Scrubs s01e07 Episode Script

Let's start off with a toughie.
Who can tell me? The last few weeks, an amazing thing has happened.
I've been nailing rounds.
I'm starting to separate myself from the pack.
Sir, the answer is Beck's triad.
It keeps me on top of my game.
Looks like a break in the ulna, right there.
It's good to be the king.
You know, it's OK to be impressed by me.
Most girls are.
The problem with reaching the top is, sooner or later someone starts nipping at your heels.
For me, that guy was Nick Murdoch.
Well, the gurney adds drama.
So that's the guy who wants to take me down.
Of course, you'll have a scar, Peter.
You're not getting surgery but chicks dig scars so I'm gonna give you one.
Doctor, Peter's drug rash is getting a lot worse.
No problem, give him Prednisone Good bedside manner, good rapport with the nurses sees me staring at him Act busy.
That's the stud right there.
That's where you'd hang a painting.
He was born John Dorian but he was simply known as JD: doctor, friend, lover.
- Hey, man, how are ya? - Hey, how are you? OK There that is.
Gosh, can you believe we're doctors? The other night at a restaurant this guy starts choking.
They asked if anyone was a doctor.
I didn't even move.
I still feel like I'm seven years old playing MASH with my older brother.
I don't want to be Hot Lips again.
Shut up and kiss Frank.
I don't talk to my brother much.
What you doing? Don't connect with him.
- Well, I'll see you.
- OK.
What happened to that guy? Eventually I remembered I was a doctor.
He'd been dead for 20 minutes.
Very embarrassing.
Food was good, though.
Don't laugh.
Don't laugh! Damn! Any time you wanna get more gauze, it'd be a real treat for all of us.
- It's hard being you, isn't it? - It is.
- What's with the smile? - This whole big bad wolf thing it's such an act.
Neato! Now whaddya want? A tip? Get out.
Go, go! I'm not sure I agree.
- You good T-dog? - Come on, man.
I could do this with my eyes closed.
- I won't, though.
- Open the peritoneum.
Nice, clean cut.
Good.
Good.
Whoa, what's that smell? I don't know.
- Did you nick the colon? - No.
I mean, I don't know.
I I don't think so.
Did I? Cut the music.
You know, I kinda had a date last night.
- Really? - Yeah.
A guy on the bus fell asleep on me and drooled on my shoulder.
- You slut.
- Yeah.
- How about Nick? - I'd let him drool on me.
That's gross.
Why did I say that? I shouldn't talk to people.
I wouldn't know what to do even if I was interested.
Well, you could start by looking at him.
Did he look back? Why doesn't he like me? I can't believe I already blew it.
It felt weird trying to push Nick on her.
This morning I wanted to kill him.
He's so nice, he probably would've helped me.
Come on, JD, you're not closing the windpipe.
Put more pressure down here.
Come on! I know you can do it! Come on! Come on! If it isn't the brain trust.
Someone tell me what this patient's rash is.
You have until I finish my squeezy juice.
My God, I'm drawing a I can't remember what you draw when your mind draws a something.
- It's Erythema Migrans.
- Why don't you answer it? Everyone looks up to you.
It's important you don't get stumped.
Besides, it's important to you, too.
Please, like he knows me.
It's Erythema Migrans, sir.
Right you are, Dr Dorian.
Nice.
OK, there you go.
Now you've got it.
Oh, good.
I don't know where that smell came from.
- Er, sir? - What? Do you see something? Sir, I farted.
That smell is from the fart I made.
- Dude - Get the hell out of my OR.
Yes, sir.
Good.
Time to put myself right back on top of Nick.
That came out wrong.
Excuse me, Dr Cox? I know that you need to pick an intern to co-write that case report on post-partum Yeah, sure.
Congratulations.
Now, go.
Mission accomplished.
Hey, buddy.
How are ya? Dr Cox, I was wondering if I could co-write that case report with you.
Newbie à Newbie.
Too bad it can't be a fight to the death.
I didn't know you wanted to do it.
You do it.
Nice guys aren't even that nice.
Now let me see, just exactly who to choose? Who to choose? Nice.
Very nice, indeed.
OK, over.
Interesting.
Attaboy.
I'm gonna go with Guy Smiley, here.
- Huge moment for me.
- I know.
I wish my dad was alive.
It doesn't mean anything.
You flipped a coin in your head? No.
It's just that, right now, he's better at internal medicine than you.
OK, insult me, like you always do.
Too easy.
When you least expect it.
Dr Wen threatened to sew my butt cheeks together.
- Yet you continue to eat chilli.
- Dude, I'm taking the cheese off.
Even though nothing happened today, it still kinda freaked me out.
One hiccup and that's the difference between life and death? It's a lot to have on your shoulders, you know? What are you guys talking about? Cheese.
Turk is so lucky I met him first.
How's my man doing? Baby, most guys are here.
But me, I'm, like, all up in here.
Dr Turk, you can make the incision now.
Sir, my hand's tightening up.
- I must be low on potassium.
- All right, I'll take over.
Dr Murdoch, Peter's rash has gone but he's vomited six times in the last hour.
No problem, give him Zofran and a 20cc per kilo bolus of normal saline.
Everyone's finally coming around to my way of thinking about Nick.
You're right, he definitely has a cute little butt.
It's almost like it's been sculpted.
Who cares? Everybody's got a cute butt.
I have a cute butt.
You should bring it in some day.
- How's Turk doing? - He's fine, why? He totally froze during surgery yesterday.
Didn't he tell you? I feel like we haven't talked in ages.
How are you? - Fine.
- Yeah? Don't I look OK? You know? You know? I'm fine.
As a matter of fact I am doin' OK, I am doin' OK Good afternoon, doctors.
I've gathered you all here because, well Attendance at my noon conferences has been very disappointing.
I've begun to wonder if maybe you have something more important to do.
Maybe you feel the need to sneak off and have a little nappy-nap? I love nappy-naps.
Or maybe you've forgotten that my conferences are mandatory.
My hospital, my rules! I've never missed one.
Batting 1,000 over here.
I'm more proud of you than I've ever been of an intern.
How do you like me now, Nick? So you see, sir, the poor attendance is my fault.
And my fault only.
Well, then, you have just won the privilege of writing my next ten lectures by this afternoon.
Paging Dr Martyr - What the hell was that guy - Way to go, man.
Nick, that was amazing.
thinking? It's good to be the king.
Things change when you're not the star any more.
What can I say? The lectures this kid wrote were fantastic.
The hospital starts to seem like a whole different place.
Hey, man.
Want some company? No, I just wanna be alone.
- Well? - Not yet.
But soon.
Very soon.
Why would Turk talk to Elliot about this and not me? They're not friends, know what I mean? After 25 minutes, the only way I could know what you mean more is if you wrote "My boyfriend doesn't open up to me" on a mallet and smashed me over the head with it.
Why can't you just for once dig down in your heart access some emotions and empathise with me? - I'm sorry, what were we doing? - That's why no one likes you.
You like me a little bit.
And so do you, sweet cakes.
Want a little sugar from Daddy? Well, looky here.
I thought this was my special place.
I'd ask you not to tell the others about this spot but none of them are talking to you.
It's been a rough day, sir.
You see, Dr Dorian, your problem is, you're a pansy.
If you were in my way, I'd throw you off this ledge right now.
We're out here alone.
No one would ever know.
I'm gonna I'm gonna I have to things.
Interns are fun.
I'm single.
That was more subtle in my head.
Relax, I already left a message on your machine asking you out.
- Really? - No.
- But I will before you go home.
- Works for me.
Dr Murdoch, Peter's developed a high-grade fever and a cough.
No problem.
Give him Ceftazidime one gram IV.
- How do you stay positive? - I don't let the bad stuff in.
Try not to get too overwhelmed.
Call me tonight when you get my message.
His butt? So listen, I've scheduled an appendectomy for you later.
Make sure you're good on potassium.
I got so much potassium, it's coming out of my assium you know what I mean? What I did was I took the word potassium and I dropped the first three letters made a doody joke.
Funny stuff.
- Looks like he bought it.
- Excuse me? So you had stage fright.
No big deal.
Happened to me once.
Really? I'd be more than glad to tell you what a lot of doctors do to relieve the stress.
Take a little trip to Palm-dale.
- What? - OK.
Give yourself the old low five.
- I'm not getting it.
- Physician love thyself.
You talking about Downtown Lester Brown? Lowers the heart rate, releases endorphins.
Basic physiology.
OK, you almost had me.
- You're not serious? - Yes, I am.
- No, you're not.
- Yes.
No.
Nobody hurts Carla and gets away with it.
Who's Carla? I was talking to myself.
Don't eavesdrop.
If this kid doesn't leave I'm gonna kill him.
Now, if you leave, I'll know you were eavesdropping and I'll go and kill you anyway.
Stay.
Good girl.
Tick, tock, Clarice.
Kelso's talk helped me figure out what I had to do.
Good timing.
Give me a hand with this Foley cath, will you? Whether or not Nick knew how jealous and competitive I'd been I felt I needed to step up, lay it out there and apologise like a man.
Are we cool? Yeah.
Besides, even if I was the star for a little while, he's the man now.
This belongs to you.
Thanks a lot, man.
Can you grab me some tape? Once you line up behind a strong leader, everyone picks up their game.
We need the results of this urine sample.
We began to function like a well-oiled machine.
Nick, I got the results back from the Nick? His blood cultures don't look good at all.
No problem.
Listen, I was thinking about what happened earlier and Anyway Here.
You dug down in your heart and came up with a muffin.
That's store-bought.
Blueberries the size of your fist.
I shouldn't have dragged you into it.
You don't know Turk.
Actually, I met him today.
We had a terrific chat.
Give the man a hand, that's just terrific work.
You know darn well that felt good.
Feeling better about yourself, aren't you? Real nice guy.
It's hard letting yourself be vulnerable with someone, you know? Just eat the damn muffin.
Even though I'm on call tonight, I'm not gonna let the bad stuff in.
Not gonna let myself get overwhelmed.
What? Friday, when you had people over, you locked yourself in your room - Because we brought the wrong chips.
- Look at me.
That was the old Elliot.
Help me find Dr Murdoch.
Peter's parents are here, he's not answering his page.
Sure.
You know, Elliot's not gonna let herself be overwhelmed any more.
She's been drinking.
- You look great! - You're not messing with me? No, but I'd like to.
Turk bought me this dress out of the blue.
I guess he knew I'd love it.
Look, Carla, back when I was an intern I remember the pressure being so insane that the only way I could get by was to race home and although my wife was asleep, I'd wake her, look her in the eyes and then passive-aggressively torture her until she packed a bag and went to her mom's for the week.
Does that Help? Like a big hug with words.
Just cos a guy has problems expressing himself that doesn't mean he doesn't need you.
Women so don't get me.
It's not even funny.
It's mind-boggling, quite frankly.
The whole thing is stunning.
The point is that it's the scrubs, right.
Because in jeans, my butt is a force to be reckoned with.
- We were looking for you.
- Nick, touch my butt, please.
Are you all right? That kid is eventually gonna die.
Whether it's today or tomorrow.
Or a month from now.
There's nothing I can do.
Nothing works.
His parents wanna talk to me.
What am I supposed to say? Peter lived a good long seven years? Seven years, man.
It's not fair.
I hate this place, this job.
- Nick, it's not your fault.
- I can't do it any more.
I'm done.
I'm done.
The scariest thing was I thought he was stronger than all of us.
Maybe it's not about being the best.
Maybe it's about finding little things that get you through the day.
Whether it's the support of someone close to you or letting yourself feel overwhelmed if only for a moment.
Or being selfless every once in a while.
I don't know.
I guess in the end, it's about surviving any way you can.
See you tomorrow.
You're stupid.
- That's it? - Give it time.
It'll eat at you.
- Am I stupid? - Yeah, a little bit.
Damn him!