Lopez (2016) s01e07 Episode Script

1 (upbeat music) Where is this place? My favorite little lunch spot is right around the corner this way.
Yeah, no, it's this way, of course.
Oh.
Whoa! So you took the Chebby deal? And this is the car they gave you? No, Chebby didn't give me that one.
I had to buy it for Tiddlypie.
He didn't want to ship it home so it's mine.
Why you driving it though? Like, that's so down-market? That's not even your style.
- Paid me $500,000.
- Oh.
And he has to, per his contract.
Yeah, but this guy should be able to walk onto any Chebby lot, and pick whatever model he likes.
Well, there are no Chebby lots and this is the only model, but Chebby is the car of the future.
And all the exposure from the Chebby spots is really going to cement George's demo with that Vegas residency.
Man, that residency gig will be so cool to have.
Right? Can you imagine headlining in Las Vegas without the headaches of going on the road? Like, you don't have to worry about going out to the crowds.
The crowds come to you.
Take the elevator to work.
Not a bad commute: From the penthouse to the showroom.
And my commute will be even shorter because I'm on a lower floor, of course.
You're a lucky man.
Oh, and maybe some nights we can catch the same elevator, - ride to work together.
- Yeah, I don't know about that.
I'm looking at that time more of like "me time," you know? (phone chimes) Oh, I just got a text from Erica.
She's at a sweet 16 party Wow.
- Are they riding elephants? - Yes.
(phone chimes) And now she's heading to a pool party hosted by Taylor Swift.
- (phone chimes) - "Best party ever.
" - (phone chimes) - There you go.
"Until mine.
" - (phone chimes) - "I want a blowout, Dad.
" And that's all caps so that's gonna be important.
Look at all those emojis, man, with dollar signs and diamonds.
- I can't wait.
- Yeah.
All right, so the restaurant, it turns out, was back that way.
Yeah.
George, we're moving.
(upbeat Latin music) - (phone chimes) - Oh, my God, this just doesn't end.
I can't go to lunch now.
This is crazy.
I got to pick up Erica at the heliport.
This party's shuttling the kids in and out by helicopter.
I don't understand, jefe.
That all sounds like fun, but you look pissed.
This is what I was afraid of.
Erica hanging out with super rich kids is seriously messed up.
Well, she didn't make herself rich you did.
And it's just what those private school kids do.
And that's what Erica needs to do if she wants to fit in.
- I know, I went to one.
- Well, I'm not having it.
Because you give these kids everything and then everything is never enough.
I don't know, it's not all bad.
I mean, sometimes I find that digging from that deep well of dissatisfaction helps me push and try harder.
Would you want that for your daughter? Oh, God, no.
Exactly, thank you.
Think it's time to take an emergency field trip.
So we'll reschedule lunch then.
Let's go and learn about what really matters, that happiness isn't how fat your wallet is.
It's about how true you are to yourself.
Where's that at? San Fernando.
(engine revs) That's a crappy car.
I could still go to lunch.
Oh, okay, but I can't expense you.
- Oh, I'm good.
- Oh.
(upbeat music) Dad, where are we going? Erica, I'm gonna show you how to keep things real.
Dad what does this have to do with my party? Everything.
You know, Erica, I think you need a little perspective on your party.
Okay, happiness isn't helicopters and elephants, okay? It's about doing the best with what you have, like these people.
It's trashy Hey.
Thought you were glad you got out.
Hey, listen, I got out, I like it here.
You know, you have to have respect for the area.
Is that a Starbucks? Wow, I didn't think you could look that hard drinking a tall, spice latte.
But this is great, you see, it's the real world.
(gunshot) - Was that a gunshot? - No.
- That's fireworks.
- (siren wailing) Come on, Manolo, hit it.
(tires screeching) Hey, hey, man, a quinceañera.
Hey, pull over.
Okay, you see, this is what it's all about.
Going to a park, inviting some friends, just making it simple, nothing ornate, nothing overblown.
People having a good time.
(traditional Latin music playing) Hey, look at this party.
Oh, my God.
George Lopez.
- Hey.
- What are you doing here? Well, I was driving by, you know, and I saw you guys were having a celebration.
I wanted to say, "Felicidades, congratulations a todos.
" Don't be humble about your presence.
This is a special blessing for us.
- Muchas gracias.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, you see, Erica, you can be a princess without glitz and glamour, you know? This is how it's done.
- Happy quinceañera! - Yeah.
But on behalf of my new bride and myself, we thank you for blessing our sacred union.
Oh, man, I thought this was a quinceañera.
Yeah, well, she is 15.
Oh, uh, all right, well then, uh, you have a bright future ahead of you.
It's a long road, right there.
Yeah, we do.
I'm not affiliated as of right now, but I got a hookup and it's looking pretty promising.
We talking about being in a gang? Your lips to God's ears.
No, man, you don't want to be in a gang.
You got a young bride, you know, teach her how to drive, vote, swim without the little things, aye? All right.
You guys take care of yourselves, all right? Hey, (speaking Spanish) Keep the party going.
- Hey, Mr.
Lopez.
- Yeah? Thank you for stopping by.
And your bride is lovely too.
Hey, cochino.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, Manolo, get in the car, hurry up.
- (Latin guitar music) - Welcome to Casa de Tranquil.
Isn't this great? Come on, check it out.
I'm gonna build right here on this land.
Then we can all feel what it's like to be connected.
- Oh, my God.
- Isn't this great? So the rumors are true? We lost all our money? We lost all our money, what are you talking about? - A lot of people have been saying it.
- I'm not having money trouble.
I just want to move here because I think I'd be more at home here than in Beverly Hills.
Who's saying I got money trouble? Not a lot of people, I mean, the kids at school, their teachers, their parents.
- What? - Some of your neighbors.
Buying in San Fernando, driving a Chebby.
Son of a bi That's Owing a bunch of people at the golf tournament.
They say you're selling Pebble Beach because your career's on the skids.
Okay, I'm not selling my Pebble Beach house and my career's not on the skids, my career's fine.
Dad, I don't know.
Maybe my party's not even a good idea.
No, you know what, I know.
And you know what, we're gonna have your birthday party.
We're gonna clear up this misunderstanding by throwing you the biggest birthday bash any teenager's ever had A major, major blowout.
- Really? - Really.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
- Yes.
- But I thought you were gonna teach Erica a lesson about what really matters? I am.
What really matters is that no one's ever gonna say that George Lopez is a failure.
(upbeat music) So, jefe, we taking the Chebby? No, not tonight, man.
I'll drive.
- All right.
- Get in.
We're going to a very expensive hotel in a very expensive car.
That'll get the word out.
(pop music playing) Now, just a thought, instead of renting just a portion of the pool area, why not rent the whole thing? Wow, I don't know if I need an area that big.
(chuckles) I know it's crazy for a 16th birthday party, right? But these kids party like they're professionals.
Then their parents come and check it out, then they all text and tweet about it like it's their job, and, well, for some of them, it is their job.
Anyway, you don't want to spend this much and still look cheap.
- Hmm, hmm? - All right.
- I'll take the whole area then.
- Brilliant.
Okay, but just to be clear, this is still the coolest, hippest hotel - my boss can rent, right? - Yes, it is.
Now, you're gonna want a DJ.
Is there anyone you like in particular? I like Deadmau5 and Moby.
Oh, perfect, I cannot imagine how much that'll cost, but I'll get right on it.
Deadmau5 and Moby? Thank you, Manolo, you've been a tremendous help.
(upbeat music) Your daddy has good news.
Wait a minute, great news.
Guess who rented out the pool at the W Hotel for your party? - Are you serious? - Come on.
(gasps) That's so great.
- Did I handle my business? - You did, jefe.
Hey, and the best part is, you can tell everybody tonight - I'm Snapchatting it right now.
- At the school concert.
Yeah, Snapchat.
Good evening, Mr.
Lopez, how's it going? It's going great, big year, really killing it work-wise.
- Oh, good.
- So we're having a big blowout at the W for Erica's birthday party.
Ah, you inviting me or asking me to work there? Either way, I'm in.
(chuckles) All right, it's not a surprise so everybody can know.
- George Lopez.
- Hey.
- It's an honor to meet you.
- Oh.
I'm Bryce Vandervent.
My daughter is a classmate of Erica's.
Oh, yeah, good to meet you, Bryce.
George, I need to speak with you for a minute.
- I'm actually going into the show.
- It'll just take a sec.
We would be half done by now if you'd have let me get started.
Uh, all right.
Shoot.
It is such a pleasure to see you two fine gentlemen - making each other's aq - I need your office.
Absolutely.
I'll escort you.
- We'll find it.
- Okay.
So, George, I heard you were throwing a party at the W.
Yeah, yes, I am.
I guess the word's gotten around, huh? Well, the W's great, but there is one slight problem.
A problem, what's that? Here's the thing.
I've already scheduled a party for that day.
Oh, well (chuckles) Los Angeles is a big town.
I'm sure it can handle two parties in the same day.
George, - I want you to move your party.
- You want me to move my party? It's my daughter's birthday.
She only turns 16 once.
Okay, well, yeah, so does mine.
- What are you in for? - Uh, you mean money-wise? Yeah, how much money you spending on your party? Uh, you know what, dude, I'm I'm in like 50.
- I'm in for 8.
- 8? - 800K.
- For a party? For the only party that will take place for these children on that day.
Oh, um wow, you want me to move my All right, well, you know what, Bryce, I I can't help you, man.
Ah, I thought you might be stubborn.
Luckily, I have a solution.
I'll give you 100K to move your party.
Wow.
Okay.
You want to pay me to move my party? I heard you could use the money.
Yeah, that's not true.
(chuckles) If more than three people say you're dead, lie down.
Regardless, you walk out with the money, and you move your party, right now 100K.
Um Yeah, you know what, Bryce, you can, uh, keep your money, bro, I don't I don't need it.
You're sure? Yeah, I'm sure.
Back in the pocket it goes.
- (cell phone rings) - Oh.
Hello? No, no Hang on.
This is private.
I need the room.
(laughs) He just looked at me.
You draw crazy people to you.
What is (laughs) That's true.
$100,000? 100K.
I told him to go to Hell.
But why, George? The principal, man, I have integrity.
You lost all your integrity the moment you decided to walk on stage and ask people to like you.
(chuckles) That's sad.
You're a dumbass.
You should have took the money.
(instrumental hip-hop music) Maronzio just doesn't get it.
That rich guy thought I needed the money, - but I showed him.
- You never turn down money, for anything, ever.
You know, when you say stuff like that, it makes me wonder about you.
(scoffs) Well, this makes me wonder about you too.
I tried to explain it to Alita, but she didn't get it.
The party isn't even on Erica's birthday.
Yeah, but it would cost me more money to move it, like 5K.
But wouldn't you still be up 95K? I guess I just don't get these things.
You're seeing Alita? The woman who bought the San Fernando land to sell it to you for more? Sell it to me for more? It's not like that, okay? She just Hey, I'm just happy this relationship hasn't blown up into a Twitter war or a Starline bus stop.
- (phone chimes) - Great.
- Oh, it's Erica.
- Mm.
Party planning? No, don't get me started on that damn party.
What does that face mean, right there? That means she just heard something that made her surprised, angry, and sad.
That emoji face means all that? - Mm-hmm.
- (phone chimes) Oh, no, there's gonna be another party the same night as mine.
Ooh, that's trouble.
(sighs) I knew about it too, long story.
- (phone chimes) - Oh, man, another one.
They just booked Jason Derulo and a Botox booth.
What? I want to go.
Or if that's okay - No.
- No.
- I got to talk her down.
- (keys clacking) How can I get her voicemail? She was just sending me text messages.
She's got the phone in her hand.
Erica.
Trust me.
Hey, listen, your party's gonna be way better than any other party they might be having.
Don't lie to her.
When I was her age, my parents got divorced and didn't even tell me.
My dad used to sneak out after I went to bed, and then come back before I went to school in the morning.
It was like he was Mormon and had a sister-wife.
I didn't find out the truth until I was in college.
Is that why you're a mess? - Well, it's a theory.
- Well, I'm not lying to her.
It's just that Wait a minute.
I think I can move the date of the party and she'll end up thanking me.
- I got to go.
- Mm-hmm.
Bye.
Can you box that up? Thanks.
(laughs softly) You two look great together.
Siblings? Oh, obviously not, I'm sorry.
Cousins? No.
Ah.
It's just lettuce.
It is hard eating alone.
It's a good day, Manolo, when you can be a hero to your daughter and pocket 100K.
Man, this place is massive.
Can probably see it from space.
This is where he lives? Maybe you should hold out for more than 100K.
Can you ask him to throw in some Laker tickets? He probably has courtside.
That's some serious money.
Not joke-talent money.
Probably still got.
.
(speaking Spanish) The-back-of-my-mom's-garage money, huh? Where's the front door at? I don't know, should I Google it? Yeah, why don't you do that? Imagine what Alita would do to sell this place.
What's that supposed to mean? Nothing, jefe, just that she's a motivated realtor.
Entrance, let's see.
Anything that says "entrance.
" Maybe there's a tram that'll pick us up and take us to the front door? (over speaker) Lopez party, turn left and head up the path.
The entrance is on your right.
Thank you, sir.
Hey, Golden Child, you're not in a Japanese garden.
- Greek yogurt? - No, we're, we're Thanks.
You've already had three churros.
- You're sure? - Yeah.
Back in the pocket it goes.
You keep yogurt in your pocket? I do.
So I was watching some of your stand-up earlier, George.
It's, uh it's very telling.
- I was going for funny.
- I'm sure you were.
Anyway, I'm surprised to see you here, George.
I thought your position was firm.
I thought the date of your daughter's party was something you were not willing to negotiate.
Well, you know, I have a law background and you know, I was deliberating on it.
And I thought, you know, why let the kid suffer? So I decided to, uh, take you up on your offer.
- My offer? - Yeah, you know, the 100K.
Yeah, but things have changed, haven't they? You came to me.
See, here's what I think happened.
You daughter found out about my party, she wants to move yours, so now you're gonna move it anyway.
You know, that's a theory.
Uh 80K? George, I'm not gonna pay you a dime.
- You you're not? - No.
In fact, I think you'll pay me.
Wait, I'm not I don't have to pay you to move my own party.
(chuckles) (chuckles) It was worth a try.
- Are they moving their party? - Yes.
- What is it gonna cost? - Nothing.
Oh, way to play hardball, Dad.
I love you.
See you at "Back to School" night, George.
- How do you get out of here? - Same way you came in.
- Oh, that's helpful.
- Excuse me, sir.
Have you read all of these books? Manolo.
Did you bow? Thanks for seeing me.
Oh, well, of course we can find you another date, but since you're less than two weeks away from the original party date, you'll have to pay for that.
That's five grand, right? Maybe I didn't explain myself clearly.
The 5,000 was to move the party if it was outside of the two-week period.
It's gonna be really difficult for me to re-rent the pool, so you'll have to pay for the pool rental.
Wait a minute, I got to pay $50,000 for a party I'm not gonna have and then another 50 to have a party? Ah, maybe I did explain it well.
What if I did a couple of shows out here? A meet-and-greet? No! Hey, Erica, I need to, uh talk to you about your party.
You know, I I tried to move it, - but I just couldn't do it.
- That's fine.
- It is? - Yeah, I mean, I was tired of the whole party rat race.
It's dumb.
Oh, come on, I know the feeling.
Man, there's always gonna be somebody that has a better party, a better house, a better car than you do to make you feel bad about yours.
Yeah, and you know, I was thinking about that girl in San Fernando, and she was so happy.
It wasn't about the money or elephants, you know? Oh, that's That's nice, yeah.
Uh, that was the lesson I wanted you to take away from going to the park, you know, not the Don't worry, Dad, I'm not gonna get knocked up and marry a gangbanger.
Phew, that's a relief.
You know what I want to do on my birthday? What's that? I just want to stay home, watch a movie, have some friends over, that's it.
- That we can do.
- Thank you.
That's great.
- Love you.
Good night.
- Love you.
Good night.
Whose kid is that? (electronic club music) Yeah, I love this place so much I already picked the place in the lobby where to pass out.
(laughter) So it's not a casino, I'm just using the ATM.
- Jefe.
- Yes, Manolo? - Wonderful atmosphere.
- Thank you, my man.
Anybody else want another drink? There's there's no line right now.
Oh, don't worry about that.
Sally! Hello.
Yes.
Oh, thank you very much.
I don't know, jefe, I'm driving.
Come on, man, have a drink.
Listen, I spent so much money here, they threw in some suites.
I got to say, I never thought a party without any guests would be so much fun.
Man, are you kidding me? A party with no guests? That's a dream come true for me.
- Mm-hmm.
- Gentlemen.
(cell phone rings) Oh, Olly's calling.
- Olly.
- George, they're not letting me in.
This is just like high school all over again.
Except Not this time.
Sir, it's clear you have no list.
Good, well, then I'm just gonna go.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
(chuckles) Wow, he's tall.
- Should we let her in? - Why not? There's plenty of room.
Tell him the password is "Lopez.
" Uh, password? Lopez? - Nope.
- Tell him the password is, "I want to be George Lopez when I grow up.
" (laughter) I want to be George Lopez when I grow up.
Ladies, uh, gentlemen, put your hands together for Deadmau5.
Hey, anybody want a party horn? - No, I'm good.
- No, I'm good.
All right.
Back in my pocket it goes.
(laughter) Hello from the other side.
- Oh, what's the password? - Password is "boys night out.
" - Aww.
- What? - Ooh.
- (laughter) Yeah, that's nice.
Damn, jefe, I can't believe you actually paid for Deadmau5.
That's not Deadmau5.
That's Leonard.
- Leonard! - (laughter) I told him you were Moby, you let yourself go.