Gilmore Girls s01e07 Episode Script

- One of us has got to do laundry tonight.
- Why? Because I haven't had any clean underwear for three days.
So right now under your skirt you're wearing - Not underwear.
- Mom! It's kind of nice actually.
Breezy.
My role model, ladies and gentlemen.
How come you haven't run out yet? I don't know.
I guess I have more underwear than you.
That's not true.
You have less.
- Have you been doing laundry without me? - No.
- Rory? - Okay, one load.
You didn't even ask if I had stuff to throw in? It was a big load.
There wasn't any room.
I'm crushed and bleeding.
Get me a tourniquet.
No.
They're dirty'cause Rory won't wash them with her stuff.
Sorry.
I'll do another load tonight, I promise.
Never mind.
I'll do my own laundry.
- Fine, even better.
- I hate doing laundry.
Maybe I'll just buy new underwear.
And flutter, flutter.
And leaves.
Where are my leaves? I got pumpkins, I got Pilgrims.
I got no leaves.
Every other store in town has fall decorations.
Hurrah for the mob mentality.
We're talking a few streamers and a paper turkey.
How is it gonna hurt to have a paper turkey? No turkeys, no squash, no pumpkins.
Nothing colored orange.
Okay.
So you don't like orange.
That's fine.
Autumn has many varied hues to toy with.
Excuse me, could we get some coffee? - And a muffin? - Warmed? This is the Autumn Festival.
Your shop is right across the street from the horn of plenty.
You're in the middle of everything.
You have to decorate.
All I have to do is serve food.
- And coffee! - And muffins.
Taylor, I'm tired of having this conversation with you every year.
You have lived in Stars Hollow for a long time, young man.
It's time you became one of us.
Sorry, I guess my pod's defective.
My mom's not wearing any underwear.
- Well, you aren't.
- You're being selfish, Luke.
Still they don't notice.
I can't take it anymore.
We're talking about the spirit of fall.
- What muffin do you want? - Blueberry.
You know where you can stick the spirit of fall? Here, don't use your hands.
I don't think you're taking me seriously.
What gave you that idea? No tip? Yeah, here's a tip: Serve your customers.
Here's another: Don't sit on any cold benches.
If you pull those Pilgrims out of your pocket once more I'm just doing it for you.
I don't know.
It doesn't really look like the Mayflower.
We could put a sign on it or something.
I don't know.
So, you want to go back to the Plymouth Rock idea? We'll just live with it that way for a day.
Okay, sure.
- You know, you can get two for $3.
- Really? Excellent deal.
You just had a desperate need for some cornstarch? Yes, I have very important thickening needs, thank you.
- Nice apron.
- Nice uniform.
I sewed the buttons on with silver thread, so that sets me apart from the crowd.
- I should get home.
- Wait, you want a pop or something? A pop? Give me a break.
In Chicago they call it pop.
In Connecticut, we call it free soda.
And, yes, thank you.
All right, guess what's in each hand, you get the soda.
Okay, the whole concept of a free soda is that it's free.
You don't have to work for it.
- Sorry, you got to sing for your supper.
- Or your soda.
- Guess.
- Okay.
In this hand you have Thank you.
- What's wrong? - I got kissed.
And I shoplifted.
- Are you serious? Who kissed you? - Dean.
- The new kid? - Yes.
You got the new kid? Oh, my God.
It happened so fast.
I was just standing there.
- Where? - Doose's Market.
- He kissed you in the market? - On Aisle 3.
- By the ant spray? - Yes.
- That's a good aisle.
- What defines a good aisle? An aisle where you get kissed by the new kid is a good aisle.
Oh, my God, I can't breathe.
- Okay, sit down.
- No, I can't sit down.
I'm too Oh, my God, he kissed me.
- Who kissed you? - The Lord, Mama.
Okay, then.
So, tell me everything.
So, I go into the store, and he offers me a soda.
Then he puts two behind his back and asks me to pick one, and he kissed me.
I'm so jealous.
That's it, I've got to get some dumb, ugly friends.
- I have to go tell my mom.
- Call me later.
Okay.
- What's wrong? - I can't.
You can't leave? It's hymn night at the Kim house.
Make a run for it.
- My mom doesn't know about Dean.
- So tell her.
The last time the subject of boys came up, it got very ugly.
That was different.
She thought you wanted to quit school over a guy.
Yes, over Dean.
Okay, fine.
But she doesn't have to know it was him.
- She'll know.
- How? She'll know.
She's Lorelai.
What do I do? Maybe she'll be more open to the concept now that you're in school and doing well.
- Maybe.
- Try it.
Okay.
I got to go.
Was it great? It was perfect.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Yeah, can you hear that? No, it's higher.
It's like a high-pitched kind of a sound.
It started last week.
But was lower and only happened when we opened the door.
Now it's higher and on all the time.
So I think it's really growing in confidence.
Look, I've already told this to three other people.
So could you just please tell me what is wrong with this fridge? I'm not gonna make the noise again.
I'm not Jerry, I don't have a lot of pride but I do have enough that I do not want to make that noise again.
So could you tell me what is wrong with the fridge or connect me with someone who can? Thank you.
Hello, Rusty? Great.
Listen, my fridge is making this weird sound.
It's a high-pitched You know what, is Jerry still there? Okay, have him make the sound.
He knows it.
I'll wait.
I know.
It does sound bad.
Okay, here is the deal.
You will send someone out here tomorrow between 8:00 and 9:00.
Because I work and can't wait four hours for one of you guys to show up.
Great.
Goodbye.
- So, are they coming tomorrow? - Nope.
Monday, between 3:00 and 8:00.
- I'm completely useless.
- I'm sorry.
God, look at this place.
It's a sty.
Now I'm crabby.
I'm crabby and useless.
Stupid fridge! Stupid fridge guys.
I hate my life.
Hello.
God, quite an entrance.
Jeez, my heart.
Rory's not here.
No, I know.
I came to pick up that rocker that I bought a couple weeks ago.
- Six weeks ago.
- That's a couple times three.
That's six.
Math humor.
It's not big with many people.
Don't feel bad.
- This is not a storage facility.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
This is a furniture store.
Furniture comes in, people buy, then it goes out.
Except when Lorelai Gilmore buys.
Then furniture stays here for six weeks.
- How about I pay you extra? - I don't want you to pay extra.
I want you to pick up the thing you paid for in the first place.
Here.
- I remember it smaller.
- It's been six weeks.
Maybe it grew.
Right.
Once again, I'm really sorry.
I've been very busy.
Maybe you should be less busy.
Then you can remember to pick up chairs.
Right.
Absolutely.
Smell a rose, got it.
And then you could keep your daughter from running around kissing boys.
- What? - Lane is a young, impressionable girl.
She doesn't need to hear about your daughter's kissing.
Are the lids tight on the paint remover? Because you're sounding loopy to me.
Loopy? What's loopy? - Rory's not kissing anybody.
- Yes, she is.
She came in here and told Lane she kissed a boy in the grocery store.
The grocery store, where we buy our food.
This does not make any - She kissed the boy in the grocery store? - Yes.
The boy in the grocery store.
Kiss.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
She didn't tell me.
I have to go.
You left your chair! Okay, just one more time.
I have been telling you this story for an hour.
It doesn't get dirty.
I can't help it.
I'm obsessed.
I'm totally living vicariously through you.
Why? You got kissed last weekend.
Remember? You told me.
That guy your parents set you up with.
The one with the Lincoln Continental.
What's his name? - Patrick Cho.
- Okay.
Let's do a little compare and contrast here.
You get kissed on the mouth by a cute, cool, sexy guy you really like and I get kissed on the forehead by a Theology major in a Members Only jacket who truly believes rock music leads to hard drugs.
Fair enough.
You can live through me.
But remember that I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm aware of that.
That's why I've been diligently gathering information for us.
- What kind of information? - Let's see.
- Dean's from Chicago, which you know.
- I do.
He likes Nick Drake, Liz Phair, and The Sugarplastic.
- And he's deathly allergic to walnuts.
- Walnuts bad, got it.
- Now, he had a girlfriend in Chicago.
- A girlfriend? Her name's Beth.
They went out for a year, but split amicably before he left.
Now she's dating his cousin but he doesn't feel weird, 'cause he doesn't think they were in love.
- Beth.
- I wouldn't worry about it.
How'd you get all this information? Through his best friend, who, by the way, is really cool.
So once you get settled with Dean, could you ask him about Todd? Absolutely.
So, Beth? I hate the name Beth.
It's so Beth.
Todd also said that Dean hasn't been able to talk about anything but you for weeks.
Stop it.
You're giving me Patrick Cho flashbacks.
Luke, the food here is lovely.
But you know what would make it better? Let me guess.
Some Autumn Festival decorations? Food without ambience isn't really food, is it? More iced tea, Patty? No, thank you.
It's too depressing in here for tea.
You realize Taylor's a head case, right? Yes, but at least he's a festive one.
Just eat.
Coffee? Come on, are you mad at me, too? A man can't choose whether he wants a picture of a fat, stupid bird on his wall? That's the reason the Pilgrims came here in the first place.
I wasn't snubbing you.
I didn't hear you.
Now, I'm concerned about you.
Sorry, just feeling a little persecuted lately.
- Coffee? - Please.
- Are you okay? - I'm fine.
- You don't look fine.
- Thank you.
- I meant you look concerned.
- I'm preoccupied.
- You look concerned.
- I'm not.
Fine.
You just look it.
You know, some streamers would look great here.
- Okay, I'm done.
- Thank you.
Sorry.
Save your apologies for the Indians.
People are really in a giving mood today.
The horn of plenty is packed.
That's great.
Do you want some coffee? No, I'll just have a sip of yours.
I have to get right back.
Really? I thought we were having lunch today.
I can't.
We're one Pilgrim short.
I only have a couple minutes.
- You've been really busy lately.
- Yeah.
I guess it's that end-of-the-year rush.
I mean, we haven't even really talked in a couple of days.
What do you want to talk about? I don't know.
Anything.
Okay.
Did you read that article in the newspaper about the polar ice caps melting? Yeah.
Big deal.
- Fine, you pick the subject.
- Okay, great.
I was watching General Hospital the other day and they have a new Lucky.
The old Lucky went to play something with a real name.
So, the old Lucky had this girlfriend, Liz who thought that he died in a fire.
Then they bring on this new Lucky and you're like, "That's not the old Lucky" because the new Lucky has more hair gel issues.
Still, Liz was so upset about his supposed death that you could not wait to see them kiss, you know? When do you have time to watch General Hospital? Okay, let's get back to the point.
What do you think about the whole Liz-Lucky kissing thing? I think they're actors being paid to play a part so it's nice that they're living up to their obligations.
Can we finish this very meaningful conversation later? I promised Lane I'd get right back.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
I'm not going to say you look concerned.
I won't talk about how you'd look dressed like a guy from The Crucible.
Fair enough.
Oh, God! What are you doing? - I asked you first.
- I ran out of cream.
Yeah, me, too.
- What are you staring at? - Nothing.
Don't look.
- What's wrong with you? - Rory got kissed.
What? Rory had her first kiss.
And that guy did it.
- The new kid.
- Yep.
- Look at him.
Look how smug he is.
- He's bagging groceries.
- It's hard to be smug bagging groceries.
- Look how he handled those lemons.
- What're you saying? - He threw them in the bag.
Not tossed them or placed them, but threw like they meant nothing.
- They're lemons.
- They're symbolic.
- We need to get you out of here.
- No.
That Lothario there has wormed his way into my daughter's heart and mouth - and for that he must die.
- That's it.
Let's go.
- You're not gonna kill the bag boy.
- Why not? It's double-coupon day.
You'll bring down the town.
Okay, I'm out.
Stop pushing me.
- What are you thinking spying like that? - I don't know.
I wanted to see him.
I've seen him already but before he was - Rory's boyfriend? - Shush, you.
- She's growing up.
- I know.
There's nothing you can do about it.
Okay, Mr.
Reality, break into somebody else's house.
Sorry.
- Why didn't she tell me? - What? Why didn't Rory tell me about the kiss? Maybe she didn't know you'd take it so well.
You want to hear something crazy? 'Cause all the talk up until now has been so normal? - He kind of looks like Christopher.
- The grocery kid? Yeah.
He looks like Christopher.
And Christopher is Rory's dad? The hair, the build, something about the eyes.
- He reminds me of Christopher.
- That's not too surprising.
You're gonna quote Freud? 'Cause I'll push you in front of a car.
- This talk was going so well.
- You and Rory are a lot alike.
It's not surprising you have similar tastes in men.
I guess.
But why? Why didn't she tell me? We tell each other everything.
- This is different.
- But we tell each other everything else.
But this she keeps a secret.
It's 'cause it's a guy thing.
- Probably.
- That's not good.
I have to make her understand I'm okay with the guy thing 'cause not talking about guys and our personal lives that's me and my mom.
That is not me and Rory.
- Are you okay with the guy thing? - Yes.
- Really? - Okay-ish.
- That's not okay.
- That's okay with an "ish.
" Whatever you say.
She thinks I'll disapprove, right? Well, I won't.
I will show her that I think this is great.
Once she sees that I think this is great everything will be back to normal between us, right? Right, okay, good.
So you passed the need for an actual person to talk to minutes ago.
- Yeah, before the gelato stand.
- You're an amazing woman.
Thank you for noticing.
Sorry I'm late.
- No big deal.
There's Chinese in the fridge.
- Okay.
So, kissed any good boys lately? - Who? - Mrs.
Kim.
Of course.
- So, he's cute.
- Yeah, he is.
- Can he spell? - He can spell and read.
- How long have you known? - Since this morning.
You didn't think you could keep it a secret.
- You were making out in the market.
- We weren't making out.
It was just one kiss.
Yeah, by the time that gets to Miss Patty's it's a scene from Nine 1/2 Weeks.
You've known all this time? At Luke's? Here? Yeah.
You could have said something.
Now, funny.
I was going to say the same thing to you.
- What now? - Now? Nothing.
No? No lecture about kissing a boy? - No.
Why, did you do it wrong? - No.
I don't think.
I didn't love the way I found out but you're getting older.
These things are bound to happen occasionally.
- Actually, I think it's great.
- No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
I'm thrilled.
- Thrilled? - Yeah.
You're completely weirded out by this, aren't you? No, you're crazy.
I'm perfectly fine with it.
You don't seem fine.
You seem the complete opposite of fine.
You're projecting that on me'cause you don't want to think that I'm fine when I am fine.
Okay.
Never been finer.
Got it.
- You want some? - No, thanks.
I'm fine.
We must be quick 'cause the video store's gonna close.
So stick to our list.
No impulse buying like toothpaste or soap.
- Rory? - You know what? I think we have enough stuff to eat at home.
Really? Where do you live? 'Cause the home I left had nothing.
- We're ordering pizza.
That's enough.
- Are you crazy? You can't watch Willy Wonka without heaps of junk food.
It's not right.
I won't allow it.
We're going in.
- Rory, it's fine.
- It's too weird.
- I'm gonna have to meet him eventually.
- Okay, how about next year? I'm going to be so cool in there, you will mistake me for Shaft.
- There will be no interrogation.
- I swear.
No kissing noises.
No stories from my childhood.
No referring to Chicago as ChiTown.
No James Dean jokes.
No father-with-a-shotgun stares.
- No Nancy Walker impressions.
- Come on.
- Promise me.
- I really and truly promise.
Now can we please go to the market? Okay, let's go.
I don't see him.
All right, maybe he's on a break.
Yeah, maybe he's on a break.
- Okay, good.
So we can shop.
- Yep.
Do we want marshmallows? And jellybeans.
And chocolate Kisses.
Cookie dough we have at home, peanut butter Do they have that thing with a sugar stick on one side but you dip it in sugar on the other side and eat it? We are gonna be so sick.
It's amazing that we still function.
There he is.
Boy, he's tall.
That must have been some back-bender, that kiss.
Make sure you warm up next time.
- Okay, we are leaving now.
- Sorry.
Done now.
He's got great eyes.
You got to love a guy with great eyes.
- And a nice smile.
- Very nice.
- Think we can get him to turn around? - It's nice, too.
- Really? - Trust me.
You girls having another movie night? Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.
- Isn't that the one with Gene Hackman? - Gene Wilder.
- You're a Wonka fan? - Yeah.
Dean, this is my mom, Lorelai.
And, Mom, this is Dean.
- Nice to meet you, Dean.
- Yeah, you, too.
- Nice apron.
- Thanks.
- $41.
83.
- Wow.
It's expensive to slowly rot your insides, isn't it? Here you go.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
So, Dean, nice meeting you.
Hope to see you again.
- See, that wasn't so bad.
- You're right.
I said nothing embarrassing, nothing stupid.
- I appreciate that.
- So chill out, supermarket slut.
See, even a little information in your hands is dangerous.
- I need coffee.
- The video store closes in 10 minutes.
You run to the video store, and I'll go get coffee.
Go.
I'll meet you at Luke's.
You forgot your Red Vines.
Wow! You totally saved the night! - Thanks.
- Sure.
- What are you doing tonight? - Me? Well, I don't know.
Do you want to come over? We're ordering pizza, we got a movie.
Neighborhood's got a pool to see who falls into a sugar coma first.
I'm the favorite.
It might be fun.
It's totally casual.
I'm sure Rory would love it.
Okay, sure.
What time? - 7:00 sound good? - Sounds fine.
- Let me give you our address.
- That's okay.
I know where you live.
Right.
Of course you do.
So see you tonight.
Bye.
- So? - Got it.
Score! I'm glad it was in, but what kind of world do we live in where no one has rented Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory? - Well, we rented it.
- Thank God for us.
I invited your friend over to watch it with us.
- What friend? - Dean.
What? I told him what we were doing tonight, and he was totally into it.
So Why are you looking at me like that? - You invited Dean to our house? - Yes.
- Are you crazy? - Why are you mad? We haven't even been out on a date by ourselves yet.
My first date with Dean is gonna be with my mother? What is wrong with you? I'm sorry.
I thought you would be happy about this.
In what universe would I be happy? This isn't Amish country.
Girls and boys usually date alone.
I thought of it more as a hanging out kind of session.
I don't want our first hanging out session to be with my mother.
- Stop saying mother like that.
- Like what? Like there's supposed to be another word after it.
I can't believe you did this.
I'm so humiliated.
You're totally overreacting.
I invited him to a movie and pizza, not to Niagara Falls.
He's the boy that I like.
I know.
I looked for one that you hated.
But it was really short notice.
Now he's forced to come over, sit with me and my mother and eat crap and watch a movie? I just invited a friend of yours to hang out.
What's the big deal? What if Lane had done it? You're not Lane.
You're my mother.
You inviting him over is like Grandma inviting a guy you liked over.
- You're comparing me to my mother? - No.
I just I'm Emily Gilmore now? My, how the mighty have fallen.
I didn't mean that.
- I wasn't trying to humiliate you.
- I know.
If I was Emily Gilmore, I'd be trying to humiliate you.
- I just - Look, I'm sorry, okay? I screwed up.
I was trying to Look, I'll go.
I'll uninvite him.
I'll tell him it's canceled because I just found out that I'm my mother.
- And I have to go into intensive therapy.
- No, you can't uninvite him.
He'll think I wigged out.
Then I'll just disappear, and you guys can be alone.
And have it look like my mom arranged a date for me? No! What do we do? He has to come.
It won't be so bad, okay? Just pizza, and a movie, and hanging out.
I promise you won't feel like your mother is there.
Okay.
You might, however, feel like my mother is there.
This is good.
Add some cold cream, and some curlers and let him know what he'll be coming home to every night.
This was supposed to be a simple night.
Watch movie, eat junk, go to bed feeling sick.
End of story.
Now I'm supposed to look pretty and girly, which is completely impossible because I'm gross, and I have nothing to wear.
- Do you want some help? - No.
- Yes.
- Okay.
Let's see.
This and All right, well This says, "Hello, I'm hip and cute, but also relaxed.
" "Since this is something I just threw on, even though it looks fantastic on me.
" - How did you do that? - What? I've been staring at that top for 20 minutes.
It was just a top.
You walk in, and in three seconds it's an outfit.
It comes from years of experiencing fashion brain freeze like the one you had.
- How do you do it? - What? This whole guy thing? I've watched you when you talk to a man.
You have a comeback for everything.
You make him laugh.
- You smile right.
- I smile right? - Then you do the hair flip.
- Oh, twirl.
It's a hair twirl.
Then you walk away.
And he just stands there, amazed like he can't believe what happened.
- That's because I just stole his wallet.
- I'll never be able to do that.
Trig, I can do.
But boys and dating, forget it.
I'm a total spaz.
Listen.
The talking part, you just get used to.
The hair twirl, I can teach you.
And the leaving-him-amazed part with your brain and killer blue eyes, I'm not worried.
You'll do fine.
Just give yourself a little time to get there.
- Is half an hour enough? - Plenty.
Come on.
Dab on some lip gloss, clear but fruity.
Maybe a little mascara.
Wear your hair down, and your attitude high.
You're like a crazy Elsa Klensch.
Oh, thank you.
Come on, now, hustle.
We got a man coming over.
- What time did you tell him to get here? - 7:00.
Maybe something happened.
Maybe he's not coming.
Maybe he's just late, Miss German Train.
What? is one of my favorite towns.
There used to be a club there - What was it called, baby? - Mister Kelly's.
Yeah, Mister Kelly's.
You ever go there? - They've got Dean.
- Wait here.
- So, Dean, you like jazz? - He sure does.
It's all we ever hear about, right? Jazz.
Hey, sugar.
We were just getting to know your young man here.
Yeah, I see that.
Dean, would you mind going inside and helping Rory out? There's a struggle with a jar lid that I think she's about to lose.
- Sure, yeah.
- It was nice talking to you, Dean.
Yeah, you, too.
- Stay cool, kid.
- I will.
- Oh, is he cute! - Yeah.
And that Chuck Heston chin of his! - Is he Rory's boyfriend? - No, they're just friends.
That's not what I heard.
Kissing at the market gives a whole new meaning to Tasting Day.
Okay.
I got to get back inside and shower.
I'll talk to you guys later.
Have a good evening.
And don't forget to invite us to the wedding.
Oh, won't their kids be gorgeous! Oh, God, I hope not.
I'm sorry I'm late.
- I got here, like, a half hour ago.
- We believe you.
We'd believe you if you said you got here three hours ago.
So, Dean, how do you like it here in Stars Hollow? I like it.
It's quiet, but nice.
- I like all the trees everywhere.
- Yeah, the trees here are something.
When Rory was little, she found out that one was called a weeping willow.
And so she spent hours trying to cheer it up.
You know, like telling it jokes and No, I'm sorry.
That was me.
- Would you like a tour of the house? - Okay.
So, this is the living room, where we do our living.
Upstairs is my room and the good bathroom.
The kitchen is right through here.
You ever heard a fridge yodel before? - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Well, you have your basics.
Microwave for popcorn, stove for storing shoes refrigerator, which is completely worthless.
Interesting.
I'll get that.
Rory, you take over as tour guide.
Make sure and show him the emergency exits.
- That's my mom.
- She's got energy.
Yeah, well, she's 90% water, 10% caffeine.
- So, what's in there? - That's my room.
Really? Can I see it? Wow! Very clean.
It sucks that they use Pink Moon in a Volkswagen commercial.
Oh, I know.
- So, are you gonna come in? - Oh, no, I've seen it.
You look like you're glued to the door there.
No, I'm just observing my room from a new perspective.
I hardly ever stand here.
It's really making me re-think my throw pillows.
- Would you like me to get out of here? - No, I'm fine with you looking around.
- Nice chicken.
- Or, you know, at least I was.
- We do not need dessert, Sookie.
- Everybody needs dessert.
- So, where is Rory? - With Dean.
Oh, that's right.
Dean is here.
Yeah, right.
You need to go now.
- Please.
I just want one little peek.
- No.
Okay, fine.
So, how are you? How are you doing? - Sookie.
- I'm concerned.
- You're stalling.
- Am I? - Hey, Lorelai.
- Hey, Joe.
What do I owe you? - $15 even.
- Okay.
- How you doing? - Awesome.
What did you get on your pizza? Did you ask for extra sauce? I always ask for extra sauce Sookie, she's already freaked out that I invited him here.
If she thinks I'm parading him in front of my friends, she'll kill me.
- But, I just - Death, bloody and slow, okay? - Mom, is that the pizza? - Yeah.
- Okay, bye.
Now go.
- I just wanted No.
Bye.
See you.
- So, are you hungry? - Starving.
- Where's the pizza? - The pizza's Just bringing in the pizza.
Hi, I'm Sookie.
I'm a friend of LorelaI's.
Nice to meet you, Dean.
Not that I knew you were Dean.
But you look like a Dean.
Doesn't he look like a Dean? Yeah, of all the people in this room, he looks most like a Dean.
Bye, Sookie.
Have fun.
Okay.
Here, I'll take that.
Oh, thanks.
Great.
The coffee table's fine.
I did not invite her.
Why don't you set up a camera, broadcast it over the Internet? Because I don't think that big.
Thank God there's good pizza here.
Yeah.
We didn't know what kind you liked, so we just got everything.
Everything is fine.
Good.
Well, while it's hot.
Now, remember, no messing about.
No touching, no tasting - Who needs more? - I do.
- Wow, you can eat.
- Yes, I can.
That's bad, isn't it? No.
Most girls don't eat.
It's good you eat.
I'm all for it.
Let's talk about something besides my eating habits.
Oompa Loompas! My mom has a thing for the Oompa Loompas.
I don't think finding them amusing constitutes a thing.
No, but having a recurring dream about marrying one does.
Don't get me started on your Prince Charming crush, okay? At least my obsessions are live.
You have a thing for a cartoon.
- Prince Charming, huh? - It was a long time ago.
Not the Cinderella one, the Sleeping Beauty one.
- 'Cause he could dance.
- Yeah.
I've got sisters.
So, come on, Dean, tell us some of your embarrassing secrets.
Well, I have no embarrassing secrets.
Oh, please.
- I bet I know one.
- What? The theme from Ice Castles makes you cry.
- That's a good one.
- That's not true.
I've got one.
At the end of The Way We Were, you wanted Robert Redford to dump his wife and kid for Barbra Streisand.
- I've never seen The Way We Were.
- Are you kidding? What are you waiting for? Heartache, laughter - Communism.
- All in one neat package.
I'll have to experience that sometime.
- Next movie night.
- It's a plan.
- I'm gonna get the popcorn.
- Bring the spray cheese.
When does the outsider get to suggest a movie for movie night? It depends.
What movie are you thinking of? I don't know, Boogie Nights, maybe.
- You'll never get it past Lorelai.
- Not a Marky Mark fan? She had a bad reaction to Magnolia.
She sat there screaming for three hours, "I want my life back!" Then we got kicked out of the theater.
It was actually an entertaining day.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I guess I'll have to come up with a different movie then.
I guess you will.
Are they chocolate eggs? That Oompa Loompa right there.
You know when he's dancing these are the geese that lay the golden eggs.
As you can see, they're larger than ordinary geese.
As a matter of fact, they're quadruple-sized geese which produce octuple-sized eggs Thank you.
But Easter's over! They don't know that.
- Hey, Daddy, I want a golden goose.
- Here we go again.
All right, sweetheart.
Daddy'll get you a golden goose - as soon as we get home.
- No, I want one of those! Wonka, how much do you want for the golden goose? They're not for sale I'll be right back.
I want one Mom.
- What? - What are you doing in here? Trying to find a bathing suit for my bust size.
Get back in there.
Why? What happened? Did the bag boy try something? He's sitting there, he's watching the movie, he's perfect - and he smells really good.
- What? He smells really good, and he looks amazing and I am stupid! I said, "Thank you.
" - You said "thank you"? - When he kissed me.
He kissed you again? What, is he just out of prison or something? No, not now.
Yesterday, at the store.
All right.
Strike the prison comment.
- He kissed you and you said "thank you"? - Yes.
That was very polite.
No, it was stupid.
And I don't know what I'm doing.
What kind of chaperon are you, sitting in the kitchen? I'm not trying to be a chaperon.
I'm a girlfriend.
Well, switch gears 'cause I'm freaking out here! You really like him, don't you? - Yeah.
- Okay, then.
Just calm down.
I don't want to do or say anything else that's gonna be remotely moronic.
I'm afraid once your heart is involved it all comes out in moron.
- Just please come back in.
- Okay.
Let's go, then.
We can't go back in together.
That would be too obvious.
Right.
Okay, I'll go in first, and you go to the bathroom.
Okay, good.
Tell him I had to wash my face.
- Yes.
'Cause of all the sugar you ate.
- Yes, very good.
Hi.
I'm back.
- Rory went to wash her face.
- Oh, okay.
swifter than eagles, stronger than lions Hey, Grandpa, what was that we just went through? I don't know exactly how to say this but this is a very different kind of household you walked into tonight.
Yeah, I know.
See, Rory is my daughter.
- Here comes the talk.
- How about I talk, you listen? Rory is a smart kid.
She's never been much for guys.
The fact that she likes you means a lot.
I don't believe she'd waste her time with some loser.
But you're watching me.
Sweetheart, the whole town is watching you.
That girl in there is beloved around here.
You hurt her, there's not a safe place within a hundred miles for you to hide.
This is a very small, weird place you moved to.
I've noticed.
So, just know all eyes are on you.
Anything else? - She's not going on your motorcycle.
- I don't have a motorcycle.
- She's not going on your motorcycle.
- Fine.
She won't go on my motorcycle.
Curfew will be enforced.
You will not detract from her schoolwork.
You'll start handling those lemons better.
- What? - Don't interrupt me when I'm speaking.
I reserve the right to change, alter, tweak, or add to the list of rules at any time without any written notice.
Am I clear? You're clear.
- Good.
- My turn to speak? Fine.
Go ahead.
You can lay on all the rules you want.
You can have the whole town spy on me and stare at me, and chase me through the streets.
I like the "chase you through the streets" idea.
I just want you to know that I'm not going anywhere.
- It's gonna be a short chase then, isn't it? - I need you not to hate me.
If you hate me, then I don't have a shot in hell with Rory.
- Rory has her own mind.
- But you're her best friend.
What you think means everything to her, and you know that.
I want to like you, 'cause Rory likes you.
- But you don't.
- I want to.
And I usually get what I want.
Fair enough.
She's taking a long time on her face.
Yeah, well, Rory is a perfectionist.
Let's do it again, Mr.
Wonka.
Tell your mom thanks for inviting me.
I'm sorry if this was totally weird.
- With my mom inviting you over - No.
It was good, really.
- Really? - Yeah.
Thank you.
So, that went well.
Yeah, not bad.
Did I humiliate you? I don't know.
What did you say to him when I went to the bathroom? That you're pretty.
- Liar.
- Yeah, well - I'm gonna go to bed.
- Okay.
- Mom, what's the matter? - Nothing.
Yes, there is.
Come on.
Tell me.
Nothing.
I really wanted you to tell me about that kiss.
I'm so sorry.
I really wanted to, I swear.
- I just got scared and - I know.
I'm not mad.
I just wanted to hear about it.
That's all.
It's no big deal.
It's okay.
I'm fine.
It's one too many Caramello bars.
I'm sorry.
You have school, I have work.
So time for bed.
- Okay.
Good night.
- Okay.
Good night, hon.
Mom? I know this is lame and totally after the fact, but Start at the beginning.
And you leave anything out, you die.
- Where were you? - I was in the aisle where the ant spray is.
- That's a good aisle.
- That's what Lane said, too.
But, anyway, so he was working, and I go into the store and I just kind of walked around pretending to shop for food or whatever