Not Dead Yet (2023) s01e07 Episode Script

1
Oh, hey. Heyyyy, roomie.
You know, it's, uh it's so crazy
that we've been living
together for a few months
and I don't even know
what city you were born in.
That's not crazy. I
was born in Cleveland.
Cool. So as a kid in Cleveland,
did you have any pets?
Yeah. I had a hamster named Hamster.
Adorable. Last question.
What's your mother's maiden name?
- No.
- What?
You're trying to steal my Hulu password.
No, I'm not trying to
That's identity theft, Nell.
Come on! Everybody does it.
It's not a big deal.
It's like stealing a
fun glass from a bar
or sneaking a roasted
chicken into a movie theater.
As a lawyer, I'm gonna
recommend that you quit talking
before you confess to any more crimes.
Speaking of crimes,
I've noticed you use a lot of
toilet paper in the bathroom.
Now, I wasn't gonna say
anything because, frankly,
I I don't know where to begin.
But I think it would be
best if you could please
just keep the bathroom stocked.
Okay, listen, I'll amortize
my share from the
What is What are
What are you doing?
Um, I'm packing my lunch.
That's not lunch.
That's oyster crackers
and a jar of peanut butter.
I don't get paid until Friday.
And I'm three payments
behind on my student loans.
So I'm gonna have to make do.
Thank God I picked these tomatillos
from the community garden.
We don't have a community garden.
You just picked that
from somebody's yard.
Oh, call the produce police. Bye!
It's a slippery slope
from tomatoes to banks.
Oh.
"Dear Nell," blah, blah, blah.
"Your next obituary
assignment is" Oh!
Wow, that was a close call.
Oh, my God. I know that voice.
This is the voice of
the Fresno Grizzlies,
- Car
- Carlos Garza!
Carlos Garza! Oh, my God!
My dad I used to listen
to you call baseball games
all the time! I can't
believe you're dead!
- That is amazing!
- Hurtful.
Oh, no, no. I didn't mean it like that.
I just meant that, like, you know
I've always wanted to meet you.
So, you know, say
something, just anything.
- Keep your eyes on the road.
- Oh, yeah.
Don't worry. That's it, though.
That's exactly what you sound like.
Oh!
Two car crashes in one day.
Tough day for Carlos Garza.
Yeah, I canceled my AAA,
so this tow truck's
gonna cost me about, uh,
- 300 bucks that I don't have.
- Hm.
Speaking of AAA, this
reminds me of a pitcher
- from the Toledo Mud Hens.
- Mm.
This guy was older than Moses,
committed three errors on one play.
Yet, the old southpaw
managed to turn things around
and get the win.
Man, you always have the
perfect baseball story
for every situation.
We'd always have you on at the kitchen
in my family's restaurant.
Or Or, in the summer,
we'd bring the radio
with us to the stadium
just to, like, listen to
you when we watched the game.
You really brought me and
my dad closer together.
Yeah.
Oh.
- Nope.
- Hmm.
I can see you're still very close.
No, we are. Now is just not a good time.
Hm.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this one is going, going, gone.
I am just so grateful
that you didn't get hurt.
I mean, this is why I always tell you
to keep your eyes on the road.
FYI, the light is green.
Huh? Oh.
- Mm. Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
So, you doing okay?
Yeah. I got coffee in my bra.
Oh, and I might have to start
driving Uber on the weekends.
But, uh, now I don't have a car, so
maybe they'll let me carry
people from place to place.
Oh.
Oh, of course my dad
keeps calling me today,
on all days.
Well, maybe you could just
ask him for some money.
Oh, no, no, no. I don't think so.
Mnh-mnh.
Yeah, if I pick up, he's
gonna want to catch up.
And then I'm gonna ruin the illusion
that his little superstar
is actually broke,
living with a roommate,
and stealing vegetables
like Peter Rabbit.
This is all temporary, okay?
And from where I'm sitting,
you are doing all right,
even with that coffee on your bra.
I hope we get away to the Bahamas.
Alright, if you can figure it out.
I'm gonna look for a
Attention, everybody.
I have an air horn.
And also an announcement to make.
My father wants all employees
to undergo performance reviews.
I know he can be intimidating.
But good news
He's not going to be present
in person.
He is going to be present on a speaker.
But we're going to make it fun! Mason?
Every employee's name has been written
on one of these ping-pong balls
by my personal calligraphist, Chaz.
Now, when I pull your ball,
you're going to meet me
in the conference room
for a little chitchat.
Fun, right?
Heyyyy. What's going on?
My father wants me to make budget cuts.
- I think I might have to lay someone off.
- Oh, my God.
Yeah. It's bad.
It's really, really bad.
Love the big jewelry, Tina.
10 out of 10!
Everyone's gonna hate me.
And I don't know how to
pull myself out of it.
Okay, well, all you have to
do is just take a deep breath
and be honest with everyone
and tell them the truth.
I can't do that, and neither can you.
Okay? Just smile.
Party!
The paper's cutting costs, people.
It's only a matter of time
until they cut jobs, too.
Good thing I'm the only one
here who doesn't get paid.
You're also the only one here
that's still on a learner's permit.
What?
Screw this place. I'm
taking whatever I want.
Whoa.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Just, I don't like performance reviews.
- Oh.
- Not really good with criticism.
Plus, when I get
nervous, I tend to ramble.
Well, not so much ramble
as prattle or blabber.
Pratter, even. Is
that a word, "pratter"?
- Mnh-mnh.
- I think I'm rambling.
- Am I rambling?
- 100%.
- Oh.
- Dennis.
Ohhh!
Okay. No, this is good, this is good.
I'm going first. Rip it
off just like a Band-Aid.
Why do people say that?
That hurts so much.
Oh, God, I'm rambling again.
I know my father can be intimidating,
even from 5,000 miles away,
but don't let it rattle you.
Just pretend he's not even in the room,
listening and judging every
single thing you're saying.
Mr. Rhodes has joined the call.
Uh, hello. Mr. Rhodes, it's
such a pleasure
to finally meet you
over the speaker box.
Don't be alarmed.
He didn't speak to me
from the ages of 8 to 11
because I had braces.
Okay, Dennis, let's get into it.
How would you summarize your
performance over the past year?
Uh, yes.
Um, I I can definitely do that.
Um, our our clicks
are up. Ad sales up.
A And we uncovered a sex cult
at the Alhambra Public Library.
The end. Well, kudos to you.
Keep up the good work.
- Is that it?
- Yes.
I mean, unless you wanted
to say something else?
No. No.
Thank you. Thank you, Lexi.
And And And thank you, Mr. Rhodes.
I appreciate the opportunity.
Um, and I love you.
I, uh
I gotta go job.
Mm-hmm.
- Ah.
- Toilet paper?
I haven't seen a steal this brazen
since fleet-footed Dave
Roberts stole second base
against the Yankees in the ALCS.
Can you cool it with
the color commentary?
My life sucks, and I might lose my job.
I thought you liked my storytelling.
I did When I was a kid
and it was about the players and not me.
I really don't need a
play-by-play of my failures.
Mm-hmm. I'll stop.
For what it's worth, things
could always be worse.
I don't even know how that's possible.
- Dad?!
- Now, that is a beautiful curveball.
- There's my superstar.
- Dad.
Ah. Ah.
Your mom wants to give you this. Mwah!
- And this.
- Hey!
She says that's for not
visiting since you got back.
- I visited.
- Once. And that was months ago.
But work's been keeping
me busy, you know?
But don't worry. Everything is good.
- I'm over this dump.
- Oh, wait.
So what brings you, uh, down here, Dad?
- Everything okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I had to meet with one of our
suppliers to the restaurant.
- Oh.
- I called you a couple of times
to see if you were free for lunch,
but when I didn't hear from you,
I just thought, "You know
what? I'm just gonna show up."
And oh, my God Carlos Garza.
- Oh.
- Talk about one of the greats.
I like this guy. Class act.
I met him, you know, a few years ago.
- He came to the restaurant.
- Yeah?
He said my pasteles were
The best he'd ever tasted.
I'm sure they were delicious,
but I say that to
everyone to get free food.
You know what, Dad? It's
like he's still here.
I'm I'm writing his obituary.
Th They usually put me
on more important things.
They just wanted to
make sure that, you know,
- they got the job done right.
- Wow, mírate.
That's my superstar.
Hey, since I'm here,
which one of these offices is yours?
I want to see where the magic happens.
- You do?
- Yeah.
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, I'll show you, Dad.
Come on. It's just, uh, right over here.
Yeah, right this way, Dad.
Um I'll, uh
Ahh!
I always knew you were
gonna be a big success
when you were a little girl.
- Oh.
- Banging out those stories
on your toy typewriter.
Yeah, well, now I have a computer,
but, unfortunately, no bubbles
come out when I press the keys.
Hey! Oh, hey!
Mr. Serrano. I didn't
know you were in town.
Did Nell know you were in town?
If she picked up her
phone, she would have.
Sam, I can't believe you're a mom now.
- Yeah.
- Show me some pictures.
Sure.
Nell, do you know where
my picture frames are?
I think they're in your cubicle.
Not sure why they'd be in my office.
You're right. You're right.
How silly of me. I just
love those pictures.
I just carry them around all the time
and leave them in
other people's offices.
Quick quesht.
Has anyone ever told
their boss "I love you"
totally unprompted?
Asking for a myself. I just did that.
Dennis, you remember my dad, right?
You guys met a few years ago?
- Yes! Mr. Serrano!
- Hi.
Good to see you.
Why are you sitting there?
It's my chair.
And this is my desk
and my pencils pen.
My pens.
And, you know, because this
is my three hard-boiled eggs
for lunch. Ugh!
I really respect your
relationship to protein.
Mm-hmm. Yes.
Dad, why don't we go outside
and get some air, yeah?
Yeah.
The newspaper business is solid.
- Life is great.
- Oh, I never worry about you.
- Your brother, on the other hand.
- Oh, no.
Did he accidentally start
another pyramid scheme?
No, but I still have a
garage full of shampoo,
if you're interested
in losing your hair.
- No, thanks.
- Basically, I was thinking
I might take a step
back at the restaurant
and let him take over.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I mean, I don't know
what else to do with him.
- Mm.
- Maybe he'll get his life together, for once.
Well, I mean, come on.
It's not all his fault, right?
Sometimes things are
out of your control,
and people get knocked off their path,
and they just need a a
minute to get back on it.
- No. I think he might just be an idiot.
- Mm.
Not like my successful daughter
with her corner office
and her fancy job.
Well, that's me, who is not an idiot.
Almost too successful.
I decided to go with
the smaller apartment,
you know, for historical significance.
Rumor has it David Lee
Roth once lived here.
Ah!
I don't know who that
is, but I'm impressed.
Oh, well, let me go change real quick,
- and then we'll grab a bite, hmm?
- Okay.
Isn't this great?
Sam!
Oh.
This is going to be easy.
Just easy-squeezy, okay?
Oh, I am so relieved
to hear you say that.
I was actually kind of nervous about it.
I don't know why. I think it's 'cause
Keith is just trying
to develop this app,
- and I'm like
- Um, I don't need
to hear about your
personal life, Ms. Holkar.
Dad.
Oh. Okay.
Thanks, Lexi.
Bup-bup-bup!
Please just stick to
your performance review.
Alright.
Uh, well, I think that
my performance overall
has been very positive,
especially in light of the fact
that we have, uh, lost
two reporters this year.
But Lifestyle will continue
to grow and improve.
- Um
- Well, it's not good enough,
but I suppose it's going to have to do.
- You can go now.
- Thank you.
Ah, so I'm Edward.
What are you doing here?
I just met your dad. He's great.
You didn't tell me you had a roommate.
I was just telling him how relieved I am
that you were not hurt
during your car accident,
even though it sucks
that you don't have
the money to pay for it
and then you had to go to
work after to write obituaries
at your dumpy, little cubicle.
I did mention the vegetable stealing,
but that's only because I thought maybe
he would want to speak
with you about it.
Dad, I know this sounds bad.
Alright, I'm going to excuse myself.
Thank you.
- So you're broke
- Eh
that wasn't your office,
and you got in a car accident?
It wasn't that bad.
I really just have to replace,
like, the front half of the car.
- You've been lying about your life.
- Uh
Is this why you've barely come to visit
since you've been back?
I just didn't want you guys to worry.
And things have been
tougher than expected,
but it's gonna be okay.
You know, I'm working really
hard to get myself out of it.
Nell, it doesn't have to be so hard.
You can come home and
run the restaurant.
- No.
- I always wanted it to be you, anyway.
But you had these big
dreams you were chasing,
and I I didn't want
to get in the way.
- But if it's not working out
- Dad
Listen to me.
You could have some stability,
afford your own place to live,
and you could be near your family.
Dad, I'm sorry for lying,
but it's I'm going to be fine.
Penelope, can you honestly tell me
this is the life that you want?
And as the slugger
steps up to the plate,
she faces the question,
does she like her job?
Does she like her living situation?
Does she like some dead
guy asking these questions?
How you feeling, champ?
Uh, I I just can't stop
thinking about what my dad said.
You know, like, I
I can't find a reason
not to agree with him.
If I move back home and
I work for the restaurant,
my life would be easier.
Dads are like umpires.
You hate them when they get it wrong.
But 99 times out of
100, they get it right.
You know what's funny?
I have this memory of a game.
Me and my dad are in the cheap seats,
'cause they're the
rowdiest and the most fun.
You know, I got my Cracker
Jacks and my hot dog,
and my dad's got his
beer and you on the radio.
- Oh.
- It's the bottom of the 7th.
Lorenzo Gomez steps up to the plate,
and he really connects, right?
And I I see the ball leave his bat,
and I watch it fly through the air,
and I just know it's
headed right towards me.
So I I close my eyes,
I open my glove,
and it lands smack in the middle of it.
And it was just the best moment
because I was in the exact right place
at the exact right time.
Mm-hmm.
From then on, I always
felt that way, you know?
Right place, right time
Till now.
- Oh, I don't know about that.
- Huh.
You took me right back
to the cheap seats in '94.
I call 'em like I see 'em.
And you're a storyteller.
No matter what you decide to do,
I'm glad you're the
one who's telling mine.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
That's cool.
Okay. 773N.
Nope.
That makes more sense. Nell.
Nell, Nell, Nell.
Where should we begin?
I'll start.
I was gonna come in here
and tell you to fire me.
That would be amazing. Go on.
But I can't do that.
Just because I'm living
off of oyster crackers
doesn't mean that I need to go
and run a Puerto Rican
restaurant in Fresno.
That's oddly specific. Proceed.
I'm going to stay here at the paper,
and I'm gonna keep doing what
I love telling stories.
Now, I I don't know if
you know this, Mr. Rhodes,
but that's what everybody
here is trying to do.
And it And it really sucks
that you're making us jump through hoops
with these stupid performance reviews.
We don't need more pressure
than the pressure we put on ourselves.
- Mr. Rhodes?
- Papá?
Uh, yeah.
Mr. Rhodes hasn't been on
the call for quite some time.
He instructed me to
cough every now and then
so you wouldn't know.
But please don't tell him.
I I don't want to be fired.
I really need this job.
Well
- Whew!
- This is embarrassing.
I'm sorry your little
screed fell on deaf ears.
- Eh.
- For what it's worth,
I found both you ladies to be very
Oh, goodness.
I can't believe my dad is
trying to get me to make layoffs
and couldn't even be bothered
to be on the calls himself.
It's just so typical.
I don't want to fire people.
I hate being the bad guy.
Really? 'Cause you're really good at it.
And the crazy part is,
I've been trying so hard
to prove to him that I'm
doing a good job, and for what?
To be the boss with perfect teeth
who's despised by her employees?
Ah, I get that.
I don't want to
disappoint my dad, either.
Maybe, sometimes, we
gotta wave off the signs
and swing for the fences,
even if it's a 3-0 count.
Mm. Is that some kind of
code or something?
I'm just saying, you gotta
do what's right for you.
We both do.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
You can do now, 773N.
That was incredible.
I'm glad you're gonna stay in the game.
Well, you inspired me.
Oh, kid, it was my pleasure.
- Just remember to keep swinging.
- Mm-hmm.
You'll find your way back to
the big leagues soon enough.
Everyone, I have an announcement.
I'm sure some of you have heard a rumor
that the performance reviews
were leading to layoffs.
Let me be the first to tell
you that this rumor is correct.
You're coming with me, Key-bo.
What I meant to say was,
this rumor was absolutely correct.
My father did want layoffs.
But I have found a way to
avoid making that happen.
Everyone is keeping their jobs.
How did you manage to
save everyone's jobs?
I had my father fired.
He probably won't discover
it for several weeks,
and when he does, boy,
will he be furious.
But please don't tell anyone,
and smile for everyone, Sam.
Thank you.
"When I was a little
girl, I thought Carlos Garza
was calling baseball games just for me.
He got you to hold your
breath with every at-bat
and to fall in love
with each player's story.
You felt the sting of every setback
and the heartbreak of every loss."
"And if the season
ended short of victory,
as it did so many times,
Carlos Garza reminded you
that hope springs eternal
and better days are always just ahead."
Wow.
But would it have killed you to say
where he got his favorite pasteles?
You know, I was thinking
about what you had asked
if this is the life that I want to live.
And, honestly, I don't know.
But I know that my game is not over yet.
Even if I share a small apartment
and my job surrounds
me with dead people,
I weirdly think that
this is good for me.
And I know you're disappointed in me.
I'm not disappointed, Nell.
I'm proud of you, just like
I've always been proud of you.
And of course you gotta go for it.
I did, and I got my dream to come true.
What's that?
Serving pasteles to Carlos Garza?
No, mija. I got to be your dad.
Mm! Mwah!
Dennis.
Hello?
Dennis, I'd like to
have a word with you.
Um, yes, Mr. Rhodes?
While what you said to me
earlier was extremely awkward,
I just want you to know I love you, too.
Mr. Rhodes.
I I don't know what to say.
Say nothing to no one.
I will carry this secret to my grave.
Oh, for
You were supposed to tell him the truth.
Come on! This is so much more fun.
- Lexi!
- I'm calling Nell.
No, you are not!
- Come on!
- No!