Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e07 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
HE'S MIXING
WITH THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GAME
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
DELAY THE MYSTERY
CAN ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREA
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FINALLY MEETS CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- THIS NEW TRUCK IS
THE PRIDE OF WEST FINSTER.
GOES ANYWHERE
AND CAN HANDLE ANYTHING.
- EH, SOUNDS LIKE ME.
- AND THE SIREN--
WHY, YOU CAN HEAR
THE SIREN 3 MILES AWAY.
- HEY, THAT'S KIND
OF LIKE MY SINGING.
- HEY! CAN I SLIDE
DOWN THE POLE?
- WELL, YOUNG MAN,
NOT EVERYBODY GETS
TO SLIDE DOWN THE POLE.
BUT SINCE YOUR GRANDPA
AND I ARE SUCH OLD FRIENDS,
I'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION.
BUT YOU HAVE TO
OBEY THE RULES.
- OH, YES, SIR!
- YEESH!
- NOW, YOU HAVE TO BE
VERY QUIE
BECAUSE THE FIREMEN
SLEEP UP HERE.
- [SNORING]
- YES, SIR.
- THE SLIGHTEST ALARM
WILL WAKE THEM UP.
- [LOUD SNORING]
- BOY, WISH I COULD
SLEEP LIKE THAT.
I HAVEN'T HAD A GOOD NIGHT'S
SLEEP IN A WEEK.
- NOW, WATCH ME, IGGY.
COME ON, IGGY.
IT'S EASY.
- WHEEEEE!
- HEY, NICE HAT.
[IMITATES SIREN]
- FAKING AN ALARM, HUH?
YOU'VE HAD IT, KID!
WHOA-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!
- WHAT WAS THAT?
- YOU!
- [RASPBERRY]
- THAT'S IT!
NOW I'M REALLY FOAMING!
WHAT'S WITH THIS THING?
- [LAUGHS] THAT OUGH
TO COOL YOU OFF.
- OOF!
- WAAH!
OW!
- WHAT'S ALL THIS NOISE?
SMOKEY?! CHASING A BOOT?
- EEYAH-HA-HA-HO!
- [LAUGHS]
- [MUTTERING]
- GET THAT CAT OUTTA--
OOF! HERE.
NOW I'M REALLY
BURNING UP.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- [COUGHING]
TAKE YOUR CA
AND GET OUT OF HERE.
- IGGY'S ALL TUCKED IN.
HEATHCLIFF
IS IN DREAMLAND.
LET'S GO UPSTAIRS
TO SLEEP, GRANDPA.
- [HUMMING]
NOW FOR A LITTLE
MIDNIGHT SNACK.
MMM.
A LATE SHOW ON TV
- [SNORING]
- OH, NO. HE'S GONNA
RUIN MY SNACK!
- [MUMBLING]
- THE OLD GUY'S
WALKING IN HIS SLEEP!
[RRRRRRING]
- [MUMBLES]
TELEPHONE.
I'LL GET IT.
UH, HELLO?
HELLO?
HELLO!
SOMETHING'S FISHY
AROUND HERE.
[SNORES]
[DOOR OPENS]
- [GULP]
OH, NO!
HE'S GOING OUTSIDE.
- GRASS GETTING
AWFULLY TALL.
TIME TO MOW.
[SNORES]
- MOWING THE LAWN?
- IT'S A ROUGH JOB,
BUT SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO IT.
[SNORING]
HMMGRASS IS DAMP.
GRASS IS DRY HERE.
- UH-OH. HE'S REALLY
ROLLING NOW!
- ROUGH GROUND.
VERY BUMPY.
- NOW WHAT?
[MUFFLED GROAN]
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
- MOWER IS OUT OF BALANCE.
GOTTA FIX THAT.
- H-HE'S GOING
OVER THE EDGE!
- MUCH SMOOTHER.
JUST HOW IT OUGHT TO BE.
ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.
TIME TO RELAX
AND UNWIND.
- [PANTING] I CAN'T TAKE
MUCH MORE OF THIS.
OH, YIPES!
- COOKIE, PERHAPS?
THESE COOKIES
ARE SLIPPERY.
NOW TO SETTLE DOWN
WITH A GOOD BOOK
MY FAVORITE CHAIR
WH-WHERE'S THAT PULL-CORD
FOR MY LAMP?
- [BOING] OOK-OOK.
[BOING]
- AND FINALLY MY PIPE.
- WHEW! [PANTING]
[SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF]
SMOKE?!
FIRE?!
YEOW!
AHH, THE AROMA.
NOTHING LIKE A GOOD PIPE
AFTER A HARD DAY'S WORK.
- YEOW!
- KITTY? OH, I'M FINE.
HOW ARE YOU?
IT'S A LITTLE WARM
FOR THIS TIME OF YEAR,
DON'T YOU THINK?
YES, I DO BELIEVE
IT'S UNSEASONABLY WARM.
[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]
[HEATHCLIFF MUTTERING
EXCITEDLY]
- OHH, HEATHCLIFF,
I AM TRYING TO SLEEP.
[SLAM]
- [IMITATING FIRE TRUCK SIREN]
- WHAT IS IT,
HEATHCLIFF?
FIRE!
GRANDMA! GRANDPA!
- [SNIFFING] DINNER?
DO I SMELL DINNER
COOKING?
- OH, QUICK, IGGY. LET'S
TAKE GRANDPA OUTSIDE.
WAKE UP, GRANDPA.
- [MEOWING URGENTLY]
- AH, ANOTHER BLASTED
PRANK CALL.
- [IMITATING FIRE TRUCK SIREN]
[MEOWING URGENTLY]
[SNORING]
[PUFFING]
DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!
DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!
- IT'S THAT BLASTED
NUTMEG CAT CAUSING
MORE TROUBLE.
- SMOKEY! WE NEED HELP!
THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!
- YEAH, SURE!
YOU'RE A GOOD ONE
FOR FALSE ALARMS.
- WAIT.
UH, BELIEVE ME,
THIS IS FOR REAL.
- WHO WOULD BELIEVE YOU?!
- OH, BOY.
HAVE I LEARNED A LESSON.
I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
[STARTS SIREN]
- ROWF! ROWF!
- WHAT'S GOING ON?!
- ROW-ROW-ROWFF!
- OH, NO! THERE IS A FIRE.
COME ON, SLIM!
- NO, GRANDPA,
YOU CAN'T GO IN!
- WH-WHAT ABOUT DINNER?
[SIREN]
BUT I'M STILL HUNGRY.
- NUTMEG, GO SIT DOWN.
- UH!
- MA'AM, EVERYTHING
IS UNDER CONTROL.
NOW LET'S WAKE UP
OLD NUTMEG.
TURN ON THE WATER, SLIM.
- IS DINNER READY YET?
- NOW TURN IT OFF.
- HUH? WHERE--WHERE AM I?
- HOORAY!
- AT LAST! HE'S AWAKE!
- YOU WERE SLEEPWALKING,
GRANDPA.
- AND HAVING
A NICE DREAM
UNTIL HEATHCLIFF
WOKE ME UP.
- WAIT, THAT CA
SAVED YOUR LIFE.
- BALONEY!
- I WILL NEVER, NEVER SE
ANOTHER FALSE ALARM
AS LONG AS I LIVE.
NOW GET OUTTA MY FACE, FISH.
[YAWNING]
I NEED SOME SLEEP.
- IF THERE'S ONE THING
A COOL CAT LIKE ME KNOWS
IT'S HOW TO TREAT A LADY.
[SNIFF SNIFF]
AH-CHOO!
HMM.
THEY JUST DON'T MAKE
FLOWERS LIKE THEY USED TO.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- COULD YOU GET THAT, BUSH?
- IT JUST BETTER NOT BE
ONE OF THOSE MANGY CATS.
- CATS? PERISH THE THOUGHT.
I'M HERE
FROM THE DISCO ACADEMY
TO GIVE YOU
A FREE DEMONSTRATION.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
- YAHOO!
- GEE. THAT WAS FUN.
SIGN ME UP.
- AND FOR YOU, MY SWEET,
A BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET.
- I THINK THAT BUSH'S GIF
WAS A BETTER DEAL.
BUT IF YOU REALLY FEL
LIKE GIVING ME SOMETHING--
SOMETHING
TO BRIGHTEN MY DAY
- ANYTHING, CLEO.
YOU NAME IT.
- A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS
WOULD PROBABLY DO THE TRICK,
AN ELEGANT BOUDOIR
FOR THE LADY.
- NO PROBLEM, SUGAR.
BY TONIGHT,
YOU'LL FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE SLEEPING
ON A CLOUD.
- OHH, RIFFY, YOU'RE THE MOS
WONDERFUL CAT I KNOW.
- YEAH, AND I'D FEEL
A LOT MORE WONDERFUL
IF I KNEW WHERE I COULD FIND
ONE OF THOSE OVERSTUFFED COTS.
[STATIC AND SQUEALING]
- HEY, HECTOR, WHAT'S
HAPPENING HERE?
OUR CAR RADIO'S
A PAIN IN THE EAR.
- YOU'RE TELLING ME!
- DON'T WORRY, GUYS.
I GOT US A NEW CAR RADIO
FROM LEROY'S SIDE OF THE DUMP.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHOOPS!
- ALL RIGHT,
YOU CREEPY CATS.
I WANT MY RADIO BACK,
AND I WANT IT NOW.
- I HOPE THAT WAS
FAST ENOUGH FOR YA.
- JUST WAIT TILL MY COUSIN
MERVYN McMUTT GETS HERE.
- LET'S CHANGE
THE CHANNEL.
- I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY
ANYTHING ON HIM.
- OH, WE CAN HARDLY WAIT.
- GRRRR!
- MERVYN!
AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
- OH, BOY.
WE'RE GONNA GET TO MEE
THE LITTLE McMUTT HIMSELF.
COUSIN LEROY.
- WELL, COUSIN MERVYN,
IT HAS TO DO
WITH SOME CATS.
- CATS?!
I HATE CATS.
- I THINK THA
WAS OUR CUE.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!
- OOH! OOH!
I KNOW YOU GUYS
ARE GLAD TO SEE ME
BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
- LE-LE-LEROY'S
COUSIN'S HERE.
- AND HE'S AS BIG
AS A BEAR.
- SOUNDS INTERESTING.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
- [WHISTLING A TUNE]
- THERE YA GO, MERVYN.
YOU CAN'T SAY I DON'
TREAT MY GUESTS WITH STYLE.
- NOT BAD, LEROY.
NOT BAD.
- WHAT LUCK.
THAT BED'S EXACTLY
WHAT CLEO HAD IN MIND.
NOW LISTEN, GUYS,
I'VE GOT A PLAN.
- UHHARE YOU SURE
THIS PLAN'S GONNA WORK?
- DON'T WORRY, MUNGO.
RIFF RAFF SAID
IT'S FOOLPROOF.
- OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
LOOK.
THERE THEY ARE.
BLBLBLBLBLBLBL!
- BLBLBLBL!
- NYAH-NYAH-NYAH
NYAH-NYAH-NYAH!
- GRRRR!
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
- BLBLBLBLBLBL!
- COME ON, LEROY.
LET'S CAUSE
A CAT-ASTROPHE.
- HEY, IT'S WORKING,
JUST LIKE RIFF RAFF SAID.
- GRRR!
- BUT, UH, UH,
WHAT DO WE DO NEXT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
RIFF RAFF DIDN'T SAY.
- I GOT AN IDEA.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
- WHOA!
- OHH, DOGGIES
THANKS FOR THE BED.
- [OUT OF BREATH] RIFF RAFF,
I THOUGHT THIS PLAN
WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE FOOLPROOF.
WHAT WENT WRONG?
- NOTHIN'. WHILE YOU GUYS
WERE DISTRACTING THE DOGS,
I GOT THE BED.
- WE'LL GET YOU YET.
- [PANTING]
- HURRY UP, GUYS.
THEY'RE GAINING ON US.
- COME ON, MERVYN!
WE'RE GAINING ON 'EM!
- OOF!
- WAY TO GO, RIFF RAFF!
- YEAH! WE DID IT!
[ALL CHEERING]
- YAY!
- AND CLEO'S
MUSIC STORE IS DEAD AHEAD.
- WHOA!
- TA-DA!
WELL, CLEO,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- OHH, RIFFY,
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
NOWALL IT NEEDS
IS A FANCY QUILT COMFORTER,
AND IT'LL BE PERFECT!
- A WHAT?
- A COMFORTER.
LIKE THIS.
- DON'T WORRY, CLEO.
WE'LL
- TAKE CARE OF IT.
- OHH, RIFFY.
- SORRY ABOUT THE BED,
MERVYN.
BUT I DO HAVE THIS.
- THIS MUS
BE MY LUCKY DAY.
THERE'S THE COMFORTER.
- CHARGE!
- STOP IT.
- YEOWWWW!
GRRR!
RUFF! RUFF!
NOT SO FAST,
KITTY WHISKERS.
- WAY TO GO, MUNGO!
[ALL GROWLING]
- HEY! WE'RE GAINING GROUND
ON THE HOUND.
- NOT FOR LONG!
- OOF!
- HOLD ON, MERVYN.
- WHOA!
- OOH!
- RIFF RAFF!
DO SOMETHING!
- SURE THING, HECTOR.
WILL THIS DO?
[TIRES SCREECHING]
- NO CAT CAN GET THE BES
OF ME, MERVYN McMUTT!
- WELL, I GUESS THERE'S
A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING.
- HANG ON, LEROY.
WE'RE GOIN' FOR A RIDE.
- OH, SO THEY WANNA
PLAY ROUGH, DO THEY?
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[ALL YELLING]
- HA HA HA!
I GUESS WE SHOWED
THOSE CATS, EH, LEROY?
- [SCREAMING]
- [SCREAMING]
- NOTHING TO IT, RIGHT?
- WRONG.
- HERE I COME, CLEO.
- UH-OH. HANG ON.
- WHOA!
- WHAT?
- SO, CLEO.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- ALL RIGHT,
WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU,
RIFF RAFF,
AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE
ANY MORE.
NOW GET OUT.
AND STAY OUT.
YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL
WITH THESE CATS.
YOU GIVE 'EM AN INCH,
AND THEY'LL TAKE A MILE.
- SORRY
IF MY INTERIOR DECORATING
TURNED OUT TO BE INTERIOR
DESTRUCTION INSTEAD.
- AW, THAT'S OK, RIFFY.
IT'S THE THOUGH
THAT COUNTS.
- GUESS I'M JUS
A DREAMER.
- [SNORING]
- LOOKS LIKE I'M
NOT THE ONLY ONE.
HA HA HA HA.
- YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
FOR ME.
MMM.
- LIKEWISE, SNOOKUMS.
HA HA HA HA HA!
IF YOU'RE TRAVELING
BY AIR WITH YOUR DOG,
HERE'S A FEW GOOD TIPS.
FIRST, MAKE SURE YOUR DOG
HAS A GOOD MEAL TO EAT.
NEXT, IT'S IMPORTANT TO
FULLY EXERCISE YOUR DOG.
GO FOR IT, BIG FELLA!
OK, THAT'S GOOD!
NOW, LET YOUR DOG GE
USED TO THE CRATE,
THAT HE OR SHE WILL
BE TRAVELING IN.
AND DON'T FORGE
TO BRING PROOF
THAT YOUR DOG HAS
HAD ALL OF HIS SHOTS, TOO.
HAVE A GOOD TRIP, SPIKE!
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THE NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THERE AIN'T NO MYSTERY
THEY'LL ALWAYS HAVE
ANOTHER FINE TIME ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- COOKIE JAR!