Grounded For Life (2001) s01e07 Episode Script

Has it started? Walt: Yeah.
Tip off right now.
Oh.
Good, good, good, good.
Dad! The chair! Oh.
That's right.
Your lucky chair.
I forgot.
I lost my head.
Whoo! Ha ha.
Dad.
Your shirt's on inside-out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's for the Knicks.
It helps 'em win.
How? It's inside-out.
It's lucky.
How do you think they made the play-offs? I think my underpants are on inside out.
That's the spirit! Yeah! All right! Hey, ed.
All right.
You got the wings.
Yeah.
Hey.
Wait a minute, man.
You were supposed to bring the beer.
Oh.
I did.
Ok.
You know, the funny thing about the word "beer" is that it can mean many.
Or just one.
Go heat! Aw! Gee.
Come on.
No way, man.
There's no way you're sittin' here rootin' for the heat in this house tonight.
I happen to like the heat.
Oh.
Yeah.
Name one of their players.
Number 30.
Dude, you're pathetic.
Where's Claudia? She, uh, went to Jersey with Lily for the weekend.
They're going to the outlet malls.
I wish they'd told me.
I need v-necks.
Well.
They're not really going to the malls to shop.
You know, Claudia just felt that they should be spending time together.
It's important to me to spend time alone with Lily.
We're not close anymore.
Remember when we used to be such good friends? Mommy? We're gonna be the bestest friends forever.
That's right, sweetie.
Mommy.
Will you marry me? Why don't we just live together? You two are still close.
I mean, not marrying close, but close.
You are clueless.
Lily and I might as well live on different planets.
And I realized my father never really told me how he felt about it.
That was the first and only time I've ever seen him cry.
Oh, my god.
My lips are fat! Do my lips look fat? You don't have fat lips.
Why do I have to have fat lips? Can I ask you something? Well.
Of course, honey.
I mean, Michelle's having that big party tonight.
I don't know if she even really wants me to come.
Why wouldn't she want you to come? You're great.
Everybody loves you.
Yeah But I wouldn't know what to wear anyway.
You know what? You could wear that pink tank top with the little rhinestones Mom! I'm on the phone.
So, you really think this weekend in New Jersey is gonna help things? Mmm.
A trip to Hawaii would be better, but we can afford Jersey.
Claudia: Hey.
Godspeed.
Oh.
Make sure Satan belts up.
Yeah! So, the girls are gonna go down there, do a little shopping, you know, check into a hotel, order room service in their pajamas, you know, whatever girls like to do.
Yeah.
Go to the bathroom together, try on each other's underwear.
That kind of stuff.
All right, camby! Way to SWAT that thing! Eddie: Yeah.
Come on! Go! Go! Hey, dad.
Hey, Lily.
You guys are home early.
Not mom.
Just me.
What? Where's your mother? Back in New Jersey where she ruined my life.
Oh.
I need $150.
Why? The cab.
You took a cab back from New Jersey? He's waiting.
Eddie.
Where the hell did you get $150 cash? Well.
I don't ask you where you get your money.
I got a job.
I didn't ask.
What did you do with my mother? Sean: Oh.
Henry.
Henry.
It's ok.
Lily.
Where's mom? Why are you so worried about her? She has a car.
I'm the one who was forced to take a cab.
Hey.
No one forced you to take a cab.
Hey.
I didn't ask to be born.
Oh.
Hey.
Whoa.
Lily.
Lily.
Come on.
What the hell happened? You two were supposed to be having fun.
We did have fun.
At first.
Come on out, lil.
I look stupid.
I'm sure you don't.
Come on.
Whoa.
What? Look at you.
Shut up.
No.
You look hot.
Really? Yes.
Can I get it? No.
Why not? You look hot.
Ok.
Get it.
Sweet.
But you're getting a huge sweater to go over it.
It's not like you have anything to worry about, mom.
Boys don't even notice I exist.
Oh.
You're being ridiculous.
You're beautiful.
Unzip me.
Fine.
Yeah.
Right.
That's why I'm 15, and I haven't You know.
You haven't? You know.
Had sex? Yeah.
Ok.
Being a virgin is not a bad thing.
It's a good thing.
A very good thing.
It's a great thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Believe me.
I know.
You should be proud.
How old were you, mom? We're not talking about me.
How old? Miss? Do do you have this in green? You were 15, weren't ya? Look at those socks.
Mom! And she completely avoided the question.
Lily.
I'm very, very pleased you're still a virgin.
Dad.
That is so not the point.
Ah.
It would be if you weren't.
You're as bad as mom.
I'm trying to tell you what happened here.
Ok.
Ok.
I'm sorry.
All right.
Go ahead.
Ok.
So, we got to our hotel, and I ran into some friends of mine from school.
Really good friends.
What's your name again? Donna? Lily.
Aren't you a ninth grader? Yeah.
Yeah.
You guys are cheerleaders, right? Yeah.
I'm thinkin' of goin' out for the squad next year.
Well.
You kinda have to be asked.
Oh.
Hey, did you guys have sister Catherine last year? Yeah.
What a cow.
Oh.
I heard her screaming through the hallways the other day.
I made her do that.
She fell asleep at her desk, and I stapled her veil to a chair.
Awesome.
Good job.
Thanks.
Hey.
Uh, you want to run across the highway and get burgers with us? Yeah.
Sure.
Hey.
You ready to grab some dinner? Um, you know, I'm I'm not hungry.
Oh.
Ok.
Hi.
Um, Mia, Cindy, this is my mom.
So, uh, we're gonna go across the highway and get some hamburgers, ok? I thought you just said you weren't hungry.
Bye.
Oh.
Wait, wait, wait.
Don't you want your jacket? Mom! Oh.
That was so rude.
Tell me about it.
I was just trying to have a conversation with these girls, and mom just barged in.
No.
I was talking about you.
Dad.
They were eleventh grade cheerleaders.
Eleventh grade cheerleaders? Oh, my god.
I'm sorry.
You should have said that in the first place.
Wow.
Sure.
Take her side.
No.
I'm being serious.
Eleventh grade cheerleaders.
Whoo! They've got spirit.
Be aggressive, be be aggressive Whoo! Be aggressive, oh! Go, team All right! Heat! Look.
Just stop it, all right? I know you're just doin' that to bug the hell outta me.
Who loves the heat more than me? Uh, heat fans.
Why do you like the heat so much? I don't know.
They speak to me.
Oh.
You know? You know why? 'Cause I'm rootin' for the Knicks.
All right, Jimmy? So, he roots for the pacers or the celtics or the blazers.
Hey.
Those are my teams.
Oh, god.
Hey, all right, Lily.
Come on.
I'll help you.
I'll help you.
All right.
Look, seriously, all eleventh grade cheerleaders aside Did you have to dump your mom? Yes.
Don't you get it? These are the cool people.
If I could be associated with them, I'd be set for the rest of high school.
High school boys are such losers.
Dorks.
Lame-ohs.
That's why I'm only gonna date college guys from now on.
College guys totally rock.
How do you know? I dated one.
Seriously? Uh-huh.
Where does he go? Rutgers.
Did you guys do it? Yeah.
Oh, my god.
That is so cool.
I know.
And they bought it? Why wouldn't they buy it? I'm mature.
Oh.
You know, that's it.
I mean, I just think you're so mature.
You wouldn't date a college guy.
You'd probably date a doctor or a lawyer or or a senator, or or a baron.
Dad.
Stop it.
Like like, the baron's gonna take me sailing around the world if I get a "b" in algebra, but if I get a "c," he told me we can only sail to Aruba.
Ok.
Ok.
I don't care if you buy it.
They bought it.
What else can we order? Onion rings? Ew.
I don't want him to think that I eat onion rings.
It doesn't matter what we order.
What matters is getting that waiter back up here.
He's so hot! I know! Just a minute.
It's open.
Oh.
Just my mom.
Hi, girls.
Mom, what are you doing here? I thought you were having dinner by yourself.
Yeah.
I did.
What are you guys doing? Nothing.
I guess we can go hang out by the brochure rack.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Waiter: Room service.
You called down for mustard and a fork? Yeah.
Y-y-yeah.
I guess we did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We did.
Yeah.
We need mustard.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Wait.
There's one other little something.
I was um That light h-has really been flickering.
Oh.
I'll call maintenance.
Well.
Couldn't you just take it out for us? I'm scared.
Ok.
Um, it seems fine.
Oh, yeah.
It's excellent.
What? Just screw it back in.
Do you know how many girls would be jealous of your life? You just sexually harassed a waiter with your mom.
How cool is that? It's not cool.
Mom was stealing my friends.
I was in the spotlight, and she grabbed it away from me.
No.
No.
She did not grab the spotlight from you.
She just shined it on some hotel dude's butt.
Oh! It's like it's like talking to a freaking brick! Oh! Oh! Heat! Oh! Ohh.
So, how's Lily? I don't know.
It's hard to talk to her.
Yeah.
Well.
She's lucky to have a father who cares enough to try.
Thanks, dad.
What's on your hand? Hmm? Oh.
That's bleu cheese.
Sorry.
Oh.
Ooh! And the heat score Get back in your lucky chair, Sean! Chair! I want the chair! Wait.
Oh, whoa.
Whoa.
The Knicks are at the line.
Come on, everybody sit on their hands.
Sean: Come on.
Come on.
Not me, dad.
I'm rootin' for the heat.
What? Yeah.
They're they're cooler.
Their name's cooler, their uniform's cooler I mean, come on.
What's a "knick"? Jimmy.
Knick knick stands for knickerbocker, and they were the first Dutch settlers in Manhattan, and they were cool because, um Uh, uh, they swindled the Indians.
Sean: Yeah.
And they put buckles on everything.
Yeah, and one of them had a wooden leg.
Yeah.
Go knickerbockers! That's my man! Yeah! Knickerbockers! You sided with a bunch of losers there, Henry.
Ah.
No.
You didn't, Henry.
Don't listen to him.
Shut up, Eddie.
Where the hell is she? Uh, uh, she's here.
She's safe.
No.
She's not safe.
Go Dutch settlers! That's my man! Ha ha ha! Yeah! Whoa! Knicks suck! All right, Jimmy.
Uh, it's your bedtime.
Why doesn't Henry have to go to bed? He's Younger.
That doesn't make any sense.
All right.
All right.
He's rootin' for the Knicks, ok? Well, Jimmy.
You know what the heat has that the Knicks lack? I'll tell you.
It's class.
Look at pat Riley.
Look at his hair.
That's class hair.
No, no, Knicks The Knicks have history.
Let me take you back to the 8th of may, 1970 Game 7 of the nba finals against wilt Chamberlain and the evil Los Angeles Lakers, and the Madison square garden faithful are hopin', but they know they just have a thin shred of hope because Willis Reed is out.
Chamberlain laughs.
"Ha ha ha ha.
I can score 100 points in a game.
No Reed.
Ha ha ha.
" The laugh of confidence that only a man who slept with 25,000 women can have, you know what I mean? But wait! Who's that hobblin' from the Knicks locker room? It is Willis Reed! Whoo! He shoots.
Oh.
A beautiful follow-through.
And there's Chamberlain.
And it's the greatest moment of my life.
That was 1970.
You were 2.
Oh, yeah.
Well, me and dad saw the highlights on sports center a couple days ago.
Oh.
Hey.
You guys straighten anything out? She saw me coming, locked herself in the bathroom, and turned on the blow dryer.
Oh, oh, blow dryer.
That could take a while.
She thinks she can wait me out.
No way.
I took her on this nice weekend.
It was supposed to be special.
How did she reward me? She abandoned me.
So, can I buy you a drink? Oh.
No, thanks.
I have one.
You're very beautiful.
Thank you.
That's nice.
Oh, ok.
Look, um I've obviously never done anything like this before, and I thought maybe you could tell me How to go about it.
Go about what? Well, uh, come on, you know Paying For company? Eww.
What? Get away from me! Right get outta here! I am sorry.
I am sorry.
What is wrong with you? Get away from me right now! Shh! Shh! Move! Go! I'm leaving! How much you think you could have charged him? I'm gonna start charging you.
It was disgusting.
Couldn't you figure out something else to do? I didn't want to figure out something else to do.
I wanted to be with Lily.
Oh, ok.
So you seduced the room service guy.
She told you about that, huh? Mm-hmm.
What were you thinkin'? Oh.
I was thinking if her friends thought I was cool, maybe she would, too.
Just because he's on the lacrosse team he thinks he owns me.
Mmm.
He is such a creep.
Mmm.
Do guys ever change? Well, they get heavier.
What do you think, Lily? I think it's really hot in here.
Maybe we should go.
My hair's starting to frizz up a little.
Come on.
She's talking about the guy at rutgers.
Oh, my god.
The guy at rutgers.
What was his name? Uh, can we go? My skin's turning to leather.
Donny.
Donny Francis.
He played clarinet at band camp.
No.
No.
No.
So, your college guy went to band camp? College? No.
No, no.
He was 13.
Mom.
Mia: We knew you weren't doing some college guy.
You are such a liar.
Hey.
You can believe whatever you want, ok? Uh-huh.
Yeah.
That's right.
You know, she is cool with who she is, and Lily is proud to be a virgin.
Lily.
Wait.
Lying freshman.
Cheerleading bitches! Unh! Lily! You outed her? I didn't mean to.
I I tried to find her to apologize, but she wasn't anywhere, so I just went back to the room.
Lily? Honey, is that you? I'm really, really sorry, sweetie.
I totally misunderstood the situation, which, if you think about it, is really kind of funny.
Right, lil? Lily.
Where's the suitcase? She took the suitcase! Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, I really like your robe.
Yeah.
Can I buy you a drink? No drinks.
Miss.
Miss.
The the bathrobe is property of the hotel.
Yeah.
Good to know.
Yo! Valet! I'm sor i don't have my purse.
I Um.
I can probably find some change or s-something.
Hold on.
I'm sorry.
That's ok.
What? Go on through.
Oh, my You are a pig.
You're a pig.
It's not funny.
It was degrading and Drafty.
Lily: Oh, poor you.
Suddenly you don't like the attention? What? You stole my friends, you humiliated me, and you ruined my reputation.
Your reputation as a slut? Yes.
That reputation.
Oh.
Well, if it'll make you feel better, I can go down to the shell station and write your number on the men's room wall! Dad! Are you just gonna sit here and let her say those things to her only daughter? Ok! W-w-w-whoa.
Ok.
Both of you, ok, made mistakes.
All right.
You, Claudia, you exposed your daughter as a a virgin.
Ok? And you, young lady, exposed your mother to basically everybody on the Jersey turnpike.
But, um What we try to do in life is accept that other people can make mistakes as can we, and so, what we strive to be better in the eyes of, um Just go watch your basketball game.
Thanks.
Ok, fine.
I blew it.
I thought we could spend this nice weekend together and be friends again like we used to be.
My mistake.
Mom.
Why don't you stop trying to be my friend and start trying to be my mom? I think you're right.
Go to your room.
I thought we were friends.
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
Ooh! I love you.
Come on! Whoo-hoo! Go Knicks! Go Knicks! Hey.
Hey.
Did you guys work everything out? Yep.
I grounded her.
Nice.
Hey.
Shouldn't you guys be going to bed? Baby.
There's only Defense! Defense! Sprewell's got it! He's gonna shoot! Yeah! All right! Let's go! Let's go! Number one! Number one! Yes! In your face! In your face! Uncle Eddie, our team lost.
That's right.
Your team lost 'cause they suck, and our team won, and your heat lost.
Ha ha ha ha.
My heat? What do I care about the heat? Oh, no, no, no, no.
Don't you pull that, man.
You've been sittin' there all night pointin' your finger at me and at the Knicks and takin' jabs, man.
No.
Your team lost, and you're gonna suffer.
Whatever you say, seanie.
I'm devastated.
Hey, Claudia, will you take the boys upstairs? 'Cause I'm gonna kick my brother's ass.
It's about time.
Unh! Come on, bro.
You know, you're just You're not a gracious winner.
Dad! Dad! He's mine! I'm gonna kick your I'm gonna kick your You're like, oh, you Whoa! Whoa! Come on.
Dad! I got the blanket! Get him! Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Announcer: Up next, world soccer.
The U.
S.
team battles it out against Nigeria.
Let's go, Nigeria.
Oh, come on, man.
You don't want Nigeria.
Like, Nigeria is, like, one of my top countries.
Oh! You're such a liar.
You don't know Jack about Nigeria.
Nigeria.
What's the capital? Lagos.
Ok.
How'd you know that? How did you not know that? Announcer: Alifokpa passes to okundi! There's the shot! Goal! Whoa! Touchdown! Oh, I'll kill you!