Florida Girls (2019) s01e07 Episode Script

1 I been killing them stages I be gettin' 'em 'mazed I been killing your beats I been stealing your fans Every brother always looking at (LAUGHING) He don't remember if she paid for the Tupperware? Judy ain't gonna believe that trash.
- Mess him up, Judy.
Mess him up.
- JUDGE JUDY: I want you to stop getting hysterical over nothing! Ah, I love her.
I love her so much.
I know.
I hope I end up on her show someday.
(GRUNTS) All right.
I'm tipsy, I'm high.
- What are we doing tonight? - Ooh.
I heard Shiny D mom out of town, so she's having a party.
Could be fun, could also suck balls.
Dismissed.
Uh, I think Wattie's having people over to shoot his new machine gun.
Dude, Wattie's a lunatic.
But, yeah, let's throw it in the mix.
- This is kind of a wild idea.
- Okay.
What if we have, like, a low-key night in? Right? Jay could finish my highlights, we could watch a bunch of Judys.
Oh, oh! And we could pick up subs from Big Fatty's! What? I don't What? We always stay out super late, okay, and I can't keep showing up to GED class exhausted.
Yesterday, I slept through Grammar One and I failed my practice quiz on linking verbs.
Oh, I wish I just slept through that whole thing.
I'd be down for staying in.
I want to see if that lady get her Tupperware back.
I'm down.
I should probably stop going to Wattie's anyway.
Last time, I almost got shot.
Do you people hear yourselves right now? Are you kidding me? "I want to get a good night's sleep.
" "I want to see if the poor lady gets her Tupperware back.
" "I don't want to get shot.
" My God, you suck.
You all frickin' suck.
Are we really gonna stay in on a Wednesday night? We're gonna do that? We're just staying in on Wednesday night? That is so embarrassing.
I'll take a meatball sub with jalapeños and extra marinara.
(SHELBY SQUEALS) Devo? He's back.
You can hear my revving raps Sounding like the engine of a 747 crash Back out the trash I was never more but shredding ash Now I'm feeling sharper than a heavy-ass machete slash Give me lip, cut your head in half, you won't get it back - Had some dead weight on my back - (SCREAMS) I got rid of that Got my head straight and left the flask In my livid past And I ain't bitter of a quitter But consider that I lost a few wings I'm trying to do things - To get it back - KAITLIN: (GROANS) Yes! Devo's return has made me realize that my life has been real boring lately.
Ever since I took time away from me to focus on my bartending career, Judge Judy is the closest thing I get to drama.
KAITLIN: Yeah! DEVO: Oh, shit, the condom broke.
KAITLIN: Play through, play through, play through.
But Judy is no substitution for the real thing.
But don't forget, Judy is still something we love that we're gonna watch tonight in our pajamas.
Huh? You guys still have to change.
- Go change.
- (COMPUTER CHIMES) Dude, what are you doing? I'm taking orders.
You're supposed to be looking at the sub menu.
I know, but I got on Curb Alert real quick.
There's a rollerblade with no wheels right by the mall.
What do y'all think? Free rollerblade? So a boot? You asking us if we want one boot? Erica, you're becoming a full-blown hoarder.
Seriously.
You got to stop filling our house with useless garbage.
But you weren't saying that when I got us that window.
That's exactly what I said.
- (KAITLIN PANTING) - DEVO: Baby, you were like a goddamn hurricane out there.
Jay, I'm taking some of your birth control.
Oh, go ahead, girl.
- What's up, ladies? - JAYLA: Hi, Devo.
- Hey.
- There's jizz on your shorts.
(CHUCKLES) That's cool.
Ah, it's good to be back on dry land.
Three months is way too long to be stuck on an oil rig.
KAITLIN: Way too long.
How's my baby boy doing? Oh, what the shit, Mango? You're skinny as hell! What have you been feeding him? What the What the hell are you talking about? I've been feeding him the same shit we always feed him.
- Here we go! (CHUCKLES) - DEVO: Well, shit.
- You're starving him.
- Oh, okay.
You know what? - I take care of Mango on my own.
- Oh, yeah? Do you? - I do it on my own! - Yeah, you're making him into a little crack whore! God! Yeah, that's right.
Leave the room.
- Leave the room, that's right.
- I can't whizz? I got to whizz! Oh, you've got to whizz? Then whizz! Yeah, I'm whizzing! Kaitlin, you know I do not put my nose where it don't belong, but if I had a man and my man talked to me like that, I would throw him right through Erica's garbage window.
Hey, let's leave my window out of this, guys.
Baby, let's slow down.
I'm sorry.
Okay? You know you're a good bunny mama.
And you know I love the dick out of you, right? - Yeah, of course I know that.
- Well 'Cause I love the dick out of you, too.
- Come get some.
- Mm.
Okay.
I'm gonna go ahead and steer things back to the sub ordering, so So far, I got my order and I got Kaitlin's order.
No, no, no, no.
Screw that.
Now that Devo's back, we're obviously going out tonight.
(DEVO AND KAITLIN LAUGHING, KISSING) - No.
You should sub up.
- What? I'm gonna spend the night with the Swamp Crew.
You know I haven't seen those guys in three months.
Plus, Big Dave has been watching my weed plant, so we're gonna have a bit of a harvest party, if you know what I mean.
He means they're gonna smoke weed.
I know what he means, thank you.
Cool, that's fine.
It's totally fine by me because, uh, the girls and I are starting our night with subs, but then we're gonna get into some real nasty shit.
- Why you gotta say that?! - Because I hate you! - I hate you! Ridiculous! - Go! Get the hell out of here! (GLASS BREAKING) Damn.
Okay.
Uh, I'm just gonna get these subs going here.
- (COMPUTER CHIMES) - (ERICA GASPS) Y'all are never gonna believe what just popped up on Curb Alert.
Dead batteries? (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) Used tampon? W-W-W-W-Wait.
A dumb-ass GED book? (JAYLA, KAITLIN LAUGHING) Wait.
How'd this turn on me? I thought we were making fun of Erica.
ERICA: It's our shoe chair.
JAYLA: (GASPS) Oh, my God.
How is this even possible? You were part of a pair.
It's just sitting in a parking lot.
Let's go get it before someone else does.
Wait, no, no, no.
It's in St.
Pete.
No.
No.
It's, like, an hour away, I don't think so.
Bitch, get the fuck off your ass or we're gonna lose our fucking chair! - (GROANS) - Fired up, fired up - Fired up, fired up - Yeah, yeah We got the gas They got the matches We get the bags They gettin' ratchet If Devo asks what we did tonight, it wasn't this lame-ass crap.
We met a bunch of hot dudes at Shiny D's who all wanted to bone me, okay? But really, we're just gonna get some subs and have a chill night in.
(CHUCKLES) - There it is! - (JAYLA SHRIEKS) (GASPS) Damn.
That's fly.
So beautiful, so luxurious, and so Where the cushion at? What the hell? KAITLIN: Ugh, frickin' Debra.
Y'all can deal with that lunatic.
I'm gonna go call Devo.
Uh-uh, Debra! This is our rightful shoe chair! It completes a pair! Screw you.
You know the rules of Curb Alert.
I was here first.
This is my cushion! Wait, she only wants the cushion? I don't even know how to reason with someone who behaves like that.
I do.
Get the shoe on the car.
You're wasting your time.
- This is my cushion now.
- Oh.
I-I know.
I was only wondering if you'd be interested in trading for it? Remember that window I beat you to last week? I got plenty of windows.
I also got a wedding dress, part of a tent, broken jumper cables in the trunk.
At home, I got clown wigs, six-pound bag of gravel, four cans of paint.
- What kind of paint? - Blue.
I'll take the paint.
I told y'all my Curb Alert stuff wasn't useless garbage! (WHOOPING) I know where y'all live, so don't try anything cute! I'm-a get my paint! All right, I'm gonna tie this on with my jumper cables.
- (JAYLA CHUCKLES) - KAITLIN: Devo isn't answering his phone.
I called that dumb-ass two times.
- Twice he didn't pick up his phone? - Yeah.
I'm-a stay out of this.
But if I had a boyfriend and he didn't answer my calls two times, I would assume he was up to no good.
But that's just me, girl, and who am I to judge? I'll leave the judging to the Lord and Judge Judy.
If I find out he's getting a handy from some high schooler at Big Dave's, I'm gonna kill him.
Okay, everybody calm down.
There's billions of reasons why Devo's not picking up.
Maybe his ringer's off.
Maybe he passed out from Whip-Its and dropped his phone in the toilet.
He's done that before.
- Counterclaim.
- (SHELBY SIGHS) Maybe he is getting an "H" job at Big Dave's right now.
There's only one way to find out.
Get in the car.
We're going to Big Dave's.
Oh, we're doing a drive-by, y'all! Okay.
You know what? This will actually be great, because after Big Dave's we can pick up subs, smoke a "J," knock out a couple of Judys and be tucked in by midnight.
(EXHALES) (ENGINE STARTS) (JAYLA GIGGLING) (GASPS) Oh, my God, Erica! Are you okay? The shoe's secure.
- We're doing a drive-by.
- Nice.
Dude, slow down.
What, are you trying to get us spotted? I'm going three miles per hour.
The whole point of a drive-by is to see what your man is up to without him knowing you was there.
That way he can't accuse you of being a crazy, jealous stalker.
Which you definitely aren't.
Uh, yeah.
No crap.
Yeah, I don't get how we're gonna blend in with that on our roof.
(GROANS) Screw it, just pull over.
We're going on foot.
Erica, what are you doing? Come on.
I think I'm gonna hang back.
Keep an eye on the shoe and the jumper cables and the tent and the wedding dress.
(SCOFFS) Whatever, psycho.
- Let's go.
- (JAYLA GIGGLING) It fell on him.
He was like, "Help! Help!" (LAUGHS) Yeah, it fell on him.
He's only got one arm, man.
- Gonna put it here.
- JAYLA: Ooh, Devo's outside.
- Shh, shh, shh.
- DEVO: Wait a minute.
- Juan from across the street? - Yeah, man.
See? They're just dicking around, smoking weed.
Exactly what I thought.
- he was full of shit, man.
- Yo! Hey, Juan! - You put this shit on backwards, man.
- JAYLA: Ooh! That's Crystal Meth.
What's that stank-ass whore doing here? - SHELBY: Relax, she lives here.
- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) JAYLA: Kaitlin, obviously this is your call, but for me, I do not like this one bit.
That girl is no good, and she always been into Devo.
Ooh, they did not just go inside.
Kaitlin, given this new evidence, if it were my man, I'd want to get a closer look.
But that's all I'm-a say.
That's just me.
That's how I'd play it, but it's your call.
Let's go.
- (GROANS) - (GIGGLING) Damn it.
Creepin' down the back streets Late night athletes JAYLA: Is homeboy making a salad? SHELBY: If that looks good to you, Big Fatty's can make any sub - as a salad or a wrap.
- Shut it, Shelby.
Better check the rap sheet, nothin' gettin' past me KAITLIN (WHISPERS): Yo, where the hell is he? I guarantee you, whatever he's doing is perfectly innocent.
(CRYSTAL METH MOANING) CRYSTAL METH: Yeah! Yeah! - Oh! - Oh, my God.
Is he actually cheating on me? Is that piece of trash actually cheating on me? - Fuck.
- Fuck, what's happening? I thought drive-bys were supposed to be fun.
Okay, we don't know if that's him in there, right? Okay? So let me look first.
(LAUGHS) (WHISPERING): Devo's not in there, but you guys have to see this.
Oh, my God.
(LAUGHS) KAITLIN: That's a lot of dick.
(ALL LAUGHING) - DEVO: Yo, I'm-a pop in.
Yeah.
- CRYSTAL METH: Pop in.
Pop in.
- SHELBY: (GASPS) Devo.
- It's about time, Devo.
- All right.
(LAUGHS) - Holy shit.
(CRYSTAL METH MOANING) (MEN LAUGHING) I'm gonna murder him.
Texture is everything, dawg.
You've got to have Move! Come on in.
Whoa, whoa, hey.
Hey.
My bad.
I'll Be chill, clouds.
Be chill.
This is a legendary haul.
Do not ruin this for me.
- (THUNDER RUMBLING) - Ugh.
Damn, clouds, damn.
The tent! (LAUGHING) - I thought we were open.
- Open?! Yeah, we're open when you're offshore.
When you're here, you're mine.
Don't pretend like you didn't know that! How is that fair?! - There are no women offshore! - Too bad! - Tell me how it's fair! - Too bad! - Tell me how it's fair.
- That's the rules, Devo! - Oh, those are the rules?! - You knew the rules, you stupid - What, you get to make up the rules? - Hey, hey! - You're crazy! - You're crazy.
Okay, you make this whole thing crazy.
Go, go.
Go ahead! God Where do you think you're going, you ratchet-ass bitch? - Yeah, home-wrecker! - Don't hate.
I love screwing.
Don't hate.
I like getting off.
It ain't my fault guys want to film me 'cause I'm hot as shit.
- And 'cause you're a whore! - Wait, no.
No.
There is no slut-shaming under this roof and y'all girls know that.
Come on.
Y'all women need to support each other now.
Now more than ever.
Come on.
Yeah, don't slut-shame me, you skank-ass whore.
- I'm-a fuck this bitch up! - Just go.
Just go, Crystal.
And I need you to reflect on your actions tonight.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Hey, I seen that, and I did not appreciate it.
(BIG DAVE SIGHS) Wow, girl.
I bet you are just going through a lot right now.
If you want to talk about it, - I want to listen.
- Shut up.
What are you talking about? I'm fine.
I didn't even like Devo.
Ain't that his name tattooed on your wrist? What's up with your hat? What? I think it's dope.
Kaitlin, forget that cheating piece of garbage.
You can do so much better than him.
Plus, surprise! Fried pickles somebody's favorite.
I don't need special snacks.
I'm already over that shit.
Like, honestly, I'm not even affected by any of this, at all.
I'm-a go drink a bottle of tequila.
Because I want to, not because I'm, like, hurt or whatever.
Wait.
What the? Why is our door open? Ooh, finally.
(CHUCKLES) (SIGHS): Ah KAITLIN: No! That scumbag took Mango.
- (GASPS) - He took my bunny! Everybody get in the car! What? No.
It's 2:00 in the morning, dude.
Shelby, put down the damn sub and get in the car! (SIGHS) (GROANS SADLY) If Devo's here, I'm-a shoot him with Wattie's gun.
Well, if Devo ain't here, he'll be at Shiny D's.
Either way, we'll find Mango and shoot Devo.
(OWL HOOTING) I don't trust that owl.
I'm gonna hang back and watch the chair.
(GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE) Let's go.
WATTIE: Who's there? I have the legal right to shoot all trespassers - on my property.
- Dude, Wattie, it's us.
We're looking for Devo.
Put that thing down.
(CHUCKLES) Who's "us"? I don't know you, "us.
" On your knees 'fore I shoot your faces.
- (QUIETLY): God.
- (SIGHS) (LAUGHTER) You should see the look on your faces.
You thought I was gonna ERICA: Aah, I'm hit! Erica! - Shit.
- What the hell, Wattie!? Damn! Bury this.
Bury it deep.
(SIGHS) - Holy crap! - Are you okay? Is the chair okay?! I'm okay.
A bullet just grazed my neck.
- Oh, my God.
- WATTIE: I was standing my ground.
This is my property.
I was standing my ground.
Don't worry, y'all, the chair's fine! Devo's obviously not here.
Let's go.
My property! Good thing I had my wedding dress to stop the bleeding.
KAITLIN: No one cares.
Get in the car.
We're going to Shiny D's.
- God! - WATTIE: I was standing my ground.
This is my property.
I was standing my ground.
- My property! - Jesus! Uh, I like to Wake up Make money There's Devo's truck.
Oh, hell yes! Showtime, bitches! (GROANS) God, I cannot believe I'm still out.
I'm not gonna get any sleep.
Girl, what? Kaitlin's about to stomp Devo's ass and rescue her bunny, and you're worried about not getting enough rest? Look, I know you love drama, Jay, but I'm trying to make smarter choices and take care of myself.
I have a real opportunity to turn my life around, and I'm frickin' blowing it.
That's why you think I'm here? "The drama"? Objection! I mean, I do love a hot mess, and it was fun seeing Crystal Meth in that gang bang, and Erica get shot in the neck.
(CHUCKLES): Oh, yeah, that was pretty tight.
But I'm here 'cause Kaitlin needed us.
She still does.
She act like she don't care, but we all know she love Devo, and he humiliated her.
I thought that's why you were here, too.
But maybe I was wrong.
So if you want to go home and "take care" of yourself, then do it.
We'll find another ride.
- Ooh, wait for me, bitch! - Yeah! JAYLA: Yes! Ha-ha! I see his truck, and I smell his stank-ass cologne.
Now, tell me where he is, Shiny D.
Look, he gave me this blunt to keep my mouth shut, but Get your ass down here with my bunny! No! No! No, I'm staying up here with Mango until you tell me we can still be together! Screw you! I never even liked you, Devo.
You could die up on that roof, - for all I care.
- I will if I have to.
Son of a bitch! How the hell did he get up there? Girl, he took a bump of coke and then ran up that gutter real fast.
Devo! You still owe me a gutter! What? Come on! (ENGINE STARTS) Where the hell is she going? Oh, forget her.
She going home.
Sure about that? I'm dealin' with plastics Get on your job, you've been slackin' Who got the tunes, who got the fashion? Why is you chicks even askin'? Well, hello, weekend Ain't even trippin' The only way you're getting this bunny is if you rip it out of my dead hands.
I'll starve up here if I have to.
That's fine with me.
I'll stay up here for days, if that's what it takes.
I've got nowhere I'd rather be.
JAYLA: What's happening up there? Can y'all come closer to the edge so we can see? I got nowhere I got to be, either.
(CHUCKLING): I'll just rip some more coke, and I'll be fine.
Damn it.
I got weed for days.
I hope you're ready to get ba Crap! All right, fine.
I'll give you Mango, but you tell Kaitlin I did it for her, okay, not 'cause I'm out of weed and coke? Oh.
Got him.
(CHEERING, SHOUTING) DEVO: This isn't over! I'm coming for you, baby! I love the dick out of you! Fuck you, Devo! - (LAUGHS) - You okay, baby? You're safe now.
Mama loves you.
Here, have some gum.
All right, let's get Shelby home, so she can get some sleep before her class.
What? Dude, my class starts in ten minutes.
Oh.
Well, then step on it, girl! (LONG EXHALE) (BEEPING) (STARTS ENGINE) - (GASPS) - Oh, God! Erica! No, I'm right here! That was the chair! - (SCREAMS) - ERICA: Oh! Oh! Oh-ho! We lost the heel, but we're good I have a bag of cement at home! We can figure this out! Yeah, okay, load it up.
It's fine.
I can miss a day.
What? No, you idiot.
Go.
We'll take care of it.
Oh.
Cool.
Thanks.
Hey.
Um how are you, by the way? Uh, what do you mean? I got Mango back, so I'm fine.
Well yeah, but, I mean, w-we know you love Devo, and it's okay - if you're heartbroken.
- Love? What? Really? - That's insane.
- Okay.
Go to class.
(SIGHS): Oh, boy.
Got, got it, but it ain't enough to share Baby, I'm rare Ain't up in my circle, too square When I show up, everybody gotta stare Hey, Ken.
KEN: All right, guys, let's recap yesterday's lesson.
Linking verbs.
Is.
Are.
Was.
- (YAWNS) - Were.
Had been.
Became.
Might be.
Has become.
Has been.
- (SNORING) - Has seen.
Should be.
Should have seen.