Florida Man (2023) s01e07 Episode Script

1
Captain?
Ortiz. Just musing a bit.
Upon what, sir?
The journey back to Spain,
the difficulty of it.
Yes, the crossing to get here was hard.
Many men died.
You weren't even first mate then.
Only after Pablo died of scurvy.
I thought you
Pretty sure he also had scurvy.
But what if we just
Just
Go back.
Just to clarify, the captain is
talking about stealing the gold.
Is he?
Human life is short, but gold is eternal.
And only God can possess the eternal.
- The king may not agree.
- If he finds out.
And at most, we're talking
about a series of misdemeanors.
I am sorry, captain.
I still think it makes us criminals,
and I could not live with myself if
Ortiz has died of scurvy!
I need a new first mate!
Attention, everyone! Tie up the sails.
Shit. Fuck
Ma'am. Ma'am, hey. Hi.
Hey. Okay. Just
Hang in there.
Ambulance is on its way, okay?
Do you want me to call someone?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, wait. No, shit.
Here, I need you to unlock your phone.
All right. All right.
Uh
Yes! Oh, fuck.
Is it one of these?
Oh, no, wait, wait.
That one was me. Mike. Mike?
No, no, no! I'm calling.
Stay awake, stay awake. Fuck.
Hey!
I want my phone call now!
About fucking time.
Hey!
So where are Moss and Delly?
- What's happening at the dock?
- This was not the plan.
No? This wasn't the plan?
- Having me taken out by the police?
- You, yeah. Me, no.
That little suck Andy set me up.
He had me arrested.
For that old dude
that blew up in the porta-potty.
And now thanks to him,
we don't have eyes on Moss.
Moss is stupid, but he's not that stupid.
If he saw us, both of us get arrested,
he's not going to the marina.
- Which is why I used my call for Patsy
- What?
- Hey, hang on.
- You got a call?
Shut up. Yes, I got a fucking phone call
and I called Patsy.
So that her family could get out.
Did she?
- I don't know. She didn't answer.
- Shit.
We don't know what that means.
- Oh, come on.
- We don't.
- Are you kidding me?
- It doesn't mean anything.
It means that she wouldn't be in danger
if you hadn't gotten me arrested
so you could take the gold.
What's wrong with you?
Why do you always think the worst of me?
I find it a very useful place to start.
I had you arrested
because I didn't want you to kill Moss.
Oh, what fucking bullshit.
Bullshit? I wanted you to let us do it.
- Why do you care so much about who did it?
- Because you're my son!
It's a bridge I did not want you to cross.
- I was a cop.
- And that's completely different, okay?
Some old man dies,
some guy blowing up in a porta-potty,
that's collateral damage, okay?
That shit happens.
But you picking up a gun
and shooting a guy
because you want him dead
that's something you don't come back from.
Okay, Valentine. You made bail.
Aha!
- Of course he did.
- Yeah.
- Right this way, sir.
- Shut up. Patsy got my message.
Whoa, not you Valentine.
Him Valentine.
Let's go.
Yes. Hello, sir.
Uh, this is Randy from the marina.
The lady cop's been shot.
Yeah, she can't talk right now.
It's pretty bad. She's bleeding a lot.
And there's another guy here.
I think he's dead.
I don't know. I don't wanna look.
Uh
Here! Here! Over here!
There's the reaction I wanted before.
Surprise.
- You shot Iris?
- No. Who's Iris?
At the dock.
Did you shoot her?
No. I didn't go to the dock
because we figured out
your little ambush plan.
But don't say thanks
for bailing you out or anything.
Fuck you. I need to get to the hospital.
What the fuck?
You might end up there later.
But you got work to do first.
Let's go. All right? Come on. Come on.
Get in.
Iris has been shot.
Tell this asshole
I need to get to the hospital.
I get why you're upset.
The wrong girl taking the bullet and all.
What are you gonna do anyway?
You're not a doctor.
All you are is a driver.
Now, take me to the fucking gold.
Where it really is this time.
Oh, I got you.
Goddamn it! Andy!
Just hold your horses, chief.
- Oh, finally.
- I'm sorry I missed Mike in here with you.
That would have been
a picture for your Christmas card.
I don't know what bug you got up your ass,
but we can work it out later.
No, no, no. You're good where you're at.
I'm just here to visit.
Look, I don't know
what you think I've done,
but you need to listen to me.
No, no.
We're gonna do this
the other way around for once.
See, what you did is you broke my heart.
I tried to count them all up,
the times I looked the other way,
even when you didn't have
enough respect for me
to bother to hide what you were up to.
I told myself,
"It's nothing serious. Where's the harm?
The old man's just making
a few extra bucks off smuggled cigars
or maybe something a little stronger
now and then."
- But you owe me.
- I owe you?
Because what?
I hurt your feelings?
So you bring me in here,
and you bust me on some bullshit charges
about some guy
who died from taking a crap?
Man, that's not why you're in here.
You know this guy?
Whoo!
Fuck yeah!
Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!
Yeah!
- Never seen him before in my life.
- Yeah, he didn't know you either.
But luckily,
in this closed system of ours,
that being the underbelly
of Central Florida street drug crime,
everybody knows somebody.
So I give the cops
who I bought the drugs from,
and I get a deal?
I tell you my supplier and I walk.
We don't meet in person.
All I know is once my product comes in,
it goes up river on a boat.
Whose boat?
She's speedy, I'll give you that.
Take care now.
It's like that funny poster you see,
where, one after the other,
a little fish gets eaten by a bigger fish,
except the opposite.
See, you got eaten
by the littlest fish of all.
- You can't do this.
- This isn't me.
This is the DEA.
- And that's federal.
- My daughter's life is at stake.
You need to help me.
Oh, I don't, actually.
This relationship is no longer symbiotic.
But I'll call Patsy,
and you call a lawyer.
These are the floats.
We dive down, we attach them
to each corner of the truck and the tires,
inflate them with the compressor,
the truck pops up,
and then we float her to shore
like a fucking raft.
Watch your step.
We wouldn't want you to slip
and hurt yourself before we get started.
Thanks. Now give me the phone.
- I need to call the hospital.
- Eh
I changed my mind on that.
I feel like you'll work harder
if I let you call after.
So get to work.
It was supposed to be a four-man job.
Then I guess
you'll have to work four times harder.
My dad never What do you call it?
Groomed me for this.
He never said,
"Son, someday all of this will be yours."
It just was.
Then everybody was looking at me
like the only thing I was, was not him.
Everybody except you.
You made me think I could be someone.
You pulled me through.
Same.
Wait. Wait.
Is it all ready?
- You just have to turn on the compressor.
- Oh. Let me do it.
I mean, I should earn my share, right?
Red button.
Just push it.
Woo-hoo!
- Did you see that? That's fucking awesome!
- Moss!
That's fucking awesome. Hey.
Come on.
One thing.
Hey, hey. Don't you pop that.
I might, though. And down it goes.
- Put the fucking knife away.
- Is shooting it any better?
He won't sink it.
He wants the gold as much as I do.
- More.
- Okay. What?
So this gold
What's the split? A third each?
Here's the split.
I take it all and I let you live.
Counting on my will to live
is a sucker bet.
How do you feel about your sister?
Be honest with yourself.
You know
you'll never manage to pay me back,
not if you live to be 100.
So you know I'm being generous
when I say
I will give you exactly as much gold
as you need to pay me back for all that.
And then we're square,
and your family is safe.
On my word of honor.
Mike.
You've been saying this whole time
all you want is out, right?
I should have gotten out
the night you crawled back
into my motel room like a snake.
Fucking gamblers, man.
- There's nothing.
- It was always nothing.
You're all the same, man.
Every one of you.
Chasing some empty truck.
You know what? I changed my mind.
You can have all the gold.
There's still the matter of your debt.
I'm afraid I gotta settle it
the same way I settled Gil's.
The two of you can have a laugh
over all this when you meet.
I thought you didn't kill Gil.
I didn't.
That's right. He hasn't killed anyone
personally since my father.
Because my dad told me to do it.
We went over this.
Just like Jimmy killed Gil
because I told him to do it.
That's how the boss-employee
relationship works.
You know what, Mike?
Let me tell you why
Look what you made me do.
Him or me?
All of you.
I do have a question, though.
If you had that gun,
why didn't you use it before?
Sure, and when would have been good?
At your sister's house?
Or in the car
driving down the highway with a gun on me?
Or in front of the police station?
Plus, who I might actually have to shoot,
since you were happy
to let me drive blindly into an ambush.
- I thought you were with him.
- I know you did, and fuck you for that!
I heard you in his motel room, Delly.
- When?
- This afternoon.
- You told him that you've been playing me.
- To save your life!
Well, I know that now.
Is that a thank you?
Thank you.
Freeze.
Dude, I have the gun.
I know you have the gun
'cause it's my goddamn gun!
- What?
- Deputy Ketcher?
Yeah.
Wait, you know this guy?
He's right. It's his gun. I stole it.
Hard to mistake it.
Wait, so he's a cop?
- Yeah.
- Because, seriously
I don't care about that, okay?
I really don't.
I'm not gonna go into everything
that's happened the last few days,
except to say I have a new understanding
for people living
on the margins of society.
I did have a finger up my ass,
but all I wanted was a gun.
That's it.
You wouldn't think that would be
hard to get in Florida after all.
But of course
I had to pick a murder weapon,
which in retrospect was probably
also inevitable, given the odds.
I probably rode past three or four of them
by the side of the road on the way here.
But right now,
I swear to you beyond any doubt,
I have zero interest in either one of you.
All I want right now in the whole world
is my gun back
and to get the fuck out of Florida.
Problem is, your gun
is now a murder weapon.
And there's a bullet missing.
A bullet from your personal weapon
inside a murder victim.
That's something you don't want,
and you should take that too.
- From his head?
- No, it probably went through.
What was the angle?
Right where she's standing.
It could be lodged in that truck.
Yeah, or maybe it ricocheted. There, look.
- Here.
- Thank you very much.
Hey, can you give me a hand before you go?
Sure. With what?
You wanna say something?
My father told me
never to speak ill of the dead.
But then
that degenerate fucker killed him.
Thank you.
Oh.
I don't have enough money
for the bus home.
That sucks, but it's not our problem.
Sorry.
Look left.
Look forward.
Okay, now can we go?
What?
We have to make a stop.
No.
I need to go to the hospital.
Are you fucking kidding me?
To see if Iris is okay.
- So call her.
- It's my fault she's hurt.
But it's not mine.
I need to give her the tape of Moss.
What tape?
Him confessing to murder.
You have me doing murder. Give me that.
I'll erase your part. Don't worry.
Will you?
- What do you mean, will I?
- I don't know, Mike.
I just know
how many times I've sat around waiting
while you take care of your needs,
and your wants,
and your sister, and your ex-wife,
and now it's my turn, me.
I need. I
I just fucking killed someone for you,
and what? Nothing.
All of you.
All you guys thought
I was just some character in your stories
but this is my story.
Always was.
My shot at not having to
ask some man for what I want.
My dad for a loan,
Moss to take care of me,
you to help me with the gold,
and now there is no gold.
I have to get
the fuck out of Dodge right now.
And I don't need you to be in that part,
Mike. I don't. I'm fine.
But I want you to be, so
Waiting around,
hoping you'll pick me for once, is over.
So you can be in the next chapter or not.
Either way, it's now, so choose.
Hi.
Hi yourself.
The good news is you're alive.
The bad news
Still in Florida.
Mm-hm.
I'm afraid so.
- Hey.
- Hmm?
I got you a present.
Moss's confession.
Two murders.
See? Name brand came through.
When I get my phone back,
I'll get a warrant for Moss's arrest.
Moss is gonna be hard to find.
How hard?
The important thing is that you got him
and closed your first case.
Yeah, but I can't bring him in
or say why.
And you managed to ditch me
long enough to pull off your heist,
so I'd say the big winner here is you.
Not at all.
I was shot.
I know.
But at least I wanted you
to have what you came here for.
I did.
I got to feel what it's like to be you.
To bet everything you have
on a long shot
and lose.
The only difference is I can quit.
We don't need the information
on the flash drive anymore.
Moss won't be a problem.
I need different help.
I need to disappear.
That's something
I know you have experience in, so
No, I'm fine. I'm okay.
Okay.
Thanks, Mom.
I see the forest through the trees ♪
The day has arrived for Longwood residents
as that big sinkhole
is finally being filled in forever.
County supervisors
have approved plans for a park
Is it a sign of the times? ♪
Or only in my mind? ♪
Only in my mind? ♪
No more trouble, no more crying ♪
No more, no more, no more ♪
It'll turn my water into wine ♪
Please, please, please ♪
Quitting?
But you waited so long to make detective.
It wasn't working for me
in the department anymore.
I felt like they were always
gonna look at me like I let Mike slide.
Slide? Is that? No.
What's the new job?
FBI.
Don't tell me what I will and won't ♪
Don't tell me ♪
I'll give you something ♪
You can just get into the FBI?
Get?
Someone from the governor's office
recommended me.
Said they saw my undercover work
at Moss's house.
But being a police detective
is all I ever wanted.
So I keep wondering if it's the right move
or the only one I have left.
Tell the pilot to keep the a.c. on.
I won't be in Florida long.
Let's go find my brother.
Is it a sign of the times? ♪
Is it a sign of the times? ♪
Or only in my mind? ♪
Or only in mind? ♪
No more trouble, no more crying ♪
No more crying, no, no ♪
He'll turn my water into wine ♪
- Hey.
- Good morning, Mike.
Is it a sign of the times? ♪
Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? ♪
Or only in my mind? ♪
Only in my mind? ♪
No more trouble, no more crying ♪
There'll be no more trouble, no ♪
He'll turn my water into wine ♪
He'll turn my water into wine ♪
Is it a sign of the times ♪
Oh, my God. Look at you.
Hi.
Oh. I need you
to sign something for school.
- What did you do?
- Don't freak out.
Thank you.
He'll turn it, he'll turn it ♪
Turn my water into wine ♪
Turn my water into wine ♪
Turn my water into wine ♪
Turn my water into wine ♪
Hello.
Welcome to the Palm's Motel.
Uh, how many nights
will you be staying with us?
All of them.
This is my motel.
A Florida man was hunting pythons
in the Everglades yesterday
when the hunter became the hunted.
Wildlife authorities say
he was killed by an 18-foot snake,
which then choked to death
trying to swallow him.
While authorities say that python attacks
on humans are rare,
they will eat alligators.
So maybe it was confused
by the hunter's brand-new alligator boots.
I just wanted new alligator boots
and an airboat.
Now I'll never get new alligator boots
and an airboat.
After the break, Chip Devons brings us
part four of his special report
- Where's my gold?
- I don't know.
Buzz is dead.
How?
Hunting snakes.
Hmm.
He was also wearing new alligator boots
and had a new airboat.
Precisely the things
he said he would buy with the gold
when he got it.
Which he did, when you stole it.
How could I?
I've been locked up in here.
You did it the night before.
The night Dutch blew up.
- What is this?
- My boat.
The heat is on you two,
and it's bad for all of us.
Get on the boat, go somewhere.
I promise you'll get your cut.
I'm not going back to that motel.
You can stay at my place.
I'll crash with Ray-Ray.
The three of you
used the salvage equipment
to raise the truck, get the gold.
Sank the truck again and put
the equipment back on Ray-Ray's truck.
What I didn't notice was
that it was still wet.
"Is it wrong to want the gold
that gives you a better life?"
What?
Wagon Train. You wouldn't remember it.
Barbara Stanwyck?
Barbara Stanwyck?
Yeah, I loved her.
Delly's got a little bit of that in her.
You know, I
I thought, I really did,
and that's my fault
but I thought for one minute
back in that cell that night
that you did really care
more about me than the gold.
But as you were saying that,
you had already stolen it.
Not from you.
From her.
I didn't trust her.
I tried to tell you that,
but you wouldn't listen.
I let you think
there was nothing in the truck
so she would leave
with that asshole boyfriend.
Buzz and Ray-Ray
were gonna take their share
and then were gonna hide ours, okay?
Until the boyfriend and Delly were gone.
Then Ray-Ray got himself killed,
and I got myself locked up in here.
Unless you think that
that was part of the plan.
Totally. Absolutely.
I can see you doing a stretch in here
for $100 million.
I wanna see
my granddaughter grow up, so no.
- You just can't help it, can you?
- Help what?
Lying. Just give me the truth
one time in my whole life.
Just once.
You were never going to
tell me about the gold, were you?
Fine.
I was never gonna tell you.
There you go.
Why not?
Because you would have left.
Okay?
But you're here now
and I'll be getting out soon.
You won't get out soon,
and I won't be here when you do.
Where are you gonna be?
Iris is gone.
Delly is gone.
And you are right back here
where you started.
Nowhere.
I was really pulling for you and Iris.
That Delly
she brought out the me in you.
And as a father,
I was really hoping for something better.
But I guess in the end,
you and I are just the same.
Some, yeah.
The difference is
one of us can still walk out of here.
So you talked to Dad?
He looks good in orange.
Rum and Coke?
You want one? I get them for free.
My brother owns the place.
Nah. He's just the manager.
Oops. I hope I don't get him fired.
He has no other job skills.
How are you?
Still wearing the ring.
We'll see how that goes.
What about you?
I've lost everything
that ever mattered in my life.
I'm stuck here in Florida.
I live in a spare room
above a convicted felon's bar.
So I'm golden.
Oh, come on.
You haven't lost everything.
You still have an angry ex-wife.
I also have a sister
I owe a ton of apologies to.
Don't start now.
It's a long list, and I can't stay.
I'm sorry about Deacon.
It needed to happen.
I'm almost grateful. Not to you.
Grateful I finally told the truth.
What about the girl?
No idea.
Disappeared.
Nobody disappears anymore.
We're all a blinking blue dot
on someone's screen.
All right, well, I gotta go.
I gotta go to the laundromat.
All right.
Bye.
Good luck lovin' somebody ♪
Like me ♪
Who's gonna give you the runaround? ♪
Run you right back into the ground ♪
Well, good luck ♪
Finding somebody like me ♪
When the world is endin' ♪
You'll leave eventually ♪
Ooh ♪
Ooh ♪
Fucking GPS, right?
So, Mike, did you come here for me
or for the gold?
Darlin' lover ♪
Too many hearts
Slip through these hands ♪
If it's not gonna work with you ♪
Well, I've done the best I ♪
Good luck ♪
Lovin' somebody like me ♪
Who's gonna give you the runaround? ♪
Run you right back into the ground ♪
Well, good luck ♪
Findin' somebody like me ♪
Who's gonna love you endlessly? ♪
Good luck ♪
Lovin' somebody like me ♪
Who's gonna give you the runaround? ♪
Run you right back into the ground ♪
Well, good luck ♪
Findin' somebody like me ♪
Who's gonna love you endlessly? ♪
Good luck ♪
Lovin' somebody like me ♪
Who's gonna give you the runaround? ♪
Run you right
Like a root to the ground ♪
Well, good luck ♪
Findin' somebody who will ♪
Love you the way I do ♪