Now Apocalypse (2019) s01e07 Episode Script

CARLY: Previously on Now Apocalypse.
[Sev moaning.]
Aah! ULYSSES: From the moment me and Gabriel met, there was this supernatural connection between us, and then he disappears.
If we wanna be with another person, we can do it together.
It's my cam client, we were sexting earlier.
- ULYSSES: Is this the pee guy? - CARLY: Yeah, Worm.
He watched me pee in the bathtub.
- What are you looking at? - Pics from that photo shoot I did with that director guy, Otto.
ULYSSES: These pics are insane! - They're borderline porn! - Fuck you, Uly! CARLY: We must be spiraling towards fucking doomsday.
You are in such a good mood, it's scaring me.
I know.
Shit is finally going my way for a change.
Like, this morning, I woke up, and, right out of the gate, I hear a knocking at my door.
- [knocking.]
- FORD: Hey, Uly? - Are you up? - Yeah, uh huh, just hold on.
I made you breakfast.
Oh! Uh Thanks.
Dude.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean any of those things that I said to you.
I'm sorry, OK? I was acting like such an ass.
You're my best friend in the whole world, bro.
And us not talking for the past three days, has been the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me.
- Me, too.
- I love you, Uly! I love you, too.
- And then you fucked? - Yeah.
No.
[chuckles.]
See, I told you you two would kiss and make up.
- [phone beeps.]
- I'm just glad that everything's back to normal.
- Oh my God, now what is it? - Huh? Oh, it's Isaac.
Oh, is that the new guy? Yeah, and he's confirming our first IRL date.
- This Friday.
- Mmm! Nice! So, uh how you gonna fuck it up this time? [pop music playing.]
OK, we're here.
Where exactly is "here"? I know I've been very distracted with work lately.
So, I wanted to do something special to make it up to you.
Now, put this on.
Ahh.
FORD: Ohh! Is this what I think it is? I honestly don't know.
I'm not a moron, Sev.
I know an Illuminati sex party when I see one.
CARLY: So, check, he's gorgeous.
Tell me again how you guys met.
It's so fairy tale, slash, vintage gay porn.
Well It was a dark and smoggy night, and I was at work, chasing that homeless guy.
And I had to climb this fence, and I was kinda stoned.
And so, I fall.
And when I come to, I'm on the ground.
Totally out of it, and I don't know where I am, or what's going on.
And then I open my eyes, and I see ISAAC: Hey.
Are you OK? Yeah.
Uh I'm fine.
- And then you fucked? - Ha.
[laughing.]
So, uh, what's this guy do again? - For a living, you mean? - Mmm.
Homeless outreach.
That's why he was in the auto yard.
Aw, so he's, like, a humanitarian.
Yeah.
On top of being, like, super sweet, and adorable, and, unlike Gabriel, he doesn't disappear every five seconds.
Oh, God.
Gabriel.
Have you heard from the David Copperfield of Grindr since his last vanishing act? No.
Oh.
Oh my God.
- What? - Remember my, uh, my cam client, Worm? Mmm-hmm.
He wants me to pee in a bottle for him so he can drink it.
[choking sounds.]
BARTENDER: All right, so this is our specialty, aphrodisiac cocktail.
It's vodka, with fresh ginger and cinnamon, plus a special secret ingredient.
It's not jizz, is it? - No.
- Ah, word.
Thanks, Jacques.
Oh! Ahh Wow! This place is lit! Check out that dude's arms! I didn't know that was your type.
What do you mean? Dude is swole, man.
I wonder what his workout routine is.
WOMAN: Can I interest you in some weed lube? No, thank you.
I don't do weed.
Oh, it won't make you stoned, it just gets your vagina high.
My vagina doesn't want to get high.
Why not? WOMAN: I'll take some.
OK, cool.
give me your feet.
Come here.
[chuckles.]
WOMAN: Do me now.
There's a couple people I need to say hi to, so Why don't you try and make some new friends? Don't worry, I won't be long.
Uh, all right.
Um, we're still just hooking up together as a couple, right? Of course, but don't be afraid to get your hands a little dirty.
Just remember to ask permission before touching anyone.
It's party rules.
Affirmative consent, and all that nonsense.
Affirmative consent? It's this thing American people do.
'Cause they aren't sophisticated enough to communicate through body language.
You, however, shouldn't have that problem.
Look at you.
Everyone wants to fuck you.
- I'll be back shortly.
- OK.
[sighs.]
ULYSSES: So, Worm is coming here to meet us for pee cocktail hour? No! Are you insane? I'm supposed to leave it in a bottle outside, - he's gonna pick it up.
- Oh, well, obviously.
How much, how much money should I ask for? I dunno, is there some way to assess supply and demand on the urine black market? Uh, some whores on Reddit are saying they charge $200 a bottle.
- That sounds about right.
- Yeah, OK, so, I'll start with $200, but I'm open to negotiation.
I mean, I kinda have to pee anyway, so [girl moaning.]
[moaning intensifies.]
[applause.]
So, do you come here often? This is my first time, actually.
- How about you? - Oh, I'm a regular.
This is definitely one of the best sex parties in the city.
So, um, are you here alone? I'm with my sub.
Bitch! This is Bitch.
You want him to suck you off? Oh, uh, I'm good.
Thank you for asking.
Should I have asked for less? How long has it been? Like 90 seconds.
Actually, you know what? My bodily fluids go for top dollar, or they go for nothing.
You're such a modern businesswoman.
Hmm.
To leaning in.
[phone beeps.]
OMG.
Worm just Venmo'd me $200.
[both laugh.]
Wait Is it tragic that my pee is more valuable than my ideas? Try not to overthink it.
Yeah, you're right.
Can you finish that? Hmm? Oh, what, no! No, eww! Seriously, he's gonna be here like any second.
I don't wanna run into him in person.
[Ulysses grunts.]
You are gross.
Be right back! WOMAN: Me and Zeke had the most incredible threesome last week, with a trans masculine we met on Tinder.
It's like my soul has expanded from sharing so much pleasure.
Mmm, so you and Zeke have been seeing each other a lot, huh? Yeah, we have intense NRE.
What's NRE? [girls laugh.]
New relationship energy.
It's like, when you're really into someone new and you get butterflies.
Oh! Right.
Mmm.
When you're poly, and your partner, like, has it with someone else, NRE can be gnarly.
But then you learn that it's not really a threat.
Yeah, it's like, wanting to fuck someone, or having a crush on them, it fades.
You know, it's not the same as being in a committed relationship.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Ohh.
Oh, fucking shit.
Oh, fuck, goddammit.
- [peeing sound.]
- Oh my God.
[faint moaning.]
There you are.
I've been looking all over for you.
Well, you found me.
Everyone here is so nice! I know, it's unbearable.
Hey, so, have you heard of NRE? - I have.
- It just makes so much sense, right? I mean, sex and love aren't necessarily the same thing.
- True.
- Hmm? Anyway.
I have some people I want you to meet.
- Oh my God, hurry up! - I am! Jeez, I have fucking heels on! - Go.
- Good? OK.
Go! Go! Hey guys! This is Severine.
My girlfriend.
WOMAN: Well, hello there, gorgeous.
What's your guys' rule? [electronic music plays.]
Hi! I wanna suck your cock.
Cool.
Do I have your enthusiastic consent? Um, yes! OK, then.
[inaudible speaking.]
Hello? Is anyone there? You can run, Ulysses, but you can't escape your destiny.
Only you and I know the truth.
We're the only ones that can stop them.
Come on, Uly! Stop acting like you can't see what's right in front of your eyes.
- What do you mean? - The human race, is finito, man, game over.
It's the end of the fucking world as we know it.
I am the archangel Gabriel that stands in the presence of God.
And I am sent to deliver unto thee, joyous tidings of catastrophic doom.
[deep wailing horn.]
[gasps.]
[pop music playing.]
So? Gabriel, the trumpeter! Harbinger of the apocalypse! Remember the dream that I had.
Do you remember what I said about taking a break from all the pot smoking? You high right now? A little.
But that, that, that's not the point.
Oh my God, Uly, no, it's like exactly the point.
You are perpetually baked.
And then you wonder why your life is like a friggin' Salvador Dali painting.
Jesus, ugh.
Maybe, but still, in my dream, there was a fucking spaceship! Uly Why don't you just like, try going cold turkey for, like, a few days, and seeing if it makes a difference.
What do you have to lose? So it's settled! All right.
Today is day one, weed and hallucination free.
Argh.
Yeah, you know, I, uh, but I got that big date - with Isaac later.
- OK.
So, who cares? It's all the more reason to start with a clean slate.
First day of the rest of your life! Etcetera.
Uhh Uh, but then, also, I'm-gonna, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be so nervous, you know.
Uly You know, I have so much faith in you, that you're gonna You're, um, heh.
What? Turn around.
Isn't that? Ooh.
Oh my God, dude.
You were right, my life is frickin' over! It's not that bad, man.
Really.
You think? Yeah, yeah.
You just, you just need to calm down.
How, how did you find out about it? What are you talking about? I walked out of the gym today, and [girls laugh.]
FORD: Man, what am I gonna do? Just, OK, just, everything's gonna be fine, OK? The human body is beautiful! And, and you don't have anything to be ashamed of.
But my dick is blown up, giant sized, all over town! How is that gonna look when I'm trying to get taken seriously as a screenwriter? I, I'm sure that's all gonna be fine.
It's Hollywood! Nobody gives a shit about anything other than themselves anyway.
I dunno, dude, I'm really worried.
[phone rings.]
Oh, shit! It's Sev! Fuck! What do I do? You got to uh, you gotta tell her, right? Meh, do I? You know, I don't wanna get her mad.
Yeah, but it sorta it sorta feels like you have to, 'cause she's gonna find out eventually.
Yeah, I guess.
Should I pick it up? You've gotta pick it up.
[phone rings.]
[sighing.]
OK, yeah.
Hey babe.
- Ford? - FORD: So, um [sighing.]
Something kinda happened.
Good start.
What do you mean? You remember those pictures I showed you a couple days ago, that Otto took? That's why I was calling.
- Oh.
- SEV: I'm looking at an image of you, almost naked, on the side of a skyscraper.
- What! - SEV: Yes! Your penis bulge is the size of a single family home.
Shit, Sev, ok, listen to me, ok? I can explain this, um The last thing on the planet that I ever wanna do is to embarrass you.
SEV: I'm not embarrassed.
On the contrary, I find it highly erotic.
What, wait, what? - You do? - Now what is she saying? Shut the really? Yea.
And I've already made plans for us to have another very special adventure tonight.
Can you come by my apartment around ten o'clock? Uh, y-yeah, sure.
Perfect, see you then.
OK, well bye, babe.
What did she say? I [man groaning.]
Oh, shit! Who [moaning on TV.]
Oh.
Let me guess.
You're my new roommate? Start making you guys wear name tags.
Oh my God, I'm gonna fucking pee my pants.
- ANANDA: Wait.
Don't go in there.
- Why not? It's occupied.
By who? Yeah, I was a little short on rent this month, so I'm Airbnb'ing out my room for a couple nights.
I'll just sleep on the couch, it's no big.
You've been living here for less than four hours.
I know that? [exhales sharply.]
OK.
Shit.
Fuck, fuck.
Ah.
[peeing sound.]
[phone beeps.]
OK, are, are they out of the bathroom yet? Shh, shh, shh.
No.
Why? Because I need to take a fucking shower.
[sighs.]
Hey! I need to use the bathroom.
What is going on in there? Hello! Can you hear me? Oh my Oh my god, no.
OK, you know what? No.
This is not acceptable.
They need to leave now.
Well, contact Airbnb if you want.
No, you tell them to leave.
This is my house! OK, listen.
I need you to get this fuckin' weird, UNICEF family out of here! And I need you to go sleep in your own fucking room! OK, I literally feel like I'm being assaulted by your white privilege right now.
Oh my God.
Oh my fucking God! ISAAC: I'm glad that you're not super materialistic.
Because social work is many things, but well-paying is not one of them.
Yeah! I've always been kinda turned off by brazen consumerism.
You know? Always wanting more, and more, and more.
It's like a cancer eating away at your soul.
But then again, I'm poor.
If I was rich, maybe I'd feel differently.
I was into the whole minimalism thing for a while.
Oh, really? I mean, I still have way too much stuff.
But I can appreciate the basic concept.
Just getting rid of all the junk in your life to make room for what's meaningful.
Like? Like relationships, people that you care about, and cool experiences.
Life is just time, right? So, once you strip away all the extraneous bullshit, then you make room for the stuff that matters.
- Yeah, I dunno.
- Mm.
Maybe I'm already drunk, or something, but that makes a frightening amount of sense to me.
[both laugh.]
[pop music playing.]
ISAAC: You all right? Huh? Ha, yeah.
Yeah, uh, sorry.
I think I may have drank my drink just a little too fast.
Do you wanna get some fresh air or something? Yeah.
That sounds good.
[mellow pop music plays.]
[sighs.]
- ULYSSES: You know what's cool? - ISAAC: Mmm? It's cool that, even in a city with millions of people in it, that there's still spots like this.
I used to come here all the time, just to, like, be alone with my thoughts, and, listen to the sounds.
Yeah, L.
A.
can be a little overwhelming.
It's sort of like a deranged cartoon or something.
- [both laugh.]
- Yeah, it gets pretty crazy down there.
From this perspective though it seems so serene and perfect.
- You know, now that I'm used to it.
- [laughs.]
Can't really imagine being anywhere else.
Yeah, same here.
I guess we're just both weirdos.
- [laughs.]
- Yeah, guess we are.
- Cold? - Hmm? Oh, sort of.
Just, uh But I'm having a really nice time.
So am I.
[sighs.]
Wow, I've wanted to do that for so long.
Me, too.
[sighs.]
No, seriously, from like the second you walked into the bar tonight.
I've wanted to kiss you since the first night we met.
- When you were lying on the ground? - Yeah.
Then, too.
I mean, I wanted to make sure your back - wasn't, like, broken or anything.
- Right.
I wanna go some somewhere where we can make out for real, and take our clothes off.
Yeah? My, uh, roommate is-is gone for the night, so we'll have the place to ourselves.
I'm already there.
OK, let's go.
[phone chimes.]
[elevator dings.]
[sighs.]
- SEV: Ford? - Yeah, babe.
SEV: I'll be there in a minute.
Hold on.
ULYSSES: God.
I want you so fucking bad.
Same.
No.
No, like, like my dick is so hard, - that it hurts.
- I know, mine too.
That's the, that's the thing with gay guys, it's like the same for both of us.
It's definitely one advantage that we have over straight people.
Or, or it's a drawback.
Because we're both horny as fuck right now, and no one's being sensible.
- True.
- Mmm.
Oh.
But let's, let's, let's not have full on sex tonight.
- I mean, I don't wanna rush things.
- Whatever you wanna do.
Do you wanna suck each other off? Or just hand jobs? Hand jobs only though? Are you OK? Yeah.
Yeah! Yeah? Yeah.
Uh Sorry.
Yeah, I'm good.
Uh Um, I'm uh, I'm sorry.
Maybe we should, we should wait.
- [sighs.]
- Sure, um, it's no problem.
- Let's wait then.
- I'm sorry, I just, I, uh, I really, - really like you.
And I - I, I wanna do whatever you wanna do.
OK? For real.
OK.
Uh, cool.
So I don't think I can resist you much longer.
Yeah, me neither.
To be continued? Def-definitely.
Definitely to, to be continued.
I had the best fucking date of my life with you tonight.
Yeah Yeah, me too.
Look, I, I, um, I know this feels kinda shitty, right now, but I mean, tomorrow, we're gonna be so glad that we waited.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
[laughs.]
OK, uh, yeah.
- I'll walk you to your car.
- OK, cool.
[sighs.]
Ready? Mmm-hmm, yeah.
Let's, let's go.
OK.
Fuck tomorrow.
[pop music plays loudly.]