SLiDE (2011) s01e07 Episode Script

What happened? Oh, my God, Mr Lancaster is completely mental.
All I did was take my hat off at the bus stop.
He gets me in his office, and I'm like, "I'm really, really sorry, Mr Lancaster.
" It's just so hot today.
I was seriously about to faint.
Did you know that 70% of your body heat comes out the top of your head? And then he goes, "I've been teaching a great number of years" and every now and again I see a student ".
.
who has no respect for authority" and infect the other impressionable young minds and the sickness spreads.
"And you, Miss Carlyle" .
.
are a bad seed from a bad apple.
I guess I could say I'm sorry, but I don't really feel like I did anything wrong.
You've been expelled.
What? As in no longer welcome on school property.
He can't do that.
He can, and he has.
That rat fucker! Can't you just give him some money or something? I offered, Scarlett.
He declined.
You're out.
So I don't have to go to school anymore? You would love that, wouldn't you? Doesn't sound terrible.
Mum! Hello, darling.
How's your room? Do you need anything? No.
It's lovely.
Thank you.
What are you doing here? I came in last night.
I'm here to see you.
And discuss your future.
Future Scarlett gets to sleep in for a change, before she gets an internship at 'Italian Vogue'.
No more discussion.
Your father and I have already decided what you're doing.
I was thinking we could spend some quality man time.
Really? That'd be great, except I'm kinda supposed to be studying with Tams.
That's not fair.
She has Eva.
She could at least give me you.
She'll get over it.
Girls love you.
They always want you back.
Not this time, man.
Edward! Are you still studying with Tammy? Mm-hm.
Look, I know you hate me saying this, but she would be so good for you.
And I know you've always had a secret crush on her.
Mum! Look, Luke is a gorgeous guy but he's not right for her.
She's delusional.
So you and Tams, huh? In her mind.
Not in the real world that anyone actually lives in.
Have you talked to her? Nuh.
He's called about a thousand times, but she never talks to him.
I don't even want to talk about him right now.
She looks at his status updates.
Shut up! I think Mum's calling you.
There's a photo of him with a girl.
Maybe that's how he deals with his pain.
Well, he doesn't exactly look like he's suffering.
I can't concentrate.
I keep having these stupid, illogical thoughts about him.
They're called feelings.
Yeah, well, I can't afford to be having them right now.
Ed was meant to be here 15 minutes ago.
Why is he so disobedient? You might not want to hear this, but Luke's over there.
Backstabbing little traitor! But you know what? In fact, this is exactly what we need.
A day without any annoying distractions.
- Namaste, bitches! - Hey.
How're you going? Yeah, but no.
I just, uh OK, yes.
Now.
Scar wants to talk to us, next door.
I'm telling you, Tams doesn't want to see me.
I don't think we have a choice.
Scar can be pretty hard to say no to.
Tell me about it.
Now, I know certain people aren't getting along right now, but I have something I need to share with the group.
Are you finally getting that breast enlargement you've been saving up for? No, I've decided to donate that money to you, so you can have your hymen sewn up permanently.
Can we get this over with so we can get back to it? Get back to what? Beer and bucket bongs? OK, everybody, shut up.
I have big news and I need you to focus on me.
'Cause that's all we ever do.
I've been expelled.
Well, you don't look very surprised.
Was it the uniform violations? Smoking? Absentees without a note? The late library books? Oh, you're all so hilarious.
Anyway, I have other, bigger news.
I'm going back home.
To Melbourne.
What, for a visit? No, forever.
My mum's waiting outside.
We're supposed to spend the day together and then we're flying out tonight.
Well, that's great.
That's terrible! For her.
Well, what about me? I mean, us? You're definitely doing this? Oh, just when I was starting to like you.
Yeah, tragically, you freaks are the only friends I have here, so I'm ditching my mum to spend the day with you guys.
What do you wanna do? I wanna stick it up Lancaster for kicking me out, but I'd settle for everybody putting aside their petty little differences and giving me the best last day ever.
Whatever you want.
I'm in.
Hell yeah.
Um Do we have to bust out some peer pressure? We need you.
Why? Not everything's about you, Tammy.
Fine.
Today is all about me! What are you doing? I want to see her.
Why? Is she hot? She's my mum, so obviously.
Maybe I can introduce myself and say I live next door.
Hello! Ohh! Or not.
Scarlett! Remind me why I have to spend the day running around trying to make sure Scarlett has a super fun day and watch her flirt with Luke.
He's talking to her because you won't talk to him.
They're feelings, remember? They have no logic.
You complete us.
Yeah, who's gonna make all the trouble and cause all the riots? So, what are we gonna do to make International Scarlett Day the best day ever? Well, I've got my name down at this freestyling thing at Ric's later.
Maybe I could do a rhyme for you.
You rap? Yeah, but this is the first time in front of actual people, and I need your support.
So can you all come? Maybe.
But more importantly, what are we doing now? I want breakfast and caffeine.
Oh, I know a place I think you're gonna love.
So it's called the Lentil Asylum, and all the staff that work here are refugees, and you just pay what you think the meal's worth.
So you might pay 50 cents, or 50 dollars.
Great, 'cause I'm low on cash and high on expectations.
What? Can't believe you're going.
Oh, I think I'm going to miss you most of all, Tin Man.
Scar, do you actually wanna move back, or is this just your parents' idea? I never wanted to be here in the first place.
Who knew all I had to do was get expelled? What's so good about Melbourne? There's heaps of bars and clubs and places where they don't let you in if you have no shoes or bad hair.
It's pretty much the opposite of here.
You won't have us.
Your crew.
Your posse.
Your peeps, who'll take a bullet for you.
Oh, well, maybe I'll visit sometime.
Really? No.
Um, so this is your idea of showing me a good time? Oh, sorry.
Thought you'd like it here.
No, you didn't.
Are you still not over this whole thing? Of course I'm over it.
I'm so over it I don't even know what thing you're referring to.
So, how much are we all putting in? Can we do something I like now? Thanks.
Valley? Been there.
Beach? Yawn.
How about we take a tour of the mind? Destination unknown.
Wanna get high, or do you wanna get stoned? It's only 11 o'clock in the morning.
We wanna get high.
Rad! Hey, look, Lungcancer.
Ohh, he would have a little dog.
If you want me to kill the hellhound of the demon who took my Scar away, I'll make sure it doesn't suffer.
Unless you want it to.
I don't wanna hurt the dog, I wanna hurt him.
If you had have given me some more notice, I could have organised some serious retribution for you.
Like what? Enter 'revenge' into the search engine of your choice.
You wouldn't believe how many ways there are to ruin someone's life.
Look at him picking up its poo.
It's disgusting.
Would you prefer it if he left it there for someone to stand on? I'd prefer it if he fucked up and died.
I get it.
What? Scarlett's leaving and everything's gonna change.
It already has.
Why weren't we all friends before she got here? Maybe she's like the sun, how it sucks everything in towards it.
She thinks she's the centre of the universe.
Hey, stoners! Ahh! Hey! I need someone to play with.
Ohh! Come on! Yay! It's like he's not even trying to make up with me anymore.
I can't believe the love of my life is leaving forever, and I never even got to touch her boob.
Come on, this is a waste of valuable study time.
Let's go home.
This is our last day all together.
No, I wanna stay with these guys.
Why am I surprised that you're choosing Luke and Scarlett over me, formerly known as your best friend? I knew this would happen.
What? I'm sorry that you have issues with Luke, but I still happen to like the guy.
And I don't have a lot of man friends, if you haven't noticed.
We were having such a great time.
Why'd you have to wreck everything? Oh, I know I'm overreacting, but I can't help it.
It's like I'm pre-mental every day right now.
I wanna jump off.
Remember you went through your 'l wanna be a stuntman' phase? Yeah, good times.
No, broken pelvis.
Oh Hello, ladies.
We need to go where they're going.
See, there's plenty of fish in the sea, and they wear bikinis.
So let's go fishing.
Ed, can you quiz me? Uh I'm going in.
I might just hang here.
It's page 54.
Is there anything like this down south? Mmm, less tan.
So it's possible this isn't the worst place in the entire world? Point taken.
I know you secretly love it here.
Arabic numerals Excuse me, may I borrow some suncream? Oh, sorry.
Didn't realise it was you.
Scarlett.
Yeah, listen, I think we, uh I think we kinda got off on the wrong feet.
Isn't it 'foot'? No, no, it was it was definitely both.
Yes, please.
Thank you.
Look at him, showing off his muscles.
Oh, what a tough guy.
Like you wouldn't, if you had any.
This is my last chance.
I only have this one day.
To what? To make her love me.
And what are you gonna do? I don't know.
But I'm gonna give it a shot.
If I get desperate I can show her my butterfly.
I don't even wanna know what that is.
The swimming stroke.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
Good luck with that.
Who wears high heels with a bikini? Every fashion model in the entire world.
Are you getting in? No, I don't want to get my hair wet.
Are you sure? Ed.
What are you doing? Sorry.
Thanks, Ed! I hurt my ankle.
Sorry.
Can I get you anything? Um, you can get me an ice-cream.
And one for Dylan for rescuing me.
Sure.
You OK? It really hurts.
You want me to rub it better? I'd like that ice-cream now, thanks, Ed.
Has anyone seen Dylan anywhere? Sorry, your boyfriend's gone.
Just like your broken ankle.
How could he leave without saying goodbye? I was thinking a Brisbane bad boy might be a fun thing to do on my last day.
I'm still here.
Ohh! You're so cute.
Hey, can I have my hat? No, I need it.
Why? Ah, um Have you got a stiffy? No.
Shut up! It's normal.
Fuck you all.
What's funny? Nothing.
Where's the girls? They left.
They wanted me to go to something, so Why didn't you go? Yeah, they looked like such nice girls.
'Cause, you know, it's Scar's last day.
I'm honoured.
So what are your friends in Melbourne like? Are they all super cool? Obviously.
Who's your best friend? I don't really believe in best friends.
Well, they still believe in you.
So after a rough start, I did have fun today.
Thanks, guys.
There was one little thing I want to do before I go.
What is it? Get me some sweet revenge.
All the sports teams should have left by now, so we should have the place to ourselves.
To do what exactly? We're gonna take a shit on Lancaster's desk and we're not gonna pick it up.
I could probably do the dirty work.
I meant metaphorically.
Yeah.
Me too.
Scar, it's your dad.
Why's he calling me? Uh, maybe he wants to make you manager of the hotel.
What should I do? Just ignore it.
I can't screen your dad.
He'd kill me.
So tell him you haven't seen me, then.
Hello? Where the hell's my daughter? Uh Don't you lie to me, you little No, no, no, no, I'm not.
This is Scarlett's mother.
Would you please put her on the phone? It's your mum.
Hi, Mum.
I'm spending my last day here with my friends.
Have a great day with Dad! You might want to switch that off.
Another couple of hours and they'll kill each other.
I don't think this is a good idea.
Unlike Scarlett, we still go to this school.
She hasn't got anything to lose, but we do.
In a few weeks, school will be over forever.
There won't be any more rules to break, and we'll be on our way to being boring, frustrated grown-ups.
This could be our last chance to be really young and irresponsible.
That is bullshit.
This is about her.
When are you going to get the idea? She doesn't wanna fuck you! Shut up.
Just 'cause you're a scaredy-cat, old-lady virgin.
- What did you call me? - Look, I don't care if you go in or not.
If you're too chicken, go home.
Oh, reverse psychology.
You're so tricky.
Wait! I'm coming.
What are you kids doing in my office? You're all a bunch of sex-crazy drug addicts and you're all expelled.
Yeah, yeah, that would be funny.
If it wasn't exactly what's gonna happen to us.
We're looking for dirt of any kind.
I don't have much time and I want payback before I go.
OK, so no kiddie porn, but I did find the student files.
Ooh, what's in 'em? Um, a bunch of test results and psychological assessments for every student.
Mine says I have a superiority complex.
I need to see my file.
I don't wanna spend my whole weekend in here.
I come here all the time to get yelled at.
Yeah, can we do something else? Please, Miss Carlyle? Yep, go keep lookout.
Mr Lancaster's diary is so boring.
It's all budgets and meetings.
No lunchtime hook-ups.
There must be something that we're missing.
Maybe he's clean.
Ohh, you're looking at Luke's file.
No, I was just It was on here, so I was just having a look.
So what does it say? That he's a compulsive woman chaser and he has self-destructive tendencies? No, it's private.
Well, that's rich, seeing as you just stuck your nose into it.
It says some stuff about how they gave him special consideration when his parents died.
Well, that's what you should give him, some special consideration.
Can we not talk about this now? Sure.
And what does your file say? Well, my academic profile is excellent.
Huh! I'm in the top 1 %! Oh, what a surprise.
But it says here What? My psychological assessment says I'm an obsessive over-achiever.
Yeah, well, I could have told you that.
What? You are obsessive.
That's why you stress over boring things like school, and that's why you'll probably be hugely successful at whatever tedious thing you decide to do with your life.
Well, I wouldn't have used those words exactly, but you know.
She's like a tornado, man.
She might tear your house down, but it's nothing personal.
So you definitely wouldn't go there again? Nah, mate.
She's all yours.
Can you tell her that? Thanks for all your help, but we got absolutely nothing.
It's gonna be up to you guys to punish Lancaster after I'm gone.
I'm on it.
I'll make it my life's work.
I promise I'll try.
Hey, look.
I can't believe it's still there.
Feels like so long ago.
- That was a great night.
- Mmm.
Uh, we got arrested, and I seem to remember you saying several times that it was the worst night of your life.
Yeah, you went on for about a month about how you missed your own party.
Yeah, but in my mind it was the night that we all got to be friends.
Aww! Aw! Awwww! Guys? I can't do it.
I can't do it.
It's OK.
I'll help you.
You just have to grab and get the pole thing.
My shoe! I dropped my shoe! It's OK.
We'll get it.
No, no, I can't I can't do it.
I can't do it.
You go and I'll take the stairs.
What about Lancaster? I'm already expelled.
What else can he do to me? I'll wait for you out the front.
No, you guys gotta go, and I've got a plane to catch.
This is something I have to do on my own.
Well will you come see me at Ric's on your way? I don't think my mum's gonna be in the mood to stop off for a quick rap show on the way to the airport.
So this is goodbye.
Don't you forget about me.
Ed? Get my shoe.
I love you too.
Miss Carlyle? Mr Lancaster, just the man I was looking for.
I just came to tell you that you've done me a huge favour.
I have been dying to get out of this place and now you can't tell me what to do, or what to think.
Or how short my skirt should be.
Ugh.
So thank you.
I really appreciate everything you've done for me.
How long are you gonna walk around with that stupid look on your face? Forever.
It was just a kiss, Ed.
Doesn't mean anything.
She hands them out all over the place.
Nice moves.
Figured I'll wait till exams are over, then move to Melbourne and I'm in.
So what time are you on at Ric's? In, like, 10 minutes.
Come on, I want to get a move on.
I don't want to miss my spot.
You can always make a fool of yourself next week.
You nervous? No.
What's your MC name? E = MC Square.
The Theory of Relativity.
E for Ed, plus MC Yeah, we get it.
Einstein.
Wonder if I should message her before she goes.
Too soon? One, two, three, four.
Everybody in the club, gettin' tipsy.
Yeah! Next up, we got E = MC Square.
Yo, where you at? It's your time to shine.
Ed.
You're up now.
I can't do it.
You have to do it.
Yeah, do one of your freaky poems.
This is your catastrophe.
Please, Tams.
I can't do it.
Yo! I'll owe you for the rest of my life.
MC Square, where you at? No, no, no, no, this is not funny.
E = MC Square! Make some noise! Ah, sure.
Gimme some beats.
Um, I don't rap, but I do write, and this is called 'Shhh'.
Burn the house, crash the car Find someone and break their heart Kill the kids, eat the pets Take the trash and leave the rest Pave the garden, melt the snow Salt the earth so nothing can grow Dry up the oceans and the seas Sell the forests, fell the trees Smash your toys beyond repair Because it's never, ever fair Wreck your room while you dance To the sound of the music in your underpants It's the end of the world I can't find my hairdryer I really need a shower But the water's on fire.
Interesting.
Yo, make some noise for E = MC Square! Rocked it.
Killed it.
What? He said it was interesting.
I am never gonna forgive you for this.
What a freak.
I thought she was kinda cool.
Maybe I was wrong.
So, how's your husband? He has a name.
Even dogs get names.
Where is she? What are you smiling about? It's just nice to see someone in my position for a change.
Please.
It's been your position for five minutes.
It was my position for 17 years.
Love you too, Mum.
Are you really having a competition over who's had to put up with me the most? You'll have plenty of time to berate me on the plane.
And to explain what you've been doing all day.
I'm not going.
Excuse me? I'm staying.
You can't make me go.
Well, you're not staying at this hotel.
Fine.
I'll move out and I'll see you at Christmas.
Fine.
There's some things that I'll need before you go, then.
Things that I pay for.
What am I supposed to do without a phone? Your problem, Scarlett.
Don't forget I'm rich, you're not.
Let's see how long you last.
Fine.
Well, you can't control me with your money anymore.
I don't need you and I don't need you.
I'm gonna own this town.
You can't just let her leave.
What can I do? You know what she's like when she gets an idea in her head.
She's like you.
Like me? She's you in a dress.
What's with the shoe? Cinderella left it.
Anyone want a drink? How about some shots? Why are you hanging out with this dick? He's a good guy.
Is that why you haven't been around? New boyfriend? Yeah, funny.
Ah, we gotta go.
Do you want to hit a party in Red Hill? Yeah, alright.
Just wait for Ed.
Oh, sorry, man.
It's kinda private.
Can't bring your country cousin.
Make noise! Guess what! What? It's your lucky night and you can buy me a drink.
Ah, what do you like? Tequila shot, thanks.
Now.
Hey! Hey.
Well, you don't seem very surprised to see me.
I knew you wouldn't go.
Admit it.
You love it here.
And you love us.
OK, yeah, maybe I don't hate this place or the people as much as I thought I did, but I have new problems.
I've just moved out of home and Dad took all my money.
Bummer.
I'm trying to turn it into a positive thing, though.
Like, now he can't bribe me to do whatever he wants.
That was really holding me back.
And now you're free.
Exactly! I can do whatever I like, and I can do it on my own, and with friends.
Where are you gonna stay? Well speaking of friends, I was thinking, your place is pretty huge.
My parents hate you.
I've never even met your parents.
Trust me, they would hate you.
They're not into guests of any kind.
OK, I need somewhere with no parents.
Where's everybody else? I think they left.
And speaking of leaving, I have to go and do that study that I didn't do today 'cause you were leaving.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Do you need a ride? No, I told the limo driver that my dad said he had to be my personal driver all night and he'd pay him double.
Genius.
See, I can look after myself.
I don't need their money.
See? What? I'm not gonna make out with you just 'cause you bought me a drink.
Uh, Luke's not home right now.
I'm actually here to see you.
I really need a place to stay.
Oh, you can't stay here.
Why not? I thought you liked me.
Yeah, I do.
But I'll be right back.
It's just one of my brother's little girlfriends.
You know what? It's fine.
I'll find somewhere else.
I think Ed has quite enough distractions as it is.
I can find somewhere longer-term tomorrow.
I just really need somewhere for tonight.
You can stay in my room.
It'll be great fun! Yay! For how long? Rosie and Charli said I could stay for as long as I like.
I know you were looking forward to me going so that you could get back to being centre of attention.
No.
That's not entirely true.
But you're gonna have to put up with me for a little bit longer.
Until I move to London, in my 20s.
And what are you planning on doing until then? Guess I'll get a job.
Getting a good job is really hard.
Um, actually, getting a bad job is really hard.
Yeah, maybe for ugly people.
Why don't you go and stay at Luke's? There's two guys you like over there.
Oh, what is wrong with you? I don't like Luke.
You can have him.
Thank you.
So much.
Oh, you have got to get over this.
I'm not the evil boyfriend-stealer you think I am.
If you had given me some advance warning and actually told me that you liked the guy, I swear I would have never have gone there.
OK.
I'm over it.
I'm sorry I've been so uber-bitchy.
It's just you always get what you want, and every guy you like, and now you need a home and so you just come and steal mine.
I'm just borrowing it.
You don't know how lucky you are.
Yeah, well, when you're around I don't feel lucky.
I feel invisible next to you.
Well, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am trying to study! God, I really miss my phone.
Zero fashion stylists, zero personal shoppers, zero anything I like.
I love this.
Try it on! It makes no sense.
You need a degree to work in a kindergarten?! Like the kids are gonna know! What up, Brisbane?! You better listen! Drop your drinks, now listen! Brisbane! I got a few words I needa get out of my system! Yeah! What up? My name is Ed, I'm on the mike.
Doin' it best, yeah! I'm like as fly as Luke Skywalker.
I'm like the Jedi, the way I fly.
Fallin'! Whoo! See, my so-called friends I came with all sold me Left me all alone at the bar but that won't stop me Come on, Brisbane, try to hang on every word I'm about to bring revenge It's like 'Revenge of the Nerds' See, my girl Tams's always stressed out with the studyin' I wish she was here but we fought 'cause she was worryin' Everything's getting really serious now We've been best friends for years but I ain't feelin' it now Then there's Eva Lee who's buggin' me So secretive, yeah I wanna know what her secret is I thought I knew her well but I don't know enough I think that I could help If I knew what she was fearful of Of Luke, I thought you were my mate but you're just like them I hope you're having fun with your Facebook friends Update each other's status with your blah, blah, blah But ask yourself a question is that really who you are? Now I get to Scar, my own Hollywood star She's gone away so far I feel my heart has broken clean in half The truth hurts But it's pointless to ignore At the end of the day, beautiful girls like beautiful boys Oh, yeah! Yeah! I don't care Put your hands in the air And make a little noise for the MC Square! MC Square! I can't believe how much I miss my phone.
I think I'm having withdrawals.
Where is it? My dad stole it.
Then you just steal it back.
Scull! Scull! Scull! Scull! Oh, my God! Ohh! Ohhh! Busted! Family meeting, five minutes.
Fully dressed, thank you.
I know this must be very confusing for you, sweetie.
Ah, no, it's not confusing at all.
I know exactly what's been going on.
So we're gonna cut a little deal.
I want my life back, exactly the way it was before, or I'm calling Paul and I'm telling him what's been going on.
So call him.
No, wait.
Paul doesn't need to know about this.
He's already extremely threatened by you.
He wasn't happy at all that I came up to see you without him.
Then he's smarter than I thought.
Please.
It'll be the end of my marriage.
OK.
But I'm doing it for you, not him.
Thank you.
Yay! You're dead to me.
I'm sorry.
I'm really, really sorry.
I'm gonna need you to be more specific.
I am a bad friend.
I'm really sorry that I made you get up on stage for me, and I'm sorry about Luke.
You're right about him.
He's a player.
I lost Scarlett's shoe, and now she's gone forever.
Sucks to be you.