Roommates s01e07 Episode Script

- How's it going? - Great.
Is my mean boss behind me? - I hate this place.
- Now, he's behind you.
Emergency! There's something growing up in the store.
- What is it? - It's a line of costumers.
Go! I haven't had a break all day.
I rearranged the storeroom, restocked the muffin case, and put up fake springlers cause the fire marshal's coming.
We don't talk about Can't I have a quick break? That guys is constantly on your case, - you should stand up for yourself.
- You're right.
Need to shake things up a bit, make a bold move.
You look thirsty and hungry, you must be one of Hope's costumers.
Hope, what did I tell you earlier? Hope, move the cake.
Sell the cake.
And yet there it sits.
I think it's gone bad.
I'm serious.
Smell it.
Cake gone bad? Dear I quit.
Thanks for doing this.
I'm temping at some office, I never figured out how to tie one of these things.
- And you are ready y to go.
- Thanks.
Very funny, James.
That doesn't look right at all.
Let James help you with that tie.
- Is Hope up yet? - Not yet.
At one point last night, she was more vodka than woman.
I am proud of her, showing the world it's okay that she quit her job.
She showed the world a lot more last night when she got out of that cab.
Why did I quit my job? I have to work.
I can't shop if I don't work.
Well, there goes the economy.
Leave her alone, James.
She made a bold move yesterday.
You know who else made a bold move once? That guy in the park who screams at the air.
You know what's overrated? Jobs and money.
I have to sit here with Mark all day, praying his boxers don't crack open.
Well, I won't be here.
I have a job.
- So what's the job? - Temping for some guy David Schick? David Schick the venture capitalist? He's a big deal.
He's young and rich.
Googling him.
Holy crap, he's done a lot.
He's a big business guy.
He works in new media And Hope worked in old media.
Fix your tie, man.
You have to get me a job.
How can I? I'm just a temp.
Well, talk her up.
Tell him how great she is.
David probably won't even notice me.
I just want to get my $63.
54 and be done with it.
Do it for me.
Please? Come on.
- Say yes.
Come on.
- I guess I could try.
Thank you.
You're not ticklish at all, are you? David Schick's office.
Hope? No, I haven't gotten you a job yet.
I don't know, I thought I'd wait until he gets here.
I promise you, the second he walks in, I will ask him to hire you.
David Schick's office.
Hello, Mr.
Schick isn't in at the moment.
Please hold.
David Schick's office.
Please hold.
David Schick's office.
Hold, please.
David Schick's office.
Hold, please.
David Schick's Hello? Hello? Son of a toothless hairy whore! I thought I'd lost you.
You're David's grandma! Will do, mama Schick.
So listen, we have a huge day ahead of us.
I have three meetings, a video conference in tokyo and No idea who you are.
Who are you? I'm Mark.
I'm your temp.
Temp? I was really looking for someone more permanent.
I don't want to get tied down to a regular job.
I'm an actor.
Well, who said I was offering you a permanent job? Sorry.
It's just the way you made it sound.
Like an offer.
- I like you, Mark.
- Well, thanks.
So, big day today, Mark.
Let's kick some ass and take a few names.
I got a pen and I am ready to take names.
My assistant quit.
Are you sure you're not interested? Thanks, but no.
But, hey, I do have a roommate She's a girl - I know for a fact she'd be interested.
- Is she hot? She's hot, beautiful, not pushy Nice girl.
- That's a lot for one girl.
- And she'd make a great assistant.
So, regular and nice, huh? I miss that, you know? All the women I meet want something from me.
I never know who I can trust.
Well, she is awesome and Wantless.
Let's do it, okay? I want to meet her.
Cool.
Should I have her come in for an interview this afternoon? No, office interviews are always so stuffy.
Nobody ever feels comfortable being themselves.
I'd rather it be something less formal, you know, maybe after work.
- Well, how about tonight? - Perfect, but could we do it someplace quiet? Maybe somewhere where we could just talk? How about our place? That's good.
She'd be relaxed, comfortable, and I can leave if it sucks.
And who knows? If she's hot as you say, maybe I could kill two birds with one stone.
You know, I've been so busy, it's been a long time for the This is nuts.
Why would a guy like David Schick come to our apartment? Don't be a fool, James.
Schick is coming here for tail.
The kids refer to it as a booty call.
Calm down, everybody.
This is going to be great.
If Schick likes Hope, Hope gets a job, and I'm a big hero in Katie's eyes.
Right, then you can swoop in and do nothing for six more months.
If I could land Schick as a client, I'd have more zeros in my bank account than you guys had in your fraternity.
- We weren't in a frat.
- Yeah, we couldn't get into one.
Where's Hope? Is she ready yet? - How do I look in this outfit? - Business in the front, party in the back.
That's what I'm talking about.
Now go get ready.
He's due any minute.
- I am ready.
- Sweetie, you're not ready.
I'm gonna go casual tonight.
It's your night to shine.
You're such a good friend.
Didn't mention this, there's something you should know about David.
- What? - I think maybe he's coming over because he's looking for more than just an assistant.
- What do you mean? - Sex.
- What, you don't mind? - All guys are interested in sex.
Like that's news.
- Except this guy's really into it.
- Did something happen to you at work? So you're okay if this guy just wants sex from you? Clearly I can't control who wants sex from me.
I might as well use it to my advantage.
- What? - We know that if a guy is looking at us and his mouth is moving, he wants sex.
- I don't.
- Right, because we're friends.
Well, I don't know about that.
I wanna sleep with a lot of my friends.
Go get him, Thom.
When a man talks to a woman, she ssumes he wants sex.
All I need is to meet him, flirt a little and see what happens.
By the way, David Schick is really cute.
I know, right? I'm wondering if I should work for him, or just cut out the hard part and just marry him.
So, Hope, when David gets here, make sure you don't come on too strong.
Please, do I come on too strong? Do I? Ever? Come on, guys! Answer me! No, never.
That's why we all look down at our feet and up at the ceiling when you talk.
David doesn't like it when people obviously want something from him, - play it a little cool when he comes.
- Got it.
That's him.
Here we go.
Deep breaths.
Like Mark said, just keep it cool.
We're listening to him now? That's making me really nervous.
Just put it out of your head this guy could change your life in an instant.
- Not helping.
- Sorry.
- How are you? - Good good.
Great place, simple, uncomplicated.
Thanks.
Hey, David, this is Hope.
- Very nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
We'll talk business later.
Here's my card.
It's leather.
So, David, can we get you a glass of wine, a drink or a mojito? Would you like to offer me a job? Kidding.
We joke around here a lot, because we're cool.
- So who's this? - And this is Katie.
Nice to meet you.
It was really nice of you to come over.
Well, I'm having a beer.
You want one? No thanks.
A girl that drinks beer.
I like that.
So is that your book of crossword puzzles? This? Yeah.
They drive me crazy and relax me at the same time.
I've been stuck on a word.
- What is it? - An eight-letter word for Marketplace.
- Emporium.
- You told me.
I'm sorry.
Mark, can I see you for a second? What the hell is going on? I thought you said David was here to meet me? He was, then he met Katie.
By the way, great job of playing it cool.
You got all in my head by telling me to be cool.
Besides, who knew he'd like the girl-next-door type? Emporium.
Lucky guess.
Mark, focus.
I'm freaking out.
I quit my job.
I have this great opportunity and I'm blowing it! Okay, calm down.
Here it comes.
I really need this night to work.
I need a job.
Pull yourself together.
You were an executive once.
- You know how to do this.
- But when I got fired, I lost all my confidence.
Now it seems like I have it together, but inside I'm a total mess.
- It'll be okay.
- How is it gonna be okay? I don't know, it's something guys say when girls cry.
Great, now my inside stuff is coming out.
You've gotta help me.
Let's fix that makeup.
All right? We'll blow that nose.
Give me a big blow for Mark.
There you go! Now maybe pop a button on that blouse.
We're not teaching the alphabet to kids on the prairie.
Thank you.
- Now tell me I look great.
- You look great.
No, I don't.
Pull yourself together or you could end up with Thom! Thanks, I needed that.
Is there a race? Just checking on our other guests, like Hope.
Hope, are you okay?! I really think we should focus on you.
Thank you.
It's so refreshing to meet someone who doesn't want something from me.
Well, there's beautiful, together Hope.
Together and smart as a whip, she is.
You know what else is smart? Putting your money in high-yield government bonds in this very volatile market.
I've got all the money I'll ever need.
But you want to keep it.
That's where Devers, Levine & McDonald come in.
- What we'll do is - Really interesting.
You two talk.
I'm gonna go freshen up my drink.
No, Katie, don't go.
Mark can freshen up your drink.
- Yeah, stay.
- No, go.
- No, stay.
- Go.
- What are you doing? - I have no idea what you talk about.
Yes, you do.
You're trying to get David interested in my girl.
As you're trying to get him interested in mine? - Hope is not your girl.
- And Katie is not yours.
Dating women who ignore I'm dating them is my move, so back off, jack.
- This is a complete disaster.
- I know.
David has this thing about wanting someone real and down to Earth.
- What am I supposed to do? - You the actor.
Come up with something.
I think you're thinking of writers.
I say words they come up with.
Well, write the words, and then act them out.
So, Hope, let me ask you something: what kind of cars and watches does Katie like? She hates time and driving.
So Mark worked for you today.
I am into all the things you do in new media.
- I used to wonk on TV.
- I don't watch TV.
- Can I get a martini? - A martini.
Hitting the hard stuff.
Living it up.
That's groovy, baby.
Careful, woman.
You are this close to losing me forever.
So Katie's really playing hard to get.
I'm not used to that.
Pisses me off and makes me horny.
God, I love a challenge.
I'm not getting anywhere with David.
I just did an Austin Powers impression.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
This has been great, but I was wondering if we could go someplace quieter.
Well, the dining room is nice and quiet.
So can we go? Well, I can't.
Why not? I'm sure your roommates wouldn't mind.
Actually, I mind.
Really? Katie and I are an item.
We didn't say anything earlier because we And why didn't we say anything? Well, that's because Mark is still married.
We're separated.
It's private.
We stay together for the children.
They're the future.
Anyway, David, I've realized recently that Katie is the love of my life.
From the first day I saw her, there's never been anybody else.
I wake up every day thinking she's the most beautiful, special girl in the whole world.
There it is, the whole truth.
God, it feels good to get off my chest.
Mark, that is awesome, man.
You are talking about exactly what I want in my life.
I mean, you are a lucky man.
You know what? I want to make a toast.
- I'm gonna go get a refill.
- Sure.
What a speech.
For a second, I totally bought you were in love with me.
You are an awesome actor.
Anything for you guys.
Yeah, thanks for trying.
You know what? I'm not done yet.
I brought you over here tonight to meet Hope and maybe offer her a job.
I know.
She's cool, but Katie has that special something.
Right, but she's taken.
- No, she's not.
- What do you mean? You two aren't dating, you're not married.
I mean, you're an actor.
You can come up with something better than that.
I think you're thinking of writers.
Mark, please.
You think I got this far not knowing how to read people? - I know the truth.
- What truth? That you're really in love with her and she doesn't know it yet.
Who are you, man? Listen, Katie, - I have something to tell you.
- Wait.
I know you're a big, powerful person, but it is my turn to talk.
You are incredibly good-looking and rich and all of that, but tonight was about getting Hope a job.
And if that doesn't work out, then that's fine.
No, it's not, not really.
But if you think you can come in here and hit on me with my Mark standing right there, you are a five-letter word for mistaken.
"Wrong"! I wasn't going to ask you out.
I was going to ask you to come work for me.
- What? - Why? I need a permanent assistant.
You're a good friend, you're loyal, you're super-smart.
I have a good feeling about you.
It'll be strictly professional.
I don't know what to say.
Katie, can I see you in the kitchen for a second? Sure.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Sorry about that.
- I thought you were backing off.
- I am.
I didn't say how far.
- Take the job.
- What? Sweetie, you're a receptionist at a law office.
This guy's last assistant is running her own company.
- I don't want to run a company.
- Then do it for me because I do.
You get in, you bring me in.
That's how it works.
- Hope, I don't know.
- You hate your current job.
If you're gonna hate a job, hate a job that can help me.
So, listen, this has been a real interesting evening, - but I gotta get going.
- So what do you say, Katie? Well, how much would I make, exactly? Well, I am emailing that to you right Now.
She'll do it.
Yes, but again, it is purely professional.
Great, no problem.
I'll shoot you an IM with the details.
Thank you, David.
I mean, I'm blown away, but this is a great opportunity.
To hell with business.
Let's you and I go out drinking and pick up hot chicks.
That is the first sensible thing you've said all night.
Where do you get leather business cards anyway? - Do you really think that? - What? What you said before, whenever guys talk to girls, we only think about having sex with you? That's totally not true.
Man, I'd love to have sex with you.
That's just the way guys are.
Girls are way more evolved.
We think about plenty of other things besides sex.
Man, I am horny.
All right, you two, scoot over.
Game's on.
Love watching those cheerleaders.
I Hope it's cold out.
- Hey, guys, has the game started yet? - No, but it's about to.
I love watching football players Butts so tight, you can crack a walnut.
Hey, everybody, there's a Star Trek marathon on.
Wanna watch? Hey, everybody, there's a Star Trek marathon on.
Wanna watch? Did you guys hear that?