Rescue Me s01e07 Episode Script
Butterfly
Hey, Sean, spot me, buddy.
Yeah, Yeah.
Jesus Christ, look at you.
What, you been working out like crazy? What's going on? Well, firefighter calendar shoots next week.
You're doing that thing again? Yeah.
Fourth year in a row.
They want me so bad, they let me pick my own month.
- Really? - Yeah.
I don't know, man.
That always seemed a little gay.
What? Are you kidding? You get one month in that calendar, you're looking at a whole year of ass.
Come on.
I'm telling you.
They come at me in waves.
So you think I can get in it? Into what, the calendar? You just said it was gay.
Well, yeah, but maybe it's gay in a good way.
Yeah, the kind of gay that gets you straight sex.
Yeah, it is.
I'll put in a good word.
Little late in the day, but I'll see what I can do.
Whatever.
No big deal.
- Hey, you guys see Tommy yet? - No.
Not yet, chief.
Maybe he's outside talking to another dead girl.
Excuse me? What, I'm the only one that thought that was weird? Yeah, come on, chief.
It was a little creepy.
You don't think Tommy's cracking up a bit? Listen, you two, that was one incident.
Look, chief-- I got nothing but love for Tommy.
He's a great guy, he's our brother, but that does nothing to change the fact that he had a very long, very animated chat with a very dead little girl.
It doesn't take a shrink, you know what I'm saying? And that's none of your business, Rivera, huh? Yeah, okay.
Well, uh, how about when he flips out in the middle of our next big fire, and I wind up dead? Is it my business then? Just tell him I was looking for him, huh? Yeah, all right, chief.
Jesus, I don't want to be an asshole, but-- Hey, look, don't sweat it.
I get it.
- Let's go again, yeah? - Yeah.
Tour starts at 9:00, Tommy, not quarter to 10.
I'm sorry, man.
This isn't about you and me.
George had to be at his kids' school this morning.
He hung on for 45 minutes, but you didn't even call.
I'm sorry.
It won't happen again, man.
Okay? I'm sorry.
What's going on with you? I just-- Uh I need more vacation time.
I already ate my regular vacation days up.
I-- I don't know.
Do you ever think about going downtown? What do you mean? There's a guy downtown.
He's some sort of a shrink, I guess.
You go down and tell him you feel a little shaky, about to crack up, boom, two weeks.
- Two weeks? Wow.
- Yeah.
I mean, I did it myself.
- You were feeling a little, uh--? - No, no, no.
My wife wanted to go on some New England foliage thing, you know, with the leaves and that shit.
It was the only way I could get the time off.
What would I say, you know? You make something up.
I mean, you go down there and tell him you-- You can't sleep, you got the shakes.
Right.
I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Even if you don't get time off, at least you get to talk to somebody, if you need to talk to somebody.
Who says I need to talk to somebody? I'm just saying If you need to talk to somebody.
I'll think about it.
Thanks.
Yeah.
BUTTERFLY Jesus.
Hey.
- Whoa, whoa.
- I'm sorry.
Hey, Steve.
Hey, Tommy.
What's going on, man? Not much, man.
I'm just working.
- How you been? - Pretty good.
- Oh, you're down here now.
- Yeah.
Wow.
I barely even recognized you in the suit and the tie.
Yeah, I thought I was gonna get out of the department after my accident, but no such luck, you know? They hooked me back in.
Desk job.
Putting out different kinds of fires now.
- Yeah.
- What you doing down here? Um I'm, uh Me and the guys-- You remember Vito Costello from my house? - Died 9/11.
- Yeah.
Me and the guys are, uh-- We're trying to get a, uh, a jogging path named after him.
- Yeah, I remember Vito.
- Yeah.
He was-- He was a huge jogger.
Well, listen, uh why don't you give it to me? I'll just push it right through.
Well, the thing is, I promised his-- His widow that-- It's no problem.
I can push it right through for you.
I'll push it right through-- Hey, Tommy.
How you doing, man? - Good to see you.
- What's going on? This is a health form, Tommy.
You know what? The guys knew I was coming down-- it's like a joke.
Oh, listen, it's no problem.
I don't need a petition.
I'll push it through by the end of the week.
Yeah? That'd be great.
That'd be huge.
Hey, it's for Vito, right? - That's right.
- I'll take care of it.
- I'll call you.
- Thanks, man.
All right.
Take it easy, Tommy.
- Thanks.
- All right.
See you.
Next! Next! - Gavin, 62nd truck.
- Ahem.
Yeah.
What seems to be the problem? Well, uh-- been, uh Been having some trouble sleeping.
That's it? Um, some other, uh you know, kind of Shh.
Gotcha.
I think you're okay for full duty.
Just take these, check back with me in a month.
Direction and dosages will be on the bottle.
That-- That's it? You want to talk or something? No.
Nah.
No, I'm good.
You're not seeing dead people, are you? No.
Because word's gotten out, you see dead people, you're in for an automatic two-week vacation.
I got three, four guys a week coming in here seeing dead people.
I-- I-- I just thought maybe I could use, you know A couple weeks off, that's all.
Try the pills first.
Okay.
Um, here's the thing.
I can't, uh I can't really read these.
You can't sleep, right? Right.
Depressed? Uh, yeah.
What's that one? Can't get it up? Oh, no, no.
I don't have that problem.
Oh, sorry.
Okay.
Well, you know You never know.
Thanks, doc.
Hey, you drink? Um not really.
Well, don't take that stuff with booze.
It won't be good.
Next! Okay.
Hey, Rog.
How's it going? Asshole.
Look, I told you I didn't want to see you.
Why are you here? Because this is bullshit, babe! Come on.
We were going along just fine.
Until you had a bunch of friends beat up my ex-husband.
First of all, I had nothing to do with that.
And second, it wasn't a bunch, it was three guys.
Hello.
Oh, hey, sorry.
I didn't know you had company.
He knew.
He saw me pull up.
You know what? I didn't come to start a fight.
What do you want? I got that part for the sink.
Wanted to make sure it works.
- Now's not a good time.
- Two seconds.
Oh, you're so innocent.
- Mr.
Nice Guy.
- What? Tell her about what you did to me in the kitchen.
About holding my head over the stove.
- What?! - Yeah.
You put his head over the stove? I don't remember that particular detail.
- Oh, please.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.
Can I get a drink? Sure.
Go ahead.
You know, Connor was there.
He probably remembers exactly what happened, right, son? Yeah.
You mean when you and Roger were fighting? Right.
Tell your mother, um, who hit who first.
Roger threw the first punch.
There you go.
What? That's bullshit.
Roger, watch your language.
Yeah, asshole.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I did not throw the first punch.
Listen, I don't know what's going on here, young man, but I suggest you tell your mother right now what exactly happened.
Roger started it.
See? He's lying! You know what? Don't call my kid a liar.
Okay, pal? Okay, Tommy, just go.
- You sure? - Yes.
I can handle this.
Goodbye.
- Thanks, pal.
- Nice teamwork.
Okay, honey, just go.
Lookit, I talked to my ex-brother-in-law, Roger.
He's a detective.
He told me you were involved.
I think he knows what he's talking about.
Wake up.
It's such bullshit! You want to know what's really happening here? No! Could you just leave? No! Listen to me! It's that asshole across the street.
Your ex-husband has been trying to break us apart since day one.
Just answer one question.
And you better tell the truth, Roger, because if you lie, I will know.
Okay.
Did you have anything to do with those guys beating up Tommy? Define "anything.
" Hey.
Hey, I need you to cut it.
Hey.
Hey! What's the problem? Nothing.
Never mind.
Sorry.
Hey, uh Bob Shinsky.
Tom Gavin.
How are you? - You're the firefighter, right? - Yeah.
It looks like you had a fire of your own recently.
It's kind of ironic.
But I want you to know I think it's great.
Your work, uh, you know, it takes a lot of guts to handle that job, and I'm impressed.
Thank you.
What-- What do you do? I'm a psychotherapist.
Oh, you're a shrink? Guilty, yeah.
That's funny.
You're the second one today.
Hey, let me ask you something.
I got these pills.
Could you take a look at these? Let me just put this down for a second.
Are these good? Oh, yeah.
Well, these are all fine, I guess.
I mean You know, they don't work for everyone.
Right.
Now, would I take them separately, or all at the same time? Well, I don't think you'd want to take all three of these medications at the same time - No? - No, not unless you wanted to be a really sleepy, happy guy with an erection.
No, the erection thing, that was a mistake.
So these are good? Uh, I guess.
I don't usually prescribe anything unless it's a last resort.
There are people in my profession, - they hand out meds like candy.
- Yeah.
I, uh I think talking one-on-one is much more effective in the long term, so consider that before you dig into your stash there.
All right, thanks, doc.
Appreciate it.
- Oh, thanks.
- See you around.
Excuse me.
I I was admiring your deck out back the other day, and I was-- I'm actually thinking about putting one on myself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, uh, who did yours? I did.
Me and the guys from my crew.
- Really? - Yeah.
What are you thinking of doing, thinking of spending? I don't know.
A thousand, maybe 1,500, but-- Yeah.
I don't know, man.
It's just, you know-- Really taking a week's work and just compressing it into two days.
I'd have to take a look at-- - Really? - Yeah.
Let me talk to the guys, and I'll get back to you.
- I'm very serious.
- Okay.
All right.
Nice to talk to you, doc.
I'll get right back at you.
So nice to see you.
Two grand for a porch? Last one we did, we got what, 600 bucks? Who is this guy? The king of chumps? Some shrink, you know? I figure we'd get Charlie Walsh's cousin to get the lumber for 300 bones, divide the rest up.
You in? That kind of money, I'll show up in a tux.
Franco? - In.
- I'll do it.
Let me tell you something, kid.
First time doing a porch, you work for free.
Let me clarify further.
Not only do you not get paid, you generally do all the work while we sit around drinking beer and shooting the shit.
And you buy the beer.
Yeah, a couple of those suitcase things.
MGD is good.
Guys, I just remembered I'm busy.
- Bill, you in? - No.
- Why not? - Because.
Because why? Because because.
"Because, be--" What are we, in the land of Oz all of a sudden? He is.
Engine.
Let's go.
It's party time.
Hey, did you make that call for me yet about the calendar thing? Yeah.
They want to see your picture.
- Well, I don't have one.
- You got a camera? Bring it in.
I'll take it.
What are you ladies talking about? Firefighter calendar.
I'm doing it again this year.
He gets to choose his own month.
Great.
So which month are you going for? I'd try for February, work that whole Valentine's Day thing.
Nah.
Common mistake.
Shortest month of the year.
So, what's a good month? You definitely don't wanna be December.
Nobody pays attention till the last 30 days of the year.
You wanna be in the first four or five months to maximize booty potential.
I'm thinking April, May, in there, you know? It's spring.
Winter clothes come off.
Chicks are thinking about getting laid.
Yeah? Interesting.
Yeah, it's a science, and I'm the mad scientist.
Davey, stay close to the squawk box, all right? Battalion 1-5 to 1-5 Alpha, transmit a 10-75 at the box on the corner.
My husband's in there! Señor, my husband's in there! Tommy, make sure you get that smoke.
See if there's any smoke in the shaft.
Hey, pal! Hey! Hey, Garrity.
Check it out, bro.
We should get that shot for the calendar people.
- Oh, hey, good idea.
- Yeah.
Where do you want to do it? Uh, here is good.
You should take off your coat.
Hey, should I do it standing or do that, like, crouching thing? No, no, no, just stand.
Okay.
And lift up your shirt.
They'll want to see some abs.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah.
Hey, what you guys doing? Just, uh, taking a picture for the firefighter calendar.
Not like that, jackass.
Use one hand.
How's that? So this calendar, what are they doing? Like an all-geek theme this year? That's real funny.
Look, take your hand, put it under your shirt, all right? Then you lift it up, like that, okay? That's good.
There you go.
Yeah, like that.
Like you just fought a fire.
You're cooling down, right? Now, put your head back like you're getting that first breath of fresh air.
No, no.
Watch me.
Ready? - Oh, God, that's really good.
- Nice.
Now lean forward a little bit.
Let's get some-- let's get some muscle rippling going on.
Oh, yeah.
Up the shirt a little bit.
Let's show a little nipple.
Give the girls a thrill.
Hurry, Franco.
We're losing our light.
There you go.
Chief, any suggestions? Yeah, I got a suggestion for the three of you.
Go right from here to the medical office, and you have your testosterone level checked, 'cause you're all down a quart.
Come on.
We're taking up and going back.
What the hell is the matter with you? Put your shirt back in.
Okay, ready? Now, behind the head Oh, so listen to this.
I'm out with the wife the other night.
We go to a show.
Afterwards, we're walking to the car, look into this bar, and who do I see but our very own little probie making out with some broad to beat the band.
- So? - So this chick's old enough to be his mother.
Oh, God, I just caught a chill.
- How old? - I don't know.
I didn't have time to cut her in half, count the rings, but she was pretty old for him.
I'm guessing late 40s.
Wow.
Really? Oh, speak of the devil.
- Hey, kid, your ears burning? - Huh? Hey, you banging some old broad? And if you are, word of caution: A broken hip takes a very long time to heal.
I mean, she's not that old.
She's 46.
Well, that's nothing in dog years.
Yeah, which probably applies to her.
Hey, you guys can say whatever you want.
I mean, Paula's older, but she's great.
She's the person who taught me how to please a woman.
Pleasing a woman? Not possible, kid.
No, I mean sexually.
She taught me how to do the Venus Butterfly.
What the hell's that? It's a sexual thing.
A position, I guess.
And? So you're doing oral on a chick-- - Is that required? - Yeah.
I'm out, but keep going.
So you start with just the tongue, and then you put two fingers in her area, and then you have another finger working the other area.
Yeah, I've done that.
Didn't know it had a name, though.
Wait a second.
What areas are we talking about? And since when are there two areas? My wife's only got one, not that I've seen it recently.
I don't know.
Maybe she's subdivided.
I think we're talking about the back and the front area.
Yeah, that's right.
So you put two fingers in front and one in the back? How's that work? Oh, it's easy.
You just Does that look easy to you? Yeah, but I'm a bowler.
Wait a second.
This actually works? Oh, yeah.
It never fails.
Drives chicks crazy.
Hey, I'm doing it.
I'll give it a shot.
- Thanks for the info, kid.
- You're welcome.
By the way, you're still not getting paid for the deck.
Waits on the pitch, 0-2.
Oh! Duffy fired it inside that time, and it's inside and low.
Ha-ha, one ball and two strikes.
Folks have their rally caps on.
Hear the crowd getting into it.
Adam Kennedy actually tightened this one up earlier with that 2-run home-run blast.
He's been consistently getting around late on the pitcher Hey, Tom.
I know you got a lot on your mind, but we got some problems.
Are you getting some park named after Vito? How'd you find out about that? Just tell me.
Are you? It's not a park, okay? It's a jogging path.
That's all well and good, but now Bobby Vincent's upset because you're not getting anything named after him.
What, you think it's easy? Like one phone call? - It's a complicated process.
- I understand that.
I'm just telling you what's happening here.
You can't give to one and not the other.
Now Vito and Bobby aren't even talking to each other.
It's a mess.
Ask Bobby what he wants named.
I'll see if I can do something.
Tommy, you're missing the point, okay? 'Cause if he's gonna ask, it's not the same.
You guys are so far up my ass, it's not even funny.
- Shh.
- No, no, you shh, okay? - Chill.
- What the hell? Hello? Tommy? Sheila? Tommy? I know.
I'm sorry.
I should have called you first.
What's-- What's going on? I'm a mess.
Why? What's wrong? Well, just-- I've been a wreck since the other night, you know, when you drove me home.
Yeah.
I'm gonna grab my jacket.
I'll meet you outside in the driveway.
I'll wait for you right here.
Uh, just wait outside, all right? Two seconds.
Sheila Tommy! Tommy, what's going on? What are you doing? Nothing.
What do you mean, nothing? Nothing.
She said something about the other night.
What is she talking about? What? Just tell me.
Tell me.
It's Ryan.
He's been calling her, like, every other day.
It's been relentless.
Ryan? Yeah.
- Asshole.
- Prick.
Wait a minute.
All right, so Go out and talk to her.
Make sure she's okay.
- All right.
- And, Tommy Thanks, man.
Don't worry about it.
Hey.
Let's, uh-- Let's jump in the truck and head around the corner.
Why? What is the matter with you? It's-- It's Janet.
She's, um She's been spying on me lately.
I don't want her to see you and me and then start tying you into all this crap.
Okay? Come on.
God.
It's like a goddamn soap opera.
Yeah, I know.
Hey.
Hey.
How's it going? What happened the other night? What? What do you mean? What do I mean? We're at the bar.
We're having a great time, and all of a sudden, you go to the bathroom, and then you never come back.
Yeah.
You know, I had, like, food poisoning or something I guess.
You think my girlfriend and I go around asking people to sleep with us all the time? I'm sorry.
I was just really uncomfortable with the offer, you know? I've never done anything like that before, I mean, had a three-way.
So say that you're uncomfortable.
Don't just slink off into the night.
Look, you don't owe me an apology.
You saved my life.
You don't owe me anything, but Geneva, that's different, man.
I mean, you owe her an explanation, dude, - and I'm serious.
- Okay.
Well, can I have her number, and, you know, I'll call her-- No, I think you should apologize to her in person, since you dissed her in person.
Here's her address, all right? Hey, make it right, man.
I mean it.
All right.
Okay.
I'm sorry, man.
Just make it right.
God, Tommy, nothing like making it easy for me.
It'll be better here, believe me.
What's up? Well, don't act like I'm interrupting your big busy schedule or something, all right? I'm not.
I'm vulnerable.
Don't be such a dick.
I'm not being a dick.
I'm sorry.
Okay? You-- You want to talk about the other night? Is that what you want to talk about? I feel like I should apologize to you.
I mean, I attacked you in the car.
I mean, I feel like a slut.
No.
Come on.
Not at all.
I mean, it wasn't like you actually had to fight me off, you know? I know, but I feel very guilty.
I mean, there's, like, millions of guys in the world, and then I go and I shove my tongue down your throat.
Look, you know what? Don't beat yourself up over it, okay? It was-- It was what it was, and it's in the past.
Well, it can never happen again.
I mean, that's for sure.
No.
Definitely, no way.
No, no.
Nope.
Okay Okay Wait, wait.
This is crazy.
All right.
Hey.
What's up? Are we the first ones here? Yeah, Lou and Tommy went to go pick up the lumber.
Hey, listen, Sean, I got a call from the calendar people.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, they took a look at your pictures.
It's a pass.
I'm sorry.
You're kidding.
What was the problem? Well, basically everything.
They said you were out of shape, your face sucked, your hair looked weird.
You know what? Screw them, okay? Like that calendar's a big deal.
I never wanted to be in it - in the first place.
- I'm kidding.
What? - You're in.
- Really? Yeah.
Congratulations, Mr.
December.
December? What, I don't get March? No, it doesn't work that way.
Got to work your way up the booty chain.
Huh.
Hey, anybody try that Venus thing yet? - Not me.
- Nah.
I did, last night.
Yeah, and? Well, first of all, it was a joke.
I hooked up with this old booty call of mine.
So we start going at it, right? And I begin to do the, you know, the butterfly thing.
And just like probie says, she goes absolutely nuts.
She's lovin' it.
Then, out of the blue, she starts hitting me and yelling at me, - calling me names.
- What was the problem? Well, apparently, she didn't like it when I stuck the other finger in her ass.
What is that, funny? Yeah.
It's two fingers in the front, Einstein.
Really? Hey.
Hey! - How's it going, fellas? - Hey, doc.
Hey, I gotta tell you, you're a very lucky man.
The price you're getting on this deck is ridiculous.
Uh, listen, I just, um-- You think we're gonna be done by the end of the day? Because we're having a barbecue in a couple of days and-- I'm sure that won't be a problem.
Hey, probie Yeah? You done by the end of the day? I don't know, Tommy.
Doc, he'll be done.
Don't worry about it.
That would be fantastic.
Thanks.
Well, uh, tallyho.
Did he just say, "Tallyho"? Yeah, he said, "Tallyho.
" Yes, he did.
Hey.
Everything okay? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, um, remember those pills I showed you the other morning? Yeah.
I haven't taken any yet.
Well, it's probably a good idea.
If your head's a little messed up, no need messing up your metabolism as well.
Right.
Hey, doc, can I ask your professional opinion about something? Sure, go ahead.
Yeah.
All right.
You know, my wife-- My soon-to-be-ex-wife, probably.
I think we're getting divorced.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Thanks.
Anyways, the other night I was looking out the window of my house, and I caught her across the street in her window, staring right back at me.
You're sure she was staring at you? Yeah, without a doubt.
I mean, it was-- As soon as she realized I was staring straight back at her, she ducked out of the way.
Right.
So what do you think that means? What do you think it means? The vibe I got, anyways, was that she, you know, it seemed like she was sort of lost in thought, you know? Like maybe she was thinking about coming over or something? I don't know.
I think she was probably thinking about me.
Right.
Well, could be.
Yeah, I agree with you.
I think she was.
All right, thanks.
Well, thank you, Tommy.
- You're the best.
- All right, thanks.
You know who's a great actor? Keanu Reeves.
Oh, I think so.
- Did you ever see Dracula? - No.
Who am I? I say, is the castle far? Hey, another thing, doc.
She's got this boyfriend-- Ex-boyfriend, Roger.
I'm sorry, who? My wife.
She was-- She came over the other day to tell me that this guy Roger is basically out of the picture.
So she was kind of vulnerable, and I I don't know.
I screwed up.
I pissed her off, and I kind of, you know, lost an opportunity there, I think.
But here's what I'm thinking.
If I go over and I give a soft sell, maybe bring some flowers or something, and I kind of apologize to her, I think I can get her back to the point where she was.
And I think then I might have a real shot at her.
What do you think? Uh, what do you think? I think if I play my cards right, I'm good to go.
I think what you think is really important here.
Did you get some coverage for tomorrow? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm good.
What do you got planned? Uh, I don't know.
Thinking about going fishing.
- I like that idea.
- I like it.
You know, she was always riding my ass.
I come home, and I'm not emotionally available, and I can't open up, and blah, blah, blah.
You know, meanwhile-- Boy, you're gonna love this.
--she's got this sort of, like, gaggle of chicks, and they ride my ass as well.
I can tell, 'cause when I walk in a room, her kitchen or something, and I surprise 'em, everybody shuts up.
So I know they're talking about me.
Right.
And meanwhile, this one chick, Mary Ellen-- You'll love this-- Tommy, I'm really sorry, but I actually have to finish up some work here.
No problem, doc.
Go ahead.
So this chick Mary Ellen, she's been married and divorced three times, okay? Three times! And she's gonna give my wife advice on what an asshole I am? I don't think so.
It's like a big episode of the Oprah show.
Where are you going? Inside to take a leak.
Or I could go in your beer if you prefer.
Oh, no.
Once was enough, thanks.
What's up? Ask them.
It's fascinating.
Ah-ah-ah-ah.
Not until you've built some steps, pal.
Let's go.
Back up on the deck.
Move! My wife, she's a good person.
She's got kind of a narrow view of the world, if you know what I mean.
She's made her bed, she's lying in it, she's perfectly happy.
Anything new comes along, anything breaks the status quo, it's a major crisis.
You don't mind, do you? Grandmother dead, grandfather dead, mother dead, father dead So, you know, my parents, especially my dad, they say I have a problem with commitment, whatever that's supposed to mean.
I mean, who doesn't, right? You know, the way I look at it, I'm young, I'm good-looking, I got a sexy job.
I should try to get all the pussy I can.
I can say "pussy," right? Well, you could, but, I guess, you know, I'd rather you didn't.
That's what I'm feeling right now.
Who wants well done? I do, please.
I want no sand.
How about that? Yeah, work on it.
Might be sawdust.
Could be.
Could be.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Hey, you're a shrink, right? Yes.
That's cool.
So, what's the deal with that Shinsky guy? He seemed really pissed off.
What do you think the deal is? He wants his porch done.
Tomorrow you work double fast, got it? - Yeah.
Got it.
- Tommy.
Tommy, you goddamn asshole! You've got a park named after Vito, huh? You help him, but you don't help me, Tommy? Huh? Nice move! What about my kids, huh? What about my wife, Tommy? Huh? Hey, you okay, Tommy? What? - You okay? - Yeah.
They're gone.
Who? Vito and Bobby.
Just like that, man.
I've been looking everywhere.
Really? Well, I guess it was their time.
But everybody's vanishing.
It's making me a little nervous.
Like, maybe I'm next? No, you're gonna be okay.
Don't worry about it.
You got company.
I ain't goin' anywhere.
Honey, I'm home.
Hi.
Hi.
What's going on? Katie and Connor went to the Walkers' for a sleepover, and Colleen went to the movies with her friends, so you know, the house was kind of quiet, so I thought I'd come over and see what's going on.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
You been drinking? Just a touch.
That's a lot with you.
So I like that shirt.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Mm.
This is-- Mm.
Very interesting.
And what are we doing? We're gonna go upstairs.
- We are? - Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Now, not that I don't wanna go upstairs, but, um, now, where are we going with this? What, you don't want me? No, that's not what I said.
I did not say that.
Tommy, we were always at our best when we were in bed.
A million problems everywhere else, - but in bed - Mm-hmm.
all great.
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
- Come on.
- All right.
Hey, whoa.
You okay? Yes.
Ouch.
Honey, you know what? I think you're a little drunk.
This may not be the best idea.
Don't tell me.
This is the perfect idea.
All right, you know what? I'm gonna run out to the truck.
- All right? - Mm-hmm.
I'll be back in two seconds.
Don't make me start without you.
I won't.
Okay.
Careful.
Oh, my God.
Hey, doc.
What are you doing? I need some advice.
My wife and I were in bed, Tommy.
Sorry, I didn't know you go to sleep so early.
Yeah, we weren't sleeping.
That ties right into what I wanted to ask you about.
My wife-- I think I told you about her, my ex-wife? She's at my house right now, and she wants me to have sex with her.
Great.
Go ahead.
Somebody should be doing it.
No, but here's the thing.
Okay, it's complicated.
She's also drunk off her ass, so I just feel conflicted, like I might be taking advantage of the situation, you know-- Well, Tommy, I'm not your shrink.
I can't give you professional advice.
You'd have to call me, make an appointment.
You have to become a client, you have to pay me, understand? Yeah, but I'm doing your deck.
I'm not a professional carpenter.
Forgive me, that doesn't make any sense.
All right.
Just tell me what I should do.
What do you want to do? I wanna bang her.
I haven't had sex with her in a year and a half.
Then I guess you know what you want to do.
You're a good man.
Thanks.
I appreciate it.
Hey.
Hey, Geneva.
I hope you don't mind me coming by like this.
No, it's okay.
Like I told you on the phone, I talked to Andrew, and I'm real sorry about what happened.
I just sort of freaked out.
I'm kind of, like, shy sometimes.
It's okay.
It's better shy than a jerk.
Do you want to come in? Is Andrew here? No, he has an early basketball game in Queens tomorrow, so he's at a friend's house.
Come in.
Take this.
What is it? Viagra.
Oh, no.
I don't need Viagra.
Well, how many times can you go without it? 'Cause if the number's less than five, you'll need it.
Can I get a glass of water? - Yes.
- Please.
Wow.
It really is like bowling.
Whoa! Ow.
Hey.
I'm not really into anything too kinky.
Well, that's too bad.
It looks like you're ready to go again, mister.
Don't let me stop you.
Hey, guys, really, I meant what I said.
I'm not really into the whole three-way thing.
Oh, really? By the looks of things, you could've fooled me.
No, that's the Viagra! Hey, why are we even talking? We should be doing some other things.
Hi, sweetie.
Hey.
Mikey, relax.
She's so sweet, isn't she? How can you resist her, Mikey? I couldn't.
No, guys.
Geneva, help! I feel it's gonna be really long.
Howdy, pardner.
Shut up.
I feel like an asshole.
Yeah, you look like one.
Since when do they make you dress up for this? I thought it was usually guys in their turnout gear.
They decided to try something new this year.
It's retarded.
Have you ever heard of a cowboy in December? It doesn't even make sense.
I won't get any chicks out of this.
You're gonna get lots of chicks.
Women, they dig cowboys.
You got the whole Marlboro Man thing going on, except without the cancer.
Okay, cowpoke.
We're ready for you.
All set? I, uh I think this is gay.
Honey, I'd know.
You look fine.
Come on over here.
All right, let's see that position we talked about earlier.
Okay, good.
Turn the upper body slightly towards me.
Chin up.
Chin up.
Nice.
Nice.
How do we feel about the hay? Well, I think it sucks.
Lose it.
Thank you.
Hey, can I lose the bandana, too? Why? Without a shirt on, I think it looks strange.
The whole point of this is for me to get some sex, and I'm not gonna get any if I'm wearing a stupid yellow bandana.
Take her off.
Oh.
Thank you.
Please, can we get this over with? You're the boss.
Okay.
All right.
Okay, chin up, and don't forget the smile.
Do not forget the smile.
Smiling, sexy cowboy.
Hot, sexy, smiling cowboy.
Good.
Good! Ride the pony.
Come on, ride the pony.
Good! Hey, buddy.
How you doin'? Bet you're wondering why I'm here, right? Yeah.
Well, I just wanted to make sure that, you know, there was no problem.
No bad feelings.
Well-- When I said that you could have sex with my girl, I meant with me there, ass-wipe! Thanks for saving my life.
Yeah.
Hello.
You talk to your mother? Don't have time, Dad.
Just heading over to see my lovely wife.
What? Looks like we're getting back together.
How'd you pull that off? She came over last night, we talked things over, and I think it was just, you know, meant to be.
Was she drunk? I gotta go.
Will you call your mother, please? You call her.
Hey! Ow! Damn! You all right? You know, this is hard work.
You know, if you'd stepped up a little bit more yesterday, we wouldn't be in this situation.
Give me some more screws.
Whoa, whoa.
What the hell happened to your wrist? What? You hit it with a hammer? - Franco, look at this.
- What's up? It's nothing.
Yeah, that's nothing.
Somebody cuffed you up last night, didn't they? How'd you know? Kid, look who you're talking to.
I look a little bit closer, I could tell you the make and manufacturer.
You were handcuffed last night? As much as I hate to stop working, I'm intrigued.
Remember the guy I saved? The guy with the hot girlfriend? The couple that wanted to have a three-way with you? They got it last night.
Yeah, but I thought you blew 'em off.
They tricked me.
I thought I was just gonna get the girl, and then he came in.
They raped me, Lou.
And they got the whole thing on video.
Wait a minute, now.
Wait a minute.
When he-- When the guy showed up, didn't you, like, go to half-mast? I wish.
She slipped me some Viagra.
I feel like I just lost my wood See, that explains it.
I saw you coming to work today, I thought you just really, really liked construction.
I feel violated.
Look, hey, you know what? It's behind you now.
Speaking of behind you now, this guy get any action off you, probie? - No.
- Yeah, he did.
He did.
Hey, looking good, guys.
- Thanks.
- Hello! Hey.
What the hell happened? What? You get back together with your wife, you don't call your own brother? - Who told you? - Dad.
What happened? Got her into bed last night, turned the whole thing around.
What can I say? You lucky prick.
I can't even get my wife to blow me.
Buh-bye.
Hey, Tommy, is that for real? You and Janet getting back together? - Yep.
Looks that way.
- Hey, that's great.
And here comes the blushing bride now.
- Hey, Janet.
- Hey.
- How are you? - What's going on? Hey.
Good.
- Hey, can I talk to you? - Sure.
Okay, not here.
How you doing? I'm all right.
Hey, last night was crazy.
Yeah.
Tommy, nothing's changed.
What? Last night probably shouldn't have happened.
In fact, it definitely shouldn't have happened.
I'm sorry.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
- Don't get mad.
- I'm not getting mad.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
Okay? And let's think back.
I didn't come looking for you last night, you came over-- Now you're gonna tell me it shouldn't have happened? I was drunk.
I was frustrated.
I'm tired of being alone.
You're not alone, okay? I'm right across the street, which you gladly took advantage of last night.
You don't understand.
I need something more, something that I can't get from you.
Yes, the sex was great, but the sex is always great with us, Tommy.
We've never had a problem connecting on a physical level, but on an emotional level Jesus Christ.
I knew that's what you were gonna say! I can't do this anymore.
I'm tired of being this lonely.
You know what? You're nuts.
You should see a shrink, because-- I am sorry.
You're sorry.
Bullshit.
You come over to my house, okay.
You lure me into bed, you bang me, you get my hopes up, and now you're sorry? - I wanted to see if it still worked.
- What, my dick? Okay, that's it.
All right.
Thanks for coming by.
Oh, and by the way, the sex, it wasn't that great.
Kiss my ass.
Tommy! - Tommy, come on! - Tommy, no! Pick that up, take it over to my house.
Tommy, we've been working all day.
$2,000, man.
What--? What are you doing? Real nice advice telling me to go have sex with my wife.
Worked real well, asshole.
What? You need psychological help, Gavin.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, you do! And if you want it from me, make an appointment, come to my office, and pay for it! Yeah, well, if your house catches fire, don't call me, asshole.
Call the fire department.
- Tommy, no! - Tommy! It's two grand.
Tommy, two grand.
Jesus, Tommy.
Pick that up and take it over to my house.
Let's go!
Yeah, Yeah.
Jesus Christ, look at you.
What, you been working out like crazy? What's going on? Well, firefighter calendar shoots next week.
You're doing that thing again? Yeah.
Fourth year in a row.
They want me so bad, they let me pick my own month.
- Really? - Yeah.
I don't know, man.
That always seemed a little gay.
What? Are you kidding? You get one month in that calendar, you're looking at a whole year of ass.
Come on.
I'm telling you.
They come at me in waves.
So you think I can get in it? Into what, the calendar? You just said it was gay.
Well, yeah, but maybe it's gay in a good way.
Yeah, the kind of gay that gets you straight sex.
Yeah, it is.
I'll put in a good word.
Little late in the day, but I'll see what I can do.
Whatever.
No big deal.
- Hey, you guys see Tommy yet? - No.
Not yet, chief.
Maybe he's outside talking to another dead girl.
Excuse me? What, I'm the only one that thought that was weird? Yeah, come on, chief.
It was a little creepy.
You don't think Tommy's cracking up a bit? Listen, you two, that was one incident.
Look, chief-- I got nothing but love for Tommy.
He's a great guy, he's our brother, but that does nothing to change the fact that he had a very long, very animated chat with a very dead little girl.
It doesn't take a shrink, you know what I'm saying? And that's none of your business, Rivera, huh? Yeah, okay.
Well, uh, how about when he flips out in the middle of our next big fire, and I wind up dead? Is it my business then? Just tell him I was looking for him, huh? Yeah, all right, chief.
Jesus, I don't want to be an asshole, but-- Hey, look, don't sweat it.
I get it.
- Let's go again, yeah? - Yeah.
Tour starts at 9:00, Tommy, not quarter to 10.
I'm sorry, man.
This isn't about you and me.
George had to be at his kids' school this morning.
He hung on for 45 minutes, but you didn't even call.
I'm sorry.
It won't happen again, man.
Okay? I'm sorry.
What's going on with you? I just-- Uh I need more vacation time.
I already ate my regular vacation days up.
I-- I don't know.
Do you ever think about going downtown? What do you mean? There's a guy downtown.
He's some sort of a shrink, I guess.
You go down and tell him you feel a little shaky, about to crack up, boom, two weeks.
- Two weeks? Wow.
- Yeah.
I mean, I did it myself.
- You were feeling a little, uh--? - No, no, no.
My wife wanted to go on some New England foliage thing, you know, with the leaves and that shit.
It was the only way I could get the time off.
What would I say, you know? You make something up.
I mean, you go down there and tell him you-- You can't sleep, you got the shakes.
Right.
I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Even if you don't get time off, at least you get to talk to somebody, if you need to talk to somebody.
Who says I need to talk to somebody? I'm just saying If you need to talk to somebody.
I'll think about it.
Thanks.
Yeah.
BUTTERFLY Jesus.
Hey.
- Whoa, whoa.
- I'm sorry.
Hey, Steve.
Hey, Tommy.
What's going on, man? Not much, man.
I'm just working.
- How you been? - Pretty good.
- Oh, you're down here now.
- Yeah.
Wow.
I barely even recognized you in the suit and the tie.
Yeah, I thought I was gonna get out of the department after my accident, but no such luck, you know? They hooked me back in.
Desk job.
Putting out different kinds of fires now.
- Yeah.
- What you doing down here? Um I'm, uh Me and the guys-- You remember Vito Costello from my house? - Died 9/11.
- Yeah.
Me and the guys are, uh-- We're trying to get a, uh, a jogging path named after him.
- Yeah, I remember Vito.
- Yeah.
He was-- He was a huge jogger.
Well, listen, uh why don't you give it to me? I'll just push it right through.
Well, the thing is, I promised his-- His widow that-- It's no problem.
I can push it right through for you.
I'll push it right through-- Hey, Tommy.
How you doing, man? - Good to see you.
- What's going on? This is a health form, Tommy.
You know what? The guys knew I was coming down-- it's like a joke.
Oh, listen, it's no problem.
I don't need a petition.
I'll push it through by the end of the week.
Yeah? That'd be great.
That'd be huge.
Hey, it's for Vito, right? - That's right.
- I'll take care of it.
- I'll call you.
- Thanks, man.
All right.
Take it easy, Tommy.
- Thanks.
- All right.
See you.
Next! Next! - Gavin, 62nd truck.
- Ahem.
Yeah.
What seems to be the problem? Well, uh-- been, uh Been having some trouble sleeping.
That's it? Um, some other, uh you know, kind of Shh.
Gotcha.
I think you're okay for full duty.
Just take these, check back with me in a month.
Direction and dosages will be on the bottle.
That-- That's it? You want to talk or something? No.
Nah.
No, I'm good.
You're not seeing dead people, are you? No.
Because word's gotten out, you see dead people, you're in for an automatic two-week vacation.
I got three, four guys a week coming in here seeing dead people.
I-- I-- I just thought maybe I could use, you know A couple weeks off, that's all.
Try the pills first.
Okay.
Um, here's the thing.
I can't, uh I can't really read these.
You can't sleep, right? Right.
Depressed? Uh, yeah.
What's that one? Can't get it up? Oh, no, no.
I don't have that problem.
Oh, sorry.
Okay.
Well, you know You never know.
Thanks, doc.
Hey, you drink? Um not really.
Well, don't take that stuff with booze.
It won't be good.
Next! Okay.
Hey, Rog.
How's it going? Asshole.
Look, I told you I didn't want to see you.
Why are you here? Because this is bullshit, babe! Come on.
We were going along just fine.
Until you had a bunch of friends beat up my ex-husband.
First of all, I had nothing to do with that.
And second, it wasn't a bunch, it was three guys.
Hello.
Oh, hey, sorry.
I didn't know you had company.
He knew.
He saw me pull up.
You know what? I didn't come to start a fight.
What do you want? I got that part for the sink.
Wanted to make sure it works.
- Now's not a good time.
- Two seconds.
Oh, you're so innocent.
- Mr.
Nice Guy.
- What? Tell her about what you did to me in the kitchen.
About holding my head over the stove.
- What?! - Yeah.
You put his head over the stove? I don't remember that particular detail.
- Oh, please.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.
Can I get a drink? Sure.
Go ahead.
You know, Connor was there.
He probably remembers exactly what happened, right, son? Yeah.
You mean when you and Roger were fighting? Right.
Tell your mother, um, who hit who first.
Roger threw the first punch.
There you go.
What? That's bullshit.
Roger, watch your language.
Yeah, asshole.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I did not throw the first punch.
Listen, I don't know what's going on here, young man, but I suggest you tell your mother right now what exactly happened.
Roger started it.
See? He's lying! You know what? Don't call my kid a liar.
Okay, pal? Okay, Tommy, just go.
- You sure? - Yes.
I can handle this.
Goodbye.
- Thanks, pal.
- Nice teamwork.
Okay, honey, just go.
Lookit, I talked to my ex-brother-in-law, Roger.
He's a detective.
He told me you were involved.
I think he knows what he's talking about.
Wake up.
It's such bullshit! You want to know what's really happening here? No! Could you just leave? No! Listen to me! It's that asshole across the street.
Your ex-husband has been trying to break us apart since day one.
Just answer one question.
And you better tell the truth, Roger, because if you lie, I will know.
Okay.
Did you have anything to do with those guys beating up Tommy? Define "anything.
" Hey.
Hey, I need you to cut it.
Hey.
Hey! What's the problem? Nothing.
Never mind.
Sorry.
Hey, uh Bob Shinsky.
Tom Gavin.
How are you? - You're the firefighter, right? - Yeah.
It looks like you had a fire of your own recently.
It's kind of ironic.
But I want you to know I think it's great.
Your work, uh, you know, it takes a lot of guts to handle that job, and I'm impressed.
Thank you.
What-- What do you do? I'm a psychotherapist.
Oh, you're a shrink? Guilty, yeah.
That's funny.
You're the second one today.
Hey, let me ask you something.
I got these pills.
Could you take a look at these? Let me just put this down for a second.
Are these good? Oh, yeah.
Well, these are all fine, I guess.
I mean You know, they don't work for everyone.
Right.
Now, would I take them separately, or all at the same time? Well, I don't think you'd want to take all three of these medications at the same time - No? - No, not unless you wanted to be a really sleepy, happy guy with an erection.
No, the erection thing, that was a mistake.
So these are good? Uh, I guess.
I don't usually prescribe anything unless it's a last resort.
There are people in my profession, - they hand out meds like candy.
- Yeah.
I, uh I think talking one-on-one is much more effective in the long term, so consider that before you dig into your stash there.
All right, thanks, doc.
Appreciate it.
- Oh, thanks.
- See you around.
Excuse me.
I I was admiring your deck out back the other day, and I was-- I'm actually thinking about putting one on myself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, uh, who did yours? I did.
Me and the guys from my crew.
- Really? - Yeah.
What are you thinking of doing, thinking of spending? I don't know.
A thousand, maybe 1,500, but-- Yeah.
I don't know, man.
It's just, you know-- Really taking a week's work and just compressing it into two days.
I'd have to take a look at-- - Really? - Yeah.
Let me talk to the guys, and I'll get back to you.
- I'm very serious.
- Okay.
All right.
Nice to talk to you, doc.
I'll get right back at you.
So nice to see you.
Two grand for a porch? Last one we did, we got what, 600 bucks? Who is this guy? The king of chumps? Some shrink, you know? I figure we'd get Charlie Walsh's cousin to get the lumber for 300 bones, divide the rest up.
You in? That kind of money, I'll show up in a tux.
Franco? - In.
- I'll do it.
Let me tell you something, kid.
First time doing a porch, you work for free.
Let me clarify further.
Not only do you not get paid, you generally do all the work while we sit around drinking beer and shooting the shit.
And you buy the beer.
Yeah, a couple of those suitcase things.
MGD is good.
Guys, I just remembered I'm busy.
- Bill, you in? - No.
- Why not? - Because.
Because why? Because because.
"Because, be--" What are we, in the land of Oz all of a sudden? He is.
Engine.
Let's go.
It's party time.
Hey, did you make that call for me yet about the calendar thing? Yeah.
They want to see your picture.
- Well, I don't have one.
- You got a camera? Bring it in.
I'll take it.
What are you ladies talking about? Firefighter calendar.
I'm doing it again this year.
He gets to choose his own month.
Great.
So which month are you going for? I'd try for February, work that whole Valentine's Day thing.
Nah.
Common mistake.
Shortest month of the year.
So, what's a good month? You definitely don't wanna be December.
Nobody pays attention till the last 30 days of the year.
You wanna be in the first four or five months to maximize booty potential.
I'm thinking April, May, in there, you know? It's spring.
Winter clothes come off.
Chicks are thinking about getting laid.
Yeah? Interesting.
Yeah, it's a science, and I'm the mad scientist.
Davey, stay close to the squawk box, all right? Battalion 1-5 to 1-5 Alpha, transmit a 10-75 at the box on the corner.
My husband's in there! Señor, my husband's in there! Tommy, make sure you get that smoke.
See if there's any smoke in the shaft.
Hey, pal! Hey! Hey, Garrity.
Check it out, bro.
We should get that shot for the calendar people.
- Oh, hey, good idea.
- Yeah.
Where do you want to do it? Uh, here is good.
You should take off your coat.
Hey, should I do it standing or do that, like, crouching thing? No, no, no, just stand.
Okay.
And lift up your shirt.
They'll want to see some abs.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah.
Hey, what you guys doing? Just, uh, taking a picture for the firefighter calendar.
Not like that, jackass.
Use one hand.
How's that? So this calendar, what are they doing? Like an all-geek theme this year? That's real funny.
Look, take your hand, put it under your shirt, all right? Then you lift it up, like that, okay? That's good.
There you go.
Yeah, like that.
Like you just fought a fire.
You're cooling down, right? Now, put your head back like you're getting that first breath of fresh air.
No, no.
Watch me.
Ready? - Oh, God, that's really good.
- Nice.
Now lean forward a little bit.
Let's get some-- let's get some muscle rippling going on.
Oh, yeah.
Up the shirt a little bit.
Let's show a little nipple.
Give the girls a thrill.
Hurry, Franco.
We're losing our light.
There you go.
Chief, any suggestions? Yeah, I got a suggestion for the three of you.
Go right from here to the medical office, and you have your testosterone level checked, 'cause you're all down a quart.
Come on.
We're taking up and going back.
What the hell is the matter with you? Put your shirt back in.
Okay, ready? Now, behind the head Oh, so listen to this.
I'm out with the wife the other night.
We go to a show.
Afterwards, we're walking to the car, look into this bar, and who do I see but our very own little probie making out with some broad to beat the band.
- So? - So this chick's old enough to be his mother.
Oh, God, I just caught a chill.
- How old? - I don't know.
I didn't have time to cut her in half, count the rings, but she was pretty old for him.
I'm guessing late 40s.
Wow.
Really? Oh, speak of the devil.
- Hey, kid, your ears burning? - Huh? Hey, you banging some old broad? And if you are, word of caution: A broken hip takes a very long time to heal.
I mean, she's not that old.
She's 46.
Well, that's nothing in dog years.
Yeah, which probably applies to her.
Hey, you guys can say whatever you want.
I mean, Paula's older, but she's great.
She's the person who taught me how to please a woman.
Pleasing a woman? Not possible, kid.
No, I mean sexually.
She taught me how to do the Venus Butterfly.
What the hell's that? It's a sexual thing.
A position, I guess.
And? So you're doing oral on a chick-- - Is that required? - Yeah.
I'm out, but keep going.
So you start with just the tongue, and then you put two fingers in her area, and then you have another finger working the other area.
Yeah, I've done that.
Didn't know it had a name, though.
Wait a second.
What areas are we talking about? And since when are there two areas? My wife's only got one, not that I've seen it recently.
I don't know.
Maybe she's subdivided.
I think we're talking about the back and the front area.
Yeah, that's right.
So you put two fingers in front and one in the back? How's that work? Oh, it's easy.
You just Does that look easy to you? Yeah, but I'm a bowler.
Wait a second.
This actually works? Oh, yeah.
It never fails.
Drives chicks crazy.
Hey, I'm doing it.
I'll give it a shot.
- Thanks for the info, kid.
- You're welcome.
By the way, you're still not getting paid for the deck.
Waits on the pitch, 0-2.
Oh! Duffy fired it inside that time, and it's inside and low.
Ha-ha, one ball and two strikes.
Folks have their rally caps on.
Hear the crowd getting into it.
Adam Kennedy actually tightened this one up earlier with that 2-run home-run blast.
He's been consistently getting around late on the pitcher Hey, Tom.
I know you got a lot on your mind, but we got some problems.
Are you getting some park named after Vito? How'd you find out about that? Just tell me.
Are you? It's not a park, okay? It's a jogging path.
That's all well and good, but now Bobby Vincent's upset because you're not getting anything named after him.
What, you think it's easy? Like one phone call? - It's a complicated process.
- I understand that.
I'm just telling you what's happening here.
You can't give to one and not the other.
Now Vito and Bobby aren't even talking to each other.
It's a mess.
Ask Bobby what he wants named.
I'll see if I can do something.
Tommy, you're missing the point, okay? 'Cause if he's gonna ask, it's not the same.
You guys are so far up my ass, it's not even funny.
- Shh.
- No, no, you shh, okay? - Chill.
- What the hell? Hello? Tommy? Sheila? Tommy? I know.
I'm sorry.
I should have called you first.
What's-- What's going on? I'm a mess.
Why? What's wrong? Well, just-- I've been a wreck since the other night, you know, when you drove me home.
Yeah.
I'm gonna grab my jacket.
I'll meet you outside in the driveway.
I'll wait for you right here.
Uh, just wait outside, all right? Two seconds.
Sheila Tommy! Tommy, what's going on? What are you doing? Nothing.
What do you mean, nothing? Nothing.
She said something about the other night.
What is she talking about? What? Just tell me.
Tell me.
It's Ryan.
He's been calling her, like, every other day.
It's been relentless.
Ryan? Yeah.
- Asshole.
- Prick.
Wait a minute.
All right, so Go out and talk to her.
Make sure she's okay.
- All right.
- And, Tommy Thanks, man.
Don't worry about it.
Hey.
Let's, uh-- Let's jump in the truck and head around the corner.
Why? What is the matter with you? It's-- It's Janet.
She's, um She's been spying on me lately.
I don't want her to see you and me and then start tying you into all this crap.
Okay? Come on.
God.
It's like a goddamn soap opera.
Yeah, I know.
Hey.
Hey.
How's it going? What happened the other night? What? What do you mean? What do I mean? We're at the bar.
We're having a great time, and all of a sudden, you go to the bathroom, and then you never come back.
Yeah.
You know, I had, like, food poisoning or something I guess.
You think my girlfriend and I go around asking people to sleep with us all the time? I'm sorry.
I was just really uncomfortable with the offer, you know? I've never done anything like that before, I mean, had a three-way.
So say that you're uncomfortable.
Don't just slink off into the night.
Look, you don't owe me an apology.
You saved my life.
You don't owe me anything, but Geneva, that's different, man.
I mean, you owe her an explanation, dude, - and I'm serious.
- Okay.
Well, can I have her number, and, you know, I'll call her-- No, I think you should apologize to her in person, since you dissed her in person.
Here's her address, all right? Hey, make it right, man.
I mean it.
All right.
Okay.
I'm sorry, man.
Just make it right.
God, Tommy, nothing like making it easy for me.
It'll be better here, believe me.
What's up? Well, don't act like I'm interrupting your big busy schedule or something, all right? I'm not.
I'm vulnerable.
Don't be such a dick.
I'm not being a dick.
I'm sorry.
Okay? You-- You want to talk about the other night? Is that what you want to talk about? I feel like I should apologize to you.
I mean, I attacked you in the car.
I mean, I feel like a slut.
No.
Come on.
Not at all.
I mean, it wasn't like you actually had to fight me off, you know? I know, but I feel very guilty.
I mean, there's, like, millions of guys in the world, and then I go and I shove my tongue down your throat.
Look, you know what? Don't beat yourself up over it, okay? It was-- It was what it was, and it's in the past.
Well, it can never happen again.
I mean, that's for sure.
No.
Definitely, no way.
No, no.
Nope.
Okay Okay Wait, wait.
This is crazy.
All right.
Hey.
What's up? Are we the first ones here? Yeah, Lou and Tommy went to go pick up the lumber.
Hey, listen, Sean, I got a call from the calendar people.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, they took a look at your pictures.
It's a pass.
I'm sorry.
You're kidding.
What was the problem? Well, basically everything.
They said you were out of shape, your face sucked, your hair looked weird.
You know what? Screw them, okay? Like that calendar's a big deal.
I never wanted to be in it - in the first place.
- I'm kidding.
What? - You're in.
- Really? Yeah.
Congratulations, Mr.
December.
December? What, I don't get March? No, it doesn't work that way.
Got to work your way up the booty chain.
Huh.
Hey, anybody try that Venus thing yet? - Not me.
- Nah.
I did, last night.
Yeah, and? Well, first of all, it was a joke.
I hooked up with this old booty call of mine.
So we start going at it, right? And I begin to do the, you know, the butterfly thing.
And just like probie says, she goes absolutely nuts.
She's lovin' it.
Then, out of the blue, she starts hitting me and yelling at me, - calling me names.
- What was the problem? Well, apparently, she didn't like it when I stuck the other finger in her ass.
What is that, funny? Yeah.
It's two fingers in the front, Einstein.
Really? Hey.
Hey! - How's it going, fellas? - Hey, doc.
Hey, I gotta tell you, you're a very lucky man.
The price you're getting on this deck is ridiculous.
Uh, listen, I just, um-- You think we're gonna be done by the end of the day? Because we're having a barbecue in a couple of days and-- I'm sure that won't be a problem.
Hey, probie Yeah? You done by the end of the day? I don't know, Tommy.
Doc, he'll be done.
Don't worry about it.
That would be fantastic.
Thanks.
Well, uh, tallyho.
Did he just say, "Tallyho"? Yeah, he said, "Tallyho.
" Yes, he did.
Hey.
Everything okay? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, um, remember those pills I showed you the other morning? Yeah.
I haven't taken any yet.
Well, it's probably a good idea.
If your head's a little messed up, no need messing up your metabolism as well.
Right.
Hey, doc, can I ask your professional opinion about something? Sure, go ahead.
Yeah.
All right.
You know, my wife-- My soon-to-be-ex-wife, probably.
I think we're getting divorced.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Thanks.
Anyways, the other night I was looking out the window of my house, and I caught her across the street in her window, staring right back at me.
You're sure she was staring at you? Yeah, without a doubt.
I mean, it was-- As soon as she realized I was staring straight back at her, she ducked out of the way.
Right.
So what do you think that means? What do you think it means? The vibe I got, anyways, was that she, you know, it seemed like she was sort of lost in thought, you know? Like maybe she was thinking about coming over or something? I don't know.
I think she was probably thinking about me.
Right.
Well, could be.
Yeah, I agree with you.
I think she was.
All right, thanks.
Well, thank you, Tommy.
- You're the best.
- All right, thanks.
You know who's a great actor? Keanu Reeves.
Oh, I think so.
- Did you ever see Dracula? - No.
Who am I? I say, is the castle far? Hey, another thing, doc.
She's got this boyfriend-- Ex-boyfriend, Roger.
I'm sorry, who? My wife.
She was-- She came over the other day to tell me that this guy Roger is basically out of the picture.
So she was kind of vulnerable, and I I don't know.
I screwed up.
I pissed her off, and I kind of, you know, lost an opportunity there, I think.
But here's what I'm thinking.
If I go over and I give a soft sell, maybe bring some flowers or something, and I kind of apologize to her, I think I can get her back to the point where she was.
And I think then I might have a real shot at her.
What do you think? Uh, what do you think? I think if I play my cards right, I'm good to go.
I think what you think is really important here.
Did you get some coverage for tomorrow? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm good.
What do you got planned? Uh, I don't know.
Thinking about going fishing.
- I like that idea.
- I like it.
You know, she was always riding my ass.
I come home, and I'm not emotionally available, and I can't open up, and blah, blah, blah.
You know, meanwhile-- Boy, you're gonna love this.
--she's got this sort of, like, gaggle of chicks, and they ride my ass as well.
I can tell, 'cause when I walk in a room, her kitchen or something, and I surprise 'em, everybody shuts up.
So I know they're talking about me.
Right.
And meanwhile, this one chick, Mary Ellen-- You'll love this-- Tommy, I'm really sorry, but I actually have to finish up some work here.
No problem, doc.
Go ahead.
So this chick Mary Ellen, she's been married and divorced three times, okay? Three times! And she's gonna give my wife advice on what an asshole I am? I don't think so.
It's like a big episode of the Oprah show.
Where are you going? Inside to take a leak.
Or I could go in your beer if you prefer.
Oh, no.
Once was enough, thanks.
What's up? Ask them.
It's fascinating.
Ah-ah-ah-ah.
Not until you've built some steps, pal.
Let's go.
Back up on the deck.
Move! My wife, she's a good person.
She's got kind of a narrow view of the world, if you know what I mean.
She's made her bed, she's lying in it, she's perfectly happy.
Anything new comes along, anything breaks the status quo, it's a major crisis.
You don't mind, do you? Grandmother dead, grandfather dead, mother dead, father dead So, you know, my parents, especially my dad, they say I have a problem with commitment, whatever that's supposed to mean.
I mean, who doesn't, right? You know, the way I look at it, I'm young, I'm good-looking, I got a sexy job.
I should try to get all the pussy I can.
I can say "pussy," right? Well, you could, but, I guess, you know, I'd rather you didn't.
That's what I'm feeling right now.
Who wants well done? I do, please.
I want no sand.
How about that? Yeah, work on it.
Might be sawdust.
Could be.
Could be.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Hey, you're a shrink, right? Yes.
That's cool.
So, what's the deal with that Shinsky guy? He seemed really pissed off.
What do you think the deal is? He wants his porch done.
Tomorrow you work double fast, got it? - Yeah.
Got it.
- Tommy.
Tommy, you goddamn asshole! You've got a park named after Vito, huh? You help him, but you don't help me, Tommy? Huh? Nice move! What about my kids, huh? What about my wife, Tommy? Huh? Hey, you okay, Tommy? What? - You okay? - Yeah.
They're gone.
Who? Vito and Bobby.
Just like that, man.
I've been looking everywhere.
Really? Well, I guess it was their time.
But everybody's vanishing.
It's making me a little nervous.
Like, maybe I'm next? No, you're gonna be okay.
Don't worry about it.
You got company.
I ain't goin' anywhere.
Honey, I'm home.
Hi.
Hi.
What's going on? Katie and Connor went to the Walkers' for a sleepover, and Colleen went to the movies with her friends, so you know, the house was kind of quiet, so I thought I'd come over and see what's going on.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
You been drinking? Just a touch.
That's a lot with you.
So I like that shirt.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Mm.
This is-- Mm.
Very interesting.
And what are we doing? We're gonna go upstairs.
- We are? - Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Now, not that I don't wanna go upstairs, but, um, now, where are we going with this? What, you don't want me? No, that's not what I said.
I did not say that.
Tommy, we were always at our best when we were in bed.
A million problems everywhere else, - but in bed - Mm-hmm.
all great.
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
- Come on.
- All right.
Hey, whoa.
You okay? Yes.
Ouch.
Honey, you know what? I think you're a little drunk.
This may not be the best idea.
Don't tell me.
This is the perfect idea.
All right, you know what? I'm gonna run out to the truck.
- All right? - Mm-hmm.
I'll be back in two seconds.
Don't make me start without you.
I won't.
Okay.
Careful.
Oh, my God.
Hey, doc.
What are you doing? I need some advice.
My wife and I were in bed, Tommy.
Sorry, I didn't know you go to sleep so early.
Yeah, we weren't sleeping.
That ties right into what I wanted to ask you about.
My wife-- I think I told you about her, my ex-wife? She's at my house right now, and she wants me to have sex with her.
Great.
Go ahead.
Somebody should be doing it.
No, but here's the thing.
Okay, it's complicated.
She's also drunk off her ass, so I just feel conflicted, like I might be taking advantage of the situation, you know-- Well, Tommy, I'm not your shrink.
I can't give you professional advice.
You'd have to call me, make an appointment.
You have to become a client, you have to pay me, understand? Yeah, but I'm doing your deck.
I'm not a professional carpenter.
Forgive me, that doesn't make any sense.
All right.
Just tell me what I should do.
What do you want to do? I wanna bang her.
I haven't had sex with her in a year and a half.
Then I guess you know what you want to do.
You're a good man.
Thanks.
I appreciate it.
Hey.
Hey, Geneva.
I hope you don't mind me coming by like this.
No, it's okay.
Like I told you on the phone, I talked to Andrew, and I'm real sorry about what happened.
I just sort of freaked out.
I'm kind of, like, shy sometimes.
It's okay.
It's better shy than a jerk.
Do you want to come in? Is Andrew here? No, he has an early basketball game in Queens tomorrow, so he's at a friend's house.
Come in.
Take this.
What is it? Viagra.
Oh, no.
I don't need Viagra.
Well, how many times can you go without it? 'Cause if the number's less than five, you'll need it.
Can I get a glass of water? - Yes.
- Please.
Wow.
It really is like bowling.
Whoa! Ow.
Hey.
I'm not really into anything too kinky.
Well, that's too bad.
It looks like you're ready to go again, mister.
Don't let me stop you.
Hey, guys, really, I meant what I said.
I'm not really into the whole three-way thing.
Oh, really? By the looks of things, you could've fooled me.
No, that's the Viagra! Hey, why are we even talking? We should be doing some other things.
Hi, sweetie.
Hey.
Mikey, relax.
She's so sweet, isn't she? How can you resist her, Mikey? I couldn't.
No, guys.
Geneva, help! I feel it's gonna be really long.
Howdy, pardner.
Shut up.
I feel like an asshole.
Yeah, you look like one.
Since when do they make you dress up for this? I thought it was usually guys in their turnout gear.
They decided to try something new this year.
It's retarded.
Have you ever heard of a cowboy in December? It doesn't even make sense.
I won't get any chicks out of this.
You're gonna get lots of chicks.
Women, they dig cowboys.
You got the whole Marlboro Man thing going on, except without the cancer.
Okay, cowpoke.
We're ready for you.
All set? I, uh I think this is gay.
Honey, I'd know.
You look fine.
Come on over here.
All right, let's see that position we talked about earlier.
Okay, good.
Turn the upper body slightly towards me.
Chin up.
Chin up.
Nice.
Nice.
How do we feel about the hay? Well, I think it sucks.
Lose it.
Thank you.
Hey, can I lose the bandana, too? Why? Without a shirt on, I think it looks strange.
The whole point of this is for me to get some sex, and I'm not gonna get any if I'm wearing a stupid yellow bandana.
Take her off.
Oh.
Thank you.
Please, can we get this over with? You're the boss.
Okay.
All right.
Okay, chin up, and don't forget the smile.
Do not forget the smile.
Smiling, sexy cowboy.
Hot, sexy, smiling cowboy.
Good.
Good! Ride the pony.
Come on, ride the pony.
Good! Hey, buddy.
How you doin'? Bet you're wondering why I'm here, right? Yeah.
Well, I just wanted to make sure that, you know, there was no problem.
No bad feelings.
Well-- When I said that you could have sex with my girl, I meant with me there, ass-wipe! Thanks for saving my life.
Yeah.
Hello.
You talk to your mother? Don't have time, Dad.
Just heading over to see my lovely wife.
What? Looks like we're getting back together.
How'd you pull that off? She came over last night, we talked things over, and I think it was just, you know, meant to be.
Was she drunk? I gotta go.
Will you call your mother, please? You call her.
Hey! Ow! Damn! You all right? You know, this is hard work.
You know, if you'd stepped up a little bit more yesterday, we wouldn't be in this situation.
Give me some more screws.
Whoa, whoa.
What the hell happened to your wrist? What? You hit it with a hammer? - Franco, look at this.
- What's up? It's nothing.
Yeah, that's nothing.
Somebody cuffed you up last night, didn't they? How'd you know? Kid, look who you're talking to.
I look a little bit closer, I could tell you the make and manufacturer.
You were handcuffed last night? As much as I hate to stop working, I'm intrigued.
Remember the guy I saved? The guy with the hot girlfriend? The couple that wanted to have a three-way with you? They got it last night.
Yeah, but I thought you blew 'em off.
They tricked me.
I thought I was just gonna get the girl, and then he came in.
They raped me, Lou.
And they got the whole thing on video.
Wait a minute, now.
Wait a minute.
When he-- When the guy showed up, didn't you, like, go to half-mast? I wish.
She slipped me some Viagra.
I feel like I just lost my wood See, that explains it.
I saw you coming to work today, I thought you just really, really liked construction.
I feel violated.
Look, hey, you know what? It's behind you now.
Speaking of behind you now, this guy get any action off you, probie? - No.
- Yeah, he did.
He did.
Hey, looking good, guys.
- Thanks.
- Hello! Hey.
What the hell happened? What? You get back together with your wife, you don't call your own brother? - Who told you? - Dad.
What happened? Got her into bed last night, turned the whole thing around.
What can I say? You lucky prick.
I can't even get my wife to blow me.
Buh-bye.
Hey, Tommy, is that for real? You and Janet getting back together? - Yep.
Looks that way.
- Hey, that's great.
And here comes the blushing bride now.
- Hey, Janet.
- Hey.
- How are you? - What's going on? Hey.
Good.
- Hey, can I talk to you? - Sure.
Okay, not here.
How you doing? I'm all right.
Hey, last night was crazy.
Yeah.
Tommy, nothing's changed.
What? Last night probably shouldn't have happened.
In fact, it definitely shouldn't have happened.
I'm sorry.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
- Don't get mad.
- I'm not getting mad.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
Okay? And let's think back.
I didn't come looking for you last night, you came over-- Now you're gonna tell me it shouldn't have happened? I was drunk.
I was frustrated.
I'm tired of being alone.
You're not alone, okay? I'm right across the street, which you gladly took advantage of last night.
You don't understand.
I need something more, something that I can't get from you.
Yes, the sex was great, but the sex is always great with us, Tommy.
We've never had a problem connecting on a physical level, but on an emotional level Jesus Christ.
I knew that's what you were gonna say! I can't do this anymore.
I'm tired of being this lonely.
You know what? You're nuts.
You should see a shrink, because-- I am sorry.
You're sorry.
Bullshit.
You come over to my house, okay.
You lure me into bed, you bang me, you get my hopes up, and now you're sorry? - I wanted to see if it still worked.
- What, my dick? Okay, that's it.
All right.
Thanks for coming by.
Oh, and by the way, the sex, it wasn't that great.
Kiss my ass.
Tommy! - Tommy, come on! - Tommy, no! Pick that up, take it over to my house.
Tommy, we've been working all day.
$2,000, man.
What--? What are you doing? Real nice advice telling me to go have sex with my wife.
Worked real well, asshole.
What? You need psychological help, Gavin.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, you do! And if you want it from me, make an appointment, come to my office, and pay for it! Yeah, well, if your house catches fire, don't call me, asshole.
Call the fire department.
- Tommy, no! - Tommy! It's two grand.
Tommy, two grand.
Jesus, Tommy.
Pick that up and take it over to my house.
Let's go!