In Living Color (1990) s01e07 Episode Script

You can do what you wanna do In living color - In living color- You know what I'm sayin' You can do what you wanna do In living color In living color You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon It's never too lateand it's never too soon Take it from meIt's a'ight to be In living color How would you feel knowingprejudice was obsolete And all mankind dancedto the exact beat And at night it was safeto walk down the street You can do what you wanna do In living color In living color You can do what you wanna do In living color In living color Everybody hereis equally kind In living color What's mine is yoursand what's yours is mine In living color How would you feel knowingeverybody was your friend From thin to thickand through thick and thin And egotistical tripswas put to an end You can do what you wanna do In living color In living color You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon It's never too lateand it's never too soon Take it from meIt's a'ight to be In living color How would you feel knowingprejudice was obsolete And all mankind dancedto the exact beat And at night it was safeto walk down the street You can do what you wanna do In living color Ladies and gentlemen, Keenen Ivory Wayans.
[Cheering, Applause.]
There you go.
All right.
Welcome to In Living Color.
Thanks for joining us here tonight.
We got a fun show lined up.
As usual, I'd like to introduce the crew, starting with my DJ, SW One.
[Cheering, Screaming.]
And my ladies.
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.
Starting over here with Cari, Michelle, Deidre.
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Lisa and Carrie Ann.
So with no more delay, SW One, do the right thing.
You can do what you wanna do In living color In living color You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon It's never too lateand it's never too soon [Announcer.]
The Foundationfor Black History Awareness.
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is pleased to sponsor Great American Profiles.
Tonight: King, The Early Years.
Even in his earliest school days.
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young King seemeddestined to become a leader.
- Hey, hey, hey.
That's mine.
- So? Wait a minute.
Why'd you do that, boy? 'Cause I wanted to, doodie brain.
You better shut up.
Brothers, brothers, brothers.
That's no way to settle things.
There's nothing to be gained by fighting.
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unless you get paid for it.
[Woman.]
Don.
Don King,are you causing trouble again? No, Miss Patterson.
[Announcer.]
And so,a young entrepreneur began.
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what was to become his life's work.
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armed only with this one thought.
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"I think I canmake a buck doing this.
" That's right, ladies and gentlemen.
Today at noon there's gonna be the biggest.
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most prodigious fight in all the school history.
It's gonna be punch time at lunchtime.
It's gonna be the throw-down in the playground! It's going to be the rumble by the jungle gym! Give me money! Give me money! More money! [Announcer.]
This same philosophyled King to become a great innovator.
Well, I don't have any money.
Well, I'm sorry, your yo-yo is not good enough.
You're gonna have to watch on pay-per-view.
What's that? You have to look through the hole in the fence.
Okay! Let the fighting begin! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! - L-I don't wanna be fightin' him no more.
- Okay, I don't either.
[Announcer.]
King alsobecame a great motivator.
Okay, hit my hand.
Harder.
That's from him! And the winner! - [Wailing.]
- Stick with me, Leon Spinks.
You'll go all the way.
Gerry Cooney, stick to fighting white guys.
[Wailing.]
Hey, hey, hey, miss lady girl.
May I w-walk you home? - Uh-uh.
- Why not? I just "wonned" the fight.
But he gots all the money.
And a vocabulary.
I got a little present for you, young Miss Givens.
Oh, thank you.
[Announcer.]
A man of vision.
A man of integrity.
A man with a decent haircut.
He was none of these things.
But he gots all the money.
Only in America.
Only in America.
[Announcer.]
This has been Great American Profiles.
Now wait a minute, y'all.
This ain't a show just for anybody.
We got some funky fresh meat loaf happenin'.
All you sexy fly chefs, come on, let's cook.
Ah, cook it Ah, cook it - Get up on this - Oh, baby, baby B-B-B-Baby - Get up on this - Oh, baby, baby B-B-B-Baby Salt 'N' Pepa's here and we're in effect Want you to listen good We been dancin' all day but at night we're working up a sweat Yo, yo, yo, baby Pepa, yeah, you, pass me some sauce and greens Whatever, add some bread crumbs or we can't make this feast Now why don't you squeeze those eggs really hard, I wish you would - Now squish it - Squish it Squish, squish it real good - We aim to please - You know that that is our intention But we would be remiss if we neglected to mention That the regular pan we have gently bent Into the shape of the mother continent So heat it - Heat it - Heat it - Heat it good - Yeah, heat it Heat it real good We hope you have enjoyed our simple recipe Tune in again next time and you will surely see A chocolate cake that's in the shape of Kool Moe Dee Peace, y'all Hey, mon, me home! [Announcer.]
And now it's timefor another episode of Hey Mon.
With the hardest-workingWest Indian family, the Headley's.
Hey, mon.
Hey, now, mon.
How many times I got to tell you.
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not to put your uniforms on my good sofa? Don't yell at me, woman.
I drop me uniform wherever I want.
I work 15 job.
I don't have time for your foolishness when I come home.
I'm tired, damn it.
Listen, you think you're the only one work hard? I got nine job myself, you know.
Plus is I have to do all the cookin' and cleanin' and washin' around here.
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not to mention the welding.
Well, combined that's only 12 job, lazy woman.
What you think it is a job? Hey, mon.
Speaking of lazy, here's the laziest idiot ever who lived.
Young Billy Vanilli Rasta boy.
Aren't you supposed to be workin' at the hotel now? No, because I just got fired from there.
- What happened? - Why you got fired? I no carry no Yankee man's bag.
Plus, me have four perfectly good jobs left.
Four job? Let me tell you something, young Rasta boy.
When I was your age, I was a maintenance man.
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a carpenter, a cab driver, a cook.
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a hospital orderly, a security guard, a tour guide.
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a fish cleaner and an Amway distributor all in the same day.
I didn't even have time to almost make you, boy.
But, Pop, me in ten bands now.
Me don't have even a little bit of time for myself now.
Ten band and four job.
That's 14 things.
That's not as bad as I thought, boy.
Come here, you chip off the old banana boat.
Me proud of you, boy.
You hear that, you lazy neighbors? My boy got 14 job.
- Hey, mon.
- Hey, mon.
Well, well, well, if it ain't table napkin turned table cloth.
What you doin' home right now? Daddy, leave me alone.
I have a date with my new boyfriend.
Really now? Tell us about this new fella.
Well, him name is Danny.
Him American.
Him very funny.
And I think I love he! And what else? What do Daddy want to hear? Well, him very successful, you know.
Him make over $100,000 a year.
- Mama gonna be rich.
- One hundred thousand dollars? How many job he got to make $100,000? Only one.
He's a doctor.
One job! One job! - The girl dating a boy with one job.
- I hear it.
That's all you ever talk about.
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work, work, work.
What about love? Look at the two of you.
You're tired and you're bugged out all the time.
Why don't you go and take a vacation? Ah, me on vacation now from 13 job.
But Papa, how can I think about workin' when I am in love? It's just like when you and Mama just met, remember? I never love your mother.
I marry your mother because she had six job.
What happen to that nice Korean boy you was datin'? He had a hundred job.
Him dead now.
Him drop dead in a job interview.
Well, that means 100 job openings.
A hundred job openings? Someone get my newspaper.
Don't stand there.
Oh, I don't why I tell you stupid people anything.
- I'm in love and that's the most important thing.
- [All Shouting, Indistinct.]
[Woman.]
Hey, you Headley,shut up in there.
! This ain'tJersey.
[Man.]
Yeah, shut the hell up in there.
! Hey, mon! Don't nobody tell Godfreid Headley be quiet in me own house! If I didn't have to go to work, if I had the time.
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I'd come whip your ass right now! Oh, no! My God, look at the time! [All Together.]
Oh! Hey, mon! Time to go to work! [Announcer.]
Join us again soonfor Hey Mon with the Headleys.
You can't tellif they're happy or mad.
They'rejust working.
[Alarm Clocks Ringing.]
[Hip-hop.]
[Rapping.]
Frankly, Scarlett, l.
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.
Oh.
Hello, I'm Ted Turner.
And welcome to Ted Turner'sColorized Classics.
Now, the colorization of these films.
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may not agree with some people's artistic.
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.
[Spits.]
Sensibilities.
But they're mine, and I can do anything I want with them.
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Hell, I just found a way to add even more color.
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as you'll see in tonight's film, Casablanca.
Of all the jive joints in the world, she had to bring her big butt into mine.
I really loved her, you know.
And why not? She's the only woman I ever met that looked as good as me.
Here's looking at you, my darling.
Yo, Stevie, play it again.
[Singing.]
[Singing.]
That's all the time we have tonight.
Join us next time for Citizen Kane, starring Jimmy Walker.
I think you'll agree.
It's dy-no-mite.
I'm lucky enough to be Ted Turner.
Good night.
So look here, man.
The Mercedes has to be back by midnight.
- So, what we gonna do? - I don't know, man.
I passed out all the fake business cards.
We'll see what happens, man.
See what happens.
- But, yo, man, I ain't taking the friend.
- That's the way it's gotta be.
You know I'm the one whoalways makes the first move.
- So you get stuck with the leftovers.
- Not this time, man.
- Why not? - Yo, that girl's ugly, man.
- That's the best kind.
- What? I said the ugly one's the best kind, man.
They don't ask for much.
All you need is teeth and hair.
That's all they want.
That's right.
And if they leave you, you ain't depressed.
You ain't thinkin' nothin' about 'em, you know? Right.
Pretty girls, see, they want all your money.
That's right.
Just like them boys say: Never trust a big butt when it smile.
That's right.
That's the day you poisoned.
[Humming.]
What do you know about women, man? Shoot, I been married seven times, son.
Let me tell you.
That's right, all of them ugly.
That's right.
One of them was so ugly I took her down to the Wax Museum of Horror.
The man said, " Please don't let her move until we do inventory.
" [Chuckling.]
Hey, old man.
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you know a nice place around here where we can get something to eat? Your daddy's old.
You better watch it now.
Sorry.
I mean, sir, where can we find a nice place to eat around here? Well, you know, that depends on what you're in the mood for.
If you want Chinese food, I guess the best place to go is down to Chin Wangs.
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on the corner of Jefferson and Central.
It's pretty good Chinese food.
But I don't trust em, you know? They open 24 hours, man.
Never take out no garbage, you know? How's somewhere gonna be open Somethin' ain't right.
All right, man, we take the freaks to get some Chinese food, man.
That ain't the move.
It's bad.
Don't take your girl on the first date to get Chinese food, man.
That MSG will give her gas.
What about some chicken? Oh, shucks.
You said the magic word now.
You talkin' about the yard bird, huh? Oh, I know about chicken.
Right, I know about some chicken.
That's right.
Mm-hmm.
You can't get no chicken this time of night, though.
Watch out for the door, son.
- Why? - Look, you better move right about now.
What? - Happens every time they play Milli Vanilli.
- [Vomiting.]
- Take it easy, buddy.
- I'll be your buddy.
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when you put something in the can, son.
Hey, buddy, how you doin'? Right.
Tell your friend I said go to hell.
You ain't gonna wash your hands? Never mind.
[Hip-hop.]
[Rapping.]
[Announcer.]
And now, Public AccessTelevision presents Men On Books.
- Hello, I'm Blayne Edwards.
- And I'm Antoine Merriwether.
And welcome to Men On Books.
The show that looks at great literature from the past and present.
- From a male point of view.
- Mm-hmm.
Tonight we have a new sponsor.
Yes, and I'm tickled pink.
This show is brought to you by Wang.
- Don't they make computers? - Mm-hmm.
Our first classic is a book called Robinson Crusoe.
It's all about a story of a white man.
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.
who suddenly finds himself stranded on a desert island.
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.
and how he forms a beautiful friendship.
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with a virile, yet submissive black man.
The author is Daniel Defoe.
Now if he's anything like that cute little Willem Dafoe.
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.
I'll be his Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Hear, hear.
Our next book is Little Women.
- Hated it.
- Hated it.
Then of course there's Little Men.
- Hated it.
- Hated it.
Then we have Roughing It.
It's a happy tale.
Yes, this is a story about men romping through the wilderness.
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at a time when our country was still open to exploration.
It was written by Samuel Langhorne Clemens.
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known to most people as Mark Twain.
You know, if I ever had a son, I'd love to name him Langhorne.
If you ever have a son, I'll grow all my hair back.
Oh, you gonna make me read you on public access.
Don't get mad.
Look, I know who I am.
Do you? Come on, show me them little pearlies.
Now, that's the 'Toine I know.
Now we're coming to the last book.
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which is truly my personal favorite.
This one's called Moby Dick.
Open the portholes, there's a man overboard! I get goose-pimply just thinkin' about that big Mr.
Moby.
Uh, red light.
Uh, excuse me.
Mr.
Moby is a whale.
I bet he is.
This books gets the yet-unheard-of Zorro Snap.
In "Z" formation.
You know, I really got wrapped up in this story of men out on the open sea.
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danger lurkin' around every corner.
And them all snuggled up in them tiny little cabins.
Just made me want to hoist my sail and shove off with them.
Me, too.
I'd pay top dollar just to be a stow away in that story.
Oh, ditto.
Well, that's our show for tonight.
Yes, join us next time when we'll be reviewing some of Dickens.
Yes, we'll be talkin' about the classic A Tale Of Two Cities.
- I hope one of them is San Francisco.
- Me too.
Bye-bye.
Thank you very much.
Well, once again, we want to thank you for joining us.
- Hey, Rollo, tell them what to do.
- Who askin'? - Keenen.
- All right.
I'll see y'all next week.
Peace.
You can do what you want to do In living color