FUBAR (2023) s01e07 Episode Script

1
[rhythmic music playing]
[Tally breathing heavily]
[both grunting, moaning]
Ah! That's impossible.
Really?
I'm sure we did that when we were married.
I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about the rowing machine,
that it was able to hold us both up.
[both laughing]
It's a good selling point.
You should use it on your next sales call.
Okay.
- Mm.
- [phone chimes, vibrates]
Oh. Sorry.
- Eventually you have to tell him.
- [inhales sharply] I'll tell him soon.
I I think he's getting the idea
that something is up
because I keep making excuses
not to see him.
[Luke]
Why don't you just tell him the truth?
That you met
the man of your dreams again.
It's not that easy, Luke.
He's a good person.
I get it.
But is he taking you
for a romantic dinner at Masa,
and then a concert at the Met,
all wrapped up
with a beautiful night at the Ritz?
- I've been dreaming about it all week.
- I know. You love all this stuff.
[exhales]
We get to go on a real date again
after what, a decade and a half?
But you have to tell him.
I will tell him before our special night.
You have my word.
[sighs] Baby.
You have my word.
[light rock music playing]
You have my heart.
[music ends]
What you got there?
Uh, just going through
old Eastern European files
for potential Boro leads in case
the cell phone data doesn't pan out.
You?
I'm just looking for an in to talk to you.
[Emma scoffs]
Look
as "Pooh Bear,"
I've had hundreds if not thousands
of meaningless kisses in my life,
and our smooch, it wasn't one of them.
You lied to me in that bunker,
and you lied to yourself.
You have very strong
romantic feelings for me,
and you just You just can't admit it.
Aldon,
I'm engaged.
[inhales]
Well, then you have a decision to make.
You can go for the sweet little baby boy
you've been dating
that has an antiquing hobby
and a cute backside that kinda looks like
a Cornish game hen's,
or
you can go for all this.
Okay, don't Don't do that.
You know Carter is more than that,
and you are more than that.
[clicks tongue] Thank you.
I just need some time
to figure things out.
I'm I'm willing to wait.
You're, uh, more than worth waiting for.
[gentle piano music playing]
[Luke on video] Very good, Bengal.
Good. Good.
Now, shoot on goal.
He shoots!
- He scores!
- [knocking at door]
- Yes!
- Hey.
Did you hear the news?
Kill order's been approved for Boro.
Yeah, I heard that.
Everything okay?
Everything's fine. What's up?
Well [clears throat]
I, um,
I need some love advice.
Eh, me and Tina,
our third date is coming up
It's the hanky-panky date?
Yeah, and I am not
the most experienced lover.
I've only been with one woman.
Seriously?
It was my cousin's cousin,
and it wasn't all that.
She was kinda bossy.
You had sex with your cousin?
No. No way.
My cousin had her own cousin.
That's who I sexed with.
Yo, I just heard from Dot
about the kill order.
- What's going on here?
- Barry had sex with his cousin.
It was a cousin's cousin.
You know, when I was 19,
I had my eye on my uncle's second wife,
but social norms and all.
We had to pump the brakes at second base.
Oh, so your uncle's second wife
is a no-fly zone,
but your pal's daughter is game on?
You really want to get into this now?
I think we should focus on Barry
sleeping with his relatives.
- Who I slept with is not the issue here.
- Kinda is.
I only did it, like, five times,
and I could just really use some advice
because I really like Tina
You guys hear about the kill order?
Straight up
Find, Fix, and Finish directive.
We are gonna Triple F him up.
- What did I walk in on?
- Nothing.
Barry's nervous 'cause he and Tina
are gonna make sweet, sweet love,
and his experience is limited
to a few times with a family member.
His cousin.
So you cranked your cousin? Big deal.
I mean,
I left my robe open for the mailman
so he'd carry my packages
all the way to the front door.
But the most important thing to remember
is that sex, it's a physical act, okay?
You just gotta get up on your toes,
and you just gotta create
a hearty momentum and just stick with it.
It needs to be consistent.
You have the balls to complain when
I don't want you to be with my daughter?
Making love is not about the movement.
Not movement.
It's about passion, about love,
and about sharing.
Not None of that.
I'm sure that works great
after you and the missus watch 60 Minutes
and push the beds together,
but, Barry, you gotta focus on one thing:
a great, big sex organ.
I'm doomed.
I'm talking about the brain, buddy.
You wanna get a woman going,
you gotta stimulate her between the ears,
not between the here's.
Whole trick is to go subliminal.
You gotta work in words that sound dirty,
like, "Look at those pussy willows."
"I love fresh kumquats."
"My grandpa has angina."
There you go.
[phones chiming, vibrating]
Briefing is on.
You guys are gonna talk about this
when I'm not around, aren't you?
Thank you so much for sending the video.
She looks so much better.
Yeah. And she's riding Carter now.
- Carter?
- Yeah, her new rocking horse.
Named it after her uncle.
Em, you should've seen her face light up
when he gave it to her.
Spoils her rotten.
Wow, that that's so great of him.
Um, well,
tell Romi Auntie Em loves her, and, um
I I gotta go.
Emma, are you okay?
'Cause you seem kinda off.
- And Carter looked terrible.
- [sighs]
Everything's so messed up.
I I snapped at Carter for the horse
because it wasn't what I needed,
but it seems he knew
exactly what Romi needed.
Sandy, I don't know. I mean, he's such a
A great guy.
I don't know what to do.
Oh shit. Is there someone else?
Kinda maybe.
I'm so confused.
I was eight months pregnant with Romi
when I met your brother.
I was not looking for a relationship,
but I knew the minute I saw him
he was the one for me.
He loved me for who I was, and I knew
he'd love me unconditionally forever.
Everything else was white noise.
Carter loves you unconditionally.
He loves your family unconditionally.
Then what's there to be confused about?
Before we start, I wanna stress
that we are heading into
a particularly critical
and delicate phase of this matter.
Can I assume that this team
can work together?
Because Pfeffer says your sessions
have gotten worse than ever.
To the point of uncommunicative.
We're all fine here.
Eyes on the prize, boss.
Rumor mill has it you two hate each other.
- Mm.
- [splutters] Uh, faulty intel, Director.
That's right. I just hate her.
Nobody hates me 'cause I'm delightful.
Luke, Aldon, you don't have beef?
No, ma'am, we're great friends.
He would never say anything bad about me,
or think that I wasn't good enough
for his daughter or anything like that
because that would make him
a terrible person.
And you guys, Frick and Frack,
you're not getting along?
Listen, I was just grossed out
because he kissed the princess,
and then he got into my personal space,
but you know, circle-circle-dot-dot,
now I got my cootie shot,
so it's all good.
Fucking kindergarten.
- Look, Director, we had our issues.
- [Emma clears throat]
But we squared it away,
and now we move forward.
That's it, and that's all.
Fine.
This is the case as it stands today.
Tech Ops cracked the encryption
on Cain's cell phone.
Based on the cell phone towers
it's been pinging,
Boro is hiding out in Sardovia,
specifically a nuclear reactor there
that melted down in '89.
[Tina] Smart. He's using the radiation
from the disaster
to mask the radiation signature
from his suitcase nuke.
All that time in Sardovia?
Boro Polonia is gonna fry his bologna.
If Boro and his men take iodine tablets
and they hide out
in the radiation-resistant
concrete subbasement
underneath the reactor,
they will actually be fine.
Until we execute our kill order.
I don't think that we should kill Boro.
And we can't get his buyers from him
if he's dead.
We tried that already, and we got burned.
White House has been clear.
Our new primary objective
is to neutralize Boro
and retrieve every weapon
he's manufactured.
Plain and simple,
get the nukes off the market.
And due to the sensitive
and contested nature of Sardovia,
this is a need-to-know mission,
limited to the people in this room only.
Okay, so what's the plan?
Sardovia is a communist regime
with no diplomatic relations with the US.
You can't just get in there
like it's Barry's cousin's pants.
You wish.
Seventh floor is putting together
a tactical operation as we speak.
Once the details are confirmed,
I need you ready to go
at a moment's notice.
- Great.
- You got it.
- [Tina] All right.
- [sighs]
[Luke] I don't think I could kill him.
Care to elaborate?
Boro didn't choose to be the child
of a sociopathic criminal.
He was always
this sweet, smart little boy.
As a matter of fact,
I remember I bought him one time
a little, cheap harmonica at an airport.
Within days he mastered the instrument.
He played songs.
He was a real good kid.
I loved him.
But now,
I feel responsible the way he turned out.
You know what I'm saying, Dr. Pfeffer?
First, thank you for using my real name.
I think these visits are working,
and we're getting closer and closer
to a place of mutual respect.
Second, are you sure you're talking
about Boro and not Emma?
Care to elaborate?
You said you had
a wonderful relationship with the child,
but now you're starting to worry
about how it's fallen apart
and how that child functions as an adult.
And you feel responsible.
Well, that fits Emma to a tee.
You and she barely talk now.
You don't like her choice of career,
the language she uses,
the men she chooses.
You feel like you failed her as well.
And perhaps,
you need to accept
that in some ways you did.
Maybe you need to unpack your feelings,
grab onto those emotions,
and explore your heart a little.
- Maybe you should
- Let me guess.
Maybe I should unpack a toolbox,
grab a flashlight,
and explore my own asshole?
You were gonna say
something snide like that, weren't you?
Not exactly.
- No, but close?
- Very close, yeah.
You were ready to lash out at me
because you know
that I hit too close to home.
Now, I suggest that you think about
why that bothers you so much.
So I was thinking maybe we could watch
The Dark Crystal again.
Or maybe Willow.
And I could, uh, mix the Goobers in
with the popcorn like you like.
Ah, hold your horses, Barry.
I have got a better idea.
[provocative music playing]
You like?
Caroline Keene Kelley,
the first ever full-time female Robin.
Correct.
Get that man a prize. [chuckles]
[both moan]
[Barry] To the Batpole, Robin!
- [Emma] Carter?
- Hi.
Hey. You haven't returned my calls.
I haven't wanted to talk with you.
Oh.
Yeah. Um, but your dad said
you were gonna be coming by here.
Yeah, I didn't want them to worry about
About shopping when they bring Romi home.
He also said you'd be leaving again soon,
so I wanted to make sure that I
said what I had to say before you left.
- My dad called you?
- Yeah.
God, he cannot
stay out of our business, can he?
I'm glad he told me what he told me.
- Carter you have to believe me
- What am I gonna believe?
You kissed him,
and then you immediately
looked me right in the eyes
and pretended that you didn't.
Right? So I know that you
went on some vacation with him
in Asia somewhere.
I guess that's where you got
that bottle of stain you lied to me about.
I did not lie to you about the stain.
I got it from the hobby shop.
You lied about Aldon.
You you lied about kissing him.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah.
I kissed him.
It was really stupid,
and it's not going anywhere.
I've had time to think about it.
Carter,
I love you.
You're the person I wanna marry.
[spluttering] You're the person
I wanna have a family with.
I realize that now.
I don't wanna lose you.
Carter, we love each other.
Everything else is just white noise.
Yeah.
I I will always love you, Emma.
Uh, I just don't trust you anymore.
I can't.
Are you breaking up with me?
I think I just did.
A couple of seconds ago.
[light instrumental music playing]
[phone chimes, vibrates]
[Emma] Work.
- I
- I know, you gotta take this, right?
Yeah.
[Emma gasps]
["Ain't That a Kick in the Head"
by Dean Martin playing]
How lucky can one guy be? ♪
I kissed her, and she kissed me ♪
Like the fella once said ♪
Ain't that a kick in the ♪
[song ends]
You're late.
You're never late.
Was there a sale on the stupid toys
that you always buy with the big heads?
They're called Funkos,
and you can go Funko yourself
'cause nothing's
gonna put me in a bad mood today.
Oh, did our little Barry
become a man last night?
[chuckles]
A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.
What?
Oh, for Pete's sake.
Yes, we got it on, and it was amazing.
[footsteps approaching]
What's going on?
Ah, nothing. We're just celebrating
these two coming together.
Literally.
- [Tina clears throat]
- Oh.
Just, uh, make sure you fill out
one of those forms with HR.
Time to work.
[doors closing]
Sorry I'm late.
Turns out the same defense contractor
has been in charge of protecting
the nuclear exclusion zone
around Sardovia's reactor
for the past 34 years.
But several days ago,
a new company took over.
That only happens
when a lot of money changes hands.
And Boro has a lot of money.
Keyhole sats have noted
heightened security,
upping checkpoints
on the only road in and out,
and our assets have noted
increased monitoring at nearby airports.
With our complicated relationship
with Sardovia,
we have to enter very carefully.
You get caught, you get killed.
Oh no, that would be a tragedy
for three-fourths of us.
[Dot]
You'll take the agency jet to Glasgow,
change identities there,
fly commercial to Stockholm,
change identities again,
before heading to Frankfurt,
where you'll swap out IDs one more time
before taking off for Baku, Azerbaijan.
There, you'll assume final persona
and enter a special cargo system.
What's the special cargo?
Cadavers.
Air Branch will fake a plane crash
in rural Azerbaijan,
and the local friendlies will ensure
the media reports
five Sardovians died in said crash.
Allowing us and our weapons to be
transported into Sardovia in coffins.
Azerbaijan has
diplomatic relations with Sardovia,
so no one will question
why they'd help their neighbors
by sending the crash victims home.
Though Azerbaijan is not our ally per se,
they do have common security interests
with the US.
Common security interests?
We paid them. A lot.
As a result,
they'll be outfitting you with weapons,
provisions, and tools for breach.
- All will be packed in with you.
- In coffins?
And so what happens
once we rise from the dead?
You'll meet up with Sardovian agent,
Landon Fedorov.
Landon is a good guy.
I recruited him during the Cold War.
He will provide an armed escort
to the reactor's exclusion zone.
He knows a safe point of entry
devoid of patrols and security.
There, you'll use OTS-provided chemicals,
gear, and equipment
to breach said perimeter,
find the suitcase,
and fix and finish Boro.
We got our orders.
Let's suit up.
Oh, Xanax?
You know that causes slurred speech,
drowsiness, and memory issues?
It also cures "get in the box" issues.
- I'm claustrophobic.
- What? Since when?
Since my dad held me under a blanket
when I was six
and yelled "fight your way out"
to toughen me up.
It kinda had the opposite effect.
- Your old man doesn't sound that bad.
- What's that supposed to mean?
It means Carter dumped me.
Why couldn't you just butt out?
All I did was kiss some guy.
Oh, okay. I have a name. It's Aldon Reese.
You cost me my relationship.
Your bad choices cost your relationship.
You can't have a marriage based on lies.
Trust me, I know.
And Carter deserved to know.
I'll determine when Carter
needs to know things, okay? Not you.
You determine that Carter needs to know
something and when he needs to know it?
I mean, do you hear yourself?
That's not what I meant, and you know it.
Sweetheart,
I never thought I'm gonna say this.
Carter deserves better.
[gentle piano music playing]
'Cause what you're doing to him
is exactly what I did to your mother.
You mean what you're still doing to her?
How can you lecture me
when you're setting her up for disaster
all over again?
[Luke sighs]
Wait Where the hell are you going?
I'm gonna make a call.
[door opens]
Hey.
I just picked up the blue dress you like
from the dry cleaners,
and wait until you see
what I'll be wearing underneath it.
[Luke] Oh, about tonight, um,
I'm gonna be out of town.
It's a last-minute thing.
Oh, there isn't anything in your calendar.
Like I said, it's a last-minute thing,
so it won't be in the calendar.
Oh no. Is this about Barry's gambling?
No, uh, well
[sighs]
Luke, I'm not following.
If you're busy,
we can do this next weekend, okay?
And just so you know,
I'm going off in 20 minutes
to talk to Donnie
to tell him about us.
No, don't do that, um,
I've been thinking.
[spluttering] This whole thing is
not gonna work out.
- Um
- [inhales sharply]
You deserve better than me.
[slow instrumental music playing]
That's fine.
Uh, I knew the old Luke Brunner
would show up eventually.
Tally,
I just don't want to hurt you again.
Right.
Thanks for not hurting me, Luke.
[line beeps]
Two sugars, extra sweet, just like you.
[Tina chuckles]
- ETA on the landing?
- Plane's about 30 minutes out.
All that time spent in coffins.
Spooky.
- [chuckles]
- Speaking of spooky,
once this Boro stuff is over,
we'll have free time.
We could go into the city
to visit Ghostbusters filming locations.
I got a limited edition
proton pack replica we could share.
Not that I'm trying to boast.
You ain't 'fraid of no boasts.
[sighs]
- You're perfect.
- And you're awesome. [chuckles]
But I, uh,
I got paperwork today.
Soon as the mission's over,
they are sending me back to the NSA.
Maryland offices.
What?
I I wanna stay.
I like this team, and you, a lot,
but I have orders.
In Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope,
Luke defies orders
and turns off his targeting system
in his fight against the Galactic Empire.
Wait, what are you doing?
I'm gonna blow up the Death Star.
[Aldon grunts, groans]
- [exhales]
- Everyone okay?
Yeah, slept like the dead.
Would've thought Roo
would be the first one out.
Come on, Rooster, it's time to wake up.
[yawns]
[slurring] Hey, is it a snow day?
Uh-oh, she's baked like a potato.
- How many pills did you take?
- How many pills did you take?
Okay, take care of Cheech.
- Emma, let's gear up.
- Yeah.
Buddy, come here.
It's the night-night time.
[Emma exhales]
Boro's gonna get quite the send-off.
Assuming proof's in the puddin'?
Canary's in the coal mine.
Traffic's light, commandeer some wheels,
and you'll be on schedule
with your rendezvous with Landon.
- Aldon, get a vehicle.
- Yep.
Thank you.
All right, I gotta go steal a ride.
You gonna be okay?
Honk.
Fantastic.
[phone rings, vibrates]
[soft rock music playing]
Any news?
Yanked on some red tape.
I can put the kibosh
on your lady friend's transfer,
but I'm gonna need
my back scratched too, muchacho.
Whatever you want.
When they moved Personnel
to the third floor,
I left behind our espresso maker,
and now those dicks in Cyber
won't give it back.
Done. Easier than shooting womp rats.
[mimics gun firing]
Just get my machine, putz.
It's Putt.
Hello?
[dramatic music playing]
File says Sardovians
might've loaded the area with munitions
after the meltdown
to keep enemies from the reactor,
so maybe you slow down as we get closer?
Landon will get us in safely.
Don't worry about it.
He knows the area really well.
He's a great asset, a really good guy.
You know who else is a good guy?
This dude.
You're so smart.
Look at you just reading away.
Oh my God, your hair is so pretty.
It's like a Shih Tzu
got it on with cotton candy.
[guns firing]
[tense music playing]
Who the hell are those guys?
It's Landon.
Son of a bitch double-crossed us.
- Thought you said he was a good guy.
- He was a good guy.
But we're spies
in an Eastern Bloc country.
These guys get paid off.
[guns firing]
Clear.
Shit.
Clear.
Well, that sucked.
I couldn't get my safety off.
Probably for the best, pal.
How are we getting into the reactor
without Landon taking us
to the entry point?
We might not have a covert way in,
but we have a ton of weapons
in our shuttle.
Maybe we have to go
more directly and louder.
Well, we should get moving.
When Landon doesn't report back
to whatever Sardovian agency
wanted to take us out,
- they're gonna come looking.
- [gun fires]
[Aldon groans]
- Don't move.
- [groans]
I guess, uh,
wasn't as clear as I thought. [groans]
Clean exit wound. Nothing major damaged.
Just my body.
Don't worry, bud. We're gonna put you
on that shuttle and get you help ASAP.
That was on me. Mm-hm.
All the nuclear waste is re-irradiated.
Enough for 19 weapons.
Nineteen?
That's more than I anticipated.
All you have to do
is put the C4, um, Cain procured for me
in the suitcases.
Detonation will trigger
the nuclear reaction.
And that's it.
[sighs]
It will be brutally effective.
Now, please, I I did what you want.
Let me go home.
[ominous music playing]
Do you think that Steve Jobs
became so powerful
because he was the best at what he did?
Or because,
through ruthless efficiency,
he made sure no one else
could do what he did?
I have to make certain
that no one else on this planet
can share how to make
a suitcase nuke out of waste material.
And right now,
you're someone else.
No.
No.
No, please. Wait, wait.
You promised to set me free.
That's exactly what I'm doing, Doctor.
- [Emma] Hey.
- [Roo] Okay.
How do you feel?
How do I feel?
No food, no water, in hostile territory
[Roo sighs]
- I've felt better.
- Pretty guy.
- Just hang in there, okay?
- Yeah.
Emma
he's in terrible shape.
We need to get in
and out of here double-time.
Guys, satellites show
a freshwater creek just six miles north,
but the odds of it being contaminated
with radiation are over 94%.
Pass. We'll be fine.
There's also a dark square object
in one image,
very symmetrical, just a few
hundred yards away from the creek.
Symmetrical squares
aren't normally found in nature.
Could be an access hatch or something.
- I think that's our way in.
- What about Uncle Barry?
Was he able to get any help
from our contacts in Azerbaijan?
[Tina] Not sure.
He stepped out to make contact,
but he hasn't returned.
I hate espresso. It's too strong.
- Don't know how the Italians hack it.
- [Barry] Great.
I'll just run up to Cyber
and get that machine out your hair.
Nice try.
I know Maggie wants it, which means
you want something from Personnel,
which means I want something from you.
- Name it.
- Ten dollars and twelve cents.
Done and done.
I don't want your money.
I want the money to come from Accounting.
Specifically, a check signed
by that dictator, Farkas,
who runs that fascist regime.
Why does it matter, man?
Four years ago,
I wined and dined an asset in Prague.
When I'd submit my expense report
to Farkas,
he'd only reimburse me
for the dining, none of the wining.
Seems the CIA won't cover alcohol
without prior written permission.
I am just trying to stop someone
from getting transferred.
Then get me my check.
Oh.
Mrs. Brunner.
Are you okay?
Top of the world, Carter.
So I was just dropping off
some of Emma's stuff from my apartment
'cause I thought it'd be pretty awkward
if I had to see her again.
You two broke up?
Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah.
I'm surprised she didn't tell you.
[scoffs] I'm not.
Let me guess.
She's away on business?
Brunner family motto.
Sit.
Here.
Getting jettisoned hurts.
Uh, well, actually, I broke up with Emma.
You did? Why?
'Cause she cheated on me
with, um, what's his name?
Alton? Aldon.
That really hot guy she works with?
The one with the shoulders?
Shit.
You need a double.
- Pound it.
- Pound it?
- Pound it.
- I typically like to sip more than
What are you, Amish? Drink.
Amish don't sip drinks.
They don't drink. [groans]
- Mm-hm.
- Welcome to The Dump Club, Carter.
Population: us.
So you got dumped? [exhales]
Yeah, you think somebody loves you.
You give 'em your heart,
but they grind it into protein powder,
guzzle it down with whey and kale,
and fart it into the couch
while they watch SportsCenter.
[spluttering] I I really thought
Emma and I were a thing.
I thought Donnie
That you and Donnie were a thing.
I I'm sorry you're going through this.
[chuckles] Yeah.
I sincerely thought
you had found a really good man.
I did, Carter.
Carter, I gotta do something.
But, look, getting off
the Brunner family emotional rollercoaster
is a good thing.
And I will always love you.
And you'll always be part of this family.
- All right, now get out of my house.
- [spluttering] I
I love love you.
Hey, Donnie, I've been thinking.
You and I should get married.
You sure we're going
in the right direction?
[Barry] I'm into the INRA archives.
They've got the reactor schematics.
It's an old drainage system.
The pipe will drop you
past Boro's topside security
and into the reactor's subbasement.
Good.
Then we just have to find the suitcase.
[Emma] And take out Boro.
Roo, Aldon update?
Uh, he's holding on strong, right, pal?
I taste copper.
We gotta wrap this up quick
if he's gonna have a chance.
- I'm aware of that
- [phone vibrates]
so let's move.
It's Mom.
"So you and Carter broke up.
I warmed you."
"I warmed you?"
She's been drinking.
She's blaming me?
Well, who else should she blame?
Uh, I can think of 250 Austrian pounds
of blame to go around.
One, I'm not 250. I'm 220 and all lean.
Two, I didn't make
you and Carter break up.
I didn't force you and, uh,
Aldon's lips together.
All right?
So not everything that goes wrong
in your life is my fault.
Really?
Let's look at the record.
Before I'm forced to team up with Dad,
great relationship, love my job,
happy as a clam.
Afterwards, my relationship's
in the shitter, and I'm miserable.
It's not my fault
that you agreed to a proposal
to marry a guy you didn't want to marry.
And then you go and kiss
another guy while you're engaged,
and then you hide the truth from him.
So stop blaming me for everything.
You know,
just take responsibility yourself.
Be a grown-up for once in your life.
I mean, you were more grown up
when you were 15 years old.
You know, Emma, I think that
we would've been friends when we were 15.
We would've watched
Veronica Mars together.
Novac's irradiating nuclear waste.
The equipment is gonna require
a decent amount of space.
So the suitcase
would have to be here or here.
[door closes]
[man clears throat]
Farkas.
Hello, Barry. I got your email
and came down immediately.
I'll be right back.
[soft rock music playing]
All right, so you'll authorize
the ten dollars and twelve cents?
Oh, it would be my pleasure
for a price.
And I think you know what I want.
- No. No way. No deal.
- Good day.
No, wait.
[Barry sighs]
I am sorry for what I did.
It was wrong of me, okay?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
You'll have to refresh my recollection.
San Diego Comic-Con 2019.
I corrected you
Wrongly corrected me.
Wrongly corrected you when I insinuated
that you thought Grand Moff Tarkin's
first name was Moff.
When clearly
When clearly any true Star Wars fans
would know that Moff was his rank.
You humiliated me in front of my peers,
and now you're going to give me
what you know I want,
or it's ta-ta, Tina.
You have your devil's bargain.
- Let go.
- Okay.
Here it is.
Right up there.
[Aldon grunts]
- Oh! Oh, oh.
- [Emma] Aldon.
- [Roo grunts]
- [Aldon winces]
The wound isn't clotting.
All right, he stays.
Roo, put some pressure on his wound
until we get evac'd.
- Okay.
- Uh, I don't think she's in any condition
to care for anybody.
What is so hard about it? You just press
the cloth against his shoulder.
- It's the wrong shoulder, pal.
- Oh! Oh, sorry, my bad.
- Emma, let's hit it.
- I'll be right there.
Listen, you're gonna be okay.
We're gonna come back really soon.
We're not gonna let you die
in a drainage pipe.
And um, I was thinking
maybe after all this,
we could really give it a shot.
I mean, maybe you were right.
Maybe I just am afraid to admit that
I actually do have feelings for you.
Are you serious?
[laughs] You're so sad right now.
You're only saying that
'cause Carter kicked you to the curb,
and you're afraid to be alone.
You know, I was willing to wait for you
if I was your choice,
not your backup.
[sighs]
That's fair.
Today's a fluffin' shitty day.
- You're telling me.
- [Emma grunts] Yeah.
[tense music playing]
Baby's in the bathwater.
Chucky's in the cheese.
We narrowed down
where Boro and the suitcase are
to two areas of the subbasement.
One south, one east.
We should split up.
If you see Boro, you're gonna
have to actually shoot him this time.
What's that supposed to mean?
You could've killed him in Guyana
when we had helicopter cover.
He was in your crosshairs,
but you hesitated.
I was lining up my shot.
Thought you had the highest
marksmanship score in your class.
What class was that, Intro to Jazz?
Aldon's bleeding out.
We can argue about that later.
Fine, just do your job.
[dramatic music playing]
Hey, buddy.
I just wanted to say
we're still best friends, all right?
I'm really sorry for being a jerk
and for hitting you in the sack
when I found out you kissed Emma.
- [groans]
- It's not your fault.
She lured you in with her siren song
and her cute little caboose.
I gotta admit,
I got hypnotized by it once or twice.
[coughing]
You okay?
[coughing]
Oh shit.
Mayday. Mayday.
Barry, Aldon's struggling to breathe here.
Just hold on. We'll get help.
[uptempo instrumental music playing]
- [Dr. Pfeffer] How long ago was he shot?
- Forty minutes. Comm.
Aldon, what's the good word?
I think I'm having trouble
trying to stay awake, doc.
- No, no, no.
- Okay, Roo, I'm FaceTiming you.
- [Pfeffer] Show me the wound.
- [groans] Oh.
- [Roo] Which way do I point this thing?
- [Pfeffer] That's your face, sweetheart.
- [Aldon coughing]
- She's a little stoned.
Fantastic.
Okay, Roo, hold the camera still,
but turn it around.
- [Roo] Here we go.
- ]Pfeffer] Okay, that's good.
Discoloration of the neck,
substantial edema,
textbook tracheal deviation,
and subcutaneous emphysema.
Which means?
Means Roo's gonna
have to get her hands dirty.
Roo
Aldon's got a severely collapsed lung.
You're gonna have to inflate it,
or he'll go into cardiac arrest.
Okay, Dr. P.
All right, don't worry, buddy.
I'm scrubbing in.
[suspenseful music playing]
[man grunts]
[grunts]
[door opens]
[Boro] No, I already told you.
I'm not delaying the auction, Volek.
No, that's not acceptable.
Our deal was clear.
I'll cancel the damn thing when you
deliver Finn Hoss and Danielle DeRosa.
Anything less,
the auction goes on as planned.
You looking for Finn Hoss?
He's right behind you.
Hello, Finn.
I don't want to kill you, Bengal,
so just turn around and raise your hands.
[Luke grunts]
[tense music playing]
[both grunting]
I found everything you said, doc.
I just couldn't find any water.
We need it to create the vacuum.
Well, sorry I don't just carry
a pint of liquid on me.
No, but you do carry it in you.
Nope. No. Mm-mm.
- [Roo] No way.
- Pee in the jar, Roo.
I am not that high anymore.
[panting] Pee in the jar, or I die.
[sighs] Goddamn it!
[groans]
Oh man.
Just for the record, I may come up dry.
You know I have issues peeing in public.
[exhales]
[clicks tongue] Nothing's happening.
Shy bladder is
a common psychological condition.
Studies show
if you focus on something else,
you'll be able to urinate.
Singing works well.
I don't sing.
Nothing's coming out, doc.
Tattletale, you shut your mouth.
Let the music flow, Roo,
and the urine will follow.
[exhales]
Remember that drive
you and I took out to Mohonk?
The Gordon Lightfoot CD
that was left in the rental?
If you could read my mind, love ♪
What a tale my thoughts could tell ♪
Just like an old time movie ♪
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well ♪
In a castle dark, or a fortress strong ♪
With chains upon my feet ♪
You know that ghost is me ♪
And I will never be set free ♪
As long as I'm a ghost you can't see ♪
[urinating]
There you go, pal.
- [Roo exhales, laughs]
- Liquid gold.
[suspenseful music playing]
[tense music playing]
[Emma] Hey!
Eyes on Boro, east wing!
[both grunting]
Hm. The minute I met you,
I knew I'd kill you.
The minute I met you,
I knew you were a dick.
[both grunt]
[suspenseful music playing]
[metal clanging]
[Boro grunts]
[both grunting]
[both grunt]
Et tu, Dani?
[both grunting]
Where are the nukes?
You can look for them in hell.
[grunts]
Shit.
[both grunting]
[grunts, groans]
[Roo grunts]
[uptempo percussion music playing]
[Luke coughs]
Emma?
Emma, do you copy?
Luke? Thank God.
[Barry] We lost contact there.
- Was that an explosion?
- Multiple.
But I can't get in touch with Emma.
[Luke] Emma said she had eyes on Boro
in the east wing,
but the whole place has totally collapsed.
[grunting]
Emma may be trapped.
[Luke panting]
Barry, there's fire everywhere.
Sir, I've accessed the State Nuclear
Regulatory Inspectorate of Sardovia.
They have a geothermal reader
that they placed underground
to alert if the radiation
ever breaches the basement.
- It is really heating up.
- And?
And Boro's suitcase nuke uses
black powder as the explosive trigger.
If that nuke is anywhere near fire
The heat will set off the blasting caps.
And the suitcase nuke detonates.
Killing all of you.
Hello?
Anyone? [coughs]
Team, do you copy? [grunts]
Team, do you copy?
[sinister music playing]
Shit.
[breathing heavily]
Hello?
Can anyone hear me?
Loud and clear.
Looks like it's just you and me.
[closing theme playing]
[closing theme ends]