Rel (2018) s01e07 Episode Script

1 Okay.
You want to live with me, you eat when I eat.
Man, afterwards, we can get some leftovers, go home and watch this documentary on the '70s gas crisis.
Wait.
Didn't we just watch that? No, no, no, man, that was a documentary on the '70s calculator craze.
That was a game changer.
Americans didn't have to use their brains anymore.
Well, actually, I got a date tonight.
Oh.
Well, go ahead, invite her by.
Matter of fact, why don't you call up Rel? Everybody can come by.
We do not get together enough as a family, man.
Dad, we just watched the Bulls game two nights ago.
You're gonna miss these moments when I'm gone.
I'll be out the house, walking around naked, don't even know my own name, can't find my way back home.
Hey, here comes the chef.
Cool.
Konnichiwa.
(UTENSILS CLINKING MUSICALLY) (DAD LAUGHS) All right, we're gonna start with the vegetables, okay? Look at these vegetables Oh, look at that.
(LAUGHING): Oh, look at that.
Choo-choo! Chooga-chugga, chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga (LAUGHTER) Oh, and I'm about and I'm gonna throw it over there.
You ready? Here we go.
Uh (CLEARS THROAT) Give me give me, give me one second.
Damn it, Harold! What is wrong with you?! Okay, it's just a shrimp tail! It should be thrown in the bowl! Why did you use your left hand? You're right-handed! Also, you're not supposed to use the Japanese accent.
They've told you a hundred times that it's racist, and it makes everybody at work feel uncomfortable.
You don't want them to start talking jive, do you? Do you?! Ah, there.
(LAUGHS) You know what I mean? All right, what are we gonna do? We're gonna get these eggs going, right? Oh.
(CHUCKLES) Egg time.
- Egg time.
Ooh! - (DAD AND HAROLD LAUGH) Aah! (LAUGHING): One second, I'll be right back.
You idiot! You don't know how to break a freaking egg?! Now you got yolk on your hand! Damn it! Stop it, Harold! Uh, hi.
(LAUGHS) You know, this (LAUGHS) Look, guys, I'll-I'll level with you.
I don't have a Japanese accent.
- I don't know if you knew that.
- Yeah.
I'm an ordinary African-American man named Harold.
(SIGHS) Guys, look, this is my first day.
I just really wanted to impress you guys.
I've been training all week, and, you know, my family's usually disappointed! (SCREAMING) Why did you put your hands on the grill, you idiot?! This how we do it in the Chi On the West Side Where we always keep it tippin' Man, that ain't no lie Oh, oh, oh.
All right, Terry, Erica, look, I love helping you with your homework on FaceTime and everything, but this new math is a little confusing, so do me a favor.
Everything I told you, ask your mama if it's right.
A'ight? Okay, I love y'all.
Aw.
Bye.
Ooh.
All right, let's see here.
Today It says here you got hypoglycemia, hypertension.
Wow.
You're what we call in the medical community a "hype man.
" (LAUGHS) Oh, great, another Patch Adams up in this bitch.
You know, with that attitude, you're not gonna get a lollipop.
(LAUGHS) I'm kidding.
I got you right here, brother.
There we go.
(LAUGHS) Okay, you ain't gonna have it.
It's all good.
Well, Mr.
Nickels Wait.
Grady Nickels.
Were you in a band called The Dragons? Oh.
You a fan, huh? Uh, I mean, sort of.
Look, my dad was in The Dragons.
He played the bass.
Milton's son became a doctor.
Not exactly.
I mean, I'm a nurse.
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
That sounds more like it.
I don't know what that means, but you know something? I think Dad'll be really excited to know that you're here, you know what I mean? So, I'm gonna give him a call.
This is what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna be like, "Hey, Dad.
Who's in this hospital? You ain't gonna believe it.
" And then you're gonna just start singing.
(LAUGHS) Oh, this is gonna be beautiful.
One of us gonna cry.
It's probably gonna be me.
I never want to talk to that bastard again.
I mean, you could've just said that.
You didn't have to knock my phone down.
REL: I didn't realize Dad was hated so much by somebody that they would break my phone to get back at him.
And damn it, I forgot to get their insurance.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wasn't Nickels the front man in the band's publicity photos? He was the one going like this, right? No, no, no.
See, you got that all wrong.
That-that was Mitchell, okay? Nickels was the one like this.
You know, he did the the sleepy, sexy pose.
NAT: Oh.
Mm-hmm.
So, what pose did y'all dad do? - Oh.
- Oh.
Oh, no, see, he would He was cool about it, right? He was on a lamp lamppost like this.
He had his his legs crossed, he had his bass in his hand, he did this.
So what do you think happened between Dad and Nickels, anyway? I'm guessing somebody stole somebody's woman or their TV.
'Cause those are the only two things guys care about.
Bitches and flat-screens.
Prove me wrong.
Do you always listen to people's conversations? Yes, all the time, unless they're boring.
But y'all problems are so good, though.
Look, I don't really get it, myself, too, 'cause I-I thought they were all still cool.
Maybe just lost touch with each other.
You know, you know, life happens.
Look, it seems like Dad has lost touch with all of his friends.
I mean, I love him, but I'm running out of documentaries to watch.
I feel like I'm wasting my 20s being 60.
REL: Hey, you know something? Dad always texting me at work, "What's up?" And then, if, like if he calls me, I don't answer, then he FaceTime me.
The one thing I hate about FaceTiming Dad he's real close to the phone.
Why do old people be so close to the phone - when they're FaceTiming? - Oh.
And plus, Dad is so needy.
You know what I'm saying? Man, for the first time, Britt, I'm actually jealous that your dad abandoned you.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, Nat.
I'll try to remember that the next time I'm at a movie with a guy, and he goes to get the popcorn, and I assume he ain't coming back.
You know what you should do? Go to one of those theaters where you order the popcorn from your seat, and they bring it to you.
That'll keep his ass in that seat.
That actually ain't a bad idea.
- So really, what should we do? - REL: Look, we know how Nickels feel about Dad, but we don't know how Dad feel about Nickels.
Look, I don't know.
Maybe we should do what he did to us when we fought.
Take off his belt and light our asses up? No, no, no, the other thing.
Okay, when, you know, he would lock us up in a room and make us talk until we made up.
Maybe we get both of them in the same room, and all those old memories start coming up, they'll stop beefing.
Only thing about that is, we just got to figure out a way to get Dad to see Nickels in the hospital.
Leave that to me.
Oh, I know this is gonna be good.
Man, I can't believe Scottie Pippen is getting his appendix taken out.
(CHUCKLES) - Thanks, Nat.
- I knew you'd want to come here.
You're the biggest Scottie Pippen fan I know.
- (CHUCKLES) - I know, man.
Uh, get that off of you.
I got a surprise for you.
- I'm all better? - (SCOFFS) No.
But, I got a non-medical surprise for you.
You got a visitor.
My estranged wife? No.
My estranged daughter? No, but damn, man, how many estranged people you got in your life? Scottie Pippen, it's such an hon, Nickels? You ain't Scottie Pippen.
What's going on, Rel? Hear me out.
Nickels.
This is your homeboy.
And it's you here.
You know, I figured, you know, I don't know what happened, 'cause I wasn't really born when you know, with you guys, years ago.
And I was like, "Okay, maybe I should do a good thing, "'cause they used to be bandmates and friends.
"How about I get them together, right, and have them talk and figure some things out?" So, what me and Nat gonna do we gonna leave and let y'all do your thing, a'ight? - Son of a bitch! - Dirty bastard! - Hey! Hey! Wait, wait, wait! - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Wait! Hey! - What? Oh, wait! Hey! Hey! You bring a man here I hate in a room I can't leave?! Man, I don't care about Pull the plug, Rel! Pull the plug! - What.
Wait.
What? What plug? - Pull the plug, Rel! Wait.
Dad, it's a phone charger.
I don't care! Pull it! He can't call nobody.
Give me my ball back! Man, that fight was crazy.
Look, I know Dad was trying to hurt Nickels, but when I talked to the doctor, he said that the physical stimulation actually improved his overall heart function.
Nah, man, you don't fight like that if all you did was lose touch with somebody.
There's something Dad's not telling us.
He ain't tell us Nickels was this fine.
(CHUCKLES) Okay, slow down, slow down, Britt, okay? That was 30 years ago.
Look, I looked at his X-rays, okay? He look like Donald Glover on the outside, but inside, he's Danny Glover.
Look, Rel, I love an old hot guy.
He's still got the confidence of a young hot guy, just without the options.
You know what a man like that gets as he grows older? Sick.
The man is in a hospital bed.
No.
Perspective.
Look, they realize they can't treat women like they used to, right? So they up their game.
If I want a man that's gonna make me the center of his life, I'm-a choose a man that ain't got that much life left.
Hmm.
I mean, you make a good point, but damn.
You owe me Scottie Pippen's autograph.
And don't come home till you get it.
Hi, Dad.
Quick question.
What was that fight with Nickels all about? All right, you want the truth? I'll tell you the truth.
Back in the day, Nickels tried to hook up with your mom.
It was before one of our big shows.
I saw him talking to her with my own eyes.
Then when I confronted him about it, you know, he got mad and kicked me out the band.
Pretty bastard think everything belong to him.
Wait, but-but Mom wouldn't hook up with Nickels, right? No, no.
We had a loyal and loving relationship.
It's about Nickels crossing that unforgivable line.
You know what I'm talking about.
All right, it makes sense.
I get why you would be upset, but, you know, that flirtation happened, like, decades ago.
You still would hold on to a grudge like that? Yes.
A good grudge will keep you young and vital.
Listen, Dad, living with you, I've noticed that you don't have that many friends or a friend at all.
Uh, wouldn't it be nice - if you just had somebody - DAD: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I know you not calling me lonely.
Mr.
Go on a Fake Date.
Ain't no girl come by the house yet.
I choose to be by myself, just like I choose to go down to the bar and read a newspaper.
By myself.
By choice.
I can't believe all this happened because Nickels flirted with Mom.
It's not.
Look Nickels flirts with your mother, and your dad is the one to get kicked out? Story don't add up.
Your father lying.
So if y'all want them to be friends again, you're gonna have to find out what really happened.
(EXHALES) Brittany's got a point.
All right, Nat.
We got to go down here and holler at Nickels.
W-Wait, I should come, too.
(CHUCKLES) I could probably raise his spirits.
- Hey, Mr.
Nickels.
- Hey.
How you doing, man? Uh, how you feeling? - Good, except I got this pain in my - Oh, oh, okay.
I didn't really mean it.
I'm off the clock.
(CHUCKLES) But I did have a question for you.
Why did you kick my dad out of The Dragons? (CHUCKLES): Okay, before we get into all of that, though, I just want to say I'm Brittany.
And I'm Grady Nickels.
And you can call me all day and all of the night.
Look at you.
So wise, so sexy, so sick.
Brittany, okay, come on, now.
(MOUTHS) Look, we want to know what happened with The Dragons.
Did you really hook up with our mom? Is that what that jackass told you? That's not even remotely what happened.
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING) It was a warm, funky Saturday afternoon in 1979.
It was Soul Battle, Chicago's biggest and only TV band competition show.
The Dragons were on live TV, and if we won, we would've been the opening act for Rick James on the East Coast leg of his tour.
Now, your dad did see me talking to your mom, but I wasn't coming on to her.
I got too much respect for her to do that.
Although I was known as a bit of a ladies' man back in the day.
I can see that.
(CHUCKLES) Okay, okay, Brittany, would you slow down? Stop being so thirsty and let the man finish his story.
But your dad was convinced he saw what he saw, so he brought his anger onto stage.
I started to do my locally famous Dragon Hip Dip with the Soul Battle Girls.
And that's when it happened.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) How you like that now, pretty bastard? Huh? Who got the hip moves now? Go on.
I don't need none of y'all.
Go on.
So, that was the last time that your father and I spoke.
Until the other day when we tried to choke each other.
Okay, look, my dad says one thing, and then you say another thing.
Look, one of y'all lying.
- Hey, Nickels, you up? - Yes.
Come on in, man.
Perfect timing.
Ask them.
Hey, these are Milton's sons.
(CHUCKLES): Wait, so you guys are the These are the other three Dragons.
I'm Mitchell.
White Steve.
Regular Steve.
You all aged so well.
Can I be in the band? (BRITTANY AND REGULAR STEVE CHUCKLE) - Brittany.
- What, damn it? I'm single.
REL: Look, guys.
I just need a few answers, for real.
Now, which one of them is the reason why The Dragons It's your daddy's fault.
100% your dad.
Oh, your dad, man.
He sucks.
Okay, Dad look, we talked to the Dragons.
And they told us the reason why you was kicked out the group.
It wasn't for confronting Nickels.
They kicked you out because you acted really crazy onstage and ruined their chances of opening up for Rick James.
I tried to spare you the details, man.
I'm a grown-ass man, so I did what I had to do.
He also let us know that he didn't come on to Mom like that.
So why you ain't just ask Mom what happened? I did ask her, all right? - When we got home.
- And what'd she say? She said I was mistaken and I owed Nickels an apology.
But you know what? I said, "What's done is done.
" And then I slept on the couch for a week.
So why won't you just apologize? Look, man, I just fought with my friend on live TV.
Yeah, I-I was in too deep.
Hate to be real with you, Dad, but that's just being petty.
Look, Dad, you taught us, right, you taught us to own up to our mistakes.
The way Shannon left, I had to take a look at myself in the mirror, right? And own up to the things I did.
And I had to ask myself, "What did you do? And what you gonna do to make it better?" Now, look, I'm not trying to be disrespectful, Dad, but you need to do the same thing.
Oh, you going right past disrespectful.
You're on your way to insulting, okay? Dad, you got four guys that you got history with.
And life is short.
And you'll be sorry if you don't take this chance to reconnect with them.
Look, I-I wish I could go back and make things different.
- But it's too late.
- NAT: Well, Pop it might not be too late.
Oh, what the hell is going on? Come on in, fellas.
DAD: Nickels? You're out the hospital already? I thought you were sick.
We took care of that.
(CHUCKLES) I'm-a have a stent put in my heart tomorrow.
And because nothing is guaranteed, I figured I'd give you a chance to apologize, because I was never flirting with your girl.
I was only telling her how great of a man she has.
Look, a part of me wishes I hadn't attacked you on live TV and, uh, destroyed the band.
And, uh um I'm-I'm sorry.
It was okay.
It was only our career.
And I can understand why you might have thought I was flirting with your girl since I did sleep with everybody else's girl.
And Regular Steve's mom.
Oh, it's cool.
He asked first.
REL: Okay, now, look, this is all kind of weird, this whole situation, but I am happy to see The Dragons back together again.
Well (CHUCKLES) we're really not back together unless - One, two, three.
- ALL: Dragons! - (WHOOPS) - (LAUGHS) Yeah, it's gonna be funky.
This is a little song I wrote for all my many special ladies.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know who you are, even if I don't.
(LAUGHTER) It's called "Sneaky Freaky.
" ("SNEAKY FREAKY" PLAYING) Just because you wear a ring It don't mean a thing When your man is going solo Me and you put on our own show And nobody needs to know We're gettin' sneaky freaky, ow We're gettin' sneaky freaky, ow Look, would it make y'all uncomfortable if I threw my panties on stage? Hey, look, I don't know if you know this, but I'm actually with the band, you know what I mean? (CHUCKLES): I'm the videographer.
Ooh, okay.
Ow, we're gettin' sneaky freaky Ow We're gettin' sneaky freaky Ow, we're gettin' sneaky freaky Ow Sneaky, sneaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky, sneaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky, sneaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky, sneaky, freaky, freaky We're gettin' sneaky freaky.
(CHEERING) Cheers, my brother.
I'm glad you're feeling better.
Yeah, man.
Your son said take it easy on the sodium, but he ain't here.
Harold, double soy sauce.
(HAROLD LAUGHS) You hear that, Harold? They love you, man.
(LAUGHS) You are the man.
That's right.
Here we go.
(LAUGHS) Yes! You said double soy sauce, I got you.
(LAUGHS) I'm gonna double the soy sauce.
We're gonna get this shrimp started.
All right, I'm about to do this trick here, and I hope y'all are ready.
This is my famous shrimp toss.
You ready? No look.
MAN: Come on, now.
Come on.
MAN: Come on, now.
WOMAN: Sing it! WOMAN: That's our girl.
(CHEERING)