Family Ties (1982) s01e07 Episode Script

I bet we've been together for a million years and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed and I can't remember what I ever did before what would we do, baby without us? what would we do, baby without us? and there ain't no nothin' we can't love each other through ooh-hoo what would we do, baby without us? sha-la-la-la.
I can't believe this.
Is that the fastest he can count votes? Alex, will you relax? I can't I can't relax.
Being editor is important to me.
You're gonna be the new editor.
I can feel it.
Yeah, how can you be so sure? You ran unopposed.
I didn't vote for him.
How'd you mark your ballot? "Not him.
" Thanks for your confidence.
All right, everybody.
Let me have your attention, please.
Here are the results of today's election.
In the balloting for editor, Alex Keaton, 21.
Not him, 17.
I give you the new editor of the Harding hurrah, Alex Keaton.
Congratulations.
Thank you, Mr.
winkler.
And, uh, thanks to all of you for giving me this opportunity.
"The history of journalism is as old as the history of history itself.
" "Since the invention of movable type in the middle 15th century" oh, it sounded great, Alex.
It's too bad that bell cut you off like that.
Uh, Mr.
winkler, you want to hear the rest of my speech? Uh, well, it's just a matter of, uh Well, how can I phrase this? No, I don't want to hear it.
You know, I have got some big plans for this paper.
I'm gonna put the Harding herald on the map.
Uh, the name of the paper is the Harding hurrah, Alex.
Oh, yeah, well, that's the first thing.
See, we got to change that.
See, it's not a real dynamic name, you know? None of the big city papers have that name.
There's no New York hurrah, or Detroit free hurrah.
Alex, let me give you some advice, will you? We got a good little paper here.
Don't rock the boat.
Good little pape Mr.
winkler, last year's biggest story was, uh, "math team gets new sweatsuits.
" Yeah! That was an exclusive, Alex.
I'm still getting letters on that one.
There's a choice to be made here, Mr.
winkler.
We can continue trudging along with feet of Clay, printing unimportant drivel, or we can reach out for immortality.
Which would you rather do? Stick with the drivel.
Uh, Alex Did you really mean what you said about printing serious stories? You bet I did.
Well, what if I told you that I've been assigned to work part time in the principal's office and I have access to everything that comes in there? I'd say the principal is crazy, but I'd tell you to keep talking.
Okay, if I do, you got to promise not to let on how you found out.
Hey, when you drilled that hole in the girls' bathroom, did I tell anyone? You told everybody.
Okay, but I wasn't editor then.
Okay.
How do the words "scandal" and "cover-up" sound to you? Beautiful.
Then listen to this.
I'm sure you're aware that our high school has the highest grade point average in the district? Yeah, that comes under the category of unexplained phenomena.
You know how we achieved that honor? By cheating.
Ralph rappaport got ahold of a copy of the algebra final, and 27 students were caught buying it.
The principal is sitting on the story 'cause he doesn't want to lose his number-one rating.
This is fantastic! I mean, it's terrible.
It's disgraceful.
Let's just be glad it happened here.
I got a lot of stuff on this in my locker.
I got a memo from the principal.
I got copies of the test.
Listen.
Names, Howie.
We need names.
I don't think you need names, Alex.
No, you could do the story without names.
Yeah, well, of course we could do the story without them, but I think names would really spice it up.
Alex, one of those names is the same as yours.
Alex Friedman is on that list? Not the same first name.
The same last name.
Mallory? That's the one.
Want to go out and kick around the soccer ball? Jennifer, that would involve three of the things I most despise Dirt, sweat, and the possibility of breaking a nail.
Guess we won't be seeing you on the cover of sports illustrated.
Hey, Alex, do you want to go practice soccer with me? No, last time I practiced with you, I was black and blue the next day.
I'll take it easy on you this time.
Okay.
Just go on ahead outside and start without me.
I'll be there in a minute.
You promise? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just go on outside, okay? Don't humor me, Alex.
Listen, Mallory, I have to talk to you about something.
Can't it wait, Alex? I'm really busy.
Well, this is kind of important.
You see, I found out about the algebra test.
I know you cheated on it.
How'd you find out? Nobody's supposed to know about that.
Hey, I happen to be editor of the Harding herald.
It's my job to know.
Well, Alex, you haven't told anyone, have you? No.
Good.
Whatever you do, don't tell mom and dad, okay? Okay.
In fact, don't tell anyone, 'cause they could tell their parents, and then they could tell mom and dad.
Okay.
So you'll keep this absolutely quiet, you won't tell anyone at all? Okay.
I can go along with that, except for one minor exception.
What? It may be the lead story in tomorrow's school paper.
What?! Are you crazy?! Mallory, the principal is covering up a scandal here, and I think the people have a right to know about it.
Alex, your can't print that! Can't print what? Oh, it's a story about, uh, the football team.
The prom! Which is it? The prom.
The football team.
It's a prom for the football team.
Why are they having the prom in November? Beat the June rush.
It's a practice prom.
If it works out, then they'll have the real one in June.
Okay.
That's not what it's about.
There's this big story brewing at school, and I don't know whether or not I should print it.
What's it about? Well, I'm not sure you need to know what it's about.
You definitely don't need to know what it's about.
Well, what's the problem, then? The problem is, I have a story that'll shake the entire school district to its very foundations.
Well, that doesn't seem like a problem necessarily.
But if I print it, some people might get hurt.
Some innocent, defenseless people.
Uh-huh, I see.
Well, uh, we certainly don't want that to happen, do we? I understand we don't want to hurt people's feelings, but isn't there a greater responsibility to be served here? That's definitely true.
Whose side are you on, dad? I'm not on anybody's side.
I hardly know what we're talking about.
The details aren't important here.
The issue here is this If there's important information being covered up by people in high places, isn't it the responsibility of a journalist to uncover it? Absolutely.
It's important for the press to keep an eye on the people in power to make sure they don't abuse it.
A good example is when, uh, woodward and Bernstein exposed Watergate.
Mm-hmm.
Your mother's right.
There is no higher standard in journalism than truth.
What if the truth embarrasses people? Well, that's sometimes an unfortunate consequence.
Alex, whether or not you print the story is ultimately your decision.
As I look back over the history of journalism, I could point to countless dilemmas of this nature, but just remember, ever since the invention of movable type in the middle of the 15th century, m Any word from winkler? No, he's still reading it.
We go to press in 20 minutes.
He doesn't know I gave you the story, does he? Yeah, he knows.
The the byline is "by Alex Keaton, as told to him by Howie Samuels.
" I got to admit, Alex, I never thought you'd have the guts to write it.
Thanks.
It's not a compliment.
But I don't care what you say, Alex.
I think winkler's doing a fine job.
Oh, hello, Mr.
winkler.
Howie, would you excuse us for a minute, please? Certainly.
Take more than a minute, if you like.
Thank you.
Alex, I've read your story on the cheating scandal.
Very well done.
Thanks.
Excellent reporting.
Great.
I think your documentation is flawless, your conclusions are well thought out.
Wow.
It's a pity we can't print it.
Perfect.
What do you mean, "can't print it"? This is a private matter between the principal and the offending students.
I don't think it's our place to interfere, and I know he doesn't want any publicity on it now.
Yeah, but this is a major news story.
The the public has a right to know.
Not in this case.
Alex, let me tell you something.
The principal of a high school is always right.
If Dr.
schulte believes that the world is flat Which he does, by the way Then the world is flat.
Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, but But that's censorship.
Just what kind of things do you want us to print? Well, that story about the sweatsuits was interesting.
Did you hear that? I can't believe it.
He's scared.
The the principal could get mad and punish him.
Oh, you don't think he'd fire Mr.
winkler, do you? He'd do worse.
Last year when he got mad at Mr.
peabody, he made him teach sex education to the kids with behavior problems.
It's not easy talking about the birds and the bees when someone's throwing a hubcap at you.
If I sit on this story, I'm gonna be just as guilty as the kids who cheated.
Well, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna print it.
Aren't you forgetting that Mallory's on the list? Howie, I'm not forgetting.
Truth is the highest standard in journalism.
Like I said, print it.
Morning, everyone.
Hey.
Hey.
What's the story? Maybe I should've phrased that differently.
I don't think it would've helped.
What's going on, Howie? Let me put it this way If you were ever thinking of leaving school and joining the circus, now would be a good time.
I don't understand.
Why are they mad at me? They think you're a fink.
But I was exposing a cover-up.
The cover-up's not the point.
It's the people who are underneath the covers.
You listed every person's name.
Now their teachers have to look at them like they're cheaters, and the principal has to suspend them.
Well, I-i never thought of it that way.
I expected Dr.
schulte to be mad, but He is mad.
He's madder than he was when Ralph rappaport gave that speech to the pta in drag.
I'm afraid to ask this, but how did winkler take it? I'm not sure.
He lost the power of speech after he saw the article.
I have a feeling he's recovered it.
Alex Alex, I think you owe me an explanation.
Um, Mr.
winkler, I'm sorry I had to disobey you.
I-I really am, but I felt it was my duty as editor to publish the story.
As of this moment, you are relieved of your duties as editor.
You are through, Alex.
I don't want you to write for this paper anymore.
Come to think of it, I don't even want you to read it! And I'll tell you something else.
If schulte makes me teach sex education to kids with behavior problems, I'm bringing you along as a model! In answer to your question, Alex, I don't think he took it very well.
I got to find Mallory.
No, no.
You think that's a good idea? Mallory's my sister.
I think she knows I had a good reason for doing what I did.
Mallory! I was just going to look for you.
I want to talk to you about the story.
Don't talk to me, Alex Ever again.
How much does the circus pay? Is this true, Mallory? Did you buy a copy of the test? Actually, I didn't buy it.
Ralph rappaport gave me one for free.
I think he likes me.
Hey, look, Mallory, this is serious.
Don't you realize that? A lot of kids did it.
It didn't seem like that big a deal.
Well, it is a big deal, and I think you owe us more of an explanation.
Would you be happier if I failed the test? We'd be happier if you failed on your own, than if you got an "a" by cheating.
If you hadn't cheated, would you have failed the test? No.
I probably would've got a "c.
" So? Listen, a "c" is nothing to be ashamed of.
Your father got lots of c's when he was in school.
That's right.
If you W-wai w-wait I I-I wouldn't say lots of c's.
Uh, uh, occasionally, a "c" crept in.
I don't remember exactly, but in college, overall, I think I had a That's exactly what I mean! Grades are important to you.
How would you feel if Alex came home with a "c"? Alex wouldn't come home with a "c.
" He'd still be there arguing with the teacher.
Alex wouldn't get a "c" 'cause Alex doesn't get c's.
Why don't we leave Alex out of this? Well, I can't leave him out of it, 'cause he's part of it! What do you mean? You don't realize it, but it's not easy being Alex's sister.
I mean, every time I walk into a class, it's the same thing.
"Mallory Keaton, are you any relation to Alex Keaton?" I say I am.
And then, when I turn in my homework for the first time, there's always this surprised reaction.
"Are you sure you're Alex Keaton's sister?" Well, for once, just once, I wanted to get a higher grade than him.
I didn't, uh, realize it was that rough for you at school.
I can't help it that I'm not as smart as Alex is.
It's not my fault.
It's not that you're not as smar as Alex.
You're not as motivated as Alex.
Napoleon wasn't as motivated as Alex.
But that doesn't mean you can't work harder than you do.
We we've talked about this before.
You know, it's funny.
I thought I'd be so happy to get an "a" in algebra, but instead, I felt ashamed.
I'm sorry I did it.
I really am.
Well We appreciate you realize that what you did was wrong.
While we have a lot of sympathy for what you said, it really doesn't excuse what you did.
Your father and I will talk it over and figure out what to do about it.
Okay.
Mom, do we have another soccer ball? What happened to the one you were playing with? I gave it to Mrs.
obeck next door.
It was kind of a surprise.
It must have been.
She's 61 years old.
I think the surprise was the way it was delivered.
Jennifer, you didn't break.
Mrs.
obeck's kitchen window again, did you? No, I broke her bedroom window.
But I'll pay for it.
How? With the advance on my allowance that I'm about to ask for.
Uh, we'll talk about this later.
Right now, you'd better go apologize to Mrs.
obeck.
Okay.
But I won't be back for a while.
Mrs.
obeck always makes me listen to Lawrence Welk records with her.
Hey, Alex, do you want to go over to Mrs.
obeck's with me? No.
I'm not really in the mood for Lawrence Welk.
Thanks.
I guess she told you, huh? She's pretty upset, Alex.
The whole school is upset.
The kids hate me.
Winkler fired me.
The principal yelled at me for two hours.
A-and when he left the room for 20 minutes, he had the secretary come in and yell.
Was printing the story worth all that, Alex? Dad, don't you remember what you said to me yesterday? You, yourself, said that there's no higher standard in journalism than truth.
I was speaking in general terms, Alex.
You're the ones who said that That the press has to keep an eye on the people in power, and Dr.
schulte abused his when he tried to kill the story.
We're not concerned about Dr.
schulte.
We're worried about Mallory.
She's going to be suspended for a few days, and she's been embarrassed in front of the teachers and her friends.
Wouldn't it be hypocritical of me to have pulled the story because I wanted to protect my sister? Alex, when I s When I spoke to you about the importance of truth, I left out something just as important Compassion.
Compass how much compassion did you feel when woodward and Bernstein exposed the Watergate cover-up? Wha did you feel sorry for Nixon? Yeah, I felt sorry for him! O-o-okay, I admit, w-w-we had a few people over.
We we may have opened a bottle of champagne.
Or two.
We sang some songs, but But, uh, in between the dancing and the fireworks we we all felt a twinge of sympathy for the man.
It's hardly a seminar in compassion.
The situations are not comparable, Alex.
Nixon was a public official who betrayed the trust of an entire country.
That's a matter of opinion.
These are kids who cheated on an algebra test.
Now, I-I'm not saying that's right, but it is not an impeachable offense.
What is wrong with you guys?! There was a cover-up going on here! Alex.
Alex, I think you had another option.
That's all.
What was that? To print the story on the cover-up without including all the names.
I never wanted to hurt anybody.
Can I come in? The fink with you? No.
No finks.
All right.
Come on in.
I've got some news that'll cheer you up.
Alex moved out? No.
Not quite as good.
My team won the soccer game! Congratulations.
I scored a goal with my head.
Jen, I'm really happy for you.
I also scored a goal with someone else's head.
If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone, okay? Look, I know you're feeling low right now, but I just want you to know two things.
What are they? Well, first, I think you're a great sister.
You make me laugh, you make me really feel like you really care about me, and you're fun to be with.
Thanks.
And the other thing I want you to know is that Alex wants to talk to you, and he's waiting outside.
You should've stopped after the first one.
Can I come in? No.
Go away.
Thanks for respecting my wishes.
Try to go easy on each other.
I don't want to be an only child.
Are those for me? You trying to make up or antagonize me? Come on.
I didn't have time to buy new flowers.
Besides, it's the thought that counts.
Couldn't you just have had the thought delivered? Look I know you feel bad about getting caught cheating.
It's embarrassing.
It's humiliating.
It's shameful.
So far, this isn't the greatest apology I've ever heard.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Maybe I shouldn't have printed your name, or any of the names.
I-I-i was just so excited to be elected editor.
I guess I just got carried away.
Yeah, you carried me away with you.
Why did you do it, Mallory? If you were having trouble, you should have come to see me.
I'm great in math.
That's the problem.
You are, and I'm not.
So? I would've helped you.
You always laugh at me, Alex.
No, I don't.
I may chuckle.
An occasional guffaw.
You don't realize how hard it is to be your sister.
I mean, a guy who's gotten straight a's since sandbox.
You could've done better in sandbox, too, if you'd just applied yourself.
Look, maybe there's some kind of therapy group you can join for sisters of geniuses.
Thanks a lot, Alex.
We both made mistakes, and we're both hurting because of them.
But I don't think it's gonna do either of us any good to hate each other.
Maybe we should help each other instead.
How? I could help you with your homework.
Then you then you wouldn't have to cheat again.
What do you want me to do for you? Clean your room? Dust your calculators? No, all I want you to do is be my friend.
That's all.
I'd rather dust your calculators.
Come on, Mallory.
I made a mistake.
Don't you think it takes a big man to admit that? Evidently not.
Come on.
Friends again? Aah! Ow! You dug your nails into my hand.
Oh, did I? So sorry.
Come on.
Let's do your homework.
No, Alex.
You're just gonna make fun of me.
I am not.
Now, what are you studying? Math.
Oh, yeah? How'd you do on your last test? I got an "a.
" That's right.
All right, here's where we are now.
Right here.
Okay, this is good.
This is good.
Okay.
"Two trains leave central station at noon.
"One's heading east, traveling at 82 miles per hour, the other one is traveling west at 67 miles per hour.
" What kind of trains are they? What do you mean, "what kind of trains are they?" That has nothing to do with the problem.
It's not important.
Okay.
Okay.
Um"Eastbound train stops three times "for a total of one hour, "and the westbound is an express and it doesn't stop at all.
"So after six hours, which train has traveled the furthest distance?" All right.
You ready? Yeah, how many trains did you say there were? I'm kidding.
How many? Two.
Are they going east or west? It doesn't matter.
Of course it matters.
Say your family lives in California, and you're going south.
You don't want them to end up in Maine.
You're absolutely right.
I don't know why I didn't say it.
Okay.
Now, the first train's going Right.
Eighty Two.
And the second train's going Right.
Sixty Seven? Seven.
Why didn't they just take a plane?