iCarly s01e07 Episode Script

Okay, Halloween checklist.
I got my pumpkin carving knife.
I got my pumpkin scraping spoon.
And I got my super-scary pumpkin face design.
-I'm home.
-I never left.
-What you doing? -I'm just getting ready to turn a plain old everyday pumpkin into a serious butt-kicking jack-o'-lantern.
So where's Mr Pumpkin? -Socko's bringing one over.
-Gotta love Socko.
Yeah.
So, what are you doing for Halloween? A very special iCarly Halloween webcast.
Appropriate.
What are you and Sam gonna talk about? You know, all things Halloweenie.
Halloweenie.
Hey, look, we got a letter addressed to Apartment 13-B.
Who lives in 13-B? I don't know.
It says "occupant.
" Then just take it down to the doorman.
Lewbert? Gross, no.
Ew! He's not that bad.
Uh-huh.
And his crazy wart freaks me out.
-Just don't look at it.
-Yeah, that's so possible.
It's like a big brown hairy gumdrop.
You know I had a dream where it talked to me? -What'd it say? -I don't know.
It only speaks Spanish.
-Hey, can I have a sip of your tea? -Sure.
But that's gasoline.
Kidding.
I spent three weeks making that for you! All right, Mom.
I'll wear it! -I knew you'd laugh.
-I'm not laughing.
Sometimes my lip just quivers like this.
Uh-huh.
You just better take that off before Sam sees you in it.
I can't take it off.
My mom made it for me, and I promised her I'd wear it tonight while we do iCarly.
Bummer for you.
Hey, I gotta take this letter down to the lobby.
Wanna come? -Sure.
-Okay, so do you wanna take the stairs or do you wanna fly us there on your broom? Nice.
I'm sorry! Don't get mad and turn me into a toad.
-Carly! -I can't help it.
Socko, my bud, you got the pumpkin? Awesome.
I got my carving knife all ready to cut.
Just bring that puppy on up here.
In the elevator? Well, how come you're not coming up? Not enough room? What do you mean there's not enough room? Oh, my God.
In five, four, three, two I know, you see Somehow the world will change for me.
And be so wonderful.
Live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there.
And feel so wonderful It's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel So wake up the members of my nation It's your time to be There's no chance unless you take one And the time to see The brighter side of every situation Some things are meant to be.
So give your best and leave the rest to me Leave it all to me.
Leave it all to me.
Just leave it all to me Hey, Lewbert, the mailman put this letter in our box by mistake.
-Hey! Hey, boy! -What? -You making fun of me? -No.
Why do you think I'm making fun What's with that fake wart on your face? You think warts are funny? You think I'm happy this thing grew here? You think I like that it has hair? No.
My mom made this costume.
Well, she's sick.
You got a sick momma.
If you could please just give this letter to whoever lives in Apartment 13-B? Not possible.
No one's lived in 13-B for 15 years.
But why would you keep an apartment vacant for 15 years? 'Cause the last guy who lived there said he heard noises, saw strange things.
What? You mean like ghosts? -I can't say no more! -But I I ask him a simple question and he responded Hey, that lady's lived here longer than anybody.
-Why don't we ask her about 13-B? -Okay.
Excuse me, ma'am? I'm Carly Shay, eighth floor.
Capricorn.
I think her name's Mrs Halberstat.
Mrs Halberstat? We were wondering if you knew anything about Apartment 13-B.
Hello? Oh! Excuse me.
Okay, that was weird.
Something really bad must've happened in that apartment.
Yeah.
Hey, here comes Sam.
Great.
She's gonna see me in this costume and insult me 19 different ways.
Too easy.
Wait.
So Lewbert said the apartment's haunted? Pretty much.
Man, now I wanna sneak in there and check the place out.
Hey, that's perfect.
-What? -What's perfect? Let's do iCarly tonight from Apartment 13-B.
-Yes! -No! Come on, Freddie.
Halloween night? We do a live webcast from a supposedly haunted apartment? I say no.
If only someone cared what you say.
-And what are you? Afraid? -No! I'm just concerned for Carly's safety.
I'll be fine.
Oh, my God, giant pumpkin.
What do you mean Whoa, daddy.
-Look at that thing.
-Big, right? That's a pumpkin? Did it grow next door to a nuclear power plant? Can we eat it? My mom makes me dinner like twice a year, okay? All right.
It's time to carve the biggest jack-o'-lantern of all time.
How do you carve a pumpkin that big? Same way I make onion rings.
Stand back! Hey, iCarly starts in an hour.
I'm gonna go put on my costume.
I'm about to hit guts! Don't take this personally! -13-B.
-I say this is a bad idea.
Dude, calm down.
No one lives here.
And there's no such thing as ghosts.
-Locked.
-Uh-oh.
Locked.
Guess we have to do iCarly from our usual studio.
I'm disappointed, but, oh, well.
-I have a plan to get us in.
-What? Okay, Lewbert has keys to all the apartments, right? So I'll go down to the lobby and fake like I'm choking on a meatball.
Then, you and Sam sneak in, and when Lewbert's not looking -We're in.
-Never mind.
Here we go.
ICarly in a haunted apartment.
Get in there, Witchiepoo.
I have to go make my mom a salad.
Don't shove! Hey, careful! Sam! Would you Careful.
-Where's the light switch? -I got it.
What a dump.
Looks like nobody's been here for years.
It's creepy.
And it smells like dead bugs.
Can we please not talk about dead bugs while I'm wearing this? All right.
Now let me establish a cross-duplex transmission between my laptop and my camera.
Wow, a tech-talking witch boy.
Look out, ladies.
And iCarly is live in five, four, three, two Happy Halloween! Do the scary music.
Why the scary music? 'Cause tonight, iCarly comes to you live from an abandoned apartment.
That people swear is haunted.
So, are there really such things as ghosts? And if so, are there ghosts living in this very apartment? Do it with me this time.
Now, we pledge to stay right here In this abandoned apartment Webcasting to you live till midnight.
'Cause we're here to prove that you need light to do a web show.
-Freddie, turn the lights back on.
-I didn't turn them off.
-Freddie.
-I swear! Well, if you didn't, then who -What happened? -What is it? -I just felt something on my leg! -Come on, Carly Okay, guys, quit playing Get it off me! Get it off me! Get it off me! Kids and Halloween fun.
-Freddie.
-What are you doing? I'm setting up the night-vision lens.
Okay, let's see if this works.
Perfect.
Everybody watching can see you guys now.
Okay.
It's still Halloween, and we're webcasting to you live from an abandoned apartment Where things seem to have taken a turn for the freaky 'Cause it looks like this place may actually be haunted But I doubt it.
Just a little thunder.
Get out! Go away! -That didn't sound like thunder, Sam! -Now can we leave? We made a pledge to stay.
Get out! -I vote we cancel the pledge.
-I second Sam's vote.
Let's bail.
-It's not opening.
-Come on, just turn the knob.
-It won't turn.
-Try hitting it with something.
Not with me! Now that is a pile of pumpkin guts.
Coming.
-Trick or treat.
-Trick or treat.
Hey! How you guys doing tonight? -Good.
-Good.
-Those are some great costumes.
-Just give us the candy.
I see.
Funny story, kids.
You see, I was gonna buy candy after I carved my pumpkin Yeah, we don't care.
Give us treats.
Killing me! Killing me! Leave! Go away.
I will kill you! All right, you guys get a six-pack of diet root beer, a box of macaroni and a pouch of tuna fish.
Happy Halloween! -Stupid door! -Come on! Open it! -Get out! -We're trying! The doorknob came off.
Well, why'd you pull off the doorknob? 'Cause I wanted it for my knob collection.
Will you guys not fight in front of the ghosts? -There's no such thing as ghosts.
-Grow up, Sam! Okay, as you know, we pledged to you, the fans of iCarly, that we will not leave this apartment until midnight tonight.
A pledge we will now keep since Freddie yanked the knob off the door.
Run to the closet! Everybody in here? -I'm here.
-Here.
-Wait, whose butt is this? -Sam.
Sorry.
-Trick or treat! -Trick or treat! -Hey! Happy Halloween! -Give us treats.
Well, okay then, Mr Pushy.
Here's a carton of eggs.
Pork chop.
Jumper cables.
Here you go.
And a coconut.
Enjoy.
-This isn't candy.
-I'm sorry, I don't have any candy.
-But come back next year, okay? -Yeah.
We'll be back.
Okay, Freddie's filming me and Sam as we hide in the closet of an abandoned apartment Which we'd think is haunted if we didn't know there's no such thing as ghosts.
Yeah, keep hanging on to that dream.
I wish we could see in here.
There's a little light on my keychain.
Here, let me just turn this baby on and Good, now we can see in the Clown head! That was close.
Hey, why do my hands feel wet? -What's on my hands? -Sam, that's blood! Blood! And there you go.
You enjoy those ice cubes.
All right, I gotta finish this pumpkin.
Coming.
Macaroni, ice cubes and jumper cables? Okay, look, I'm not gonna be intimidated by a bunch of little Get him! -Open up! -Come on, open up! I gotta hide.
Hey, hey, hey! I got a noise complaint.
What's going on here? There's a dude in there who ticked us off.
We wanna beat him up.
Okey-dokey.
Beat him quietly! Quietly! -Anybody see him? -Nope.
He's gotta be here somewhere.
Okay, we thought this'd be a cool place to webcast from on Halloween But it turns out this apartment really is haunted.
This could be the very last iCarly webcast ever.
And if anything horrible happens to us Mom, I lied to you.
Those pants do make you look fat.
Die.
Die.
Die.
Die.
-Mrs Halberstat? -What's going on here? -Mother, do you know these people? -What? -Who are you? -And what are you doing here? I'm Gary.
I live here.
-Huh? -What? We thought this apartment was vacant.
No, I've lived here with my mother for the last 20 years.
Why are you here? -Well, we do this web show -iCarly.
I what? iCarly.
We're kind of doing it right now.
We heard this place was haunted.
Why do you want a marshmallow? This apartment isn't haunted.
Then why'd all the lights go out for no reason? This switch shorts out sometimes.
This one works fine.
Why is everyone whispering? Mother, turn on your hearing aid.
-What? -Better? You don't have to shout.
She's always forgetting to turn on her hearing aid.
That explains why she didn't hear you in the lobby.
Well, yeah, but that doesn't explain why we heard someone screaming,"Get out, get out" and a bunch of crazy thumping.
There was an awful spider in my room, and I was trying to kill it with my tennis racquet.
Wait, what did we feel scratching at our legs? And what knocked all that glass stuff off the shelves? -Abigail.
-Yes, where is she? Abigail, where are you, sweetheart? There she is.
She's always getting into mischief.
Who's Mummy's wicked little pussycat? Yes.
Well, explain the severed clown headin the closet.
Yeah, what about the severed clown head? -Yeah.
-Severed clown head? Oh! It's a phone.
See? Well, how come it's not plugged in? It was.
No one ever called.
-Any more questions? -Yeah.
Just before you came home, your mother walked in saying, "Die.
Die.
Die.
" I was just looking for my red hair dye.
And here it is, all spilled out.
So it wasn't blood.
Okay.
I guess this apartment isn't so haunted.
Oops.
Well, we're sorry we were in here without permission.
But when we saw this furniture we thought it was too old and gross for anyone to actually use.
Okay, wait.
Something still doesn't make sense.
Why did Lewbert tell us that no one lived here? 'Cause I'm a jerk! I got you kids good! Score one for Lewbert! -Happy Hanukkah! -Halloween.
I can't find him.
He's gotta be here somewhere.
Maybe he crawled out the Socko, this is not a good time to call.
-He's in the pumpkin! -No, I'm not! I'm the spirit of Halloween! Pumpkin noises.
Open the elevator! Help me push him in.
Come on, guys! Stop rolling me! Where's your Halloween spirit? Hey! What are you kids doing with that pumpkin? There's a dude in here.
-We're gonna roll it down the street.
-And into the ocean.
Happy Hanukkah.
Stop! The spirit of Halloween can't swim.
No, no, no, no, not into the traffic! Not into the traffic! So this wasn't exactly a normal iCarly webcast.
-But it was kind of wacky.
-Perhaps too wacky.
-Yet very Halloweenie.
-And now we're done.
Don't forget to keep coming back to iCarly.
com and checking out our site.
And be sure to check out And this is Carly's brother, Spencer.
Any words for our viewers before we sign off? Never forget to buy candy on Halloween.
-Hi, I'm William.
-And I'm Thomas.
We're twin brothers, but we're nothing alike.
We're gonna demonstrate a thing called sport stacking.
-I'm the left hand.
-And I'm the right hand.
All right.
Let's go.
And there you have it.
Sport stacking.
We love you, Carly.
We love you, Sam.
And you too, Freddie.