House Husbands (2012) s01e07 Episode Script
Episode 7
1 I take my hat off to you - it must be SO hard, working, being completely disconnected from your child.
I'm not disconnected.
Uh, she's she's connected.
James, this is Mark.
Oh, nice to meet you.
Yeah, husband.
Sorry? Me, I'm It doesn't matter.
G'day, Dad.
G'day, Phoebe.
Aren't you meant to be in Frankfurt? Are you having a baby? Surprise.
Uh, so we sold the house, which is good news.
We settle in four weeks, so you've gotta be out by then, OK? We'll be throwing everything we can at you if you try for shared custody.
Your rap sheet doesn't exactly read like fatherhood material.
Well, amazing what you do when you find out your manager's screwing your wife.
I have a court case in a month.
They want full custody.
They reckon I can't look after my own kids.
Jacob? We're going now.
Jake, stop playing with that.
Boys! Get in the car! Now! Wow.
She leaves the baby unattended.
She lets the twins run riot.
She's the world's worst mother.
I want to take her for everything she's got, plus the kids.
She'll never see 'em again.
Uh, well, you always said the opposite.
I'm kidding.
Nicola is a good mum.
Well, where did you get them? My lawyer.
It's the latest piece of genius from him.
Look at this.
Rodney, eating.
Wow! Rodney, talking on his phone.
I mean, so what? What is that supposed to prove? We're a week out from court and this is all I've got some dodgy photos.
I'm doomed.
Harmony Day - what the hell is that? Peace, love and human kindness.
It says 'harmony' not hippie.
It's about embracing one culture and reaching out to another.
Poppy, where are you? Daddy, my zipper busted.
Show me Daddy? I can fix it, sweetheart.
No, Daddy fixes everything.
Poppy Mummy fixes things too.
Here.
Give it here.
Mummy Mummy will fix it in just a second.
Hey, what's up? I'd need to see an X-ray.
Is today Hurry Me Day? It's not Hurry Me Day, darling.
It's Harmony Day and it's the day after tomorrow.
So, check with His Royal Hotness.
OK, bye.
Someone got a fever? Huh? 'His Royal Hotness' - is that like a temperature thing or? No, that's one of the doctors.
You fixed it! He did, didn't he? Mr Useful Daddy.
Hey, Pop, Mummy's useful too.
Mummy's gonna make you something to take to Harmony Day.
What about some Irish chippies? Hey? What do you think? Some yummy potato chips? It works! Harmony Day.
Day after tomorrow.
Stell, you have to take your national dish.
But I always take pie.
It's Australian, it's our heritage.
Here y'are, show us.
"Please provide a dish that reflects "your own cultural traditions "or wear your national costume.
" Oh, well, she can take my fireman's hat.
Yeah, 'cause there aren't any firemen in the rest of the world.
But I don't wanna take a pie! You've made that point loud and clear.
You know what? I reckon Australia's national dish is green curry chicken from the local Thai.
Should we foster a child? She's an only child.
Do you think that's a good thing? Oh, I don't know.
One kid you can kind of get away with, but two or more, it's I mean, you really are parents.
That's ridiculous.
We already are parents.
Well, I'd like to be more than that some days.
You are.
Yeah.
I wasn't really talking about me.
Look what I found.
We have Flemish ancestry.
Oh, on a laminated bit of toilet roll.
This is the Crabb family tree.
Yeah, on a laminated bit of toilet roll.
Yeah, but what better thing for Tilda to take to school for Harmony Day than hard evidence that we have Flemish blood lines? What's laminated? Oh, you don't need to know that.
I'm gonna cook stoofvlees.
It's like a Belgian meat stew.
We have something like it every day at the hospital.
That really is a family tree.
Yeah.
I just have to update this bit.
You know, Lewis and Gemma married.
I would be honoured to be on the laminated toilet roll.
You'll have to update it to include Fritz.
Who? Fritz! Son of Phoebe - first grandchild of Grandpa Lewis.
Grandpa Lewis? That's right.
Footy socks, a whole box of them.
Put it here, I'll take it to Vinnies.
What?! The Bullhorn Club VIP Life Member.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, give us that.
Give me that.
I think I'm gonna take it to the rubbish pile.
No! No, hang on.
The Bullhorn is a strip club.
It's it's an entertainment venue.
Oh, with lingerie girls and lap dancers.
OK, it's a it's a nightclub.
Oh, did you live there? Yeah.
Pretty much.
Actually, Rodney did.
Does he still go there? Last time I looked, it was his office.
It's where he takes the players.
You know what? I should go take a look.
That's a great idea - you know, get photographed stumbling out of the Bullhorn.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Except, if I can get a photo of Rodney there, off his face, getting a lap dance, I mean, that'd show he's not the greatest person for my children to be hanging out with.
Like what your lawyer's trying to do to Nicola.
Except, Nicola is a good mum.
See, that's different.
But Rodney Rodney's a different kettle of fish.
He's he's not a good mum.
Then tell your lawyer where to find Rodney doing something other than eating a kebab.
I'm sick of paying for surveillance.
You know what? I can do a better job myself.
So you ARE going back to the club.
No.
I'm calling special forces.
You want me to go where? The Bullhorn? Yeah, to get some footage of Rodney misbehaving.
Mate, I can't just waltz in there.
It's a strip club.
Why not? You're over 18.
I mean, I'd go myself but I can't really be seen there.
Mate it's for my kids.
Gwanpa, pwease Don't call me Grandpa.
What? Yeah, alright, I'm in.
I'm in what? Dad's going to a strip club.
Justin wants me to spy on Rodney.
I'll take Mark with me.
I'm supposed to find that comforting, am I? The Bullhorn Club - it's a it's a nightclub.
I know what it is.
It's just weird you want to go there.
Oh, we're just going to help out a mate.
Yeah, right.
Have you seen the colander? Yeah, third drawer.
Are you cooking? Irish chippies for Harmony Day.
What?! It's not a competition.
I know that.
But I also know that if I don't do something obvious and memorable for Pop, she's gonna forget.
Forget? That I'm Useful Mum.
Not just Working, Slaving, Building a Better Future Mum.
She knows that.
You don't have to I kinda do have to.
Yes, I'm having a crisis.
You told me I was boring.
I didn't say that you were boring All I care about is being a parent - that's what you said.
Yeah, well, that's not a totally negative thing.
What - so, I'm boring in a good way? Yeah, well Are you gonna get that? Mark.
What's up? The Bullhorn Club? Yeah, sure I'll come with you.
No probs.
OK, see you there.
I'm going clubbing.
What's that smell? Are you wearing cologne? No.
Yeah.
What? I deserve a night out.
It's alright for you - you've got work, where you've got hot doctors crawling all over you, apparently.
Oh, don't be silly.
The really, really hot guy is a patient with a broken leg.
He can't crawl anywhere.
You know, it's not illegal for Rodney to be here.
No.
No, it's not.
But if we can catch him doin' something suss Should we split up? He knows what we look like.
Yeah.
Look, I'll take the floor.
You blokes take the entrance and the toilets.
You've got cameras in your phones, haven't you? What are you, James Bond? We're just three regular guys, just hanging out.
Gentlemen, welcome.
Hey.
Crystal? Hello, gorgeous.
Hi.
Can I get you and your friends a drink? Yeah.
Tequila shots all round.
Absolutely.
Uh, not for me, I'm drivin'.
I'm not.
Me either.
I'll have his.
Justin reckons this is the right night if Rodney still comes here.
You think it's weird I've never been here before? You've got a wife and daughter.
Yeah, I mean, before that.
I just I don't know, I've never bothered.
I've never even slept with a hooker.
Really? Yeah.
You think that makes me less of a man? I reckon it does.
I've slept with a hooker - twice.
Was he? With a with a Female.
When I was 18 - it was kind of a bet.
You lost the same bet twice? No, just once.
But I liked it, so I went back for a second go.
I'm not just a parent.
I've lived.
Why why have I never been to this place? Imagine if you were Justin, coming here after a winning footy game.
That'd be insane! Unlimited booze, sex, adulation.
I could handle that.
Maybe it gets boring after a while.
You know, once you've had kids.
You reckon? Hey, it's him! It's Rodney! That's not him.
Yes, it is.
It's not him! I'm not good with faces.
You've got all this unopened mail.
Oh, it's fan mail and you kept it.
Oh, my God, you're so cute.
Oh, look, someone has sent you some underwear.
Hey, they're not my size.
I won't have room to keep anything, so just throw it all out.
You're going to find a house.
This place has gotta be worth something.
Yeah, most of it is gonna go to Nicola and I gotta pay for lawyers, debt collectors, I've gotta pay the tax man.
What will you do? I'll find something somewhere.
You know, I just need a place big enough for sleepovers for Zac and Jacob.
And the Ange machine, so I've been looking at rent since Phoebe moved in, it's nuts.
Unless you want to share with 16 people in a two-bedroom flat.
Yeah, no, thanks.
Hey, we could look together.
As in, like, look for two places? Yeah.
Or one place.
You know, I mean, financially it would make sense if we shared.
Like flatmates? Like we'd meet up some nights and cuddle.
Hopefully more than some nights.
Hopefully more than a cuddle.
Hi, Baby.
Is everything OK? I would say so! I'm surrounded by hot babes with not very many clothes on.
It's going OK.
Is that right? Yeah, one of them just said that I was "particularly cute", quote, unquote.
Oh, and was that after you gave her the dancer dollars? Yeah No! Look, you're not the only one who can hang out with hot, sexy people.
Oh, Mark.
You're in a strip club and you're ringing home.
That is so cute.
It kinda makes me mushy.
What?! You are such a sweetheart.
Hey, Poppy fell asleep holding her book.
Oh, did she? Say sleepy bye-byes to little bubba from dadda.
OK, well, I better go.
Yeah, me too.
James is here.
What? Oh, he's got this great recipe for Irish cookies.
We're baking.
He's at our house? Now? Yeah, I better run.
Have fun! Who am I? I dunno.
I'm gonna throw you out if you don't behave.
No sign of Rodney anywhere.
What? I said no sign of Rodney.
I looked upstairs.
I looked everywhere.
I want to have more children.
I don't want Stella to be an only child.
You want to be careful.
Any minute now, Stella's gonna come home and tell you you're a grandfather.
She's six years old.
Yeah.
And tomorrow, she's gonna be 16 and the day after, she's gonna be 26.
Did you decide to drink after all? Oi! Watch what you're doin'?! What a dickhead! That's Barrett Cox.
Who cares?! No, Barrett Cox.
You know, he plays full forward.
I know who Barrett Cox is! Dickhead! Spills my drink.
Doesn't even say sorry.
Is that really him? Yeah, yeah.
Be cool.
Don't stare.
I'm gonna go.
I don't feel great.
Yeah, well, have a look over there.
It's Barrett Cox.
Get off.
Oh, shit, it is.
Yeah, just be cool.
Don't stare.
Hey, Coxy, great game last week, mate.
Dog! What'd he say? What are you starin' at? Drinks, gentlemen? Oi, come on, mate.
Get off me! I'm sorry.
It's OK.
That's alright.
Oh, look, you've got some Hey, do you mind?! No, it's just there's olive Nice jacket.
Hey, get off my jacket! Come on, mate.
Hey! Can you not?! Hey, buddy! Hey, buddy, back off! It wasn't my fault, mate You don't touch her! It wasn't my fault.
I got shoved! Aaagh! He totally touched me.
Did you see that? No, it's just that there's some olive OK, you're walkin'.
Come on, mate! Hey! He didn't do anything! You want a go? Want to get involved? Take it easy, mate.
Take it easy! I'm a gay man! This is crazy.
I got a wife and child! I have a job! You pay for the damages or I'll call the cops right now.
Kane got caught fondling a girl.
Kane? It's all gotten a bit ugly.
OK, I'll come in.
You think that's a good idea? I know the bouncers.
I'll sort it.
Alright, mate.
Righto.
One of the guys got caught groping one of the girls and she wants to call the cops, make a complaint.
Uh, please tell me it wasn't my dad.
No, no, it wasn't Lewis I don't think.
OK, so, you're going to the club after everything that we said.
Yeah.
And, I Look.
I'll slip in, slip out.
Nobody will see me.
I took the night off study to come and help you pack up your house.
I know, Luce, and I'm sorry.
And then, two minutes ago, you asked me to move in with you, and now you're going to a strip club No, I was serious.
I love you.
I do.
But I gotta run.
Look, mate, I just want to go home, alright? Forget it.
I'm gonna keep you here till the cops come.
Mate, legally, you can't do that.
Yes, I can.
If he wants to get abusive, then he can suffer.
Ooh, I'm not hurtin' you, am I, buddy? Steven or whatever you name is Zeeben.
He's gay, OK? He is a gay man.
Yeah, me too.
So what? I sleep with women most nights.
You know what I mean? Let 'em go.
Justin? Long time, no see.
Zeeben You come to get trashed? Nah, mate.
I'm here to collect my friends.
What - these gay guys? They're your mates? Mate, I am extremely heterosexual.
Hey, just let us go, OK? We'll go quietly.
So, did you guys actually look for Rodney at all or did you just get trashed and cause a ruckus? It wasn't my fault.
There was no sign of him.
Don't go near the dickhead.
He's the one who started all this trouble.
Hey! Hey You look familiar.
Yeah, you too, buddy.
Yeah.
I'm goin' home.
I gotta I gotta do stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Me too.
I gotta cook a pie for Harmony Day.
I gotta cook a Belgian stew.
Wait What's Harmony Day? It's this thing at school.
It's a celebration of culture.
Didn't you get the newsletter? All the kids got one.
Nah, I must have missed that one.
I'm getting a taxi! Bye! Yeah, alright, wait! I'm sharing! Hey What's up with Mark? Maybe he doesn't like Harmony Day.
Come on - I'll give you a lift.
Cheers.
Sorry it didn't work out.
Ah, it was a long shot.
Just shows I'm desperate.
Well, no, I think that's allowable when your family's at stake.
Holy shit! What just happened? Nothing happened.
Let's go.
That's Sophie Jones.
She's the one from the scandal.
She broke up your marriage.
Yeah, I think I helped.
Hey, hey! What are you doin'? Justin! Hey! Where did Grandpa go? Oh, we've gotta stop calling him that.
He's really sensitive.
Yeah, well, he's gonna have to get used to it.
You both are.
You're gonna be a step-granny.
Gemma.
I'm Gemma.
Did you have a home birth, Gemma? For Tilda? I bet you did.
No.
I think I felt safer in the place where all the drugs are.
I think I want a home birth.
You could be there.
I mean, you've done it before and you're, like, sort of medical.
Yeah, sort of.
You're home early.
Is that a problem? No.
I just You didn't go to your boyfriend's? Yeah, but I live here.
That's an early finish.
I'm moving in with him.
What are you doin' here? I want to say I'm sorry.
You know, I caused you a lot of grief and I wish I hadn't.
That's OK.
Nah.
It's not really OK.
I don't hate you, Justin.
Ohh! You think it's a terrible idea.
No.
I just I think it's really quick.
You and Dad were quick.
I wouldn't say that.
OK, this is just, like, a total hypothetical, OK? But if a guy was to say that he loves you you you're supposed to say it back, yeah? Like like straightaway? Soon? Well, do you love him? Yeah.
I think I do.
Are you guys having a secret meeting? Uh, yes, we are, and it's not finished yet.
What the hell's going on? Oh, hey, baby.
You're alone.
I guess.
Where's Dr Hot Pants? Jimmy? He went ages ago.
Here.
Have an Irish cookie.
How'd you go? What a waste of time.
Rodney didn't show up.
I'm sure you got something out of it.
Dad? Um have you seen Justin? He's just not answering his phone.
No.
He uh left.
Probably home in bed.
I really got ya.
Sophie I came here, looking for Rodney.
I need to know if he still hangs out here.
I dunno.
You don't know Oh, come on! You run the place.
Why do you care? 'Cause he's with your wife now? And you're still in love with her! No.
No, I've split up with Nicola.
I've moved on.
I'm with someone else now.
I'm happy.
So, forget about Rodney.
It's about the kids.
You know, we got you started, Justin.
We got you your lucky break.
Who's we? I did and Rodney.
You don't even know! What are you talking about? Hey Forget it.
Sophie I've got work to do.
No, Sophie Goodbye, Justin.
You can't just Please.
She just she just had this little bit of olive and it was between her It was just right there, between them, and I was just like But what was I supposed to do? Just, like Oop boop! Hey, lovely.
Are you alright? You're you look terrible.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Hey, I'm sorry I got back so late.
What happened to your face? Do I even want to know? No, no.
I just got punched in the nose.
It's no big deal.
How'd you get on? I spoke to the real estate agent.
A friend of mine.
She's got a few places that seem OK.
Wow! Brilliant! We're meeting her this arvo.
And I thought that you might want to come.
Absolutely.
I'll be there.
Can? Hi, Dad! Zacky! How you doin'? Good.
I'm here too, Dad.
Oh, Jake-a-saurus.
Will you come to Harmony Day? It's at school.
Yeah, I'm there.
Absolutely, mate.
You have to cook Lebanese.
I reckon I can do that.
Boys, time to go.
Mum says we have to go now.
Bye.
OK, well, you listen to what your mum says.
OK? And I'll see you there.
I can't wait.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
I gotta cook a feast for Zac and Jacob.
We packed the pots and the pans already.
Yeah.
A bit premature.
I'm craving a milk-based drink.
Live 2 Be Foundation.
Uh-oh.
Are you still at it? I downloaded some info on fostering a kid just to see.
Well, you can tell 'em about last night, 'cause you're a perfect role model.
Zac's taking food from Lebanon.
For Harmony Day tomorrow? Cool.
I want to take food from Lebanon.
Well, you can't.
You're not Lebanese.
Why not? Well, Zac and Jacob are Lebanese.
It's their culture.
I want a culture! It's not fair! What was that? Only child.
Justin? Tell me about my lucky break.
Tell me how that happened.
Look, I was talking rubbish.
No, you weren't.
And I think I know exactly what you meant.
How lucky was I to break into the first-grade team? What? I was in the reserves, couldn't get a start.
And, suddenly, one of our players gets involved in a drunken brawl.
Pictures in the paper - bam! It's a scandal.
I've got no idea what you're talking about.
Yeah, you do.
I think I just figured out your scam.
And I'm gonna talk about it in court.
OK, I'm late for a meeting.
My first big game - Saturday 10 June.
Six goals, mark of the round, best debut since Ade McAdam.
I know your stats, mate.
I was there.
Yeah.
You know who wasn't there? Kent Shockwell.
Banned for three weeks for bringing the game into disrepute the week before.
So you got promoted, you did good.
The rest is history, like Kent Shockwell himself.
What's your point? Kent always said his drinks were spiked.
I never believed him.
No-one believed him.
He was telling the truth.
No-one forced him into the Bullhorn or any other bar.
No-one held him down, made him drink.
No, but they led him on, they got him wasted and when he got extra messy, they rang the newspapers.
Probably slipped the bouncers a few bucks to slap him round.
That's your deal with Zeeben, right? OK.
See ya.
You did it, Rodney.
Kent wasn't your client, so you set him up, got him banned, just so your own client could get a run.
That's pretty ridiculous.
Oh, is it? I reckon it's classic Rodney Morgan.
I just can't believe it's taken me this long to figure out.
How many others have you done it to? You know, you'd never prove it not in a million years, even if it were true.
You wrecked that man's life.
Nobody forced him into a bar.
Did you do it to me? Did you set me up? Why would I do that? You were my client.
For a shot at Nicola.
Nah.
You lost her all by yourself.
Darling, it's a football.
It's for Harmony Day because football is our national passion.
I'm taking Pasquale.
But Pasquale is a bear.
OK? He's not even an Australian bear.
I'm taking Pasquale! Look, if we do this, I'll have proof, and I get to see my kids more often than Christmas, you know? Yeah, I get it.
I still think you're insane.
I second that.
You're taking the football! Come on.
We can do this.
He's probably got a gun.
He's gonna shoot my tyres and my back window.
I don't think my insurance covers that.
That's him - Barrett Cox.
Coxy.
Beautiful hands.
Hey! Hey! Come back here! Come on, come on! Get ready, get ready.
Go, go, go, go! "BC catch tonyte.
" "Nyte" - "N-Y-T-E".
Why can't people spell in this world anymore? BC? Is that Barrett Cox? Yeah, I reckon.
But he's not a Rodney client.
His sub is.
A kid named, uh, Foyle or Froyle or something.
Can I help you? You got any bay leaves? I need bay leaves for my stoofvlees.
There are a lot of text messages to and from Rodney.
Yeah, I just don't know if they actually prove anything.
Well, they wouldn't stand up in court, but that is a scandal waiting to happen.
The newspapers eat this stuff up.
No, they're right.
You got him over a barrel.
Yeah, but except, technically, I'm not fighting Rodney.
I'm fighting Nicola.
Same diff.
Put the pressure on him, it puts the pressure on her.
The last thing Nicola would want is another scandal.
Well Sorry, mate.
I was just No, it's OK.
It's true.
You got the smoking gun.
All you gotta do is use it.
Please, you have to believe me.
Rodney is evil.
He sets up players.
Sure.
What - and he forced you to stagger home at 8:00 in the morning, every Monday.
No Season after season.
This is not about me, Nic, OK? Rodney told me you'd come to me, telling me some fantasy story.
It's not a fantasy.
I have evidence.
It's right here in this phone - text messages, emails from Rodney to this bouncer, Zeeben.
A bouncer? Where? At a nightclub.
The Bullhorn Club.
Oh, my God! Are you serious? You're back there again, with that pole dancer, aren't you? She's not a pole dancer, Nic.
Listen to me, please, Nic Listen to me.
Do you have any idea what it was like for me? To be on the news and in the papers? To have reporters trying to get at me? At the kids? You and her you made our family a national joke.
And now you want me to believe that Rodney is the evil one.
Hey, I am so sorry for missing the meeting with the real estate guy.
I tried calling you.
I left messages.
Oh, the apartment was just no good anyway.
It really was an emergency about the custody case.
Oh, Justin, honestly, I'm not one of those people.
I'm not gonna beg or flip out or fight with you.
You know when I said before Yeah.
You want to take it back? No.
No, I don't.
I meant it.
Times 12.
But you have so much going on in your life.
Like the ex-wife and the court case and your kids.
Yeah, it's slightly crowded.
Yeah.
And I know that the kids are the most important thing.
You know, I get it.
I do.
Yeah.
I get that.
But at the same time, you don't.
Well I'm not a mum, so Look, I've screwed up in my life, in my family, and I'm trying to undo that now.
I just I think I should leave you to it.
Wow.
That's, um not what I was expecting.
Me neither.
Where is it? My phone.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Falafel? Hello, everyone.
Welcome to the Harmony Day ceremony a celebration of culture and respect.
Harmony Day is a very important day to us here at Nepean South, and today, we're gonna put on a very special performance for all of the parents, the grandfriends and carers A little later on, we're all going to join together to sing our special Harmony Day song What do you mean you can't make it? We spoke about this.
Yeah, and I came home to change.
I was coming straight there.
But they need me back at work.
We're flat-out.
We're a doctor down.
Why - someone's bruised a bicep? I can't get there, OK? I'm Mark! In celebration of peace and togetherness.
But right now, our kids are gonna perform to you 'We've Got the Whole World in Our Hands'.
Why is it that we're always late? We're not late.
They just started early.
You right there, Grandpa? You're limping.
Yep.
Hang onto this, will you? I've got something in my shoe.
Mmm! It actually smells good.
Yeah.
What'd you expect? Four generations of Flemish love and craft and knowhow.
Whoa! Careful! Aaagh! We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world in our hands She looks crazy.
She looks cute.
Crazy cute.
She's our kid.
We've got the whole world I'll come to the fostering seminar.
We've got the whole world And then we'll see.
We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world in our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world in our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world in our hands It's pretty good, isn't it? This bit has grass on it.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have this one.
Have have that.
Mum's here.
Mummy! Hey, boys! How'd you go? Pretty good.
We've got falafel.
Yes, you've got it all over you.
Oh, yeah.
Look, all that stuff about Rodney I won't bring it up in court.
Because none of it's true.
Who knows? Come on, boys.
Let's go.
What about your bag? Here.
Be good, huh? Aaaah! Bye, Daddy.
Have fun.
See ya.
We got the whole world In our hands We got the whole wide world In our hands We got the whole world In our hands We got the whole world In our hands
I'm not disconnected.
Uh, she's she's connected.
James, this is Mark.
Oh, nice to meet you.
Yeah, husband.
Sorry? Me, I'm It doesn't matter.
G'day, Dad.
G'day, Phoebe.
Aren't you meant to be in Frankfurt? Are you having a baby? Surprise.
Uh, so we sold the house, which is good news.
We settle in four weeks, so you've gotta be out by then, OK? We'll be throwing everything we can at you if you try for shared custody.
Your rap sheet doesn't exactly read like fatherhood material.
Well, amazing what you do when you find out your manager's screwing your wife.
I have a court case in a month.
They want full custody.
They reckon I can't look after my own kids.
Jacob? We're going now.
Jake, stop playing with that.
Boys! Get in the car! Now! Wow.
She leaves the baby unattended.
She lets the twins run riot.
She's the world's worst mother.
I want to take her for everything she's got, plus the kids.
She'll never see 'em again.
Uh, well, you always said the opposite.
I'm kidding.
Nicola is a good mum.
Well, where did you get them? My lawyer.
It's the latest piece of genius from him.
Look at this.
Rodney, eating.
Wow! Rodney, talking on his phone.
I mean, so what? What is that supposed to prove? We're a week out from court and this is all I've got some dodgy photos.
I'm doomed.
Harmony Day - what the hell is that? Peace, love and human kindness.
It says 'harmony' not hippie.
It's about embracing one culture and reaching out to another.
Poppy, where are you? Daddy, my zipper busted.
Show me Daddy? I can fix it, sweetheart.
No, Daddy fixes everything.
Poppy Mummy fixes things too.
Here.
Give it here.
Mummy Mummy will fix it in just a second.
Hey, what's up? I'd need to see an X-ray.
Is today Hurry Me Day? It's not Hurry Me Day, darling.
It's Harmony Day and it's the day after tomorrow.
So, check with His Royal Hotness.
OK, bye.
Someone got a fever? Huh? 'His Royal Hotness' - is that like a temperature thing or? No, that's one of the doctors.
You fixed it! He did, didn't he? Mr Useful Daddy.
Hey, Pop, Mummy's useful too.
Mummy's gonna make you something to take to Harmony Day.
What about some Irish chippies? Hey? What do you think? Some yummy potato chips? It works! Harmony Day.
Day after tomorrow.
Stell, you have to take your national dish.
But I always take pie.
It's Australian, it's our heritage.
Here y'are, show us.
"Please provide a dish that reflects "your own cultural traditions "or wear your national costume.
" Oh, well, she can take my fireman's hat.
Yeah, 'cause there aren't any firemen in the rest of the world.
But I don't wanna take a pie! You've made that point loud and clear.
You know what? I reckon Australia's national dish is green curry chicken from the local Thai.
Should we foster a child? She's an only child.
Do you think that's a good thing? Oh, I don't know.
One kid you can kind of get away with, but two or more, it's I mean, you really are parents.
That's ridiculous.
We already are parents.
Well, I'd like to be more than that some days.
You are.
Yeah.
I wasn't really talking about me.
Look what I found.
We have Flemish ancestry.
Oh, on a laminated bit of toilet roll.
This is the Crabb family tree.
Yeah, on a laminated bit of toilet roll.
Yeah, but what better thing for Tilda to take to school for Harmony Day than hard evidence that we have Flemish blood lines? What's laminated? Oh, you don't need to know that.
I'm gonna cook stoofvlees.
It's like a Belgian meat stew.
We have something like it every day at the hospital.
That really is a family tree.
Yeah.
I just have to update this bit.
You know, Lewis and Gemma married.
I would be honoured to be on the laminated toilet roll.
You'll have to update it to include Fritz.
Who? Fritz! Son of Phoebe - first grandchild of Grandpa Lewis.
Grandpa Lewis? That's right.
Footy socks, a whole box of them.
Put it here, I'll take it to Vinnies.
What?! The Bullhorn Club VIP Life Member.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, give us that.
Give me that.
I think I'm gonna take it to the rubbish pile.
No! No, hang on.
The Bullhorn is a strip club.
It's it's an entertainment venue.
Oh, with lingerie girls and lap dancers.
OK, it's a it's a nightclub.
Oh, did you live there? Yeah.
Pretty much.
Actually, Rodney did.
Does he still go there? Last time I looked, it was his office.
It's where he takes the players.
You know what? I should go take a look.
That's a great idea - you know, get photographed stumbling out of the Bullhorn.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Except, if I can get a photo of Rodney there, off his face, getting a lap dance, I mean, that'd show he's not the greatest person for my children to be hanging out with.
Like what your lawyer's trying to do to Nicola.
Except, Nicola is a good mum.
See, that's different.
But Rodney Rodney's a different kettle of fish.
He's he's not a good mum.
Then tell your lawyer where to find Rodney doing something other than eating a kebab.
I'm sick of paying for surveillance.
You know what? I can do a better job myself.
So you ARE going back to the club.
No.
I'm calling special forces.
You want me to go where? The Bullhorn? Yeah, to get some footage of Rodney misbehaving.
Mate, I can't just waltz in there.
It's a strip club.
Why not? You're over 18.
I mean, I'd go myself but I can't really be seen there.
Mate it's for my kids.
Gwanpa, pwease Don't call me Grandpa.
What? Yeah, alright, I'm in.
I'm in what? Dad's going to a strip club.
Justin wants me to spy on Rodney.
I'll take Mark with me.
I'm supposed to find that comforting, am I? The Bullhorn Club - it's a it's a nightclub.
I know what it is.
It's just weird you want to go there.
Oh, we're just going to help out a mate.
Yeah, right.
Have you seen the colander? Yeah, third drawer.
Are you cooking? Irish chippies for Harmony Day.
What?! It's not a competition.
I know that.
But I also know that if I don't do something obvious and memorable for Pop, she's gonna forget.
Forget? That I'm Useful Mum.
Not just Working, Slaving, Building a Better Future Mum.
She knows that.
You don't have to I kinda do have to.
Yes, I'm having a crisis.
You told me I was boring.
I didn't say that you were boring All I care about is being a parent - that's what you said.
Yeah, well, that's not a totally negative thing.
What - so, I'm boring in a good way? Yeah, well Are you gonna get that? Mark.
What's up? The Bullhorn Club? Yeah, sure I'll come with you.
No probs.
OK, see you there.
I'm going clubbing.
What's that smell? Are you wearing cologne? No.
Yeah.
What? I deserve a night out.
It's alright for you - you've got work, where you've got hot doctors crawling all over you, apparently.
Oh, don't be silly.
The really, really hot guy is a patient with a broken leg.
He can't crawl anywhere.
You know, it's not illegal for Rodney to be here.
No.
No, it's not.
But if we can catch him doin' something suss Should we split up? He knows what we look like.
Yeah.
Look, I'll take the floor.
You blokes take the entrance and the toilets.
You've got cameras in your phones, haven't you? What are you, James Bond? We're just three regular guys, just hanging out.
Gentlemen, welcome.
Hey.
Crystal? Hello, gorgeous.
Hi.
Can I get you and your friends a drink? Yeah.
Tequila shots all round.
Absolutely.
Uh, not for me, I'm drivin'.
I'm not.
Me either.
I'll have his.
Justin reckons this is the right night if Rodney still comes here.
You think it's weird I've never been here before? You've got a wife and daughter.
Yeah, I mean, before that.
I just I don't know, I've never bothered.
I've never even slept with a hooker.
Really? Yeah.
You think that makes me less of a man? I reckon it does.
I've slept with a hooker - twice.
Was he? With a with a Female.
When I was 18 - it was kind of a bet.
You lost the same bet twice? No, just once.
But I liked it, so I went back for a second go.
I'm not just a parent.
I've lived.
Why why have I never been to this place? Imagine if you were Justin, coming here after a winning footy game.
That'd be insane! Unlimited booze, sex, adulation.
I could handle that.
Maybe it gets boring after a while.
You know, once you've had kids.
You reckon? Hey, it's him! It's Rodney! That's not him.
Yes, it is.
It's not him! I'm not good with faces.
You've got all this unopened mail.
Oh, it's fan mail and you kept it.
Oh, my God, you're so cute.
Oh, look, someone has sent you some underwear.
Hey, they're not my size.
I won't have room to keep anything, so just throw it all out.
You're going to find a house.
This place has gotta be worth something.
Yeah, most of it is gonna go to Nicola and I gotta pay for lawyers, debt collectors, I've gotta pay the tax man.
What will you do? I'll find something somewhere.
You know, I just need a place big enough for sleepovers for Zac and Jacob.
And the Ange machine, so I've been looking at rent since Phoebe moved in, it's nuts.
Unless you want to share with 16 people in a two-bedroom flat.
Yeah, no, thanks.
Hey, we could look together.
As in, like, look for two places? Yeah.
Or one place.
You know, I mean, financially it would make sense if we shared.
Like flatmates? Like we'd meet up some nights and cuddle.
Hopefully more than some nights.
Hopefully more than a cuddle.
Hi, Baby.
Is everything OK? I would say so! I'm surrounded by hot babes with not very many clothes on.
It's going OK.
Is that right? Yeah, one of them just said that I was "particularly cute", quote, unquote.
Oh, and was that after you gave her the dancer dollars? Yeah No! Look, you're not the only one who can hang out with hot, sexy people.
Oh, Mark.
You're in a strip club and you're ringing home.
That is so cute.
It kinda makes me mushy.
What?! You are such a sweetheart.
Hey, Poppy fell asleep holding her book.
Oh, did she? Say sleepy bye-byes to little bubba from dadda.
OK, well, I better go.
Yeah, me too.
James is here.
What? Oh, he's got this great recipe for Irish cookies.
We're baking.
He's at our house? Now? Yeah, I better run.
Have fun! Who am I? I dunno.
I'm gonna throw you out if you don't behave.
No sign of Rodney anywhere.
What? I said no sign of Rodney.
I looked upstairs.
I looked everywhere.
I want to have more children.
I don't want Stella to be an only child.
You want to be careful.
Any minute now, Stella's gonna come home and tell you you're a grandfather.
She's six years old.
Yeah.
And tomorrow, she's gonna be 16 and the day after, she's gonna be 26.
Did you decide to drink after all? Oi! Watch what you're doin'?! What a dickhead! That's Barrett Cox.
Who cares?! No, Barrett Cox.
You know, he plays full forward.
I know who Barrett Cox is! Dickhead! Spills my drink.
Doesn't even say sorry.
Is that really him? Yeah, yeah.
Be cool.
Don't stare.
I'm gonna go.
I don't feel great.
Yeah, well, have a look over there.
It's Barrett Cox.
Get off.
Oh, shit, it is.
Yeah, just be cool.
Don't stare.
Hey, Coxy, great game last week, mate.
Dog! What'd he say? What are you starin' at? Drinks, gentlemen? Oi, come on, mate.
Get off me! I'm sorry.
It's OK.
That's alright.
Oh, look, you've got some Hey, do you mind?! No, it's just there's olive Nice jacket.
Hey, get off my jacket! Come on, mate.
Hey! Can you not?! Hey, buddy! Hey, buddy, back off! It wasn't my fault, mate You don't touch her! It wasn't my fault.
I got shoved! Aaagh! He totally touched me.
Did you see that? No, it's just that there's some olive OK, you're walkin'.
Come on, mate! Hey! He didn't do anything! You want a go? Want to get involved? Take it easy, mate.
Take it easy! I'm a gay man! This is crazy.
I got a wife and child! I have a job! You pay for the damages or I'll call the cops right now.
Kane got caught fondling a girl.
Kane? It's all gotten a bit ugly.
OK, I'll come in.
You think that's a good idea? I know the bouncers.
I'll sort it.
Alright, mate.
Righto.
One of the guys got caught groping one of the girls and she wants to call the cops, make a complaint.
Uh, please tell me it wasn't my dad.
No, no, it wasn't Lewis I don't think.
OK, so, you're going to the club after everything that we said.
Yeah.
And, I Look.
I'll slip in, slip out.
Nobody will see me.
I took the night off study to come and help you pack up your house.
I know, Luce, and I'm sorry.
And then, two minutes ago, you asked me to move in with you, and now you're going to a strip club No, I was serious.
I love you.
I do.
But I gotta run.
Look, mate, I just want to go home, alright? Forget it.
I'm gonna keep you here till the cops come.
Mate, legally, you can't do that.
Yes, I can.
If he wants to get abusive, then he can suffer.
Ooh, I'm not hurtin' you, am I, buddy? Steven or whatever you name is Zeeben.
He's gay, OK? He is a gay man.
Yeah, me too.
So what? I sleep with women most nights.
You know what I mean? Let 'em go.
Justin? Long time, no see.
Zeeben You come to get trashed? Nah, mate.
I'm here to collect my friends.
What - these gay guys? They're your mates? Mate, I am extremely heterosexual.
Hey, just let us go, OK? We'll go quietly.
So, did you guys actually look for Rodney at all or did you just get trashed and cause a ruckus? It wasn't my fault.
There was no sign of him.
Don't go near the dickhead.
He's the one who started all this trouble.
Hey! Hey You look familiar.
Yeah, you too, buddy.
Yeah.
I'm goin' home.
I gotta I gotta do stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Me too.
I gotta cook a pie for Harmony Day.
I gotta cook a Belgian stew.
Wait What's Harmony Day? It's this thing at school.
It's a celebration of culture.
Didn't you get the newsletter? All the kids got one.
Nah, I must have missed that one.
I'm getting a taxi! Bye! Yeah, alright, wait! I'm sharing! Hey What's up with Mark? Maybe he doesn't like Harmony Day.
Come on - I'll give you a lift.
Cheers.
Sorry it didn't work out.
Ah, it was a long shot.
Just shows I'm desperate.
Well, no, I think that's allowable when your family's at stake.
Holy shit! What just happened? Nothing happened.
Let's go.
That's Sophie Jones.
She's the one from the scandal.
She broke up your marriage.
Yeah, I think I helped.
Hey, hey! What are you doin'? Justin! Hey! Where did Grandpa go? Oh, we've gotta stop calling him that.
He's really sensitive.
Yeah, well, he's gonna have to get used to it.
You both are.
You're gonna be a step-granny.
Gemma.
I'm Gemma.
Did you have a home birth, Gemma? For Tilda? I bet you did.
No.
I think I felt safer in the place where all the drugs are.
I think I want a home birth.
You could be there.
I mean, you've done it before and you're, like, sort of medical.
Yeah, sort of.
You're home early.
Is that a problem? No.
I just You didn't go to your boyfriend's? Yeah, but I live here.
That's an early finish.
I'm moving in with him.
What are you doin' here? I want to say I'm sorry.
You know, I caused you a lot of grief and I wish I hadn't.
That's OK.
Nah.
It's not really OK.
I don't hate you, Justin.
Ohh! You think it's a terrible idea.
No.
I just I think it's really quick.
You and Dad were quick.
I wouldn't say that.
OK, this is just, like, a total hypothetical, OK? But if a guy was to say that he loves you you you're supposed to say it back, yeah? Like like straightaway? Soon? Well, do you love him? Yeah.
I think I do.
Are you guys having a secret meeting? Uh, yes, we are, and it's not finished yet.
What the hell's going on? Oh, hey, baby.
You're alone.
I guess.
Where's Dr Hot Pants? Jimmy? He went ages ago.
Here.
Have an Irish cookie.
How'd you go? What a waste of time.
Rodney didn't show up.
I'm sure you got something out of it.
Dad? Um have you seen Justin? He's just not answering his phone.
No.
He uh left.
Probably home in bed.
I really got ya.
Sophie I came here, looking for Rodney.
I need to know if he still hangs out here.
I dunno.
You don't know Oh, come on! You run the place.
Why do you care? 'Cause he's with your wife now? And you're still in love with her! No.
No, I've split up with Nicola.
I've moved on.
I'm with someone else now.
I'm happy.
So, forget about Rodney.
It's about the kids.
You know, we got you started, Justin.
We got you your lucky break.
Who's we? I did and Rodney.
You don't even know! What are you talking about? Hey Forget it.
Sophie I've got work to do.
No, Sophie Goodbye, Justin.
You can't just Please.
She just she just had this little bit of olive and it was between her It was just right there, between them, and I was just like But what was I supposed to do? Just, like Oop boop! Hey, lovely.
Are you alright? You're you look terrible.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Hey, I'm sorry I got back so late.
What happened to your face? Do I even want to know? No, no.
I just got punched in the nose.
It's no big deal.
How'd you get on? I spoke to the real estate agent.
A friend of mine.
She's got a few places that seem OK.
Wow! Brilliant! We're meeting her this arvo.
And I thought that you might want to come.
Absolutely.
I'll be there.
Can? Hi, Dad! Zacky! How you doin'? Good.
I'm here too, Dad.
Oh, Jake-a-saurus.
Will you come to Harmony Day? It's at school.
Yeah, I'm there.
Absolutely, mate.
You have to cook Lebanese.
I reckon I can do that.
Boys, time to go.
Mum says we have to go now.
Bye.
OK, well, you listen to what your mum says.
OK? And I'll see you there.
I can't wait.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
I gotta cook a feast for Zac and Jacob.
We packed the pots and the pans already.
Yeah.
A bit premature.
I'm craving a milk-based drink.
Live 2 Be Foundation.
Uh-oh.
Are you still at it? I downloaded some info on fostering a kid just to see.
Well, you can tell 'em about last night, 'cause you're a perfect role model.
Zac's taking food from Lebanon.
For Harmony Day tomorrow? Cool.
I want to take food from Lebanon.
Well, you can't.
You're not Lebanese.
Why not? Well, Zac and Jacob are Lebanese.
It's their culture.
I want a culture! It's not fair! What was that? Only child.
Justin? Tell me about my lucky break.
Tell me how that happened.
Look, I was talking rubbish.
No, you weren't.
And I think I know exactly what you meant.
How lucky was I to break into the first-grade team? What? I was in the reserves, couldn't get a start.
And, suddenly, one of our players gets involved in a drunken brawl.
Pictures in the paper - bam! It's a scandal.
I've got no idea what you're talking about.
Yeah, you do.
I think I just figured out your scam.
And I'm gonna talk about it in court.
OK, I'm late for a meeting.
My first big game - Saturday 10 June.
Six goals, mark of the round, best debut since Ade McAdam.
I know your stats, mate.
I was there.
Yeah.
You know who wasn't there? Kent Shockwell.
Banned for three weeks for bringing the game into disrepute the week before.
So you got promoted, you did good.
The rest is history, like Kent Shockwell himself.
What's your point? Kent always said his drinks were spiked.
I never believed him.
No-one believed him.
He was telling the truth.
No-one forced him into the Bullhorn or any other bar.
No-one held him down, made him drink.
No, but they led him on, they got him wasted and when he got extra messy, they rang the newspapers.
Probably slipped the bouncers a few bucks to slap him round.
That's your deal with Zeeben, right? OK.
See ya.
You did it, Rodney.
Kent wasn't your client, so you set him up, got him banned, just so your own client could get a run.
That's pretty ridiculous.
Oh, is it? I reckon it's classic Rodney Morgan.
I just can't believe it's taken me this long to figure out.
How many others have you done it to? You know, you'd never prove it not in a million years, even if it were true.
You wrecked that man's life.
Nobody forced him into a bar.
Did you do it to me? Did you set me up? Why would I do that? You were my client.
For a shot at Nicola.
Nah.
You lost her all by yourself.
Darling, it's a football.
It's for Harmony Day because football is our national passion.
I'm taking Pasquale.
But Pasquale is a bear.
OK? He's not even an Australian bear.
I'm taking Pasquale! Look, if we do this, I'll have proof, and I get to see my kids more often than Christmas, you know? Yeah, I get it.
I still think you're insane.
I second that.
You're taking the football! Come on.
We can do this.
He's probably got a gun.
He's gonna shoot my tyres and my back window.
I don't think my insurance covers that.
That's him - Barrett Cox.
Coxy.
Beautiful hands.
Hey! Hey! Come back here! Come on, come on! Get ready, get ready.
Go, go, go, go! "BC catch tonyte.
" "Nyte" - "N-Y-T-E".
Why can't people spell in this world anymore? BC? Is that Barrett Cox? Yeah, I reckon.
But he's not a Rodney client.
His sub is.
A kid named, uh, Foyle or Froyle or something.
Can I help you? You got any bay leaves? I need bay leaves for my stoofvlees.
There are a lot of text messages to and from Rodney.
Yeah, I just don't know if they actually prove anything.
Well, they wouldn't stand up in court, but that is a scandal waiting to happen.
The newspapers eat this stuff up.
No, they're right.
You got him over a barrel.
Yeah, but except, technically, I'm not fighting Rodney.
I'm fighting Nicola.
Same diff.
Put the pressure on him, it puts the pressure on her.
The last thing Nicola would want is another scandal.
Well Sorry, mate.
I was just No, it's OK.
It's true.
You got the smoking gun.
All you gotta do is use it.
Please, you have to believe me.
Rodney is evil.
He sets up players.
Sure.
What - and he forced you to stagger home at 8:00 in the morning, every Monday.
No Season after season.
This is not about me, Nic, OK? Rodney told me you'd come to me, telling me some fantasy story.
It's not a fantasy.
I have evidence.
It's right here in this phone - text messages, emails from Rodney to this bouncer, Zeeben.
A bouncer? Where? At a nightclub.
The Bullhorn Club.
Oh, my God! Are you serious? You're back there again, with that pole dancer, aren't you? She's not a pole dancer, Nic.
Listen to me, please, Nic Listen to me.
Do you have any idea what it was like for me? To be on the news and in the papers? To have reporters trying to get at me? At the kids? You and her you made our family a national joke.
And now you want me to believe that Rodney is the evil one.
Hey, I am so sorry for missing the meeting with the real estate guy.
I tried calling you.
I left messages.
Oh, the apartment was just no good anyway.
It really was an emergency about the custody case.
Oh, Justin, honestly, I'm not one of those people.
I'm not gonna beg or flip out or fight with you.
You know when I said before Yeah.
You want to take it back? No.
No, I don't.
I meant it.
Times 12.
But you have so much going on in your life.
Like the ex-wife and the court case and your kids.
Yeah, it's slightly crowded.
Yeah.
And I know that the kids are the most important thing.
You know, I get it.
I do.
Yeah.
I get that.
But at the same time, you don't.
Well I'm not a mum, so Look, I've screwed up in my life, in my family, and I'm trying to undo that now.
I just I think I should leave you to it.
Wow.
That's, um not what I was expecting.
Me neither.
Where is it? My phone.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Falafel? Hello, everyone.
Welcome to the Harmony Day ceremony a celebration of culture and respect.
Harmony Day is a very important day to us here at Nepean South, and today, we're gonna put on a very special performance for all of the parents, the grandfriends and carers A little later on, we're all going to join together to sing our special Harmony Day song What do you mean you can't make it? We spoke about this.
Yeah, and I came home to change.
I was coming straight there.
But they need me back at work.
We're flat-out.
We're a doctor down.
Why - someone's bruised a bicep? I can't get there, OK? I'm Mark! In celebration of peace and togetherness.
But right now, our kids are gonna perform to you 'We've Got the Whole World in Our Hands'.
Why is it that we're always late? We're not late.
They just started early.
You right there, Grandpa? You're limping.
Yep.
Hang onto this, will you? I've got something in my shoe.
Mmm! It actually smells good.
Yeah.
What'd you expect? Four generations of Flemish love and craft and knowhow.
Whoa! Careful! Aaagh! We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world in our hands She looks crazy.
She looks cute.
Crazy cute.
She's our kid.
We've got the whole world I'll come to the fostering seminar.
We've got the whole world And then we'll see.
We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world in our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world in our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world In our hands We've got the whole world in our hands It's pretty good, isn't it? This bit has grass on it.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have this one.
Have have that.
Mum's here.
Mummy! Hey, boys! How'd you go? Pretty good.
We've got falafel.
Yes, you've got it all over you.
Oh, yeah.
Look, all that stuff about Rodney I won't bring it up in court.
Because none of it's true.
Who knows? Come on, boys.
Let's go.
What about your bag? Here.
Be good, huh? Aaaah! Bye, Daddy.
Have fun.
See ya.
We got the whole world In our hands We got the whole wide world In our hands We got the whole world In our hands We got the whole world In our hands