Marvin, Marvin (2012) s01e07 Episode Script

Stop sneaking up on me, robot vacuum.
What is your problem? That thing scares me.
It reminds me of the Klerg attack bots that helped take over my planet.
The Klerg used vacuum cleaners to conquer Klooton? We had a very dirty planet.
Boys, last night, I saw A Noise in The Attic.
What's it about? A Noise in The Attic.
Oh, man, I heard about that movie.
Everybody's talking about it.
It's rated "R," but only grown-ups can see it.
Only grown-ups can see it? That's not fair.
What was making the noise in the attic, Pop-Pop? I have to know.
Oh, not my place to tell you.
There are things a man has to learn for himself.
What are we gonna do? We have to see that movie.
Oh, wait.
I have an idea.
Why don't we just hire a bunch of adults to go watch it and then act it out for us? Simple.
That is the opposite of simple.
I got a better idea.
Follow my lead.
Hey, can one of you give us a ride to the movie theater after school? Yeah, sure.
Yeah, what are you gonna go see? I was thinking maybe a wholesome family comedy.
I don't know, Funny Ducks? Funny Ducks? I thought you said we were going to see that "R"-rated movie A Noise in The Attic.
Now I understand how your planet was conquered by vacuum cleaners.
Nice try, Henry.
You two are not going to see that movie.
Yeah, it's rated "R," which means adult language, adult content.
Aw, yeah.
Come on.
I can handle it.
It takes a lot to scare me.
I'm pretty much unscarab Spare me, robot! Take the humans first! Oh, I'm not scared.
I was just cleaning the table with my butt.
This is my home planet, Klooton.
These are the Klerg.
They hate Klooton.
To protect me, my parents sent me away while they stayed to fight the Klerg.
Eat it, Klerg! I landed on earth and took the form of a human.
At first, I was scared.
Fortunately, I met a very nice family.
Hello, I'm Marvin! That's how we greet people on Klooton.
It's very polite.
They agreed to raise me like their own son until the Klerg were defeated.
Now I'm living a secret life as a normal American kid.
And you can barely tell I'm different.
And apparently they hear a noise, which is supposedly coming from the attic.
But I'll never know for sure, because mom Liz won't let me see it.
I'm on mom's side here.
It's a scary movie, and you get freaked out pretty easily.
- That is so not true.
- Hi, Marvin.
Ah, there you are, Brianna.
See, not scared at all.
Oh! Oh, why are the bells so loud? So what's going on this weekend? You going out with Ellis? I hope so.
I like him.
He's kind of creative and weird.
- Weird? - Not Marvin weird, cool weird.
He does his homework on typewriters and makes gingerbread houses.
What's so weird about gingerbread houses? They're solar powered.
Oh, look, here he comes.
Hey, Teresa, there's something I need to talk to you about.
Who's Teresa? He likes to call me Teresa.
Oh, weird.
Ellis, are we gonna do something fun this weekend? To be honest, I'm not really interested in going out again.
You're breaking up with me? To be honest, yeah.
Why? We're just different.
If we were ice cream, you'd be vanilla, and I'd be super funky chunky chip.
Wait.
Vanilla? Are you saying I'm boring? To be honest Okay, enough with the "to be honest.
" I get it.
I'm sorry, Teresa.
But maybe we'll see each other again someday.
We see each other every day in English class.
To be honest, that's true.
Oh, just second bell, not scared.
They don't think I can handle adult language? Well, listen to this.
"Taxes, politics, zero financing on all mattresses.
" Now who's using adult language? Marvin, relax.
We don't need their permission to see a "R"-rated movie.
We don't? Not when we got these.
What's that? Some people call them fake I.
D.
s.
Actually, everybody calls them fake I.
D.
s.
Two tickets for A Noise in The Attic.
Two adult tickets, please.
I am adult doctor Heathcliff Huxtable, and this is my adult colleague and money accountant Kanye West Tin.
Uhhuh, $25.
If you don't believe our names or our mustaches, you can always double-check them on these very real I.
D.
cards.
Whatever.
$25.
Can I pay with cash? I left my credit card in my wife's expensive purse.
They were buying a mattress.
Zero financing.
$25.
How about those politics today, right? Am I right? Okay, here are your tickets, Mr.
Westin and Mr.
Huxtable.
That's Dr.
Huxtable.
I didn't spend those 17 years in doctor school just to be called "mister.
" - Look, you got your ticket, dude.
- Just don't push it.
Is Ellis right? Am I really a boring person? No.
Maybe.
Yes.
In a good way.
I can be interesting.
I put my salad on top of my dressing.
Tell me that's not interesting.
It's not interesting.
Hey, dad.
Dad? My dad sat on his phone and accidentally called me.
He butt-dials me all the time.
Are you daddy's little doggy woggy? Yes, you are.
Give daddy kisses.
Come on, dog, give daddy a kiss.
You give mommy kisses.
What about daddy? Bixby, you ungrateful mutt! Wow, I never would've thought your dad was a puppy kisser.
Yeah, it's a side of my dad most people don't see.
But lucky me: I get to hear it in butt dials and sometimes butt texts.
Ew, I hope those texts don't include a picture.
Ew.
Wait.
What if I "accidentally" butt-dialed Ellis? Then he could see my other side, my exciting side.
You can't control your butt or who it dials.
No, we're gonna butt-dial him on purpose and script the whole thing.
A fake butt dial? You're a genius, Teri.
Ooh, that's good.
I am so psyched for this butt dial! What was that noise? Oh, no.
I think it came from the attic.
I'm gonna go check it out.
Are you crazy? Are you crazy? They still haven't captured the lunatic that escaped from the prison.
Oh, no, don't go in the attic! I can't look.
Oh, dude, he's going in.
Why are you in my attic? And what are you gonna do with that trunk? Look! Why'd you make me look? Okay, does everyone know their lines? I really need you to take this butt dial seriously.
Okay, couple things.
I see a party in the butt dial script.
I mean, are there gonna be people making bad choices at this party? And does there even really have to be a party? You know, what about a study group? - You know, a church meeting? - Dad.
It's fake, and yes, it has to be a party.
The goal is to make Ellis think she's cool and interesting, Mr.
Forman.
Yeah.
Well, what if she has a friend who's a pirate? Arr! Ahoy, ladies.
Where's the parrrty? Can you guys please just stick to the script? It means a lot to me.
- Will do.
- Aye, aye.
All right, Brianna, please set the mood with a little party music.
And now for the butt dial.
Hello.
Teresa.
I can't hear you.
Hello, Teresa? She butt-dialed me.
Hey, Teri, I'm having a lot of fun at this amazing party.
It's nothing.
I come to parties like this all the time.
You sound like an interesting girl, Teri, so smart and funny.
Wait.
Are you putting your salad on top of your dressing? Oh, yeah, it's just one of those interesting things I do.
Whoo! Hey, let's go talk to those hot guys who are checking you out.
Nobody move.
I'm a police officer.
Is there anybody here making bad choices? Dad, what are you doing? I know how these parties go.
Arr, ahoy, ladies.
I'll take care of this landlubber.
- Ha! - Ow! Stop! I'm a cop! Your laws don't rule the sea.
Did you guys seriously just do that? Oh, great, it's Ellis.
Hello.
Hey, Teresa.
You butt-dialed me.
I'm sorry, Ellis.
I heard your awesome pirate party.
You know what? You're not vanilla.
You're far funkier and chunkier than I thought.
Oh, thanks.
I'm funky and chunky.
Tell me where the party is.
I'll come right over.
Um, the party? Hold on a second.
He wants to come to the party.
What do I do? I don't know.
This is the police officer from earlier.
I am shutting this party down.
And to be honest, I am surprised that your handsome father allowed something like this party to happen.
Sorry, Ellis.
The cops are here.
Let's meet at the movies.
Half an hour, I'll be there.
It worked.
Teresa's back in business.
I guess that pirate party was off the hook.
I'll be going back to me chair.
I can't believe how scary that movie was.
I'm never going in our attic again.
- Me neither.
- Hey.
Did you boys have fun at the arcade? At the Oh, yes, of course we had fun at the arcade Because that's where we were At the arcade.
It was also a little scary At the arcade Which is the only reason we're scared If we're scared.
At the arcade.
Oh, I got to take this call.
Oh, hi, Mrs.
Vogel.
It's Mrs.
Vogel.
Oh, that's not good.
Wait.
I don't want to talk about this in front of the kids.
He escaped from Portland prison? Tonight? Okay, well, I hope they catch that lunatic.
Escaped lunatic? It's just like in the movie.
Oh.
Oh, that reeks.
What is that? Oh, when klootonians fear for their lives, we let out a stink spray from a hole in our stomach.
It's just like your belly button, but we call it a smelly button.
Dude, that's nasty.
You're like a alien skunk.
It drives our enemies away.
But even if it doesn't, if they eat us, it makes us taste really bad.
What was that noise? It came from the attic.
It's the lunatic! Ew, dude, my mouth was open.
It's just like the movie.
The lunatic is in our attic.
Marvin, chill out.
M-Marvin, Mar-- It's probably nothing.
Look, we'll go up to the attic One, just to be sure, and two, 'cause it really stinks in here.
I can't help it.
We have covered a lot of scary material in a very short time.
You got to do something about that.
Dude, tie it off.
That's too tight.
It's pinching my smelly button.
Perfect.
Follow me, skunky.
Look.
That window's never open.
Footprints.
He's in the attic.
You don't know that.
Don't freak out.
Now you can freak out! This is gonna teach them not to sneak into "R"-rated movies.
Yeah.
So glad I accidentally called you and you wanted to hang.
Yeah, too bad those cops busted up the party.
What party? The pirate party.
Oh, you mean the parrrty.
Should I get some popcorn? To be honest, popcorn's boring.
I mean, everybody has popcorn at the movies.
Well, yeah, because it's delicious.
All right, I'll go get some candy, then.
Oh, I have something much better than candy: homemade cream of broccoli soup.
Oh, you were serious.
There you go.
Okay.
We're not gonna eat that, are we? Not without cheese.
- Say when.
- When.
You know, Ellis, I learn new things about you all the time.
New, weird things.
Um, what are you doing? Reading.
Movies are so boring.
Open up.
It's mom and dad.
If it's really mom and dad, then what number am I thinking about right now? You're not thinking about a number.
You're thinking about cookies.
It's them.
Whoa, hey, boys, what's what's up? We know about the escaped prisoner.
Well, we weren't gonna tell you boys, but yes, there is an escaped prisoner on the loose.
- And he is crazy.
- Super crazy.
And he was spotted in our neighborhood wearing muddy boots and looking for attics to sneak into.
And I probably left that window open.
That's my bad.
Dad Bob! Ah, oh, come on, boys.
You're just imagining things.
There is no dangerous psycho in the attic waiting to stuff you in a trunk.
Good night, sweetheart.
I love you.
Well, see you in the morning Probably.
Ellis is so annoying.
He read the book version of the movie during the movie, and the whole time, he was like, "oh, the book is so much better.
" You've got to break up with him.
I want to.
But I just feel so dumb after all the trouble we went to to fake butt-dial him.
Now I'm stuck dating a guy I can't stand.
Oh, tell me more.
What else didn't you like about him? Ellis thinks everything is boring.
He's always comparing people to ice cream.
Oh, and to be honest, he really overuses the expression "to be honest.
" So it sounds like you don't want to go on another date with him, do you, Teresa? Oh, that's another thing.
My name is Teri, and I love popcorn, and I'm pretty sure he was wearing a woman's blazer.
And end call.
Uh, Brianna, what did you do? I didn't do anything.
You just butt-dialed Ellis but not with your butt, with my hand.
He's gonna hate me.
He's gonna hate me! Yup.
So long, Teresa.
vanilla Teri is back.
Good, I like vanilla Teri.
I like vanilla Teri too.
Hey, want to go get some ice cream? Maybe they have super funky chunky chip.
Sounds good, as long as I don't have to date it.
What are you guys doing? Scaring the boys to teach them a lesson about sneaking into "R" -rated movies.
No lesson here.
I just like scaring children.
You guys are gonna be in trouble when mom finds out.
Hey, what's the holdup in here? And I thought my dad's doggy butt dials were weird.
Okay, come on.
Lunatics, bring it in.
Lunatics on three.
One, two, three.
Did you hear that? The lunatic must have gotten them.
- He cut the lights.
- Oh, no, we're doomed.
It's been an honor being an adult with you, Mr.
Westin.
- Likewise, Mr.
Huxtable.
- It's Dr.
Huxtable! He's trying to get in! Okay, now we have two doors between us and him.
We should be safe in here now.
The lunatic! Ah, he's everywhere! Come on, Marvin.
Faster! The lunatics are everywhere! We're trapped! I know what I have to do.
Oh, stop.
What are you doing? Oh.
Ow, my eyes! Marvin, stop! It's mom and dad! Oh, no! Sorry, Henry, I can't control my smelly button.
Mom Liz? Dad Bob? There was no escaped lunatic.
They were just messing with us.
Mrs.
Vogel saw you guys at the "R" -rated movie, and we decided to teach you a lesson.
Ooh.
How'd that work out for you? Not real good.
You guys got totally nailed by Marvin's space stink.
Oh, ah! My mouth was open.
This has got to be the most interesting family in all of Portland.
Hope this tomato juice really works.
Nope.
Now I just smell like alien stink and tomato juice.
I don't understand.
It works for skunk.
Works for me too.
Ah, yum.
Marvin, that's really grossing me out.
Sorry, Pop-Pop, but family-flavored tomato juice is delicious.
Oh, come on.
Mmm, Forman-y.