Masters of Sex s01e07 Episode Script
All Together Now
Previously on "Masters of Sex" Libby.
- Is this baby gone? - I'm so sorry.
Libby, we have a family.
Just the two of us That's enough for me.
- The study is back.
- Heck yes.
Why won't my dick work?! The problem's not in your pants, Austin, it's in your head.
I fuck men Or get fucked, mostly dealer's choice.
I want you to tell me the truth.
I need to know if you've ever mentioned my name to anyone.
Look, I wouldn't want to ruin a good thing.
You want to enlist the provost's wife? Have you ever experienced an orgasm? I don't know.
- You would know.
- I would? Mrs.
Scully? Oh, dr.
Langham, w-what a nice surprise.
Can I walk you to your car? I think you should have a different title.
'Cause you're not just a secretary, are you? - What am I? - You're a research assistant.
Why can some women orgasm without any genital stimulation whatsoever? I'd need to see proof of that.
We're scientists.
Let's see.
Season 1, Episode 7 "All Together Now" - Plateau.
- Plateau Orgasm.
Resolution.
The plateau state of the male subject lasted 8 minutes and 31 seconds, Resulting in his orgasm and resolution, But not in the female's.
It's the position.
If our goal is to determine which position provides optimum clitoral stimulation, on a scale of 1-10, I would give the missionary a 4.
Although, uh One instance of data collection is hardly a wide sampling.
And I-I do think this line of inquiry is worth pursuing.
So we will bring in subjects and see what a broad sampling reveals? While continuing the work ourselves.
And we'll have to fill out questionnaires.
If we're going to be full participants in the study.
Another night.
I'll put the information in the safe with the other subjects.
Uh, you can close up here.
We'll resume tomorrow.
- Have a good game.
- Have fun.
See you soon, boys.
What a Nice surprise.
- Are you - Here with Barton.
He's playing poker in the card room.
The cigar smoke was nauseating.
- And are you - Alone.
My wife's at home with our little one.
- He has an earache.
- Oh.
So I only like the cashews.
- Look, Mrs.
Scully - Oh, Margaret.
Goodness.
- Margaret.
Right, right, right.
- Um, I, uh Dr.
Langham, please.
- I am perfectly - No, I-I didn't want you to think - Honestly, there is nothing - So we're Of course.
Yes.
Have you spent much time in New York, doctor? In New York? Barton's leaving tomorrow afternoon for a three-day conference there.
He hates hotel food, so I just thought if you knew the city, you might be able to recommend a restaurant or two.
I'm out early today.
I have an endometrial biopsy first thing.
- Well, can I have ten minutes? - Uh, I need to get going.
But you can stay if you want Or not.
I keep a spare key under the planter in front.
So, can I come back after class and get things ready for dinner with your brother tonight? I didn't know that you want to join us.
Yeah.
That's fine.
And, sure, if you want to come back here and cook Aren't you worried leaving me alone in your apartment? - I don't know.
Should I be? - I'll snoop.
The minute you're out that door, I'm gonna go through every drawer in the house, Check every coat pocket.
You'll find old gum wrappers and spare change.
What about matches with other girls' numbers written inside? Toss the old ones.
The new ones you can stack by the phone.
A lovely lady like you? Convertible absolutely.
You'll look just like Grace Kelly in "To Catch a Thief.
" I think we can manage from here, boys.
I was about to use a crowbar to pry them off of me.
I know what you mean.
Ethan, I cannot thank you enough for doing this.
Really, are you sure I'm not taking you away from anything? Not a thing.
I rebuilt a Desoto Firedome in high school, so I love all this.
I'm not proud of the fact that I can't tell a crank case from a clutch.
I'm impressed you know either exists.
So, tell me, what make were you considering? - Chevy, Ford - Cheap.
My sister popped out five babies in four years.
A regular baby factory.
I figured I'd be just the same but It's been a year, doctor.
And it's not like we're not giving it our best.
- So you have intercourse regularly? - Pretty much like rabbits.
Honey.
At least a few times a night.
- Per night? - My sister swears that's the key.
Frequency And position.
I see.
And that's the missionary position or The reclining lotus.
My sister traveled to India one summer.
She came back with dengue fever and a copy of the Kama Sutra.
Well Mr.
And Mrs.
Prescott, um We'll start with a series of tests to rule out any physical explanation for why you haven't conceived.
And while I'm helping you, maybe you can help me.
There is something else I'm working on Something you might find interesting.
Uh, a study.
I-I'll get my associate, Mrs.
Johnson, to talk to you about it.
She's she's better at explaining this than I.
Virginia! I need some paper work for the Prescotts.
I'm sorry, dr.
Masters, are you talking to me? It's Adelaide, sir.
Remember? What happened to - The brunette? - Ruthanne? You said that it didn't work out with her.
I'm her replacement.
Well, I can't seem to find the necessary forms for the Prescotts.
Do you remember where you left them? What time is Mrs.
Johnson expected in? Virginia said I was to help you with all secretarial matters, that I was to encourage you to rely on me.
All right, I'm relying on you to find Mrs.
Johnson.
Now! You'd be surprised how many subjects admit to having lost their virginity in the backs of cars.
Judith Treap she was my first.
That is an unfortunate name.
She made up for it in other ways.
I'm sure she did.
And you? Let me guess.
High-school quarterback Or your math teacher.
No.
- My first boyfriend Gordon Garrett.
- Oh, lucky dog.
Why him? I was ready.
He was there.
Only years later did I realize I was probably his first, too.
And they they put our yearbook photos together in the "Prophecy" section.
Mine said "Mrs.
Gordon Garrett, formerly Miss Mary Virginia Eshelman.
" And why didn't Miss Eshelman marry Mr.
Garrett? Because Mr.
Garrett was destined to be a farmer.
And I I was destined for something else.
- Harold, Harold, look at this one.
- I think you have competition.
No.
I'm already attached to this car.
So, ready to sign on the dotted line? Yes.
Yes.
I just need to ask Bill.
They don't make loans to single women.
I need a co-signer.
I can co-sign.
No, Ethan, Bill already signs my checks.
This is it's easier.
What can be easier than me, right here, co-signing so that you, right now, can leave this lot with a new set of wheels? Unless you'd rather see Myrtle here drive off in your car.
- Adelaide Where are you going? - Home.
Dr.
Masters didn't like the way that I was filing things.
- How were you filing things? - Alphabetically.
- Adelaide was a very good candidate.
- She was disorganized.
- It was her first day.
- She couldn't spell "anesthesia.
" I can't spell "anesthesia.
" I found a couple for you to sign up for the study today The Prescotts.
Fine.
I will sign the Prescotts.
But as for these secretaries Promoting you to my research assistant should not come at the expense of my practice falling to ruins.
I think we should screen the secretarial candidates more thoroughly.
And in the meantime, until we find someone truly qualified - You can resume - Uh-uh.
No.
No, you cannot demote me after promoting me.
I'm a researcher now.
I'm going to find you a secretary much better than me.
"Than I.
" See? I'm going to find you a secretary who knows the difference And cares.
That would be a gross violation of medical protocol.
Bill can't handle the stress of this because of the miscarriage.
But if he didn't know He doesn't want you two to try again.
He said it.
- I think he meant it.
- No, Bill always means what he says.
But that doesn't mean Bill always knows what's best for him.
Ethan, this is not just about my wanting a baby.
I mean, of course I want that, but I also want us to love something together, to worry and take pride and enjoy something that belongs to both of us.
- We don't have that now.
- That's not true.
Yes, it is.
Bill has his work, which he mostly keeps to himself.
And he listens to me, sort of, when I talk about my day.
A child smiles and sits up and walks, and a couple have that together.
Without it, I'm don't think I can compete.
I mean, in an odd way, even he and Virginia have more in common.
Bill is not going to run off with Virginia, if that's what you're worried about.
I know that.
But maybe someday someone that he shares a passion with will have more to offer him than his wife.
We can resume the capping with Bill's frozen sperm, but only if you and bill have sex Regularly.
Otherwise, it's going to look like an immaculate conception.
As it is, he'll be suspicious enough If you wind up pregnant with his sperm count.
He knows the odds are essentially a million to one.
We are owed a miracle.
If he thinks I've intervened, he will have my head.
I will do my part, Ethan.
I promise.
Thank you.
There's three outs left for St.
Louis to get the win, and a call strike one Still, it's the first sign of life Here's a little something till dinner.
Is the fourth quarter almost over? Well, it's top of the 9th, and the Cubs are down by 13.
They could still come back.
I've had D.
O.
A.
patients with better chances of coming back.
Your kids like baseball? I'm guessing they're Cardinals fans.
My kids? - Didn't you tell me she had kids? - "She?" Who? Ah, hell.
I you know, I I was confusing you with our friend, uh, uh, Jack's girl.
It's my mistake.
I think I've had a few too many.
Yeah, I'll say.
I'm cutting you off now.
I didn't wrap it.
Cashews.
Hi.
Are you waiting for somebody? - A friend, yes.
- It's cold.
- Can I sit in your car till he comes? - Who says it's a "he"? And no, I think I'll wait alone.
Close the door.
Everyone's wise to what happens in this neighborhood, you know.
It's where faggots come to get fucked.
Come on! Money.
It's in my briefcase.
Take it.
Hey! Hey! - Cops are on their way.
- Bullshit.
Wanna wait and find out? Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Jesus Christ.
You can't take me to the E.
R.
Are you mad? You need a doctor.
I am a doctor.
I told you not to meet me there.
We should've met at the train station or in New York, for Christ's sake.
I can't have anyone see me like this.
Say, which chair is his? Over by the window.
He likes the view.
Are these his glasses? - I've got 20/20 vision.
- And I've got a meatloaf sandwich.
- But if you don't like it - No, no.
This is great.
Say, what would the provost say if he walked in right now? Does he own a gun? Barton? Lord, no.
You're something, you know that? Last time someone poured me milk I was 10.
And look how much you've grown.
Drink up now.
You're going to need your strength.
I was 15.
- Where did it take place? - In the back of a Plymouth.
And how old were you when you first had sexual intercourse? in a cabin on Rainbow Lake.
Did you have sexual intercourse with your spouse before marriage? I did not.
- Did you? - Yes, with both marriages.
I suppose it never occurred to me to wait until marriage.
If currently married, how frequently do you have coitus with your spouse? Uh, we're Not having coitus presently.
Because of the miscarriage.
I should have skipped that question.
It's all right.
Uh, how frequently do you have coitus with a partner? - I don't have a partner at present.
- Meaning you're not having coitus? Meaning no, not right now.
Last question before we start.
Does emotional attachment play a significant role in your ability to enjoy sex? A significant role hard to say.
But Yes, I suppose so.
A qualified yes.
And you? Not really.
I mean, it can, but It's a curious thing.
I've always felt different from other women.
Most women They want love when they sleep with a man.
But I've always been able to separate sex from love.
- Bill.
- Mm-hmm? You're humming.
Am I? Well, it would appear our efforts were more successful this time According to the data.
You orgasmed H-how many times? What does the readout say? Well, I think an anecdotal confirmation is also valuable.
Two times.
I orgasmed twice.
- In positions two and four? - Three and four.
Three and four.
So Male superior, female knee to chest and female superior rear facing.
No, position three was female superior, both front facing.
- No, that was knee to chest.
- No, we started with knee to chest.
There was significantly more clitoral stimulation in, for example, position four.
The reclining lotus.
It's from the Kama Sutra.
Anyway This is interesting.
We both orgasmed in the same position, but I seem to have arrived first both times.
I came two minutes before you here And four minutes earlier.
Well, that may have been a function of etiquette as much as biology.
Ladies first? You are a gentleman.
A hungry gentleman.
Maybe we should get a bite go for dinner somewhere.
Masters.
I was hoping you were already on your way, daddy.
We decided this morning to have an evening to ourselves.
Remember? Of course.
- Uh, I should be leaving shortly.
- All right.
Drive fast not too fast.
I will do both.
I just realized I was due home an hour ago.
Uh, you're unzipped.
Here.
Let me.
Oh, I'll get it.
Good night.
Barton? What the hell? I was robbed.
- Why aren't you at emergency? - It's not serious.
Lie down.
Come on.
Lie down.
The train didn't leave for an hour.
I had time to kill.
So I I parked behind those theaters on Market Street.
I mean, it's not a bad neighborhood.
I figured I'd use the time to Plan my trip.
When out of nowhere, these hoodlums walk up to my car with a knife.
And for absolutely no reason For god's sake, Barton.
I know why you're not at the hospital.
I know why there are no police here asking questions.
So just say nothing if you want, but don't lie to me.
- People can't know about this.
- Obviously.
- I could lose my family.
- You could lose everything.
You will lose everything If you carry on like this Your job, your reputation, your medical license.
Is it worth it, just to meet some boy in an alley? Everything you've spent a lifetime building for yourself For this university? You think Margaret and Vivian will stand by you When this all comes out? It's not going to come out.
You nearly got killed tonight, Barton, For sitting in a car.
You can do your shirt up.
- I can go again.
- See, I like that about you.
You get on top this time.
Austin, someone's coming.
Would that someone be you? No, Austin, there's someone in the driveway.
Who is it? My husband.
Margaret, I'm sorry.
Did I wake you? I was up.
I wasn't expecting you.
The train, a problem with the track and, uh Anyway, New York is off.
What's wrong, dear? I need you to go to your bedroom, Barton, and stay there.
Please.
Forward.
And back.
Now up.
And down.
One and two.
Three and four.
Forward and back.
- I'm sorry I'm - There he is.
The very man who bought me my first Martini.
Remember? Majestic ballroom? You danced to the Lester Lanin band.
I was 27.
Would have climbed the Matterhorn to impress you.
You didn't have to, did you? Just a hint of vermouth, like at Vitoâs.
It took some trial and error.
- Is that all you've had to eat? - I don't have an appetite.
Not for dinner, anyway.
Libby, I've had a long, trying day.
So unwind with your wife.
Pretend you're 27 again.
No, I think I'll draw you a bath instead.
Good idea we can get in together.
No, no, no, no, no.
The tub won't accommodate us both.
I'll put on some hot coffee.
The cards won yesterday.
Aren't you even going to ask? - About your guest? No.
I'm not.
- And why is that? I trust you to tell me what I need to know.
"You trust me?" Last night, your wife was upstairs in her room, in your house, with another man.
- That that doesn't bother you? - Of course it does.
Well, then then act like it matters! - Act like I matter! Yell at me.
- I don't want to yell, Margaret.
Because of what you've been up to? Is that it? People in glass houses? I don't know what you're talking about.
I know there have been other women.
- No.
- I'm not blind.
I I All your late nights, the out-of-town conferences.
I am the provost of a major university.
Yes, you're a very important man who has not laid a hand on his wife in six years.
There are no other women, Margaret.
Then it's me.
You don't want to fight for me because you don't want me anymore.
I can't imagine my life without you.
Everything I have, everything that matters to me, I have because of you.
But you don't want me, do you, Barton? You don't want to Make love to me.
- Why? What is wrong with me? - Nothing.
You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me.
Then why are we like this? Answer me.
What is wrong with you?! W-what is wrong with you?! Oh, God.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Good morning.
Jane.
Your new secretary.
Dr.
Masters, so nice to be working with you again This time, with my clothes on.
Virginia, my office, please.
Before you disappear, you have six patients scheduled this morning.
The first, Mrs.
Holloway, is at 9:30.
You have a lunch with a Dean Braverman.
I wasn't sure if his name was Dean or he is a dean, so I made a reservation at the faculty club just in case.
And, um, if you notice a smell in your office, I had Jerry from maintenance attend to that coffee stain on the carpet beside your desk.
Thank you.
There's one more thing that Jane would like to tell you.
"anesthesia.
" A-n-e-s-t-h-e-s-i-a.
"Anesthesia.
" Good morning, sir.
- Good night? - What's that? Did you have a good night? Fine.
You have a great day, sir.
Hi.
Libby.
- Bill has a lunch.
- I assumed.
Um I'm actually here for my follow-up appointment with Ethan.
And I thought I would pop in and see you.
Um, you don't have an aspirin, do you? It's a hospital.
We even have morphine if you want.
Actually, um There's something else that I hoped you could help me with.
Bill's been coming home late recently - A lot, often past 10:00.
- The study The research has entered a new phase.
I-I know how important the study is to him.
I suppose to both of you.
It's just, he's so tired when he gets home, and We haven't been finding time for each other.
Time that a husband and wife need.
You haven't? I just thought if you could get him home before he's dead on his feet I actually don't handle Bill's schedule anymore.
Right.
It's Jane now.
Should I be talking to her? No.
No.
You don't have to say another word.
I will find a way to shift things around.
Don't worry.
This is absolutely no concern of yours.
She came to me.
And you couldn't say, "I don't feel comfortable discussing this"? She's my friend, Bill.
She was asking me for help.
You know, Jonas Salk volunteered himself and his family to be the first test subjects for the polio vaccine.
Werner Forssmann inserted a urethral tube into his elbow, pushed it to his heart, then x-rayed himself to prove that cardiac catheterization is possible.
There is a long and very healthy tradition of scientists making themselves the subject of their own studies.
Well, I-I can't continue this work If it comes at the expense of your marriage.
I am not discussing my sex life with you.
According to Libby, there's little to discuss.
I am very clear on where the line is between you and me and what we do here.
- It is for the work.
- I don't need you to tell me that.
So then whatever goes on between us can't affect Libby.
It won't.
Just so we have an understanding.
So as soon as you and Libby are back to normal, then you and I can continue our work.
Gini.
Ethan, what are you doing here so late? Delivering a linebacker 11 pounds, 7 ounces.
You could stick a helmet on this kid and draft him right now.
- Bill.
- Dr.
Haas.
Ethan, I've been meaning to tell you the kids They just love the car.
Uh, well, it's a good family car.
I'm happy I could help.
Bill? You home early? I'm locked out.
Scared me to death.
I saw your car in the driveway, but I didn't know where you'd gone I went to get some firewood from the stack behind the garage.
The door slammed shut.
I got locked out.
- You're shivering.
- Because it's freezing.
There.
That's a nice look on you.
I thought, uh, we could have dinner in front of the fire tonight.
You did? We haven't done that in a long time.
I'll go get dressed, start dinner.
I've missed you.
Isn't the hotel on Sycamore? You mind if we get something to eat first? No.
No.
Who do you think he thinks I am? One of those golf pros at the club? Maybe the handyman? I've never had any secrets from him.
But now I have you.
And I want to keep you to myself and at the same time, tell everyone.
But you won't, right? I guess what I'm saying is There are these moments when everything changes.
Like the moment a nurse hands you this little bundle and says, "Here is your daughter, Mrs.
Scully.
" Or your dad clutches your hand as you walk down the aisle and you realize he's crying.
Or the moment a very handsome young doctor turns to you outside a theater and asks, "Did you like the movie?" And suddenly everything is different.
You have saved my life, dr.
Langham.
I don't have a thing for older women.
I have a thing for women.
Okay, so maybe Margaret could be my mother.
B-but Jane was this Adventuress.
She was a girl I could have sex with while people watched.
Tracy before that she was she was a sex kitten.
Diane was Unapproachable ice queen.
So all of the women in your life have been a type.
Have any of them been a person to you? See, another stupid shrink question.
Listen, all I know is I was driving with Margaret, I was feeling great.
I was gonna eat a plate of linguini, we were gonna go to the hotel, hump our brains out.
That's a fun evening.
Am I right? And what happened? You know the high striker at the amusement park That thing where you take the mallet and try to ring the bell? What if you took a whack at that thing and the bell suddenly said, "Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, thank you.
That feels so amazing, and I've never been this happy in my entire life.
" It's not so much fun then, anymore, is it? So the bell you're trying to ring becomes animate Becomes a person.
Isn't our time almost up? Smart of you.
Of course no one would know me on the pediatric ward.
Yes, I'm full of tricks today Sneaking you in here, stealing your husband's sperm from the sperm bank.
I know you're angry with me, Ethan.
But I will just say this.
You're saving my life And Bill's.
And if there is any way that I could ever repay you Before we do the capping Can you Look in this catalogue and pick out some new sheets for me? Sheets a girl would like, That would make her feel at home.
Of course.
I would be happy to.
Honeyed linen.
I think its bran.
No, the, um, the shade of my new bedding - For the apartment.
- You bought new bedding? Now that I've got a pretty girl spending the odd night, I figured I better spruce the place up.
You like me staying over every now and then? I do.
My last girlfriend, she didn't like spending the night.
She has two kids that's what David was talking about.
He got confused.
Why are you telling me this? You said you wanted to snoop.
Well, this is what you'll find.
I had my heart broken.
Is it over between you two? It is.
I thought that we could still be friends but That's the past.
You, me, honeyed linen, huh? That's the future.
You, Vivian Scully you're my future.
Are you actually late, dr.
Masters? When are we bringing in the next batch of study subjects? I have four couples for tomorrow night - The Prescotts included.
- Good.
Then if you're free this evening, you and I can resume our participation in the work.
The matter you were concerned about It's been rectified.
I'm so glad.
And Libby Is looking forward to having her husband back.
And that is the last you will hear of it.
You were right.
There are lines we shouldn't cross.
This is one of them.
This, uh This is complicated for me.
I mean I love my wife.
Okay.
So what happened the other night I can't keep doing that.
That's why, from now on, it has to be a hotel Someplace safe where we have a routine A protocol.
Stitches are still in.
I'll be careful.
I realize you could have left me there.
Left you? Come on.
You were under no obligation to care for me.
You could have gotten hurt.
I got jumped last year.
I wished to hell someone had shown up to help me.
I know.
It's scary.
I'm sorry.
Jane is just so diligent, I couldn't get her to leave for the day.
She felt there were too many hand notations in your wheeldex, so she stayed to retype the entire thing.
I was thinking tonight Female superior, both sitting, partially reclined.
The angle might be optimal for clitoral stimulation.
The rocking horse.
I looked it up.
She has been doing a good job, though, don't you think? Who, Jane? She's adequate.
She's lasted two full days.
That's two more days than her predecessors.
And be honest.
Hasn't she met all your needs? Last week, I got a thank-you note from Chancellor Fitzhugh's wife.
Apparently, I sent zinnias for her 60th birthday.
I don't think I could pick Stella Fitzhugh out of a police lineup.
- Plateau.
- Plateau Or a zinnia, for that matter.
But you can.
And did.
Her name is Estelle, for the record.
And it's important to keep the Chancellor happy.
Should I slow down? Jane will make a fine secretary.
But to really anticipate someone's needs That's a rare thing.
- Eight.
- Nine.
Wait.
What? Catch up.
Orgasm.
We should eat if we're going to go over the data.
I could pick up some deli from around the corner, or we could go out for a bite.
I can't.
I have plans.
At this hour? I'm meeting Libby for a late dinner.
Well, you're taking her someplace nice, I hope.
I am.
We can review the data in the morning.
All right, then.
In the morning.
- Is this baby gone? - I'm so sorry.
Libby, we have a family.
Just the two of us That's enough for me.
- The study is back.
- Heck yes.
Why won't my dick work?! The problem's not in your pants, Austin, it's in your head.
I fuck men Or get fucked, mostly dealer's choice.
I want you to tell me the truth.
I need to know if you've ever mentioned my name to anyone.
Look, I wouldn't want to ruin a good thing.
You want to enlist the provost's wife? Have you ever experienced an orgasm? I don't know.
- You would know.
- I would? Mrs.
Scully? Oh, dr.
Langham, w-what a nice surprise.
Can I walk you to your car? I think you should have a different title.
'Cause you're not just a secretary, are you? - What am I? - You're a research assistant.
Why can some women orgasm without any genital stimulation whatsoever? I'd need to see proof of that.
We're scientists.
Let's see.
Season 1, Episode 7 "All Together Now" - Plateau.
- Plateau Orgasm.
Resolution.
The plateau state of the male subject lasted 8 minutes and 31 seconds, Resulting in his orgasm and resolution, But not in the female's.
It's the position.
If our goal is to determine which position provides optimum clitoral stimulation, on a scale of 1-10, I would give the missionary a 4.
Although, uh One instance of data collection is hardly a wide sampling.
And I-I do think this line of inquiry is worth pursuing.
So we will bring in subjects and see what a broad sampling reveals? While continuing the work ourselves.
And we'll have to fill out questionnaires.
If we're going to be full participants in the study.
Another night.
I'll put the information in the safe with the other subjects.
Uh, you can close up here.
We'll resume tomorrow.
- Have a good game.
- Have fun.
See you soon, boys.
What a Nice surprise.
- Are you - Here with Barton.
He's playing poker in the card room.
The cigar smoke was nauseating.
- And are you - Alone.
My wife's at home with our little one.
- He has an earache.
- Oh.
So I only like the cashews.
- Look, Mrs.
Scully - Oh, Margaret.
Goodness.
- Margaret.
Right, right, right.
- Um, I, uh Dr.
Langham, please.
- I am perfectly - No, I-I didn't want you to think - Honestly, there is nothing - So we're Of course.
Yes.
Have you spent much time in New York, doctor? In New York? Barton's leaving tomorrow afternoon for a three-day conference there.
He hates hotel food, so I just thought if you knew the city, you might be able to recommend a restaurant or two.
I'm out early today.
I have an endometrial biopsy first thing.
- Well, can I have ten minutes? - Uh, I need to get going.
But you can stay if you want Or not.
I keep a spare key under the planter in front.
So, can I come back after class and get things ready for dinner with your brother tonight? I didn't know that you want to join us.
Yeah.
That's fine.
And, sure, if you want to come back here and cook Aren't you worried leaving me alone in your apartment? - I don't know.
Should I be? - I'll snoop.
The minute you're out that door, I'm gonna go through every drawer in the house, Check every coat pocket.
You'll find old gum wrappers and spare change.
What about matches with other girls' numbers written inside? Toss the old ones.
The new ones you can stack by the phone.
A lovely lady like you? Convertible absolutely.
You'll look just like Grace Kelly in "To Catch a Thief.
" I think we can manage from here, boys.
I was about to use a crowbar to pry them off of me.
I know what you mean.
Ethan, I cannot thank you enough for doing this.
Really, are you sure I'm not taking you away from anything? Not a thing.
I rebuilt a Desoto Firedome in high school, so I love all this.
I'm not proud of the fact that I can't tell a crank case from a clutch.
I'm impressed you know either exists.
So, tell me, what make were you considering? - Chevy, Ford - Cheap.
My sister popped out five babies in four years.
A regular baby factory.
I figured I'd be just the same but It's been a year, doctor.
And it's not like we're not giving it our best.
- So you have intercourse regularly? - Pretty much like rabbits.
Honey.
At least a few times a night.
- Per night? - My sister swears that's the key.
Frequency And position.
I see.
And that's the missionary position or The reclining lotus.
My sister traveled to India one summer.
She came back with dengue fever and a copy of the Kama Sutra.
Well Mr.
And Mrs.
Prescott, um We'll start with a series of tests to rule out any physical explanation for why you haven't conceived.
And while I'm helping you, maybe you can help me.
There is something else I'm working on Something you might find interesting.
Uh, a study.
I-I'll get my associate, Mrs.
Johnson, to talk to you about it.
She's she's better at explaining this than I.
Virginia! I need some paper work for the Prescotts.
I'm sorry, dr.
Masters, are you talking to me? It's Adelaide, sir.
Remember? What happened to - The brunette? - Ruthanne? You said that it didn't work out with her.
I'm her replacement.
Well, I can't seem to find the necessary forms for the Prescotts.
Do you remember where you left them? What time is Mrs.
Johnson expected in? Virginia said I was to help you with all secretarial matters, that I was to encourage you to rely on me.
All right, I'm relying on you to find Mrs.
Johnson.
Now! You'd be surprised how many subjects admit to having lost their virginity in the backs of cars.
Judith Treap she was my first.
That is an unfortunate name.
She made up for it in other ways.
I'm sure she did.
And you? Let me guess.
High-school quarterback Or your math teacher.
No.
- My first boyfriend Gordon Garrett.
- Oh, lucky dog.
Why him? I was ready.
He was there.
Only years later did I realize I was probably his first, too.
And they they put our yearbook photos together in the "Prophecy" section.
Mine said "Mrs.
Gordon Garrett, formerly Miss Mary Virginia Eshelman.
" And why didn't Miss Eshelman marry Mr.
Garrett? Because Mr.
Garrett was destined to be a farmer.
And I I was destined for something else.
- Harold, Harold, look at this one.
- I think you have competition.
No.
I'm already attached to this car.
So, ready to sign on the dotted line? Yes.
Yes.
I just need to ask Bill.
They don't make loans to single women.
I need a co-signer.
I can co-sign.
No, Ethan, Bill already signs my checks.
This is it's easier.
What can be easier than me, right here, co-signing so that you, right now, can leave this lot with a new set of wheels? Unless you'd rather see Myrtle here drive off in your car.
- Adelaide Where are you going? - Home.
Dr.
Masters didn't like the way that I was filing things.
- How were you filing things? - Alphabetically.
- Adelaide was a very good candidate.
- She was disorganized.
- It was her first day.
- She couldn't spell "anesthesia.
" I can't spell "anesthesia.
" I found a couple for you to sign up for the study today The Prescotts.
Fine.
I will sign the Prescotts.
But as for these secretaries Promoting you to my research assistant should not come at the expense of my practice falling to ruins.
I think we should screen the secretarial candidates more thoroughly.
And in the meantime, until we find someone truly qualified - You can resume - Uh-uh.
No.
No, you cannot demote me after promoting me.
I'm a researcher now.
I'm going to find you a secretary much better than me.
"Than I.
" See? I'm going to find you a secretary who knows the difference And cares.
That would be a gross violation of medical protocol.
Bill can't handle the stress of this because of the miscarriage.
But if he didn't know He doesn't want you two to try again.
He said it.
- I think he meant it.
- No, Bill always means what he says.
But that doesn't mean Bill always knows what's best for him.
Ethan, this is not just about my wanting a baby.
I mean, of course I want that, but I also want us to love something together, to worry and take pride and enjoy something that belongs to both of us.
- We don't have that now.
- That's not true.
Yes, it is.
Bill has his work, which he mostly keeps to himself.
And he listens to me, sort of, when I talk about my day.
A child smiles and sits up and walks, and a couple have that together.
Without it, I'm don't think I can compete.
I mean, in an odd way, even he and Virginia have more in common.
Bill is not going to run off with Virginia, if that's what you're worried about.
I know that.
But maybe someday someone that he shares a passion with will have more to offer him than his wife.
We can resume the capping with Bill's frozen sperm, but only if you and bill have sex Regularly.
Otherwise, it's going to look like an immaculate conception.
As it is, he'll be suspicious enough If you wind up pregnant with his sperm count.
He knows the odds are essentially a million to one.
We are owed a miracle.
If he thinks I've intervened, he will have my head.
I will do my part, Ethan.
I promise.
Thank you.
There's three outs left for St.
Louis to get the win, and a call strike one Still, it's the first sign of life Here's a little something till dinner.
Is the fourth quarter almost over? Well, it's top of the 9th, and the Cubs are down by 13.
They could still come back.
I've had D.
O.
A.
patients with better chances of coming back.
Your kids like baseball? I'm guessing they're Cardinals fans.
My kids? - Didn't you tell me she had kids? - "She?" Who? Ah, hell.
I you know, I I was confusing you with our friend, uh, uh, Jack's girl.
It's my mistake.
I think I've had a few too many.
Yeah, I'll say.
I'm cutting you off now.
I didn't wrap it.
Cashews.
Hi.
Are you waiting for somebody? - A friend, yes.
- It's cold.
- Can I sit in your car till he comes? - Who says it's a "he"? And no, I think I'll wait alone.
Close the door.
Everyone's wise to what happens in this neighborhood, you know.
It's where faggots come to get fucked.
Come on! Money.
It's in my briefcase.
Take it.
Hey! Hey! - Cops are on their way.
- Bullshit.
Wanna wait and find out? Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Jesus Christ.
You can't take me to the E.
R.
Are you mad? You need a doctor.
I am a doctor.
I told you not to meet me there.
We should've met at the train station or in New York, for Christ's sake.
I can't have anyone see me like this.
Say, which chair is his? Over by the window.
He likes the view.
Are these his glasses? - I've got 20/20 vision.
- And I've got a meatloaf sandwich.
- But if you don't like it - No, no.
This is great.
Say, what would the provost say if he walked in right now? Does he own a gun? Barton? Lord, no.
You're something, you know that? Last time someone poured me milk I was 10.
And look how much you've grown.
Drink up now.
You're going to need your strength.
I was 15.
- Where did it take place? - In the back of a Plymouth.
And how old were you when you first had sexual intercourse? in a cabin on Rainbow Lake.
Did you have sexual intercourse with your spouse before marriage? I did not.
- Did you? - Yes, with both marriages.
I suppose it never occurred to me to wait until marriage.
If currently married, how frequently do you have coitus with your spouse? Uh, we're Not having coitus presently.
Because of the miscarriage.
I should have skipped that question.
It's all right.
Uh, how frequently do you have coitus with a partner? - I don't have a partner at present.
- Meaning you're not having coitus? Meaning no, not right now.
Last question before we start.
Does emotional attachment play a significant role in your ability to enjoy sex? A significant role hard to say.
But Yes, I suppose so.
A qualified yes.
And you? Not really.
I mean, it can, but It's a curious thing.
I've always felt different from other women.
Most women They want love when they sleep with a man.
But I've always been able to separate sex from love.
- Bill.
- Mm-hmm? You're humming.
Am I? Well, it would appear our efforts were more successful this time According to the data.
You orgasmed H-how many times? What does the readout say? Well, I think an anecdotal confirmation is also valuable.
Two times.
I orgasmed twice.
- In positions two and four? - Three and four.
Three and four.
So Male superior, female knee to chest and female superior rear facing.
No, position three was female superior, both front facing.
- No, that was knee to chest.
- No, we started with knee to chest.
There was significantly more clitoral stimulation in, for example, position four.
The reclining lotus.
It's from the Kama Sutra.
Anyway This is interesting.
We both orgasmed in the same position, but I seem to have arrived first both times.
I came two minutes before you here And four minutes earlier.
Well, that may have been a function of etiquette as much as biology.
Ladies first? You are a gentleman.
A hungry gentleman.
Maybe we should get a bite go for dinner somewhere.
Masters.
I was hoping you were already on your way, daddy.
We decided this morning to have an evening to ourselves.
Remember? Of course.
- Uh, I should be leaving shortly.
- All right.
Drive fast not too fast.
I will do both.
I just realized I was due home an hour ago.
Uh, you're unzipped.
Here.
Let me.
Oh, I'll get it.
Good night.
Barton? What the hell? I was robbed.
- Why aren't you at emergency? - It's not serious.
Lie down.
Come on.
Lie down.
The train didn't leave for an hour.
I had time to kill.
So I I parked behind those theaters on Market Street.
I mean, it's not a bad neighborhood.
I figured I'd use the time to Plan my trip.
When out of nowhere, these hoodlums walk up to my car with a knife.
And for absolutely no reason For god's sake, Barton.
I know why you're not at the hospital.
I know why there are no police here asking questions.
So just say nothing if you want, but don't lie to me.
- People can't know about this.
- Obviously.
- I could lose my family.
- You could lose everything.
You will lose everything If you carry on like this Your job, your reputation, your medical license.
Is it worth it, just to meet some boy in an alley? Everything you've spent a lifetime building for yourself For this university? You think Margaret and Vivian will stand by you When this all comes out? It's not going to come out.
You nearly got killed tonight, Barton, For sitting in a car.
You can do your shirt up.
- I can go again.
- See, I like that about you.
You get on top this time.
Austin, someone's coming.
Would that someone be you? No, Austin, there's someone in the driveway.
Who is it? My husband.
Margaret, I'm sorry.
Did I wake you? I was up.
I wasn't expecting you.
The train, a problem with the track and, uh Anyway, New York is off.
What's wrong, dear? I need you to go to your bedroom, Barton, and stay there.
Please.
Forward.
And back.
Now up.
And down.
One and two.
Three and four.
Forward and back.
- I'm sorry I'm - There he is.
The very man who bought me my first Martini.
Remember? Majestic ballroom? You danced to the Lester Lanin band.
I was 27.
Would have climbed the Matterhorn to impress you.
You didn't have to, did you? Just a hint of vermouth, like at Vitoâs.
It took some trial and error.
- Is that all you've had to eat? - I don't have an appetite.
Not for dinner, anyway.
Libby, I've had a long, trying day.
So unwind with your wife.
Pretend you're 27 again.
No, I think I'll draw you a bath instead.
Good idea we can get in together.
No, no, no, no, no.
The tub won't accommodate us both.
I'll put on some hot coffee.
The cards won yesterday.
Aren't you even going to ask? - About your guest? No.
I'm not.
- And why is that? I trust you to tell me what I need to know.
"You trust me?" Last night, your wife was upstairs in her room, in your house, with another man.
- That that doesn't bother you? - Of course it does.
Well, then then act like it matters! - Act like I matter! Yell at me.
- I don't want to yell, Margaret.
Because of what you've been up to? Is that it? People in glass houses? I don't know what you're talking about.
I know there have been other women.
- No.
- I'm not blind.
I I All your late nights, the out-of-town conferences.
I am the provost of a major university.
Yes, you're a very important man who has not laid a hand on his wife in six years.
There are no other women, Margaret.
Then it's me.
You don't want to fight for me because you don't want me anymore.
I can't imagine my life without you.
Everything I have, everything that matters to me, I have because of you.
But you don't want me, do you, Barton? You don't want to Make love to me.
- Why? What is wrong with me? - Nothing.
You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me.
Then why are we like this? Answer me.
What is wrong with you?! W-what is wrong with you?! Oh, God.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Good morning.
Jane.
Your new secretary.
Dr.
Masters, so nice to be working with you again This time, with my clothes on.
Virginia, my office, please.
Before you disappear, you have six patients scheduled this morning.
The first, Mrs.
Holloway, is at 9:30.
You have a lunch with a Dean Braverman.
I wasn't sure if his name was Dean or he is a dean, so I made a reservation at the faculty club just in case.
And, um, if you notice a smell in your office, I had Jerry from maintenance attend to that coffee stain on the carpet beside your desk.
Thank you.
There's one more thing that Jane would like to tell you.
"anesthesia.
" A-n-e-s-t-h-e-s-i-a.
"Anesthesia.
" Good morning, sir.
- Good night? - What's that? Did you have a good night? Fine.
You have a great day, sir.
Hi.
Libby.
- Bill has a lunch.
- I assumed.
Um I'm actually here for my follow-up appointment with Ethan.
And I thought I would pop in and see you.
Um, you don't have an aspirin, do you? It's a hospital.
We even have morphine if you want.
Actually, um There's something else that I hoped you could help me with.
Bill's been coming home late recently - A lot, often past 10:00.
- The study The research has entered a new phase.
I-I know how important the study is to him.
I suppose to both of you.
It's just, he's so tired when he gets home, and We haven't been finding time for each other.
Time that a husband and wife need.
You haven't? I just thought if you could get him home before he's dead on his feet I actually don't handle Bill's schedule anymore.
Right.
It's Jane now.
Should I be talking to her? No.
No.
You don't have to say another word.
I will find a way to shift things around.
Don't worry.
This is absolutely no concern of yours.
She came to me.
And you couldn't say, "I don't feel comfortable discussing this"? She's my friend, Bill.
She was asking me for help.
You know, Jonas Salk volunteered himself and his family to be the first test subjects for the polio vaccine.
Werner Forssmann inserted a urethral tube into his elbow, pushed it to his heart, then x-rayed himself to prove that cardiac catheterization is possible.
There is a long and very healthy tradition of scientists making themselves the subject of their own studies.
Well, I-I can't continue this work If it comes at the expense of your marriage.
I am not discussing my sex life with you.
According to Libby, there's little to discuss.
I am very clear on where the line is between you and me and what we do here.
- It is for the work.
- I don't need you to tell me that.
So then whatever goes on between us can't affect Libby.
It won't.
Just so we have an understanding.
So as soon as you and Libby are back to normal, then you and I can continue our work.
Gini.
Ethan, what are you doing here so late? Delivering a linebacker 11 pounds, 7 ounces.
You could stick a helmet on this kid and draft him right now.
- Bill.
- Dr.
Haas.
Ethan, I've been meaning to tell you the kids They just love the car.
Uh, well, it's a good family car.
I'm happy I could help.
Bill? You home early? I'm locked out.
Scared me to death.
I saw your car in the driveway, but I didn't know where you'd gone I went to get some firewood from the stack behind the garage.
The door slammed shut.
I got locked out.
- You're shivering.
- Because it's freezing.
There.
That's a nice look on you.
I thought, uh, we could have dinner in front of the fire tonight.
You did? We haven't done that in a long time.
I'll go get dressed, start dinner.
I've missed you.
Isn't the hotel on Sycamore? You mind if we get something to eat first? No.
No.
Who do you think he thinks I am? One of those golf pros at the club? Maybe the handyman? I've never had any secrets from him.
But now I have you.
And I want to keep you to myself and at the same time, tell everyone.
But you won't, right? I guess what I'm saying is There are these moments when everything changes.
Like the moment a nurse hands you this little bundle and says, "Here is your daughter, Mrs.
Scully.
" Or your dad clutches your hand as you walk down the aisle and you realize he's crying.
Or the moment a very handsome young doctor turns to you outside a theater and asks, "Did you like the movie?" And suddenly everything is different.
You have saved my life, dr.
Langham.
I don't have a thing for older women.
I have a thing for women.
Okay, so maybe Margaret could be my mother.
B-but Jane was this Adventuress.
She was a girl I could have sex with while people watched.
Tracy before that she was she was a sex kitten.
Diane was Unapproachable ice queen.
So all of the women in your life have been a type.
Have any of them been a person to you? See, another stupid shrink question.
Listen, all I know is I was driving with Margaret, I was feeling great.
I was gonna eat a plate of linguini, we were gonna go to the hotel, hump our brains out.
That's a fun evening.
Am I right? And what happened? You know the high striker at the amusement park That thing where you take the mallet and try to ring the bell? What if you took a whack at that thing and the bell suddenly said, "Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, thank you.
That feels so amazing, and I've never been this happy in my entire life.
" It's not so much fun then, anymore, is it? So the bell you're trying to ring becomes animate Becomes a person.
Isn't our time almost up? Smart of you.
Of course no one would know me on the pediatric ward.
Yes, I'm full of tricks today Sneaking you in here, stealing your husband's sperm from the sperm bank.
I know you're angry with me, Ethan.
But I will just say this.
You're saving my life And Bill's.
And if there is any way that I could ever repay you Before we do the capping Can you Look in this catalogue and pick out some new sheets for me? Sheets a girl would like, That would make her feel at home.
Of course.
I would be happy to.
Honeyed linen.
I think its bran.
No, the, um, the shade of my new bedding - For the apartment.
- You bought new bedding? Now that I've got a pretty girl spending the odd night, I figured I better spruce the place up.
You like me staying over every now and then? I do.
My last girlfriend, she didn't like spending the night.
She has two kids that's what David was talking about.
He got confused.
Why are you telling me this? You said you wanted to snoop.
Well, this is what you'll find.
I had my heart broken.
Is it over between you two? It is.
I thought that we could still be friends but That's the past.
You, me, honeyed linen, huh? That's the future.
You, Vivian Scully you're my future.
Are you actually late, dr.
Masters? When are we bringing in the next batch of study subjects? I have four couples for tomorrow night - The Prescotts included.
- Good.
Then if you're free this evening, you and I can resume our participation in the work.
The matter you were concerned about It's been rectified.
I'm so glad.
And Libby Is looking forward to having her husband back.
And that is the last you will hear of it.
You were right.
There are lines we shouldn't cross.
This is one of them.
This, uh This is complicated for me.
I mean I love my wife.
Okay.
So what happened the other night I can't keep doing that.
That's why, from now on, it has to be a hotel Someplace safe where we have a routine A protocol.
Stitches are still in.
I'll be careful.
I realize you could have left me there.
Left you? Come on.
You were under no obligation to care for me.
You could have gotten hurt.
I got jumped last year.
I wished to hell someone had shown up to help me.
I know.
It's scary.
I'm sorry.
Jane is just so diligent, I couldn't get her to leave for the day.
She felt there were too many hand notations in your wheeldex, so she stayed to retype the entire thing.
I was thinking tonight Female superior, both sitting, partially reclined.
The angle might be optimal for clitoral stimulation.
The rocking horse.
I looked it up.
She has been doing a good job, though, don't you think? Who, Jane? She's adequate.
She's lasted two full days.
That's two more days than her predecessors.
And be honest.
Hasn't she met all your needs? Last week, I got a thank-you note from Chancellor Fitzhugh's wife.
Apparently, I sent zinnias for her 60th birthday.
I don't think I could pick Stella Fitzhugh out of a police lineup.
- Plateau.
- Plateau Or a zinnia, for that matter.
But you can.
And did.
Her name is Estelle, for the record.
And it's important to keep the Chancellor happy.
Should I slow down? Jane will make a fine secretary.
But to really anticipate someone's needs That's a rare thing.
- Eight.
- Nine.
Wait.
What? Catch up.
Orgasm.
We should eat if we're going to go over the data.
I could pick up some deli from around the corner, or we could go out for a bite.
I can't.
I have plans.
At this hour? I'm meeting Libby for a late dinner.
Well, you're taking her someplace nice, I hope.
I am.
We can review the data in the morning.
All right, then.
In the morning.