Girlboss (2017) s01e07 Episode Script
Long-Ass Pants
1 [Katy Tiz's "Whistle (While You Work It)" playing.]
[vocalizes.]
My day one rule Is keeping my cool Even if I'm broken up If you blow my high You won't see me cry Gotta whistle while you work it That's why you gotta Never let them see you down Whoa! Watch it! I'm doing business over here.
Gotta smile while you're hurting And whistle while you work it That's right.
I want all of it.
Sorry about your theater.
We did a lot of good work here.
Important work.
[cell phone chimes.]
I think I'm gonna take that advertising job in Seattle.
- [Kyle.]
You can't.
- Oh, fuck you, Kyle! And fuck commedia dell'arte.
[woman.]
OMG, my sleeveless dress just got here, and it's purrfect.
Thank you, Nasty Gal.
Pushin' me Got lost in my head Then my brother said Take a breath Don't you worry, child 'Cause you know where you're from So, keep moving on Oh.
New donations in the back.
As per our agreement, you have exactly ten minutes to be the first to go through all of this.
Oh, and keep an eye out.
Rebecca lost her retainer.
My palate is collapsing.
You won't see me cry Gotta whistle while you work it That's why you gotta Never let them see you down See you down Whoa, ooh whoa, yeah Gotta smile while you're hurting Whoo! And whistle while you work it [Annie.]
OMG! You're famous! Check Daily Candy! And whistle while you work it Hmm-hmm If you blow my high You won't see me cry Yes! Ah! Ooh.
Oh, oh! Sophia! That is me.
I am Sophia.
They're in "lurve" with me! [exhales.]
Gotta smile while you're hurting And whistle while you work it What? FashionBug20 called me a snout-nose bitch.
Oh, no, you printed out Internet comments? You're never gonna be happy again.
I'm pretty sure it was a typo, and she meant snot-nosed bitch, but [Sophia sighs.]
Okay.
Look what BethLovesYarn has to say.
"This chick sells clothes from the '80s and then has the nerve to pass them off as vintage.
Even Hitler wouldn't do that.
" Wow.
Strong take, BethLovesYarn.
You know, shit from the '80s is vintage to my customers.
And I think Hitler would do what I do in a second.
Yeah, okay.
That argument needs to never leave this space, hmm? Got it.
I get a little attention for smoking all the chumps, then I get attacked for it? Sophia, these attacks are good.
They mean you're doing something right.
- They mean you're relevant.
- No, but some of these are flat-out lies.
Like this Frederick dude who says, "She might be having a moment but will never match the eBay success of a true vintage seller like Remembrances.
" Um, Frederick can have a moment eating my dick.
[Sophia grunts.]
- Feel better? - Mm-hm.
Did it help to eat a bunch of paper? Here you go.
Put it in there.
Oh.
- Missed it.
- Yeah.
Remembrances.
You know, I outsell that podunk store all day every day.
Oh, can you just save my Sims? [Sophia.]
Okay, look at this.
The middle of the summer, who's gonna buy these long-ass pants with the thick fabric on the bottom? I ain't got no time for bad pants.
Ooh.
Sophia's got her thinking face on.
What's she gonna do? What's her next move? I'm gonna buy these long-ass pants.
[tapping on door.]
Oop.
[tapping on door.]
[knocking on door.]
Hmm.
Can I help you? [softly.]
Are you I'm sorry.
[clears throat.]
I haven't talked out loud today.
Are you Sophia? That depends.
Are you a murderer? I am not a murderer.
I'm Gail.
Gail.
I own Remembrances.
You bought a pair of pants from me.
Yes.
Remembrances.
How weird.
I've been talking about you.
I'd like to speak with you about the pants.
To see if I got them? Gail, your customer service is astounding but fiscally irresponsible.
The thing is, I've already flipped those shorts for quite a profit.
Oh, I know.
I bought them.
[mimics explosion.]
[pops.]
Oh, yeah.
Come on in.
Let's keep this thing going.
Hmm.
So, this is where it happens.
Where you cut and desecrate beautiful vintage clothing.
[Sophia.]
Yup, this is it.
Hey, you want some bow-tie pasta? I like mine with butter.
That's what a child eats.
Still delicious, Gail.
Ooh.
Hello, you.
I am a person who believes things should be handled face-to-face.
Hmm, that's an interesting belief for an online retailer.
I don't know if you are familiar with the Vintage Fashion Forum? - No.
- No.
Well, we pride ourselves on preserving and protecting vintage clothes.
[sighs.]
And we feel that what you did violates our personal code of ethics.
Okay, what's the fine? Am I gonna have to, like, polish up some old-timey telescope? You went too far.
You should never have cut those pants.
I wouldn't do it if it was one of a kind.
You know, I wouldn't cut couture.
It's cold comfort, Sophia.
If you wanted an altered version, you should've found a comparable fabric and used it as a pattern.
And then, if you're like me, you should have wrapped the original garment in acid-free paper, put it in a box, and saved it for future generations to enjoy.
- No one would do that.
- I do.
You shouldn't.
[sighs.]
I just sat on a bus for nine hours, all the way from Reno, to ask you to do better.
And if you wanna avoid making the forum angry, you will.
Is it possible that you are just pissed that I sold those shorts for three times what you got for them? Mm-mm.
No.
It's not about business.
You are erasing history.
It's definitely about business.
All right, we will have to agree to disagree.
No, I don't agree.
You don't agree that we have to agree to disagree? I only agree to disagree.
I am straight-up disagreeable.
Good luck to you.
Sharon was right about you.
You are a snot-nosed bitch.
Knew it was a typo.
You're just not old enough to understand.
I feel sorry for you.
[door closes.]
No.
[yelling.]
Yo, Gail! Oh.
I thought you'd be halfway down the hall by now.
- I had to tie my shoe.
- You cannot come here and just shit on my business.
You don't know anything about me.
All you know is what I eat for dinner six nights a week.
Look, I've always found the best way to understand someone is to hear their story.
So maybe you'd like to tell me yours.
Why don't I show you instead? Um Yeah.
[Gail.]
Um Oh.
[rock music playing.]
Wow.
People are really expressing themselves in here.
Yeah.
The floor is very sticky.
It's very, very sticky.
See this girl over here in the lace romper? In about 30 seconds, that zero she's with is going to rank his favorite Monty Python movies, completely drying up her vagina.
She is a customer.
Oh, all right.
Over here.
Patent-leather platform boots.
Looks like she just moved here from Upstate New York.
Her name is probably Vanessa.
In about six months, she'll move back, because she is in way over her head.
Nessa is a customer.
Okay.
This Janet Jackson-looking girl, wearing a kimono on a Tuesday night like it's no big deal, she's cool as fuck.
And you can bet your ass Kimono's a customer.
Boy.
[chuckles.]
You love to cuss.
The point is, I alter clothes because I know what my customer wants.
Now, you may be trying to preserve old memories or whatever, that's fine, but I'm helping women create new ones.
That's Nasty Gal.
So the Janet Jackson girl in the kimono, technically, she would be Miss Jackson if you're Nasty Gal.
Was that a joke? Wow.
Gail made a joke.
- Yeah.
- Yes, well [chuckles.]
You know, I actually don't get out to bars that often.
Shocker.
Let's get you a drink.
A thousand pardons.
Excuse me.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, we touched skins.
Skin.
Excuse me, I'm so sorry.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
- I'm so sorry.
- [Sophia.]
Gail.
No one's around.
Yo, Dax! [Dax whistling.]
[Sophia.]
I know you can hear me.
Stop doing that passive-aggressive bartender thing where you pretend to not see someone shouting at you! Dax! Do not sass me tonight, Sophia.
It is too damn crowded in here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dax, this is Gail.
She comes from the Internet.
Gail, this is Dax, who's a big dumb boner-brain.
It's nice to meet you, and she's not my friend.
- She's not mine either.
- Oh.
I like the cut of your jib.
What can I get you? Shot of Patrón Silver.
- Damn! - Girl came to play.
Okay.
Make that two shots of Patty Sils.
Okay.
No one calls it that.
[hip-hop music playing.]
Oh.
Lady from the Internet goes hard.
I said I didn't get out to bars much.
I didn't say I don't drink alone at home.
You really are an enigma.
[mutters.]
Oh.
Oh, is it dance time? I didn't realize that it was dance time.
- Think it might be dance time.
- Yeah.
Okay.
[pop music playing.]
You sure that's not too much spinning there, Gail? No! Okey-dokey.
All right.
Not today, buddy.
Okay, I said, not today.
No, no, no.
All right.
Seriously.
- Okay, move it.
- [Gail.]
Hyah! She said, not today! [laughs.]
All of us in the forum are practically family even though we've never met.
I'm the matriarch, Betsy's the baby, and Frederick, he's the black sheep.
Not literally black.
Although, he may be black, which would be great! [Gail gasps.]
[in baby-talk voice.]
Who is this? Oh, what a puppy.
Oh, hi.
Oh, what a ruffer.
What is your name? Pancake.
Pancake.
Oh, you're the good ruffer.
You're the good pupper.
Pancake, what did you see today? Where have you been, Pancake? What do you eat? Tell me what you eat? Tell me who your friends are.
Are you going to see your friends right now? Oh.
[in normal voice.]
Bye, Pancake.
Bye.
Safe travels.
[Sophia chuckles.]
[Sophia.]
You like dogs, Gail? - Oh.
I wish I could have one.
- Why can't you? There'd be hair everywhere.
My garments have to come from a pet-and-smoke-free home.
Gail.
Get a dog.
Have a cigarette.
[Gail sighs.]
Oh, my goodness.
It's a 1940s debutante dream straight out of the window of Bonwit Teller.
How'd I miss that? Oh! What I wouldn't give to keep this dress in a box, wrapped up in paper for the rest of eternity.
It's so beautiful.
But by the time this place opens, I'll be on a bus back to Reno.
Probably stopped at a roadside Carl's Jr.
Oh, darn this life! You want that dress? I can get you that dress.
How? Mobias, this is an emergency.
You have exactly ten minutes to get your ass down here and open up the store.
Oh.
I don't wanna trouble anyone.
Why not? It's fun.
What the hell? I'm a night bird.
Let me fly.
- Do you live here? - Yes.
Just not very well.
Careful.
[gasps.]
Oh.
Look at you.
It's an honor to meet you.
I'm gonna call you Miss Fancy.
What's her deal? - She's from Reno.
- Oh, got it.
- Isn't it perfect? - I mean, I know what I'd do with it.
Nothing.
You would do nothing with it.
A dress like this has a story.
[Sophia.]
Oh.
It seems like you're about to tell it.
This once belonged to a young woman.
- Just try and picture her.
- Oh, dear.
Violet Rothschild bought this dress one spring afternoon while she was desperately missing her fiancé, Private Oswald Chandler of the 101st Airborne Division.
While Violet was admiring her dress in the mirror of her small room at a women's hotel on East 63rd Street, she had no idea that her beloved Oswald was dropping behind the beaches of Nazi-occupied France.
Every day that her fiancé was gone, Violet wondered: "Will I ever see my sweet Oswald again?" Of course she would.
Oswald returned home safely one year later.
And Violet greeted him at the airport with open arms, wearing the dress she bought Keep it and take it home with you - on that spring afternoon.
- [Sophia.]
Yeah.
And then it was all ka-bam, ka-bam, ka-bam all night long.
Ka-bam.
Well, they weren't married yet, Sophia.
They were only engaged.
- Oh.
So, probably just butt stuff, then? - Mm.
- Oh, no.
- Calm down.
There's been butt stuff going on since before there were clothes.
Well, I thought your story was an evocative tale of yesteryear.
Thank you.
For all we know, that could have belonged to some crazy lady who loved to set fires because it turned her on.
- Would you take 300 for it? - No.
I'll take two.
Deal.
Here are two crisp hundred-dollar bills.
I'm sorry, I have to do this.
You really don't.
- You have nice forearms.
- Hmm.
He does? [murmurs indistinctly.]
- Yes.
- Okay.
Mobias, where is it that you fall on the wide spectrum of sexuality and possibilities? Uh, not that it's any of your business, but typically, in the small chance that I do feel anything, I do enjoy the touch of a woman.
But if you're asking my preference, hmm, that would be self-pleasure with a bowl of room-temperature - Got it.
Glad I asked.
Saved you, Gail.
- Yes.
Um - That does change some things.
- [Mobias.]
Oh.
[Gail.]
This may surprise you, but I have over 600 episodes of The People's Court on tape.
That does not even surprise me a little bit.
[Sophia laughs.]
[cell phone chimes.]
Oh.
Someone special? Yeah.
Um This guy I'm seeing.
He's really nice.
Way nicer than I am.
I'm a pretty lucky girl.
Is this you getting personal? I thought you were all [in deep voice.]
totally business.
It's not about personal.
Hold my calls.
- What are you doing? - It's a business voice.
[Sophia laughing.]
[in normal voice.]
Well, I think you are very nice to let me stay here until the next bus leaves.
I could not have you wandering around the bus station late at night, talking to strangers about World War II.
I would've managed.
Uh-uh.
You're weird, but you're not bus-station-at-night weird.
I just mean, you have strong opinions about very specific things.
Oh, and you don't? You're kind of taking the vintage stuff to the next level.
Hmm Gail, shit, you don't even want people to wear the clothes.
Well sometimes clothes are all we have.
Huh? Well, my mom died when I was just a baby.
So I don't have any, um real memories of her.
So, the way I got to know her was through her closet 'cause my dad kept everything of hers, which was a really good thing.
I would just spend hours in there, just playing dress-up and I would see a skirt or a jacket, and I would ask my dad, you know, "Where did she get this? Can you remember the last time she wore it? Was it her favorite?" I was just full of questions, you know.
Usually, he couldn't remember which was hard for both of us.
So, I just started making up stories.
Sometimes I would share them and then, sometimes they were just for me.
I got pretty good at it.
My mom's clothes still smell like her.
I mean, I made sure to wrap them in acid-free paper and put them in a box.
Really works wonders.
Mm.
This is delicious, yo.
You know uh my mother wasn't around either.
She left when I was 12.
She took her clothes with her.
Where'd she go? As far away from my dad as possible.
[man on radio.]
Energy 92.
7 and we're on Wednesday-morning barf patrol! [man retching.]
[Sophia grunts.]
[Gail.]
Sophia, I'm glad we could finally agree to stop disagreeing.
Thanks for the new memories.
I want you to have this.
Gail.
PS, I've done butt stuff.
[laughs.]
Ew.
[in baby-talk voice.]
Oh.
Hello, dog.
You are dog, yes! You're very dog, aren't you? Uh-huh.
Yes.
I like you.
What a nice dog [in normal voice.]
Oh, no.
No.
Stay there.
Thank you.
Okay.
Good.
[sniffs.]
[cell phone chimes.]
[woman.]
Where are your homecoming dresses? Shopping early.
If I'm gonna be stuck in high school hell, I should look good, right? [ragtime music playing.]
Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wee-ooh Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo wee Doo wee Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wee-ooh Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo wee Doo wee Ooh, ooh Doo wee, doo wah Doo Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wah Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wee-ooh Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo wee Good morning, friends.
Good morning.
You can come in.
Good morning, friends.
Ooh Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wah Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wee-ooh Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo wee Doo wee You fucking bitch.
Mystical, magical musical madness Take it and make it a part of your day Musical themes of wishes and dreams Love songs anew just written for you Mystical, magical musical madness Filled with the sounds that wipe Sadness away We bring a happy message of love Keep it and take it home With you Mystical, magical musical madness Take it and make it a part of your day Musical themes of wishes and dreams Love songs anew just written for you Mystical, magical musical madness Take it and make it a part of your day Musical themes of wishes and dreams Love songs anew just written for you We bring a happy message of love Keep it and take it home With you
[vocalizes.]
My day one rule Is keeping my cool Even if I'm broken up If you blow my high You won't see me cry Gotta whistle while you work it That's why you gotta Never let them see you down Whoa! Watch it! I'm doing business over here.
Gotta smile while you're hurting And whistle while you work it That's right.
I want all of it.
Sorry about your theater.
We did a lot of good work here.
Important work.
[cell phone chimes.]
I think I'm gonna take that advertising job in Seattle.
- [Kyle.]
You can't.
- Oh, fuck you, Kyle! And fuck commedia dell'arte.
[woman.]
OMG, my sleeveless dress just got here, and it's purrfect.
Thank you, Nasty Gal.
Pushin' me Got lost in my head Then my brother said Take a breath Don't you worry, child 'Cause you know where you're from So, keep moving on Oh.
New donations in the back.
As per our agreement, you have exactly ten minutes to be the first to go through all of this.
Oh, and keep an eye out.
Rebecca lost her retainer.
My palate is collapsing.
You won't see me cry Gotta whistle while you work it That's why you gotta Never let them see you down See you down Whoa, ooh whoa, yeah Gotta smile while you're hurting Whoo! And whistle while you work it [Annie.]
OMG! You're famous! Check Daily Candy! And whistle while you work it Hmm-hmm If you blow my high You won't see me cry Yes! Ah! Ooh.
Oh, oh! Sophia! That is me.
I am Sophia.
They're in "lurve" with me! [exhales.]
Gotta smile while you're hurting And whistle while you work it What? FashionBug20 called me a snout-nose bitch.
Oh, no, you printed out Internet comments? You're never gonna be happy again.
I'm pretty sure it was a typo, and she meant snot-nosed bitch, but [Sophia sighs.]
Okay.
Look what BethLovesYarn has to say.
"This chick sells clothes from the '80s and then has the nerve to pass them off as vintage.
Even Hitler wouldn't do that.
" Wow.
Strong take, BethLovesYarn.
You know, shit from the '80s is vintage to my customers.
And I think Hitler would do what I do in a second.
Yeah, okay.
That argument needs to never leave this space, hmm? Got it.
I get a little attention for smoking all the chumps, then I get attacked for it? Sophia, these attacks are good.
They mean you're doing something right.
- They mean you're relevant.
- No, but some of these are flat-out lies.
Like this Frederick dude who says, "She might be having a moment but will never match the eBay success of a true vintage seller like Remembrances.
" Um, Frederick can have a moment eating my dick.
[Sophia grunts.]
- Feel better? - Mm-hm.
Did it help to eat a bunch of paper? Here you go.
Put it in there.
Oh.
- Missed it.
- Yeah.
Remembrances.
You know, I outsell that podunk store all day every day.
Oh, can you just save my Sims? [Sophia.]
Okay, look at this.
The middle of the summer, who's gonna buy these long-ass pants with the thick fabric on the bottom? I ain't got no time for bad pants.
Ooh.
Sophia's got her thinking face on.
What's she gonna do? What's her next move? I'm gonna buy these long-ass pants.
[tapping on door.]
Oop.
[tapping on door.]
[knocking on door.]
Hmm.
Can I help you? [softly.]
Are you I'm sorry.
[clears throat.]
I haven't talked out loud today.
Are you Sophia? That depends.
Are you a murderer? I am not a murderer.
I'm Gail.
Gail.
I own Remembrances.
You bought a pair of pants from me.
Yes.
Remembrances.
How weird.
I've been talking about you.
I'd like to speak with you about the pants.
To see if I got them? Gail, your customer service is astounding but fiscally irresponsible.
The thing is, I've already flipped those shorts for quite a profit.
Oh, I know.
I bought them.
[mimics explosion.]
[pops.]
Oh, yeah.
Come on in.
Let's keep this thing going.
Hmm.
So, this is where it happens.
Where you cut and desecrate beautiful vintage clothing.
[Sophia.]
Yup, this is it.
Hey, you want some bow-tie pasta? I like mine with butter.
That's what a child eats.
Still delicious, Gail.
Ooh.
Hello, you.
I am a person who believes things should be handled face-to-face.
Hmm, that's an interesting belief for an online retailer.
I don't know if you are familiar with the Vintage Fashion Forum? - No.
- No.
Well, we pride ourselves on preserving and protecting vintage clothes.
[sighs.]
And we feel that what you did violates our personal code of ethics.
Okay, what's the fine? Am I gonna have to, like, polish up some old-timey telescope? You went too far.
You should never have cut those pants.
I wouldn't do it if it was one of a kind.
You know, I wouldn't cut couture.
It's cold comfort, Sophia.
If you wanted an altered version, you should've found a comparable fabric and used it as a pattern.
And then, if you're like me, you should have wrapped the original garment in acid-free paper, put it in a box, and saved it for future generations to enjoy.
- No one would do that.
- I do.
You shouldn't.
[sighs.]
I just sat on a bus for nine hours, all the way from Reno, to ask you to do better.
And if you wanna avoid making the forum angry, you will.
Is it possible that you are just pissed that I sold those shorts for three times what you got for them? Mm-mm.
No.
It's not about business.
You are erasing history.
It's definitely about business.
All right, we will have to agree to disagree.
No, I don't agree.
You don't agree that we have to agree to disagree? I only agree to disagree.
I am straight-up disagreeable.
Good luck to you.
Sharon was right about you.
You are a snot-nosed bitch.
Knew it was a typo.
You're just not old enough to understand.
I feel sorry for you.
[door closes.]
No.
[yelling.]
Yo, Gail! Oh.
I thought you'd be halfway down the hall by now.
- I had to tie my shoe.
- You cannot come here and just shit on my business.
You don't know anything about me.
All you know is what I eat for dinner six nights a week.
Look, I've always found the best way to understand someone is to hear their story.
So maybe you'd like to tell me yours.
Why don't I show you instead? Um Yeah.
[Gail.]
Um Oh.
[rock music playing.]
Wow.
People are really expressing themselves in here.
Yeah.
The floor is very sticky.
It's very, very sticky.
See this girl over here in the lace romper? In about 30 seconds, that zero she's with is going to rank his favorite Monty Python movies, completely drying up her vagina.
She is a customer.
Oh, all right.
Over here.
Patent-leather platform boots.
Looks like she just moved here from Upstate New York.
Her name is probably Vanessa.
In about six months, she'll move back, because she is in way over her head.
Nessa is a customer.
Okay.
This Janet Jackson-looking girl, wearing a kimono on a Tuesday night like it's no big deal, she's cool as fuck.
And you can bet your ass Kimono's a customer.
Boy.
[chuckles.]
You love to cuss.
The point is, I alter clothes because I know what my customer wants.
Now, you may be trying to preserve old memories or whatever, that's fine, but I'm helping women create new ones.
That's Nasty Gal.
So the Janet Jackson girl in the kimono, technically, she would be Miss Jackson if you're Nasty Gal.
Was that a joke? Wow.
Gail made a joke.
- Yeah.
- Yes, well [chuckles.]
You know, I actually don't get out to bars that often.
Shocker.
Let's get you a drink.
A thousand pardons.
Excuse me.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, we touched skins.
Skin.
Excuse me, I'm so sorry.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
- I'm so sorry.
- [Sophia.]
Gail.
No one's around.
Yo, Dax! [Dax whistling.]
[Sophia.]
I know you can hear me.
Stop doing that passive-aggressive bartender thing where you pretend to not see someone shouting at you! Dax! Do not sass me tonight, Sophia.
It is too damn crowded in here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dax, this is Gail.
She comes from the Internet.
Gail, this is Dax, who's a big dumb boner-brain.
It's nice to meet you, and she's not my friend.
- She's not mine either.
- Oh.
I like the cut of your jib.
What can I get you? Shot of Patrón Silver.
- Damn! - Girl came to play.
Okay.
Make that two shots of Patty Sils.
Okay.
No one calls it that.
[hip-hop music playing.]
Oh.
Lady from the Internet goes hard.
I said I didn't get out to bars much.
I didn't say I don't drink alone at home.
You really are an enigma.
[mutters.]
Oh.
Oh, is it dance time? I didn't realize that it was dance time.
- Think it might be dance time.
- Yeah.
Okay.
[pop music playing.]
You sure that's not too much spinning there, Gail? No! Okey-dokey.
All right.
Not today, buddy.
Okay, I said, not today.
No, no, no.
All right.
Seriously.
- Okay, move it.
- [Gail.]
Hyah! She said, not today! [laughs.]
All of us in the forum are practically family even though we've never met.
I'm the matriarch, Betsy's the baby, and Frederick, he's the black sheep.
Not literally black.
Although, he may be black, which would be great! [Gail gasps.]
[in baby-talk voice.]
Who is this? Oh, what a puppy.
Oh, hi.
Oh, what a ruffer.
What is your name? Pancake.
Pancake.
Oh, you're the good ruffer.
You're the good pupper.
Pancake, what did you see today? Where have you been, Pancake? What do you eat? Tell me what you eat? Tell me who your friends are.
Are you going to see your friends right now? Oh.
[in normal voice.]
Bye, Pancake.
Bye.
Safe travels.
[Sophia chuckles.]
[Sophia.]
You like dogs, Gail? - Oh.
I wish I could have one.
- Why can't you? There'd be hair everywhere.
My garments have to come from a pet-and-smoke-free home.
Gail.
Get a dog.
Have a cigarette.
[Gail sighs.]
Oh, my goodness.
It's a 1940s debutante dream straight out of the window of Bonwit Teller.
How'd I miss that? Oh! What I wouldn't give to keep this dress in a box, wrapped up in paper for the rest of eternity.
It's so beautiful.
But by the time this place opens, I'll be on a bus back to Reno.
Probably stopped at a roadside Carl's Jr.
Oh, darn this life! You want that dress? I can get you that dress.
How? Mobias, this is an emergency.
You have exactly ten minutes to get your ass down here and open up the store.
Oh.
I don't wanna trouble anyone.
Why not? It's fun.
What the hell? I'm a night bird.
Let me fly.
- Do you live here? - Yes.
Just not very well.
Careful.
[gasps.]
Oh.
Look at you.
It's an honor to meet you.
I'm gonna call you Miss Fancy.
What's her deal? - She's from Reno.
- Oh, got it.
- Isn't it perfect? - I mean, I know what I'd do with it.
Nothing.
You would do nothing with it.
A dress like this has a story.
[Sophia.]
Oh.
It seems like you're about to tell it.
This once belonged to a young woman.
- Just try and picture her.
- Oh, dear.
Violet Rothschild bought this dress one spring afternoon while she was desperately missing her fiancé, Private Oswald Chandler of the 101st Airborne Division.
While Violet was admiring her dress in the mirror of her small room at a women's hotel on East 63rd Street, she had no idea that her beloved Oswald was dropping behind the beaches of Nazi-occupied France.
Every day that her fiancé was gone, Violet wondered: "Will I ever see my sweet Oswald again?" Of course she would.
Oswald returned home safely one year later.
And Violet greeted him at the airport with open arms, wearing the dress she bought Keep it and take it home with you - on that spring afternoon.
- [Sophia.]
Yeah.
And then it was all ka-bam, ka-bam, ka-bam all night long.
Ka-bam.
Well, they weren't married yet, Sophia.
They were only engaged.
- Oh.
So, probably just butt stuff, then? - Mm.
- Oh, no.
- Calm down.
There's been butt stuff going on since before there were clothes.
Well, I thought your story was an evocative tale of yesteryear.
Thank you.
For all we know, that could have belonged to some crazy lady who loved to set fires because it turned her on.
- Would you take 300 for it? - No.
I'll take two.
Deal.
Here are two crisp hundred-dollar bills.
I'm sorry, I have to do this.
You really don't.
- You have nice forearms.
- Hmm.
He does? [murmurs indistinctly.]
- Yes.
- Okay.
Mobias, where is it that you fall on the wide spectrum of sexuality and possibilities? Uh, not that it's any of your business, but typically, in the small chance that I do feel anything, I do enjoy the touch of a woman.
But if you're asking my preference, hmm, that would be self-pleasure with a bowl of room-temperature - Got it.
Glad I asked.
Saved you, Gail.
- Yes.
Um - That does change some things.
- [Mobias.]
Oh.
[Gail.]
This may surprise you, but I have over 600 episodes of The People's Court on tape.
That does not even surprise me a little bit.
[Sophia laughs.]
[cell phone chimes.]
Oh.
Someone special? Yeah.
Um This guy I'm seeing.
He's really nice.
Way nicer than I am.
I'm a pretty lucky girl.
Is this you getting personal? I thought you were all [in deep voice.]
totally business.
It's not about personal.
Hold my calls.
- What are you doing? - It's a business voice.
[Sophia laughing.]
[in normal voice.]
Well, I think you are very nice to let me stay here until the next bus leaves.
I could not have you wandering around the bus station late at night, talking to strangers about World War II.
I would've managed.
Uh-uh.
You're weird, but you're not bus-station-at-night weird.
I just mean, you have strong opinions about very specific things.
Oh, and you don't? You're kind of taking the vintage stuff to the next level.
Hmm Gail, shit, you don't even want people to wear the clothes.
Well sometimes clothes are all we have.
Huh? Well, my mom died when I was just a baby.
So I don't have any, um real memories of her.
So, the way I got to know her was through her closet 'cause my dad kept everything of hers, which was a really good thing.
I would just spend hours in there, just playing dress-up and I would see a skirt or a jacket, and I would ask my dad, you know, "Where did she get this? Can you remember the last time she wore it? Was it her favorite?" I was just full of questions, you know.
Usually, he couldn't remember which was hard for both of us.
So, I just started making up stories.
Sometimes I would share them and then, sometimes they were just for me.
I got pretty good at it.
My mom's clothes still smell like her.
I mean, I made sure to wrap them in acid-free paper and put them in a box.
Really works wonders.
Mm.
This is delicious, yo.
You know uh my mother wasn't around either.
She left when I was 12.
She took her clothes with her.
Where'd she go? As far away from my dad as possible.
[man on radio.]
Energy 92.
7 and we're on Wednesday-morning barf patrol! [man retching.]
[Sophia grunts.]
[Gail.]
Sophia, I'm glad we could finally agree to stop disagreeing.
Thanks for the new memories.
I want you to have this.
Gail.
PS, I've done butt stuff.
[laughs.]
Ew.
[in baby-talk voice.]
Oh.
Hello, dog.
You are dog, yes! You're very dog, aren't you? Uh-huh.
Yes.
I like you.
What a nice dog [in normal voice.]
Oh, no.
No.
Stay there.
Thank you.
Okay.
Good.
[sniffs.]
[cell phone chimes.]
[woman.]
Where are your homecoming dresses? Shopping early.
If I'm gonna be stuck in high school hell, I should look good, right? [ragtime music playing.]
Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wee-ooh Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo wee Doo wee Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wee-ooh Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo wee Doo wee Ooh, ooh Doo wee, doo wah Doo Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wah Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wee-ooh Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo wee Good morning, friends.
Good morning.
You can come in.
Good morning, friends.
Ooh Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wah Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo-doo wee-ooh Doo-doo wee-ooh, doo wee Doo wee You fucking bitch.
Mystical, magical musical madness Take it and make it a part of your day Musical themes of wishes and dreams Love songs anew just written for you Mystical, magical musical madness Filled with the sounds that wipe Sadness away We bring a happy message of love Keep it and take it home With you Mystical, magical musical madness Take it and make it a part of your day Musical themes of wishes and dreams Love songs anew just written for you Mystical, magical musical madness Take it and make it a part of your day Musical themes of wishes and dreams Love songs anew just written for you We bring a happy message of love Keep it and take it home With you