Kenan (2021) s01e07 Episode Script

1
Hey, so when's your mom coming to town?
- Ah, this afternoon.
- That's right.
Big Bobbi Williams is coming
for a visit.
Mm! Just in time too.
I am in dire need of some
of her signature tlc
Ticklin', lovin', chicken.
Ooh, well, sign me up
for some of your mom's
famous sloppy chicken.
But can we circle back to
the first two, right quick?
Oh, look, I am not ashamed to admit
that I need a little attention
sometimes myself, all right?
And my mom, she's like
the only person in my life
that I don't have to take care of.
We can just sit and visit
and play Boggle,
maybe drink soda right out
of the two liter
and talk about my problems for once.
Yeah, she's really gotten me
through this year.
That woman is like
sloppy chicken for the soul.
True, I mean, she has a way
of always telling you
what you need to hear.
She's the reason why I don't
wear high-waisted jeans.
- Yeah.
- Or low-rise jeans.
- Okay.
- Yeah, it's just middle jeans for Mika from now on.
Well, you better bust out
your maternity jeans tonight,
because if I know you,
Mika gon' chicken.
Uh, you're not wrong,
I'm going chicken.
Now come on, we got
Ed's retirement party.
Ugh. Can't stand that guy.
We're gonna miss you, Ed.
What will we do without
our beloved cameraman Ed,
who's leaving us at the end
of the month
after 50 years of working
with the station.
Happy retirement, Ed.
I'm heartbroken you're leaving,
I consider you a real father figure.
I'm Phil, I work with you every day.
Plus we're the same age.
How dare you?
Uh-uh, come on up, Ed. Cake time.
- I got you there, buddy.
- Hey
Ow!
Spicy to your last breath, huh Ed?
I'm retiring, not dying.
'Cause legends never die, bud.
That's right, he's so old,
he was the first black person
they allowed in this building,
couldn't touch nothing.
But, you really are part
of the greatest generation.
Our mom is coming to town this weekend,
I just love to sit around
and hear her stories.
- Is she single?
- Wh what?
No, man. She's old, like you.
Older people still get down, Kenan.
Did you know our age group
got the most STDs?
Why would you be proud of that?
You know goats can get STDs too?
Also, apparently, they're polyamorous.
I mean, we could learn a lot
from the goat community, am I right?
Yeah, I don't think that's right.
Sounds right.
You ever been to a foam party
at a nursing home?
Ooh!
I've been to a foam party
in my kid's playroom.
Why are we talking about this?
No, that's not my Mom's speed,
all right, Ed?
She likes to watch CBS
and play bridge
and put flowers on my Daddy's grave.
So she is single?
Ed, I swear, man, what'd you
Hey, look,
- I play bridge too.
- Good.
Bridge is where two guys
face each other,
and the woman lies down
between them, then
Okay, I think I've heard enough,
Yeah, happy retirement, Ed!
I'll see you again
Never thank you, bye.
I didn't even want to do this party.
[FUNKY UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Daddy, do we have to do this?
Come on, aren't you excited
to see your Nana?
- We love her.
- She's just a little boring.
She never wants to do anything
except sit and visit.
I'm eight, I need action!
Now, everyone's got their role.
Gary's the loose cannon,
Kenan is the diva,
Aubrey's the best shot we got
at generational wealth.
And, you, Birdie, are the one
that's kicked out of the
American girl doll store.
And big Bobbi's like
a sweet, reliable hug,
and I'm cool Papa Rick.
Surprisingly accurate, but look,
it's very important to me that your Nana
feel very welcome, all right?
And I get my special Ke-Nana time.
So mush, mush!
[EXAGGERATED SIGH]
Come on, bro,
you cannot still be jealous
of my relationship with Mom.
We are adults.
Me? Jealous? Of that? No.
Men who can pull off full beards
with a naked upper lip,
that I'm jealous of.
It's just, man,
Mom went crazy at everything
you did as a kid, man,
no matter what it was.
- That is not true.
- She made AND1 mixtape of you going potty,
and meanwhile, there's no
picture of me anywhere, man.
Classic case of middle child syndrome.
Middle child?
Yeah, Mom had a dog
that was the real baby of the family.
Come on, Gary,
Mama was just busier when you were a kid
because Dad died.
She loves us both the same.
She just shows it differently.
- Oh, yeah?
- Like not at all?
The only way I can get any attention
is by faking being ill or injured.
You mean, you never had
sticky liver disease?
Or loose bone syndrome?
You know, when you say 'em out loud
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Do not ruin this for me!
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Perfect! My sweet, reliable hug is here.
Mommy Mommy? What in the
- Nana!
- Holy smokes, Bobbi.
- I'm here.
- Where is the rest of you?
Oh, look at my babies.
Ooh, you got so big.
Aww. Oh.
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey, mama.
Hey, baby.
Hey, mama.
- Man, Mama, your hugs
- All hard,
and you got biceps, and triceps
Ceps on ceps on ceps, huh?
You look ten years younger,
and I should know 'cause
I look 20 years younger.
I mean, your hair's all done,
and your pants have gone
from sweat to suit.
Did the Gap Band get back
together or something?
No, but I do have a Google alert set,
- just in case they do.
- [LAUGHTER]
But, I mean, Nana, you went
from Mrs. Doubtfire
to Mrs. Straight-fire.
- BOTH: "Drag race"!
- [LAUGHING]
we watch "Drag Race" together.
All right, Rick.
Girls, Nana got a little
something from my travels.
Now, careful with that snake wine.
That's only for your enemies.
- Thanks, Nana.
- You're the best.
[BOTH LAUGH]
- Snake wine?
- Mm-hmm.
That sounds dangerous.
Well, Mama, I gotta say,
this is a lot to take in.
Are we still gonna be able
to do the stuff
that we used to do?
'Cause you know I need some
"Iyanla my Mama fix my life" time.
Your mommy is still in here.
My image just got a bit of a facelift
and so did my face and my buttocks.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- And you fine, okay?
Come on, let's go lift
some whiskey glasses,
how about that?
[MUTTERING MOCKINGLY] Okay.
Kenan, new Bobbi looks incredible.
She looks so happy.
Yeah, I think she's going through
a life crisis or something.
I'll talk to her,
right after I get my slop on.
Okay, who's ready for
Big Bobbi's famous sloppy
salad! Hey!
- What is that?
- Okay, I guess the chicken
is up underneath a layer
of this dumb lettuce?
I'm eating healthy now, honey.
This year's been
really transformative for me,
and I've realized that age
is just a number.
But your cholesterol isn't.
- Oh, that is so
- Excuse me, sweetie,
still my turn.
You gotta live every minute.
Like, the other day, I walked
into this thing called
Leathercon, thinking I was going to,
you know, find a purse or something.
But, instead, I found four
new friends named Chaz.
Ooh, baby, them gay boys can dance.
- [LAUGHS]
- Straight men can dance too.
It's usually just
from the neck up, like
- No.
- Looks like a woodpecker.
Mama, that was real?
I mean, I thought you said when
you were going to Leathercon,
that it was like code for
bunion surgery or something.
I'm seizing the day, too, Mama.
Like I'm going to see Lil Jon
do his DJ set.
I just know if we meet
then I'll sign him
as my management client,
and then he'll hear my demo,
and he'll sign me.
So you want to both sign
and be signed by Lil Jon?
- Exactly.
- Baby, that sounds like a lot of fun. I'm in.
Mama, I thought we were gonna visit?
Wait, wait, hold up,
you'd rather go out with me
than stay home with Kenan?
[LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY]
Your first round on me, Mama
And your second round too
'cause it's buy one, get one free.
Please bring your card.
Come on, Kenan, let's go
and have some fun.
Mika's in, right?
Oh, I have plans between the sheets
My spreadsheets and my bedsheets
'cause Wednesdays,
I do the books in bed
- And I will get my coat.
- That a girl.
- Girl, we gon' turn it!
- It's turn up, Mama.
And I would love to go,
but I gotta stay here
and watch my girls.
But if you would rather
go to some loud club
than stay home and play Boggle
and drinking cream soda
with your loving son,
be my guest.
[UNDER BREATH] Mm-mm.
Alone,
lonely,
low.
Oh, Kenan, thank you
for understanding, baby.
- Oh, I gotta go get my face on.
- Can we help?
- Oh, yeah, just get Nana's airbrush. Come on, girls.
- Oh, okay!
Ah Mama going out
with me, Boggle boy.
Lonely,
alone,
how that feel?
Ah, don't worry about that, Kenan.
- I'll stay home with you.
- Thank you.
And clubs are too loud anyway.
And the young people
always make fun of me,
for some weird reason
No, that does not sound like
cool Papa Rick.
I'll see ya.
Bobbi, wait for me.
Rick.
Please come back.
Anybody
[CHATTER, LAUGHTER]
Oh, my god, that was so much fun.
[LAUGHTER]
- Ooh!
- Okay?
Did you see me do a split
on the dance floor?
I saw you slip on a cocktail napkin
and nearly split that jumpsuit.
Yeah, you did. I didn't think
you were gonna get back up.
[LAUGHS MOCKINGLY] Oh, that's nice.
Y'all have a good time out?
I I'd love to hear more about it,
but unfortunately I gotta be
at work in ten minutes.
- [SCOFFS]
- Mom, I thought you was coming with me,
- see your little "Boss Baby" in action.
- Oh, of course, I'm coming Keeny.
This is not my first all-nighter.
Do you know that
every historical walking tour
in Boston ends
with ten hours of drinking?
Ooh.
- And what about you, Mika?
- Huh?
How you gonna work
after being up all night?
You usually go to bed
at sad and lonely o'clock.
Don't worry, I'm fine.
Hey, there you are, Rick.
Where did you disappear to?
I came home,
not that anybody noticed or cared.
That club sucked.
It was too loud, too boring,
and I know I say I like rap music,
but that's a lie.
I only like Steely Dan. Nothing else.
Damn, Rick.
You are so uptight,
even for a old white dude.
When did that happen?
I don't know,
but it's disconcerting as hell.
- Good night.
- [LAUGHS]
You should have seen him at
the club, he was struggling.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Yeah, yeah,
- he was struggling, right?
- [FORCED LAUGHS]
I gotta go.
[DOWN TEMPO MUSIC]
- Great show, Kenan.
- Yeah, whatever.
- Have you seen my mom?
- Mm-mm.
Hey, y'all seen my mom?
She's like an older but maybe now
younger female version of me?
- No.
- Oh.
- Hey, you seen my
- [LAUGHTER]
Mom?
Oh, my god, you guys are so funny.
Mom, there you are.
Hey, baby.
I'm just chatting it up
with your amazing coworkers.
Did you know that Phil here
has been digging the same hole
since childhood?
I did not. But can I talk to you?
Oh, sure, okay.
Gotta go, y'all. Oh, Esme,
good luck with that surgery, girl.
- Don't go too big with those calves.
- I won't.
- See you in a few.
- Okay, Ed.
- Thanks, Bobbi.
- Have fun tonight.
- Thanks.
- [LAUGHS]
Um, "in a few"? "Tonight"?
- Did you make plans? Oh, yeah.
- Tonight I'm going to "Cirque Du Soleil:
Tribute to Weird Al,
with that hot piece that I met
at the club last night.
- Ew, no.
- No hot pieces.
Maybe regular
or lukewarm pieces at best.
Or, crazy idea, no pieces.
And in a few, I'm going to
the crew basketball game.
Ed said that he'd dunk for Mommy.
Well, you know what,
I I play in
that basketball game, as well.
- You do?
- Yeah.
That's right,
and I'll do you one better.
I will dribble
and say your name every time.
Mama, Mama, Mama-Mama-Mama-Mama.
Just like that, and then we can go home
and break out a puzzle.
You can tell me everything's
gon' be all right
or wherever the night takes us.
Okay, sweetie, then
- let's go.
- All right,
- I'ma change real quick.
- All right.
- Ah, Pam.
- Uh
Where is the crew basketball game
and can you hook me up
with some shorts?
Sure, but mine all have
"juicy" written on the ass.
Ah no, I'll figure out
something else.
All right, but you do
have a juicy booty.
That that was a
Compliment, that was not
harassment, Nancy!
She's always reporting me.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Mama, watch this, watch this shot.
Like that. Oh, oh!
Uh-huh, that's a nice pass, baby.
But it was a shot, Mama.
This is all the dribbling
that you taught me.
- Remember?
- That's good, baby.
- Ain't it good?
- Uh-huh.
- All right, watch this.
- This gonna be the layup.
- [GRUNTS]
- Ah!
- Bye, bye.
- What's up, Ed?
That's what we doing?
We're playing prison rules, huh?
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, baby, you okay?
[STRAINED] Yeah, I'm all right, Mama.
Thank you. I barely felt it.
Oh, good, because I was
about to drop everything
to take care of my baby.
- You were?
- Yeah!
[WINCES] Ow, ow my pain!
There's s-so much pain.
[GROANING] I feel it now ah, yeah.
It's my "mis-dis-cus." Ooh.
- Don't you
- I think it's blown.
Don't worry, my precious perfect
[KISS] Mommy's got you. Aw, sweet pea.
- Okay, that feel good?
- Yes.
You like your fuzzy socks?
Mm-hmm, very nice.
You know, I was thinking,
there is that saying,
"feed a fever, starve a cold,
feed a knee thing?"
I'm just saying, maybe some
of your sloppy chicken
might take my mind off the pain?
- Ever so briefly?
- That's a good idea.
You know, I'll get it started
then we can catch up
while it sloppifies.
Oh, sweetie,
it'll be just like old times.
Now, look, don't work too
hard. He needs his rest.
Yes, Ma'am.
You are wasting your side-eye
because I am not ashamed at all.
I knew she still had
that Mama Bear in her.
I just had to pull it out.
Well, Mama Bear seems like
she's trying change her life,
for the better. Why can't
you just support her?
Because she's supposed to be
supporting me.
Taking care of me,
solving my problems, not hers.
Okay? Can you just please count me down?
Fine, but did we really have
to do the show from home
- because you have an "injury"?
- My "injury" is real.
I mean, sure it's my heart
and not my knee,
but I'm hurting.
And besides, this gives the people
a little peek into my world,
a "behind the keens," if you will.
I will not.
We're live in five.
Four, three, sad ass mama's boy
wake up, wake up, wake up ♪
it's "Wake up with Kenan,"
and I am broadcasting live
from my boudoir.
I used to call it my booty-doir,
but I took that sign down years ago.
[TOILET FLUSHING]
Are we rolling?
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
It's a bonfire for your fears.
It's a little ritual I picked up
at the Reiki Retreat
- in Tucson.
- Ooh.
You write down a fear,
throw it in the fire,
and you watch the ashes float away.
[EXCITED LAUGH]
Oh, yeah?
Whoa-oh!
[COUGHS]
All right, girls, go clean up,
and don't lick any of those
chemicals off your face.
Not even the tasty ones!
- Not even a lick?
- Come on.
Well, you're no fun.
Excuse me, when did you
become so irresponsible?
And when did you become so responsible?
When we met, you were playing sax
and a horn section
called "Me so horny."
You're right, since
I moved in with the girls,
it sure watered down my whiskey.
I'm not just some aimless
pleasure-seeker anymore.
It's kind of embarrassing, really.
Do you know there was a time,
that most of the boats
in the Florida Keys
were named after me?
Change isn't bad, Rick.
Sometimes it's scary,
or it comes from a sad place,
but it's exciting!
I mean, I've changed a bit too.
But I've never felt more alive.
Changed a bit?
Bobbi, you used to sit
over at that chair
and read "Goodnight Moon."
And now you got these girls
reenacting "Little Fires Everywhere."
- You had your fun, Rick.
- I didn't.
You know, good life is a balance
of selfish and selfless.
Maybe we're both just looking
to make up for lost time.
But, come on now.
You know that Cori would have loved
this fear-fire thing, right?
[LAUGHS] She was
into all that kooky,
Gwyneth goopo stuff.
Yeah, she was.
Well, I better get-a going,
I said I'd bring Kenan some aspirin.
Oh no, no, no.
You don't get to be the cool one
and the responsible one.
I'll do it.
Okay, 'cause you know I need
to go to the store.
Take your time, girl.
Go skydiving, catch a shift
at magic city, do you.
- Don't tempt me, Rick.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
Here we go.
Responsible Rick
with the drugs and the snugs.
Where's my mom?
She's the one that's supposed to be
bringing me the drugs and snugs.
You got someone better,
Dr. Feel Good himself.
Can I get you anything?
How about a foot rub?
- Ah no.
- It's medical.
- No, no.
- Come on.
Get your weirdly soft hands off of me.
Where is my mom, man?
We were supposed to hang out and talk.
She went to pick up some
stuff for the sloppy chicken.
She'll be right back.
Why don't we talk?
Biggest fear, favorite food,
sexiest animal, go.
All right, I'll go.
Shark, shark, shark.
[DOWN TEMPO MUSIC]
Well, I could make my famous chicken.
It's not particularly sloppy.
It's really just
Chicken breast
baked for a couple hours.
Very dry, tough to get down.
Uh, no.
My mom will be back any second.
I wouldn't count on that, K-Dog.
She's at cirque.
She just tagged me in a photo.
Who's the favorite now, playa?
[HAUGHTY CHUCKLE]
- I'm going to bed.
- Kenan.
- [SCREAMS] Ow! Ah!
- Why?
I guess Mama's fuzzy socks
betrayed you.
Are you not entertained?
- I'm entertained.
- [GROANS]
Man, look at that butt scoot.
See, you went for a real injury.
You're supposed to fake it.
That's where you messed up at.
- Ow.
- Good morning.
Mommy, Mommy, there she is.
- How was Weird Al?
- Hilarious.
Hey, sweetie.
- Oh.
- Mama, everybody starving
because we went to bed
with empty tummies last night.
- Not true.
- I ordered pizza to my room.
Intermittent fasting for me.
I always got eggrolls in my pocket.
Baby, I am so sorry
about last night, but
I went to the store and I got
a text from the man I met.
Look, I know skipping out
is not like me
but a year ago I realized that
we could be gone at any moment.
So I promised myself
that my new motto is
"make hay."
Well, I guess, making hay
and apparently, rolling around in it
is more important than
making time for your family.
And you know hay is for horses, okay?
And a horse is a gift,
and you don't look
in the mouth of no
I should have just left. I had it!
[DOWN TEMPO MUSIC]
- Kenan.
- I got this, Bobbi.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Kenan,
I know I'm not your number one
confidant, but
No, you're not.
It used to be my wife,
and I guess my mom for a while.
But now it's Gary,
and then Mika, then Aubrey,
never birdie She's a little nuts
Some Reddit threads,
Adam Carolla in his "Loveline" days,
my Larry Johnson Grandmama poster,
Loni Love, Steve Harvey
first season of "Family Feud,".
Dionne Warwick
and the Psychic Friends
Okay, so kind of far down
on the list there.
Well, fair.
I just think I might know
what's going on here.
Yeah, so do I.
My mom finally showed her true colors,
and they are ugly.
I mean, she's not ugly.
She actually looks amazing.
Her behavior is ugly.
Or maybe she's going through
something heavy herself.
I mean, she keeps talking
about this past year
being transformative and all this
"life is short" stuff.
Wait, you think all
that stuff going on with her
has something to do with Cori?
I do.
It really changed me.
In a very weird way.
Rick's right, sweetie.
Oh, k-kay.
I am so sorry.
Cori passed, I realized
I hadn't done much living
since your dad died,
and honey, I gotta get it in
'cause I ain't getting no younger.
But you know what?
I am done with that selfishness.
I am ready to take my job back
as being your mommy [CHUCKLES]
Oh, Mom, taking care
of yourself isn't selfish.
It's self-care.
And nobody deserves it more than you.
I mean, please, do you.
You already did me,
you been doing me my whole life
Well, that sounded wrong.
But, seriously, you did
such a wonderful job,
and not just this year,
that I can finally take care
of myself with this now.
I mean, it's the only way
I'm ever gonna really get
through it anyway.
Maybe I can help you out
in that department, too,
even though I'm fairly far down
on the list.
I mean, it
It is kind of the whole reason
I'm here.
Are you crying?
- My eyes are wet.
- Is that crying?
- Yeah.
- What's happening to you?
- I told you, man.
- It's getting weird.
Baby, aww.
I love you so much,
my precious perfect.
Now you know what?
You have waited long enough.
Why don't I make you some
of that sloppy chicken?
Oh, no, Mama.
Thank you, but you've done enough.
No?
What? You want some sloppy chicken?
Well, yeah
It's all I've been hearing
about, sloppy chicken.
Well, come on, I'm gonna
make it this time.
Oh, boy.
- It's slimy.
- Ew.
And crunchy?
Where is the chicken?
My tastebuds feel
Well, I want to say betrayed.
Might have done something wrong.
No, baby, you could never do
anything wrong,
neither of my babies can.
- You mean me or the dog?
- You, sweetie.
[LAUGHS]
It's all sloppy and no chicken.