Single White Spenny (2011) s01e07 Episode Script
Meeting Andy Patel
I own a novelty shop, so I'm used to the unusual and the bizarre.
But Jessica dating a guy with money? Get outta town.
Bye, Andy.
Goodbye, my sweet.
### Was I just hallucinating or did I just see you out on a date with a guy with a $75,000 car? Well, you know it's kinda cramped, like, it's kinda hard to make out in it.
Make out in? Spenny? Spenny?! Wha- What the hell is this? I was gonna surprise you.
It's my new doll! Don't you love it? It-it's me! No, it isn't.
It looks just like me! I don't see it.
How do you not see it?! Look at the nose! Look at the mouth! Well, it's also got two legs! Doesn't mean it's you! Look, I'm an artiste.
I draw my influences from many different sources.
What you're holding in your hand is perhaps my greatest work ever.
It's our meal ticket! And here's the best part- I want you to do the voice.
Of course you want me to do the voice, because it's me.
What are you gonna call it? The baby Jessica doll? It's called "the baby no one wants!" Huh?! Why?! Because it looks like me?! No! Jessica! You don't know the first thing about marketing! People are going to want to buy this doll, because it's called the baby nobody wants.
And when they hear it talk with your voice, saying stuff like, "mommy, please don't put me in a dumpster!" I don't want anybody putting me in a dumpster! It's not you! Look at it!!! Look at it!!! I can't believe you're ruining the best day of my life! I gotta get the hell out of here! I need some air! You need more than air! How about a personality and a good work ethic?! I don't see it! My name is Spenny.
I've been accused of being an emotionally-stunted man child.
Incapable of having a functional relationship.
All I really want is to find love.
Is that such a crime? So, who was this mystery man with the expensive car and bad taste in women? Was he the guy I saw in my store yesterday? Tell me- Your eyes, what do you call this colour? My eyes are a natural green-gray.
Jessica, staff meeting now.
I'm with a customer! I consider myself to be fun-loving with a great sense of humor.
Basically, I'm just looking for someone to share my next big adventure with.
I'll give you an adventure.
Jessica! It can wait!!! His name might be on the sign but basically, I run the place.
Mr.
Spenny, my name is Andy Patel.
Just wanted to shake the hand of the man who wrote, "The Book Of Poop.
" It has a hollow place on the side table in my dining room.
Thank you very much.
Most people, don't even admit they bought the book.
Yet we all do it.
So true.
So, Andy, are we still on for tonight? Of course we are, my sweet.
I am looking forward to it.
Mr.
Spenny, so good to finally have met.
You have inspired in ways you cannot fathom.
My pleasure You actually have a date with that guy? Yeah, I gotta leave early.
I gotta get a wax.
A Brazilian.
Did he actually use the word date? What do you think he meant when he said, "let's go get a latte, baby"? Jessica and that guy ca: Shut up!!! ### Excuse me, Sir, I understand you have a novelty doll that's going to be a big financial hit.
When that money starts to roll in, you're going to need financial advice on tax shelters, hedges, things of that nature- I could make a lot of money with the doll, you're right, Phil.
Phil? I don't know to whom you're referring- What's with the fake mustache? It helps me toggle between financial Phil and lady shoe salesman Phil.
Do you want my card? No.
Hi, Phil.
Hello- I need another mustache- SLAM! So, remember last week when I was telling you about that guy I was texting named Billy Ray from prison? You never told me you were dating a guy from prison! Dating? Nuh uh.
Texting.
Anyway, the question is, should I ask him what he's in for? Or, will that hurt his feelings? Hurt his feelings? The man's a felon! You have to end it! WHO, thinks I'm the hottest thing.
Of course he thinks you're hot! Your competition is his cell mate! You're right! I'll end it with somebody who totally gets what I'm about because it'll make you happy.
Chelsea, look at me.
He's a BAD man.
And you're so perfect? This new product I have coming out, I'm very excited about it.
It's probably going to make a lot of money.
When the money rolls in, I'm not gonna forget you, so you don't have to go there- Spencer, my reward will be to see you successful.
To see me successful? Are you feeling okay? Yes! Let's talk more about you.
Talk more about me? Are you on something? No, no, it's just a process I go through every seven years.
Every seven years I allow my private parts to have a little rest.
Do I want to be listening to this? All good farmers allow their fields to fall fallow to rebuild the nutrients.
It's very tiring.
I, uh, find it very difficult- Thank you.
To, uh- To re-resist my impulses.
Hang on, I'm feeling a wave! No, no- No, no.
So, what was the question, dear? Um, the question is why I keep having lunch with you? ### Francine, don't be so obvious.
When Andy bought you that latte, what did you say? I said make it with cinnamon and leave the stick in.
You have such confidence! What- Is that- Andy? Opening a store across the street? Yeah, now I can look at his butt everyday.
Hi, Spenny.
You look particularly Keanu Reeve-ish today.
Francine, don't you have a job at another store down the street? That maybe you should be at right now? You seem to know a lot about me.
Like I'm living in your brain.
Um, do you mind being crazy over here? I'm going to go say hello to Andy.
For the love of God, don't you scare him away! If you didn't, I won't.
Oh! Hey, Andy.
You opened a store across the street- Uh, what is it? Like, tandoori house? Yeah, yeah, you know, tandoo-- We are known for it.
Tell me, Jessica had mentioned something about a new novelty gift item that you're working on.
I'm intrigued, what is it? Well, it's very exciting, but I can't finish it until she does the voice for the doll.
Oh, it's a doll? It's called, "The Baby No One Wants.
" It's genius, because the baby is so pathetic-looking that it actually will make people feel sorry for it, they'll buy it, then they'll take it home and take care of it.
It's genius! I'd like to get my hands on this doll.
You know, for Jessica to do the voice.
For you So This is great.
Andy's going to help me get that idiot Jessica to record the voice for my doll.
He wants me to charm her during dinner tonight.
But I don't want to stand out like a third wheel.
So, I should bring a date, but who? It's such short notice.
Still thinking I'd like to propose a toast, to what will hopefully be one of many double dates together.
Here, here! Jessica, my love, aren't you going to raise your glass? Andy, sweet, I'm just trying to understand why.
Spenny is here on our romantic evening.
Is he the designated idiot? I'm here, because Andy invited me.
And it was an opportunity that I wanted to take advantage of.
And luckily, Francine was available too.
Yeah, that was a real stroke of luck.
So, Mr.
Spenny, tell us, what is new in the world of novelty gift items? Andy, tonight we don't talk business.
It's all pleasure.
Pleasure! Alright, I get what's going on here, okay? I totally get it and I'm not going to play around with your little charade anymore.
Come on, Andy, let's go.
Jeicica, my love, Mr.
Spenny has a story to tell.
And I think we owe it to him to listen to it.
Please sit.
For me.
Okay.
But, make it quick.
This Brazilian isn't going to last forever.
Okay, this is my chance to win her over.
I think I was about five years old when I first had an inkling of an idea that I would one day own a novelty shop and be famous.
Maybe it goes back to the womb Somehow, someway, I'm going to make the world a better place.
I am going to use these fun objects and just put smiles on people's faces, because hey, what do we need more in this world than smiles? Obviously- Now, it's difficult for me to talk about novelties without getting a little A little emotional.
When you give and you give and you give to make the world a better place, you start to realize how lucky you are.
Nineteen eighty No, 1992 that I decided to switch from briefs to boxers I said how can I come up with something different? And I went, "I got it!" "A doll that no one loves.
" And here it is.
The Baby No One Wants.
Alright- BURP I know what you want.
You want me to give her a voice.
And I'll give you your voice, but it's not going to be the baby nobody wants.
You're going to call it Baby Jessica, the baby everybody wants.
Jessica, I'm not changing the name! This is my doll, my idea, my concept- You work for me! Get a grip! I finally understand where I stand with you.
You know what? I'll give you a stupid voice for the dumb doll, but it's the last damn thing I'll ever do for you! Good! Andy, my love, I'll rendezvous with you in forty-five.
And my mother wanted me! Hey, she can't take that doll.
That's my prototype.
Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of it.
Tonight, you need to enjoy the subtle delights of Francine.
Want to know something funny? My panties fell off! Francine, put your panties down.
We're in a restaurant.
ca: Wake up! Okay, I remember Jessica agreeing to do the voice and I kind of remember.
Francine putting a vitamin pill into my drink.
Oh, God, please tell me nothing else happened.
Oh, oh, oh! This is just too good to be true!!! What's too good to be true? I couldn't have dreamed this up if I tried! Are you wasted? I'm on a natural high! I wish a brought a camera so I could take a picture of your stupid face when I tell you! Tell me what, Jessica?! You know your bro, Andy? What about him? He opened a store and he ain't selling no tandoori chicken! What's he selling? It's a novelty shop, you jackass! He's your competition! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! And I'm his new assistant manager!!! Hey, lover boy.
What's all the commotion? Hey, Jess.
Guess what I did? Well, this is officially a nightmare.
Andy and his brick brown eyes stabbed me in the back.
And even worse, thanks to him, I slept with Francine.
Hey, Spenny Welcome to my, uh, Tandoori shop.
Huh? Seem to be out of chicken, though.
How could you? And what happened to your accent?! Oh, this one? The one that you fell for? You may have some sexy shop at prices I can't beat, but what you don't have is a blockbuster, cutting edge idea like my doll.
You ripped off my baby nobody wants?! Oh, no, no- This is actually Andy Patel's lonely baby, which is totally different.
Legally.
There's actually a factory in Vietnam churning them out by the thousands right now.
Patel, you're nothing but a knockoff hack.
And I have something you'll never have, it's called creativity.
You're a dinosaur, Spenny.
Anything you can sell, I can sell cheaper.
Anything you can build, I can build faster! For your information, dinosaurs didn't go extinct.
They evolved into birds.
And you, Sir! Are no bird! Not an insult.
Okay, big deal.
I was talked out of my greatest invention ever, but I'm not a one-invention guy.
I just need some time to get my thoughts together.
Hold me baby.
Hold me baby- It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! It doesn't even make sense! It's completely shallow! You know what? Patel Is a loser.
He's a total- Dumb-dumb- Loser.
### There it is! That's the answer! ### What could be better than lonely baby dolls? Stolen baby dolls! dy: Anything you can sell, I can sell cheaper dy: You're a dinosaur, dinosaur, dinosaur ca: He's your competition! la: Private parts to fall fallow ne: You look Keanu Reeve-ish today ca: HA HA HA HA!!! Jessica! You smell like piss, what are you doing here? I know how we can do it! I figured it out! I finally know how we can beat Patel.
I did it! Look at this baby! Look at all of them! Aren't they beautiful? I wanna market them! I want to call them missing baby dolls! You know the best thing about them? They're actually missing, 'cause I stole them! Can you believe it, I actually stole them? Look, here- Take it- Oh, it has a dirty diaper- This one, it needs a body! Can you put that back together again? It'd be really great if you could- Despite the headache, and the putrid stink of urine, I'm alive.
Chelsea, on the other hand is trying to figure out what's going on with the prisoner.
Hi, Spenny! I'm calling to tell you that Billy Ray texted me and invited me to his trailer for a conjugal visit.
I'm obviously not going.
I'm not stupid.
Oh Call me.
Hi, Andy.
Oh.
Hey.
I know we haven't seen each other for a while, but I was in the neighborhood and I thought maybe we could talk about my assistant manager position.
Ahah- Oh, hey.
Andy, sweet, what's going on here? I know what this must look like.
And? Yeah, I mean, it's exactly what it looks like.
So- You- You used me, so that you could destroy Spenny.
You're nothing but a big tandoori jerk! ### Spenny? Welcome to the house of a thousand lamps.
Can I help you, Miss? Spenny, it's me Jessica.
Is there any particular kind of lamp you're looking for? Oh, my God, you can't give up, Spenny! You can't let that scumbag Patel win! God, you're not a lamp man! You're a novelty man! Novelty runs through your blood! You wrote the book of poop! You built an empire on poop! You're the Emperor of poop! ### I know you, you're Jessica! You came back! Yeah.
If you make me assistant manager.
Assistant manager- Assistant manager! There you go! If it's not one thing, it's another! First you want me to change the name of the doll, now you wanna be assistant manager! You're like a pit bull, you never let go! You're really annoying, you know?! I don't know how much longer I can take this! That's the self-serving son-of-a-bitch I know! Come on, let's go kick some smooth-talking, Andy Patel ass! ### Phil, what are you doing here? I don't want financial advice.
Oh, no, I'm not financial Phil now.
I'm next door neighbor Phil.
I'm here to back you up.
Phil, your mustache- Welcome aboard.
### ### Hey, Patel! I've got some bad news.
I'm back! In business.
There's only room on this street for one fun time novelty store.
Do you hear me, Patel?! Oh, I can hear you loud and clear.
What you don't seem to realize is that your days are numbered, my friend.
I just got my first shipment of lonely babies, baby.
You're not going to have any customers left.
I don't care about that doll, Patel! You can have the doll! Because it doesn't have the voice.
Are you an idiot, Spenny? Jessica recorded the voice that day after the restaurant.
I've got the doll and the voice! Spenny's a jackass! Spenny sucks! You recorded that in the doll?! And ruined a perfectly good novelty product! That's how I was feeling after the restaurant! You don't understand this business at all, do you?! I just saved your ass! And ruined my greatest invention! Oh, my God- Spenny, hey, we shouldn't let that one incident come between us.
We should team up.
That's a pretty good idea, Patel.
I'll have to talk about it though, with my assistant manager.
That's you, idiot.
Oh- We don't work with scumbags! Let's go.
Meanwhile, my mother is coming out of her fallow period.
And her timing couldn't be better.
Hi, Sheila.
How are you? I couldn't get a hold of Spenny and I need help.
Because I'm weak.
It's like my heart says he's my soul mate, but my head says, uh, don't lock yourself up in a prison trailer with a man who hasn't been with a woman in 212 weeks.
So, I need you to take my overnight bag and my lucky bra and my cell phone- Cellphone- Just for 24 hours.
Until this wave of desire washes over me.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah? Yeah? Well, I invented that, baby.
### ### ### ### ###
But Jessica dating a guy with money? Get outta town.
Bye, Andy.
Goodbye, my sweet.
### Was I just hallucinating or did I just see you out on a date with a guy with a $75,000 car? Well, you know it's kinda cramped, like, it's kinda hard to make out in it.
Make out in? Spenny? Spenny?! Wha- What the hell is this? I was gonna surprise you.
It's my new doll! Don't you love it? It-it's me! No, it isn't.
It looks just like me! I don't see it.
How do you not see it?! Look at the nose! Look at the mouth! Well, it's also got two legs! Doesn't mean it's you! Look, I'm an artiste.
I draw my influences from many different sources.
What you're holding in your hand is perhaps my greatest work ever.
It's our meal ticket! And here's the best part- I want you to do the voice.
Of course you want me to do the voice, because it's me.
What are you gonna call it? The baby Jessica doll? It's called "the baby no one wants!" Huh?! Why?! Because it looks like me?! No! Jessica! You don't know the first thing about marketing! People are going to want to buy this doll, because it's called the baby nobody wants.
And when they hear it talk with your voice, saying stuff like, "mommy, please don't put me in a dumpster!" I don't want anybody putting me in a dumpster! It's not you! Look at it!!! Look at it!!! I can't believe you're ruining the best day of my life! I gotta get the hell out of here! I need some air! You need more than air! How about a personality and a good work ethic?! I don't see it! My name is Spenny.
I've been accused of being an emotionally-stunted man child.
Incapable of having a functional relationship.
All I really want is to find love.
Is that such a crime? So, who was this mystery man with the expensive car and bad taste in women? Was he the guy I saw in my store yesterday? Tell me- Your eyes, what do you call this colour? My eyes are a natural green-gray.
Jessica, staff meeting now.
I'm with a customer! I consider myself to be fun-loving with a great sense of humor.
Basically, I'm just looking for someone to share my next big adventure with.
I'll give you an adventure.
Jessica! It can wait!!! His name might be on the sign but basically, I run the place.
Mr.
Spenny, my name is Andy Patel.
Just wanted to shake the hand of the man who wrote, "The Book Of Poop.
" It has a hollow place on the side table in my dining room.
Thank you very much.
Most people, don't even admit they bought the book.
Yet we all do it.
So true.
So, Andy, are we still on for tonight? Of course we are, my sweet.
I am looking forward to it.
Mr.
Spenny, so good to finally have met.
You have inspired in ways you cannot fathom.
My pleasure You actually have a date with that guy? Yeah, I gotta leave early.
I gotta get a wax.
A Brazilian.
Did he actually use the word date? What do you think he meant when he said, "let's go get a latte, baby"? Jessica and that guy ca: Shut up!!! ### Excuse me, Sir, I understand you have a novelty doll that's going to be a big financial hit.
When that money starts to roll in, you're going to need financial advice on tax shelters, hedges, things of that nature- I could make a lot of money with the doll, you're right, Phil.
Phil? I don't know to whom you're referring- What's with the fake mustache? It helps me toggle between financial Phil and lady shoe salesman Phil.
Do you want my card? No.
Hi, Phil.
Hello- I need another mustache- SLAM! So, remember last week when I was telling you about that guy I was texting named Billy Ray from prison? You never told me you were dating a guy from prison! Dating? Nuh uh.
Texting.
Anyway, the question is, should I ask him what he's in for? Or, will that hurt his feelings? Hurt his feelings? The man's a felon! You have to end it! WHO, thinks I'm the hottest thing.
Of course he thinks you're hot! Your competition is his cell mate! You're right! I'll end it with somebody who totally gets what I'm about because it'll make you happy.
Chelsea, look at me.
He's a BAD man.
And you're so perfect? This new product I have coming out, I'm very excited about it.
It's probably going to make a lot of money.
When the money rolls in, I'm not gonna forget you, so you don't have to go there- Spencer, my reward will be to see you successful.
To see me successful? Are you feeling okay? Yes! Let's talk more about you.
Talk more about me? Are you on something? No, no, it's just a process I go through every seven years.
Every seven years I allow my private parts to have a little rest.
Do I want to be listening to this? All good farmers allow their fields to fall fallow to rebuild the nutrients.
It's very tiring.
I, uh, find it very difficult- Thank you.
To, uh- To re-resist my impulses.
Hang on, I'm feeling a wave! No, no- No, no.
So, what was the question, dear? Um, the question is why I keep having lunch with you? ### Francine, don't be so obvious.
When Andy bought you that latte, what did you say? I said make it with cinnamon and leave the stick in.
You have such confidence! What- Is that- Andy? Opening a store across the street? Yeah, now I can look at his butt everyday.
Hi, Spenny.
You look particularly Keanu Reeve-ish today.
Francine, don't you have a job at another store down the street? That maybe you should be at right now? You seem to know a lot about me.
Like I'm living in your brain.
Um, do you mind being crazy over here? I'm going to go say hello to Andy.
For the love of God, don't you scare him away! If you didn't, I won't.
Oh! Hey, Andy.
You opened a store across the street- Uh, what is it? Like, tandoori house? Yeah, yeah, you know, tandoo-- We are known for it.
Tell me, Jessica had mentioned something about a new novelty gift item that you're working on.
I'm intrigued, what is it? Well, it's very exciting, but I can't finish it until she does the voice for the doll.
Oh, it's a doll? It's called, "The Baby No One Wants.
" It's genius, because the baby is so pathetic-looking that it actually will make people feel sorry for it, they'll buy it, then they'll take it home and take care of it.
It's genius! I'd like to get my hands on this doll.
You know, for Jessica to do the voice.
For you So This is great.
Andy's going to help me get that idiot Jessica to record the voice for my doll.
He wants me to charm her during dinner tonight.
But I don't want to stand out like a third wheel.
So, I should bring a date, but who? It's such short notice.
Still thinking I'd like to propose a toast, to what will hopefully be one of many double dates together.
Here, here! Jessica, my love, aren't you going to raise your glass? Andy, sweet, I'm just trying to understand why.
Spenny is here on our romantic evening.
Is he the designated idiot? I'm here, because Andy invited me.
And it was an opportunity that I wanted to take advantage of.
And luckily, Francine was available too.
Yeah, that was a real stroke of luck.
So, Mr.
Spenny, tell us, what is new in the world of novelty gift items? Andy, tonight we don't talk business.
It's all pleasure.
Pleasure! Alright, I get what's going on here, okay? I totally get it and I'm not going to play around with your little charade anymore.
Come on, Andy, let's go.
Jeicica, my love, Mr.
Spenny has a story to tell.
And I think we owe it to him to listen to it.
Please sit.
For me.
Okay.
But, make it quick.
This Brazilian isn't going to last forever.
Okay, this is my chance to win her over.
I think I was about five years old when I first had an inkling of an idea that I would one day own a novelty shop and be famous.
Maybe it goes back to the womb Somehow, someway, I'm going to make the world a better place.
I am going to use these fun objects and just put smiles on people's faces, because hey, what do we need more in this world than smiles? Obviously- Now, it's difficult for me to talk about novelties without getting a little A little emotional.
When you give and you give and you give to make the world a better place, you start to realize how lucky you are.
Nineteen eighty No, 1992 that I decided to switch from briefs to boxers I said how can I come up with something different? And I went, "I got it!" "A doll that no one loves.
" And here it is.
The Baby No One Wants.
Alright- BURP I know what you want.
You want me to give her a voice.
And I'll give you your voice, but it's not going to be the baby nobody wants.
You're going to call it Baby Jessica, the baby everybody wants.
Jessica, I'm not changing the name! This is my doll, my idea, my concept- You work for me! Get a grip! I finally understand where I stand with you.
You know what? I'll give you a stupid voice for the dumb doll, but it's the last damn thing I'll ever do for you! Good! Andy, my love, I'll rendezvous with you in forty-five.
And my mother wanted me! Hey, she can't take that doll.
That's my prototype.
Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of it.
Tonight, you need to enjoy the subtle delights of Francine.
Want to know something funny? My panties fell off! Francine, put your panties down.
We're in a restaurant.
ca: Wake up! Okay, I remember Jessica agreeing to do the voice and I kind of remember.
Francine putting a vitamin pill into my drink.
Oh, God, please tell me nothing else happened.
Oh, oh, oh! This is just too good to be true!!! What's too good to be true? I couldn't have dreamed this up if I tried! Are you wasted? I'm on a natural high! I wish a brought a camera so I could take a picture of your stupid face when I tell you! Tell me what, Jessica?! You know your bro, Andy? What about him? He opened a store and he ain't selling no tandoori chicken! What's he selling? It's a novelty shop, you jackass! He's your competition! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! And I'm his new assistant manager!!! Hey, lover boy.
What's all the commotion? Hey, Jess.
Guess what I did? Well, this is officially a nightmare.
Andy and his brick brown eyes stabbed me in the back.
And even worse, thanks to him, I slept with Francine.
Hey, Spenny Welcome to my, uh, Tandoori shop.
Huh? Seem to be out of chicken, though.
How could you? And what happened to your accent?! Oh, this one? The one that you fell for? You may have some sexy shop at prices I can't beat, but what you don't have is a blockbuster, cutting edge idea like my doll.
You ripped off my baby nobody wants?! Oh, no, no- This is actually Andy Patel's lonely baby, which is totally different.
Legally.
There's actually a factory in Vietnam churning them out by the thousands right now.
Patel, you're nothing but a knockoff hack.
And I have something you'll never have, it's called creativity.
You're a dinosaur, Spenny.
Anything you can sell, I can sell cheaper.
Anything you can build, I can build faster! For your information, dinosaurs didn't go extinct.
They evolved into birds.
And you, Sir! Are no bird! Not an insult.
Okay, big deal.
I was talked out of my greatest invention ever, but I'm not a one-invention guy.
I just need some time to get my thoughts together.
Hold me baby.
Hold me baby- It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! It doesn't even make sense! It's completely shallow! You know what? Patel Is a loser.
He's a total- Dumb-dumb- Loser.
### There it is! That's the answer! ### What could be better than lonely baby dolls? Stolen baby dolls! dy: Anything you can sell, I can sell cheaper dy: You're a dinosaur, dinosaur, dinosaur ca: He's your competition! la: Private parts to fall fallow ne: You look Keanu Reeve-ish today ca: HA HA HA HA!!! Jessica! You smell like piss, what are you doing here? I know how we can do it! I figured it out! I finally know how we can beat Patel.
I did it! Look at this baby! Look at all of them! Aren't they beautiful? I wanna market them! I want to call them missing baby dolls! You know the best thing about them? They're actually missing, 'cause I stole them! Can you believe it, I actually stole them? Look, here- Take it- Oh, it has a dirty diaper- This one, it needs a body! Can you put that back together again? It'd be really great if you could- Despite the headache, and the putrid stink of urine, I'm alive.
Chelsea, on the other hand is trying to figure out what's going on with the prisoner.
Hi, Spenny! I'm calling to tell you that Billy Ray texted me and invited me to his trailer for a conjugal visit.
I'm obviously not going.
I'm not stupid.
Oh Call me.
Hi, Andy.
Oh.
Hey.
I know we haven't seen each other for a while, but I was in the neighborhood and I thought maybe we could talk about my assistant manager position.
Ahah- Oh, hey.
Andy, sweet, what's going on here? I know what this must look like.
And? Yeah, I mean, it's exactly what it looks like.
So- You- You used me, so that you could destroy Spenny.
You're nothing but a big tandoori jerk! ### Spenny? Welcome to the house of a thousand lamps.
Can I help you, Miss? Spenny, it's me Jessica.
Is there any particular kind of lamp you're looking for? Oh, my God, you can't give up, Spenny! You can't let that scumbag Patel win! God, you're not a lamp man! You're a novelty man! Novelty runs through your blood! You wrote the book of poop! You built an empire on poop! You're the Emperor of poop! ### I know you, you're Jessica! You came back! Yeah.
If you make me assistant manager.
Assistant manager- Assistant manager! There you go! If it's not one thing, it's another! First you want me to change the name of the doll, now you wanna be assistant manager! You're like a pit bull, you never let go! You're really annoying, you know?! I don't know how much longer I can take this! That's the self-serving son-of-a-bitch I know! Come on, let's go kick some smooth-talking, Andy Patel ass! ### Phil, what are you doing here? I don't want financial advice.
Oh, no, I'm not financial Phil now.
I'm next door neighbor Phil.
I'm here to back you up.
Phil, your mustache- Welcome aboard.
### ### Hey, Patel! I've got some bad news.
I'm back! In business.
There's only room on this street for one fun time novelty store.
Do you hear me, Patel?! Oh, I can hear you loud and clear.
What you don't seem to realize is that your days are numbered, my friend.
I just got my first shipment of lonely babies, baby.
You're not going to have any customers left.
I don't care about that doll, Patel! You can have the doll! Because it doesn't have the voice.
Are you an idiot, Spenny? Jessica recorded the voice that day after the restaurant.
I've got the doll and the voice! Spenny's a jackass! Spenny sucks! You recorded that in the doll?! And ruined a perfectly good novelty product! That's how I was feeling after the restaurant! You don't understand this business at all, do you?! I just saved your ass! And ruined my greatest invention! Oh, my God- Spenny, hey, we shouldn't let that one incident come between us.
We should team up.
That's a pretty good idea, Patel.
I'll have to talk about it though, with my assistant manager.
That's you, idiot.
Oh- We don't work with scumbags! Let's go.
Meanwhile, my mother is coming out of her fallow period.
And her timing couldn't be better.
Hi, Sheila.
How are you? I couldn't get a hold of Spenny and I need help.
Because I'm weak.
It's like my heart says he's my soul mate, but my head says, uh, don't lock yourself up in a prison trailer with a man who hasn't been with a woman in 212 weeks.
So, I need you to take my overnight bag and my lucky bra and my cell phone- Cellphone- Just for 24 hours.
Until this wave of desire washes over me.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah? Yeah? Well, I invented that, baby.
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