Glory Daze (2010) s01e07 Episode Script
What's Love Got to Nude With It
So, you think you're ready for the exam? Not really.
How about you? I'm getting there, But definitely could use some more time.
Yeah.
I'm really glad we got to study together, though.
I'm sorry.
Joel, aren't you tired of the subtext? The subtext? Is that -- is that in the footnotes somewhere? No.
I'm talking about the subtext between us.
We both know what's happening.
Oh.
That subtext.
We're crazy to think we can deny this.
Thank God! You don't know how hard this has been for me.
I -- all I ever think about is you.
All I ever think about is you, Joel.
Yes! I knew it! Wait.
What are we gonna do? You have a boyfriend.
It's just not the same with Damon.
Yes! I knew that, too.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
I'm so happy to hear this.
I mean, I want to take you to formal so bad, it's killing me.
I want to kiss you so bad, it's killing me.
Okay.
Well, that I did not know.
Wow.
This is right.
Good for you two.
What? Aah! Now she's invading my dreams.
Oh, God.
I'm obsessed.
Glory Daze - Season 1, Episode 7 "What's Love Got to Nude With It" 100 miles.
Gentlemen, fall formal is in less than a week, And we cannot find a single hotel that will rent to us Within a 100-mile radius.
What about a 105-mile radius? This is serious, Reno.
What do you expect? Decades of debauchery, A few burned-down ballrooms -- No wonder the entire hospitality industry turned against us.
What are we gonna do? Fall formal happens in a hotel.
This is a tradition.
I'm not gonna be the first president to mess that up.
Don't worry.
I have an ace up my sleeve.
I'm standing right here.
Oh, not you, Hector.
My other sleeve.
We'll send the pledges, someone he hasn't seen before.
Sir, on behalf of the Pro-American Conservative Youth, We are very happy to be here.
"PACY"! Of course! Yes.
You know, I actually met my wife through PACY.
oh, God.
I am such a lucky man.
Thanks to them, we've had 10 incredible years.
and a beautiful baby Say hello to Siegfried.
Hey, Siegfried! Hello.
He's got your eyes.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
That's so cute.
Siggie would just eat the four of you up.
Now, you weren't thinking Of having the PACY Purity Ball here, were you? As a matter of fact, we are.
Yeah, as you know, This is a big celebration for our organization.
A celebration of purity.
And, uh, conservativeness.
And young american Ness.
Well, that's my favorite kind of american-ness.
Oh, I would be honored to host your group Here at the inn at Safchik Lake.
we're a full-service hotel.
We do weddings and pageants and, um -- oh! I'm a notary public, so tell all those friends of yours.
we will.
You know it.
Got to put Siggie through finishing school.
You know what I mean? and it ain't cheap.
Oh! And another thing Don't worry about the temptation of alcohol.
I will protect your purity, And I will make sure those minibars stay padlocked.
Padlocked minibars.
Fun! Yeah! Great! Rock 'n' roll.
Whoo! Party time! Great! Wait.
So your mom set you up? No, no.
Not a mom setup.
A friend-of-my-mom's-friend setup.
So a mom setup twice removed.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, that's way better.
Yeah, turns out her daughter's a freshman here.
She's actually pretty cute.
Oh.
Oh, nice.
Hmm? Oh, all right.
Way to go, friend of Mrs.
Harrington's friend.
Yeah, I figure it's worth a shot.
Plus -- give me that.
Plus, I've got to get past this Christie thing, man.
She's starting to invade my dreams.
Oh, dream invasion.
I love when that happens.
No, it's not a good thing, Eli.
Yeah.
No, I know.
Man, I get it.
Formal's coming up.
You know, you want to focus on someone attainable.
That's a wise approach.
Thank you.
Want to hear a wiser approach? I don't know.
Do I? Yeah, I think so.
All right.
You know that, uh, Early childhood development class I'm taking? Oh, yeah.
The one you said is full of hot, nurturing girls.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Well, all I had to do was tell them I have mommy issues.
Bam! I get a date.
That's great, Eli -- Manipulating a bunch of nurturers For your own personal gain.
Hey, it's not manipulating, okay? I really have mommy issues.
And I got a date.
That was good.
Oh, God.
I should have been studying for medieval civ, But once again, I couldn't resist you.
Well, I should have been icing my shoulder after practice, But once again, here we are.
Is it me, or is our sex life Seriously interfering with our real lives? I am so exhausted after our nights together, I just bombed a slavic studies quiz.
Yeah.
Coach caught me nodding off on the mound the other day.
He would have been pissed If he wasn't so impressed I could sleep standing up.
we really, really need to figure out a way To slow this sex thing down.
How? By not seeing each other? No.
No.
There's just got to be more between us than raw passion.
We were once attracted to each other's minds, right? Don't we have that still? Probably.
Somewhere.
Outside the bedroom.
That's the problem.
We're always in here.
How about A one-week ban on any and all bedroom activities? I can get my grades up.
Your baseball improves.
Okay.
So instead of meeting in here, we could Go to dinner? Or a movie.
Yeah.
That's great.
Yeah.
Actually, no.
No, no.
Let's not do the movie.
I don't trust myself around you in the dark.
Yeah, you're right.
Bad things happen in the dark.
Oh, boy.
You are in such good shape, Julie.
Well, you know what they say -- Fitness is next to godliness.
I thought cleanliness was next to godliness.
Oh, it is.
On one side.
Fitness is on the other.
I didn't know that.
Hey, could you slow down a touch? Something I want to talk to you about.
I'd like you to accompany me to the Omega Sig fall formal.
You're gonna love the theme -- Pro-American Conservative Youth.
That's the theme for your formal? Not exactly.
It's more like a lie we had to tell to book the ballroom.
Well, if you had to lie, you sure did pick a good one.
And as any good conservative will tell you -- The ends do justify the means.
Every time.
You know, I've dreamed of being your formal date Since high school.
I know.
But that dream included the Biltmore hotel And me as a Zeta Rho.
This is the Omega Sigs and the inn at Safchik Lake.
That's okay.
I can handle it.
I urinated in the bushes on dad's day.
you did.
And that was a lovely gesture.
But this is gonna be different.
I mean, the inn at Safchik Lake has no lake.
I don't need a lake.
I want to prove to you how much I've changed.
As long as I have you, the night's gonna be perfect.
Really? Really.
Well, I'm gonna do everything in my power To make sure this is a magical evening for you.
Well, if you're pulling out the magic, Why don't you make a lake appear? Joel? Tammy? Wow.
Hi.
It's So nice to meet you.
Oh, my God.
It's, like, really nice to meet you also.
so, how crazy is this whole setup thing, right? I'm just gonna come clean -- I was totally doing this as, like, a sympathy date, But now that I see you in person, Everything has changed.
You've totally grown into your nose.
IDidn't even know it needed growing into.
It did.
I'm so happy we're doing this, Joe.
Joe? No, sorry.
It's -- it's joewith an "l.
" Oh, I know.
Joe's my nickname for you.
But it's the same number of syllables.
you're such a virgo.
Actually, I'm a libra.
Mm.
Pretty sure you're not.
Pretty sure that I am.
Can you hold this? It's really heavy.
I'm so excited about our picnic.
Yeah.
Yay! She's not coming! S-- who's not coming? Well, the girl you're obviously waiting for.
I hate seeing the boys get stood up.
Stood up.
I'm not -- I'm not getting stood up.
Okay, there's plenty of reasons A girl could be 25 minutes late.
Oh.
I love your innocence.
You know, I had this kid who was waiting for his date Through three showings of "Singing In The Rain.
" Died of pneumonia.
That's horrible.
Ah, it happens.
Like your date.
She's not coming.
No.
What? No.
No, I told you -- it's only been 25 minutes.
Okay? 26 minutes.
Why would she do this to me, huh?! I mean, she could have called! She could have left a note! Oh.
I mean, she could have called, left a note! She could have come in person To let me know she was gonna stand me up.
Can I get a refund, please? Oh, I'm sorry, honey -- no refunds since 1970.
A lot of people got stood up waiting for "Love Story.
" Dark times.
But it happens.
Well, I'm not gonna see a chick flick by myself.
Well, can I at least exchange it for "Top Gun"? Oh.
There you go.
Enjoy the show.
So, an -- an indoor picnic.
It's Allergies.
Trees, grass, dirt Wind.
It's pretty much, like, the worst ever.
I mean, like, literally -- the worst.
I could think of worse.
You're so "glass half full," Joe.
Well, well, well.
Looks like somebody stepped in a big pile of lucky.
Yep, ISure did.
Sorry.
We don't want to interrupt your date.
Is this a date? Not just a date -- Like, the best date, like, probably ever.
Oh.
Oh.
Joe is awesome.
"Joe"? Joel is awesome.
Guys, this is Tammy.
Um, Tammy, that's Damon and Christie.
Hi.
Oh, my God.
Can I just say that you guys Are, like, the cutest couple ever? Like, I want to you.
What's your secret? Oh! Oh! Uh, that's a tough one.
I guess we just dare to dream? Mm.
Oh, love dreams.
I even keep a dream journal.
Do you, Joe? No.
Me? no.
No paper trail of my dreams.
That's a good policy, Joe.
So, are we thinking formal? Damon! What? I'm looking, and I am seeing the chemistry.
Are we just gonna lie and say we don't see it? I see it! Formal? Yay! Formal.
Yay.
I-I don't know how it happened.
I'm on this weird date.
I'm trying to get my mind off Christie, When who shows up? Christie.
And she's with Damon.
And then suddenly, Everyone's talking about how cute everybody is.
Next thing I know, I'm going to formal with a girl Who nicknames me Joe and insists that I'm a virgo.
Really? I didn't know you were a virgo.
I'm not a virgo! If Tammy's as weird as she sounds, I beg you to keep her away from Julie.
I'm trying to make formal perfect for her, And I can't afford a freak show or an unprovoked nickname.
No, don't worry, Jason.
I don't care if Tammy is the daughter Of a friend of my mom's friend.
I cannot take this girl to formal.
What is that? What? Eli? Whoo! What's up, wingmen? Somebody just saw "Top Gun.
" Oh.
Yeah.
What's up with the minibike? Rented it.
They were out of crotch rockets, But I told that guy I couldn't fight the need The need for speed.
Guys, I had an epiphany last night.
I thought you had a date last night.
Yeah, I did.
She stood me up.
But honestly, it was the greatest thing That ever happened, 'cause I went to go see "Top Gun" by myself, And Maverick showed me the man I'm supposed to be, A man going Mach 2 with his hair on fire, Flipping Migs the bird, And the entire time, wearing awesome aviators.
Eli, everybody who sees "Top Gun" wants to be a pilot.
I'm not everyone.
That's true.
But don't you think you might be taking this a little too far? No.
In fact, I don't think I've taken it far enough.
Guys, you want to know why I spazzed And branded my own ass the night we got our bids? Or -- or why I ate pot brownies And thought I was a wolf for the entire night? Why I'm still a virgin? I think those questions are better left to a professional.
No.
No need for pros, man.
Maverick gave me the answer.
Okay, I'm unfocused! I need the structure and discipline Of the military to set me right.
Mm.
Which is why I signed up For the amphibious tactical warfare class.
Joel, it's an easy "A," And there's two days left till the add/drop deadline.
Do yourself a favor and pull up that sagging G.
P.
A.
Well Who told you my G.
P.
A.
was sagging? I know my wingman.
Besides, it'll get your mind off Christie, huh? Think about it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a minibike to return.
See you guys in the danger zone.
I got to get me one of these uniforms.
I mean, look at these guys.
They're all cool, they're proud, they're confident.
I mean, ten-hut! Look at these guys.
Civilians You're not permitted to stand.
"civilians.
" is she talking about us? Just be whatever she wants us to be.
Gentlemen, you have to earn the right to stand.
Sit.
Um, quick question -- Uh, where do I get one of those uniforms? Look around you.
Do you think we just let anyone wear stripes? Only members of the R.
O.
T.
C.
are issued uniforms.
Isn't that right, gentlemen? Yes, lieutenant! At ease.
Yes, civilian? Quick question -- uh, two-parter -- W-where do I sign up, and what is R.
O.
T.
C.
exactly? Let's just see if you pass the class first.
This Friday, you'll be expected to deliver an oral presentation On a significant amphibious conflict.
Until then, why don't you keep your mouth shut? Hmm?! See, that's the discipline I've been looking for.
Amphibious warfare?! I thought you said this was gonna be an easy "a.
" Cool your jets, goose.
She's just testing us.
Rook takes bishop.
This is nice.
Day one of our one-week sex ban.
Fresh air, broad daylight -- nothing erotic here.
Nope.
Just a little payback.
Queen takes rook.
you! I didn't even see that.
Hello rookie.
Hey, Tammy.
Oh! Good.
You're here.
I was just doing a dress rehearsal for my formal face.
Whoa! I know.
Tough decision.
Right? This side, I'm "Like A Virgin," And this side I'm "Desperately Seeking Susan.
" Oh, wait.
Before you decide, see it with the dress -- Desperate, virgin.
Desperate, virgin.
Whoa.
Tammy, Tammy, Tammy! Yeah? Actually, I need to talk to you about formal.
Oh, my God.
You're dumping me.
No.
No, no, no.
I'm not dumping you.
I was just -- God.
I just blew it, didn't I? I wanted it so bad, and I blew it! Oh, I'm so stupid! Oh, I'm stupid! I'm stupid! I'm stupid! Tammy, no, no, no.
Tammy, you're not -- you're not stupid.
Yes, I am.
I'm stupid and I'm sad.
I just -- this formal was supposed be The first ray of sunshine in my life Since Dr.
Morganson died.
why did you have to go, Dr.
Morganson? Your doctor died? No.
My cat.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Tammy, I-I had no idea.
how could you? oh, it just hurts so bad.
Ooh, I'm s-- I-- you know what, Tammy? I-I know that it hurts now, but -- But with time, you're gonna get through this.
I had a dog die in high school, and I totally understand.
You're so kind.
I don't deserve you.
Don't -- don't say that.
Oh! I'm sorry.
I just wish you didn't have to see me like this.
I'm so raw right now.
I'm sorry.
I interrupted you.
Um, you can go back to dumping me now.
What? No.
No, I wasn't -- I wasn't dumping you.
I was just saying You should go with "virgin.
" Yeah.
See you Saturday! Yeah? Yeah! Yay! Okay.
Don't step on my dress! I'm sorry.
Yay! Mm.
Virgin.
Eli, what's -- what's going on here? Oh, hey, man.
I've reconceived our project.
I just don't think we were doing the battle of Inchon justice.
But I stayed up all night making this poster board.
Do you really think magic markers and elmer's glue Are gonna impress lieutenant lang? Okay, this isn't arts and crafts, man.
All right? This is war.
And she already dismissed us as civilians.
Eli, we are civilians.
And w-what is Chang doing here? Sorry, Chang.
What's up, man? Hey, what's up, man? Special effects -- Follow spots, sound cues, pyrotechnics.
Okay, now I'm nervous.
Good.
A lot of people were nervous in Korea.
Use that.
Now, here are your lines.
Lines? What the hell is going on here?! Only the greatest civilian presentation You've ever seen, ma'am.
I smell the distinct aroma of gunpowder.
You do.
It's great, right? Hope you have my stripes ready.
Have a seat.
Are you giving me orders in my own classroom? No.
Just a suggestion.
Please put on this poncho? Okay.
What are you doing? Chang Lights.
September 15, 1950, Pusan perimeter, South Korea.
U.
N.
Forces gather under the command Of general Douglas MacArthur, Where they await his daring plan.
It was not a place For the timid.
Timid -- It wasn't the place for the timid! Huh! Ow! Chang's on fire! Chang! Chang you're on fire! My pants are on fire! Chang! Hey, why are you guys late? Eli just blew up Chang.
And my easy "A.
" Where? Somewhere off the coast of Korea.
I'm sorry, okay? I told you I'd take care of it.
All right.
Is Chang okay? Just some second-degree burns.
He's fine.
Oh, and to remind everyone, We will be attending this year's formal As the pro-american conservative youth.
So we have less than a day to prepare ourselves For an evening of right-wing revelry.
Yeah! Which is really just a fancy way of saying "no alcohol.
" We know what you're thinking -- Why not disguise ourselves as a group that can drink? My response -- what's the challenge in that? Hmm? Hector! You will notice that hector is modeling What appears to be an ordinary tuxedo.
However, we have retrofitted it with the necessary devices To properly enjoy the festivities.
Mr.
Reno, please.
Exhibit "A" -- What appears to be a common ballpoint pen Is, in fact, a common ballpoint pen Filled with the alcohol of your choice! Exhibit "B" -- the squirting boutonniere.
That's right, gentlemen.
This boutonniere is attached to a 9.
7-ounce booze bag.
Now, 9.
7 ounces wiget you drunk, But just in case, I'll be wearing two.
And exhibit "C," Which is a stroke of pure conservative genius -- What appears from the outside to the best-selling biography Of our nation's first lady Is, in fact, the "Just Say Nancy" flask! Just say tequila! Okay, gentlemen, and now for a special treat, One of our pledges is gonna give us the fundamentals Of american conservatism.
Gentlemen, I present to you Jason Wilson.
Get up here.
Of the Pennsylvania Wilsons.
That's right.
Thank you.
You know, as Reno spoke, it occurred to me That self-interest is one of the cornerstones Of conservative political philosophy.
So in many ways, the Omega Sigs Are the most conservative group I know.
Yeah.
Whoa! Hey, hey.
Whoa, whoa! Whoa, Hector.
Tequila! Come on.
Hold it up! Don't be a pussy.
Excuse me, ma'am? Miss -- madam? Madam? Sir? "Lieutenant"! Lieutenant.
Uh, permission to speak? Permission granted.
Ha! As long as you're not gonna Make me wear a little poncho.
Nope.
No more ponchos.
Um, I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.
I really crashed and burned on our project.
Let me ask you something, Feldman.
How many times have you seen "Top Gun"? I bet you make all your little friends call you Maverick, huh? I tried.
It didn't take.
You know why? Because you're not Maverick.
As a wise man once said, "I am what I am.
" General MacArthur.
No.
Popeye.
II want to fix who I am.
That's why I signed up for your class in the first place.
Still got a long way to go.
I know.
But I'm not here for me.
My friend Joel -- he's a good guy.
He doesn't deserve a bad grade for what I did.
Just don't punish him for my mistakePlease? Maybe you're not so far off as I thought.
You may have screwed up in the classroom, But you just did something right.
I did? Yep.
You fought for your buddy in the foxhole next to you.
That's what soldiers do.
Feldman You got potential.
Permission to get emotional, ma'am? Permission denied.
I'm gonna get you! By the way, coach says I've been pitching like a pro at practice.
I got an "A" on my slavic migration paper.
Looks like the sex ban is working.
Halfway through, and we're no longer slaves to our hormones.
But just in case, I'm taking the sofa tonight.
Hello.
Checking in? Yes, uh, Wilson Comma Jason.
Oh, Wilson -- Yes, there you are, you young conservative, you.
Okay.
You are room 225.
Wonderful.
And, uh, this is the honeymoon suite, correct? No, it's a standard double.
It's a really lovely room.
Standard double.
Uh-huh.
No, you see, I'm trying to create magic here.
You can't create magic in a standard double.
That's why I reserved the honeymoon suite.
Uh -- I -- Look.
Hey, take a look at that girl over there.
Does anything about her look standard? Or double? No, sir, I share your outrage.
I am so sorry.
There must have been some sort of clerical error here.
Um, could I mend fences and get you a fruit basket Or a continental breakfast? Only one.
I do not want to eat fruit in a standard double.
Okay, great.
So continental breakfast it is.
No Is everything okay, honey? Hey, sweetie.
Um There's been a slight glitch.
But have no fear.
You -- you go up to the room, and the magic shall resume.
I'm not worried.
And I'm sure it will.
Oh! You know what's fun? Glitter.
I've loved it my whole life.
You didn't bring any, did you? No.
Sorry.
I don't usually travel with glitter.
Psst! Got a young conservatives meeting in here.
That's code for pre-party! Come on, guys.
Get in here.
Joel, where's Eli? Oh, he said he'd be right here after the 4:30 showing of "Top Gun.
" Oh! Look! Shrimp! Ooh! Why don't you head on in there, And I'll, uh, take our luggage to the room? Okay, but you better miss me! Ooh! You know I will.
Be strong, jedi.
Hang in there.
oh, my God! Aah! Oh! What are you doing here?! What?! This is my room! What are you doing here?! Turn around and I'll tell you! Okay.
The pre-party's in my suite, So Annabel said I could change here.
That makes sense.
I think I should go.
I think that's a good idea! I'm gonna go.
Oh, God! I'm sorry.
On my way.
I'm still going.
I'm Uh, see you later.
You look great.
Ugh.
Hello? What's up, Izod? Hi.
Uh, I'm Jason Wilson.
Uh, it seems there's been a terrible mix-up.
Uh, I actually reserved this honeymoon suite For me and my girlfriend.
I'm trying to give her a night of paradise.
You know, and it's kind of hard in a standard double, so Do you think we could work something out? Sure.
Yeah, my fiancee and I Will just move out of the honeymoon suite On our wedding night.
Oh, you're getting married? You will cherish this day for the rest of your life.
So, still no chance we can work something out? What do you think? I think we have quite the Conundrum.
"Conundrum.
" Yeah, that's the second half of my band's name.
What's the first? Anal.
"Anal Conundrum"? That is catchy.
Hey, hey! Hi, honey.
I missed you.
Well, unfortunately, baby, we're still glitching.
Turns out the honeymoon suite is occupied By a soon-to-be-wed couple Which does make sense.
Um, of course it does, but you know what? We're going to make the best of it! You pour some champagne.
I will set the mood.
Okay.
Neon.
It is a mood.
You know what? The mood is fine.
Let's just have some bubbly.
Good idea.
Thinker.
Cheers, baby.
I love you.
Ah! It's good.
Mm-hmm.
Blackberry? Mmm! If you say so.
I do.
Dude, you look like you've just seen a ghost.
Something like that.
You remember how I told you I was trying to keep my mind off of Christie? Yeah.
I just saw her naked.
Oh, that's not good.
Unh-unh.
Unless it was good.
I don't know.
How do you feel about this? How do you think I feel? Embarrassed and confused.
Embarrassed Um, awkward.
Evening, gentlemen.
Hey.
hi.
Looking sharp, huh? Thank you.
Ahh.
Nice.
Someone is ready to party.
Joel, you'll be happy to know That I spoke to lieutenant Lang.
We got everything straightened out with your grades.
Aw, thanks, man.
Of course, man.
Did she give you that uniform? No.
No.
But she did say I had potential.
No, I actually got this bad boy From the same place I got my minibike.
Great store, by the way.
They got, like, everything there.
Well, it suits you.
By the way, Joel saw Christie naked.
What?! Are you serious? He's serious? Yeah.
Ohh, man, if I wasn't in uniform, I'd ask for details.
Does Damon know? Well, he didn't seem to know When we saw him the elevator with Christie.
Yeah, consider yourself lucky That you missed the most awkward elevator ride of all time.
man.
You know what? Guys, I got to go talk to her.
Yeah.
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
Hey.
Listen, about earlier -- You know, back -- back in the room with I'm really sorry.
I Yeah.
That wasUnexpected.
Yes.
That it was.
So, uh You think you're gonna tell Damon? I don't know how much good that would do.
Besides, I think there might be another way to deal with this.
Sure.
Yeah.
Anything.
I need to see you naked.
What? Joel, I'm kidding.
it's nothing.
You sure? Really? Okay, well, it's not nothing, But I think we should try to let it go.
There you are! Here he is.
Tammy, hey.
You know what song I love? "dancing with myself.
" But you know what I don't love doing? Dancing with myself.
So let's fix that.
Right now.
All right.
I'm waiting! She's waiting.
So, you just point, wink, blow my mind, And then leave me hanging? Apologies.
But that's what we call a flyby, miss Call me Janie.
Okay, I will.
Care for some punch Janie? See what I did? I called you Janie.
Ohh.
An officer and a man of his word.
You're dangerous.
That's right.
I am dangerous.
Ohh.
Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh.
You conservatives give me so much faith in America.
Aww.
And America has so much faith in you.
Oh, stop! I've got a wedding to officiate, ayou are making me blush.
Oh, stop it.
Stop it.
Honey, you stop it.
Devil.
Cuckoo! Cuckoo! This is crazy.
We are at a formal.
We should be dancing.
Yeah, but what about the ban on sex? You know where rhythmic body movements will lead us -- Right back in the sack.
Let's just face it -- We have intense physical chemistry.
So let's just give in to our bodies.
Let's.
Oh, yeah.
I love this song! Oh.
What are you doing? Dancing.
Why? Is it weird? No! Actually, I think we might have found the antidote To our sexual cravings.
Wait.
My dancing is the antidote? yes.
So if I have a test to study for, You dance, kill the mood, no sex! And if I have a game, I dance, You're repulsed Oh! No sex! Yes! Perfect.
It's the best of both worlds! Just don't do it when you're not supposed to.
Are you saying I should stop dancing now? If you want to have sex again.
I do.
Okay.
Have you ever seen "Top Gun"? Have you ever seen a Mig 28 do a 4g negative dive? Oh, that's classified, ma'am.
Permission to go below the hard deck? Permission granted.
So, when's the part when we make out? No, I'd love to, But I don't want to blow our conservative cover.
But I'm sad.
About my cat? I'm not sure making out would help.
That's pretty much not true.
It's basically exactly how I've gotten through These last six months.
Your cat died six months ago? Yeah, Joe.
I'm a slow healer.
Mm! Okay, I'm Gonna put my hands here.
Uh-huh.
Hands on elbows.
Uh-huh.
You like that? Yes.
Put them wherever you want.
Then I'm gonna move to the shoulders.
You like that right there? Uh-huh.
She's buzzing the tower.
I can't believe this is happening.
Oh, I am cleared for takeoff.
See? We don't need the Biltmore to do the foxtrot.
Hello, Izod.
Mr.
Conundrum! We're missing our maid of honor.
She's with your Navy friend.
Oh, Eli? Uh, I don't -- I don't know where he is.
Well, you better find him fast.
I got a wedding to rock at midnight.
I don't know what to say.
Um Maybe you could proceed without her.
Well, I don't know.
Could your night in paradise Proceed without Mrs.
Izod here? Let her go, please.
Or what? Or I will be forced to take decisive action.
Oh! Really? Go for it, man.
Get him! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey! You're messing with the wrong republican, lady! The wrong republican! Yeah! Are you ready? Oh, I've been ready for 18 years.
Make it like seven.
Let's go kick some conservative-youth ass! Oh, God.
They're fighting again.
"conservative youth.
" that's my fraternity! I got to go.
Go? My friends need me.
But I need you Now.
You have no idea how much I want you right now.
Uh-huh.
But this isn't about my struggle.
It's about my friends in the foxhole next to me.
Foxhole? ItWas a thing.
Oh.
I'll think of you often And inappropriately.
Stop it! Stop it! What kind of young conservatives are you?! You killed our minister! Bruce! Bruce, talk to me.
Come on, Brucey.
Wake it up, pal.
Ohh, Siegfried.
somebody, get me Siegfried, my little baby.
All right.
He's delirious.
I was a fool to think That this could substitute for the Biltmore.
Tonight was awful.
And -- and there's the fight.
Actually, Jason, that was the most romantic thing You've ever done for me.
You defended my honor.
I would take that over the Biltmore any night.
You guys see what I'm seeing? Oh, that's sad.
And a little weird.
There's just got to be something we can do.
Last year, When I decided to become an ordained minister Through an ad in the back of Rolling Stone magazine, I did it to bring people together And for a free subscription.
But my story is not why we're here.
Hard rockers Omega Sigs Delirious hotel manager, We are here tonight to celebrate love! You may kiss the bride.
How about you? I'm getting there, But definitely could use some more time.
Yeah.
I'm really glad we got to study together, though.
I'm sorry.
Joel, aren't you tired of the subtext? The subtext? Is that -- is that in the footnotes somewhere? No.
I'm talking about the subtext between us.
We both know what's happening.
Oh.
That subtext.
We're crazy to think we can deny this.
Thank God! You don't know how hard this has been for me.
I -- all I ever think about is you.
All I ever think about is you, Joel.
Yes! I knew it! Wait.
What are we gonna do? You have a boyfriend.
It's just not the same with Damon.
Yes! I knew that, too.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
I'm so happy to hear this.
I mean, I want to take you to formal so bad, it's killing me.
I want to kiss you so bad, it's killing me.
Okay.
Well, that I did not know.
Wow.
This is right.
Good for you two.
What? Aah! Now she's invading my dreams.
Oh, God.
I'm obsessed.
Glory Daze - Season 1, Episode 7 "What's Love Got to Nude With It" 100 miles.
Gentlemen, fall formal is in less than a week, And we cannot find a single hotel that will rent to us Within a 100-mile radius.
What about a 105-mile radius? This is serious, Reno.
What do you expect? Decades of debauchery, A few burned-down ballrooms -- No wonder the entire hospitality industry turned against us.
What are we gonna do? Fall formal happens in a hotel.
This is a tradition.
I'm not gonna be the first president to mess that up.
Don't worry.
I have an ace up my sleeve.
I'm standing right here.
Oh, not you, Hector.
My other sleeve.
We'll send the pledges, someone he hasn't seen before.
Sir, on behalf of the Pro-American Conservative Youth, We are very happy to be here.
"PACY"! Of course! Yes.
You know, I actually met my wife through PACY.
oh, God.
I am such a lucky man.
Thanks to them, we've had 10 incredible years.
and a beautiful baby Say hello to Siegfried.
Hey, Siegfried! Hello.
He's got your eyes.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
That's so cute.
Siggie would just eat the four of you up.
Now, you weren't thinking Of having the PACY Purity Ball here, were you? As a matter of fact, we are.
Yeah, as you know, This is a big celebration for our organization.
A celebration of purity.
And, uh, conservativeness.
And young american Ness.
Well, that's my favorite kind of american-ness.
Oh, I would be honored to host your group Here at the inn at Safchik Lake.
we're a full-service hotel.
We do weddings and pageants and, um -- oh! I'm a notary public, so tell all those friends of yours.
we will.
You know it.
Got to put Siggie through finishing school.
You know what I mean? and it ain't cheap.
Oh! And another thing Don't worry about the temptation of alcohol.
I will protect your purity, And I will make sure those minibars stay padlocked.
Padlocked minibars.
Fun! Yeah! Great! Rock 'n' roll.
Whoo! Party time! Great! Wait.
So your mom set you up? No, no.
Not a mom setup.
A friend-of-my-mom's-friend setup.
So a mom setup twice removed.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, that's way better.
Yeah, turns out her daughter's a freshman here.
She's actually pretty cute.
Oh.
Oh, nice.
Hmm? Oh, all right.
Way to go, friend of Mrs.
Harrington's friend.
Yeah, I figure it's worth a shot.
Plus -- give me that.
Plus, I've got to get past this Christie thing, man.
She's starting to invade my dreams.
Oh, dream invasion.
I love when that happens.
No, it's not a good thing, Eli.
Yeah.
No, I know.
Man, I get it.
Formal's coming up.
You know, you want to focus on someone attainable.
That's a wise approach.
Thank you.
Want to hear a wiser approach? I don't know.
Do I? Yeah, I think so.
All right.
You know that, uh, Early childhood development class I'm taking? Oh, yeah.
The one you said is full of hot, nurturing girls.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Well, all I had to do was tell them I have mommy issues.
Bam! I get a date.
That's great, Eli -- Manipulating a bunch of nurturers For your own personal gain.
Hey, it's not manipulating, okay? I really have mommy issues.
And I got a date.
That was good.
Oh, God.
I should have been studying for medieval civ, But once again, I couldn't resist you.
Well, I should have been icing my shoulder after practice, But once again, here we are.
Is it me, or is our sex life Seriously interfering with our real lives? I am so exhausted after our nights together, I just bombed a slavic studies quiz.
Yeah.
Coach caught me nodding off on the mound the other day.
He would have been pissed If he wasn't so impressed I could sleep standing up.
we really, really need to figure out a way To slow this sex thing down.
How? By not seeing each other? No.
No.
There's just got to be more between us than raw passion.
We were once attracted to each other's minds, right? Don't we have that still? Probably.
Somewhere.
Outside the bedroom.
That's the problem.
We're always in here.
How about A one-week ban on any and all bedroom activities? I can get my grades up.
Your baseball improves.
Okay.
So instead of meeting in here, we could Go to dinner? Or a movie.
Yeah.
That's great.
Yeah.
Actually, no.
No, no.
Let's not do the movie.
I don't trust myself around you in the dark.
Yeah, you're right.
Bad things happen in the dark.
Oh, boy.
You are in such good shape, Julie.
Well, you know what they say -- Fitness is next to godliness.
I thought cleanliness was next to godliness.
Oh, it is.
On one side.
Fitness is on the other.
I didn't know that.
Hey, could you slow down a touch? Something I want to talk to you about.
I'd like you to accompany me to the Omega Sig fall formal.
You're gonna love the theme -- Pro-American Conservative Youth.
That's the theme for your formal? Not exactly.
It's more like a lie we had to tell to book the ballroom.
Well, if you had to lie, you sure did pick a good one.
And as any good conservative will tell you -- The ends do justify the means.
Every time.
You know, I've dreamed of being your formal date Since high school.
I know.
But that dream included the Biltmore hotel And me as a Zeta Rho.
This is the Omega Sigs and the inn at Safchik Lake.
That's okay.
I can handle it.
I urinated in the bushes on dad's day.
you did.
And that was a lovely gesture.
But this is gonna be different.
I mean, the inn at Safchik Lake has no lake.
I don't need a lake.
I want to prove to you how much I've changed.
As long as I have you, the night's gonna be perfect.
Really? Really.
Well, I'm gonna do everything in my power To make sure this is a magical evening for you.
Well, if you're pulling out the magic, Why don't you make a lake appear? Joel? Tammy? Wow.
Hi.
It's So nice to meet you.
Oh, my God.
It's, like, really nice to meet you also.
so, how crazy is this whole setup thing, right? I'm just gonna come clean -- I was totally doing this as, like, a sympathy date, But now that I see you in person, Everything has changed.
You've totally grown into your nose.
IDidn't even know it needed growing into.
It did.
I'm so happy we're doing this, Joe.
Joe? No, sorry.
It's -- it's joewith an "l.
" Oh, I know.
Joe's my nickname for you.
But it's the same number of syllables.
you're such a virgo.
Actually, I'm a libra.
Mm.
Pretty sure you're not.
Pretty sure that I am.
Can you hold this? It's really heavy.
I'm so excited about our picnic.
Yeah.
Yay! She's not coming! S-- who's not coming? Well, the girl you're obviously waiting for.
I hate seeing the boys get stood up.
Stood up.
I'm not -- I'm not getting stood up.
Okay, there's plenty of reasons A girl could be 25 minutes late.
Oh.
I love your innocence.
You know, I had this kid who was waiting for his date Through three showings of "Singing In The Rain.
" Died of pneumonia.
That's horrible.
Ah, it happens.
Like your date.
She's not coming.
No.
What? No.
No, I told you -- it's only been 25 minutes.
Okay? 26 minutes.
Why would she do this to me, huh?! I mean, she could have called! She could have left a note! Oh.
I mean, she could have called, left a note! She could have come in person To let me know she was gonna stand me up.
Can I get a refund, please? Oh, I'm sorry, honey -- no refunds since 1970.
A lot of people got stood up waiting for "Love Story.
" Dark times.
But it happens.
Well, I'm not gonna see a chick flick by myself.
Well, can I at least exchange it for "Top Gun"? Oh.
There you go.
Enjoy the show.
So, an -- an indoor picnic.
It's Allergies.
Trees, grass, dirt Wind.
It's pretty much, like, the worst ever.
I mean, like, literally -- the worst.
I could think of worse.
You're so "glass half full," Joe.
Well, well, well.
Looks like somebody stepped in a big pile of lucky.
Yep, ISure did.
Sorry.
We don't want to interrupt your date.
Is this a date? Not just a date -- Like, the best date, like, probably ever.
Oh.
Oh.
Joe is awesome.
"Joe"? Joel is awesome.
Guys, this is Tammy.
Um, Tammy, that's Damon and Christie.
Hi.
Oh, my God.
Can I just say that you guys Are, like, the cutest couple ever? Like, I want to you.
What's your secret? Oh! Oh! Uh, that's a tough one.
I guess we just dare to dream? Mm.
Oh, love dreams.
I even keep a dream journal.
Do you, Joe? No.
Me? no.
No paper trail of my dreams.
That's a good policy, Joe.
So, are we thinking formal? Damon! What? I'm looking, and I am seeing the chemistry.
Are we just gonna lie and say we don't see it? I see it! Formal? Yay! Formal.
Yay.
I-I don't know how it happened.
I'm on this weird date.
I'm trying to get my mind off Christie, When who shows up? Christie.
And she's with Damon.
And then suddenly, Everyone's talking about how cute everybody is.
Next thing I know, I'm going to formal with a girl Who nicknames me Joe and insists that I'm a virgo.
Really? I didn't know you were a virgo.
I'm not a virgo! If Tammy's as weird as she sounds, I beg you to keep her away from Julie.
I'm trying to make formal perfect for her, And I can't afford a freak show or an unprovoked nickname.
No, don't worry, Jason.
I don't care if Tammy is the daughter Of a friend of my mom's friend.
I cannot take this girl to formal.
What is that? What? Eli? Whoo! What's up, wingmen? Somebody just saw "Top Gun.
" Oh.
Yeah.
What's up with the minibike? Rented it.
They were out of crotch rockets, But I told that guy I couldn't fight the need The need for speed.
Guys, I had an epiphany last night.
I thought you had a date last night.
Yeah, I did.
She stood me up.
But honestly, it was the greatest thing That ever happened, 'cause I went to go see "Top Gun" by myself, And Maverick showed me the man I'm supposed to be, A man going Mach 2 with his hair on fire, Flipping Migs the bird, And the entire time, wearing awesome aviators.
Eli, everybody who sees "Top Gun" wants to be a pilot.
I'm not everyone.
That's true.
But don't you think you might be taking this a little too far? No.
In fact, I don't think I've taken it far enough.
Guys, you want to know why I spazzed And branded my own ass the night we got our bids? Or -- or why I ate pot brownies And thought I was a wolf for the entire night? Why I'm still a virgin? I think those questions are better left to a professional.
No.
No need for pros, man.
Maverick gave me the answer.
Okay, I'm unfocused! I need the structure and discipline Of the military to set me right.
Mm.
Which is why I signed up For the amphibious tactical warfare class.
Joel, it's an easy "A," And there's two days left till the add/drop deadline.
Do yourself a favor and pull up that sagging G.
P.
A.
Well Who told you my G.
P.
A.
was sagging? I know my wingman.
Besides, it'll get your mind off Christie, huh? Think about it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a minibike to return.
See you guys in the danger zone.
I got to get me one of these uniforms.
I mean, look at these guys.
They're all cool, they're proud, they're confident.
I mean, ten-hut! Look at these guys.
Civilians You're not permitted to stand.
"civilians.
" is she talking about us? Just be whatever she wants us to be.
Gentlemen, you have to earn the right to stand.
Sit.
Um, quick question -- Uh, where do I get one of those uniforms? Look around you.
Do you think we just let anyone wear stripes? Only members of the R.
O.
T.
C.
are issued uniforms.
Isn't that right, gentlemen? Yes, lieutenant! At ease.
Yes, civilian? Quick question -- uh, two-parter -- W-where do I sign up, and what is R.
O.
T.
C.
exactly? Let's just see if you pass the class first.
This Friday, you'll be expected to deliver an oral presentation On a significant amphibious conflict.
Until then, why don't you keep your mouth shut? Hmm?! See, that's the discipline I've been looking for.
Amphibious warfare?! I thought you said this was gonna be an easy "a.
" Cool your jets, goose.
She's just testing us.
Rook takes bishop.
This is nice.
Day one of our one-week sex ban.
Fresh air, broad daylight -- nothing erotic here.
Nope.
Just a little payback.
Queen takes rook.
you! I didn't even see that.
Hello rookie.
Hey, Tammy.
Oh! Good.
You're here.
I was just doing a dress rehearsal for my formal face.
Whoa! I know.
Tough decision.
Right? This side, I'm "Like A Virgin," And this side I'm "Desperately Seeking Susan.
" Oh, wait.
Before you decide, see it with the dress -- Desperate, virgin.
Desperate, virgin.
Whoa.
Tammy, Tammy, Tammy! Yeah? Actually, I need to talk to you about formal.
Oh, my God.
You're dumping me.
No.
No, no, no.
I'm not dumping you.
I was just -- God.
I just blew it, didn't I? I wanted it so bad, and I blew it! Oh, I'm so stupid! Oh, I'm stupid! I'm stupid! I'm stupid! Tammy, no, no, no.
Tammy, you're not -- you're not stupid.
Yes, I am.
I'm stupid and I'm sad.
I just -- this formal was supposed be The first ray of sunshine in my life Since Dr.
Morganson died.
why did you have to go, Dr.
Morganson? Your doctor died? No.
My cat.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Tammy, I-I had no idea.
how could you? oh, it just hurts so bad.
Ooh, I'm s-- I-- you know what, Tammy? I-I know that it hurts now, but -- But with time, you're gonna get through this.
I had a dog die in high school, and I totally understand.
You're so kind.
I don't deserve you.
Don't -- don't say that.
Oh! I'm sorry.
I just wish you didn't have to see me like this.
I'm so raw right now.
I'm sorry.
I interrupted you.
Um, you can go back to dumping me now.
What? No.
No, I wasn't -- I wasn't dumping you.
I was just saying You should go with "virgin.
" Yeah.
See you Saturday! Yeah? Yeah! Yay! Okay.
Don't step on my dress! I'm sorry.
Yay! Mm.
Virgin.
Eli, what's -- what's going on here? Oh, hey, man.
I've reconceived our project.
I just don't think we were doing the battle of Inchon justice.
But I stayed up all night making this poster board.
Do you really think magic markers and elmer's glue Are gonna impress lieutenant lang? Okay, this isn't arts and crafts, man.
All right? This is war.
And she already dismissed us as civilians.
Eli, we are civilians.
And w-what is Chang doing here? Sorry, Chang.
What's up, man? Hey, what's up, man? Special effects -- Follow spots, sound cues, pyrotechnics.
Okay, now I'm nervous.
Good.
A lot of people were nervous in Korea.
Use that.
Now, here are your lines.
Lines? What the hell is going on here?! Only the greatest civilian presentation You've ever seen, ma'am.
I smell the distinct aroma of gunpowder.
You do.
It's great, right? Hope you have my stripes ready.
Have a seat.
Are you giving me orders in my own classroom? No.
Just a suggestion.
Please put on this poncho? Okay.
What are you doing? Chang Lights.
September 15, 1950, Pusan perimeter, South Korea.
U.
N.
Forces gather under the command Of general Douglas MacArthur, Where they await his daring plan.
It was not a place For the timid.
Timid -- It wasn't the place for the timid! Huh! Ow! Chang's on fire! Chang! Chang you're on fire! My pants are on fire! Chang! Hey, why are you guys late? Eli just blew up Chang.
And my easy "A.
" Where? Somewhere off the coast of Korea.
I'm sorry, okay? I told you I'd take care of it.
All right.
Is Chang okay? Just some second-degree burns.
He's fine.
Oh, and to remind everyone, We will be attending this year's formal As the pro-american conservative youth.
So we have less than a day to prepare ourselves For an evening of right-wing revelry.
Yeah! Which is really just a fancy way of saying "no alcohol.
" We know what you're thinking -- Why not disguise ourselves as a group that can drink? My response -- what's the challenge in that? Hmm? Hector! You will notice that hector is modeling What appears to be an ordinary tuxedo.
However, we have retrofitted it with the necessary devices To properly enjoy the festivities.
Mr.
Reno, please.
Exhibit "A" -- What appears to be a common ballpoint pen Is, in fact, a common ballpoint pen Filled with the alcohol of your choice! Exhibit "B" -- the squirting boutonniere.
That's right, gentlemen.
This boutonniere is attached to a 9.
7-ounce booze bag.
Now, 9.
7 ounces wiget you drunk, But just in case, I'll be wearing two.
And exhibit "C," Which is a stroke of pure conservative genius -- What appears from the outside to the best-selling biography Of our nation's first lady Is, in fact, the "Just Say Nancy" flask! Just say tequila! Okay, gentlemen, and now for a special treat, One of our pledges is gonna give us the fundamentals Of american conservatism.
Gentlemen, I present to you Jason Wilson.
Get up here.
Of the Pennsylvania Wilsons.
That's right.
Thank you.
You know, as Reno spoke, it occurred to me That self-interest is one of the cornerstones Of conservative political philosophy.
So in many ways, the Omega Sigs Are the most conservative group I know.
Yeah.
Whoa! Hey, hey.
Whoa, whoa! Whoa, Hector.
Tequila! Come on.
Hold it up! Don't be a pussy.
Excuse me, ma'am? Miss -- madam? Madam? Sir? "Lieutenant"! Lieutenant.
Uh, permission to speak? Permission granted.
Ha! As long as you're not gonna Make me wear a little poncho.
Nope.
No more ponchos.
Um, I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.
I really crashed and burned on our project.
Let me ask you something, Feldman.
How many times have you seen "Top Gun"? I bet you make all your little friends call you Maverick, huh? I tried.
It didn't take.
You know why? Because you're not Maverick.
As a wise man once said, "I am what I am.
" General MacArthur.
No.
Popeye.
II want to fix who I am.
That's why I signed up for your class in the first place.
Still got a long way to go.
I know.
But I'm not here for me.
My friend Joel -- he's a good guy.
He doesn't deserve a bad grade for what I did.
Just don't punish him for my mistakePlease? Maybe you're not so far off as I thought.
You may have screwed up in the classroom, But you just did something right.
I did? Yep.
You fought for your buddy in the foxhole next to you.
That's what soldiers do.
Feldman You got potential.
Permission to get emotional, ma'am? Permission denied.
I'm gonna get you! By the way, coach says I've been pitching like a pro at practice.
I got an "A" on my slavic migration paper.
Looks like the sex ban is working.
Halfway through, and we're no longer slaves to our hormones.
But just in case, I'm taking the sofa tonight.
Hello.
Checking in? Yes, uh, Wilson Comma Jason.
Oh, Wilson -- Yes, there you are, you young conservative, you.
Okay.
You are room 225.
Wonderful.
And, uh, this is the honeymoon suite, correct? No, it's a standard double.
It's a really lovely room.
Standard double.
Uh-huh.
No, you see, I'm trying to create magic here.
You can't create magic in a standard double.
That's why I reserved the honeymoon suite.
Uh -- I -- Look.
Hey, take a look at that girl over there.
Does anything about her look standard? Or double? No, sir, I share your outrage.
I am so sorry.
There must have been some sort of clerical error here.
Um, could I mend fences and get you a fruit basket Or a continental breakfast? Only one.
I do not want to eat fruit in a standard double.
Okay, great.
So continental breakfast it is.
No Is everything okay, honey? Hey, sweetie.
Um There's been a slight glitch.
But have no fear.
You -- you go up to the room, and the magic shall resume.
I'm not worried.
And I'm sure it will.
Oh! You know what's fun? Glitter.
I've loved it my whole life.
You didn't bring any, did you? No.
Sorry.
I don't usually travel with glitter.
Psst! Got a young conservatives meeting in here.
That's code for pre-party! Come on, guys.
Get in here.
Joel, where's Eli? Oh, he said he'd be right here after the 4:30 showing of "Top Gun.
" Oh! Look! Shrimp! Ooh! Why don't you head on in there, And I'll, uh, take our luggage to the room? Okay, but you better miss me! Ooh! You know I will.
Be strong, jedi.
Hang in there.
oh, my God! Aah! Oh! What are you doing here?! What?! This is my room! What are you doing here?! Turn around and I'll tell you! Okay.
The pre-party's in my suite, So Annabel said I could change here.
That makes sense.
I think I should go.
I think that's a good idea! I'm gonna go.
Oh, God! I'm sorry.
On my way.
I'm still going.
I'm Uh, see you later.
You look great.
Ugh.
Hello? What's up, Izod? Hi.
Uh, I'm Jason Wilson.
Uh, it seems there's been a terrible mix-up.
Uh, I actually reserved this honeymoon suite For me and my girlfriend.
I'm trying to give her a night of paradise.
You know, and it's kind of hard in a standard double, so Do you think we could work something out? Sure.
Yeah, my fiancee and I Will just move out of the honeymoon suite On our wedding night.
Oh, you're getting married? You will cherish this day for the rest of your life.
So, still no chance we can work something out? What do you think? I think we have quite the Conundrum.
"Conundrum.
" Yeah, that's the second half of my band's name.
What's the first? Anal.
"Anal Conundrum"? That is catchy.
Hey, hey! Hi, honey.
I missed you.
Well, unfortunately, baby, we're still glitching.
Turns out the honeymoon suite is occupied By a soon-to-be-wed couple Which does make sense.
Um, of course it does, but you know what? We're going to make the best of it! You pour some champagne.
I will set the mood.
Okay.
Neon.
It is a mood.
You know what? The mood is fine.
Let's just have some bubbly.
Good idea.
Thinker.
Cheers, baby.
I love you.
Ah! It's good.
Mm-hmm.
Blackberry? Mmm! If you say so.
I do.
Dude, you look like you've just seen a ghost.
Something like that.
You remember how I told you I was trying to keep my mind off of Christie? Yeah.
I just saw her naked.
Oh, that's not good.
Unh-unh.
Unless it was good.
I don't know.
How do you feel about this? How do you think I feel? Embarrassed and confused.
Embarrassed Um, awkward.
Evening, gentlemen.
Hey.
hi.
Looking sharp, huh? Thank you.
Ahh.
Nice.
Someone is ready to party.
Joel, you'll be happy to know That I spoke to lieutenant Lang.
We got everything straightened out with your grades.
Aw, thanks, man.
Of course, man.
Did she give you that uniform? No.
No.
But she did say I had potential.
No, I actually got this bad boy From the same place I got my minibike.
Great store, by the way.
They got, like, everything there.
Well, it suits you.
By the way, Joel saw Christie naked.
What?! Are you serious? He's serious? Yeah.
Ohh, man, if I wasn't in uniform, I'd ask for details.
Does Damon know? Well, he didn't seem to know When we saw him the elevator with Christie.
Yeah, consider yourself lucky That you missed the most awkward elevator ride of all time.
man.
You know what? Guys, I got to go talk to her.
Yeah.
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
Hey.
Listen, about earlier -- You know, back -- back in the room with I'm really sorry.
I Yeah.
That wasUnexpected.
Yes.
That it was.
So, uh You think you're gonna tell Damon? I don't know how much good that would do.
Besides, I think there might be another way to deal with this.
Sure.
Yeah.
Anything.
I need to see you naked.
What? Joel, I'm kidding.
it's nothing.
You sure? Really? Okay, well, it's not nothing, But I think we should try to let it go.
There you are! Here he is.
Tammy, hey.
You know what song I love? "dancing with myself.
" But you know what I don't love doing? Dancing with myself.
So let's fix that.
Right now.
All right.
I'm waiting! She's waiting.
So, you just point, wink, blow my mind, And then leave me hanging? Apologies.
But that's what we call a flyby, miss Call me Janie.
Okay, I will.
Care for some punch Janie? See what I did? I called you Janie.
Ohh.
An officer and a man of his word.
You're dangerous.
That's right.
I am dangerous.
Ohh.
Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh.
You conservatives give me so much faith in America.
Aww.
And America has so much faith in you.
Oh, stop! I've got a wedding to officiate, ayou are making me blush.
Oh, stop it.
Stop it.
Honey, you stop it.
Devil.
Cuckoo! Cuckoo! This is crazy.
We are at a formal.
We should be dancing.
Yeah, but what about the ban on sex? You know where rhythmic body movements will lead us -- Right back in the sack.
Let's just face it -- We have intense physical chemistry.
So let's just give in to our bodies.
Let's.
Oh, yeah.
I love this song! Oh.
What are you doing? Dancing.
Why? Is it weird? No! Actually, I think we might have found the antidote To our sexual cravings.
Wait.
My dancing is the antidote? yes.
So if I have a test to study for, You dance, kill the mood, no sex! And if I have a game, I dance, You're repulsed Oh! No sex! Yes! Perfect.
It's the best of both worlds! Just don't do it when you're not supposed to.
Are you saying I should stop dancing now? If you want to have sex again.
I do.
Okay.
Have you ever seen "Top Gun"? Have you ever seen a Mig 28 do a 4g negative dive? Oh, that's classified, ma'am.
Permission to go below the hard deck? Permission granted.
So, when's the part when we make out? No, I'd love to, But I don't want to blow our conservative cover.
But I'm sad.
About my cat? I'm not sure making out would help.
That's pretty much not true.
It's basically exactly how I've gotten through These last six months.
Your cat died six months ago? Yeah, Joe.
I'm a slow healer.
Mm! Okay, I'm Gonna put my hands here.
Uh-huh.
Hands on elbows.
Uh-huh.
You like that? Yes.
Put them wherever you want.
Then I'm gonna move to the shoulders.
You like that right there? Uh-huh.
She's buzzing the tower.
I can't believe this is happening.
Oh, I am cleared for takeoff.
See? We don't need the Biltmore to do the foxtrot.
Hello, Izod.
Mr.
Conundrum! We're missing our maid of honor.
She's with your Navy friend.
Oh, Eli? Uh, I don't -- I don't know where he is.
Well, you better find him fast.
I got a wedding to rock at midnight.
I don't know what to say.
Um Maybe you could proceed without her.
Well, I don't know.
Could your night in paradise Proceed without Mrs.
Izod here? Let her go, please.
Or what? Or I will be forced to take decisive action.
Oh! Really? Go for it, man.
Get him! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey! You're messing with the wrong republican, lady! The wrong republican! Yeah! Are you ready? Oh, I've been ready for 18 years.
Make it like seven.
Let's go kick some conservative-youth ass! Oh, God.
They're fighting again.
"conservative youth.
" that's my fraternity! I got to go.
Go? My friends need me.
But I need you Now.
You have no idea how much I want you right now.
Uh-huh.
But this isn't about my struggle.
It's about my friends in the foxhole next to me.
Foxhole? ItWas a thing.
Oh.
I'll think of you often And inappropriately.
Stop it! Stop it! What kind of young conservatives are you?! You killed our minister! Bruce! Bruce, talk to me.
Come on, Brucey.
Wake it up, pal.
Ohh, Siegfried.
somebody, get me Siegfried, my little baby.
All right.
He's delirious.
I was a fool to think That this could substitute for the Biltmore.
Tonight was awful.
And -- and there's the fight.
Actually, Jason, that was the most romantic thing You've ever done for me.
You defended my honor.
I would take that over the Biltmore any night.
You guys see what I'm seeing? Oh, that's sad.
And a little weird.
There's just got to be something we can do.
Last year, When I decided to become an ordained minister Through an ad in the back of Rolling Stone magazine, I did it to bring people together And for a free subscription.
But my story is not why we're here.
Hard rockers Omega Sigs Delirious hotel manager, We are here tonight to celebrate love! You may kiss the bride.