Monsters vs. Aliens (2013) s01e07 Episode Script
Maximum B.O.B.
1x13 - The Thing With One Brain [tense music.]
Somebody help! We've got runaway missiles! [laughs.]
Hugs, everybody! Whoo! Nailed it.
All you need to do is disable the triggering mechanism.
- Uh, yeah, triggering what now? - Never mind.
[both yelling.]
At least tell me it looked cool.
- It did.
- That's all I ask.
I think it's dandy that Team Monster stopped the runaway missiles.
If only Team Monster hadn't launched the runaway missiles! [electronic voice.]
Launch.
Launch.
Launch.
Launch.
Come on.
Where's my lunch? I'm hungry.
Is anybody else having issues with the lunch button? That is some classic B.
O.
B.
B.
O.
B.
? B.
O.
B.
! B.
O.
B.
, remember when we talked about the big difference between "launch" and "lunch"? Oh, yeah.
Now, that reminds me, has anyone seen my launch box? Son, if you had a brain, you'd be dangerous.
Oh, Dr.
Cockroach.
I was thinking which, since I've got no brain, isn't easy, believe you me - I believe you, B.
O.
B.
- Right.
Anyway, you've got so much brain.
Maybe I could have some of yours.
Ha.
My rather substantial cerebellum is safely housed within my cranium.
Though you have given me a rather intriguing idea.
[thunder crashing.]
Monsters, meet B.
O.
B.
's brain! [device whirring.]
[chuckles.]
Whoa.
Let me guess.
You pulled the parts from the vacuum cleaner.
[sighs.]
I didn't think anyone would notice.
Mistakes learned from.
Onto progress.
[device rapidly beeping.]
Doughnuts, doughnuts.
Sugary, sweet doughnuts.
Doughnuts.
Eat 'em with meat! So this time you used parts from the - Deep fryer.
- Because Someone was using the toaster oven.
Doughnuts, doughnuts, sugary and sweet! [echoing.]
Doughnuts! Doughnuts! Eat 'em with meat! So as you can see, my plan to increase earth's mugginess is Eat 'em with meat! I-is on track to - Sugary and sweet! - To, um [groans.]
Let me put you on hold.
Doughnuts, doughnuts! Sugary and sweet! How am I to plan planetary conquest with all this confounding noise? - What? - Doughnuts! Eat 'em with meat! I said Um nothing.
Nothing at all.
[chuckles.]
Just one of my quirks, saying nothing, you know What is that? An artificial brain? - Go away.
- Right.
Oh, look at the time.
Bye, now.
Okay.
Forget the mugginess thing.
New plan.
[humming.]
Oh, dear! Someone sure spilled a lot of malodorous garbage out here.
Dibs! My, Doctor, how busy you have been.
Allow me to add my own evil tweak.
[cackles.]
And now for real this time B.
O.
B.
's brain! [slot machine dinging.]
Oh, I was pressing the launch button for lunch.
Me, oh, my what a daft harlequin I am.
- Right.
- Tis I! Though I must admit I feel a rather strong paradigm shift in my state of being.
It worked! You have intelligence! Such an obvious observation, Doctor.
To be expected when one's PHD is in dance.
Perfect And so subtle.
Genius! [cackles.]
You feeling all right, B.
O.
B.
? B.
O.
B.
, B.
O.
B.
, B.
O.
B.
Ugh.
So common.
B.
O.
B.
no longer exists.
Call me Robert.
[cackles.]
Okay.
Okay, practice drill.
Unknown object entering our atmosphere.
Probably hostile.
What do we do? Get ready for a smack-down before it hits ground.
Use my repulser ray to keep it away.
Ask what qualifies you to be leading this ridiculous exercise.
- Excuse me? - I mean, I understand why you as opposed to fish-for-brains over there.
- Hey! - I vastly prefer you to the bug, who is clearly more "mad" than "scientist.
" Lol.
But as far as I can tell, Susan, you are an aggressively average woman.
I think my high school transcript says otherwise.
A.
P.
Trig.
In your face.
Mm.
Your leadership seems only to come from your ability to change size.
[air horn blowing.]
[both grunt.]
And even that you can't control very well.
[cackles.]
[fanciful harpsichord music.]
[record scratching.]
- Huh? - Listen, Robert, I don't know exactly how to say this gently, but Take the stupid brain out! It's turning you into a jerk! "Gently?" Anybody else hear me say that? Ah, you feel the new me has been unnecessarily brusque and perhaps even a touch impertinent with you.
Took the words out of my mouth.
Well, I couldn't agree more, which is why I've whipped up something special for you all.
Where did I Ah, here they are.
- Presents! - Oh, I-I like presents.
Come, Susan.
I promise, what's in this box is something you genuinely deserve.
Hmm, I-I'm afraid I don't quite [grunts.]
It was a trap! [grunts.]
This stuff I I can't break it.
You've reached into my head and drawn forth my greatest fear.
General Monger did say I'd be dangerous if I had a brain.
How correct he was.
[cackles.]
B.
O.
B.
Robert whatever If you think this can hold me Yeow! You're kind of onto something.
But why, B.
O.
B.
? We are your friends.
Please.
I'm too smart for friends! My new playground partner is "conquest of the world.
" I'm off to subjugate the world to my will.
Ta! You have done well, Robert.
Together, our combined intellect will bring this planet to its [gasps.]
For me?! [cackles.]
So you knew he trapped us - but you still opened your present.
- And then put it on.
I like hats.
How was I to know it was an anti-telekinesis hat? Pardon me, but can you confirm that this is indeed the location of the death ray? - It is.
- Duh I left my gum in there.
Can I go in for a sec? I won't break nothin'.
I'm too stupid.
Heh.
Sure thing, B.
O.
B.
You know, if he had a brain, he'd be dangerous.
Here's what I don't get: Why has B.
O.
B.
suddenly gone evil? Easy.
Smart equals evil.
Ahem.
Certainly not.
Someone must have tinkered with the artificial brain.
But who would have done such a thing? I suspect the night janitor.
Oh, what's his name? Doug? I suspect Doug.
Take a look at Doug.
Doug.
Now, just how will we escape these traps, hmm? - Any thoughts? - I'm going to try something.
It might hurt, but I'm trying it.
[yells.]
Ow! Was that necessary? Kind of, yeah.
Oh.
Oh, yes, I get it now.
[grunts.]
Hold up, guys.
We're dealing with the smartest being on the planet.
- [scoffs.]
Hardly.
- You put on the hat.
Let's just bring our A-plus game, okay? [cackles.]
Ooh! A gift! Maybe it's a hat! Both: No! My, isn't this a familiar tableau? [chuckles.]
Okay, you got us, Robert.
We were stupid.
Some of us more than others.
[groans.]
You're really, really smart.
You know everything.
Except you don't know that being smart doesn't make you special.
Being B.
O.
B.
is what made you special.
Being B.
O.
B.
was what mattered to us, to your friends.
So what do you say, B.
O.
B.
? Why not just turn off that old death ray and come home to the Monsters who love you.
Ah, Susan.
You think you can just slop on the sentimentality and I'll go all gooey.
Cockroach didn't make me a heart.
He made me a brain! Ha! [cackles.]
Ooh.
Whaaa? Hey, guys, remember that giant bubble machine I wished for? Here it is! - Well, I wasn't thinking that.
- It works.
Take it.
- Was that something special? - Nope.
But you are, B.
O.
B.
Aw, thanks, Susan.
Now, who's hungry? I could really go for some launch!
Somebody help! We've got runaway missiles! [laughs.]
Hugs, everybody! Whoo! Nailed it.
All you need to do is disable the triggering mechanism.
- Uh, yeah, triggering what now? - Never mind.
[both yelling.]
At least tell me it looked cool.
- It did.
- That's all I ask.
I think it's dandy that Team Monster stopped the runaway missiles.
If only Team Monster hadn't launched the runaway missiles! [electronic voice.]
Launch.
Launch.
Launch.
Launch.
Come on.
Where's my lunch? I'm hungry.
Is anybody else having issues with the lunch button? That is some classic B.
O.
B.
B.
O.
B.
? B.
O.
B.
! B.
O.
B.
, remember when we talked about the big difference between "launch" and "lunch"? Oh, yeah.
Now, that reminds me, has anyone seen my launch box? Son, if you had a brain, you'd be dangerous.
Oh, Dr.
Cockroach.
I was thinking which, since I've got no brain, isn't easy, believe you me - I believe you, B.
O.
B.
- Right.
Anyway, you've got so much brain.
Maybe I could have some of yours.
Ha.
My rather substantial cerebellum is safely housed within my cranium.
Though you have given me a rather intriguing idea.
[thunder crashing.]
Monsters, meet B.
O.
B.
's brain! [device whirring.]
[chuckles.]
Whoa.
Let me guess.
You pulled the parts from the vacuum cleaner.
[sighs.]
I didn't think anyone would notice.
Mistakes learned from.
Onto progress.
[device rapidly beeping.]
Doughnuts, doughnuts.
Sugary, sweet doughnuts.
Doughnuts.
Eat 'em with meat! So this time you used parts from the - Deep fryer.
- Because Someone was using the toaster oven.
Doughnuts, doughnuts, sugary and sweet! [echoing.]
Doughnuts! Doughnuts! Eat 'em with meat! So as you can see, my plan to increase earth's mugginess is Eat 'em with meat! I-is on track to - Sugary and sweet! - To, um [groans.]
Let me put you on hold.
Doughnuts, doughnuts! Sugary and sweet! How am I to plan planetary conquest with all this confounding noise? - What? - Doughnuts! Eat 'em with meat! I said Um nothing.
Nothing at all.
[chuckles.]
Just one of my quirks, saying nothing, you know What is that? An artificial brain? - Go away.
- Right.
Oh, look at the time.
Bye, now.
Okay.
Forget the mugginess thing.
New plan.
[humming.]
Oh, dear! Someone sure spilled a lot of malodorous garbage out here.
Dibs! My, Doctor, how busy you have been.
Allow me to add my own evil tweak.
[cackles.]
And now for real this time B.
O.
B.
's brain! [slot machine dinging.]
Oh, I was pressing the launch button for lunch.
Me, oh, my what a daft harlequin I am.
- Right.
- Tis I! Though I must admit I feel a rather strong paradigm shift in my state of being.
It worked! You have intelligence! Such an obvious observation, Doctor.
To be expected when one's PHD is in dance.
Perfect And so subtle.
Genius! [cackles.]
You feeling all right, B.
O.
B.
? B.
O.
B.
, B.
O.
B.
, B.
O.
B.
Ugh.
So common.
B.
O.
B.
no longer exists.
Call me Robert.
[cackles.]
Okay.
Okay, practice drill.
Unknown object entering our atmosphere.
Probably hostile.
What do we do? Get ready for a smack-down before it hits ground.
Use my repulser ray to keep it away.
Ask what qualifies you to be leading this ridiculous exercise.
- Excuse me? - I mean, I understand why you as opposed to fish-for-brains over there.
- Hey! - I vastly prefer you to the bug, who is clearly more "mad" than "scientist.
" Lol.
But as far as I can tell, Susan, you are an aggressively average woman.
I think my high school transcript says otherwise.
A.
P.
Trig.
In your face.
Mm.
Your leadership seems only to come from your ability to change size.
[air horn blowing.]
[both grunt.]
And even that you can't control very well.
[cackles.]
[fanciful harpsichord music.]
[record scratching.]
- Huh? - Listen, Robert, I don't know exactly how to say this gently, but Take the stupid brain out! It's turning you into a jerk! "Gently?" Anybody else hear me say that? Ah, you feel the new me has been unnecessarily brusque and perhaps even a touch impertinent with you.
Took the words out of my mouth.
Well, I couldn't agree more, which is why I've whipped up something special for you all.
Where did I Ah, here they are.
- Presents! - Oh, I-I like presents.
Come, Susan.
I promise, what's in this box is something you genuinely deserve.
Hmm, I-I'm afraid I don't quite [grunts.]
It was a trap! [grunts.]
This stuff I I can't break it.
You've reached into my head and drawn forth my greatest fear.
General Monger did say I'd be dangerous if I had a brain.
How correct he was.
[cackles.]
B.
O.
B.
Robert whatever If you think this can hold me Yeow! You're kind of onto something.
But why, B.
O.
B.
? We are your friends.
Please.
I'm too smart for friends! My new playground partner is "conquest of the world.
" I'm off to subjugate the world to my will.
Ta! You have done well, Robert.
Together, our combined intellect will bring this planet to its [gasps.]
For me?! [cackles.]
So you knew he trapped us - but you still opened your present.
- And then put it on.
I like hats.
How was I to know it was an anti-telekinesis hat? Pardon me, but can you confirm that this is indeed the location of the death ray? - It is.
- Duh I left my gum in there.
Can I go in for a sec? I won't break nothin'.
I'm too stupid.
Heh.
Sure thing, B.
O.
B.
You know, if he had a brain, he'd be dangerous.
Here's what I don't get: Why has B.
O.
B.
suddenly gone evil? Easy.
Smart equals evil.
Ahem.
Certainly not.
Someone must have tinkered with the artificial brain.
But who would have done such a thing? I suspect the night janitor.
Oh, what's his name? Doug? I suspect Doug.
Take a look at Doug.
Doug.
Now, just how will we escape these traps, hmm? - Any thoughts? - I'm going to try something.
It might hurt, but I'm trying it.
[yells.]
Ow! Was that necessary? Kind of, yeah.
Oh.
Oh, yes, I get it now.
[grunts.]
Hold up, guys.
We're dealing with the smartest being on the planet.
- [scoffs.]
Hardly.
- You put on the hat.
Let's just bring our A-plus game, okay? [cackles.]
Ooh! A gift! Maybe it's a hat! Both: No! My, isn't this a familiar tableau? [chuckles.]
Okay, you got us, Robert.
We were stupid.
Some of us more than others.
[groans.]
You're really, really smart.
You know everything.
Except you don't know that being smart doesn't make you special.
Being B.
O.
B.
is what made you special.
Being B.
O.
B.
was what mattered to us, to your friends.
So what do you say, B.
O.
B.
? Why not just turn off that old death ray and come home to the Monsters who love you.
Ah, Susan.
You think you can just slop on the sentimentality and I'll go all gooey.
Cockroach didn't make me a heart.
He made me a brain! Ha! [cackles.]
Ooh.
Whaaa? Hey, guys, remember that giant bubble machine I wished for? Here it is! - Well, I wasn't thinking that.
- It works.
Take it.
- Was that something special? - Nope.
But you are, B.
O.
B.
Aw, thanks, Susan.
Now, who's hungry? I could really go for some launch!