Seed (2013) s01e07 Episode Script

Wow.
You have a 'Mommy and Me' group meeting at the Ritz? This old thing? I guess it's been a while since I went on a proper date.
Did you say 'date'? Yeah.
Isn't that kind of wrong? Why, because of "us"? You are such a hypocrite, you've probably slept with half the women in this bar.
It wasn't sex but it wasn't not sex.
Call it 3 out of 7.
So no, not half, Rose.
But I'm not pregnant.
What's that got to do with anything? Oh.
You're jealous.
Of some dorky nerd you're going on a date with? Right.
"Look at me, I finish books!" Well, I have a date.
And he's a total catch.
Catches don't date pregnant women.
They make their own.
Number 3 is right.
Hi.
Is there anything I can do to you? For you? Have sex with me.
I'm just meeting a date.
So that's a 'no'? Rose.
Hi, Aaron.
Let's get out of here.
Sure.
- Bye.
- Bye.
He is not that good looking.
He was wearing a body brace.
You could see it through his shirt.
Those were muscles.
But how is Rose scoring that? Is it like a make-a-wish thing? Do they do that for pregnant women? I used to give, give, give.
I gave to these two ladies.
That's my boy.
Oh, and I'm also their donor.
That's kind of my daughter, huh huh huh.
And she's a little bit pregnant with my baby too.
I'm Harry, but the kids, they call me dad.
Dad? Why are you home so early? Oh, hi sweetie.
It was quiet at work.
Most of my department's been reduced, outsourced to India, so- Oh my God.
You've been fired? Oh no, it's not like that.
I learned about outsourcing in school.
Poor people in third world countries are getting good jobs.
It's awful.
It's just a change in my work situation.
You don't have to be brave for me, Daddy.
I just copied an essay from the internet for my world issues class, about Occupy Wall Street.
You're being oppressed.
You want some company? You want to hang out with me? We can make sacrifices to get through this.
When I turn sixteen, I'll be okay with a used car.
A used convertible.
You're a good kid.
Wait, what are you doing home? Sticking it to the man.
School, with their fascist three-thirty final bell.
I'm off to my next appointment.
Anastasia, what are you doing home? It's only two o'clock.
Uh, she wasn't feeling well.
I picked her up.
Oh.
Well feel better.
- Bye.
- Bye bye.
Your mother wouldn't understand.
She's totally bought into the system, you know? Just another brick in the wall.
What? I've got so much to teach you.
You're about to join the Dark Side.
Of the moon.
'Kay just hold still, we're almost done.
Are the lice clean yet? No one needs to know about your lice, okay bud? This can just be between us, and the hundreds of parasites living on your head.
Hundreds? Cool.
Can I keep them as pets? Um, maybe.
But let's just wash them again with these harsh chemicals to see what happens.
Okay.
So, do I email the principal or just put a note in Billy's backpack? You can't tell the school about this! They'll think we're dirty and poor.
Nobody thinks that.
We have to take responsibility- Hey.
You never knock! You are just in time for the second scrubbing.
Billy has the L word.
Lesbianism? Lice.
Lice? But you're not dirty and poor.
Are you? I'm gonna skip today's visit, ladies.
Don't be paranoid.
Paranoid people don't get lice.
This is lice Shangri-la.
Okay, they would set up all-inclusives if they could.
Oh.
I don't know what that amazingly sexy Adonis sees in her.
Obviously not a fertilized egg.
Jealous? No, again, I'm not jealous, Rose.
I mean who cares that he has a perfect smile? Not me.
I was asking Irene.
I'm not jealous.
I'm scared.
The natural order is out of whack.
So uh, how did Mr.
Perfect take the news that you're pregnant? Oh.
He was, you know, I can't remember if I told him yet.
Oh.
'Oh' what? She didn't tell him that she's pregnant.
Order restored.
Okay I'm only a little bit pregnant.
And I don't have to tell everybody everything.
He's so going to dump you.
He is not going to dump me.
My experience with men has taught me that Damn it.
Hey.
Some guys are jerks.
Would you date a pregnant woman? Ahh God, my shift is over.
Time for me to go to elsewhere.
And enjoy some scheduled time with my son.
I thought you'd abandoned Billy when you found out he had lice.
Abandoned? No.
We're taking a break.
Having a little me time.
I'm going to go home, take it easy, have a brandy Hi, Brandy.
Now that was a documentary.
See? Those big corporations are useless.
They serve no purpose.
It's great that we could get this corporate greed movie through Netflix.
I never even knew before about product placement.
The way they sneak their stuff onto TV shows.
Pepsi? Thanks! Mmm.
That's good.
We should listen to some anti-big corporation protest songs.
Yes! We can download them through iTunes using our super-fast Rogers High-Speed internet.
I'll tell my friends to visit 'Rogers-dot-com' to learn more.
This is fun.
Hanging out with my daughter.
Stickin' it to "the man".
Yeah.
Your school-work isn't going to suffer, is it? Oh no, this is great, I have to do a paper on the working poor.
I was going to volunteer at the soup kitchen, but now that we're broke, I can write about us.
I wouldn't say that- Hey.
Are you two celebrating your father's promotion without me? Promotion? Your father just convinced the partners to out-source some jobs to India.
Less work, more money! What? Yep, he's the man! Ah.
You're the man! Look, I don't know where this is going, but I'm really enjoying myself.
I'm not scaring you off, am I? Look there's something I have to tell you.
I'm- Beautiful.
No.
Look, the thing is I'm- Completely captivating.
Stop that.
Ohhhh.
God, that is so sweet.
Look, Aaron, I'm- Pregnant.
Would you let me finish? How did you know? Well, I'm a forensic detective.
There were clues.
You didn't order wine at dinner.
Well, maybe I'm an alcoholic.
Or already drunk and really high-functioning.
We met outside an OBGYN's office.
Maybe I have a cyst.
Well, the most telling clue of all is that you're glowing.
Oh, you're good.
Harry.
Shhh.
We can talk later.
Maybe.
Harry.
You have lice.
They're not mine.
Just hold still, we're almost done.
Your kid gave me lice.
So when he brings you a beer he's your kid, but when he brings you lice, he's ours.
Nice.
Hey, Crabs, syphilis, gonorrhea, I can handle that.
But you brought lice into my home! My home! I should probably just shave your head.
Whoa! This is our fault.
We should have taken responsibility.
We have to tell his school.
Can't we just keep him at home? Say Billy has jury duty? You're going to have to wash your linens, vacuum, clean your furniture.
Ah, man.
I did that six months ago.
That was so much work.
Well, better get going then.
Let me clean your apartment, it's the least I could do.
I don't know, Zoey.
Just make sure to get to the fridge too.
The deli drawer really needs to be clean-de-lice-inated.
Okay but I'm always the thimble.
Oh, hi Dad.
I invited Harry over because he's a regular person.
Don't send him to Indiana! India.
I'm sorry I'm using you to get even with my Dad.
I'm used to that happening.
The women are usually older.
And drunker.
I know what you're thinking but being rich is not easy.
Your Dad is right.
Being rich is really hard.
Okay, go ahead, make fun of me- I'm lame, I read non-fiction.
I earn money.
I'm serious.
It's better being poor.
Look at your Dad.
He's cut off from his fellow man.
Sure, his wallet is full, but his heart is empty.
Empty and alone.
Hey buddy.
It's okay.
I appreciate your help Harry, but- Look at the way rich people have to dress.
It's embarrassing.
Harry's over- stating a bit.
It's okay, look.
We're here for you, OK.
You spend your days working hard, and miss out on life's pleasures that us regular people enjoy.
Actually, rich people work less.
I'm, like, always home.
Be serious.
You carry the weight of making this economy work.
Pshaw.
Being rich is not hard.
That is just something rich people say, so as not to rub our happiness into poor people's dirty faces.
Not true! The pressure- The pressure of deciding where to vacation? The pressure of buying whatever I want? And I'll never go to prison.
Unless I commit a crime against a richer person.
Everyone knows that rich people are better than poor people! We control the world, Harry! "Being rich is hard.
" Ha.
Ha.
Ha.
Being rich is hard.
Come on Harry, let's go play Monopoly.
I told Aaron I'm pregnant.
And you've broken up, and managed to stay friends.
You sir, are a great guy.
Nope.
We're going steady.
But she's pregnant.
I know, isn't that great? Huh.
Well, I don't want to get into how I know Rose; It's kind of complicated- You're her sperm donor.
Well, when you put it that way, I guess it's not that complicated.
So Rose tells me that you're a cop? Yeah.
Guess you don't have to be super-bright to go to cop school, right? Well, most forensic detectives have a post-grad.
I have a PhD in chemistry.
So not really a cop.
More of a nerd.
I bet the real cops tease you a lot.
Must be tough.
Anyway drinks are on the house; You civil servants don't get paid much.
I made most of my money in the private sector.
So I donate my salary to the Police Widow's Fund.
It makes Mom proud.
Oh, Momma's boy.
I guess so.
We do live together.
Really? Well, I bought her a house next to mine for her to live out her last days.
It's my priest.
I better get this.
He's having a crisis of faith.
Hello? Ah, he's perfect.
Then why is he dating you? I mean, a pregnant woman.
I mean, you look beautiful! You're really good at surfing the web with one hand.
Thanks.
I'm looking up this guy Rose is seeing.
That's creepy.
Yes, he is.
No, I meant you.
Oh, no.
What? There's a picture of him Ew winning a humanitarian award.
Ugh.
Oh my Universe.
I know that guy.
He hit on me when I was pregnant with Billy.
We met outside my OBGYN office.
Wait, he hit on you when you were pregnant? Yep.
And he ended up dating a girl in my pre-natal class.
Oh my God! I just solved the Aaron mystery.
He's got a pregnancy fetish.
Oh yeah.
I'm open and accepting but.
.
That's kind of weird.
I need to tell Rose.
Hello Brandy I have lice.
Oh my god.
I am so sorry.
Like I said the other day, I got it from my sperm son.
No, I'm sorry.
Apparently my roommate had it, a couple weeks ago.
I gave it to you when we first hooked up.
I didn't know.
So I gave it to Billy? You gave me lice! Sorry, did you say something? You gave me lice! Ugh, I know.
Zoey, there's something I need to tell you.
I'm pretty sure I saw lice behind the toilet.
You better scrub everywhere.
What is it? Anastasia's textbook.
Did you know that one in eight people use a food bank? Rich people are so cut off from the average person's suffering.
I wouldn't say we were cut off.
By the way we're out of the caviar the mayor gave us.
I said the rich.
We're not "the rich".
No.
We're just "the well off".
We're "the rich"? Like the top ten percent? So we're not- - the top one percent, are we? I love you.
Look at you, living in this place while the rest of humanity suffers! You live here too.
Thousand dollar suits.
Your clothes cost more than mine.
And your trophy wife.
Oh, please.
No, I would give her that one.
Ah, you're part of the one percent too.
We all are.
I don't need your money.
I don't want any of it.
You don't want my money? Our money.
I do make quite a bit more You don't want our money? Fine.
Damn credit card.
I'll get the scissors.
I'm going to hang with the ninety-nine percent! Wear something warm! But not fur! They'll throw paint on you.
Hi.
Is Harry here? He had to run out.
Can you give this to him? "No More Mr.
Lice Guy"? This is delousing shampoo? Please tell him I'm sorry again.
He was so upset when I told him.
Harry got lice from you? Yeah, I'm not dirty or poor.
This place looks great.
What do you charge? I could use a good cleaning woman.
Welcome to my crib.
Thanks.
Let me just get the stereo.
I um, really like your place.
Nice and womby, isn't it? Excuse me? It's roomy.
Some wine? I'm pregnant, remember? Of course.
But these are all non-alcoholic.
Oh.
Great.
Ugh, it's Harry.
So annoying.
This is our time.
How about some B-12 and Folic Acid? I got some chewables, tablets.
Unbelievable.
Harry again.
Maybe it's urgent.
Oh, believe me, it's not.
Hey, would you happen to have some ultrasound pictures? Yeah.
Oh, nice.
Look at that.
Very, very nice.
Could you send that to me? You don't think that's weird do you? No.
It's sweet.
He's texting now? Oh my God What? Anastasia's getting arrested! I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
Harry.
Are you okay? Yeah.
You were shoplifting? I didn't mean not to pay.
I just forgot.
And I don't have any money on me.
Have you ever tazered a raccoon? Why is Billy with you? I'm doing a paper in school about poverty.
And Billy has lice.
I'd do the paper on myself but it turns out I'm rich.
She's going to have to come to the station.
That won't be necessary.
I'll handle this one, guys.
Let's get out of here.
Thanks for coming.
Since Aaron's a cop, I figured Of course.
But there's something I have to tell you about him.
Is this about the Olympics? Cause he's really not ready to talk about that bronze.
What? No.
He's a pregnant-dater.
I know, I'm pregnant.
He's dating me.
No, no, he's got a pregnancy fetish.
A fetish? You really are jealous.
No, I'm not jealous, I just don't think you should date someone else.
I just think you should be alone.
Do I tell you not to get into relationships with other women? You don't get a slightly weird vibe from him? Of course he'd have to be weird to be dating me.
Is that what you're saying? It can't be because he likes me.
He is not a fetishist.
He's fetishist-ish? Listen fellas, I think we can sweep this one under the rug and let her go.
She's from a rich family.
Really? Her brother said he had lice.
I didn't have any money, and we had already opened our food.
I thought I could just come back with money.
Like when you have a personal shopper.
I should have just believed you when you said you were rich.
This coulda cost me my badge.
Daddy! Are you okay? How dare you do this to our daughter? Do you know what people like us could do to people like you? Crush you.
I'm so sorry.
She can have the items no charge.
This is great.
Why don't more people become rich? You took advantage of my good nature.
I will kill you! I'm gonna go talk to Aaron.
Okay- Moms! Hey! Look, by the time I found out I got the lice from someone else you were mostly finished cleaning, so Zoey shouldn't have had to clean your place anyway! Even if Billy had given you lice.
But that's so unfair.
It's always: "Harry do this.
Harry do that.
" What does Harry get out of it? I mean, when's my time? I'm always looking after Billy.
No one looks after me! Yeah.
That's how it works.
Being a parent is a one-way street.
Because all children are parasites.
Parasites that you love with all your heart! You think I'm a lice.
It's louse, honey.
And we think you're the most amazing thing ever.
Yeah.
And thanks to you, Billy is now known as the Lice Kid at his school.
Harry gave me lice? No, I didn't.
Own up to it, Harry.
This is what being a parent is all about.
You have to take the good with the bad.
Hey pal.
I gave you lice.
I'm sorry.
Thanks, Harry! I got to hang out with the school nurse who is so cool.
And I met my new best friend, Enrico.
He has tapeworms.
You're welcome, buddy.
Just part of being a parent.
Unbelievable.
Do you have tapeworms? Can you give me them too? Mom, can I have a tapeworm? Pleeaasse.
I'll feed it myself.
Oh, I have to get something from the corner store.
Thanks for saving the day.
Now where were we? Woah woah.
Not here, Rose Oh.
I think I just felt the baby kick.
I'm not sure but Oh Wow, what was that for? Well the thought of your baby kicking made me a little frisky.
Ew.
Aaron? I'm sorry, do I know you? Zoey! How are you? Good.
I'll leave you two.
So it's true? You do have a pregnancy fetish? Well, I have a thing for pregnant women, and I think you're beautiful.
That's disgusting.
But I don't just see you as a pregnant woman.
Once I got to know you, I realized there was a lot more to you than that fetus.
I mean you're amazing.
I see a fourth, fifth, sixth trimester with you.
Really? Oh, Aaron.
Aaron? Check out the baby bump on that.
Oh well, you can't blame a guy for looking.
It's not fair that rich people get discriminated against just because we have more.
Dad's a good person.
I'm a good person.
You're you.
You're right, kiddo.
The persecution of the wealthy has to stop.
We don't create wars over oil.
We don't lower our own taxes.
The politicians do it.
And we get blamed.
And you know who owns the politicians.
The Super Elite Rich.
The point-one percent.
They're the ones who spoil it for all of us.
Damn the super-rich! That's my girl.
Can I have my credit card back, I want to buy stuff.
Of course, honey! That's what we do.
Where's Aaron? He left.
I'm sorry I accused you of being jealous.
You were just looking out for me.
I was.
It was kinda weird seeing you with another guy.
So if it feels strange seeing me with all the hot women I date, well I'm sorry.
They're not that hot.
Ah, they're pretty hot.
But, I mean, so are you.
Not because I'm pregnant? Definitely not.
Thanks, that's sweet.
I feel bad about the stuff I said about corporations sneaking their messages into movies and TV shows.
I'm sure they wouldn't take it personally, they're too busy serving and protecting us.
Can I watch TV with you? Sure.
What's on? Whatever they'll let us watch.
On the house.
Thanks! Hey can you pee on this pregnancy test for me? And give me Aaron's number? Anastasia wants to interview us because she thinks we're the working poor.
But we have a cleaning person.
That bathroom was filthy.
You really need to teach Billy how to aim.