Secret Diary of a Call Girl s01e07 Episode Script
Episode 7
Sex, like life, is often about the numbers.
With two people, the agenda's clear.
One gives, one receives.
But add a third and a fourth.
That's when things become complicated.
See ya.
:: board.
tv4user.
de presents:: :: Secret Diary Of A Call Girl:: :: Season 1- Episode 7:: :: Assembling: fatbrat:: Absolutely not.
No way.
No, I can't even believe you suggested it.
Fuck off.
No.
Why not? You're short of a partner.
Yeah, but I wasn't asking you.
I was just thinking aloud, telling you my problems.
Well, now it's not a problem.
Ben, this is a job.
A job you clearly have issues with.
- Not amateur gang-bang night.
- I know.
And I know that I can handle it.
Reckon I could do your job, do you? Organise the bar staff, order the drinks, do whatever it is you do? I think you're forgetting something.
I already know how to have sex.
Yeah, but not professionally.
Professionally? What exactly is it you think I do in my job? - Hannah! - Take the money, spread my legs, moan a bit? - I never said that.
- You have no idea.
- So show me.
Come on.
Makes perfect sense.
- Oh, Ben I've accepted what you do.
I've told you.
It's not a problem for me.
- Good.
- But I still don't understand it.
I still worry.
You keep telling me how it's all OK, how safe it usually is.
Why don't you let me see for myself? - It's not a good idea.
- Why not? Because it's more involved than you think.
Anyway, you're about to get married.
Yeah, well, maybe that's a part of it.
What, last gasp of freedom? Oh, come on.
Why does it matter why I want to do it? It matters cos it's my job My reputation.
That's the point.
I don't work with just anyone.
Then work with me.
No.
Most girls who do couples work have a regular partner.
The rest of us just point and click but not without caution.
Chiselled, classy, almost certainly gay.
Not right for this job.
Oh, I love these ones.
Amateurs with egos.
They take a few snaps of themselves in the back garden pay a fee to the agency and reckon they'll get paid to sleep around.
But I'm looking for a professional.
And how long have you been in the business? Three, four years.
Enjoy your work? Love sex.
Love women.
And what do you think you bring to a client's experience? Oh, hello.
My name's Benjamin.
- Benjamin.
- I'm here about the job.
I was just wondering if you could give me a few more details about the vacancy.
Well, perhaps you can tell me what you already know.
Only that it's for a foursome, and that you're short of a male partner.
And what exactly do you think the job entails? Sex, obviously.
Um watching.
Being watched.
I'm aware it's a very demanding position and that not everyone can do this kind of work.
This particular couple are first-timers.
And they've booked a couples date as an anniversary present for each other.
- Different.
- And in this case, they've asked for a straight swap, so I'll have sex with the husband and my male partner will sleep with the wife.
Sounds good.
Can I ask you, are you in a relationship at the moment? I'm engaged.
And you don't consider that to be a problem? - In what way? - Well, some people, just some, might think that a person who's about to get married shouldn't be getting paid to have sex.
Mm.
I've always been able to separate my sex life and my emotions.
- Really? - Yeah.
My friend says it's one of my best qualities.
She's got a similar thing, you see.
Able to emotionally detach.
Keep things separate.
She sounds like a very smart person.
Mm.
She is.
Smart, strong - Of course, I'd never say any of this to her.
- Course.
Just sometimes she cuts her nose off to spite her face.
Oh? Yeah.
Doesn't always let people in, you know? Even though deep down she knows it could solve a lot of problems.
- So I like to help her out.
- Even if it causes complications? I can handle it if you can.
Do you do this every time? All this No second chances to make a first impression.
See, this is where all the money goes.
Underwear, make-up Come on.
You're loaded.
I've seen all your little rolls of cash.
Go on.
How much do you make a year? Have to ask my accountant, love.
Come on.
Tell me.
Turnover last year - £105,000.
- Fuck me! - Seriously? - Told you you wouldn't like it.
- £32,000.
- Don't be ridiculous.
You can't compare.
I'm self-employed.
I have many expenses.
Laundry, booze, nibbles, - phone bills, mattresses.
- Yeah, all right.
I get it.
Anyway, I worked it out once.
It costs me £20,000 a year to be Belle.
- It costs £34 to be Ben.
- That much? There you go.
- Vodka? - It's all you're getting.
Otherwise the clients will smell it on your breath.
Oh It's all right.
Brought my own.
One? That's not going to get you very far.
Penis, fingers, toys, they all need their own condoms.
Basic hygiene.
- Nice.
- Oh, and always use one hand on yourself and the other on your - On my guest? - Exactly.
I like to keep things clean.
What if I don't fancy her? - She'll be fine.
- But what if she's not? - What if she's a real munter? - Doesn't matter.
When that doorbell rings, whatever's on the other side, we smile.
It's not the smiling I'm worried about.
Look, I don't fancy half the men I sleep with.
But I look at them and I think, I could have some fun.
An adventure, and that's enough.
- It'll be OK.
- How do you know that? Because I know you.
And I know how you make people feel.
What are you on about? I never felt shit when we were together.
Even if I looked crap or felt fat, it didn't matter.
You know how to make people feel good.
And if you take this, you won't let anyone down.
All male escorts use Viagra.
It's standard practice.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Belle? - Hi, hello.
Come in.
- Kate and - Liam.
- Liam.
Hello.
This is Ben.
- Hi.
- Hi.
So you found us OK? Yeah, yeah.
It was fine.
We didn't have far.
Just Hendon.
- The RAF Museum.
- Yeah.
- Shall I take your coats? - Thanks.
- Would you like to come through? - Thank you.
- Oh, feel free.
Here.
- Oh.
Thanks.
I wasn't sure.
You know, not many places you can, these days.
Well, this is one where you most certainly can.
Uh, can I get anybody a drink? Some champagne, maybe? Oh, lovely.
- Seeing as we're celebrating.
- Yeah.
15 years.
Can't believe it.
Well, 20, actually.
We were together for five before we got married.
That's quite an achievement.
Not quite there yet, are we, darling? Eight years, though.
Oh.
So you two are a real I mean You are together? We weren't sure if you'd be a couple.
Actually, we met at university.
Oh.
Snap.
We went to Nottingham.
- Newcastle.
- Ah, Newcastle.
Alan Shearer.
Sting.
Coal.
- Er I'll just get the drinks.
- Do you need a hand? No, darling.
I'm fine, thank you.
Um I don't know if you Oh, lovely.
Thank you.
Won't be a sec.
So 20 years together, huh? - You don't look old enough.
- Ha, ha! Thanks.
Two people, three sexual agendas.
His, hers, theirs.
The question is, are they compatible? As we haven't spoken before, it would be great to know if there were something specific you want, you know, how you'd like to spend our time together.
Oh, we just thought we'd kind of play it by ear, sort of thing.
OK, that's fine.
We can do that.
And was there a particular fantasy or something you'd like to explore? Actually, I did wonder if I mean, I'm not a lesbian I'm sure that would be something we could all enjoy.
I know I would.
What do you think, Liam? Yeah.
That would be great.
It's something we've often talked about, you know.
I tell you what, why don't you two have a lovely shower whilst Ben and I get everything ready? OK.
Darling, could you get our guests some towels, please? Sure.
So, am I doing all right? Charming, funny, incredibly knowledgeable about industrial northern cities.
Coal.
Can you believe I said that? Just relax, it's fine.
- Is there any music you'd like? - Oh, anything, really.
Apart from Simply Red! Can't be all bad.
Right, quick.
Underwear.
We need to change it.
What do you mean, change? I've only got these.
Mine, not yours.
This isn't right for them.
It's a bit hardcore.
Right.
What do you think? Retro.
Von Teese? I see your tastes haven't changed.
Not the only thing that hasn't changed.
Not the only thing that hasn't changed.
You said it would take at least half an hour to kick in.
- Don't knock it.
- I'm not.
Remember, though, she's paying for her orgasm, not yours.
Oh, my God.
Liam, come here.
Why don't you watch me and Kate have a play? Ben.
Ben! Ben.
Ben.
Come here.
- You two have a good time? - Sure we do.
Good.
- No, we can't.
- Why not? - Come on, Hannah.
- It's Belle, alright? You did well.
Didn't do anything did we? You gave 'em what they here came for, you should feel pleased.
I just feel Don't know what I feel.
It just wasn't I don't know, it wasn't what I've expected.
You're alright? Still with that this is excitement and then or the anticipation, it's just adrenalin.
Thank you.
Thank you so much! Don't thank us.
You two were amazing.
He does it all, you're obviously still crazy about each other.
I hope we're still like you guys after 20 years.
Not so badly at all.
Thanks, Belle.
Ben.
- Nice job.
- You too.
Come on, you.
- Bye.
- Bye.
See, it's not just opening my legs and moaning, is it? No, it's a total mindfuck.
Sure you don't wanna take any blue little friends? As a gift for Vanessa? Fuck off! Cheers.
- Think I'll call you tomorrow.
- Yeah.
It's been a an education keeping things separate.
You're very good.
The best.
- Good night.
- Night.
Sex is really a numbers game.
Group sex is complicated but that's mechanics.
For me, the hardest numbers have always been 1 plus 1.
It never seems for them to add up :: Assembling: fatbrat:: Why do you want to be a cortisan, Belle? I'm ready to take the next step up the ladder.
Being at the top of my profession means I'm completely in charge.
I'm with Diamond International now.
It's been lovely, Ladies.
This is your apartment if you want it.
No? What do you know about real life? Gonna be an Uber-whore.
But it's still fucking in the end.
You've lied about all, you? everyone, for this.
For all this shit!
With two people, the agenda's clear.
One gives, one receives.
But add a third and a fourth.
That's when things become complicated.
See ya.
:: board.
tv4user.
de presents:: :: Secret Diary Of A Call Girl:: :: Season 1- Episode 7:: :: Assembling: fatbrat:: Absolutely not.
No way.
No, I can't even believe you suggested it.
Fuck off.
No.
Why not? You're short of a partner.
Yeah, but I wasn't asking you.
I was just thinking aloud, telling you my problems.
Well, now it's not a problem.
Ben, this is a job.
A job you clearly have issues with.
- Not amateur gang-bang night.
- I know.
And I know that I can handle it.
Reckon I could do your job, do you? Organise the bar staff, order the drinks, do whatever it is you do? I think you're forgetting something.
I already know how to have sex.
Yeah, but not professionally.
Professionally? What exactly is it you think I do in my job? - Hannah! - Take the money, spread my legs, moan a bit? - I never said that.
- You have no idea.
- So show me.
Come on.
Makes perfect sense.
- Oh, Ben I've accepted what you do.
I've told you.
It's not a problem for me.
- Good.
- But I still don't understand it.
I still worry.
You keep telling me how it's all OK, how safe it usually is.
Why don't you let me see for myself? - It's not a good idea.
- Why not? Because it's more involved than you think.
Anyway, you're about to get married.
Yeah, well, maybe that's a part of it.
What, last gasp of freedom? Oh, come on.
Why does it matter why I want to do it? It matters cos it's my job My reputation.
That's the point.
I don't work with just anyone.
Then work with me.
No.
Most girls who do couples work have a regular partner.
The rest of us just point and click but not without caution.
Chiselled, classy, almost certainly gay.
Not right for this job.
Oh, I love these ones.
Amateurs with egos.
They take a few snaps of themselves in the back garden pay a fee to the agency and reckon they'll get paid to sleep around.
But I'm looking for a professional.
And how long have you been in the business? Three, four years.
Enjoy your work? Love sex.
Love women.
And what do you think you bring to a client's experience? Oh, hello.
My name's Benjamin.
- Benjamin.
- I'm here about the job.
I was just wondering if you could give me a few more details about the vacancy.
Well, perhaps you can tell me what you already know.
Only that it's for a foursome, and that you're short of a male partner.
And what exactly do you think the job entails? Sex, obviously.
Um watching.
Being watched.
I'm aware it's a very demanding position and that not everyone can do this kind of work.
This particular couple are first-timers.
And they've booked a couples date as an anniversary present for each other.
- Different.
- And in this case, they've asked for a straight swap, so I'll have sex with the husband and my male partner will sleep with the wife.
Sounds good.
Can I ask you, are you in a relationship at the moment? I'm engaged.
And you don't consider that to be a problem? - In what way? - Well, some people, just some, might think that a person who's about to get married shouldn't be getting paid to have sex.
Mm.
I've always been able to separate my sex life and my emotions.
- Really? - Yeah.
My friend says it's one of my best qualities.
She's got a similar thing, you see.
Able to emotionally detach.
Keep things separate.
She sounds like a very smart person.
Mm.
She is.
Smart, strong - Of course, I'd never say any of this to her.
- Course.
Just sometimes she cuts her nose off to spite her face.
Oh? Yeah.
Doesn't always let people in, you know? Even though deep down she knows it could solve a lot of problems.
- So I like to help her out.
- Even if it causes complications? I can handle it if you can.
Do you do this every time? All this No second chances to make a first impression.
See, this is where all the money goes.
Underwear, make-up Come on.
You're loaded.
I've seen all your little rolls of cash.
Go on.
How much do you make a year? Have to ask my accountant, love.
Come on.
Tell me.
Turnover last year - £105,000.
- Fuck me! - Seriously? - Told you you wouldn't like it.
- £32,000.
- Don't be ridiculous.
You can't compare.
I'm self-employed.
I have many expenses.
Laundry, booze, nibbles, - phone bills, mattresses.
- Yeah, all right.
I get it.
Anyway, I worked it out once.
It costs me £20,000 a year to be Belle.
- It costs £34 to be Ben.
- That much? There you go.
- Vodka? - It's all you're getting.
Otherwise the clients will smell it on your breath.
Oh It's all right.
Brought my own.
One? That's not going to get you very far.
Penis, fingers, toys, they all need their own condoms.
Basic hygiene.
- Nice.
- Oh, and always use one hand on yourself and the other on your - On my guest? - Exactly.
I like to keep things clean.
What if I don't fancy her? - She'll be fine.
- But what if she's not? - What if she's a real munter? - Doesn't matter.
When that doorbell rings, whatever's on the other side, we smile.
It's not the smiling I'm worried about.
Look, I don't fancy half the men I sleep with.
But I look at them and I think, I could have some fun.
An adventure, and that's enough.
- It'll be OK.
- How do you know that? Because I know you.
And I know how you make people feel.
What are you on about? I never felt shit when we were together.
Even if I looked crap or felt fat, it didn't matter.
You know how to make people feel good.
And if you take this, you won't let anyone down.
All male escorts use Viagra.
It's standard practice.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Belle? - Hi, hello.
Come in.
- Kate and - Liam.
- Liam.
Hello.
This is Ben.
- Hi.
- Hi.
So you found us OK? Yeah, yeah.
It was fine.
We didn't have far.
Just Hendon.
- The RAF Museum.
- Yeah.
- Shall I take your coats? - Thanks.
- Would you like to come through? - Thank you.
- Oh, feel free.
Here.
- Oh.
Thanks.
I wasn't sure.
You know, not many places you can, these days.
Well, this is one where you most certainly can.
Uh, can I get anybody a drink? Some champagne, maybe? Oh, lovely.
- Seeing as we're celebrating.
- Yeah.
15 years.
Can't believe it.
Well, 20, actually.
We were together for five before we got married.
That's quite an achievement.
Not quite there yet, are we, darling? Eight years, though.
Oh.
So you two are a real I mean You are together? We weren't sure if you'd be a couple.
Actually, we met at university.
Oh.
Snap.
We went to Nottingham.
- Newcastle.
- Ah, Newcastle.
Alan Shearer.
Sting.
Coal.
- Er I'll just get the drinks.
- Do you need a hand? No, darling.
I'm fine, thank you.
Um I don't know if you Oh, lovely.
Thank you.
Won't be a sec.
So 20 years together, huh? - You don't look old enough.
- Ha, ha! Thanks.
Two people, three sexual agendas.
His, hers, theirs.
The question is, are they compatible? As we haven't spoken before, it would be great to know if there were something specific you want, you know, how you'd like to spend our time together.
Oh, we just thought we'd kind of play it by ear, sort of thing.
OK, that's fine.
We can do that.
And was there a particular fantasy or something you'd like to explore? Actually, I did wonder if I mean, I'm not a lesbian I'm sure that would be something we could all enjoy.
I know I would.
What do you think, Liam? Yeah.
That would be great.
It's something we've often talked about, you know.
I tell you what, why don't you two have a lovely shower whilst Ben and I get everything ready? OK.
Darling, could you get our guests some towels, please? Sure.
So, am I doing all right? Charming, funny, incredibly knowledgeable about industrial northern cities.
Coal.
Can you believe I said that? Just relax, it's fine.
- Is there any music you'd like? - Oh, anything, really.
Apart from Simply Red! Can't be all bad.
Right, quick.
Underwear.
We need to change it.
What do you mean, change? I've only got these.
Mine, not yours.
This isn't right for them.
It's a bit hardcore.
Right.
What do you think? Retro.
Von Teese? I see your tastes haven't changed.
Not the only thing that hasn't changed.
Not the only thing that hasn't changed.
You said it would take at least half an hour to kick in.
- Don't knock it.
- I'm not.
Remember, though, she's paying for her orgasm, not yours.
Oh, my God.
Liam, come here.
Why don't you watch me and Kate have a play? Ben.
Ben! Ben.
Ben.
Come here.
- You two have a good time? - Sure we do.
Good.
- No, we can't.
- Why not? - Come on, Hannah.
- It's Belle, alright? You did well.
Didn't do anything did we? You gave 'em what they here came for, you should feel pleased.
I just feel Don't know what I feel.
It just wasn't I don't know, it wasn't what I've expected.
You're alright? Still with that this is excitement and then or the anticipation, it's just adrenalin.
Thank you.
Thank you so much! Don't thank us.
You two were amazing.
He does it all, you're obviously still crazy about each other.
I hope we're still like you guys after 20 years.
Not so badly at all.
Thanks, Belle.
Ben.
- Nice job.
- You too.
Come on, you.
- Bye.
- Bye.
See, it's not just opening my legs and moaning, is it? No, it's a total mindfuck.
Sure you don't wanna take any blue little friends? As a gift for Vanessa? Fuck off! Cheers.
- Think I'll call you tomorrow.
- Yeah.
It's been a an education keeping things separate.
You're very good.
The best.
- Good night.
- Night.
Sex is really a numbers game.
Group sex is complicated but that's mechanics.
For me, the hardest numbers have always been 1 plus 1.
It never seems for them to add up :: Assembling: fatbrat:: Why do you want to be a cortisan, Belle? I'm ready to take the next step up the ladder.
Being at the top of my profession means I'm completely in charge.
I'm with Diamond International now.
It's been lovely, Ladies.
This is your apartment if you want it.
No? What do you know about real life? Gonna be an Uber-whore.
But it's still fucking in the end.
You've lied about all, you? everyone, for this.
For all this shit!