Primos (2024) s01e07 Episode Script

1
(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CAT SNARLING)
- (DOGS BARKING)
(SINGING) Hey!
Another day in my old hood
Summer's starting
and it's gonna be so good
Hey, oh, hey!
I was gonna be so cool
Then you all moved in
and got me looking like a fool, again
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
Why you all up in my face
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
Get up out my space
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
You're wearing out my brain
You're driving me insane
Not the roll call again
Cousin Bud, Nacho and Lita
Tere, Tabi and Tonita
Scooter, Lotlot and Gordita
Nachito, ChaCha and Cookita
CHORUS: Yay
TATER: No, come on
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
NARRATOR: Summer of El Patin.
Hmm. Bill. Bill. Bill.
(GASPS) Yes!
My Romancimorphs' Fan Magazine
is finally here.
(WIND GUSTING)
(GASPS) Ooh!
What's this?
Romancimorphs on ice?
My favorite YA romance
fantasy characters are coming to life?
On ice!
Who cares?
I do!
Holding worldwide auditions
for a skate on role in the show!
They are coming here
to the new Hacienda Hills
skating rink!
Wait, didn't that place
used to be a mattress factory?
And a Halloween store before that?
Yeah, and now it's the site
of my newest dream!
I'm going to be an Ice-Tater!
(SCOFFS) Ice-Tater? For real?
Don't you want to be a Rollerblader?
You are paying attention!
And yes!
I've got a new dream!
Even the costumes are better!
Capybara!
No one has ice skills like you, Tater.
No one.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
AUDIENCE: (CHANTING)
Ice-Tater! Ice-Tater!
Ice-Tater! Ice-Tater!
Ice-Tater! Ice-Tater!
You poor, delusional person.
You just wait.
I'm gonna nab that skate on roll,
for sure.
I can't wait to hit the ice!
This was easier in my head.
(EXCLAIMING)
Cuidado, Tater.
Hey, I'm skating here!
(ANNOUNCER SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
a mystery on ice,
El Patin!
(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING) La Mascara is all I need
It gives me grace
It gives me power
It gives me all this speed
La Mascara is in control
It lets me spin, it lets me fly
It makes me go, go, go
I am the star you've never seen
(VOCALIZING)
Don't ever look behind the screen
El Patin
El Patin
I'm not shy or reserved
I'm a spotlight seeking fiend
El Patin
El Patin
When I step on the ice
All the fans can't help
but scream for me
El Patin
Hmm, if that Patin guy
gave me a few lessons,
the Romancimorphs on Ice role
is as good as mine!
Boo-yah Ahhh!
Hey, who's that protein guy?
El Patin is amazing!
Pero, too bad. No one knows who he is.
No one's been able
to track El Patin down
- because he just
- Disappears!
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
No one's been able
to track down El Patin, eh?
Challenge accepted.
Whoa!
(GIGGLES)
Here comes Tater
Good thing I came prepared.
(SCREAMING)
I got you now!
Doh! He was too fast!
Or was he?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMING)
It's his flesh!
Oh, it's fake.
El Patin skates with fake muscles?
(SNIFFS) Fake muscles that smell like
Buela's fabric softener?
(GASPS)
El Patin is Buela!
(WHISTLING)
Lo siento, Buela, no outside food.
This food was made inside.
(GROANS)
This calls for
a professional bloodhound.
(SNIFFING AND PANTING)
Go get 'em, girl!
(SNIFFING)
Nice job, Cha-dog.
Here, girl! Here's a cookie.
Hmm.
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
Scooter!
You're El Patin!
(WHIMPERS)
Um
I can still see you.
Which is weird because I feel like
I've barely seen you this summer.
Have you been avoiding me?
No, Tater, I've just been
coming here a lot and I
Didn't want anyone to know.
Why? You're such a good skater.
Don't you want to show off?
- I would.
- It's hard to explain.
I do want to skate for an audience,
but I'm scared to have
all those eyes judging me.
But when I put on the mask,
I'm not Scooter anymore.
I'm El Patin.
He's fearless and skates
the way I never could.
You won't tell our primos, right?
No one else can find out. Nunca.
Your secret's safe with me.
Thanks, Tater.
I wish there was something
I could do for you.
Well, I do really need
some skating lessons.
And an audition partner
for Romancimorphs on ice.
Will you please help me?
How about El Patin? Is he available?
Okay, okay.
If I keep my mask on
and you keep my secret,
I'll help you with your audition.
- (SPEAKING SPANISH)
- Deal! I mean, trato!
First, let's work on your entrance.
Just remember, trust the ice.
Trust me.
I know how to make an entrance.
(GROANS IN PAIN)
Uh, watch the toe pick.
Let's try my favorite move.
The Tornado Twizzle.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
That looks easy enough.
- (SCREAMING)
- (THUDS)
Okay. Your job here is to stay in form
and not move.
That I can do.
Maybe I'm not cut out for this.
You'll get there, Tater.
You just gotta keep at it
- and trust the ice.
- Trust the ice.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, your hankie
even matches your costume.
I used the same material for it.
Wait. You make your own costumes?
They look so professional.
Scooter, how come I didn't know
you were so talented?
I keep my talents to myself.
You should share your talents
with everyone.
Maybe I could start by making
a costume for you, too?
Would you really?
It would give me that extra edge.
On ice!
Behold my glorious mask!
Um, why don't I finish it for you?
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
ANNOUNCER: And now for our main event,
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Introducing
(SNARLS)
ANNOUNCER: Night Fang Martinez!
Now, that's an entrance!
SCOOTER: Yeah.
Now let's work on your entrance.
Make way for the Ice Tater!
Ice Tater! Ice Tater!
- Trust
- The ice.
I'm skating!
You're ready, Ice Tater.
That's me!
I'm actually doing all the moves!
SCOOTER: Go, Tater, go!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I'm good!
(EXCLAIMS)
Two of my favorite Romancimorphs
are the judges!
ANNOUNCER: And next up, Ice Tater
and her partner, El Patin!
You ready?
Let's bring the pain!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Romancimorphs, here I come!
Huh? (EXCLAIMS)
Huh? (GASPS)
Scooter's El Patin!
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(WHIMPERING)
Scooter, we have to keep going.
I can't.
Come on.
We've got to help our primito!
ALL: (CHANTING) Scooter!
Scooter! Scooter! Scooter!
You don't need El Patin to do this.
You're spectacular,
with or without your mask.
Just trust the ice.
Let's finish this.
Ow!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
We did it!
Yes!
ANNOUNCER: Increíble!
But the judges urge the Ice Tater
to read the fine print on the flyer!
What?
The role is for kids 16 and up?
That means I can totally get the role
when I'm 16.
Wow, little bro, you were sick.
Ah, you too, Small Fry.
Can we come skate with you,
too, hermano?
Tater!
I may have taught you
how to master the ice,
but you helped me master my fear.
I can't believe I skated like that.
Me, not El Patin.
Well, he's great and all
but to be honest,
I'd rather hang out with you.
Race you to the snack stand.
That is, if you can keep up!
You're on!
(GRUNTING) Come on!
Buela?
My Scooter gets the best moves from me!
(LAUGHING)
NARRATOR: Summer of Chisme.
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
What are the T-Sisters gossiping about?
Ugh, curse my inability to read lips!
- Tater!
- (EXCLAIMS)
What new final form
are we trying out today?
You wanna be a cowboy? A diver?
An intergalactic space explorer?
With a laser arm!
Not now, Vision Tiger.
I need to get in on this
hot tea being spilled.
(T-SISTERS LAUGHING)
Hot tea!
Hmm, looks like ice tea to me.
No! I mean hot, juicy gossip.
I hate not knowing what it is.
It makes me all itchy.
Is gossip really more important
than figuring out your final form?
(GASPS) Maybe it's part
of my final form.
Vision Tiger, you're a genius!
Am I?
Maybe my destiny is to become
a hard hitting journalist.
Like the ones on Buela's favorite show!
Welcome to Primer Tater!
Tater reporting live in
the eye of Hurricane Nellie.
Per usual, she is raining
on everyone's parade.
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
(THUNDER CLAPS)
Back to you in the studio. Whoa!
- Thank you, Tater.
- Thank you, Tater.
No, thank you, Tater.
Next up, Tater Tattle.
Cousin Bud, spotted using
a plastic bag at the store.
Environmentalist or environmental miss?
He's busted.
(CHUCKLES)
I just need practice gathering intel.
Ta-da!
Does this say,
hard-hitting journalist to you?
I know what it doesn't say.
It doesn't say girl working
hard on her final form
(GRUNTING)
(MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)
Ouch!
Rose bush
(GIGGLING)
Curse my big but ineffective ears!
They're speaking in code.
Oh, wait, no, it's
Spanish, Spanish, Spanish.
Spanish, Spanish, Spanish.
Spanish, Spanish, Spanish.
Ugh, I need a dictionary.
Or a translator!
Ooh, this is a big one, Tater.
- Big, big?
- Tear the family apart big.
You can tell me, Nachito.
As a future journalist,
I will be 100 percent unbiased.
Tonita said she woke up early
at Buela's house,
and saw her sneaking in
store bought tortillas!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
No!
What was that?
What's going on here?
We're spying
on your tea party, and I'm translating.
Tater promised me cookies.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Well, actually, I was just practicing
for my future
as a hard hitting journalist.
- Oh, that explains the outfit.
- Does it?
Sorry, Tater, but our
tea parties are private.
We have sources to protect.
Of course. So do journalists,
I hear.
It's just you always have the juiciest
intel way before anyone else.
I don't know how you do it.
Aw, thanks, Tater.
It's practically a full time job
on top of our cheer schedule.
Well, I'm not doing
anything important right now.
(GROANING)
Why don't I help you
with the goss gathering?
If I can join
your tea parties,
I promise I'll never show up
empty handed.
You mean quid pro quo?
Uh, si. My Spanish is rusty.
T-SISTERS: Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Deal. All you have to do
is bring us a fresh piece of chisme
that we don't already know.
Wait, cheese or gossip?
Chisme means gossip.
Cookie, please.
Yum, yum, yum.
Hello, diary,
I am so glad I didn't listen
to holographic Vision Tiger.
Hey!
Because my future
has never been clearer.
All I need to get started
is a fresh morsel of gossip.
And look at all those morsels.
Welcome back
to the T-Primas' Tattle Time.
Hot takes, even hotter tea.
Don't burn your tongue.
(SLURPING)
Ah!
Not on the blazer!
(GROANING)
Ah, the true mark
of journalistic integrity.
Sneaking.
I know, right?
(GRUNTING)
(HUMMING)
Four o'clock.
Suspicious Big Nacho activity.
But what rhymes with shiny hair?
Bear? Scare? Underwear?
- Always care. Perfect.
- (GASPS)
Sincerely
Uh, no, wait.
It's time for besitos, Ignacio.
(GASPS) Evidence!
I always wanted to do this.
Querida
Carmela.
(GASPS)
Is this a love letter?
Boom!
Get ready to spit out your tea, ladies,
'cause this goss is hot!
(T-SISTERS EXCLAIMING)
(MOUTHFUL) We're ready.
Our big tough, Big Nacho has a
Wait for it
Romantic pen pal!
Hmm?
I get it. You're all in shock.
I'll give you a sec.
Sorry, Tater, but Big Nacho's
long distance romance is old news.
We know Carmela
better than Big Nacho does.
What? How?
We have our ways.
Try again, Tater.
(TATER WHIMPERS)
(HUMMING)
Four-thirty.
Suspicious Lotlot activity.
She's cooking
A human head?
No, wait.
That's a cake.
In the shape of a human?
What's that, Frankie?
You want my name piped
across your broad chest
in butter cream
or Swiss meringue?
(PANTING)
Lotlot. Baking.
Cake boyfriend.
Buttercream.
Oh, yeah. Lotlot lot has
a whole bakery of boyfriends.
- It's her hobby.
- She's really good at it, too.
- Edgar was delicious.
- Mmm-hmm.
(GROANS IN FRUSTRATION)
There you go. Yes, yes!
Yeah, see? Then you just wait
for the candy to spill out.
Oh!
(SCREAMS)
I got my chisme!
You know how Nachito loves pinatas?
Guess what? He's never
actually broken one open!
Even with the
(YAWNS) Yeah,
we knew that already.
No worries. I have a backup.
(CLEARS THROAT) Lita has
the garage possum tattooed on her back!
Tattooed!
- (BLOWS RASPBERRY) It's just temporary.
- Heh?
All the Primos got it
from the street carnival last week.
You did that without me?
Do I miss out on everything?
(PANTING)
I'm parched.
Need some sweet
Refreshing
Tea
(SLURPING)
(GULPING)
Don't you think you're being
just a tad extra?
Oh, I'll show you extra.
Extra! Extra!
Read all about it!
If I can't find gossip,
I'll just make up my own.
So, you're going to lie?
It's for the greater good.
Sounds more like the Tater-good.
Ooh, nice one.
I'm gonna write that down.
(SNORING)
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
TATER: Ooh, he's talking in code.
(CONTINUES SPEAKING
IN SPANISH)
No, just Spanish again.
But that gives me an idea.
Agent Guapo.
Oh, yeah, that's good.
Journalistic integrity, hmm?
Not now, Vision Tiger.
You can't shut out
your conscience, Tater.
Watch me.
VISION TIGER: (MUFFLED)
Oh, that smarts!
As you can see,
all evidence points to Pop
being not just our grandpa,
but also
a former secret agent.
By the code name El Guapo,
which as you and I know
means El Handsome.
(T-SISTERS EXCLAIMING)
Impressive, right?
Well, these visual aids are nice.
Yeah, you went all in on this.
Ugh! (SPITS)
But we know fake gold
when we see it.
A for effort.
(GROANS)
Got anything else?
There isn't anything else
or anyone else to spy on.
Except, I guess
Me?
- (T-SISTERS GASPING)
- Yes, yes, yes!
Oh, yeah. You got a whole
diary full of chisme!
- Um
- You're gonna let us read it?
You can totally come
to our parties then, Tater.
T-SISTERS:
Chisme! Chisme! Chisme!
Chisme! Chisme!
Chisme!
(WHIMPERS)
Tater, no.
Don't sell us out like this.
Um, could I have a second?
T-SISTERS: Yeah. Sure.
Vision Tiger, I have to do this
or I'll never get invited
to those tea parties.
Oh, so that's what this is really about.
FOMO.
You know, I don't know Spanish!
Oh, silly Tater,
FOMO means Fear Of Missing Out.
But is it the gossip
you're afraid of missing out on
or just your cousins?
I think it's the second one.
Which is weird. I'm always trying
to get away from my cousins.
I also don't want to be left out.
And we have a breakthrough.
Thanks, Vision Tiger.
And don't worry,
I won't sell us out.
Our secrets are safe with me.
(PURRING)
T-SISTERS: Aw!
That was so sweet!
You guys heard all that?
Well, yeah. You were just standing there
talking to your diary.
Oh, we've seen you do
way weirder stuff.
Uh, uh Cool.
You know, Tater,
you should've just told us
from the start
that you wanted to hang out.
But what about squid pro?
I mean, quo, quo, quo?
I mean, I don't have
anything to trade.
I don't know. Your photo
editing skills are pretty impressive.
Think you could take a look
at our headshots
over tea?
(T-SISTERS CHUCKLING)
(SNORING)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Welcome home, Agent Guapo.
(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)