I'm a Virgo (2023) s01e07 Episode Script

1
- [THREE LOUD SMASHING SOUNDS]
- [MAN PANTING WHILE SMASHING]
- [ELECTRICITY ZAPS]
- [ECHOING BOOM]
[COOTIE PANTING] Split up,
and meet me at my house.
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
- [SIREN WAILING INTENSIFIES]
[DISSONANT A CAPELLA CHANTING]
[DISSONANT CHANTING MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [GLASS SHATTERING]
- [FAINT LAUGHTER]
[NEON BUZZING]
Good morning, it's 5:00 AM.
Earlier tonight, a terrorist
attack at the power plant
destroyed the plant's regulator.
Security cameras were disabled.
Authorities are still
looking into the vandals
and officials still do
not know who was involved.
[FEMALE EMT] This one's alive
too. No response, catatonic.
What the fuck happened, man?
Somebody dose him to
get to the regulator?
[PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES]
Are those footprints?
[SOFTLY] What the
- [LID CLACKS, DISC SPINS]
- [BRIGHT UPBEAT MUSIC FROM TV]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER FROM TV]
So I say to the guy, "What
is this? Johnny on a pony?"
And he says
- [BABY BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- [GIBBERISH] Boyoyoyoyoying!
- [RECORD SCRATCHES]
- [CARTOON CHARACTERS LAUGHING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
- Boyoyoyoyoying!
- [SPIT TAKE]
[CARTOON CHARACTERS LAUGHING INTENSELY]
Boyoyoyoyoying!
Boyoyoyoyoying!
- [LIVELY MUSIC]
- Boyoyoyoyoying!
[SINGS] Boyoyoyoyoyoyoying! ♪
Boyoyoyoyoying.
Boyoyoyoyoying!
Boyoyoyoyoying [SADLY] Boyoyoyoyoying
[PENSIVE] Boyoyoyoyoying
Boyoyoyoyoying.
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
- Boyoyoyoyoying!
Boyoyoyoyoying?
- [GEESE HONK]
- [SADLY] Boyoyoyoyoying
Boyoyoyoyoying Boyoyoyoyoying
- [SOLEMN PIANO MUSIC BEGINS SOFTLY]
- [SADLY] Boyoyoyoyoying
[CARTOON SOUNDS CONTINUE IN BACKGROUND]
[VERY SAD] Boyoyoyoyoying
[LIVELY] Boyoyoyoyoying!
Boyoyoyoyoying
- [UPLIFTING PIANO MUSIC]
- Boyoyoyoyoying!
[CHUCKLING AND CONTINUING
TO SPEAK GIBBERISH]
[PENSIVE] Boyoyoyoyoying,
boyoyoyoyoying, boyoyoyoyoying
[GIBBERISH REVERBERATING IN SPACE]
- [SOLEMN PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [GIBBERISH CONTINUES]
[WEAKLY] Boyoyoyoyoying,
boyoyoyoyoying boyoyoyoyoying
- [SOLEMN PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [WEAK GIBBERISH CONTINUES]
[HEAVY EXHALE, SNIFFLING]
[SOFTLY] Boyoyoyoyoying
Boyoyoyoyoying [CONTINUES]
[PIANO SOFTLY CRESCENDOS]
- [NIGHT SOUNDS]
- [CRICKETS CHIRP]
- [MARTISSE] One, two, three, hit it!
- [TECHNO KEYBOARD MUSIC]
[SINGS] Congratulations ♪
You the one, boy ♪
You sparked a light up on the world ♪
We raised you to be a fighter ♪
You shine just like a Jheri curl ♪
You up the ante, make the
whole world drop their panties ♪
'Cause you ♪
Why, what, what, what, what,
why you bringing up panties?
- [MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY]
- It's a metaphor.
- Metaphor for what?
- Just something that people can relate to.
Panties, revolution.
Big drawers. Parachute.
Baby. We are so proud of you.
I had to break open the
protective dome with my bare hands
because these Electro-Brapapaps,
they broke after three hits.
Yeah, well.
Y'all didn't have to go
through the sewer like we did.
I think that fucked me up more
than almost losing my
life in a high speed chase.
Where y'all totaled my
car! It's my baby, man!
What the hell were y'all
doing driving, anyway?
You're like six inches tall!
We the reason why no police
follow y'all back home, bitch.
- It's not their fault.
- Right, it's your fault.
My car was just collateral
damage in your shit.
- You saying that it's about my ego?
- Yeah.
It's a valid point. I
mean, I, I don't agree
Well if you don't agree, then
you think that it's incorrect.
- No, I'm just saying it's
- Yes. An incorrect point
- is not a valid point by definition.
- A valid point is a valid point.
- That doesn't mean that
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- [COOTIE] What you should say is
- [FLORA] The point has to be true,
- it's just valid.
- "He's wrong about it
being about your ego."
- But why would I say that?
- Just say that
[FLORA] I'm saying I agree
that it's a valid point
and I agree that it's
not about your ego
[COOTIE] Then just say
that it's not a valid point.
- But I agree that the point is
- [COOTIE, LOUDLY] It doesn't make sense
to agree to that because you should
just say it's not about my ego.
I don't have the ego.
You going off the deep end, bro.
[TECHNO MUSIC RIFF ON KEYBOARD]
- Okay, well, let's celebrate.
- [MARTISSE] Yeah, let's have a good time.
[COOTIE] Because tonight we brought
everybody's power back on, right?
And, and, and after this, posters.
There's posters that we can,
we can, we can post them up together
because we have to get the message out.
And there's different
ones and they're cool, too.
And I just need help putting them up.
And you guys can help me hand these out.
- [PAPER RUSTLES]
- [ELECTRICITY BUZZES]
- [COOTIE] What. What the fuck?
- [FELIX] Bro. Are you kidding me?
[BEAR] What the fuck is going on?
[MARTISSE] Calm down.
[COOTIE STUTTERS] H Hold
on hold on, let me think.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING FAINTLY]
[ENGINE HUMMING]
Oh, so they can just replace the
regulator as soon as we destroy it?
- [LOUD BOOM]
- [ALARM BUZZING]
- [FLORA] The fuck is that?
- [VOICE WARNING] Breech in sector one.
- I don't know.
- [VOICE WARNING] Breech in sector one.
I thought you said nobody
would know who did it
until after we announced it.
- I'm a giant, not a psychic.
- Somebody out there.
- [LOUD BOOM]
- [BUILDING MATERIALS RUMBLING]
- [SUSPENSEFUL SYNTH MUSIC]
- Is that The Hero?
There's no need to panic. You're
in a nearly impenetrable fortress.
Fuck you mean nearly?
Yeah. Excuse me, ma'am.
What does nearly mean?
- [MOM] Ma'am?
- Hey man, relax.
Bro. Do you know who that is?
Hey man, just be quiet.
You fuckin' us up.
You supposed to pull one
of these things off the wall
- and handle business.
- Shut the fuck up!
[BEAR] You supposed to
be the leader, right?
I don't really hear you
talking too much now.
Okay, okay, okay! You guys
need to leave right now.
How are we gonna leave?
There is a billionaire tech mogul
outside with rocket launchers!
And, and I'm not even the
homie with the car no more.
- That was my one power!
- There's a passage down here.
- [ALARM CONTINUES]
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
[HINGES SQUEAK]
Hurry up. Come on. Come
on. Hop in. Hurry, hurry.
Bear, do not eat that brownie, okay?
Fuck you make this
place out of, huh? Love?
[ECHOED WIND]
[FOOTSTEPS THUMPING]
Once you go down and around,
you gon' end up downtown.
You're a weird guy.
Hey Flora, you coming?
Hey. I'm not going anywhere,
I'm not leaving you here.
Somebody needs to help Felix
and the Lower Bottom folks out.
Flora, you're the only
one who has powers, okay?
- Okay?
- [BUILDING MATERIALS CRASHING]
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
[SUSPENSEFUL SYNTH MUSIC]
- [FELIX] Flora, let's go.
- Go, go
- Okay.
- Be safe, okay? I love you, too.
[SUSPENSEFUL SYNTH MUSIC CONTINUES]
[MARTISSE] Want you to
know, we proud of you.
You took it upon yourself to become
the man that you needed to be.
The whole idea was to show
people that we can win something.
That we can do something
to change things.
It seems like we're fighting
just to say we're fighting now.
Do you see how quickly they put
the fucking regulator back on?
- This is stupid.
- [HEAD SMACKS]
I mean, if we, even if we win
against The Hero, what is winning now?
[MOM] Stop talking! We need to act!
Okay, okay. Let, let's
talk about actions.
20 years you guys hide
and then you blame it on me
and you don't do anything besides
sit there and theorize some
I made all these weapons
you about to use right now.
[COOTIE] They don't even work, Dad!
This is a fucking phone on a headband!
I made those before the
iPhones even came out.
- [BUILDING MATERIALS CRASHING]
- [COOTIE] I don't trust y'all.
The only person that's knowledgeable,
that I can think of, who will
talk to me straight, is Jones.
She was right about this heist.
Nah, Jones with that half-assed
shit. Let me tell you somethin'
We had to keep you trapped inside.
To keep your ass alive.
And yeah, we lied to you.
Because you needed to be lied to.
We couldn't have made
this happen otherwise!
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
- I understand if you don't trust us
- [BUILDING MATERIALS CRASHING]
- But this is how it had to be!
Okay? I'm not gonna say what
you wanna hear right now.
So you wanna do things
your way? Go to Jones.
- [HINGES SQUEAK]
- Jones is wonderful.
[SOFT EXHALE] Go to her.
- Stop interrupting me!
- Attention. That's whatchu' want.
- I mean, consideration.
- That's what the fuck, okay.
Yo. You talk all this big
shit about working together
and keeping us all connected,
but you act like what
you do doesn't affect me.
- I wanna know you think about me.
- [INHALES SHARPLY] Look, come here.
No.
- [BRIGHT LIVELY MUSIC]
- Hell no! It's not fair.
You win the arguments and we both lose.
[COOTIE WHISPERS] Jones.
[FAINT STREET CHATTER]
I need your help.
- Fuck.
- [SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
I told you that Band
Aid shit won't work.
It's not just about changing
shit, it's how we change it.
I just thought I could give
people inspiration to fight.
You know? Like show 'em we have power.
- Look over there.
- [CROWD, ANGRY CHANTING]
[JONES] We're shuttin' shit
down at the source of power.
- This general strike is growing all over!
- [ANGRY CROWD CHANTS]
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]
- [OMINOUS HUMMING]
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
- [BODY THUMPING]
Cootie, get outta here!
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
- [TIRES SCREECH AWAY]
Great Polypheme. Let us
help you. Quick, come inside.
- [MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER]
Come! Quickly, quickly, this
way. Let us help you. In here.
- [MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
- [METAL DOOR CLANGS]
[COOTIE] Hey. Hey!
- Hey, what the fuck?
- [CLANKING SOUNDS]
- [TENSE VIOLIN MUSIC BEGINS]
- [COOTIE MUFFLED SHOUTING]
[MUFFLED] What the fuck?
Hey! What are you doing?
- [VIOLIN MUSIC SWELLS]
- [COOTIE SCREAMING]
- [GRUNTING] What the fuck?
- Get the eye!
- [COOTIE GASPING]
- The Great Polypheme.
"Shall sacrifice one
eye to save us all."
- [SOFTLY] Sam sticky note number 32.
- [COOTIE] No! No! Fuck you!
We didn't think you'd come to us soon
- [KNIFE SCRAPES]
- But here we are!
- [FOOTSTEPS PATTERING]
- With this eye
- [COOTIE MOANING]
- [METAL CLANKING]
The Great Polypheme will
impart on us, his wisdom,
- [COOTIE CONTINUES MOANING AND GASPING]
- his sight, his virility.
[COOTIE GRUNTING]
Heart, head, hands feet,
as long as I push there's no defeat.
- [METAL CLANGING]
- [YELLING]
[CULT LEADER] Shit!
[OMNIOUS MUSIC SWELLS]
- [PROTESTOR CHANTING ANGRILY]
- [ARROW TWANGING]
- Sorry. We love you Great Polypheme!
- [SPEAKER] Cootie. Watch out.
[THE HERO GRUNTS, GROANS]
[TENSE OMINOUS MUSIC]
[OMINOUS MUSIC BELLOWS LOUDLY]
[COOTIE] No. [GRUNTS] Stay down!
- It's time for a replay. You ready?
- What's your endgame?
[PUNCHES BLOWING] Shut the fuck up.
You're not, you're not a killer, Cootie!
- [TENSE DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- [SOFT PANTING] Please, please.
- Call me Thug One.
- Fine, Thug One. Fine.
No, it sounds stupid when you say it.
You call me Cootie. Call me Cootie!
I, I did. I just called you Cootie,
but you just told me
to call you Thug One.
- That's what you wanted to go by.
- Get to the point. Get to the point!
[STUTTERING] Okay, okay. Look,
look, I'm, I'm, I, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I, I was, I was wrong.
[PROTESTORS FAINTLY CHANTING]
I needed the world to
see a real super villain,
and to see me defeat him.
- But I, I, I misjudged you.
- [TRIUMPHANT BRASS MUSIC]
I, I misjudged what the world needs.
It doesn't need one.
It needs, it needs two!
Look, you and me, right
there, a dynamic duo.
You and me together, Thug One. Uh,
Cootie. You and me together. Cootie.
Putting a new face on justice.
Together. Together we can do anything.
- [THE HERO BREATHING HEAVILY]
- [CHANTING CONTINUES]
- I just have one question for you.
- Oh, okay?
Why the hell, [PANTING] in issue 247
of The Hero [PANTING CONTINUES]
Does Shalamo not have
the Incisor Lapel Emitter?
- [THE HERO LAUGHING]
- [COOTIE] Think about it.
[THE HERO LAUGHING INTENSELY]
Do you have any idea how long
I have been waiting for
someone to point that out?
I didn't think anybody was ever
gonna get that, but you got it.
- That's a great question!
- I'm glad we worked this out, you know.
I don't wanna fight anymore.
Yeah, we can, we can,
we can work together.
I wanna work with you. I've
always wanted to work with you.
Let me tell you something.
You love comic books.
- So much.
- I love comic books.
- Fuckin' so much.
- Sometimes when I'm
When I'm writing comic books,
I, I hide clues in plain sight.
Sometimes they don't lead to anything.
And sometimes, they
lead to everything.
- [ROPE WHOOSHING]
- [TENSE SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[COOTIE GROANS]
[HELPER ROBOT] Pull your damn pants up.
- [COOTIE GROANS]
- [CHAINS CLINKING]
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
- You stay down.
- [CLUB THUDDING]
- [COOTIE GRUNTING]
[PROTESTORS SHOUTING LOUDLY]
I'm taking you to your specially
built prison. Don't stress.
They're just gonna sentence
you to a couple of decades.
[WEAKLY] Fuck you.
You'll learn a trade, make some new
friends, and maybe even find God.
- [PROTESTORS CONTINUE SHOUTING]
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]
- [CHAINS CLANGING]
- [JONES] Cootie! I gotchu', I gotchu'.
You fucking fascist, aluminum
fuck! You fuckin' bitch!
- [COUGHING] Show him your thing.
- [CHAINS CLINKING]
Your thing. The thing you do.
- [CHAINS CLANGING]
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC HUMS]
Hurry up. Before those
thoughts catch up to you.
My thoughts have caught up
with me. They tell me I'm right.
Let me explain why you're
wrong. Three minutes max.
- Why would I do that?
- You're fair. Lookin' to do what's right.
'Cause You're a storyteller.
You'll appreciate this.
- [GENTLE SOMBER MUSIC]
- Okay. You got me.
Three minutes. What's your opening line?
[PROTESTORS CONTINUE SHOUTING]
You're part of the
reason that crime exists.
- Conversation over.
- [JONES] Just listen.
If I'm wrong, you ain't
got nothing to worry about.
Just at least show the people
that you're a reasonable person.
[PROTESTORS SHOUTING ANGRILY]
[JONES] 'Cause you are.
You're the good guy. Right?
[SOFTLY] Okay.
[SPIRITED SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC SWELLS]
[TRIUMPHANT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC CONTINUES TO SWELL]
[MUSIC FADES TO HUM]
[MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY]
[JONES] Capitalism must
have unemployment to exist.
[FOOTSTEPS PATTERING]
[JONES] The way the boss stops
you from asking for more money
is to threaten you implicitly
or explicitly with firing you.
If there were full employment, people
could ask whatever pay they want.
- There'd be no one to replace them.
- [JONES AND THE HERO GRUNTING]
- [OFFICE SOUNDS]
- [KEYBOARDS CLACKING, PHONES RINGING]
Publications like the
Wall Street Journal
and Financial Times openly worry
when the unemployment rate goes too low
because wages go up, profit
and stock values go down.
Capitalism must have an army of
unemployed workers in order to exist
and what do you have when you
have an army of unemployed workers?
You have an army of unemployed
workers who want to eat.
And humans are not gonna
let themselves just starve.
[ELECTRICITY HUMS]
So they get involved
in illegal business.
- [ELECTRICITY BUZZES]
- [MACHINE SOUNDS]
- [PLASTIC RUSTLING]
- [PILLS CLATTERING]
[THE HERO] You're leaving
out assaults. Murder.
All business, legal and illegal,
uses violence to regulate itself.
- [THE HERO SCOFFS]
- [TENSE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC CONTINUES]
Run.
- [WHIMSICAL TINNY ORGAN MUSIC]
- [CASHIER FAINTLY SPEAKING OVER INTERCOM]
[JONES] Run!
If you try to run out of the grocery
store with a cart full of groceries,
either you're gonna get away with it
or someone's gonna physically stop you.
[THE HERO GRUNTS, GROANS]
[JONES] Whether it's the
security or the police.
[COUGHING AND GASPING]
[OMINOUS HUMMING]
[JONES] If say a hotel
neighboring the MCI building
decided they wanted to tear down
your building to make a golf course,
- you'd use violence
- Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
This is where the law steps
in to make things civilized.
- I have a deed showing my ownership.
- [JONES] Right. So you show the deed.
[TRIUMPHANT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
- Fine.
- [PAPER FLAPS]
[JONES] The only reason that
piece of paper is worth anything
is because it implies that
men with guns are gonna come
to physically enforce
the words written on it.
[GUNS COCKING IN UNISON]
[JONES] Those men with
guns are called police.
[POLICE SHOUTING UNINTELLIGIBLY]
The paper is a placeholder
for the violence.
[MACHINE WHIRRS]
Illegal business doesn't have these.
Illegal business practitioners
can't go to court and say,
[IN HIGH VOICE] Your honor,
I was supposed to be buying
a whole key of cocaine
from the defendant.
Clearly this is half baking soda.
- I demand restitution.
- [GAVEL BANGING]
[STUTTERS] I, I've never seen
this cocaine before in my life.
They can't go to the
zoning commission and say,
"That neighborhood is only
zoned for two heroin vendors.
Unless that guy has a
special emergency permit
or wants to limit himself
to cocaine." [SCOFFS]
Often, legality or illegality,
is the only thing that determines
whether business dealings
are considered violent.
- [CHAIR SQUEAKS LOUDLY]
- [GUN COCKS]
You're gonna need this
In the 1920's when liquor
was illegal [GIGGLES]
- Go.
- [GUNSHOT IN DISTANCE]
- Go! Motherfucka, go!
- [GUNSHOT FIRING RAPIDLY]
If you rob the liquor dude,
gangsters come after you.
- Ha ha ha. [YELLS] Motherfucka!
- [LIVELY MUSIC]
- [JONES] Go!
- [TIRES SQUEALING]
Now that liquor is legal,
if you rob the liquor
dude, police come after you.
[LIVELY ADVENTUROUS MUSIC]
- In the 1990's
- [GUN COCKS]
[JONES] When weed was
illegal Pick up the bag.
[JONES SCREAMING] Hey, get the
fuck on the fucking ground, bitch!
- [GUN CLICKS]
- [JONES] I'm not fucking with you!
If you robbed the weed dude,
gangsters come after you.
- [UNINTELLIGIBLE MUTTERING]
- [JONES] Hey! Hey everyone.
- Now that weed is legal
- [BAGS RUSTLING]
[JONES] Hey everybody, pretty please,
can you just get the fuck on the ground?
Thank you so much. Not you. Get up.
If you rob the weed dude,
police come after you.
- [SIRENS WAILING]
- [POLICE YELLING]
[THE HERO BREATHING HEAVILY]
- [JONES] So [SOFT PANTING[
- [SOFT APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
Capitalism necessitates
unemployment and poverty,
- which necessitates illegal business.
- [PEOPLE MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[JONES] The regulation of
which is what causes violence.
- [GUNSHOTS FIRING]
- [JONES] How do you
tell the whole working class
That poverty and violence
are necessitated by capitalism
without them deciding
to get rid of capitalism?
You don't.
You tell them poverty is due to
bad choices of those impoverished.
[ELECTRONIC BEEPS]
[JONES] But how do you
tell the whole working class
that their economic situation
is due to their poor choices?
You don't.
You tell them that it's the
other that's making bad choices.
That is the culture of
the other that causes this.
You do this via the
news, sitcoms, cop shows,
and superhero shows.
Even when they're smart
enough to hide their point.
- [CHAINS CLANGING]
- [THE HERO GRUNTING]
[JONES] This causes part
of the working class,
even the so-called others,
to identify with the ruling class.
A group of us are trying
to change this whole thing.
[ROPES CREAKING]
If you wanted to stop so-called crime
and the violence that grows from it
- [SOFT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
- You'd be a revolutionary.
- [JONES] But you're not.
- [ORCHESTRAL MUSIC SWELLS]
[JONES] You're a tool that
helps capitalism run smoothly.
A system that creates poverty
and the crime and violence
necessitated by it.
- [BRIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
- [JONES] Man, lock yourself up.
[MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY]
[BIRDS CHIRP SOFTLY]
[GENTLE POIGNANT MUSIC]
[CHAINS CLANGING TO THE GROUND]
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
- [POIGNANT MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [PROTESTORS SHOUTING FAINTLY]
[BODYSUIT WHIRS LOUDLY]
[PROTESTORS CHEERING AND CLAPPING]
Hey. I told you I shoulda' stayed.
How did you know this would work?
- I'm a
- [BRIGHT INSPIRATIONAL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
[DRAMATIC OMINOUS MUSIC]
[MUSIC CONTINUES THROUGH CREDITS]