Empty Nest (1988) s01e07 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on and, Peter, I'm telling you, no, I mean, believe me, the great thing about having your tonsils out is that never again will anybody ever walk up to you and say, "agh, there's that kid with the tonsils.
" Wow! Do you know who that is? That's the guy who plays right field for the mustangs.
That's Nick, my husband.
Cool.
Does he ever visit sick kids in the hospital like babe Ruth? For you, he'll be there with cleats on.
Ah, that's so neat.
Hey, mom, did you hear that? There goes that kid with the tonsils! Ha-ha.
You'll never hear that again.
Room one.
Jill Hanover.
Regular check-up with the welcome to womanhood talk.
Here's the cutaway pelvic diagram and the complimentary welcome to womanhood starter kit.
So, sweetheart, they tell you we've become a woman since last we met.
Oh! Micky, Mick, Mick.
No, Mick.
Sorry, Mick.
You wait.
I'll be right back.
Laverne, I just told a ten-year-old boy that he has just become a woman.
Then he'll probably be wanting a second opinion.
No, dear.
You gave me the wrong chart.
You never do that.
Well, excuse me if things at home have got my mind wandering a little.
Well, what is it? What's wrong? It's personal.
Well, now seeing as how you just left a nine year old boy alone in a room with hygiene products, I suggest you get back in there before he gets bored and curious.
Oh, hey.
Well, you know, Mick, the good news is it turns out you're not a woman after all.
The doctor'll be in in a minute.
Meantime, don't pick at it! So now I'm gonna call the school nurse and tell her that your tine test was negative, right? Right.
Look, I'm gonna see you in a month.
Right, guy? Heh-heh.
Yeah.
That's my guy.
Room two, Stevie foster.
Here you go.
Here.
Come.
Come.
Oh, Laverne, that lunch appointment I asked you to make with Dr.
morse, call him please.
Tell him I'll be a little bit late.
What lunch? Stevie, I'll be right with you.
Don't pick at it.
Laverne, dear, you never make mistakes.
Now what's bothering you? I told you, it's personal.
I'm a doctor.
Trust me.
I'm here for you.
You can talk to me about anything.
All right.
Nick is in a batting slump.
Well, maybe he should choke up a little bit and What am I talking about? I don't know anything about that.
Right.
Room two, doctor.
About time.
Charley, what are you doing here? I don't feel good.
What happened to little Stevie foster? You mean the kid that was in here? I made it worth his while to give up the room.
Besides, he was driving me crazy with his pick, pick, pick.
All right, okay, okay, okay.
What's wrong? Well, I've got chills and dizziness and - Nausea? - Yeah.
Sorry about the potted plant in the waiting room.
All right, Charley, you just got the flu that's going around.
It's gonna lay you up for a couple of days.
You go home, get a lot of rest, and drink plenty of fluids.
I'd rather stay here.
Charley, come on.
Please, go.
I got things to do here.
Come.
Let's go.
Oh, okay, if I have to.
Get plenty of rest and a lot of fluids, right? Charley.
Yeah? Leave the raccoon, please.
I brought this with me.
Shoot.
Oh, dreyf! Where's my dreyfuss, my big boy? Ah, there you are.
I'm sorry I wasn't home, but I had an all-nighter at the hospital.
Hi, Barbara.
Hi, Charley.
Not hi, Charley.
Why? Why, Charley? Why are you here? I'm burning up.
Charley called and said you wanted me to come over and watch him because he was sick.
I never said that.
You told me to drink plenty of fluids.
Well, I'm fresh out of fluids at my place, so I said to myself, who'd have fluids? The doctor.
I knew you'd want me here where the fluids are.
Charley, please, go home.
Daddy, he really is sick.
He's got a 102 fever, and he can't keep anything down.
Yeah, sorry about the potted plant in the study.
Harry, are you home for good now? Charley, I cannot take care of you.
I have to go to work.
Daddy, I don't have to be at the station until 3:00.
I can stay with Charley till you get home.
I just have take a hot shower and I'm ready.
What an angel of mercy.
I wonder what a little hot steam from that shower would do for this congestion now.
It would kill you instantly.
Good morning, Laverne.
Well, Nick did great last night, huh? Two for three.
How's that for coming out of a slump? Thank you.
He'll be tickled you cared.
Dr.
Weston's office.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can't you tell this is personal? Yeah.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Good morning, Meredith, Mrs.
winzel.
Room two.
Room two, Meredith winzel, gummy bear lodged in her left ear.
Her mother suspects it had something to do with a Disney channel special on hibernation and the approach of winter.
And I know this isn't much notice, but this'll be my last patient.
What? That phone call was my husband.
He's been traded to a team in Tucson.
What, that call? You mean the "yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" call? I knew you were listening.
I heard, "yeah, yeah, yeah.
" Nick's got to report to Arizona after tonight's game, so I have to quit.
Wait, you have to what? Quit.
A baseball bride's place is in whatever city's writ across her husband's chest.
He got the call from Mr.
noack, and he's got to go.
Hey, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Who's Mr.
noack? The team owner.
He's the one what made the trade.
Look, I'd love to stay and chat to sundown, but I got to get home and pack.
Wait a minute.
You just can't walk out.
What am I gonna do for a nurse? What am I gonna do without you? Well, you should be fine.
Just dial extension 665 and tell them you need a temp nurse down here pronto.
And tell her when Davey nesmith gets his shots, he likes for the nurse to sing the wonderful thing about tiggers.
That's important.
Wait a minute.
Laverne.
What, after five years, you're just down the hallway and gone? I don't how how else to do it.
You treat that new nurse of yours good, you hear? Charley, wake up.
- I don't want to.
- Charley, come on.
- Wake up.
- Whoo.
I have a chill.
Smother me with leather.
Charley, the reason why I'm dressed like this is because I'm on duty.
I'm going undercover.
I, am, sick! The potted plant's in the study.
Carol, the reason why I called you is because Charley is sick.
I've been watching him for daddy, but now it's your turn.
Oh, that's what this is all about.
No way am I being doctor to him.
Unless there's some unplugging of life support involved.
Carol, I know Charley is scum.
Hey.
Careful.
He might hear you.
Daddy'll be home soon.
And it's easy.
You just give him plenty of fluids, fluff his pillows, and, if he gets a cramp, give him a quick massage.
That's so easy.
Forget it, Charley.
Carol.
Please.
Come on.
Charley's on his best behavior.
Yow! Cramp.
It's my buttocks.
He has to do his own buttocks.
- Hi, daddy.
- Hi, Carol, baby.
How Hello, Barbara.
If you have a tattoo, it better say "dad.
" I'm infiltrating a biker gang.
Carol, Barbara, my buttocks.
What about your buttocks, Charley? Never mind.
Did his fever break? No, and he still feels awful.
Well, I guess it's been a lousy day for everybody.
What's the matter, daddy? Laverne quit today.
- You're kidding.
- Oh, no.
Her husband got traded to some team in Arizona, so she's leaving.
That's it.
Gone.
No wonder you're so upset.
What really kills me is that it didn't faze her at all.
Out the door.
Not even a good-bye.
I guess you're wondering about the buttocks thing.
Not really.
Well, I have a god-fearing town to terrorize.
Bye, daddy.
Oh, listen, babe, I got to get to the hospital.
I got to get back.
Now, listen, Carol, baby, do me a favor, dear.
Just for a couple of hours, keep an eye on Charley.
Honey.
Oh, okay.
Thank you, dear.
I love you.
You better.
- Bye, daddy.
- Bye, daddy.
Bye, bye.
Time to take my temperature.
Wipe your feet and come in.
Hi, Laverne.
I was just, you know, over at the hospital checking on little Peter, and your husband dropped by, which is real sweet.
He even promised to hit a home run for him tonight.
Oh, yeah, Nick loves that stuff.
So how'd your temp nurse work out? Well, okay, I guess.
I mean, she knew all the words to the tigger song and everything, so Laverne, the reason I came over is that, I don't know, things felt funny the way we left them this morning.
I mean, are you okay with all of this? Yeah, I guess so.
You know, my first time ever to move was when Nick was drafted and sent here to Miami.
At the time, we figured it'd be just any day before we'd be moving again to Baltimore or St.
Louis or some other major league city.
But a year passed, still here.
Another year, still here.
Another year, still here.
- Another year - I think I know where you're going with this.
You know, for some reason, I'm not so ready to move as when we first got here.
Yeah, well, it never gets any easier saying good-bye, at least not for me anyway.
It seems like I always end up saying good-bye to all the women in my life.
So when you leave, you won't be the first.
Just the latest.
I'm one of the women in your life? Of course you are.
You knew that.
You didn't know that? Oh, Laverne, I'm sorry.
Listen, when you told me you were leaving today now if you're about to start in with carrying on sloppy, I'll bounce you out of here on one hump.
Last thing I need is for you to set me off to becoming a mushy mess again like at the office this morning.
Really, that was mushy mess I saw today, huh? Hell, I didn't think I was gonna make it out to my car on these wobbledy legs, I had it so bad.
I just really hate good-byes is all.
Well, okay, it's getting late.
You have a lot of packing to really, really hate goodbyes.
Right.
You're really tying my hands here.
Laverne, good-bye.
I really hated that.
What do you want now? A pillow fluff.
I fluffed you two minutes ago.
I'm bored.
I need some entertainment.
Do me a puppet show.
Charley, get out of this house.
- But, Carol - I'm serious.
I've had it.
Get out.
But I could die out there.
Great.
I'll hold the door.
Charley, I don't care what you do.
Find someone else to take care of you.
Just get out.
Out.
Fine.
Fine.
Who needs you? I'll call my family.
I'll call my friends.
I'll call the people who really care about me.
I don't have anybody else to call.
Oh, come on, Charley.
You must have other friends.
Not really.
You're my friends.
You're my family.
Carol, if you kick me out, I'll be all alone.
Don't make me go.
Please.
Okay.
You know, Charley, if you would be more human like this when you're well, then other people might like you more.
Maybe even I might like you more.
Please, just sit, talk to me? Carol, have you ever heard the expression, "feed a fever, boff the flu"? Mr.
noack, Dr.
Weston.
I really do appreciate you seeing me at this late hour.
Ordinarily, I see no one during a night game.
But I was intrigued by your persistence, especially after the 18th phone call.
So why are you here? Well, sir, it's about your team, the mustangs.
Oh, business.
Business hours are 9:00 to 5:00.
No, this really can't wait.
This is urgent.
Urgent business hours are 9:00 to 5:00.
Please, noack, please, just five minutes.
Five very fast minutes.
Okay, please? Just Four very fast minutes.
All right, all right, now you see I have this terrific nurse, and she's a very special lady, and I do not want to lose her.
The point is she's married to your right fielder Nick Todd.
Oh, I see.
And you want me to call off the trade.
Well, Dr.
Weston, let tell you a little something about Nick Todd.
He's batting only 193.
He leads the team in errors.
He has an annoying tendency to strike out in precious situations.
Well, you are aware he's in a slump.
Doctor, baseball is a business.
Are you aware of the details of the Tucson trade? Uh They send us and a catcher who's developed an ugly, unrequited crush on their batboy.
Now we send them and Nick, who they need to fill in until their right fielder makes bail.
Now, I'm sorry about your nurse.
But I'm a businessman.
The mustangs are a business.
Good night, Dr.
Weston.
May I ask you a favor? Favors are tomorrow, No, I must.
I have two minutes left.
Okay, you see I have this patient in the hospital, ten years old, great kid, bad tonsils, big fan.
I'm sure he's watching.
You see, he doesn't know it's a business.
He thinks it's a game.
Anyway, Nick dropped by the hospital, promised him he'd hit a home run for him tonight.
Now don't you think he should at least get the chance to keep that promise? Mr.
noack, you're the owner.
You can put him in.
Dr.
Weston, if I thought he could hit a home run on demand, I wouldn't be trading him.
Okay, that's great.
Put him in.
He hits a home run, you don't trade him.
I like this.
I like that idea.
Dr.
Weston, I'm a businessman, but I do dearly love a friendly wager.
Now you think he can come through.
What can you offer me? Well, okay, you know, I mean, I am a doctor.
That's something.
Okay, if he hits it out, no trade.
If he doesn't hit it out, free medical checkups for all your grandkids.
Against 750 scoreboard lightbulbs at five bucks per? Bad business.
Bottom of the ninth there, doctor.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, Free medical care for all the kids of all your players for six months.
All right, a year.
A year.
Free medical care.
That's business.
Yeah, this is noack.
Put Todd in.
- Shall we? - Okay.
So with two outs, it looks like a change.
It's number three, Nick Todd, stepping in to hit for boice.
He's what's he doing? He's pointing at the centerfield fence.
That's it.
He's pointing, pointing.
I like that.
At's a very good sign.
No idea what he sees out there.
Oh, well.
Here's the windup and the pitch.
Swing and a miss.
Strike one, doctor.
Look, come on.
That wasn't his best swing.
It was just one-handed.
He was still pointing.
Don't point! You know, he's getting ready.
He's ready now.
- All right, now.
- At the belt.
Big swing.
Strike two.
I'll tell you what, doctor.
It was a sucker bet anyway, and I'm starting to feel guilty.
What say we just call it off.
Oh, getting a little scared here? You saw that swing.
Two hands.
A little contact, home run.
- No.
Fine.
- Here's the windup.
Delivery.
Strike three.
It's all over.
Dr.
Weston, welcome to the Miami mustangs health plan.
Fine.
Mrs.
vinkus, now remember now, try to cut down on Bobby's refined sugar.
I had a coffee.
I had a cup of coffee.
Michelle, where is my coffee? I think you left it in the examining room.
Oh, don't forget.
After lunch, you have six mustang health plan kids.
Thank you.
Now I told you no coffee in the exam room.
Laverne.
Nick's trade is off.
I'm back.
You're back.
You're back.
Michelle, she's back.
Laverne's back.
Ooh.
I'll talk to you later.
You're back.
You're back! Nick heard through the players' grapevine you put in a visit to old man noack last night.
That was quite a bet you lost.
Eh, just It was nice you did that for us.
Also a real stupid waste.
Why? What? You just said you were back.
I got all excited.
I danced.
I gave a shot at a hug.
I am back.
Last night, Nick up and pulled a muscle his third swing, won't be able to play for two weeks, so the Tucson people got a right fielder and a snow cone machine out of waco instead.
Oh, I see.
No trade, pulled a muscle.
Well, I mean, it was not exactly as I had planned, but it was pretty close.
Well, there's only one thing I hate worse than good-byes, but here goes.
That was sweet what you did for us.
Wait a minute, this is not wobbledy-legged, mushy mess I'm seeing, is it? Maybe.
Well, I better go get changed.
Awful sweet.
All right, pack it up, darling.
You're in my chair.