Rocko's Modern Life (1993) s01e07 Episode Script

1
( buzzing and chirping )
( chuckling )
GOOD AS NEW.
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE ♪
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE.
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE ♪
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE.
SPUNKY!
SPUNKY!
( screaming )
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE. ♪
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE.
( laughing )
THAT WAS A HOOT!
ARE WE GOING TO PLAY OR WHAT?
YEAH, YEAH, I'M COMING.
JUST GOT TO GE
ME PRIZE FOUL BALL OUT.
DID I EVER TELL YOU
HOW I GOT THIS, HEFF?
( sighing: )
TEN OR 20 TIMES.
I WAS A LITTLE JOEY
AT MY FIRST GAME
AND THIS KINDHEARTED FAN
CAUGHT IT FOR ME.
HEY, YOU BUM, YOU OVERPRICED
STUPID EXCUSE FOR A SHORTSTOP.
YOU HIT LIKE A GIRL, YOU--
NICE CATCH, PAL.
HEY.
IT'S THE ONLY TIME
I'VE CAUGHT A FOUL BALL.
AND I HAVEN'T BEEN CLOSE SINCE.
DO WE HAVE TO GO
THROUGH THIS EVERY TIME?
ROCKO ON THE MOUND.
HERE'S THE PITCH.
OH, IT'S A LONG FLY BALL.
I GOT IT.
( beeping )
WHAT THE..?
UH-OH.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hUH-OH.
( chuckling )
WHY, THOSE NO-GOOD, LITTLE
\h\h\h\hAND I BET THEY
WANT THEIR BALL BACK.
WELL, THEY'RE NOT GETTING IT!
SAY BYE-BYE.
( yelling )
( cackling mercilessly )
STUPID OLD TOAD.
NICE TOSS, HEFF.
NICE CATCH.
WE'LL JUS
GET ANOTHER ONE.
WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND
ANOTHER FOUL BALL?
UM
UH
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hMan:
PROGRAMS, GET YOUR PROGRAMS.
ZEROS PROGRAMS,
$1, RIGHT OVER HERE.
HEFFER, YOU REALLY THINK
I CAN GET ANOTHER BALL?
JUST THINK POSITIVE, ROCK.
THE O-TOWN ZEROS
HIT MORE FOUL BALLS
THAN ANY OTHER TEAM.
I JUST HOPE I CAN GE
OLD HAMMER'S AUTOGRAPH TODAY.
LOOK AT THIS CROWD.
YEAH, IT'S
JOCKSTRAP DAY.
TWO, PLEASE.
DANG, NO AUTOGRAPH TODAY.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hMan:
PSST, HEY, BUDDY.
YOU NEED A TICKET?
COME HERE.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hMan:
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hPEANUTS,
GET YOUR RED-HOT PEANUTS
HEY, DON'
FORGET YOUR JOCKSTRAP.
UH, THANKS.
HERE YOU GO, BIG GUY.
COME ON, HEFF, I DON'T WAN
TO MISS THE FIRST PITCH.
LET'S GO FIND
OUR SEATS, HEFFER.
YEAH, 50 BUCKS APIECE,
THEY MUST BE BEHIND HOME PLATE.
CAN YOU SHOW US
THE LOWER BOXES?
WE NEED
TO FIND OUR SEATS.
LOWER BOXES,
RIGHT DOWN THERE.
BUT, UH
YOUR SEATS
ARE UP THERE.
( panting )
( wild bird crying )
OH, BUGGER.
THEY LOOK
LIKE ANTS DOWN THERE.
HEFFER, I'M NOT GOING TO GE
A FOUL BALL UP HERE.
ROCKO! LOOK AT THIS.
DOWN ON THE FIRST BASE LINE,
FRONT ROW.
TWO SEATS
WITH NO BUTTS IN 'EM.
LET'S SNEAK DOWN.
I DON'T KNOW, HEFF,
I DON'T THINK IT'S RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?
YOU WANT THAT FOUL BALL,
DON'T YOU?
GO ON, KID.
GOOD THINGS COME
TO THOSE WHO WAIT.
OH, BROTHER.
HEY, FAUNTLEROY,
GET A LOAD OF THIS.
YOU CAN'T SEE SQUA
FROM UP HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?
GRAB THOSE GOOD SEATS
BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES.
RIGHT, LET'S GO, THEN.
BE CAREFUL, HEFF.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hAnnouncer:
Now pitching for the Psychos,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hWild Horse Myers.
I NEVER SAT THIS CLOSE.
I'M SURE I'LL
GET A BALL NOW.
NICE TRY, ROCK.
MAYBE HE'LL TOSS
ANOTHER ONE OVER HERE.
Crowd:
CHARGE!
I GOT IT.
( shrieking )
RED-HOT TAMALES!
GET YOUR RED-HOTS!
OOH.
DOWN HERE!
TAMALES
MAKE MY BOTTOM BURBLE.
HERE, PAL.
( crashing )
( retching )
( burping )
OOPS.
EXCUSE ME.
( quacking )
WE GOT A REAL PITCHER'S DUEL
HERE TODAY, FANS.
HA, HA! WHAT'S THIS?
LOOKS LIKE THE KISSING BANDI
IS MAKING AN APPEARANCE.
( thundering footsteps )
HEY
GET OFF OF ME, YOU BIG CRAZY.
HEFF, LOOK,
IT'S GUMBO, THE MASCOT.
( crowd booing )
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHeff:
WHY DOES EVERYBODY HATE HIM?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hRocko:
'CAUSE HE'S THE MASCOT.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hAnnouncer:
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hWe're going
to the bottom of the eighth
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hstill tied zero-zero
and nobody is leaving this game
traffic or no traffic.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hRocko:
HEFFER, THEY'RE ALL GONE.
WE'RE THE ONLY ONES LEFT.
I'LL GET THE NEXT FOUL BALL
NO MATTER WHERE IT GOES.
I'M SO HAPPY.
( gasping )
IT'S HIM.
SPIKE!
( growling )
I'M GOING TO GET HIS AUTOGRAPH
RIGHT AFTER HE HITS THIS HOMER.
( gulping )
( growling )
\h\h\h\hI HOPE, I HOPE,
I HOPE, I HOPE, I HOPE.
Wild Horse into his wind-up
Here's the pitch
( groaning )
HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP,
HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP
HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP,
HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHEY, SPIKE,
CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
CAN I SEE
YOUR TICKETS,
PLEASE?
THESE AREN'T YOUR SEATS, SIR.
IT'S USELESS
SITTING UP HERE.
WE CAN'T EVEN TELL IF THEY'RE
STILL PLAYING DOWN THERE.
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
TOO BAD YOU DIDN'T GET A BALL.
YEAH, TOO BAD YOU
DIDN'T GET AN AUTOGRAPH.
Dick Duck up at the plate.
He swings and pops it up
Man, that's way up there.
IT'S A FOUL BALL.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT
MINE! ALL MINE!
HEY, A BALL!
ROCKO!
FOUL BALL.
DON'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT.
LET HIM GE
HIS OWN FOUL BALL.
IT IS BETTER TO GIVE
THAN RECEIVE.
WELL, JUNIOR?
( babbling )
OH.
FOUL BALL.
WHOO.
WHAT A BUMMER.
I WAS THIS CLOSE
TO GETTING SPIKE'S AUTOGRAPH
AND I DIDN'T GET NOTHING
EXCEPT THIS
STUPID JOCKSTRAP.
I BLEW MY ONLY CHANCE.
LOOKS LIKE
YOU'LL GET A SECOND CHANCE.
Heff:
OH!
MR. HAMMERHEAD.
MR. HAMMERHEAD!
WHAT NOW?
CAN I HAVE
YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
I USUALLY CHARGE TEN BUCKS
FOR AN AUTOGRAPH, KID.
NO, NO, PUT THAT THING AWAY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, KID.
JUST DON'T TELL YOUR FRIENDS
I DID THIS
FOR FREE.
GOT A PEN?
OH!
UM
DUH
( sobbing )
OKAY, OKAY, STOP IT.
ENOUGH WITH THE WATERWORKS.
I USUALLY CHARGE FIVE BUCKS
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hFOR THIS.
OOH
WOW.
YOU KNOW, HEFFER
I'M GLAD I WAS ABLE
TO MAKE THAT KID'S DAY.
MAYBE WHEN HE GROWS UP
HE'LL TELL HIS CHILDREN
\h\h\h\hOF THE NICE CHAP
WHO GAVE HIM A FOUL BALL.
LET'S SEE, I GOT POPCORN,
NACHOS, HOT DOGS, CANDY BARS
COTTON CANDY, RED SHOTS,
COUPLE OF SODAS
CANDY APPLES, CARAMEL CORN,
TRAIL MIX, LICORICE.
OH, AND I GO
SOME PEANUTS FOR YOU.
NOTHING LIKE
A DRIVE-IN MOVIE,
HUH, ROCK?
IT'S NOT QUITE
THE SAME, HEFF.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHeffer:
WELL, AT LEAST MR. BIGHEAD
\h\h\h\hHAS A BIG-SCREEN TV.
IT'S STILL NO
LIKE A REAL DRIVE-IN.
BUT THERE ISN'T A DRIVE-IN
WITHIN A HUNDRED MILES.
WORK WITH ME HERE.
THERE'S AN OLD
DRIVE-IN-TYPE
MONSTER MOVIE
ON CHANNEL 63.
HEY
WHAT THE--
( screaming )
HEY
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hAnnouncer:
\h\h\hStay tuned for more
Sweatin' In Your Undies.
( yelling )
( yelling )
HEY!
OH, WELL, THAT'S THAT.
WAIT, ROCK, WE CAN GO
TO THE GOOGAPLEX CINEMA.
IT MAY NOT BE THE DRIVE-IN
BUT THERE'S HUNDREDS OF MOVIES
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hTO CHOOSE FROM.
WELL, THAT MAKES
THE CHOICE EASY.
COME ON, HEFF,
LET'S BUY OUR TICKETS.
TWO, PLEASE.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hAND, MIGHT I SAY,
WHAT A DAPPER SHIRT YOU HAVE ON.
OH, YEAH.
MANAGEMENT MAKES US
WEAR THESE STUPID THINGS.
THAT'LL BE $99.95, PLEASE.
FOR THAT MUCH MONEY,
THIS FILM BETTER BE BRILLIANT.
( alarms and bells ringing )
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, OFFICER?
I'M SO ASHAMED.
I GOT TO STOP FOR MORE SNACKS
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hBEFORE WE GO IN.
HEFF, I DON'T KNOW
IF WE HAVE TIME FOR THIS.
OH, IT'LL
JUST TAKE A SECOND.
SEE, IT'S MOVING.
LOOK, WE CAN ALWAYS
MAKE THE MIDNIGHT SHOW.
WAKE UP, ROCK,
WE'RE NEXT.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hNOW, LET ME SEE,
I'LL HAVE A MEGA-TUB OF POPCORN
EXTRA SALT, EXTRA BUTTER.ú
INDUSTRIAL-SIZE
RAISIN OOTS, NACHOS
GUMMI CHEESE WITH CHOCO SAUCE
AND A DIET COLA.
\h\h\h\hAFTER ALL, I'VE GO
TO WATCH MY GIRLISH FIGURE.
HURRY, ROCKO,
THE PREVIEWS ARE STARTING.
QUICK, FIND A SEAT.
( squishing noise )
HEY, ROCK, I THINK SOMEBODY
SPILLED SOMETHING ON MY CHAIR.
IT'S ALL WET.
( toilet flushing )
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hEXCUSE ME,
WHERE IS THEATER NUMBER 42?
YOU SHOULD KNOW,
YOU WORK HERE.
I DON'T WORK HERE.
\h\h\h\hYEAH, ME NEITHER,
UNLESS THE BOSS IS WATCHING.
THERE IT IS, ROCKO.
EWW, STICKY FLOOR.
EWW, UH, EWW
BLECH, EWW
MY GUM, MY GUM, MOMMY--
THE WEASEL'S GOT MY GUM.
YOU GIVE HIM HIS GUM BACK.
GIVE ME BACK MY GUM,
YOU MEAN OLD WEASEL.
YOU DIDN'T CHEW THAT GUM,
\h\h\h\hIT'S NOT YOURS.
MINE! MINE!
DON'T YOU HAVE
ANY MANNERS?
MEAN OLD WEASEL.
MY TAFFY.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHeffer:
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hLOOK, ROCK,
PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS.
You've seen him kick.
You've seen him bite.
You've seen him
run in his treadmill.
He is Lang-Chao,
Gerbil of Death.
He defeated kung fu warlords
from east of Pittsburgh.
We're samurai kung fu warlords
from east of Pittsburgh.
Our kung fu is better
than your kung fu.
Oh, yeah?
We'll see about that.
And you've seen him
make mincemeat
out of the Cleveland Warthogs.
( groaning )
Now see him
make breakfast.
In Enter the Rodent, Part VII.
Not Before I've Had My Coffee,
\hcoming to a theater near you.
Lang-Chao:
Hi-ya.
I CAN'T SEE A THING, HEFF.
LET'S TRY
ANOTHER THEATER.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hIt seemed
like a harmless hairstyle
until it began to crave
( screaming )
raw flesh.
The Doo.
A hair-raising film,
coming this holiday season.
WELL, IT'S SMALL,
BUT AT LEAST WE CAN SEE.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hMan:
HEY, EMPTY SEATS.
\h\h\h\hCOME IN, HONEY,
THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hThey're cute,
they're adorable, they're moist
and they have a full line
of expensive licensed products.
They're the cuddly Little Poots
starring in their
own full-length feature
with special guest
Really, Really Big Man.
Little Poots.
Little Poots.
( squishing noise )
Oh, dear.
( chuckling )
( crying: )
THE LITTLE POOTS
( gurgling )
HELLO THERE,
LITTLE FELLOW.
( screaming )
( burping )
Mother:
OH, DID BABE-UMS
HAVE TO MAKE
A LITTLE
BURP-BURP?
NOW, YOU
SPIT THAT OUT.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE THAT'S BEEN.
COME ON, HEFF, LET'S
GO FIND ANOTHER THEATER.
\h\h\h\hAnd don't miss
the cute little Poots
on a World War II submarine
\h\h\h\hin their next
adventure, Das Poot.
( audience groans )
USHER?
UH, NO, MA'AM,
I'M NOT A--
THAT MAN OVER THERE
IS SMOKING A CIGAR.
I PAID GOOD MONEY
FOR MY SEA
AND I DON'T WAN
ANY ILL-MANNERED
CIGAR-SMOKING WARTHOG
RUINING MY VIEWING EXPERIENCE.
I WANT YOU TO THROW HIM OUT.
BUT--
OH, FOLLOW ME.
\h\h\h\hALL RIGHT, YOU'RE
IN BIG TROUBLE NOW, BUB.
I GOT AN USHER.
( snorting )
AHEM SIR?
THE LADY HAS REQUESTED
THAT YOU PLEASE
REFRAIN FROM
( laughs nervously )
FROM WHAT?
SMACK HIM WITH
YOUR FLASHLIGHT.
I DON'T HAVE A FLASHLIGHT.
HERE.
SMACK HIM!
( laughing nervously )
( screaming )
HURRY UP, ROCKO,
THE PREVIEWS ARE ALMOST OVER.
You've seen it in the news
you've smelled it
in the streets.
Now Chameleon Brothers Pictures
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hpresents a story
straight from today's headlines.
Get ready for Garbage Strike
The Musical.
We're on strike,
we're on strike ♪
We can do anything
that we like ♪
We won't pick up
cans or bottles ♪
rags or junk
or coffee grounds ♪
We won't pick up
old newspapers ♪
dirty diapers, wedding gowns ♪
We're not touching
your used cotton swabs ♪
or old banana peels ♪
We're not wading
through your refuse ♪
while it oozes and congeals ♪
And why is that? ♪
'Cause we're on strike!.. ♪
THE BOOK WAS BETTER.
( wolf howling )
It's not new.
It's not original.
It isn't even very interesting.
But it is coming this summer.
All right, Dracula.
You're in for it now.
We're going to
Dracula as you've
never seen him before.
Dead.
Our work here
is finished.
Yup, yup.
Get some bagels?
All right.
Dracula.
It's been done
to
death.
\h\h\h\hAnd now, finally,
our feature presentation.
( audience yelling: )
HEY! FOCUS IT! FOCUS!
WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?
OH, NO.
OOPSY-DAISY. OH, BOY.
WOW, COOL SPECIAL EFFECTS.
YOU SHOULD SEE HOW REAL
THIS LOOKS.
FIRE!
Audience:
SHH.
WHAT'S THAT RUMBLING?
I THINK
THAT'S MY STOMACH.
I'M OUT OF POPCORN.
LOOK!
( screaming )
All:
SHH.
( muffled groaning )
( screaming )
LET'S GE
OUT OF HERE.
NO, WAIT, LOOK.
IT'S JUST LIKE
A DRIVE-IN.
I'M NO
CLEANING UP THIS MESS.
ME NEITHER.
AND WHY IS THAT?
'CAUSE WE'RE ON STRIKE. ♪