Eerie, Indiana: The Other Dimension (1998) s01e07 Episode Script

Last Laugh

1
I do solemnly swear that everything
I am about to tell you is true.
A spill of weirdness from
another dimension turned my
hometown into the center of
weirdness for the entire universe.
Don't believe me? Just watch.
I'll admit, I sometimes
take things too seriously.
In a town like Erie, you can
never let your guard down.
Get out!
But I've got nothing
against having a good laugh.
It's the bad laughs I don't like.
Bad laughs are the ones that hurt people.
They might seem funny, but they're not.
Hey, Taylor!
Laying footsy with your
little pal again, are ya?
Pretty good, huh?
These are new insult specialists.
Oh, is it babysitting time again?
Nap time already, is it my
Why don't you shut your face?
Oh, the pipped squeak squeaks.
You should ignore them, Stanley.
Don't wanna watch your diaper there.
Hey, what is this?
It's the new lame old look.
Hey, what about you guys?
Just crawl back under your hole or
rock and eat a bunch of doof goof-a-sis.
Doof goof-a-sis!
Doof goof-a-sis!
Doof goof-a-sis!
Why not?
Doof goof-a-sis!
Okay, bud.
Ah!
So mad, my tongue got all jammed up.
Oh, any time.
The first lesson was free.
Who's that?
That, my friend, is Howie the Lip
Lipman, specializes in snappy combbacks.
Certified comic genius.
How comic genius?
Any other scenario?
Uh-huh.
How good can he be?
Oh, he loves it here.
Says here he's a nonstop yacht vest.
You never believe what he said.
The first lesson's free, get it?
I don't know, maybe it was Howie said it.
First lesson.
Stanley and I both
thought the guy was funny.
When we Stanley met
funny-ha-ha, and I met funny.
Uh-oh.
As it turns out, we were both right.
I just wish I said, oh yeah?
Well, if I had a face like you, I'd, you
know, or You're so stupid, you need a
Just something.
Stanley, let it go.
Everyone gets embarrassed sometime.
Even me.
I'm serious.
I can remember getting
tortured alive back in grade two.
For what?
Well, I kind of got this
This what?
A mole shift like a duck.
A duck ball?
Let me see!
It's on my back.
My lower back?
My lower, lower, lowest back?
Oh!
The point is, Church of
Church, so just forget him, okay?
Momma, Momma!
Baby, baby, doof, goofy!
Baby, doof, goofy!
Goofy!
Goofy!
Goofy!
Stanley was determined to see how he'd lift
and help him get back at the bad apples.
I didn't like it, but what could I do?
Stanley was my best friend.
Ah-ha!
I am now the first man
to make a Guinea pig and
do a triple conch with
the one I'd fade away.
I put on the mask, cap
the cage, and he goes
Mm-hmm.
I'm here about the free lesson.
Don't tell me, you're a team, right?
You're the zany one.
Oh, the straight man.
You're good!
I like that serious, but you're doing
I'm not doing anything.
Yeah, good!
Oh, you cracked me up.
Wait!
I remember Mr. Doof Goofers!
My name's Stanley, and I
didn't come here to get insulted.
Oh, where do you usually go?
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Oh, joke, I wrote that
when I was about your age.
Smart mouth, Martin.
Pig me two bucks for it.
Smart mouth, Martin?
My mom is one of his
records, you know what?
No!
Ha-ha-ha!
I made him, I gave him
the best jokes in the biz.
When he left me, I found other partners.
More talented.
Chuck E. Mason, nutty buddy.
I built the careers of
everybody on this wall.
They owe me everything.
Wow, Freddy the Head-Cased Foster.
I loved him in Head-Cased
and drew a wacky dentist.
Listen, kid.
Head-Cased would have
been nothing without me.
He would have got nowhere without my help.
Nowhere, do you understand?
Um, Stanley, I think we better go.
No way, I need a snappy comeback.
Yeah, but
Listen, Mr. Serious, I think your
friend here can make up his own mind.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I'm Stan.
Yeah, take a hike, kid.
Yeah.
Right, right, when you get work.
So you think you can,
like, write me a funny line?
Right, you a funny line, kid.
Comedy isn't lines, it's
Timing.
Now, tell me a joke.
Make me laugh.
Come on.
Um, well, I don't actually,
you know, do Oh, I know.
Knock, knock.
Oh, I think you've just the
kind of talent I'm looking for.
What kind is that?
Absolutely none.
You see, I intend to prove
through my advanced comedy
method that I can turn
absolutely anybody funny.
Lesson number 1?
Ow.
Rhythm.
Now, comedy is
all about Beats.
Now Follow the follow.
Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada.
Pause.
Dumb.
Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada.
Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada.
Now, your turn
Howie the lip was a lot of things.
Weird, wacko, scary?
But I definitely did not find him funny.
We are.
W-I-E-N-E-R.
Plus, a double word score.
Mom, Dad?
Have you guys ever heard of a
comedian named Smartmouth Martin?
Smartmouth Martin.
Are you kidding?
That's an idea.
What about a trucumation?
Hey, man, what's your problem?
What about you?
Alright, what about Freddy
the head case foster?
How do you spell funny?
If you double in, whoa, whoa, whoa, why?
Geez, Mitchell, even you'd know that one.
If you didn't have your head
stuck in weirdo land all the time.
Hey, son, listen, you need some jokes?
I got a good joke for you, okay?
This rabbit, this monkey,
and this potato farmer.
I'll decide to go into business.
Yeah, no.
Well, it's a good joke.
Yeah, I know, but it's just I met
this really weird guy today who claims
he was partners
with all three of them.
Well, Smartmouth Martin
never had a partner.
Neither did Chucky.
No way, there was that one guy for a while.
Yeah, but he never said anything.
I think he was just
Freddy's agent or something.
Yeah, he was a nobody.
So the old man says, paint my house, right?
Yeah, I get it.
Stanley?
Who are you talking to?
No one.
I'm cramming.
Tally's talking me through some variations.
Maybe if you took
your head out of your
armpit once in a while,
you'd learn something.
What?
Just practicing.
He can hear us?
We're in constant two-way communication.
Rachel, I'm really gonna nail those guys.
Stanley?
We need to talk in private.
Can you turn how we are?
Oh, wait, Jose.
How is my silent partner?
I know, but I think he's bad news.
Oh, there they are.
Shoot time.
Code Brown.
Code Brown.
Check.
I'll do the talking.
Well, well.
It isn't Baby Doof Goofus himself.
I was wrong to call you that, Newt.
I didn't know you were just a
plain ordinary run of the mill jerk.
Hey, watch your mouth squirt.
Watch my mouth squirt?
Hey, you know what?
It's more fun watching that peanut
bread of yours squirm and that fat head.
Hey, how would you like a
five-finger sandwich, huh?
Nah, I'm on a strict diet.
I'm trying to cut back on idiot.
Hey, since when does Doggy Doo
come in such a tiny package there, huh?
I don't know.
We're stacking it five feet tall, putting
a jacket on it and telling it to talk.
Well, that's something new.
That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, well, you just said that.
Wait.
That felt exhilarating.
Maybe I should have been happy for Stanley.
But when I looked in his
eyes, I saw something new.
Something mean and hungry.
And it was growing.
In a few short days, the jokes took over.
No one could resist.
How his influence was transforming
Stanley like a strange, powerful force.
So I said, it's a plant?
Stanley and I never hung out anymore.
He was too busy with how
his lessons and his public.
My name's Stanley.
I'll be here all week, so bike safely.
Stanley, we need to talk.
Sorry, much buster.
I gotta run.
Let's get together sometime.
Maybe do lunch.
You're boring.
Just kidding.
Anyway, I'll catch you later.
How he says I'm ready for the next level.
If this was only the first level, I
hated to think what the next might be.
How he took credit for everything
that happened to his partners.
So I decided to check
the who's who of Ha
Ha to find out what
really happened to them.
It wasn't pretty.
How he's old partners had all suffered
from a syndrome called Lipman's Curse.
Meaning they all went crazy.
Smart mouth Martin
ended up in an institution.
Chuck E.
Mason blew up a comedy club in California.
And as for Nutty Buddy, even the who's who
of Ha Ha Ha said his fate was too horrible.
The only one who escaped
was Freddie the head case foster.
He ran off stage one night and vanished.
Never to be seen again.
I knew if I didn't act fast,
Stanley would soon be laughing
all the way to a drool soaked
straight jacket in a padded cell.
I had to find some way to save him.
Alright, top three things to like
about Vice Principal Sawyer.
Now number three.
If he gets any Boulder, he'll be
parting his hair from below his ear.
Number two.
His nose hair matches his mustache.
And number one thing to like
about Vice Principal Sawyer.
The more he smokes, the sooner he will die.
Stanley, I need to talk to you now.
It's important to talk to me.
Uh, Fairville High called.
They want to book you for their assembly.
Pass. Where else?
But the principal himself asked.
Look, clean out your ears and clean
out your locker. What else? I said no.
Stanley, it's important.
Did y'all can't it?
I'm trying to work here.
Excuse me. Stanley, listen to me.
Now I know it's not you
saying those cruel things, but
you've got to get away from
Howie before it's too late.
Oh, he's a genius, okay?
And if brains were donuts,
all you'd have is the hall.
Stanley, snap out of it.
You're letting Howie's grill your brains.
Where's your earpiece?
You don't need it, babe.
I've advanced on to the next level.
Howie says I'm starting to think funny.
Before long, I can be as real part.
Stanley, you can't.
All those old partners.
Look, I can't let you do this.
You hear this, everybody?
My old pal's upset because
I'm funny and he's not.
Well, I think he's hilarious,
especially the stupid look on his face.
Hey, don't turn your back on me.
I'm not done laughing yet.
It's speaking of Mitchell's back.
Mitchell, wait.
Don't go away, mad. Just go away.
I seem to be the only one who saw
how desperate the situation was becoming.
My only choice was to go over Stanley's
head and talk to the guy in charge.
Ah, dead pad boy. Come in.
Most people think comedy
is about the unexpected.
Wrong. Comedy fulfills expectations.
The rest is simply
Timing?
It's 5.9. Excellent.
This pig now knows funny.
What do you want with Stanley? I mean,
he's just a kid. He doesn't have any money.
Stanley's mind is open. Fresh.
It was. Now he's just a sarcastic jerk.
Well, insults are only the first stage. As
his mind develops, he will become my voice.
The voice of my true genius.
He will deliver the comedy of the future.
Would you like to see the future?
Prepare yourself.
And then I noticed a
photo of Freddy. And the
more I looked at him, the
more he looked familiar.
Oh, here we go. Where's the
stank of walnuts at my bank card?
0-1-1-0-0-1.
Hey! In 2035, you'll laugh so
hard, you'll extrude something.
Mr.
Crawford, have you seen Bob the janitor?
Over there.
It comes in every day around the
same time for a solitary root beer.
I bet there's a tragic
story there, my friend.
That's you, isn't it?
I'm Bob the janitor.
This is some other guy.
Please, Mr. Head case, I
need your help. How will
your lip is taking over
my best friend's brain?
And he's turning him
into the insult King of Erie.
It's you, I know it's you.
How do you spell funny?
F-E-U-D-O-Y!
Alright. You got me.
No. No, don't smile.
Whatever you do, don't laugh.
Why would I laugh?
I might say something funny.
Okay, it won't happen again. I promise.
Okay.
What do you want?
I want to know how he's secret.
How he did what he did to you.
How he got me hooked on laughs.
I'd say anything for a giggle.
Until finally, I told one joke to many.
What do you mean?
I insulted the only person
who ever cared about me.
It was so vicious.
I finally got my life together in time.
Swore off the laughs.
Learned how to bore people.
How do I get my friend back to normal?
Well, that won't be easy.
You know, once they get
those joke rhythms under their
skin, they'll say anything
to draw a funny blood.
How he, he supplies the jokes.
Jokes bring the laughs.
There's only one way to stop.
Tell me.
If someone else gets the laughs first.
I don't know what was scarier.
Freddy's plan?
Of the way he was looking at me.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
You're all too kind, really.
What's your name?
Shana.
Shana! I prefer a hot tub myself.
But you know, Sah?
If you took off those glasses,
put your hair up, you'd
look exactly like a squirrel
caught in a drainpipe.
You stink!
What do you mind? I'm doing a show.
A show?
With those lame jokes?
Sounds more like a show and smell to me.
Ah, my old bud, Mitch Spooky Stuff Taylor.
So tell me, Mitch, did you grow
a sense of humor overnight?
Work for you, didn't it?
I guess you used to use more fertilizer.
That must be why your axe stinks.
Yeah? You think you're so smart? It brings
with donuts? All you'd have is the hole.
Gee, that was funny.
The first five times you
used it, I guess your
brains are going stale.
The circus called, they
want their geek outfit back.
Tell them they can have it
as soon as I pry it off you.
Woof, go for the jug. Make it personal.
Do the duck. The duck a kiln. Do the duck.
Don't forget who's the
driver of his pretty v chain.
I am the genius you are the
mouthpiece, and go for the duck pit.
No, it'd be a bad laugh.
I'd look like a doof goofus.
What can I say?
I'm sorry for being a zombie jerk.
What happens? Especially in Erie.
Look, for me, I had some help.
Yeah, yeah, nothing without me, kid.
Nothing.
Are you kids laughing at my stuff?
That's all mine.
Mine. Hey, hey, wait, wait, check it out.
Check it out. Principal Meeze.
Principal Meeze is so dumb he
thinks Doc Martens is a psychiatrist.
Ha ha ha! Man, that is really sad.
Turn around. You in the back.
That's what I think of your attention span.
I guess so how he wanted
us to make me laugh.
Now he's reaching an audience of dozens.
I never understood why they
say he who laughs laughs best.
The best laugh isn't first or last.
It's when you and your best
friend are laughing together.
Like the man said, it's all about timing.
MUSIC.
Previous EpisodeNext Episode