Northern Exposure s01e07 Episode Script

(radio) This is "Chris In The Morning".
The temperature today is a cool 47 degrees, with a high in the low 60s.
Enjoy.
It won't be long till Cicely breaks out her snow suit and mukluks.
Now for the traffic report.
Maggie O'Connell just drove down Main Street too fast.
Meanwhile, a request from Dr Fleischman, who said it would go with his breakfast.
- (slow jazz) - We're wearin' this one out, Doc.
Hi, Marilyn.
She's here.
All right! Finally, O'Connell.
It's about time.
I'm sorry.
I got here as fast as I could.
(Joel sniffs) - Bagels? - No, not just bagels.
New York bagels.
- Onion, cinnamon raisin, pumpernickel.
- They say it's the water.
You had me do a two-hour turnaround to Anchorage to pick up bagels? They're supposed to be medical supplies! Who said that? I never said that.
- What was I supposed to think? - Hey, relax.
You've been well paid.
It's much appreciated.
Go ahead, live a little.
Your problem is you don't take time to smell the bread.
I smell the bread plenty when I bake it.
I don't call out 5,000 miles for takeout.
(phone rings) Dr Fleischman's office.
Pete Gilliam, line one.
Marilyn, we only have one.
Pete.
How's life in the big city, you lying, miserable, deceitful son of a No.
No, forget it.
Absolutely not.
I don't care if it's in my contract.
I don't know where Bosburg is.
Boswell.
Excuse me.
I'm sure it's lovely, with lovely people.
I have patients lined up here.
My lawyer says you've gone too far.
The spirit of our contract has been violated and Gilliam.
Gilliam! Where's Boswell? Take Highway 90, go past the sawmill.
- Go past the suntan parlour - How long? - Six hours, give or take.
- Right.
You and me tonight, my truck, Boswell.
What do you say? No.
I'm going to a powwow.
I have to teach a hygiene class.
I need an assistant.
The powwow's an important part of our tribal life.
All right, fine.
OK.
Thank you.
What exactly do you do at a powwow? Talk, eat, hang out.
We're talking to Janet Lockerbee down in Los Angeles.
Y'all remember Janet.
She grew up here.
She's building bombers now at McDonnell Douglas.
'Nuff said.
How's it going, Janet? - (woman on phone) Chris, hi.
- Hi.
Where in LA are you callin' from? I'm on my car phone, caught in one bear of a traffic jam on the San Diego Freeway.
- No kiddin'.
Sounds pleasant.
- I sure do miss Cicely, Chris.
Oh, really? What do you miss most? I don't know.
Clean air, I guess, and my dad.
Caribou steak.
"Chris In The Morning", that dimple on your Hey, hey, Janet, uh We miss you too.
What can I do for you on this fine Alaskan morning? - Well, it's my dad's birthday today.
- Happy birthday, Ray.
If you could play some Glen Campbell it would really make his day.
You got it, Janet.
Happy birthday, Daddy.
("Rhinestone Cowboy" by Glen Campbell) I've been walkin' these streets so long Singin' the same old song I know every crack in these dirty sidewalks of Broadway Maurice? Maurice, you all right? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Who were those guys? What's goin' on? Malcolm, um bought it.
Sorry to hear that.
Um who is Malcolm? - My brother.
- Oh, wow.
Maurice, I'm I'm really sorry.
I didn't even know you had one.
I had a brother.
Malcolm P damn Minnifield.
Last of the footloose flyboys.
Mornin', Maggie.
We got bagels on the menu today.
Onion, pumpernickel, plain and uh, what? - Bialy.
- Right.
Bialy.
No, thanks.
Is there an airstrip in Boswell, O'Connell? Why? Do they have a supply of cream cheese and lox? No, I have to go up there and teach a hygiene class.
- Good.
Hygiene's essential.
- Thank you for that insight.
You're here to help the residents of Alaska whose hard work put you through medical school, so help.
- How about flying me up there? - I thought you hated small planes.
Not as much as I hate being in a truck for 12 hours.
- You can help me with the class.
- Me, help you? Well, you have to hang out until I finish the class anyways.
I don't know the first thing about hygiene.
I'm not gonna touch that one.
- Holling.
- What is it, Ed? Well Well, what, Ed? - What, Ed? What? - Jesse's back.
Are you sure? - Damn.
- Jesse who? Couldn't you just leave it alone, Holling? I mean, just let him pass through? I couldn't do that, Ed.
He and I had an understanding.
I guess he wants to settle things once and for all.
(Shelly) Jesse who? You get the truck, Ed.
We leave at dawn.
- Yes, sir.
- (Joel and Shelly) Jesse who? - Jesse the bear.
- Jesse's a bear? Oh, not just any bear.
The bear.
(Joel) Boswell, huh? Boswell International Airport.
Looks like there won't be much of a luggage wait.
- Hi, folks.
- Welcome to Boswell, Dr Fleischman.
- Thank you.
- We really appreciate having an expert.
Sure.
Let me begin by commending all of you on your choice to come here today.
Good health equals good hygiene.
I'd like to begin today with teaching you all the rudimentary aspects of personal hygiene.
- Hygiene? - Yeah, hygiene.
(murmuring) - What? - This is Prepared Childbirth.
- Uh, no, it's not.
- Hey, look, mister.
- Doctor.
- Whatever.
I didn't wanna be here in the first place, but she said I had to.
- So I'm here.
- Well, that's very good.
If you're not teachin' the stuff I've seen on thirtysomething I want my money back.
Obviously, Dr Fleischman made a mistake, but he's here, we're here, and if it's Prepared Childbirth you want, it's Prepared Childbirth you'll get.
So, um, without further ado, Dr Fleischman Uh, OK.
Um Let's see.
OK.
There are four words you need to know to adequately prepare yourself for childbirth.
Take notes here, ladies.
I want my epidural.
- Holling, this is your gun.
- Yes, it is, Ed.
I thought when we were goin' after Jesse this time it was gonna be with a camera.
Ed, I've been on the wagon since '88.
Since then I haven't killed anything bigger than a water bug.
But this time - this one time - it's different.
This time it's Jesse.
Holling, I know what you're gonna say: It's dangerous, no place for a woman.
But I'm coming with you.
- You can't.
- I lay up all night thinking.
The way I see it is there's a chance you might not come back.
- I'll be back.
- Maybe.
But Jesse's almost killed you before.
I can't let you just drive off into the sunset.
- I'm going with you.
- It's goin' to be rough.
I know that.
But this may be one of the last moments of your life, Holling.
When you shoot Jesse, or he mauls you I'm gonna be there, by your side.
It means that much to you? You mean that much to me.
I go where my squeeze goes.
(exhales) - You sound fine.
- Good.
But given your family history you should consider a stress test.
You know, Joel, over the years I've managed to accumulate quite a bit of wealth.
Now with Malcolm gone I hate to think the federal government's gonna be the beneficiary of my good fortune.
You know, your people have always been good with money, Joel.
What do you think I ought to do with my assets? If my people were good with money, I would be on Park Avenue shooting oestrogen into rich widows, not here.
I always thought Malcolm would inherit everything, being the only kin I had.
You ever think of turnin' the house into a museum? No, no.
No, a museum's a place for relics and bones and dusty paintings.
No, I want my legacy to live.
To grow.
My people have always been big on planting trees.
No, I've got enough trees.
No, what I need is an heir.
Somebody who'll carry the Minnifield name.
I'd offer but there's this elderly couple in Queens who have dibs on me.
That's too bad.
Well, thanks, Joel.
Why Jesse, Holling? Why this bear? Holling would rather not talk about it, Shelly.
OK.
But would it be OK if you did? It was the summer of '84 when Jesse first came into Holling's life.
He roared down out of the mountains, ate half the livestock in town, and killed the other half just for fun.
Holling woke me up at 2am from a fitful sleep.
Me and him and the dogs, we tracked Jesse in the moonlight, up into Lost Canyon.
We couldn't see each other, us and Jesse, but we could smell each other.
Suddenly, Jesse sprung up behind us and, while I ran, took both the dogs' throats out with one swipe.
Then he turned on Holling, but his gun jammed.
He took a big swipe out of him too.
down the back.
Hah.
So that's what that thing down your back is.
Tom, thanks for the fruit basket.
It's always good to have some apples when you're in mourning.
No, I don't know yet.
Yeah, I'll find that as soon as I can.
Yeah, right.
Listen, Tom, I've gotta run now.
Love to the little woman.
Yeah.
Yeah.
OK.
I'll call you soon.
Lawyers.
They smell carrion.
Guess what happened last night? A lightning bolt knocked a tree though the side of my trailer, so I wonder if you'd advance me a few bucks to get it fixed so the mosquitoes don't - What? - Where did you say you were from, son? - Wheeling, West Virginia.
- Yeah, the almost-heaven state.
Yeah.
You got any family there? Um no.
No.
My mother and father, they're they're gone.
- For good? - Yeah.
They they died.
Good.
Do you have any problem with insanity in your family? Not that I know of.
Uh everybody was pretty normal.
Failures, but normal.
What's this about? You finally gettin' me health insurance? This is all mine, son.
As far as the eye can see.
Planned communities, resorts, roads.
- Mini-malls.
- Vineyards.
You know, grapes, vino.
You got boozers hangin' in your family tree? A couple.
What's the deal, Maurice? You didn't bring me up here to show me the sights.
(sighs) - I got a problem, Chris.
- What kind of problem? - I need a son, son.
- What? I need somebody to carry on the Minnifield family name.
Somebody who will seize the keys to the kingdom and use 'em to unlock the future.
And after careful consideration I've decided that person is you.
- Yeah.
You're kiddin' me, right? - I never kid about my assets, son.
All right, why me, Maurice? Because you don't have anybody and I don't have anybody.
We could both use a family.
I'm offering you a home, Chris.
Roots.
Fortune.
What do you say? I don't know.
I don't know.
Maurice Look at all this.
The Minnifield empire could be yours.
- What do you say? - Maurice, come on.
I mean, the whole notion of you and me, father and son - Doesn't that strike you as a little off? - Hell, no.
You work for me, I've known you for a while.
What do you say, Chris? - What the hell.
I'll give it a try.
- That's my boy.
Welcome to the family.
- (Shelly) Wow, it's big.
- (Ed) Is it him? - It's him.
- Jesse? How do you know? The missing toes.
Missing toes? Holling shot off two of Jesse's toes.
- (Shelly) Is this it? - This is it.
- How do you know? - This feels right.
We'll, uh we'll pitch our tents here.
- Holling? - Yes, Shelly? You are the greatest grizzly hunter of them all.
But why'd you put down your gun? The night I shot off Jesse's toes, I fell asleep with my boots on.
I had this dream.
I was back deep in the forest, when all of a sudden I heard them.
I opened one eye and there they were, coming towards me.
Jesse was out front leading the pack.
Every animal I'd ever killed - moose, elk, rabbits, deer and hundreds of bears.
All of 'em packing heat, aiming at me.
Really? No, it was a dream.
But it had made the point.
Until a wolverine could blow out my brains as easily as I could his, my gun would forever remain silent.
Except for Jesse.
We'll get to bed early, get a good night's sleep, and at the crack of light, commence trackin' Jesse.
(Holling laughs) (Shelly squeals) - (Chris) Pass the biscuits? - Sure, son.
Eat up, son.
More where that came from.
- Thanks, Maurice.
- Uh, Chris? Do you mind if I close the gap a little bit? Oh, sure.
No, come down.
You make a mean biscuit, Maurice.
I was gettin' kinda lonely down here by myself, anyway.
Uh, Chris? - Yes, sir? - Don't call me that.
- What? - Sir.
Don't call me sir.
- OK, Maurice.
- That too.
- What too? - Maurice.
- That's your name.
- I know.
Look, Chris do you think that you could call me, uh Dad? Um I know it sounds strange, and it'd probably seem unnatural at first.
But would you just give it a try? See how it sounds comin' outta your mouth before you say no.
(sighs) OK Dad.
Yeah! That wasn't so hard, was it? No, I guess not.
So how was, um - How was school today, son? - Maurice, I'm not in school.
I know.
I just wanted to see how it felt to say that.
My dad used to say that at the dinner table.
"How was school?" He'd talk about his work and then Malcolm and I'd tell him about school.
- Course, Malcolm did most of the talking.
- What did he do, your old man? He made airplane parts and he made money.
The Spirit of St Louis had parts designed by my dad in it.
- Really? - Yeah, yeah.
He used to invite Don Douglas over for dinner on Sunday nights.
The only thing we talked about around our house was airplanes and flying.
Mm.
He must have been pretty proud of you when you became an astronaut.
No, not really.
Malcolm and my dad had the right stuff.
As far as they were concerned, I was Spam in the can.
Huh.
I know what you mean, sort of.
I never really, you know, lived up to any expectations either.
Oh, you will, son.
You will.
Mark my words.
Well, time for a toast.
To fathers and sons.
To ties that bind, and to bonds that cannot be broken.
(Chris) It's 6.
15, chinooks.
Rise and shine.
I can smell those griddlecakes.
Mom's squeezing Valencias.
Dad's getting ready for work.
Today is Family Day on "Chris In The Morning".
Let's do something nice for our parents.
Clean up your rooms.
Bring Dad the paper.
Send the grandfolks the video of the kids you've been promising.
Mm.
Kept it warm for ya.
Might be a little muddy.
About now, Jesse'll be thinkin' about takin' a breather, sittin' his big fat rump down on some smooth stones in a cold stream.
- Jesse likes salmon for breakfast.
- We'll go to the river flat, by the salt lick.
If we come from upstream, the way you say, the long way, it'll be a two-hour hike.
That's the way I want it.
When I draw a bead on that bear, I want the sun behind me.
(Shelly) Holling, honey? Right there.
Douse the fire, Ed.
We're outta here.
OK.
(Shelly) Holling? - (Holling) Hey, there.
- (both laugh) Hey! I caught the show.
You actually got me to call my parents.
- All right.
I hope that made them happy.
- Oh, yeah.
- D'you hear about me and Maurice? - Yeah, I heard somethin' in passing.
Well, come on.
What do you think? What do I think? Uh Gee, I don't know, you know.
It sounds Look, I really I don't like to involve myself in other people's family matters.
But how's it goin', anyway? Well, I'll tell you, Joel, we got off to a solid start.
Good.
I mean, there were some awkward moments here and there but that's normal in any adoption process.
You're not movin' in with him, are you? No, I don't think so.
It's just Maurice seemed a little lonely up there last night, now that he's all alone.
Hey, he's been up there all alone all along.
I know.
He just seemed a little more lonely last night.
(horn) Chris! Glad I found you.
Got somethin' I wanna give you.
What's that, Maurice? It's all yours, son.
(both) What? Well, don't get all weepy on me.
I was up half the night thinkin' about it.
- This is your Cadillac.
- Yeah, that's right.
You don't even let anybody drive it.
I know, I know.
Roy Rogers had Trigger, the Lone Ranger had Silver, I've got my Caddy.
But I've got somethin' those guys didn't have.
I've got a son.
- You sure about this, Maurice? - I got this car as a present from a big dealership in Houston.
Kind of a gesture of appreciation for ridin' the top of a rocket.
And now I'm givin' it to you as a token of my appreciation.
A gift from father to son.
Go on, son.
Take it for a spin.
Hop in.
And start her up - see what she'll do.
Boy, this is strange.
Seein' another being in the catbird seat after all these years.
Even if he is kin.
(tyres screech) - Hey, wait a minute! I'm goin' with you.
- Come on, Joel.
Take a ride.
(Joel) Thanks, anyway.
I just had lunch.
- Hey, Fleischman.
- What? I've been thinkin' about those childbirth classes.
- I'm not tellin' you what to do - Good.
But the fact of the matter is I think you did a lousy job.
- I what? - You fed those women the company line, encouraging them to resort to risky anaesthesia so you could avoid the pain of childbirth.
Natural childbirth works for some.
It's not for everybody.
So you're just like all the other misogynistic obstetricians in America.
First of all, I'm not an obstetrician.
Second, I love women.
Most women.
And thirdly, this is hardly America.
Prepared childbirth isn't just about breathing.
It's a state of mind.
It helps women deal with the stress.
Oh, you know that for sure? How? I may not have had a child, Fleischman, but I know one when I see one.
- What's that crack supposed to mean? - (tyres screech) (horn) (Maggie) Think about your favourite place in the world.
An open field.
A quiet lake.
Any place that makes you feel relaxed and comfortable.
OK.
You can open your eyes now.
So, where were we? - How about you? - Me? - At the ear pull up in Barrow.
- The ear pull? - Yeah, you know, when they tug on - Very good.
How about you? - I was with him.
- Simultaneous fantasies.
- Very touching.
- What about you, Dr Fleischman? - Where were you just now? - Me? (Maggie) Mm-hm.
On the Lower East Side, eating kosher spareribs at Schmulke Bernstein's.
Listen, folks, I hate to cut this short but we have to fly.
Before we go, are there any questions you'd like to ask a doctor? How will I know when it's time? Trust me, all mothers show up.
Boy, it's bright out here.
I used to hear him say it.
In his sleep, you know, he'd call out the name.
- I used to think it was a woman.
- Jesse? Yeah.
I just assumed it was J-e-s-s-i-e.
- He's close, Ed.
Isn't he? - Oh, he's close all right.
I can feel him, Ed, inside me.
- Holling? - No, Jesse.
Ed, I've never done anything this exciting in my life.
Being up here in the woods like this, with the man I love.
I know whatever you call it, it's so so radical.
(Holling) Shel, hon? Coming, hon.
Let's get going, Ed.
- OK.
Tell Holling everything's ready.
- OK.
- (Shelly) Hey, there.
- Well, hi.
- (both laugh) - (Holling) Get yourself in here.
I've made up this petition.
It says that the undersigned object to the threat of nuclear war and, um that we believe something should be done about it.
- Do you think it's too simple? - (man) It makes the point.
I don't know how much good it'll do but I think it's a great idea.
(boy) Would you like to be the first signature? You know, it's pretty early.
You might wake some people up.
Yeah.
Let's go, Max.
You know, that's a perfect example of a father-son relationship.
Well, that was the grandfather.
It's the same difference.
Generational, you know.
Heart-to-heart talks, yakkin' about the verities of life.
My favourite along that line was Bonanza.
Old Ben Cartwright.
There was a family man.
Raised those boys to be men.
Hoss.
Little Joe.
- The bald guy.
- Pernell Roberts.
Yeah, that's right.
Anyway, do you know why they stuck together through thick and thin? Hm? Because they could count on each other, that's why.
Just like on the Richard Kiley show here.
When those kids needed their granddad, they knew right where to look for him, right there at that kitchen table.
They could talk to him about anything on their minds - school, sports, nuclear war.
He covered all bases.
You see what I'm gettin' at? Oh, yeah.
- Well, anyway - I gotta go.
- I gotta get goin'.
- What, do you have plans? - Yeah, I got a date.
- Oh, well, that's fine, son.
Um Do you need any pocket change or any money for gas? - No.
I'm OK.
- Oh, well.
Oh, remember, son seeds sprout.
("Daddy's Home" on radio) (sighs) - (woman) Chris, honey, what's wrong? - This isn't working.
- Well, what's the matter? - I don't know.
I keep thinkin' of sprouts.
I just I can't do it.
It's OK.
You got troubles at home? Yeah.
Uh, excuse me.
Morning, Ed.
Come on in.
I checked around.
No sign of Jesse.
- What? - Yeah, he's gone.
- Must have sensed us and scrammed.
- Damn.
- It's not your fault, Holling.
- I had him in my sights and I let him get away.
- Mm, it's all right.
- Yeah, Holling.
He'll be back.
If the enemy comes into your territory, it means somethin'.
It was a challenge.
- And I failed to meet it.
- That's not true.
You sucked it up and prepared to meet that bear face to face.
Right, Ed? - Right.
- I'm so proud of you, Holling.
Proud to say that you are my man.
Ed, grab Holling's Sure Shot.
I want a picture to remember this by.
Remember the time we faced the enemy head-on, together, and lived to tell about it.
- (Holling) Oh - (Shelly giggles) (both laugh) (Holling) Now? Yeah, you're not bad at all.
- (Chris) What's the deal here? - It's real simple.
You just whack the ball.
- No, I don't mean "what", I mean "why".
- What do you mean, "why"? - Why are we dressed like this? - Chris you can't go through life as a Minnifield thinkin' that arm wrestling's where it's at.
Now, croquet was invented by the English over 100 years ago.
It falls under the category of your lawn games.
Maurice, come on.
I got starch in my collar.
- Yeah, it's all part of the programme, son.
- What programme? Chris, I can't give you the benefit of my genes, but I can and I will expose you to the finer things in life.
I don't know, you know.
I don't know about this.
What would you rather do? Play polo? No, I don't think I wanna play polo.
I just wanna keep doin' what I've been doin'.
I know it's not much for the Minnifield standard but it's been OK for the Stevens line.
We're talking about a different brand of lineage here.
Now, no disrespect intended, but, um you were spawned by a couple of brier-hoppers.
Now, when you step up to the Minnifield line, it's a whole different matter.
Step up to the ball, whack it, and see if it doesn't make your blood feel a little bluer.
No, no, no, no! (laughs) Not like you're squattin' on the can.
Bend your knees.
Bend your knees.
Keep your back straight.
Good, good.
OK.
Well, that's kinda piddly, but it's a start.
No, it's, uh Let's finish.
- What? What do you mean? - I tried it.
I don't like it.
- You're quitting? - That's right.
- Well, Minnifields are not quitters! - Well, guess what.
The Stevenses are.
We quit everything, if you haven't heard.
School, work.
You name it.
The only thing we don't quit is drinking.
- Consider yourself grounded, young man! - Well, stick it between your legs, Dad.
(groaning) Good.
Good breathing.
Very good.
OK, now, coaches, time how long it is to the next contraction.
You could participate.
A little encouragement or enthusiasm, maybe? - (woman) Oh! - See, now, that was realistic.
- Who was that anyway? - Oh! Hey, are you OK? - What's the matter? - It's time.
- No, it's Newsweek.
- No, it's time for the baby.
I'm sure your friend appreciates your involvement.
- But coaches don't have to groan so loud.
- I'm havin' a baby.
- What am I missing? - She's pregnant.
- She's in labour.
- A stowaway? I'm not gonna ask why.
You got a hell of a dressmaker.
Thanks.
Give me some of those pillows.
We are having a baby.
- Now? Here? - Relax, O'Connell.
- Think of a pleasant place.
- I want my epidural! (rustle) (growl) Holling.
(whispers) Holling.
(whispers) Holling.
(growl) (growl) (snarl) (camera click) - (Maggie) Something just isn't right.
- (Joel) Where? What? No, Fleischman, the plane is fine.
So what's wrong? - We had a baby today.
- I couldn't have done it without you.
You came to teach them how to floss but you did OK.
- Did I? - Yeah.
You were splendid.
Yeah, well, you weren't so bad yourself, you know.
- You looked good holding a baby.
- Good? Yeah.
You know, natural.
- I did? - Yeah.
How'd I look? You looked you looked comfortable.
I did? Yeah.
Thanks.
(horn) Maurice? Joel.
I was just out drivin' around and noticed your lights were on.
Little chilly to be ridin' around with your top down, isn't it? I was just out drinkin' in the soft summer night.
- You wanna come in? - Oh, no.
The place looks good, Fleischman.
You've really settled in, for only having been here a couple of months.
- Can I get you somethin'? - No, no.
I understand you've earned your keep today.
Brought a new baby into the world.
Yeah.
A man dies.
A baby's born.
The cycle continues.
You know what the motto of the state of Alaska is, Joel? - "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"? - No.
"North to the future.
" That's my motto too.
"The compass point to opportunity.
" "The direction for tomorrow.
" "A caribou in every pot.
A snowmobile in every garage.
" Space, son.
Lebensraum.
- Room to build, room to grow.
- You are the man for the job, Maurice.
A general on the battlefield of history.
If anyone can pave Alaska, it's you.
Kind words, son.
But the Minnifield empire will not bear fruit in one man's lifetime.
Yeah, I hear it didn't work out with you and Chris.
I'm sorry.
You know, maybe you could start a trust.
The Minnifield Foundation.
It worked for the Rockefellers, the Gettys.
No.
I've come up with something else, Joel.
Really? What's that? I've decided to live forever.
Sounds like a plan.
Well, better be goin'.
Oh, uh by the way, Joel.
That baby that was born today - girl or boy? It was a boy.
A son.
Snow? It's snowing? (laughs) It's snowing.