Porn and Ice Cream (2022) s01e07 Episode Script

1
H HIGHLIGHTS
A cell phone video
LIVE
THE CROSSDRESSING SENATOR
in which Senator Sergio Vieira claims
to be a crossdresser went viral.
Crossdressing is my life
It's so hard to repress it
It was a social media explosion,
and the presidential candidate was dubbed
"the crossdressing senator."
This is very serious.
I'll be stripped off my candidacy.
You won't.
We've been through much worse.
Like when it was revealed you don't know
the national anthem, remember?
It's very strange. "See the noble equality
on its throne." What's that?
Can't you see? Can't you see?
This is an opportunity, Sergio.
We'll take advantage of this viral video
and you'll be the candidate of inclusion.
We'll film an advertising spot
where you come out as a crossdresser,
and we'll win the election.
What is it, Dad?
Your little boy who never wanted to play
rugby is now the presidential advisor?
What?
Nothing, Vieira, nothing.
-Turn that off.
-I misplaced the remote.
Crossdressing is my life. it's so hard
To repress it, I just want to confess it
If the senator wants to be a crossdresser,
so be it, but not with our taxes, right?
Besides, Belén, that song
leaves much to be desired.
Yes, horrific, the lyrics are trashy
and the music is unbearable.
-Please, that song is shit.
-My ears hurt, right?
-I can't believe it.
-Well, boys, I mean
We were on TV!
Yes! I can't believe it. Did you see that?
PORN AND ICE CREAM
-Are you expecting Vieira?
-Yes.
We wrote the song.
-What song?
-The crossdressing song.
We're running late for a meeting,
but later we can do photos, interviews
Now. Move, come in. Get moving. Quickly.
I have no comment.
-What's with the bathrobe, Ceci?
-I live here, I wear what I want.
-Carmelita?
-Yes, Miss Ceci.
Tea, coffee, and imported stuff
to Spider's bedroom.
-Right away.
-Thanks.
Spider's bedroom?
We've come for our money.
I made a better deal. Segundo will film
a spot for Vieira's campaign.
Instead of paying us, he'll let us use
the equipment to make a video
for "Crossdresser."
Thank you, you're welcome.
No, but that deal is terrible, Ceci.
I want to get paid.
I know. Segundo gave me champagne,
I was tipsy. Before I realized
That lamp sure is heavy, huh?
They love me. We start filming
tomorrow night. I'd been thinking
Why not make a video
for "Porn and Ice Cream"?
-Yes, that's our hit!
-"Crossdresser" was in the news.
People know it.
Spider's directing it.
We're a couple now.
-No, no way. I direct the videos.
-Do you want to stay like this?
You, living at your folks'
and you, working at Home Warehouse?
-No.
-Yes.
I love Home Warehouse.
Behind that door is the director
who will catapult you to fame.
Do you want to go on like this?
With a strong friendship but no fame?
Your most important activity being
watching porn and eating ice cream? Or
Will you cross that threshold with me
for two or five years of moderate success?
You might fall out eventually
but you'd have had success.
-Moderate success.
-Welcome to moderate success.
Stop, Ceci, close the door!
Hey, close it!
The director is putting his jeans on.
And we finish off with you in drag,
with a RuPaul aesthetic, that vibe,
watching a catwalk,
happily enjoying among the crowd.
I like that,
and it's connected with the lyrics.
-I think it's crap.
-Pablo!
Pablo, Spider studied in New York.
So, he knows his stuff.
-He made a film with artistic nudes
-Exactly.
I admit I fell asleep. I didn't get
the spider scene with the fruit.
-It's a metaphor of a concept
-But he's more experienced.
But it's totally literal. It's the same
content from the lyrics. But worse.
Okay, do you have a better idea?
Yeah, I'm glad you asked.
-Let's hear it, see if it's superior.
-Yeah.
-Okay, I'll tell you all.
-So far, I've just heard criticism.
-If you stop talking, I'll tell you.
-Quiet
Well, it goes like this.
Ramón and I are walking on the same spot,
but in the background,
images change via computer, right?
So, first, we are in prehistory.
And we are playing drums.
Then, the background changes and we're
in the Middle Ages, playing flutes.
Then we're in Napoleonic Era
and we play violins.
Then, the early 20th century,
we play trumpets. We finish in our time,
doing a gig, playing electric guitars,
and a fan goes up to the stage
and kisses me.
On my lips.
Not a bad idea,
it's got its good points.
It's very good, Pablo.
We'll go with either idea, but quickly
because the song is viral now.
I'd like the actress to be this girl,
Carla, she's in a video by Nacho's band.
-I haven't seen it.
-Let's watch it.
It's not necessary.
I've got her on Instagram.
We should see her acting,
if we won't have a casting.
-But the video's terrible.
-Why don't you want us to see it?
-It's a waste of time. Let's move on.
-Look, they stole your idea.
It's exactly the same.
Won't you do anything
about it, Pablo?
Well, the idea doesn't matter,
but I want her to be the actress, okay?
So, we go with my idea?
Yes. I couldn't care less
about the idea, but Carla Carla.
Such blatant plagiarism. Bastards!
Okay, I'll talk. Ask me.
What do you want to know?
-Who are you?
-Will the senator step down?
The song is by a band
that's smashing it in the underground.
The Feeble-Minded.
What else?
The infiltrator in the senator's home,
do you know anything?
What? An infiltrator.
Is the senator a crossdresser?
Yes, the song is called "Crossdresser"
and we're releasing a video soon,
it'll be ace and you'll see it on multiple
platforms, streaming and so on.
Horacio.
Why are you dressed like that?
I'm the manager.
I'm always dressed like this.
-No. You never wear a suit.
-We're being supervised this week.
Our headquarters sent Inspector Gómez,
he is the worst of the lot.
Oh, because I was about to ask you
if I could take this week off.
Tonight, I'll shoot
the video with my band
That's impossible, Ramón.
This week, I need you more than ever.
-What are you looking at, Horacio?
-The inspector.
Turn around, he's behind you.
Look discreetly.
-He's very close.
-He thinks we don't see him.
Go.
Go.
-Go.
-Where?
Run, run.
The other way.
DAY 1
THEY DON'T SEE ME!
Do you want to know who I am?
I am a good person. I am honest.
I am passionate about my work.
I am a father. I am a husband.
And I am
A crossdresser!
No, cut, cut, cut! Cut.
Why do you speak like that?
Why the voice change?
Well, I'm a crossdresser.
-Do you think this is a joke, a sketch?
-No!
-But "Crossdresser!"
-Let's try again.
-Crossdresser!
-Not funny. Again.
-Cross
-No, too camp. Again Act more natural?
-Crossdresser.
-Like that.
-Like that?
-Yes, it's organic. Yeah.
Hold it like that. Let's do it.
-Hello, beautiful. How's your family?
-Very well, thank you.
-Should I tilt my head a bit?
-No.
From the top! Come on!
Take your positions!
Come on, that's it, Vieira.
We're recording.
Action!
Crossdresser.
-Wow, the senator is so nice.
-Isn't he just?
There's nothing sexier than a kind man.
Hi. You're Pablo.
-Carla.
-Yes.
How are you?
How's your family?
My family? Good.
Good, and yours?
Very good. Thanks for asking.
I'm so grateful
that you've accepted to do this video.
-Thanks you for inviting me.
-No, thank you, really.
Aren't you ready? We're starting.
By the way,
he's Spider, the director.
He studied in the US,
and he's very talented.
She's Carla, the actress.
-Hi, Spider.
-Hi, how's it going?
Go to make-up. My dad's spot is
nearly done and we'll start soon after.
Okay, no worries at all.
He hated me, right?
No, he's stressed about the video,
but he is lovely.
Shall we go to make-up?
-Is it that way?
-Yes, I'll go with you.
I've just plugged in my drill.
I was in the mood for putting up
-shelves.
-No, Roxana, stop it.
-I can't go on with this anymore.
-Go on with what?
What's wrong with a few shelves?
No, I've already done
everything you told me.
Now, leave us alone.
We must film the video.
Well, all right, film the videoclip.
Film it. I'll be in my study afterwards.
You could go and And we could
Uh, I don't know Sand the baseboards.
-No!
-Why?
Because we finish filming at six.
And I must be at Home Warehouse by seven.
Okay, well.
Do whatever you need to do.
When you're done,
if you want, I'll be at the garage.
I've just received an electric saw.
It's divine and I must take it apart.
I'll be waiting, if you want.
Or if you can.
Martina.
What did you call me?
Martina Cuartirolo.
I know your name isn't Ceci von Trapp.
-Where did you get that from?
-I looked you up on Facebook.
Some Martina Cuartirolo kept commenting,
"You look so cute. You are thinner."
I looked at her profile
and realized she was also you.
Okay, I've got two accounts.
I comment to boost
my self-esteem, that's all.
You're a fraud.
And you're after Spider's money.
You're so confused. I love Spider.
-I feel he sees things differently.
-We both know Spider's an idiot.
I'll give you two options.
You go without any hassle or I'll tell
the Vieiras that Ceci von Trapp is a lie.
Ceci von Trapp is my artistic name.
Everyone has one.
Do you know what Meryl Streep's
real name is?
No. Tell me.
Actually, Meryl Streep is
It's a real name.
-But do you know Alf's real name?
-Who is he?
-An alien from Melmac.
-I don't know that. I'm 15.
-Fifteen times three. Stop lying.
-I have the Benjamin Button illness.
-I didn't see it. I've heard it sucks.
-Watch it.
It's got pretty cool effects.
And it aged quite well, overall.
And you watch Alf.
Okay.
Okay.
At work, the entire week
I'm Claudio, so pristine
But Thursday nights
I'm known, I'm known as Josephine
Cut, cut, cut. We start from the top.
Ramón is a terrible actor.
This scene won't do.
-But he's not an actor.
-He doesn't need to pull faces, it's easy.
-I won't be able to use this
-Calm down!
Everything will be okay. Calm down.
You're right, sorry,
I got nervous, princess.
Could you forgive me?
Do you know
about an infiltrator in your house?
Sorry.
No, no idea, why?
No reason.
No reason.
You're a great actress.
You were excellent.
Thank you.
That's so nice.
It's easy to be nice
surrounded by people like you.
Ramón, have I ever told you
that I love you loads?
No.
Well, know that I do.
Excuse me.
I need screws to install this partition.
Oh, and no, I would recommend
a different one.
But it's the most expensive one.
Expensive means good quality.
It's the most expensive one,
but it's as bad as the cheapest one.
How so?
You'll buy it and in six months
it'll be in shreds.
Because, actually,
all partitions are shit.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome. Thanks to you.
Ramón.
What are you doing? Are you mad?
How dare you tell the truth?
Sorry, Horacio, I'm just too tired.
-What happened? Didn't you sleep?
-I couldn't. I didn't have time.
Ramón, I need you 100% this week, okay?
Yes, 100%
DAY 2
100%
That was incredible.
Let's do another one.
That was incredible.
Let's do another one.
That was incredible,
but act a little more sensual, okay?
You're acting like a pro.
And
Music.
Action!
I'm fed up with people telling me
"Hey, take off that skirt, you freak"
Words will never break my bones
I know my legs are hot and tone
Cut!
Ramón, buddy, incredible.
-Your acting is spectacular.
-I didn't sleep.
Paul! Do you have a minute?
Of course, all the time you need,
Spider. How can I help?
On the next scene,
where you're dancing
on top of a speaker,
I feel it would be best if Ramón did it,
he is on fire today.
Does that upset you or?
We can talk it out. Because
I think it's a brilliant idea.
I am not upset at all.
Also, I'd like to thank you for your work
because it's incredible.
Could you all stop for a moment and listen
to me? I don't mean to bother you, but
The truth is, I'm so happy
with the work that everyone's doing.
I haven't enough words to express
my gratitude to each one of you.
But above all, I want to thank Spider
for lending us the house, the equipment
and his talent.
-Thank you, dear.
-No, thank you because you're
-As good as gold.
-And you are a master.
What a guy, I mean
If I'd been pulled out from a scene,
I would have lost it. I really admire you.
No, it's nothing, I swear.
If it's for the good of the video,
even better.
Sir?
Thank you, Carmelita.
Carmelita, did you make this delicacy?
It's spectacular.
-Thank you.
-Incredible.
What are you doing, Pablo?
Eating a delicacy. Incredible. Why?
Why are you being nice to people?
You're a horrible, miserable person.
Well, Ramón, people change.
Meet the new Pablo,
who's doing much better.
Or should I be horrible again?
No. But whenever you act like that,
everything ends up badly.
Thanks for your concern,
but I'm doing a lot better like this.
Pablo, I'm making a huge sacrifice here.
Could I ask you not to ruin it all?
True.
Would you be so kind
to give Ramón a round of applause
because he's making
a huge sacrifice to be here?
Stop working, please, and let's give him
a big hand, he deserves it. Please.
Thank you, I won't bother you anymore.
Keep up with your work. Thanks, sorry.
He's a lovely guy, Pablo.
Yes.
This is my chair, Ceci, huh?
Could you
I'm using it, Spider.
I know, but I'm the director
and I must look at the screen comfortably.
I'm using it now! Okay?
Ceci, do you know when we're on?
We've been made up since yesterday.
The actor's job is waiting, okay?
You'll be on shortly.
We're stopping for lunch!
-You scared me!
-What are you doing, Roxana?
What? Don't say you don't like it.
But what is this? What?
Why is this faucet on my belly?
-I don't know
-This is harassment.
Oh, yeah? Please, harassment? You come
to my house, you put on this little dress,
and now it's my fault? You are crazy, huh?
Look, I'm using this on you.
What?
Doesn't do it for me.
I don't understand!
Ramón! I didn't catch that.
I don't understand you.
I think it's
Ramón!
Ramón, what are you doing?
-Sorry, Horacio.
-You must rest at home, I've told you.
Or we'll get fired.
Is there any problem?
No, we were just talking about
how to improve our performance.
Oh, very good.
And what are your conclusions?
-Well
-We should work fewer hours.
No, no, to me,
our 14 hours are amazing. Huh?
I would like to listen to Ramón.
Talk to me.
And, yeah, we need a bigger rest area.
We need lockers for all employees.
And I would get rid
of this maddening piped music
-And I'd play hits from the '80s instead.
-I'm interested.
Tell me, do you have a moment
to talk to me after your shift?
No, I've got to go.
I must film a videoclip with my band.
You have a band. He has a band, he's
an artist. And I see he isn't a sycophant.
I like him. Come, let's talk.
-Can't I sleep a little longer?
-No, I need you now. Come.
Tell me, Ramón.
How do you see yourself
as the manager of this store?
Can't I sleep on it?
Now that I've caught your attention
I'm singing to you this song
I didn't rehearse it too long
Annoying you is not my intention
Now that you sit by my side
I look at you in awe, wide-eyed
You're beautiful and true
But this song is not for you
If I had written it for you
I'd say so many things with finesse
For example, you are a great actress
I'm sure you'll be a success
A thousand things I could stress
Praise, accolades, tributes are due
But this song is not for you
Guys, back to work.
-Ceci, when are we
-I'll be right with you.
They'll never film this thing!
Martina.
Stop that. Respect my artistic name,
for fuck's sake.
"Crazy Little Madmen:
Psychopathy in Early Childhood."
By Eugenia Castro,
my school's psychologist.
Read the page with the bookmark.
"Today Martina arrived in good spirits,
despite the news of her father's escape
"As Interpol is after him.
"She keeps on removing
imaginary lice from her hair."
You're the daughter of Omar Cuartirolo,
a fugitive since 1996.
Interpol's most wanted con artist.
You're a con artist like your father.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Chip off the old
My dad is dead!
-What?
-You've heard me.
He's dead. And yeah,
Interpol was after him, okay?
But when I was ten, they found him
in Morocco and killed him. Happy?
I changed my name because I could
no longer bear his surname, that's all.
-Sorry, I didn't
-Save it, I know you're the infiltrator.
You're 45 and you're dressed
like you're 15. Please.
You spy on the Vieiras,
and that pen is a camera.
You think I wouldn't notice?
Who are you, huh? What's your plan?
Killing the next president? Who sent you?
Are you in the taxi driver cult?
That's it, huh? You're in it.
See? I'm not the infiltrator.
I'm the bodyguard of the Vieira family.
-You keep quiet, and I will, too. Okay?
-Okay.
Are we clear?
Clear as day.
Guys. Last shot.
This shooting has been incredible.
There's this vibe.
And you're the cat's pajamas.
-You're the cat's pajamas.
-You are.
-Don't be silly.
-All right, get ready, okay?
If this goes well, Ceci is over there,
waiting to uncork the champagne.
-Was it for later?
-Well
Get ready anyway.
Let's go, this is it.
Okay.
-Ready?
-Yes.
Ramón, ready?
Ramón.
Ready?
Yes, could you move that lamp
a bit to the right? Yeah?
The light over there
-What is Nacho doing here?
-Are we ready?
Nacho? He's my boyfriend.
He came to pick me up.
Music!
Crossdressing is my life
Crossdressing is my life
And Action!
At work, the entire week
I'm Claudio, so pristine
But Thursday nights
I'm known, I'm known as Josephine
Cross
Cut, cut. Pablo,
you're supposed to laugh here.
Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah
-Five one, take two.
-And, action!
At work, the entire week
I'm Claudio, so pristine
Five one, take 12.
Twenty-seven.
Thirty-two.
Cut, cut, cut.
You're You're not laughing.
-I was laughing.
-You look pretty serious.
-Relax, relax.
-Yes, yes.
-Feel it. Feel it, breathe it.
-Go on, yes.
Ready, everybody? And action!
Cut.
Cut!
-What's wrong?
-You wanted me to laugh? I laughed!
-Not like a psychopath.
-Oh, well, well! You didn't specify!
Specify! Direct me! Director.
What did you study in New York?
Do you want a light-hearted laugh?
Do you want a villain laugh?
Do you want me to laugh like Björk?
Just laugh like
a normal person? Can't you?
I don't know!
What's a normal person?
-Show me!
-Just like a normal person.
-Show me how!
-Pablo, don't be a dick!
Let him show me!
Okay.
To me, that's the laugh of a moronic,
multimillionaire, thoroughly shallow,
spoiled brat!
Okay. Is this the real you?
The fuckwit I met the first day.
-Yeah.
-What was all that?
A farce? Were you pretending? What was it?
A little show? You know what?
You won't have a video, you moron.
No video.
What's wrong with you, Pablo?
He didn't do anything to you.
This was a shitty video anyway.
-We don't need him.
-But we don't have a video! Bravo! Great!
Guys, what's going on?
What's going on? Well, I'll tell y'all
I'll be quick, so that y'all understand.
What happened, in reality,
is that Pablo
Well, he wanted to hook up with Carla
Then he realized that Carla
is dating Nacho, and went back
-to his usual shitty real self.
-Wow, you are a massive idiot.
And Ceci Then, we have Ceci,
who loves money.
She's just barking mad about money.
That's why she started dating Spider.
She's dying to live in this mansion,
and pretend that she's loaded.
And your wife
She has a terribly strange
Home Warehouse fetish.
She took me to a hotel and covered me
with tools. I was so uncomfortable,
-with screw anchors and a monkey wrench!
-We've had three episodes with no plot!
-Episodes?
-Truman Show syndrome.
-She thinks she lives in a TV show.
-I'm going to bed.
Good night.
Ramón, are you crazy?
It was evident, Pablo,
this was bound to go wrong.
You always make sure to ruin everything.
You know what?
I quit the band.
Oh, now that we are a hit,
that everybody knows us!
We aren't a hit, Pablo. Nobody knows us.
Ramón, what the fuck are you doing?
Do you want to ruin my life?
What you do is very wrong, Ceci.
And you? No, sure,
Ramón does everything just right.
I don't do everything right.
But having a band was never my dream.
That's your dream, guys.
My dream is being the manager
of Home Warehouse.
-That's all I want.
-You know what? I'm sick of you both.
I'm fed up. Let's just drop it.
Let's not see each other anymore.
Okay.
But you can't.
You can't leave me on my own, guys.
I'll end up on my own, too, Pablo.
I'm used to being on my own, Pablo.
Ramón!
FILMS
Miss Ceci!
The leftovers from Mr. Vieira's dinner.
Everything is imported.
Thanks a lot, Carmelita.
-What are you doing?
-No. Sorry, I'd thought that
Nothing, nothing.
I imagined things. Sorry, nothing.
Martu!
Dad?
Hello, Martu.
At work, the entire week
I'm Claudio, so pristine
But Thursday nights
I'm known, I'm known as Josephine
Cross, crossdressing is my life
It's so hard to repress it
I just want to confess it
'Cause cross
Crossdressing is my life
It's so hard to repress it
I just want to confess it
'Cause cross
Crossdressing is my life
Crossdressing is my life