My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011) s01e07 Episode Script

[Ethan.]
: I'm not gonna do it, Benny.
- Come on! I'm trying to help.
- I don't need help.
Look, I have my lucky socks, a clean shirt, - and a fresh bottle of cologne.
- Dude, you have absolutely no game.
- And you do? - No But my dad is currently on the dating scene, which means that I have unrestricted access to this.
Be a Man magazine.
Fine.
Now, I'll pretend to be Sarah.
[Sighing.]
This is stupid.
Just do it.
Okay.
Hey, Sarah.
What's up? Oh, hey, Ethan.
I'm just hangin' out.
You know, shopping and stuff.
I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to go see the new Galactitac movie with me on Saturday? You and me? Like, on a date? No.
Hey! I thought you were supposed to be helping me.
I am.
What if she says no? What, are you gonna just give up? Mmm Yeah, probably.
Wrong answer.
Close the deal! Convince me! Make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world.
Be a man! Be my man.
Well, I'd really like to go on a date with you.
You and I have this connection that's really special.
I feel like there's some cosmic reason we were thrown together.
- That's beautiful, Ethan.
- Plus, you are, like, really pretty.
Oh Ha! Uh I have, uh, hockey tickets tonight.
I thought maybe you and Benny would want to come along, so, uh - I'll just leave them here.
- Uh, Dad.
Heh This is not what it looks like.
Yeah, I'm teaching him how to be a man.
Okay.
Uh Oh, your cage thing arrived from that warlock movie that you love.
It's in the back.
The Cage of Eternity? Sweet! That thing is a chick magnet! She's the girl next door.
Nice but not in a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
What you get is what you see.
No more "Maybe it's Maybelline" She can give you everything you need.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but not in a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
I can't believe they shipped your eternity cage without the key! Now how are we going to play Warlock's Phantasm? Benny, keep it down! I'm trying to attract a girl, not the whole chess club.
Okay [Coughing.]
- What is that? - This? "Hormonio.
" It's musk.
It's supposed to tap into a woman's primal nature.
It's definitely manly.
Like "wrestling team laundry bag" manly.
Okay, here goes.
I'm just worried she'll laugh in my face.
She probably will.
But that gives you one less thing to worry about, right? Joking? Hmm Taps into a girl's primal nature, huh? Love potion! Blam! I'm about to increase your odds by 5,000%.
And mine too! All right.
Tannis root, cumin Uh Excuse me? Ladies? Do you know if the biology lab has any sea slugs? Ew! Why don't you go ask one of your loser friends? Okay, I don't need the slugs, just their urine.
Hard to believe this is all you get from just ten slugs.
Medicadus armanak, slagor slagan! [Magical shimmering.]
Booyah! Entire team of chemists can't do the job of me.
- Strike out? - Chickened out.
That was my second guess.
Don't worry.
DJ Benny B's spinnin' mad spells all night long.
- What are you talking about? - A simple concoction of your dad's cologne, some of our pheromones, and the pee of a couple of ticked-off slugs.
Voila! Love potion number Ben.
You can't always resort to— wait, how did you get my pheromones? I hope she's not mad.
Shh.
Targets acquired.
Babes are in range.
- Hey, ladies.
What do you say? - Drop dead, geek? - Easy, babe, easy.
- Hey, nothing personal.
I just don't hang out with dorks.
Just wanted to see if you want a sample of this new Dusk perfume.
Yeah, it's supposed to make even undead people smell like flowers and other girly stuff.
You wanna try it? [Sarah.]
: No, thanks.
- Yes! Oh, please! Just one little spritz? [Sighing.]
: Okay.
[Magical shimmering.]
[Inhaling deeply.]
[Sarah giggling.]
Hey there, handsome.
You're talking to me.
In school.
- There's other things I'd like to do in school.
- Huh? Ethan! Stop paying attention to Erica! You're going to make your girlfriend jealous.
Girlfriend? You know what I love? All your striped shirts.
They just scream, "I'm good at calculus!" He actually is really good at calculus.
That is so hot.
And your hair is like the cutest hair I've ever seen on any boy ever! Does your mom cut it? I love your skinny little arms! [School bell ringing.]
Aww! Pooh! We have to get to class.
Will you miss me? And I'm gonna miss you, cuddle bear! Bye.
Bye.
[Erica gasping.]
Oh, oops.
Almost forgot.
Here you go.
What just happened? I.
Kissed.
Erica! [Ethan.]
: Sarah called me "cuddle bear".
[Magical shimmering.]
[Sniffing.]
[Magical shimmering.]
[Sniffing.]
[Sighing.]
[Sniffing.]
[Sighing.]
- I just have one thing to say.
- What's that? I am a mega genius! I did it! I tapped into the love center of their brains, - and now they love us! - Dude! Erica kissed you! - Of her own free will! - I know! But don't worry.
It'll happen to you too soon.
I've kissed a girl before.
- Cousins don't count.
- Dude, I told you I didn't know, okay? Hi, Benny.
Hi, Ethan.
Your shirt looks sooo great.
[Girls sniffing.]
It even smells great, doesn't it, girls? I get that a lot.
Text me later.
[Gasping.]
Bunny poopookins! So happy I found you.
I need to ask you something.
- Is it about that potion? - What potion? - Nothing.
- I need to know what your favourite colour is.
Umm Green Lantern green? [Gasping.]
Mine too! Do you want me to dress up as your favourite superhero? No, no.
- Your normal clothes are fine.
- Okay.
Do you know what.
Benny's favourite food is? Because some girls in my gym class have a huge crush on him and they want to surprise him.
Uh, I don't know.
Um, peanut butter cup pizza? Weird.
Do you maybe want to go out on Saturday night? Of course! Ethan, I love you, and I finally realize I always have.
See? - Wow.
- Okay.
Well, I'm off to get us some matching cardigans.
[Writing on chalkboard.]
Shh.
[Knocking.]
Ahhh Excuse me? Miss Fine? Could I go to the bathroom? No.
Okay.
Some of you have very eloquent, well thought-out papers.
However, there are exceptions to the rule, and I would like to talk about this paper in particular.
[Knocking.]
[Door opening.]
[Man.]
: Here you go.
Oh.
"Hugs and kisses from the cheerleading squad"? Nice! Well, here's my gift to you.
Next time try reading Pride and Prejudice.
You'd be amazed how much you don't have to make up.
Like the part about aliens.
I may have to assign you a study partner.
[Girls gasping.]
[Girls.]
: Ooh! Ooh! [School bell ringing.]
[Sighing.]
: Class dismissed.
[Magical shimmering.]
Ethan! Hey, uh, since when are Benny and Erica—.
Oooh, McCuty alert! Not you.
Hi, Ethan! We made these ourselves.
Thanks.
Wow, heh Isn't Valentine's Day still a few months away? Oh, yeah, well, we didn't want to be late, you know? Okay, bye, Ethan! Oh, so cute! You guys are on fire today.
So hot hot.
We're too hot to hold.
Too hot hot hot.
We're so hot when we step on the set.
We gotta tell every woman Baby, cool your jets! We're so hot too hot to hold.
And when we keep 'em linin' up from young to old.
We gotta watch our backs from the ladies' attack.
'Cause we never had the strength of will to fight back.
Well will it stop, man? I hope it don't.
Keepin' every jaw droppin' like whoa.
Awesome Too hot hot hot [Phone ringing.]
[Phone ringing.]
So hot hot - Hello? - Hey, Benny's grandma? This is Benny's friend, Rory.
Hi, Rory! How's it hangin', bro? Good It's hanging good.
I was wondering, do you have any more of that magic potion left? Magic? What magic potion, dear? You know, the one you gave the guys to make all the girls at school fall in love with them? That was the best day ever.
We're like movie stars! No, more like rock stars! [Benny's grandma.]
: Hello, boys.
Grandma.
Sweets for the sweetest grandma ever? - Take two! - Huh! Drop it, Drake.
Tweedledum has told me what you did.
I made a love potion and accidentally dropped it and now all the girls in school love us.
Love potion? The one on page 72? You know it? Grandma rocked the potion too! Is that how you bagged Grandpa? Here's the thing, boys.
Nature is all about balance.
Brainiac here upset the balance.
You swung the pendulum all the way to goo-goo eyes and giggles.
So far, so sweet.
But when the pendulum swings back - Ooh! Ow! - That's what I'm talking about.
The more those girls loved you, the more they're gonna hate you.
Now, how strong was the potion? Well Sarah bought us matching cardigans.
Yep, you're toast.
Please don't punish us again, Grandma.
Oh, you'll get yours.
But, come on! We're used to girls not liking us.
What's the worst that could happen? I hate you, Benny!! Anyone know where Ethan lives? Stop.
You're gonna need these.
- Let's do this.
- Good luck.
[Doorbell.]
Hello— You Ethan and Benny? Ah yeah.
You dweebs stole our girlfriends.
Wait your girlfriends dumped you for us? The potion really is strong! We're gonna break every bone in your body! - Grandma, call the police! - Oops, I can't find the phone.
I'm gonna snap you in half like a popsicle stick! Wait, I have a proposition.
- Make it fast.
- Okay.
You're really You're really strong.
Here.
These are tickets to tonight's game.
If you leave us alone, they are yours.
Sweet.
Hey, thanks, guys.
Wait What about your girlfriends? We can get new girlfriends.
These are platinum seats.
Hasta la vista, dorks.
[Sighing with relief.]
That wasn't so bad.
They're not the ones you need to worry about.
Have a nice evening.
[Glass shattering.]
Hey, I was in the neighbourhood.
Thought I might swing by! [Whimpering in fear.]
[Ethan.]
: Go, go, go, go, go! Who are these girls, like, ninjas or something? Oh, you don't recognize us from the yearbook? The martial arts club? Benny! You potioned martial arts experts! [Door opening and closing.]
[Benny.]
: Oh, come on! You liked my shirt! That was before.
Now I just want to smash your face in! Is this one of those teach us a lesson things? I mean, we get it! Just, Ethan, come on, run for it! Don't let that big goof get away! - Listen, can we just maybe— - Shut your infuriating little face! [Grunting.]
Come on.
If you don't struggle, I promise I'll make it quick! You know what would be really quick? If you'd stop trying to kill me! [Grunting with effort.]
Whoa! Ow! Get you here so I can filet you! You mean so I can strangle him.
- Hey, I hated him first.
- Yeah? Well, I hate him more! Oh, no she di'int! You gonna take that? [Breathing heavily.]
You know, you'd be really good on the softball team if you worked out your anger issues.
I'll get over them once you die! [Grunting with effort.]
Ugh! Strike three.
You're out! [Grunting with effort.]
Oh, she's got you beat.
You'll never get to kill me now.
Benny, we have to get out of here, okay? Relax.
I'm safe.
Two girls, one guy? Instant catfight.
Yeah, but now there's two girls, two guys! Perfect.
One moron for each of us.
Let's get 'em.
That's my man you've got there.
- And the cuter one is mine.
- [Benny.]
: Thank goodness you girls are here! - No one is gonna kill him but me.
- And me.
- [Benny.]
: What?! - [Girl.]
: Over our dead bodies! Fine.
We should take this as our opportunity.
- To do what? - To run! Go! Quick, to the Cage of Eternity! What are you doing? How do you expect us to get all of those killer girls in here? - Who said anything about them? - Wait a minute, you told me you didn't have the key.
I don't.
Once I'm in, I don't plan on coming out any time soon.
Come on.
Hurry up.
There are four girls out there fighting over us.
Yeah, over who gets to murder us! It's still pretty cool.
Benny! Benny, hurry up.
Get in! A rock's not gonna help us right now! Not just any rock; Emergency holy water.
I stashed these in both of our backyards.
You never know.
Yeah.
That's kinda crazy.
And smart.
We really—.
Wait.
You hear that? I don't hear anything.
Exactly.
Fight's over and I have a pretty good idea who won.
Come on, get in.
We are so dead, we are so dead, we are so dead.
Think this cage'll keep 'em out? Well, we're gonna find out in any—whoa! Come on out, sweetie.
I want to go inside and make popcorn with you! I don't think he can fit in the microwave.
Oh, I'll make him fit.
[Snarling.]
The Eternity Cage is impregnable! Yeah! And so is the prop— I hope.
Stop! Don't make us use these.
[Snarling.]
[Squirting.]
[Grunting in pain.]
Sorry, sorry, sorry! It's just like being in a shark tank.
THIS is like being in a shark tank! [Panting.]
How long did shark week last? Well, they loved us for about six hours.
If your grandma's right, they're gonna hate us for about five more.
[Benny shrieking.]
- What do you think we should do? - Kill them.
I thought you said the spell would have worn off by now! It did! Now we're just mad at you! Guys, look, we are really, really sorry.
Well, you should be.
Because look what SpedEx just dropped off.
[Ethan trembling.]
I get it.
You guys want to punish us.
Totally.
Not them, lover boys; Me.
[Sarah.]
: Oh, Ethan? You missed a spot.
This is not how I envisioned spending my Saturday with Sarah.
Oh, boys, I need someone to come over here and massage my bunions.
Don't look at me! I have to get more lemonade for Erica.
Oh, and this time, don't skimp on the plasma.
Why is she always so "Nya, nya, nya, nya—" [Snarling.]
I heard that.
Stupid vampire super-hearing - [Grandma.]
: I'm waiting.
- Coming, Grandma.
Left or right foot? Left.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but not in a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.