Monday Monday (2009) s01e07 Episode Script
Episode 7
he'll give you a one-off payment of 150,000 pounds, on proviso that you never, ever, contact him again.
How did you find out anyway? Did you get your little boyfriend to bug my office? I've got to do something.
I've got to change.
You need to know that I am mad about you.
Now that is a kiss.
Sally, I have to say you are the best candidate we've seen all day.
I should offer you the job right now but I do need to check one thing first.
Is Stephen going to dump Alyson? Sorry, what? Well, you had that big snog, didn't you? So, is he going to or not? Well, he said he would.
Yeah, men say a lot of things, don't they? Do you think he might've changed his mind, then? I don't know.
Let's ask him.
You having second thoughts? Oh, not sure.
Maybe.
He is.
He definitely is.
He wouldn't be the first one.
Mum! She's never had much luck with men.
All: Oh.
Good morning.
Is it? What's up? OK, I'm just going to come out and say this.
If you have any regrets about what happened yesterday, then I just want to say that I understand and it's fine.
I won't, you know, do anything - Sorry, carry on.
£ Theme music You are so paranoid.
Why would I suddenly go off you? It's a complicated situation, that's all.
You might have had second thoughts.
I might've had second thoughts.
Sorry, how many texts you send me last night? You sent loads too.
Most of which were saying 'Stop texting me, I'm watching a film.
' So, you stayed in last night, you didn't go and see you know who.
Yeah, I will speak to her today.
Tell it's over, I promise.
And then? And then, I shall woo you.
Woo me? Yeah, you know, write you poetry, take you on long country walks, buy you expensive presents.
There you go.
Actually, I could just take you out for dinner.
I shall have to check my diary and make sure I'm not being wooed by anyone else.
Well, it is the 21st Century, so wooing goes both ways.
So, what, I have to make some grand romantic gesture? I can't believe you haven't already.
Tonight? Tonight.
That is rubbish.
I looked through the window this morning and I thought today is a lemon drizzle cake day.
You've been very good with your health drive.
A little slice won't do you any harm.
I need you to send an email to everyone.
Honestly, you must start using that dictaphone I gave you.
Before you read that, we should talk.
You're not going to like what's in it.
Why? I think you ought to sit down, love.
Kept that quiet.
Yeah, well, I would have told you last night if you'd come around.
You feeling better? Yeah, yeah, sorry.
It's a bit of a cold, that's all.
Well, I think whatever is you've given it to me, I feel absolutely dreadful.
Can you get me some water? Sure, yeah.
Was there something else? Yeah, yes, there was actually.
Um.
Alyson - Oh, listen, before I forget, what time is the chairman coming in? About 20 minutes.
OK, great.
Be finished by 1:00 and then I am all yours.
Book somewhere nice for lunch.
Why? Because Roger has just resigned and the chairman's asked to see me.
Right, great.
Yep.
So, unless I spill coffee over him or make some terrible joke about male pattern baldness, the job's mine.
What did you want to say anyway? I will tell you at lunch.
OK.
(Intercom buzzes) Jenny.
Look, I told you it's not something I wanted to do.
They made me.
Do you have any idea what I've done for you? Of course I do.
It's been 15 years, there's not been a day - That's not what I meant.
Margaret Fox didn't just go away.
I paid her off.
What? 150,000 pounds, just to get rid of her.
And save you and your stupid job.
I can't believe you did that.
That makes two of us.
Alyson, I'd like you to meet Michael Anderson.
Michael works for Davidson Merit.
Hi, good to meet you.
Davidson Merit? As in the management consultants? Yeah, that's us.
Sorry to just spring this on you but Michael and his team work best when they turn up unannounced.
His team? Michael, could you give us a moment, please? Of course.
Thanks.
I've been planning this for a while.
And after the business with Roger the board felt that now would be a good time to double check that everything's running as it should.
Well, if it wasn't, I'm sure I'd know.
In the meantime - with regard to the job, rest assured, you're still very much one of our options.
One of your - I mean, I didn't realise there were other candidates.
We need to be sure we're appointing the right person.
Is this about my relationship with Stephen? Because I can assure you my personal life has absolutely no bearing on my work.
We'd love to have a chat with you tomorrow.
That OK? Of course.
(Thinks) Dear Alyson, you're a really interesting - oh, no.
.
.
a special person I've got to nip out for about 20 minutes, set up a meeting with Roger for when I get back.
And tell him it's urgent.
What about lunch? Lunch is off because I didn't get the job.
Well, not yet anyway, they're making me sweat on it.
Right, I see.
Thank you for your wonderful words of comfort.
Sorry, it's just I've got some things I need to say.
Well, they're going to have to wait now, aren't they? Obviously.
OK.
What's the most terrible thing that could happen to you? Terrible as in tidal wave? Or terrible as in, like, dressed like ginger knickers? No, terrible as in your ex-fiance in reception right now.
Yeah, probably about three or four days on this one.
See, I told you.
I don't believe it.
Look, maybe he's just come in for a meeting.
Like, a one-off, never to be repeated meeting.
And then maybe he'll just go to the Falkland Islands and live there forever.
Oh bollocks, he's seen us.
Oh, don't come up.
don't come.
He's coming up.
OK.
Alright.
Just give me some space.
Hey, Sal.
What are you doing here? Well, we're just, ah, troubleshooting for a few days.
I would've phoned you but it was all very last-minute.
Colleague of mine got glandular fever so I had to cover for him.
Look, um, I know this is a bit weird but I just want to say I am really sorry.
Fine, you've said it, now can you please leave? Ah, well, not really, no.
I've got a job to do.
But you can work anywhere.
I have just sorted my life out, I don't need you here ruining everything.
I'm not trying to ruin anything.
I just wanted to apologise.
Fine.
I forgive you.
Really? Mm-hmm.
New Sally, new start.
I've moved on.
Um, hasn't the old Sally got anything to say to me? It's been hard for me too.
Hey.
Hello.
Buongiorno, ladies.
Buongiorno.
Ciao, Karens.
Hey.
Christine, what you doing here? Yeah, I'm back early from holiday.
Shall we? Yeah.
So, what's going on? I'm cured.
They said they'd done everything they could, the rest was up to me.
After two days? Well, there's no time limit in rehab.
You know, everyone goes at their own pace.
Well, you look good.
Great actually.
You've had - Yeah.
One of the methadone addicts used to be a beautician.
Anyway, I looked at my Blackberry thingy, saw that Roger was leaving, thought I'd better rush back.
I assume Alyson's next in line.
No announcement yet.
Oh! Oh my God! What is that two-timing bastard doing here? That two-timing bastard is a management consultant.
Be nice to him, for your sake, not mine.
Oh, Michael.
What a lovely surprise! Christine.
You look well.
This is Justin.
He'll be spending some time with you over the next couple of days reviewing the entire HR structure.
Well, I wholly support that idea.
So, how's your day going? Oh, great.
Yours? Yeah, good.
Great.
Looking forward to tonight.
Yeah.
Me too.
Yeah.
Cool.
OK, management consultants been parachuted in is not good.
If I'm wrong, and I very rarely am, I'd say the board have got cold feet about Alyson so firstly let's go out there and dazzle Ruth Badger.
Secondly let's hold off on Alyson's present.
We may need to buy something else if a bloke gets the job.
Like a power drill? Mm.
Exactly.
Right, team.
Let's go.
So the healthy life campaign was a huge success.
Sales went through the roof, brand established, mission accomplished.
Not saying it was all down to me.
Yeah, that's for other people to say.
It was all down to him.
Stop it, you.
You all seem to be working pretty well but I wonder if we should shake things up.
Probably not.
It's only a job swap.
So that means that the most senior person, in this case Max, will swap with the most junior person.
Who's Vince? What have you been saying to Gavin? Nothing.
You didn't put in a word about me and Steven about how inappropriate our relationship was? You're unbelievable.
I'm about to retire.
Which is apparently when you're meant to start looking forward to pottering for the rest of your life.
Except that I'm not.
This is the only thing I know and I'm bloody terrified.
So you really think at this moment in time I give a toss about you? Get over yourself! This job means everything to me! Well, then, let me give you a bit of advice.
In 20 years time, when some young hot-shot is trying to throw you out on your arse make sure there's more in your life than a pension and a share portfolio.
At least I've got my family.
More than you have.
Progress.
But why are we doing this again? I - Just say the first thing that comes into your head? Progress.
Japan.
Good.
Bad.
No, I mean good, as in well done.
Achievement.
Failure.
Success.
Failure.
Winning.
Failing.
Have you got a pen? Yeah.
Of course.
Who is it that said a tidy office means a tidy mind? Ghandi? There you go.
Ohyou're writing something bad, aren't you? Look, I'm sorry.
I'm a bittwitchy.
I've had enough of being analysed this week, to be honest.
Why? Where have you been? Italy.
Ah, probably best if you leave her to it.
It won't look good if you're seen to be helping her out.
It wouldn't look good.
So you are here to spy on us? We're not spying.
We're just seeing what works and what doesn't.
Ah-ha.
And reporting it back.
I didn't come here to fight, Sal.
I just wanted to talk to you.
Well, I'm I'm busy.
20 seconds.
Come on.
20 seconds of conversation and then I'll walk off.
OK? Ready, go.
How've you been? Fine.
Are you enjoying living up here? Yeah.
Are you still horse riding? No.
Although, Christine did buy me a Shetland - Time's up.
Thanks for not hitting me.
And can I just say, again, how truly sorry I am for being such an arsehole.
That's not all the money, but it's most of it.
Take a month or two to get the rest but you will have it, I promise.
It's not just about the money.
Well, what is it then? I didn't need to take this job.
I didn't need to come up to Leeds.
I stayed with you because .
.
it's the only thing I've ever had that's mine.
It's the only thing that's made me feel worthwhile.
I can recommend you for something else.
And what will you tell them? She's posh? She types a little and she bakes terrible cakes? You know I think more of you than that.
What? Have I got something on my face? No, no I've just never seen anybody eat as neatly as you do.
That's because I'm a lady.
Oh clearly.
Oh.
So, listen, um, I didn't get a chance to speak to Alyson today.
I tried, but umm well, it's tricky at the moment with her going for the CEO job and, you know, the management consultancy andI Well, the right moment didn't present itself.
Right.
OK.
But I will though soon, promise.
Mmmm.
Actually, there's something I should tell you about as well.
Um, you know that management consultant guy, Michael? Yeah.
Well, he's my Michael.
Well, not my Michael, my ex-fiance Michael.
Oh.
Why didn't you tell me? I'm telling you now.
No, I meant, earlier.
The right moment didn't present itself.
Hi.
Can we go and get a coffee? I think we need to talk.
But I thought we were fine.
I mean, why now? Why not last week, last month? Ah, it's hard to explain - Try.
Is there someone else? Oh my God.
It's Sally, isn't it? I can't believe you're doing this to me.
We've got to face facts, Alyson.
This isn't going anywhere.
And it's not just about Sally, you and I, we are completely different people.
There's no future in this, is there? Fine.
I'll see you at work.
So, um, how long have you worked with Michael? Just a couple of days.
I wasn't meant to be here actually.
A colleague got glandular fever and I was drafted in.
Isn't that why Michael's here? No.
He was the one that pitched for this contract.
Thanks again for the file.
I lied, but why do you think I did? I don't know.
Maybe my sister kicked you out, you've come up here for the consolation prize.
No, I ended it with Melissa.
I don't care.
Just listen, please.
I was desperate to see you.
You wouldn't return my calls.
I sent you flowers.
I didn't know what else to do.
I made a mistake, Sal, and I want to put things right.
I've met someone else.
I've moved on, stay out of my life.
See me? Did I forget my homework or something? Sit.
OK, just this once, I need you to do something for me.
It is a lot to ask, but - can you speak to Michael, find out what they're saying about me in that bloody report.
Christine.
OK, if you do, I will tell you the most amazing piece of gossip ever.
Actually, I'll just tell you anyway.
I think Alyson might be pregnant.
What? She was doing a test in the loo last night.
Do you think it might be thingy's - Stephen's? God, I wonder if it was planned.
Do you think they're gonna get married? Hey.
I've done it, I told her this morning, um, we should keep things low-key for a bit, because I don't want to rub her nose in it, but - Stephen, there's something you should know.
I believe in planning and one of the reasons why I think I'm the most suitable candidate for the CEO of Butterworths is that I already have a few - well, I mean a lot, um sorry, several long-term plans underway.
And what might those be? Well, there's, um - I did look into outsourcing some of our, um (Baby cries) Fuck! Right, OK, this can't be happening.
You sure? No, no.
It's going to be OK.
I mean, she would have told me, she can't be pregnant.
I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was asking what you most want from your career.
Right.
Well, thank you very much, Alyson.
Actually, you know, there is one more thing that I would like to say.
A few months ago when I sat in front of you and listened to all those promises about me replacing Rodger, I thought my life couldn't get much better, but now - I don't know, because when the day comes, and it will come, when I get slung out on my arse - what have I got to show for my time? A pension, a share portfolio.
I'm not sure that's enough anymore.
And I'd like to thank you for helping me see that.
Can you cancel everything for this afternoon? What? Are you pregnant? Why would you ask that? Are you? Whether I am or not is no concern of yours.
Alyson - If I am, then I will take care of things.
You're not on your own.
I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet.
Anyway, tests aren't always right.
Tests? How many have you done? Five.
Sorry doesn't even cover it, does it? What did you say to her? I told her that I would be there for her.
What else could I say? No, no.
You did the right thing.
Sal This doesn't mean that you and I - I think it's better if we stop things now rather than later.
(Laughing) Do you mind if I hide in here? I'm trying to avoid that Justin.
Oh, is he one of them? Yeah.
Be my guest.
Christine, there must be something we can do about this.
I feel like I'm back at school being bullied.
Not that I ever was bullied, of course.
Maybe there'll be some kind of management consultant emergency or something and then they'll all bugger off back to head office.
Christine, you've just stumbled onto a brilliant idea - Ah! No.
No kissing.
(Clears throat) A delicate situation.
I respect the guy.
I think he's doing good work, but he keep making unwanted advances towards me and the last thing I want to do is come across as a homophobe.
Would you like me to speak to Barry? Talk him through company policy on sexual harassment? I've got the file just here.
Thank you.
Thank you, Christine.
Er Mmm? You have resolved a potentially difficult situation in an effective and efficient manner.
Anyone seen Max? He's just doing some photocopying.
Can I help? Um, I've just had the management people on the phone - not sure why they came through to me, but they did.
Apparently there's some kind of issue with the USP for the FMCG.
They asked for Max in person.
Yeah.
Sounded very serious.
Perhaps we should wind up the role play.
Turn the department back the right way again.
Hey, guys.
Here are your photocopies.
Wow, what's happened? Vince, let's get on the phone to Brett Park and arrange that meeting for the end of next week.
Natasha, pull me all files on the recent launches in the five key territories and would someone please get me a latte? (Chuckles) Yeah.
If you want to tell me you can.
Until then I'll just sit here and provide you with napkins, maybe get rid of the snotty ones if you want.
I'm just having a bad day, that's all.
Professionally or personally? Well, whoever he is he's an idiot.
He's not.
It's complicated.
I don't want to talk about it.
Listen, I want to tell you something - Michael, I can't - It's about work, I want to give you a heads up.
We're going to recommend replacing Christine.
I thought you were trying to cheer me up.
Could be a good thing for you.
With Christine gone, you can concentrate on your own career more.
Go for a promotion.
In fact, I'm going to recommend just that.
And, no, it's not because I'm feeling guilty.
I think you're amazing, Sal, and if anyone deserves a break, it's you.
PHONE RECORDING: As you wont speak to me, I thought this would be the best way to get you to listen.
And please don't switch this off 'till I'm done.
There's something I want you to know, I need you to know.
Without you I'd be a middle ranking manager sitting in a small office in Hendon.
Without you I'd be constantly late, constantly out of my depth.
You're intelligent, hard-working and unfailingly loyal and, after my family, you're the most important person in my life.
And above all, and I say this from the bottom of my heart.
You are a wonderful cook.
Hey.
Look at this.
Surprise party for Roger, tonight.
Cor, could use a drink, to be honest.
Or a juice, obviously.
I just spoke to Michael.
Oh, you're an angel.
But you know what? It'll be fine now.
It's all sorted.
(He chuckles) I owe you an apology.
Just the one? Sometimes I might have been a bit harsh.
Apology accepted.
I wasn't always in the wrong, though.
(Quiet chuckle) Jenny was right about you.
'Alyson is a woman of integrity.
' She's always been a big fan of yours, has Jenny.
Wonderful PA.
Maybe Alyson, or whoever takes over, won't act on the report.
Yeah, well, maybe.
But we both know the real reason I've kept my job.
With you gone it's goodnight, Vienna.
Christine, the reason you kept your job has nothing to do with me.
You kept it because you never give up.
You'rerelentless.
Relentless - is that good? Absolutely.
Now, go on, there's a party downstairs, I've got to practice my surprised face.
I'll miss you.
Don't you start crying again.
Jenny, you shouldn't have.
A party? For me? Ow.
(Grunts) Oh, bugger.
We need to talk about what we're gonna do.
Do you mean about the baby or each other? Both.
You know, maybe there's a way we can work all this out.
Hey.
We're gonna head off to the bar round the corner.
If you fancy coming, we'll be there till 10:00.
No, I've got to keep an eye.
You always do the right thing, don't you? Shame you didn't.
Fair enough.
Forget about the drink, I'll see you tomorrow.
Bye, Sal.
Michael.
What is there to work out? What you said in the cafe, you were right, we are totally different people, there's no future for us.
That was before I knew about the baby.
I don't need you, Stephen.
In fact, I want to do this by myself.
Right, now you're lying.
Do you love me? (Sighs) Well, I can't honestly say that I love you, either.
Don't look so serious, it'll sort itself out.
And I'll keep you in the loop, I promise.
It's a baby, Alyson, not a business deal.
Come on, Roger, where are you? Chop chop, Roger! No time for snoozing.
The troops are waiting.
(Laughs) (Ragged breathing) (Quietly weeps) Tash.
Hi.
Ah, look, sorry to come so early, I need to see her.
Um, OK.
But the thing is, she didn't exactly come home last night.
Look, come in.
Yeah.
Thanks.
(Knock at door) A terrible business.
I didn't even know he was ill.
They're doing a post-mortem tomorrow.
The doctors think it was a massive heart attack.
I don't want to seem insensitive, but, um, I've spoken with the board, we're all in agreement.
We'd like you to take over.
After that interview?! It wasn't your finest hour.
Yet, when all was said and done, you were by far the best candidate.
Congratulations.
Actually, Gavin, I'd like to think on it.
Just for a couple of days.
If this is about the management consultants - No, it's nothing to do with that.
I just - I'd like a bit of time.
(Exhales) Morning.
How did I get here? Did you spike my drink? That's nice! Thanks very much.
You got hammered.
I couldn't just stick you in a cab.
Don't worry, nothing happened.
Can I take you out to dinner tonight? I don't think that's a good idea.
No, just as friends.
You could do with cheering up after what happened with Stephen.
When did we get onto the subject of my love life? Somewhere around the fifth vodka, I think.
For the record, I think you're doing the right thing - his girlfriend's pregnant, she works in your office, she's the boss, it'd be a car crash.
For your hangover.
Take two now and another two in four hours.
I'll get you some water.
I mean, I'm sure she'll be back soon.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just gonna - Good idea.
I mean, speak to her at work.
I'm not going in, Tash.
In fact, I'm going back to London.
What? I can't wait for Alyson anymore and I'm obviously buggering things up for Sal.
I don't blame her for getting back together with Michael.
She's not back together with Michael.
Tash.
Maybe she's been brutally murdered.
Fingers crossed, hey? Cheers, Tash.
You've been a mate.
What's the matter with you? Have you not listened to a word I've said? He's not with Alyson anymore.
It's too late, Tash.
Fine, just spend the rest of your life with a broken heart then.
It's not going to be the rest of my life, I'm 26 for God's sake.
Stephen and I would never have worked anyway.
Yeah, you're right.
You know, you'll probably find someone else.
Someone like Michael who's safe and dependable - as long as he doesn't go off with your sister again.
I can't talk to you when you're like this.
I'm your best friend, Sally.
I'm telling you to stop being so bloody sensible and just go after him.
Do something, I would.
Yeah, but I'm not you and I've made up my mind.
OK.
Enough.
Roger always treated people with respect and loyalty.
He wouldn't just ruin someone's career because of a couple of little setbacks.
I won't let you sack me, Alyson.
You won't let me? How does that work exactly? I wasn't on holiday.
I was in rehab.
I know.
I authorised the payments.
Fine, but did you know that section two, clause two of our employment guidelines maintains that a staff member cannot be made redundant or dismissed when undertaking any form of long-term medical treatment.
I fail to see how that applies to you.
You're not in the clinic anymore so? But I am still under their care.
I left early.
I should be there till the end of this month.
And, I signed on to their long-distance care scheme.
Christine, this is bullshit.
Alyson, this is employment law.
Do you know what? I don't have the energy for this.
But just so you know .
.
I'll be watching you.
SoI'm staying? I meanI am staying.
Right? Looks that way.
Yes! Rahhhh! Relentless! Yeah.
(Sighs) Thank you, Roger.
Your chariot awaits.
Apparently there's a nice little Indian on the way back to yours.
And it is Friday.
We always used to have curry on Friday, didn't we? Chicken dhansak and pilau rice.
Am I right? Michael.
Not that you're a creature of habit.
But I booked a table for 7:30.
Don't want to eat too late.
Not good for the digestion.
Michael.
What? He was 15 when he started.
Wanted to be an archaeologist.
His mother wouldn't let him.
Apparently she clipped him round the ear and told him he was going to get a proper job.
He worked as a cleaner for the store manager.
I managed to get him a job on the meat counter.
You're going to miss him, aren't you? They offered me the job.
I might not take it.
I'm pregnant, Jenny.
I don't know why I'm telling you.
I haven't told anyone.
Are you pleased? I don't know.
In my day, it was an issue.
Career or baby.
Today you just need a bit of support, a good nanny and a good cleaner.
And a good PA.
That too.
Well, if you do take the job, the answer is .
.
yes, I'd love to.
Thank you.
Stephen! Stephen.
STEPHEN! What the hell are you doing? I'mI'm being not sensible.
You're being bloody stupid.
I thought you were scared of heights.
I am.
It's a grand romantic gesture.
Sal, get down.
You're going to get yourself killed.
I can't move.
I'm terrified.
Oi! That's my ladder! Oh, shut up.
I'm trying to woo him.
Is it working? I'm about to have a baby with the boss of the company and you spent last night with your ex, so it's not the most promising of starts.
At least we're not boring.
OK.
Just don't (Squeals) .
.
look down.
Hi.
Hi.
Nothing happened with Michael.
And the rest of it, well We can work it out.
If you still want to.
Do you? Come here! (Shrieks) Don't pick me up! (Shrieks) Hey.
Hey.
You do realise that you are lying on top of me? In my bedroom.
On my bed.
Did you want me to get off? Um Nah.
No? Mmm.
Um Just forfor future reference, there's nothing romantic about climbing up a ladder.
Oh! Romeo and Juliet! Pretty Woman.
An Officer and a Gentlemen.
There aren't any ladders in an Officer and a Gentleman.
You get my point.
Yeah, Romeo didn't use a ladder.
No-one likes a smart-arse.
I'm pretty sure it was a fire escape in Pretty Woman.
Oh, shut up! Closed Captions by CSI
How did you find out anyway? Did you get your little boyfriend to bug my office? I've got to do something.
I've got to change.
You need to know that I am mad about you.
Now that is a kiss.
Sally, I have to say you are the best candidate we've seen all day.
I should offer you the job right now but I do need to check one thing first.
Is Stephen going to dump Alyson? Sorry, what? Well, you had that big snog, didn't you? So, is he going to or not? Well, he said he would.
Yeah, men say a lot of things, don't they? Do you think he might've changed his mind, then? I don't know.
Let's ask him.
You having second thoughts? Oh, not sure.
Maybe.
He is.
He definitely is.
He wouldn't be the first one.
Mum! She's never had much luck with men.
All: Oh.
Good morning.
Is it? What's up? OK, I'm just going to come out and say this.
If you have any regrets about what happened yesterday, then I just want to say that I understand and it's fine.
I won't, you know, do anything - Sorry, carry on.
£ Theme music You are so paranoid.
Why would I suddenly go off you? It's a complicated situation, that's all.
You might have had second thoughts.
I might've had second thoughts.
Sorry, how many texts you send me last night? You sent loads too.
Most of which were saying 'Stop texting me, I'm watching a film.
' So, you stayed in last night, you didn't go and see you know who.
Yeah, I will speak to her today.
Tell it's over, I promise.
And then? And then, I shall woo you.
Woo me? Yeah, you know, write you poetry, take you on long country walks, buy you expensive presents.
There you go.
Actually, I could just take you out for dinner.
I shall have to check my diary and make sure I'm not being wooed by anyone else.
Well, it is the 21st Century, so wooing goes both ways.
So, what, I have to make some grand romantic gesture? I can't believe you haven't already.
Tonight? Tonight.
That is rubbish.
I looked through the window this morning and I thought today is a lemon drizzle cake day.
You've been very good with your health drive.
A little slice won't do you any harm.
I need you to send an email to everyone.
Honestly, you must start using that dictaphone I gave you.
Before you read that, we should talk.
You're not going to like what's in it.
Why? I think you ought to sit down, love.
Kept that quiet.
Yeah, well, I would have told you last night if you'd come around.
You feeling better? Yeah, yeah, sorry.
It's a bit of a cold, that's all.
Well, I think whatever is you've given it to me, I feel absolutely dreadful.
Can you get me some water? Sure, yeah.
Was there something else? Yeah, yes, there was actually.
Um.
Alyson - Oh, listen, before I forget, what time is the chairman coming in? About 20 minutes.
OK, great.
Be finished by 1:00 and then I am all yours.
Book somewhere nice for lunch.
Why? Because Roger has just resigned and the chairman's asked to see me.
Right, great.
Yep.
So, unless I spill coffee over him or make some terrible joke about male pattern baldness, the job's mine.
What did you want to say anyway? I will tell you at lunch.
OK.
(Intercom buzzes) Jenny.
Look, I told you it's not something I wanted to do.
They made me.
Do you have any idea what I've done for you? Of course I do.
It's been 15 years, there's not been a day - That's not what I meant.
Margaret Fox didn't just go away.
I paid her off.
What? 150,000 pounds, just to get rid of her.
And save you and your stupid job.
I can't believe you did that.
That makes two of us.
Alyson, I'd like you to meet Michael Anderson.
Michael works for Davidson Merit.
Hi, good to meet you.
Davidson Merit? As in the management consultants? Yeah, that's us.
Sorry to just spring this on you but Michael and his team work best when they turn up unannounced.
His team? Michael, could you give us a moment, please? Of course.
Thanks.
I've been planning this for a while.
And after the business with Roger the board felt that now would be a good time to double check that everything's running as it should.
Well, if it wasn't, I'm sure I'd know.
In the meantime - with regard to the job, rest assured, you're still very much one of our options.
One of your - I mean, I didn't realise there were other candidates.
We need to be sure we're appointing the right person.
Is this about my relationship with Stephen? Because I can assure you my personal life has absolutely no bearing on my work.
We'd love to have a chat with you tomorrow.
That OK? Of course.
(Thinks) Dear Alyson, you're a really interesting - oh, no.
.
.
a special person I've got to nip out for about 20 minutes, set up a meeting with Roger for when I get back.
And tell him it's urgent.
What about lunch? Lunch is off because I didn't get the job.
Well, not yet anyway, they're making me sweat on it.
Right, I see.
Thank you for your wonderful words of comfort.
Sorry, it's just I've got some things I need to say.
Well, they're going to have to wait now, aren't they? Obviously.
OK.
What's the most terrible thing that could happen to you? Terrible as in tidal wave? Or terrible as in, like, dressed like ginger knickers? No, terrible as in your ex-fiance in reception right now.
Yeah, probably about three or four days on this one.
See, I told you.
I don't believe it.
Look, maybe he's just come in for a meeting.
Like, a one-off, never to be repeated meeting.
And then maybe he'll just go to the Falkland Islands and live there forever.
Oh bollocks, he's seen us.
Oh, don't come up.
don't come.
He's coming up.
OK.
Alright.
Just give me some space.
Hey, Sal.
What are you doing here? Well, we're just, ah, troubleshooting for a few days.
I would've phoned you but it was all very last-minute.
Colleague of mine got glandular fever so I had to cover for him.
Look, um, I know this is a bit weird but I just want to say I am really sorry.
Fine, you've said it, now can you please leave? Ah, well, not really, no.
I've got a job to do.
But you can work anywhere.
I have just sorted my life out, I don't need you here ruining everything.
I'm not trying to ruin anything.
I just wanted to apologise.
Fine.
I forgive you.
Really? Mm-hmm.
New Sally, new start.
I've moved on.
Um, hasn't the old Sally got anything to say to me? It's been hard for me too.
Hey.
Hello.
Buongiorno, ladies.
Buongiorno.
Ciao, Karens.
Hey.
Christine, what you doing here? Yeah, I'm back early from holiday.
Shall we? Yeah.
So, what's going on? I'm cured.
They said they'd done everything they could, the rest was up to me.
After two days? Well, there's no time limit in rehab.
You know, everyone goes at their own pace.
Well, you look good.
Great actually.
You've had - Yeah.
One of the methadone addicts used to be a beautician.
Anyway, I looked at my Blackberry thingy, saw that Roger was leaving, thought I'd better rush back.
I assume Alyson's next in line.
No announcement yet.
Oh! Oh my God! What is that two-timing bastard doing here? That two-timing bastard is a management consultant.
Be nice to him, for your sake, not mine.
Oh, Michael.
What a lovely surprise! Christine.
You look well.
This is Justin.
He'll be spending some time with you over the next couple of days reviewing the entire HR structure.
Well, I wholly support that idea.
So, how's your day going? Oh, great.
Yours? Yeah, good.
Great.
Looking forward to tonight.
Yeah.
Me too.
Yeah.
Cool.
OK, management consultants been parachuted in is not good.
If I'm wrong, and I very rarely am, I'd say the board have got cold feet about Alyson so firstly let's go out there and dazzle Ruth Badger.
Secondly let's hold off on Alyson's present.
We may need to buy something else if a bloke gets the job.
Like a power drill? Mm.
Exactly.
Right, team.
Let's go.
So the healthy life campaign was a huge success.
Sales went through the roof, brand established, mission accomplished.
Not saying it was all down to me.
Yeah, that's for other people to say.
It was all down to him.
Stop it, you.
You all seem to be working pretty well but I wonder if we should shake things up.
Probably not.
It's only a job swap.
So that means that the most senior person, in this case Max, will swap with the most junior person.
Who's Vince? What have you been saying to Gavin? Nothing.
You didn't put in a word about me and Steven about how inappropriate our relationship was? You're unbelievable.
I'm about to retire.
Which is apparently when you're meant to start looking forward to pottering for the rest of your life.
Except that I'm not.
This is the only thing I know and I'm bloody terrified.
So you really think at this moment in time I give a toss about you? Get over yourself! This job means everything to me! Well, then, let me give you a bit of advice.
In 20 years time, when some young hot-shot is trying to throw you out on your arse make sure there's more in your life than a pension and a share portfolio.
At least I've got my family.
More than you have.
Progress.
But why are we doing this again? I - Just say the first thing that comes into your head? Progress.
Japan.
Good.
Bad.
No, I mean good, as in well done.
Achievement.
Failure.
Success.
Failure.
Winning.
Failing.
Have you got a pen? Yeah.
Of course.
Who is it that said a tidy office means a tidy mind? Ghandi? There you go.
Ohyou're writing something bad, aren't you? Look, I'm sorry.
I'm a bittwitchy.
I've had enough of being analysed this week, to be honest.
Why? Where have you been? Italy.
Ah, probably best if you leave her to it.
It won't look good if you're seen to be helping her out.
It wouldn't look good.
So you are here to spy on us? We're not spying.
We're just seeing what works and what doesn't.
Ah-ha.
And reporting it back.
I didn't come here to fight, Sal.
I just wanted to talk to you.
Well, I'm I'm busy.
20 seconds.
Come on.
20 seconds of conversation and then I'll walk off.
OK? Ready, go.
How've you been? Fine.
Are you enjoying living up here? Yeah.
Are you still horse riding? No.
Although, Christine did buy me a Shetland - Time's up.
Thanks for not hitting me.
And can I just say, again, how truly sorry I am for being such an arsehole.
That's not all the money, but it's most of it.
Take a month or two to get the rest but you will have it, I promise.
It's not just about the money.
Well, what is it then? I didn't need to take this job.
I didn't need to come up to Leeds.
I stayed with you because .
.
it's the only thing I've ever had that's mine.
It's the only thing that's made me feel worthwhile.
I can recommend you for something else.
And what will you tell them? She's posh? She types a little and she bakes terrible cakes? You know I think more of you than that.
What? Have I got something on my face? No, no I've just never seen anybody eat as neatly as you do.
That's because I'm a lady.
Oh clearly.
Oh.
So, listen, um, I didn't get a chance to speak to Alyson today.
I tried, but umm well, it's tricky at the moment with her going for the CEO job and, you know, the management consultancy andI Well, the right moment didn't present itself.
Right.
OK.
But I will though soon, promise.
Mmmm.
Actually, there's something I should tell you about as well.
Um, you know that management consultant guy, Michael? Yeah.
Well, he's my Michael.
Well, not my Michael, my ex-fiance Michael.
Oh.
Why didn't you tell me? I'm telling you now.
No, I meant, earlier.
The right moment didn't present itself.
Hi.
Can we go and get a coffee? I think we need to talk.
But I thought we were fine.
I mean, why now? Why not last week, last month? Ah, it's hard to explain - Try.
Is there someone else? Oh my God.
It's Sally, isn't it? I can't believe you're doing this to me.
We've got to face facts, Alyson.
This isn't going anywhere.
And it's not just about Sally, you and I, we are completely different people.
There's no future in this, is there? Fine.
I'll see you at work.
So, um, how long have you worked with Michael? Just a couple of days.
I wasn't meant to be here actually.
A colleague got glandular fever and I was drafted in.
Isn't that why Michael's here? No.
He was the one that pitched for this contract.
Thanks again for the file.
I lied, but why do you think I did? I don't know.
Maybe my sister kicked you out, you've come up here for the consolation prize.
No, I ended it with Melissa.
I don't care.
Just listen, please.
I was desperate to see you.
You wouldn't return my calls.
I sent you flowers.
I didn't know what else to do.
I made a mistake, Sal, and I want to put things right.
I've met someone else.
I've moved on, stay out of my life.
See me? Did I forget my homework or something? Sit.
OK, just this once, I need you to do something for me.
It is a lot to ask, but - can you speak to Michael, find out what they're saying about me in that bloody report.
Christine.
OK, if you do, I will tell you the most amazing piece of gossip ever.
Actually, I'll just tell you anyway.
I think Alyson might be pregnant.
What? She was doing a test in the loo last night.
Do you think it might be thingy's - Stephen's? God, I wonder if it was planned.
Do you think they're gonna get married? Hey.
I've done it, I told her this morning, um, we should keep things low-key for a bit, because I don't want to rub her nose in it, but - Stephen, there's something you should know.
I believe in planning and one of the reasons why I think I'm the most suitable candidate for the CEO of Butterworths is that I already have a few - well, I mean a lot, um sorry, several long-term plans underway.
And what might those be? Well, there's, um - I did look into outsourcing some of our, um (Baby cries) Fuck! Right, OK, this can't be happening.
You sure? No, no.
It's going to be OK.
I mean, she would have told me, she can't be pregnant.
I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was asking what you most want from your career.
Right.
Well, thank you very much, Alyson.
Actually, you know, there is one more thing that I would like to say.
A few months ago when I sat in front of you and listened to all those promises about me replacing Rodger, I thought my life couldn't get much better, but now - I don't know, because when the day comes, and it will come, when I get slung out on my arse - what have I got to show for my time? A pension, a share portfolio.
I'm not sure that's enough anymore.
And I'd like to thank you for helping me see that.
Can you cancel everything for this afternoon? What? Are you pregnant? Why would you ask that? Are you? Whether I am or not is no concern of yours.
Alyson - If I am, then I will take care of things.
You're not on your own.
I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet.
Anyway, tests aren't always right.
Tests? How many have you done? Five.
Sorry doesn't even cover it, does it? What did you say to her? I told her that I would be there for her.
What else could I say? No, no.
You did the right thing.
Sal This doesn't mean that you and I - I think it's better if we stop things now rather than later.
(Laughing) Do you mind if I hide in here? I'm trying to avoid that Justin.
Oh, is he one of them? Yeah.
Be my guest.
Christine, there must be something we can do about this.
I feel like I'm back at school being bullied.
Not that I ever was bullied, of course.
Maybe there'll be some kind of management consultant emergency or something and then they'll all bugger off back to head office.
Christine, you've just stumbled onto a brilliant idea - Ah! No.
No kissing.
(Clears throat) A delicate situation.
I respect the guy.
I think he's doing good work, but he keep making unwanted advances towards me and the last thing I want to do is come across as a homophobe.
Would you like me to speak to Barry? Talk him through company policy on sexual harassment? I've got the file just here.
Thank you.
Thank you, Christine.
Er Mmm? You have resolved a potentially difficult situation in an effective and efficient manner.
Anyone seen Max? He's just doing some photocopying.
Can I help? Um, I've just had the management people on the phone - not sure why they came through to me, but they did.
Apparently there's some kind of issue with the USP for the FMCG.
They asked for Max in person.
Yeah.
Sounded very serious.
Perhaps we should wind up the role play.
Turn the department back the right way again.
Hey, guys.
Here are your photocopies.
Wow, what's happened? Vince, let's get on the phone to Brett Park and arrange that meeting for the end of next week.
Natasha, pull me all files on the recent launches in the five key territories and would someone please get me a latte? (Chuckles) Yeah.
If you want to tell me you can.
Until then I'll just sit here and provide you with napkins, maybe get rid of the snotty ones if you want.
I'm just having a bad day, that's all.
Professionally or personally? Well, whoever he is he's an idiot.
He's not.
It's complicated.
I don't want to talk about it.
Listen, I want to tell you something - Michael, I can't - It's about work, I want to give you a heads up.
We're going to recommend replacing Christine.
I thought you were trying to cheer me up.
Could be a good thing for you.
With Christine gone, you can concentrate on your own career more.
Go for a promotion.
In fact, I'm going to recommend just that.
And, no, it's not because I'm feeling guilty.
I think you're amazing, Sal, and if anyone deserves a break, it's you.
PHONE RECORDING: As you wont speak to me, I thought this would be the best way to get you to listen.
And please don't switch this off 'till I'm done.
There's something I want you to know, I need you to know.
Without you I'd be a middle ranking manager sitting in a small office in Hendon.
Without you I'd be constantly late, constantly out of my depth.
You're intelligent, hard-working and unfailingly loyal and, after my family, you're the most important person in my life.
And above all, and I say this from the bottom of my heart.
You are a wonderful cook.
Hey.
Look at this.
Surprise party for Roger, tonight.
Cor, could use a drink, to be honest.
Or a juice, obviously.
I just spoke to Michael.
Oh, you're an angel.
But you know what? It'll be fine now.
It's all sorted.
(He chuckles) I owe you an apology.
Just the one? Sometimes I might have been a bit harsh.
Apology accepted.
I wasn't always in the wrong, though.
(Quiet chuckle) Jenny was right about you.
'Alyson is a woman of integrity.
' She's always been a big fan of yours, has Jenny.
Wonderful PA.
Maybe Alyson, or whoever takes over, won't act on the report.
Yeah, well, maybe.
But we both know the real reason I've kept my job.
With you gone it's goodnight, Vienna.
Christine, the reason you kept your job has nothing to do with me.
You kept it because you never give up.
You'rerelentless.
Relentless - is that good? Absolutely.
Now, go on, there's a party downstairs, I've got to practice my surprised face.
I'll miss you.
Don't you start crying again.
Jenny, you shouldn't have.
A party? For me? Ow.
(Grunts) Oh, bugger.
We need to talk about what we're gonna do.
Do you mean about the baby or each other? Both.
You know, maybe there's a way we can work all this out.
Hey.
We're gonna head off to the bar round the corner.
If you fancy coming, we'll be there till 10:00.
No, I've got to keep an eye.
You always do the right thing, don't you? Shame you didn't.
Fair enough.
Forget about the drink, I'll see you tomorrow.
Bye, Sal.
Michael.
What is there to work out? What you said in the cafe, you were right, we are totally different people, there's no future for us.
That was before I knew about the baby.
I don't need you, Stephen.
In fact, I want to do this by myself.
Right, now you're lying.
Do you love me? (Sighs) Well, I can't honestly say that I love you, either.
Don't look so serious, it'll sort itself out.
And I'll keep you in the loop, I promise.
It's a baby, Alyson, not a business deal.
Come on, Roger, where are you? Chop chop, Roger! No time for snoozing.
The troops are waiting.
(Laughs) (Ragged breathing) (Quietly weeps) Tash.
Hi.
Ah, look, sorry to come so early, I need to see her.
Um, OK.
But the thing is, she didn't exactly come home last night.
Look, come in.
Yeah.
Thanks.
(Knock at door) A terrible business.
I didn't even know he was ill.
They're doing a post-mortem tomorrow.
The doctors think it was a massive heart attack.
I don't want to seem insensitive, but, um, I've spoken with the board, we're all in agreement.
We'd like you to take over.
After that interview?! It wasn't your finest hour.
Yet, when all was said and done, you were by far the best candidate.
Congratulations.
Actually, Gavin, I'd like to think on it.
Just for a couple of days.
If this is about the management consultants - No, it's nothing to do with that.
I just - I'd like a bit of time.
(Exhales) Morning.
How did I get here? Did you spike my drink? That's nice! Thanks very much.
You got hammered.
I couldn't just stick you in a cab.
Don't worry, nothing happened.
Can I take you out to dinner tonight? I don't think that's a good idea.
No, just as friends.
You could do with cheering up after what happened with Stephen.
When did we get onto the subject of my love life? Somewhere around the fifth vodka, I think.
For the record, I think you're doing the right thing - his girlfriend's pregnant, she works in your office, she's the boss, it'd be a car crash.
For your hangover.
Take two now and another two in four hours.
I'll get you some water.
I mean, I'm sure she'll be back soon.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just gonna - Good idea.
I mean, speak to her at work.
I'm not going in, Tash.
In fact, I'm going back to London.
What? I can't wait for Alyson anymore and I'm obviously buggering things up for Sal.
I don't blame her for getting back together with Michael.
She's not back together with Michael.
Tash.
Maybe she's been brutally murdered.
Fingers crossed, hey? Cheers, Tash.
You've been a mate.
What's the matter with you? Have you not listened to a word I've said? He's not with Alyson anymore.
It's too late, Tash.
Fine, just spend the rest of your life with a broken heart then.
It's not going to be the rest of my life, I'm 26 for God's sake.
Stephen and I would never have worked anyway.
Yeah, you're right.
You know, you'll probably find someone else.
Someone like Michael who's safe and dependable - as long as he doesn't go off with your sister again.
I can't talk to you when you're like this.
I'm your best friend, Sally.
I'm telling you to stop being so bloody sensible and just go after him.
Do something, I would.
Yeah, but I'm not you and I've made up my mind.
OK.
Enough.
Roger always treated people with respect and loyalty.
He wouldn't just ruin someone's career because of a couple of little setbacks.
I won't let you sack me, Alyson.
You won't let me? How does that work exactly? I wasn't on holiday.
I was in rehab.
I know.
I authorised the payments.
Fine, but did you know that section two, clause two of our employment guidelines maintains that a staff member cannot be made redundant or dismissed when undertaking any form of long-term medical treatment.
I fail to see how that applies to you.
You're not in the clinic anymore so? But I am still under their care.
I left early.
I should be there till the end of this month.
And, I signed on to their long-distance care scheme.
Christine, this is bullshit.
Alyson, this is employment law.
Do you know what? I don't have the energy for this.
But just so you know .
.
I'll be watching you.
SoI'm staying? I meanI am staying.
Right? Looks that way.
Yes! Rahhhh! Relentless! Yeah.
(Sighs) Thank you, Roger.
Your chariot awaits.
Apparently there's a nice little Indian on the way back to yours.
And it is Friday.
We always used to have curry on Friday, didn't we? Chicken dhansak and pilau rice.
Am I right? Michael.
Not that you're a creature of habit.
But I booked a table for 7:30.
Don't want to eat too late.
Not good for the digestion.
Michael.
What? He was 15 when he started.
Wanted to be an archaeologist.
His mother wouldn't let him.
Apparently she clipped him round the ear and told him he was going to get a proper job.
He worked as a cleaner for the store manager.
I managed to get him a job on the meat counter.
You're going to miss him, aren't you? They offered me the job.
I might not take it.
I'm pregnant, Jenny.
I don't know why I'm telling you.
I haven't told anyone.
Are you pleased? I don't know.
In my day, it was an issue.
Career or baby.
Today you just need a bit of support, a good nanny and a good cleaner.
And a good PA.
That too.
Well, if you do take the job, the answer is .
.
yes, I'd love to.
Thank you.
Stephen! Stephen.
STEPHEN! What the hell are you doing? I'mI'm being not sensible.
You're being bloody stupid.
I thought you were scared of heights.
I am.
It's a grand romantic gesture.
Sal, get down.
You're going to get yourself killed.
I can't move.
I'm terrified.
Oi! That's my ladder! Oh, shut up.
I'm trying to woo him.
Is it working? I'm about to have a baby with the boss of the company and you spent last night with your ex, so it's not the most promising of starts.
At least we're not boring.
OK.
Just don't (Squeals) .
.
look down.
Hi.
Hi.
Nothing happened with Michael.
And the rest of it, well We can work it out.
If you still want to.
Do you? Come here! (Shrieks) Don't pick me up! (Shrieks) Hey.
Hey.
You do realise that you are lying on top of me? In my bedroom.
On my bed.
Did you want me to get off? Um Nah.
No? Mmm.
Um Just forfor future reference, there's nothing romantic about climbing up a ladder.
Oh! Romeo and Juliet! Pretty Woman.
An Officer and a Gentlemen.
There aren't any ladders in an Officer and a Gentleman.
You get my point.
Yeah, Romeo didn't use a ladder.
No-one likes a smart-arse.
I'm pretty sure it was a fire escape in Pretty Woman.
Oh, shut up! Closed Captions by CSI