I Love Lucy (1951) s01e07 Episode Script
The Séance
(I Love Lucy theme music plays) Good morning, dear.
Uh, what cooks with the breakfast? Yes, dear.
Oh, breakfast, yeah.
Oh, oh.
What's so interesting? Numerology, it's just fascinating.
Oh, no, what happened to reading palms tea leaves and horoscopes? Nothing, only this is so much better than any of them.
Oh, it's a lot of nonsense.
It is not.
Now you read that book and see for yourself, Five.
Five? Yeah, that's your name in numerology- I figured it out.
Oh, no.
Drink your two before it gets cold.
Now, wait a minute, before this thing gets out of hand I think I better nip it in the three.
Watch your language! Now look, honey, you're a grown woman and this is the 20th century.
Why don't you forget all these superstitions and crazy ideas? They are not crazy ideas.
For all you know, Ricky Ricardo, you might be going through life with the wrong name.
Hey, I better figure out the right one for you.
Maybe if you're something besides five, it'll help our vibrations.
Lucy.
What? Don't you like the way I vibrate? Oh, now you be quiet and let me figure this out.
Let's see now, two and three are five and "C" is six.
Now we need four and "O" is two.
There you are.
That's the perfect name.
Uh-oh.
What is it? Genevieve.
That'd be interesting.
Of course, you'll have to buy towels marked "hers" and "hers.
" Look, I got a wonderful idea.
Why don't you just call me Ricky Ricardo and forget all the numerology nonsense? Uh-oh, you dropped some silverware.
That means company is coming.
And it's a fork.
That means it's going to be a woman.
Oh, and my palm itches.
You know what that means, don't you? The woman is wearing woolen underwear? No.
You didn't take a shower this morning? No, it means I'm going to get some money.
Ha! Now, you just watch- a woman is going to come to the door today and give me some money.
I tell you what, my witch doctor friend- I'll make a deal with you.
What? If a woman comes to the house and gives you some money I will give you ten bucks.
Oh, you're a doll.
Thank you.
But Oh, but.
Yes, but if this loaded female does not appear, eh? You will forget all about these horoscopes, numerology and superstition and all the rest of the nonsense, all right? It's a deal.
It's a deal.
Good morning, Lucy.
She's a woman.
I guess so.
Well, thanks.
Now that that's settled, how are you, Three? I'm fine, Seven.
Oh.
Five got out on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
Here's the mail.
Mr.
Six just brought it.
Oh, thank you.
And here's the dollar I borrowed from you yesterday.
Thank you.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
I better leave for rehearsal before I lose my sanity.
Good-bye, Three.
Good-bye, Five.
Why do you have that idiotic smile on your face? I was just thinking of a perfect 16 I used to know.
Oh, get out of here.
Hey, by the way, my barber is going to call this morning to see if I can make it this afternoon for a haircut.
Tell him yes.
Oh, wait a minute now, wait a minute.
I want to look up your horoscope.
This might not be a good day for you to have a haircut.
Good-bye, Lucy.
Wait a minute, here it is- Gemini, Gemini.
"This is your big day.
Everything you do today will turn out well.
" Okay, Ricky, it's all right for you to get a haircut.
Well, I don't know.
I'm worried.
About what? You'd better look up the barber and see if it's a good day for him to give me a haircut.
Oh Now you go on.
You feel free to say yes to everything today no matter what it is.
Oh, boy, will I! Let's see what my horoscope is.
What are you, Ethel? I'm Leo.
And the old lion sure is in a rut.
It says exactly the same thing it said yesterday.
Really? Yeah.
Matter of fact, this is yesterday's paper.
What? Mm-hmm.
See? Oh, no, and I told Ricky to say yes to everything today and this may be his "no" day.
What did I do with today's paper? Oh, no.
Oh.
I got to find that horoscope.
Here it is- Gemini, Gemini, Gemini.
(gasps) What does it say? "This is not your day.
"Danger lurks everywhere.
"Climb in a hole and pull the hole in after you.
Don't agree to anything.
" Oh, my goodness.
Oh, poor Ricky.
Out with a "yes" on his lips on a "no" day.
He shouldn't even go to the barber.
He might lose an ear or something.
(phone rings) That must be the barber.
Hello.
No, the answer is no.
Look, Ricky told me you were going to call and the answer is no- N-O.
See here, what is your name? Merriweather? Well, listen, Merriweather, I'm going to recommend to Mr.
Ricardo that he have nothing more to do with you.
One of his sideburns is always higher than the other anyway.
Good-bye.
That takes care of Merriweather.
You sure saved Ricky from that.
I better call him at the club and tell him to come home and hide.
I got to go.
So long, Three.
Good-bye, Seven.
Lucy! LUCY: Oh, honey, am I glad you came back! I was reading the wrong newspaper.
This is one of your bad, bad days of all time.
You can't talk to anybody or transact any business.
You better get in bed and pull the covers over your head.
I think I'm reasonably safe sitting here.
Well, honey, I don't know.
Did anybody call? Just the barber- I told him no.
Nobody else? No.
Well, good.
I came back because I remember I'm expecting a very important phone call here this morning.
What about? I don't want to talk about it.
It's bad luck to talk about a big deal before it's set.
Just keep your fingers crossed.
Well, if it's that big, I'll do better than that.
Aren't you overdoing it a little? I'm not finished yet.
Well, that should keep the bad spirits away.
Now, go in the kitchen and do your dishes and don't think about it anymore.
The call should come through any minute.
Well, I'm not gonna uncross anything.
You sure nobody called? Just the barber.
Well, that's good, because I want to make sure to talk to Mr.
Merriweather personally.
What's the matter? Ricky, what's your barber's name? Nick.
Nick what? Vascalupas.
Just as a matter of idle curiosity who's Mr.
Merriweather? Well, I guess there's no harm in telling you.
He's one of the biggest theatrical producers in town and he's going to call me here this morning and offer me a job in one of his next shows.
Isn't that wonderful? Oh, yeah, wonderful.
Ah, honey, if this thing comes through, all our worries are over.
You can have anything that you ever dreamed about.
I'm going to buy you the biggest diamond ring in town.
Diamond ring? Yes, and I'm going to buy you a full-length mink coat.
A mink coat? And the longest, shiniest Cadillac in the whole world.
(wailing) Lucy, is there something wrong? Oh, Ricky, I've done a terrible thing.
But before I tell you, is there any chance that Vascalupas has changed his name to Merriweather? Lucy Lucy? What have you done? Lucy, what have you done? Stand still and I'll tell you.
Well? Well, Mr.
Merriweather called and I thought it was the barber and I told him no.
What?! I was only trying to help! Help?! Help! I'll call him and explain.
You'll do better than that.
You're going to go down there in person on your knees.
Come on.
Oh, won't we get there faster if we take a cab? Come on.
Tillie.
Tillie, if you can hear me, answer on the Ouija board.
(phone buzzes) Yes? Oh, send them in.
Hello, Mr.
Ricardo.
Hello, Mr.
Merriweather.
This is my wife, Lucy.
She has something to tell you.
Oh, how charming.
Mr.
Merriweather, it was a big mistake saying no to you today.
You see, I thought Oh, wait, please, please.
I can't discuss any more business today.
It's after 12:00.
After 12:00? Yes, my horoscope says no more business after noon today.
Oh, you follow horoscopes? Yes.
I'm Scorpio.
Oh, I'm Taurus.
I'm cooked.
Well, won't you, won't you sit down? Yes.
You see, you see, Mr.
Merriweather, the reason that I said no was because Ricky's horoscope said that it was a very bad day for him to accept anything.
Oh, yes, I understand perfectly.
Well, Mr.
Merriweather, if you understand, maybe we could discuss about Oh, Ricky, if the stars say that he can't discuss business, that means he can't discuss it.
Now, you see, important people like Mr.
Merriweather are interested in horoscopes, numerology and all of that.
Oh, you study numerology? Of course.
I'm a one.
I'm a three.
I'm a five.
We're all odd, aren't we? Do you Ouija? How's that? Do you Ouija? Well, I'm not sure.
I mean, have you had any success with the Ouija board? Oh, Ouija board! Oh, no, I haven't gotten around to that yet.
Oh, too bad- I've worn out three of them trying to contact my dear, departed Tillie who left me three years ago.
Oh, I understand.
I wish I could find a good séance.
You wouldn't happen to know where they're having one Mrs.
Ricardo, would you? Well, now, it just happens that we're having a séance at our house tonight.
We are? Oh, we are, we are.
And we'd love to have you come.
We just happen to have a vacant chair.
Oh, I just can't wait.
Who knows? I may even get to talk to Tillie tonight.
Lucy, this is just plain silly.
If Mr.
Merriweather finds out that we're doing this just for him, he'll never give me a job.
Oh, honey, he won't find out.
Now, Ethel will be the medium and you and I and Fred will just it here hold hands.
Well, what good would that do? Well, now, you never can tell.
Before the evening is over, we may see a spook.
Don't tell me you invited your mother.
Well! (humming snake charmer music) Introducing Rhea, the medium.
Well done, medium Rhea.
(all laughing) Ethel, you look sensational.
That's a wonderful getup.
Isn't it? Fred, what are you doing with this? It's not a Shriners' convention, you know.
Come on, Fred, help me get some ice.
All right.
Oh, bring the bucket, will you? Ethel, I want to tell you something before the boys come back.
What? I have a feeling we're going to contact the other side tonight.
Yeah? What makes you think so? Shake hands with Tillie Merriweather.
Huh? Ricky will kill me if he knows what I'm planning, but after everybody gets seated, I'm going to sneak away from the circle and I'm going to be the voice of Tillie.
Where will you be? Well, I'll be right over there behind you, near the fireplace.
Help me with the chairs.
Listen, Fred, Lucy will kill me for even thinking about this, but as long as we're going to go through with the séance, Mr.
Merriweather might as well really contact his wife.
Yeah.
Now, would you care to help me, Mrs.
Merriweather? I think you've snapped your twig, son.
Now look, Fred, it's very simple.
All you have to do is pretend that you have a headache and that you want to go downstairs to bed, see? Then, as soon as the séance gets going, I'll stamp my foot twice, you sneak up, and pretend to be the voice of Mrs.
Merriweather.
Now, do you think you can sound like a female spirit? (high voice): Well, I don't know, but I can certainly try, dear old boy.
Good girl.
I mean, uh I meant, good boy.
Now listen, Fred, don't be too obvious about the headache.
We don't want them to suspect anything.
Don't ham it up.
(moaning) Fred, is something wrong? It's my head.
Oh.
Aren't we going to have fun at this séance? Well, I guess so.
You look seriously ill to me.
Oh, if it's his head, he's all right.
There's nothing up there to hurt.
Why, you cruel, heartless woman.
Speaking to a sick man like this without any sympathy.
Fred, you better go to bed downstairs.
Go to bed, Fred.
(doorbell buzzes) Oh, good evening, Mr.
Merriweather, come in.
Hello, Mrs.
Ricardo.
Good evening.
Oh, good evening, Mr.
Merriweather.
I'll take your coat and hat.
Thank you.
Mr.
Merriweather, I'd like to present Madame Ethel Mertzola.
She's going to be our medium tonight.
She's psychopathic.
How do you do? Oh, how do you do? Oh, I've been thinking about this all afternoon.
You know, I have a feeling that tonight I'm going to contact Tillie.
BOTH: So have I.
Well, is everybody ready? Yes, I feel real trancey.
Good.
Uh, you sit here, Mr.
Merriweather.
Ricky, you're over there, dear.
All right.
I'll turn out the lights.
Okay, I'll move this one over here.
All right, Madame.
Now, everybody join hands.
Now everybody close their eyes and keep them tightly closed.
The spirits must not see the whites of your eyes.
Close your eyes and concentrate.
(sneezes) Oh, excuse me.
God bless you.
Oh, thank you.
I am now going into a trance.
I shall try to contact Tillie.
The next voice you hear will be the voice of Tillie.
Oh.
What's the matter? Um, my foot was asleep.
Oh.
Is everyone comfortable now? I'm comfortable.
Are you, Ricky? Yes, I am.
How about you, Lucy? Yes, I'm comfortable.
All right, here we go.
I shall now contact Tillie.
Ethel to Tillie.
Come in, Tillie, over.
(sneezes) Tillie.
Tillie, is that you? (high voice): Yes, it's me, Tillie.
But Tillie, that sneeze, are you sick? (normal voice): Sick? I'm dead.
Oh, that's right.
But wait, if you're a spirit, how can you have a cold? (high voice): I went out last night without my shroud.
Oh.
Ow! What's the matter? Oh, I burned myself.
It's awfully hot here.
Oh, that's where you are! Oh, Tillie, I'm so disappointed in you.
Oh, well, I have to go now.
Oh, no, no, no! No, wait, Tillie, wait.
Tillie, I've always wanted to ask you something.
What? Tell me, Tillie- who did you like the best, me or Mrs.
Merriweather? Huh? I said, who did you like the best, me or Mrs.
Merriweather? Well, you, of course.
Oh, this is the most exciting day in my life.
Tillie liked me the best.
Oh, now Now, if if I may, I'd like to try and contact Mrs.
Merriweather.
Mrs.
Merriweather? Well, all right.
Ethel to Mrs.
Merriweather.
Ethel to Mrs.
Merriweather.
Come in, Mrs.
Merriweather.
Over.
FRED (high voice): Hello! Is is that you, my dear? Yes, darling.
Darling? That doesn't sound like Adelaide.
Shut up, you worm! That's Adelaide! Oh, what terrible memories it brings back to me.
Uh, my trance is wearing off.
I think you'd better hang up now.
All right, good-bye, Adelaide.
Good-bye.
Good-bye, Tillie.
LUCY (high voice): Good-bye.
Well, everybody unclasp hands now.
Open your eyes.
Well, this has certainly been an eventful evening.
Yes.
Well, I must dash home immediately and write it in my diary.
RICKY: I'll get your coat, sir.
Thank you.
Oh, Mrs.
Ricardo, I just can't thank you enough.
Well, it's been a pleasure.
Good night, Madame Mertzola.
Oh, good night.
I'll walk you downstairs.
Oh, Lucy, you were great.
I'd never have known you did those two voices.
I didn't.
You didn't? No.
Ethel, you underestimate your transmitter.
You really contacted the other side.
(gasps) I did? Yes.
Oh, Lucy, I'm frightened.
So am I.
Hello, Fred.
Hello.
Yippee! (all scream) Honey you got the best horoscopes in town.
Well, thank you.
You know what he did? What? Mr.
Merriweather gave me an even better job.
He's going to star me in one of his next shows.
(all congratulating him) Oh, listen, Ricky, I have a confession to make.
I did a terrible thing.
I was the voice of Tillie.
But that other voice, Mrs.
Merriweather, it was real.
(high voice): It certainly was.
Fred Mertz.
You were the other voice.
Yeah, and I thought Tillie was a real spook.
Oh, no! Wait a minute, wait a minute, there's something else I don't understand.
If Tillie wasn't Mrs.
Merriweather, who was she? Oh, well, um, Mr.
Merriweather explained that to me, and he paid you a great compliment.
He said he knew it was the real thing because it sounded exactly like Tillie if she could talk.
Well, that's very flattering.
If she could talk? Well, you see Tillie was Mr.
Merriweather's cocker spaniel.
Oh, no! (I Love Lucy theme music plays) WGBH access.
wgbh.
org
Uh, what cooks with the breakfast? Yes, dear.
Oh, breakfast, yeah.
Oh, oh.
What's so interesting? Numerology, it's just fascinating.
Oh, no, what happened to reading palms tea leaves and horoscopes? Nothing, only this is so much better than any of them.
Oh, it's a lot of nonsense.
It is not.
Now you read that book and see for yourself, Five.
Five? Yeah, that's your name in numerology- I figured it out.
Oh, no.
Drink your two before it gets cold.
Now, wait a minute, before this thing gets out of hand I think I better nip it in the three.
Watch your language! Now look, honey, you're a grown woman and this is the 20th century.
Why don't you forget all these superstitions and crazy ideas? They are not crazy ideas.
For all you know, Ricky Ricardo, you might be going through life with the wrong name.
Hey, I better figure out the right one for you.
Maybe if you're something besides five, it'll help our vibrations.
Lucy.
What? Don't you like the way I vibrate? Oh, now you be quiet and let me figure this out.
Let's see now, two and three are five and "C" is six.
Now we need four and "O" is two.
There you are.
That's the perfect name.
Uh-oh.
What is it? Genevieve.
That'd be interesting.
Of course, you'll have to buy towels marked "hers" and "hers.
" Look, I got a wonderful idea.
Why don't you just call me Ricky Ricardo and forget all the numerology nonsense? Uh-oh, you dropped some silverware.
That means company is coming.
And it's a fork.
That means it's going to be a woman.
Oh, and my palm itches.
You know what that means, don't you? The woman is wearing woolen underwear? No.
You didn't take a shower this morning? No, it means I'm going to get some money.
Ha! Now, you just watch- a woman is going to come to the door today and give me some money.
I tell you what, my witch doctor friend- I'll make a deal with you.
What? If a woman comes to the house and gives you some money I will give you ten bucks.
Oh, you're a doll.
Thank you.
But Oh, but.
Yes, but if this loaded female does not appear, eh? You will forget all about these horoscopes, numerology and superstition and all the rest of the nonsense, all right? It's a deal.
It's a deal.
Good morning, Lucy.
She's a woman.
I guess so.
Well, thanks.
Now that that's settled, how are you, Three? I'm fine, Seven.
Oh.
Five got out on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
Here's the mail.
Mr.
Six just brought it.
Oh, thank you.
And here's the dollar I borrowed from you yesterday.
Thank you.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
I better leave for rehearsal before I lose my sanity.
Good-bye, Three.
Good-bye, Five.
Why do you have that idiotic smile on your face? I was just thinking of a perfect 16 I used to know.
Oh, get out of here.
Hey, by the way, my barber is going to call this morning to see if I can make it this afternoon for a haircut.
Tell him yes.
Oh, wait a minute now, wait a minute.
I want to look up your horoscope.
This might not be a good day for you to have a haircut.
Good-bye, Lucy.
Wait a minute, here it is- Gemini, Gemini.
"This is your big day.
Everything you do today will turn out well.
" Okay, Ricky, it's all right for you to get a haircut.
Well, I don't know.
I'm worried.
About what? You'd better look up the barber and see if it's a good day for him to give me a haircut.
Oh Now you go on.
You feel free to say yes to everything today no matter what it is.
Oh, boy, will I! Let's see what my horoscope is.
What are you, Ethel? I'm Leo.
And the old lion sure is in a rut.
It says exactly the same thing it said yesterday.
Really? Yeah.
Matter of fact, this is yesterday's paper.
What? Mm-hmm.
See? Oh, no, and I told Ricky to say yes to everything today and this may be his "no" day.
What did I do with today's paper? Oh, no.
Oh.
I got to find that horoscope.
Here it is- Gemini, Gemini, Gemini.
(gasps) What does it say? "This is not your day.
"Danger lurks everywhere.
"Climb in a hole and pull the hole in after you.
Don't agree to anything.
" Oh, my goodness.
Oh, poor Ricky.
Out with a "yes" on his lips on a "no" day.
He shouldn't even go to the barber.
He might lose an ear or something.
(phone rings) That must be the barber.
Hello.
No, the answer is no.
Look, Ricky told me you were going to call and the answer is no- N-O.
See here, what is your name? Merriweather? Well, listen, Merriweather, I'm going to recommend to Mr.
Ricardo that he have nothing more to do with you.
One of his sideburns is always higher than the other anyway.
Good-bye.
That takes care of Merriweather.
You sure saved Ricky from that.
I better call him at the club and tell him to come home and hide.
I got to go.
So long, Three.
Good-bye, Seven.
Lucy! LUCY: Oh, honey, am I glad you came back! I was reading the wrong newspaper.
This is one of your bad, bad days of all time.
You can't talk to anybody or transact any business.
You better get in bed and pull the covers over your head.
I think I'm reasonably safe sitting here.
Well, honey, I don't know.
Did anybody call? Just the barber- I told him no.
Nobody else? No.
Well, good.
I came back because I remember I'm expecting a very important phone call here this morning.
What about? I don't want to talk about it.
It's bad luck to talk about a big deal before it's set.
Just keep your fingers crossed.
Well, if it's that big, I'll do better than that.
Aren't you overdoing it a little? I'm not finished yet.
Well, that should keep the bad spirits away.
Now, go in the kitchen and do your dishes and don't think about it anymore.
The call should come through any minute.
Well, I'm not gonna uncross anything.
You sure nobody called? Just the barber.
Well, that's good, because I want to make sure to talk to Mr.
Merriweather personally.
What's the matter? Ricky, what's your barber's name? Nick.
Nick what? Vascalupas.
Just as a matter of idle curiosity who's Mr.
Merriweather? Well, I guess there's no harm in telling you.
He's one of the biggest theatrical producers in town and he's going to call me here this morning and offer me a job in one of his next shows.
Isn't that wonderful? Oh, yeah, wonderful.
Ah, honey, if this thing comes through, all our worries are over.
You can have anything that you ever dreamed about.
I'm going to buy you the biggest diamond ring in town.
Diamond ring? Yes, and I'm going to buy you a full-length mink coat.
A mink coat? And the longest, shiniest Cadillac in the whole world.
(wailing) Lucy, is there something wrong? Oh, Ricky, I've done a terrible thing.
But before I tell you, is there any chance that Vascalupas has changed his name to Merriweather? Lucy Lucy? What have you done? Lucy, what have you done? Stand still and I'll tell you.
Well? Well, Mr.
Merriweather called and I thought it was the barber and I told him no.
What?! I was only trying to help! Help?! Help! I'll call him and explain.
You'll do better than that.
You're going to go down there in person on your knees.
Come on.
Oh, won't we get there faster if we take a cab? Come on.
Tillie.
Tillie, if you can hear me, answer on the Ouija board.
(phone buzzes) Yes? Oh, send them in.
Hello, Mr.
Ricardo.
Hello, Mr.
Merriweather.
This is my wife, Lucy.
She has something to tell you.
Oh, how charming.
Mr.
Merriweather, it was a big mistake saying no to you today.
You see, I thought Oh, wait, please, please.
I can't discuss any more business today.
It's after 12:00.
After 12:00? Yes, my horoscope says no more business after noon today.
Oh, you follow horoscopes? Yes.
I'm Scorpio.
Oh, I'm Taurus.
I'm cooked.
Well, won't you, won't you sit down? Yes.
You see, you see, Mr.
Merriweather, the reason that I said no was because Ricky's horoscope said that it was a very bad day for him to accept anything.
Oh, yes, I understand perfectly.
Well, Mr.
Merriweather, if you understand, maybe we could discuss about Oh, Ricky, if the stars say that he can't discuss business, that means he can't discuss it.
Now, you see, important people like Mr.
Merriweather are interested in horoscopes, numerology and all of that.
Oh, you study numerology? Of course.
I'm a one.
I'm a three.
I'm a five.
We're all odd, aren't we? Do you Ouija? How's that? Do you Ouija? Well, I'm not sure.
I mean, have you had any success with the Ouija board? Oh, Ouija board! Oh, no, I haven't gotten around to that yet.
Oh, too bad- I've worn out three of them trying to contact my dear, departed Tillie who left me three years ago.
Oh, I understand.
I wish I could find a good séance.
You wouldn't happen to know where they're having one Mrs.
Ricardo, would you? Well, now, it just happens that we're having a séance at our house tonight.
We are? Oh, we are, we are.
And we'd love to have you come.
We just happen to have a vacant chair.
Oh, I just can't wait.
Who knows? I may even get to talk to Tillie tonight.
Lucy, this is just plain silly.
If Mr.
Merriweather finds out that we're doing this just for him, he'll never give me a job.
Oh, honey, he won't find out.
Now, Ethel will be the medium and you and I and Fred will just it here hold hands.
Well, what good would that do? Well, now, you never can tell.
Before the evening is over, we may see a spook.
Don't tell me you invited your mother.
Well! (humming snake charmer music) Introducing Rhea, the medium.
Well done, medium Rhea.
(all laughing) Ethel, you look sensational.
That's a wonderful getup.
Isn't it? Fred, what are you doing with this? It's not a Shriners' convention, you know.
Come on, Fred, help me get some ice.
All right.
Oh, bring the bucket, will you? Ethel, I want to tell you something before the boys come back.
What? I have a feeling we're going to contact the other side tonight.
Yeah? What makes you think so? Shake hands with Tillie Merriweather.
Huh? Ricky will kill me if he knows what I'm planning, but after everybody gets seated, I'm going to sneak away from the circle and I'm going to be the voice of Tillie.
Where will you be? Well, I'll be right over there behind you, near the fireplace.
Help me with the chairs.
Listen, Fred, Lucy will kill me for even thinking about this, but as long as we're going to go through with the séance, Mr.
Merriweather might as well really contact his wife.
Yeah.
Now, would you care to help me, Mrs.
Merriweather? I think you've snapped your twig, son.
Now look, Fred, it's very simple.
All you have to do is pretend that you have a headache and that you want to go downstairs to bed, see? Then, as soon as the séance gets going, I'll stamp my foot twice, you sneak up, and pretend to be the voice of Mrs.
Merriweather.
Now, do you think you can sound like a female spirit? (high voice): Well, I don't know, but I can certainly try, dear old boy.
Good girl.
I mean, uh I meant, good boy.
Now listen, Fred, don't be too obvious about the headache.
We don't want them to suspect anything.
Don't ham it up.
(moaning) Fred, is something wrong? It's my head.
Oh.
Aren't we going to have fun at this séance? Well, I guess so.
You look seriously ill to me.
Oh, if it's his head, he's all right.
There's nothing up there to hurt.
Why, you cruel, heartless woman.
Speaking to a sick man like this without any sympathy.
Fred, you better go to bed downstairs.
Go to bed, Fred.
(doorbell buzzes) Oh, good evening, Mr.
Merriweather, come in.
Hello, Mrs.
Ricardo.
Good evening.
Oh, good evening, Mr.
Merriweather.
I'll take your coat and hat.
Thank you.
Mr.
Merriweather, I'd like to present Madame Ethel Mertzola.
She's going to be our medium tonight.
She's psychopathic.
How do you do? Oh, how do you do? Oh, I've been thinking about this all afternoon.
You know, I have a feeling that tonight I'm going to contact Tillie.
BOTH: So have I.
Well, is everybody ready? Yes, I feel real trancey.
Good.
Uh, you sit here, Mr.
Merriweather.
Ricky, you're over there, dear.
All right.
I'll turn out the lights.
Okay, I'll move this one over here.
All right, Madame.
Now, everybody join hands.
Now everybody close their eyes and keep them tightly closed.
The spirits must not see the whites of your eyes.
Close your eyes and concentrate.
(sneezes) Oh, excuse me.
God bless you.
Oh, thank you.
I am now going into a trance.
I shall try to contact Tillie.
The next voice you hear will be the voice of Tillie.
Oh.
What's the matter? Um, my foot was asleep.
Oh.
Is everyone comfortable now? I'm comfortable.
Are you, Ricky? Yes, I am.
How about you, Lucy? Yes, I'm comfortable.
All right, here we go.
I shall now contact Tillie.
Ethel to Tillie.
Come in, Tillie, over.
(sneezes) Tillie.
Tillie, is that you? (high voice): Yes, it's me, Tillie.
But Tillie, that sneeze, are you sick? (normal voice): Sick? I'm dead.
Oh, that's right.
But wait, if you're a spirit, how can you have a cold? (high voice): I went out last night without my shroud.
Oh.
Ow! What's the matter? Oh, I burned myself.
It's awfully hot here.
Oh, that's where you are! Oh, Tillie, I'm so disappointed in you.
Oh, well, I have to go now.
Oh, no, no, no! No, wait, Tillie, wait.
Tillie, I've always wanted to ask you something.
What? Tell me, Tillie- who did you like the best, me or Mrs.
Merriweather? Huh? I said, who did you like the best, me or Mrs.
Merriweather? Well, you, of course.
Oh, this is the most exciting day in my life.
Tillie liked me the best.
Oh, now Now, if if I may, I'd like to try and contact Mrs.
Merriweather.
Mrs.
Merriweather? Well, all right.
Ethel to Mrs.
Merriweather.
Ethel to Mrs.
Merriweather.
Come in, Mrs.
Merriweather.
Over.
FRED (high voice): Hello! Is is that you, my dear? Yes, darling.
Darling? That doesn't sound like Adelaide.
Shut up, you worm! That's Adelaide! Oh, what terrible memories it brings back to me.
Uh, my trance is wearing off.
I think you'd better hang up now.
All right, good-bye, Adelaide.
Good-bye.
Good-bye, Tillie.
LUCY (high voice): Good-bye.
Well, everybody unclasp hands now.
Open your eyes.
Well, this has certainly been an eventful evening.
Yes.
Well, I must dash home immediately and write it in my diary.
RICKY: I'll get your coat, sir.
Thank you.
Oh, Mrs.
Ricardo, I just can't thank you enough.
Well, it's been a pleasure.
Good night, Madame Mertzola.
Oh, good night.
I'll walk you downstairs.
Oh, Lucy, you were great.
I'd never have known you did those two voices.
I didn't.
You didn't? No.
Ethel, you underestimate your transmitter.
You really contacted the other side.
(gasps) I did? Yes.
Oh, Lucy, I'm frightened.
So am I.
Hello, Fred.
Hello.
Yippee! (all scream) Honey you got the best horoscopes in town.
Well, thank you.
You know what he did? What? Mr.
Merriweather gave me an even better job.
He's going to star me in one of his next shows.
(all congratulating him) Oh, listen, Ricky, I have a confession to make.
I did a terrible thing.
I was the voice of Tillie.
But that other voice, Mrs.
Merriweather, it was real.
(high voice): It certainly was.
Fred Mertz.
You were the other voice.
Yeah, and I thought Tillie was a real spook.
Oh, no! Wait a minute, wait a minute, there's something else I don't understand.
If Tillie wasn't Mrs.
Merriweather, who was she? Oh, well, um, Mr.
Merriweather explained that to me, and he paid you a great compliment.
He said he knew it was the real thing because it sounded exactly like Tillie if she could talk.
Well, that's very flattering.
If she could talk? Well, you see Tillie was Mr.
Merriweather's cocker spaniel.
Oh, no! (I Love Lucy theme music plays) WGBH access.
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