Mad (2010) s01e07 Episode Script
I Love You, Iron Man, Zeke and Lex Luthor
Mad! Surprise! Hey, Zack and Cody, it's me, Carly! - And Freddy.
- Hey, that's my part! [Thud.]
I just want to join everyone here in wishing you Bon voyage! All your friends are here.
Plus, we invited you-know-who because his girlfriend dumped him.
Why? Why would you serve bacon at a time like this? Hey, you're not taping over my "American idol" audition tape, are you? Of course not.
What do you think I am, stupid? If you liked it, then you should have put some green on it Good luck, guys.
I just want to say you're the [rumbling.]
That wasn't me.
[Flatulence.]
Ok, that was me.
Look! Out the window! [Growling.]
[All screaming.]
What's going on? Clifford thinks everyone wants to play! [All screaming.]
Oh, no.
Hannah Montana! Not you! Miley, Hannah got splattered under that giant dog toy! Oh, no! My wig! Why, why?! How'd Clifford get so big? It says he got that from a lot of love.
Awww! Oh, and a lot of nuclear waste.
Ugh! [Clifford growling.]
Look out, Zack! Yes! Maybe now I can win a kid's choice award.
Uh, I mean, boo, poor Zack.
Carly, what happened? Something came off Clifford and attacked Sam! Aahh! Oh, no, giant fleas! The army's on its way! What do you mean, on its way? We've been here for half an hour.
Word is you've got a big dog problem whoa, whoa, ahh, ahhhh! Look at the size of it! Ahhh! That's just a chihuahua.
That's the big red dog.
[All screaming.]
Please, nobody panic! Who's panicking? This is just how we run.
Aaah! Don't let 'em get me! I'm a one-of-a-kind children's character! Ok, I see your point.
- Uh-oh, I'm getting out of here! [All gasp.]
What? It's from my mother's side.
[whistles.]
[Rumbling.]
We've gotta get him away from everyone.
Hmm? [Heavy footsteps.]
Approximately 7 hours ago, Clifford the big red dog appeared in Manhattan.
This tape may be the only evidence If you like it, then you should have put some green on it oh-ho-ho, oh-ho-ho [moo.]
I won't let you hurt Bella again.
- It's me she wants.
- [roaring.]
Ow! Did you bite me? Yeah, but only after you bit me.
Wait.
Does this mean we're Vampire werewolves! Dude, we should hang out more often.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Mad! The only thing worse than a pimple is lots of pimples.
But the only thing better than getting rid of them is getting rid of them on someone else.
Introducing throwactive, the medication with elevation.
Just spread over the area and watch those babies soar onto someone new.
Why should you be the only one with bad skin? Throwactive is perfect for cheerleaders, bullying, teachers, and even the class pet.
[Squeaks.]
Throwactive let it be someone else's problem for a change.
It's time for "sports o'clock," with your host skip schwartz.
Skip schwartz here, everybody.
Let's go to all of today's scores.
14, 31, 56, 11, and you won't believe this, 47.
Unbe-schwartz-able! Fans, this week's guest is basketball super star Lebron James.
Lebron, who is the toughest team you ever played against? Thank you, Lebron James.
It's time now for horns and sirens.
Let's take a look at the highlight of the night.
That's gotta be a record.
And speaking of explosions, let's take a look at the college game explosion of the night.
That's gonna leave a mark.
That pain in your head can only mean it's time to circle the wagons.
Experts, tell the world who's going to win the big game.
John? - Well - Steve? - I - Odds are - slick? You can't argue with slick.
Thanks for tuning in, sports fans.
Until next time, I'm Steve Schw [classical music playing.]
[All gasp.]
[woman screams.]
Mad! They said the new "Spiderman" movie would appeal to a younger generation.
But nobody was expecting this.
[Babbling.]
"Spiderbaby".
This spider guy can barely walk! How come Parker's the only one who can get me photos of him? [Giggling.]
A Spiderman for everyone who likes truth, justice and jiggling keys.
- Peter, meet your new baby-sitter Mary Jane.
Hey, tiger.
[Babbling.]
Is someone hungry? [Babbling.]
- Look! It's spider, uh, um - Baby.
Should an infant really be on top of that building? [Babbling.]
- [Blows strawberries.]
- [giggles.]
He's a hero for tomorrow because he can't walk today.
Spiderbaby! [Babbling.]
[Thunder.]
We're going to storm the castle and destroy that monster! - Yeah! - Yeah, burn 'em! - Yeah! - Tear his arms off! Yeah! Yeah, and bring him chocolates and rub his feet and stuff.
Huh? And, uh, what everybody else said.
Hmm.
Huh? Huh.
Hmm hmm hmm hmm.
[Yelling.]
Pokémon, you gotta catch 'em all or do you? Rejected Pokémon Punchachu.
Special attack, kicking.
Glasstar, special attack, frailty.
Buzzkill.
Special attack, indifference.
Come on, Buzzkill, it's a Pokémon battle, you love those.
Meh.
Your Uncle Hank.
Special attack, confusion.
What's with all the Pokémons? Am I winning? I'm gonna go stand over here.
Rejected Pokémon.
[Giggling.]
[Laughter.]
Gesundheit.
- We're gonna get 'em today.
- Oh, yeah.
Any Mario's gonna get past us? - No way! - We bad? Oh, we bad, all right.
Simon! Whyyyy?! He was so young! Why?! Why me?! Take me instead! My kid brother! Oh, what am I gonna tell ma?! Oh, mama! Mama, your boy is dead! It should have been me, ma! Just try it again! High school yearbooks provide some of the best memories.
Too bad none of them are yours.
Luckily, there's high school yearbook upgrades, an enhancement package that gives you the high school life you always wanted.
Starting with personalized messages from the hottest girls in your class.
Didn't make it onto the football team? Heck, we'll make you Captain.
And for a few more dollars, you can even get the celebrity package.
Remember that time you dated Demi Lovato and were 6 inches taller? High school yearbook upgrades.
You can't buy better memories for these prices.
All right, new guy, now stay alert.
You got big shoes to fill.
Yeah, big shoes, big shoes.
Stick with me, and you'll go far in this business.
Yeah, go far, go far.
Not again! Oh, why! You crook! You criminal! He was only a kid! He was my kid brother's kid brother! I'll get you! You overall wearing snake part! How do I get out of these pipes?! Help! Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, Lincoln.
The four of you are going straight to the top.
You mean you're going to carve our faces into the side of a mountain? No! You dogs are going to be my next big boy band.
[Record scratches.]
Four score and I don't think so.
[Laughter.]
Count me out, too, kind sir.
[Laughter.]
But I need a group to outsing that popular king George and the redcoats band.
Muh muh muh muh muh muh Democracy, shemocracy.
We're in! Big time Rushmore Oh-ho, whoa-ho [laughter.]
We've only got 3 days until the battle of the bands! I should really be getting back to D.
C.
Me and the missus have a date tonight.
We're going to the theater.
[All gasp.]
Can it, Abe! We've got work to do.
I won't let those redcoats beat us.
Take it from the top, boys.
[Music playing.]
I love you, baby, baby I need you, baby, baby yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah booly, yeah, yeah, yeah, hooya I love you, baby, baby I need you, baby, baby [laughter.]
It's time to work on your style.
I'm a founding father, not a hobo.
With my skin tones, I feel this washes me out.
I don't know, I'm kind of digging this.
[Whip cracks.]
[laughter.]
How did you ever get elected? Maybe this was all just a big mistake.
- Pretty much.
- Yeah, I'll say.
Oh, yeah.
[laughter.]
The battle of the bands is tomorrow night, and we're just not ready.
What are we going to do? Well, spangle my banner, who are you? I'm your fairy godmother, Taylor swift.
[Cheers and applause.]
Just be yourselves, and the rest will follow.
Hmm, just be ourselves, eh? Lincoln! What? This is my real self.
I'll be there [music playing.]
[crowd booing.]
And the winner is Big time Rushmore! [cheers and applause.]
Ah, it's good to be king.
[Laughter.]
USA! Congratulations! You guys got yourself a record deal.
Hey, where's Abe?
- Hey, that's my part! [Thud.]
I just want to join everyone here in wishing you Bon voyage! All your friends are here.
Plus, we invited you-know-who because his girlfriend dumped him.
Why? Why would you serve bacon at a time like this? Hey, you're not taping over my "American idol" audition tape, are you? Of course not.
What do you think I am, stupid? If you liked it, then you should have put some green on it Good luck, guys.
I just want to say you're the [rumbling.]
That wasn't me.
[Flatulence.]
Ok, that was me.
Look! Out the window! [Growling.]
[All screaming.]
What's going on? Clifford thinks everyone wants to play! [All screaming.]
Oh, no.
Hannah Montana! Not you! Miley, Hannah got splattered under that giant dog toy! Oh, no! My wig! Why, why?! How'd Clifford get so big? It says he got that from a lot of love.
Awww! Oh, and a lot of nuclear waste.
Ugh! [Clifford growling.]
Look out, Zack! Yes! Maybe now I can win a kid's choice award.
Uh, I mean, boo, poor Zack.
Carly, what happened? Something came off Clifford and attacked Sam! Aahh! Oh, no, giant fleas! The army's on its way! What do you mean, on its way? We've been here for half an hour.
Word is you've got a big dog problem whoa, whoa, ahh, ahhhh! Look at the size of it! Ahhh! That's just a chihuahua.
That's the big red dog.
[All screaming.]
Please, nobody panic! Who's panicking? This is just how we run.
Aaah! Don't let 'em get me! I'm a one-of-a-kind children's character! Ok, I see your point.
- Uh-oh, I'm getting out of here! [All gasp.]
What? It's from my mother's side.
[whistles.]
[Rumbling.]
We've gotta get him away from everyone.
Hmm? [Heavy footsteps.]
Approximately 7 hours ago, Clifford the big red dog appeared in Manhattan.
This tape may be the only evidence If you like it, then you should have put some green on it oh-ho-ho, oh-ho-ho [moo.]
I won't let you hurt Bella again.
- It's me she wants.
- [roaring.]
Ow! Did you bite me? Yeah, but only after you bit me.
Wait.
Does this mean we're Vampire werewolves! Dude, we should hang out more often.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Mad! The only thing worse than a pimple is lots of pimples.
But the only thing better than getting rid of them is getting rid of them on someone else.
Introducing throwactive, the medication with elevation.
Just spread over the area and watch those babies soar onto someone new.
Why should you be the only one with bad skin? Throwactive is perfect for cheerleaders, bullying, teachers, and even the class pet.
[Squeaks.]
Throwactive let it be someone else's problem for a change.
It's time for "sports o'clock," with your host skip schwartz.
Skip schwartz here, everybody.
Let's go to all of today's scores.
14, 31, 56, 11, and you won't believe this, 47.
Unbe-schwartz-able! Fans, this week's guest is basketball super star Lebron James.
Lebron, who is the toughest team you ever played against? Thank you, Lebron James.
It's time now for horns and sirens.
Let's take a look at the highlight of the night.
That's gotta be a record.
And speaking of explosions, let's take a look at the college game explosion of the night.
That's gonna leave a mark.
That pain in your head can only mean it's time to circle the wagons.
Experts, tell the world who's going to win the big game.
John? - Well - Steve? - I - Odds are - slick? You can't argue with slick.
Thanks for tuning in, sports fans.
Until next time, I'm Steve Schw [classical music playing.]
[All gasp.]
[woman screams.]
Mad! They said the new "Spiderman" movie would appeal to a younger generation.
But nobody was expecting this.
[Babbling.]
"Spiderbaby".
This spider guy can barely walk! How come Parker's the only one who can get me photos of him? [Giggling.]
A Spiderman for everyone who likes truth, justice and jiggling keys.
- Peter, meet your new baby-sitter Mary Jane.
Hey, tiger.
[Babbling.]
Is someone hungry? [Babbling.]
- Look! It's spider, uh, um - Baby.
Should an infant really be on top of that building? [Babbling.]
- [Blows strawberries.]
- [giggles.]
He's a hero for tomorrow because he can't walk today.
Spiderbaby! [Babbling.]
[Thunder.]
We're going to storm the castle and destroy that monster! - Yeah! - Yeah, burn 'em! - Yeah! - Tear his arms off! Yeah! Yeah, and bring him chocolates and rub his feet and stuff.
Huh? And, uh, what everybody else said.
Hmm.
Huh? Huh.
Hmm hmm hmm hmm.
[Yelling.]
Pokémon, you gotta catch 'em all or do you? Rejected Pokémon Punchachu.
Special attack, kicking.
Glasstar, special attack, frailty.
Buzzkill.
Special attack, indifference.
Come on, Buzzkill, it's a Pokémon battle, you love those.
Meh.
Your Uncle Hank.
Special attack, confusion.
What's with all the Pokémons? Am I winning? I'm gonna go stand over here.
Rejected Pokémon.
[Giggling.]
[Laughter.]
Gesundheit.
- We're gonna get 'em today.
- Oh, yeah.
Any Mario's gonna get past us? - No way! - We bad? Oh, we bad, all right.
Simon! Whyyyy?! He was so young! Why?! Why me?! Take me instead! My kid brother! Oh, what am I gonna tell ma?! Oh, mama! Mama, your boy is dead! It should have been me, ma! Just try it again! High school yearbooks provide some of the best memories.
Too bad none of them are yours.
Luckily, there's high school yearbook upgrades, an enhancement package that gives you the high school life you always wanted.
Starting with personalized messages from the hottest girls in your class.
Didn't make it onto the football team? Heck, we'll make you Captain.
And for a few more dollars, you can even get the celebrity package.
Remember that time you dated Demi Lovato and were 6 inches taller? High school yearbook upgrades.
You can't buy better memories for these prices.
All right, new guy, now stay alert.
You got big shoes to fill.
Yeah, big shoes, big shoes.
Stick with me, and you'll go far in this business.
Yeah, go far, go far.
Not again! Oh, why! You crook! You criminal! He was only a kid! He was my kid brother's kid brother! I'll get you! You overall wearing snake part! How do I get out of these pipes?! Help! Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, Lincoln.
The four of you are going straight to the top.
You mean you're going to carve our faces into the side of a mountain? No! You dogs are going to be my next big boy band.
[Record scratches.]
Four score and I don't think so.
[Laughter.]
Count me out, too, kind sir.
[Laughter.]
But I need a group to outsing that popular king George and the redcoats band.
Muh muh muh muh muh muh Democracy, shemocracy.
We're in! Big time Rushmore Oh-ho, whoa-ho [laughter.]
We've only got 3 days until the battle of the bands! I should really be getting back to D.
C.
Me and the missus have a date tonight.
We're going to the theater.
[All gasp.]
Can it, Abe! We've got work to do.
I won't let those redcoats beat us.
Take it from the top, boys.
[Music playing.]
I love you, baby, baby I need you, baby, baby yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah booly, yeah, yeah, yeah, hooya I love you, baby, baby I need you, baby, baby [laughter.]
It's time to work on your style.
I'm a founding father, not a hobo.
With my skin tones, I feel this washes me out.
I don't know, I'm kind of digging this.
[Whip cracks.]
[laughter.]
How did you ever get elected? Maybe this was all just a big mistake.
- Pretty much.
- Yeah, I'll say.
Oh, yeah.
[laughter.]
The battle of the bands is tomorrow night, and we're just not ready.
What are we going to do? Well, spangle my banner, who are you? I'm your fairy godmother, Taylor swift.
[Cheers and applause.]
Just be yourselves, and the rest will follow.
Hmm, just be ourselves, eh? Lincoln! What? This is my real self.
I'll be there [music playing.]
[crowd booing.]
And the winner is Big time Rushmore! [cheers and applause.]
Ah, it's good to be king.
[Laughter.]
USA! Congratulations! You guys got yourself a record deal.
Hey, where's Abe?