Home Movie: The Princess Bride (2020) s01e07 Episode Script
Chapter Seven: The Pit of Despair
1
Yes, yes, you're very smart. Shut up.
Smart, smart, smart, smart, smart?
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
- Where am I?
- [RASPY VOICE]: The Pit of Despair.
Don't
[CLEARING THROAT]
[NORMAL VOICE]: Don't even
think about trying to escape.
Your chains are on far too thick.
And don't even dream about
being rescued neither.
The only way in is secret.
Only the Prince, the Count, and I know.
So I'm here till I die.
Till they kill ya, yeah.
So why bother curing me?
The Prince and the Count always
insist on everyone being healthy
before they break you.
Hmm, so it's to be torture.
I can cope with torture.
Don't believe me?
You survived the Fire Swamp.
You must be very brave.
But no one withstands The Machine.
GRANDPA: "Before the following dawn,
Buttercup and Humperdinck were married."
[BUGLE PLAYING FANFARE]
My father's final words were
GRANDSON: Hold it. Hold it, Grandpa.
She marries Westley. I'm sure of it.
She doesn't marry Humperdinck.
That wouldn't be fair.
Well, who says life is fair?
Where is that written? Life isn't fair.
I'm telling you, you're
messing up the story.
Now get it right!
You want me to go on with this?
Yes.
All right, then, no more interruptions.
My father's final words were,
"Love her as I loved her
and there will be joy."
I present to you your queen!
[MAJESTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Boo!
Boo!
Boo!
- Why do you do this?
- Because you had love in your hands
and you gave it up.
But they would have killed
Westley if I hadn't done it.
Your true love lives,
and you marry another!
True love saved her in the Fire Swamp,
and she treated it like garbage.
That's what she is, the Queen of Refuse.
So bow down to her, if you want.
Bow to the Queen of Slime,
the Queen of Filth, the
Queen of Putrescence.
Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth!
Slime! Muck!
Boo! Boo! Boo !
[GASPS]
GRANDPA: "It was 10
days till the wedding.
The King still lived but
Buttercup's nightmares
were growing steadily worse."
- GRANDSON: See, didn't I tell you?
- GRANDPA: Yes, yes, you're very smart.
- Shut up.
- And
It comes to this. I love Westley.
I always have and I know
now that I always will.
If I must marry you in 10 days,
please believe that that
I will be dead by morning.
I could never cause you grief.
Consider our wedding off.
Did you return this Westley to his ship?
Yes.
We'll simply alert him.
Beloved, I suggest a deal.
You write four copies of a letter.
I will get my four fastest ships
and will send them in each direction.
The Dread Pirate Roberts is always
close to Florin this time of year.
We'll run up the white flag
and deliver the message.
If Westley still wants you
bless you both.
If not
please, consider me as an alternative
to suicide.
Are we agreed?
My Westley will always come for me.
COUNT RUGEN: Your Princess really
is quite a winning creature.
A trifle simple perhaps,
but her appeal is undeniable.
I know. The people
are quite taken with her.
It's odd, but when I hired Vizzini
to have her murdered
on our engagement day,
I thought that was clever.
But it's going to be so much more moving
- when I strangle her on our wedding night.
- [CHUCKLES]
Once Guilder is blamed, the entire
nation will be truly outraged.
They'll demand we go to war.
Now where is that secret knot?
It's impossible to find.
Ah. [CREAKING]
Are you coming down into the Pit?
Westley has got his strength back.
I'm starting him on The Machine tonight.
Tyrone, you know I
love watching you work.
But I've got my country's
500th anniversary to plan,
a wedding to arrange, my wife to murder,
and Guilder to frame for it.
I'm swamped.
Get some rest.
If you haven't got your health,
you haven't got anything.
♪
Beautiful, isn't it?
It took me half a lifetime to invent it.
I'm sure you've discovered my
deep and abiding interest in pain.
[MOANS]
At present, I'm writing the
definitive work on the subject.
So I want you to be
totally honest with me
on how The Machine makes you feel.
This being our first try,
I'll use the lowest setting.
♪
[CLANK]
♪
[WESTLEY WHIMPERS]
[GROANING]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING ENDS]
[PANTING]
As you know the concept of the
suction pump is centuries old.
Well, really, that's all this is.
Except that instead of sucking water,
I'm sucking life.
I've just sucked one
year of your life away.
I might one day go as high as five,
but I really don't know
what that will do to you.
So let's just start with what we have.
And remember, this is for
posterity so be honest.
How do you feel?
[WHIMPERING]
Interesting.
♪
And so I think no man in a century
will suffer as greatly as you will.
Not to 50!
Yes, yes, you're very smart. Shut up.
Smart, smart, smart, smart, smart?
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
- Where am I?
- [RASPY VOICE]: The Pit of Despair.
Don't
[CLEARING THROAT]
[NORMAL VOICE]: Don't even
think about trying to escape.
Your chains are on far too thick.
And don't even dream about
being rescued neither.
The only way in is secret.
Only the Prince, the Count, and I know.
So I'm here till I die.
Till they kill ya, yeah.
So why bother curing me?
The Prince and the Count always
insist on everyone being healthy
before they break you.
Hmm, so it's to be torture.
I can cope with torture.
Don't believe me?
You survived the Fire Swamp.
You must be very brave.
But no one withstands The Machine.
GRANDPA: "Before the following dawn,
Buttercup and Humperdinck were married."
[BUGLE PLAYING FANFARE]
My father's final words were
GRANDSON: Hold it. Hold it, Grandpa.
She marries Westley. I'm sure of it.
She doesn't marry Humperdinck.
That wouldn't be fair.
Well, who says life is fair?
Where is that written? Life isn't fair.
I'm telling you, you're
messing up the story.
Now get it right!
You want me to go on with this?
Yes.
All right, then, no more interruptions.
My father's final words were,
"Love her as I loved her
and there will be joy."
I present to you your queen!
[MAJESTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Boo!
Boo!
Boo!
- Why do you do this?
- Because you had love in your hands
and you gave it up.
But they would have killed
Westley if I hadn't done it.
Your true love lives,
and you marry another!
True love saved her in the Fire Swamp,
and she treated it like garbage.
That's what she is, the Queen of Refuse.
So bow down to her, if you want.
Bow to the Queen of Slime,
the Queen of Filth, the
Queen of Putrescence.
Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth!
Slime! Muck!
Boo! Boo! Boo !
[GASPS]
GRANDPA: "It was 10
days till the wedding.
The King still lived but
Buttercup's nightmares
were growing steadily worse."
- GRANDSON: See, didn't I tell you?
- GRANDPA: Yes, yes, you're very smart.
- Shut up.
- And
It comes to this. I love Westley.
I always have and I know
now that I always will.
If I must marry you in 10 days,
please believe that that
I will be dead by morning.
I could never cause you grief.
Consider our wedding off.
Did you return this Westley to his ship?
Yes.
We'll simply alert him.
Beloved, I suggest a deal.
You write four copies of a letter.
I will get my four fastest ships
and will send them in each direction.
The Dread Pirate Roberts is always
close to Florin this time of year.
We'll run up the white flag
and deliver the message.
If Westley still wants you
bless you both.
If not
please, consider me as an alternative
to suicide.
Are we agreed?
My Westley will always come for me.
COUNT RUGEN: Your Princess really
is quite a winning creature.
A trifle simple perhaps,
but her appeal is undeniable.
I know. The people
are quite taken with her.
It's odd, but when I hired Vizzini
to have her murdered
on our engagement day,
I thought that was clever.
But it's going to be so much more moving
- when I strangle her on our wedding night.
- [CHUCKLES]
Once Guilder is blamed, the entire
nation will be truly outraged.
They'll demand we go to war.
Now where is that secret knot?
It's impossible to find.
Ah. [CREAKING]
Are you coming down into the Pit?
Westley has got his strength back.
I'm starting him on The Machine tonight.
Tyrone, you know I
love watching you work.
But I've got my country's
500th anniversary to plan,
a wedding to arrange, my wife to murder,
and Guilder to frame for it.
I'm swamped.
Get some rest.
If you haven't got your health,
you haven't got anything.
♪
Beautiful, isn't it?
It took me half a lifetime to invent it.
I'm sure you've discovered my
deep and abiding interest in pain.
[MOANS]
At present, I'm writing the
definitive work on the subject.
So I want you to be
totally honest with me
on how The Machine makes you feel.
This being our first try,
I'll use the lowest setting.
♪
[CLANK]
♪
[WESTLEY WHIMPERS]
[GROANING]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING ENDS]
[PANTING]
As you know the concept of the
suction pump is centuries old.
Well, really, that's all this is.
Except that instead of sucking water,
I'm sucking life.
I've just sucked one
year of your life away.
I might one day go as high as five,
but I really don't know
what that will do to you.
So let's just start with what we have.
And remember, this is for
posterity so be honest.
How do you feel?
[WHIMPERING]
Interesting.
♪
And so I think no man in a century
will suffer as greatly as you will.
Not to 50!