Son of the Beach (2000) s01e07 Episode Script
Eat My Muffin
Uhh! Woman: Come on, Chip! Eh! Argh! Hohh! Eh heh.
-All right! -All right! Girl: Whoo! -All right.
- Whoo! Ha ha ha! Yeah! Yeah! Nice.
Wow, theway you two play, we are a cinch towin theTetherball AmateurTournament.
Uh, no, Kimberlee.
That's the T.
A.
T.
This is the "Tetherball InvitationalTournament.
" Oh.
People always confuse tit for tat.
All I know is this should be the biggest T.
I.
T.
ever.
And don't forget about the pair ofT.
I.
T.
s we already have.
Yeah.
Ha ha! Man: Help! Help! Help me! Somebody help me! Aah! I'm drowning! Man going down! I'm coming! I'm coming! Help! Help! Somebody help me! Ah! Help! [Gasp.]
I got him! I got him! All right! All right! I got him.
B.
J.
, where's the rest ofhim? Huh? [Gasp.]
Announcer: No implants were harmed during the filming of Son ofthe Beach.
I've blown a lot ofthings in my life, Only after you saved him.
You've got to get your mind offit.
Let's try again.
Why didn'tyou save me?!.
I almost died! Aah-- - [Whap.]
- Ooh! Liebchen, I knowyou're upset, but I need you in top form to win the tournament.
Forget it, Chip.
I'm a loser.
B.
J.
, can I seeyou for a minute? Have a seat.
B.
J.
, even I once blew a save.
Really? Stand up, would you? A man fell off a boat.
I swam out to save him but I didn't get there in time.
But this story has a happy ending because that man was a personal injury attorney.
So nobody really cared.
Thanks, but it doesn't make the pain go away.
Oh! Notch give her a little time.
I know.
I just really need to go to the bathroom.
Oh.
Anybody home? Well, ifit isn't the mayor of Beverly Hills adjacent-- Edward James Almost.
I'm still waiting forthat call from, uh let's seelastyear.
Oh, come on, Anita, we got carried away.
You know how those adjacent cities conventions are.
Well, I'll get my revenge when my team kicks your team's ass in tetherball.
Oohyou seem cocky.
I am the one with 2 blue balls.
T.
I.
T.
champs 2 years in a row.
It's a newyear, and I've got a new team.
Want to make it interesting? Ooh, a bet.
But not for money.
The loser has to perform an embarrassing act in public, determined by the winner.
Whywould we want to do that? Listen, Almost nobody takes Anita Massengil to bed, makes her dress like a Catholic school girl, and then doesn't call.
I wantyou to be as humiliated as I was.
Well, I am so confident in myteam, I'll take that bet.
Has this little exchange turned you on as much as it has me? Mount me, Monsignor.
Bless you, my child.
Oh! Oh! Thanks.
B.
J.
Cummings, is thatyou? Tiffany Amber, I haven't seen you since spokesmodel college.
These days I go bythe nameVega, and I'm not a spokesmodel anymore.
Butyou were so successful in those moist and fresh feminine hygiene commercials.
I know, but one day, it all dried up.
I'm so sorry.
Don't be.
I turned my life around.
I wish that could happen to me.
What's wrong? I thoughtyou were doing great as a lifeguard.
I was till about a halfhour ago.
I blew a save.
And now I feel worthless, like there's this hole in me.
When I was down, I met this spiritual man who changed my life.
Hey, he's holding a meeting right now.
Doyou wanna go? Yeah.
Maybe he can fill my hole.
Harken unto me, as Abraham said to Abacus, "Back awayeth from the lamb" for she is the one to be spared.
" B.
J.
, this is our leader-- The Divine Rod.
Please, call me Divine.
Tell me, B.
J areyou familiar with Scripture? I am, but my handwriting's horrible.
I usually print.
B.
J.
, I have been chosen by God to communicatewith mortals here on Earth.
Wait a minute.
I think he's calling me now.
God says, "The lifeguard known as B.
J.
nearly killed one ofmyflock.
"All will be forgiven ifshe devotes her life to Kingdom Come.
" Soyou see, B.
J.
, the choice is in thine hands.
Understand? I think so.
But who's this guy "thine"? Jamaica, I keep telling you.
All you have to do is slap the ball hanging from the pole! Yo, ifyou don't backoff, I will showyou howwell I slap balls.
Herewe--we take care of each other.
We do everything together-- showertogether, sleep together.
Really? Well, what's that like? [Indian Music Plays.]
[Woman Sings In Indian Language.]
That sounds wonderful.
I never knew I could be happy in a home thatwasn't on wheels.
Butwhy are there cameras all over? We protect ourselves with those cameras, and those guns.
Will ya take a look at that rack? Uh, tell me, B.
J areyou hungry? How would you like a nice, warm muffin? Mmm! I love eating muffins.
Mmm! Mmm.
Eh heh heh.
Shut up, fool! Shut up, fool! I ain't down with your game no more.
You can takeyour ball and your pole and shove it upyour-- [Whistle Blows.]
Knock it off, you two! We got a real problem.
B.
J.
's missing.
We've looked everywhere.
She hasn't even been back to her trailer.
Shutyour cakeholes, everyone.
Lookwho's coming this way.
[Sighs.]
Where haveyou been, B.
J.
?.
My name is no longer B.
J.
It's MilkyWay.
MilkyWay? Like the nougat and caramel-filled chocolate treat? No.
I'm a member of Kingdom Come, wherewe're all named after stars.
This is my sisterVega and this is Big Dipper.
So, B.
J.
--I mean--MilkyWay, will your new sisters be staying to watch tetherball practice? No.
I'm going to be living in a different universe.
You sound crazy, girl.
Areyou on the pipe? B.
J.
, let's talk.
[Whap.]
Ow.
See, MilkyWay, they don't wantyou to be happy.
You should reallyjoin.
All pleasure, no pain, and really great muffins.
Did you see the glazed look in her eyes? I think B.
J.
's joined a cult.
She could be in for life.
With one ofthose punk-ass brothers who make 'em trip on that funked-up Kool-Aid.
Ja! Or make them wear brown shirts and obey satellite nations.
Not so fast.
B.
J.
Cummings is notjoining a cult.
I don't care ifit's the Moonies, the Hare Krishnas, or L.
Ron what's-his-name, the guywho wrote Diuretics.
She's a part of our family, and she's never, ever leaving! Never! Ever! I want my B.
J.
! I want my B.
J.
! - I want my B.
J.
! - Guys! Guys, guys, guys, I hate to tell you this, but B.
J.
is a lifeguard.
- Aw! - Come on! Notch, now, I've done a little digging.
Listen to this-- "The Divine Rod, whose real name is Rod Petrie, "is a Vietnam vet turned postal worker, turned day trader "and was originally the fourth dog in the group Three Dog Night.
" Three Dog Night? I love those guys.
Anywho the name ofthis guy's cult is Kingdom Come, but it's not really a cult.
It's a tripleX-rated pornographicwebsite, whereviewers paytowatch the girls bathe and shower and have sex with this Divine Rod.
Oh, good golly! Lookwhat they're doing now! Notch, they're eating muffins.
Huh? Oh, right, yeah.
Muffins.
Hmmyou know, cults sometimes put mind-controlling drugs in the food.
Hey, look! We accept Visa, Mastercard, and fun-packvalue coupons.
Aw, damn it! I feel so helpless.
All shewanted to be was a virgin for her husband, to keep her precious hymen intact.
I understand.
Closed for business.
No entry.
The airtight lid sealed forfreshness.
Notch.
Kimberlee, somehowwe have to find a wayto get in there and sniffaround.
Hmm I just got an idea.
Oh! Ah! [Chuckling.]
What's your problem? I can't decidewhat embarrassing thing I'll wantyou to do.
So, not only did my boyfriend leave me for someone else, he left me for another man.
We'll rake in a fortune the night I bang her on the Internet.
Heh-ho.
[Sobbing.]
"Hark!" As Thelonius said to the monk, "Thou shalt not lie down with thine own gender "orthou will wakest up sore, liked a bruised fruit.
" What does that mean? It means that fate tookyour boyfriend so thatyou could serve a higher purpose.
Oh.
And that would beyou? And Kingdom Come.
Kimberlee,, you look hungry.
How about a nice, warm muffin? Ohooh that looks good.
Mmm Tasty, too.
Would you mind if I used your bathroom? All that bran.
Oh! Oh.
Oh, thankyou.
[Chuckles.]
[Alarm Sounds.]
Big Dipper, go and get her.
She came out through the bathroom window.
[Gasp.]
Oh.
- Aah! - [Rip.]
Uhh! Arrr! - Aah! - Ooh! Ah! Ah! Rah! Ooh! Arrrr! Uhh! Ra-a-a-ah! Ah! - [Whack.]
- Ow! Ohh! Ha ha! Nice work, Kimberlee.
But something aboutyou is different.
It's probably the mud.
Oh.
But look, this is what Rod's using to drug the girls.
Now, ifwe can find out what's in these, maybewe can stop him.
Of course.
I've got it.
Kimberlee, there's only one person who can analyze stuff like nobody's business.
Professor Milosevic? [Ding.]
[ComputerVoice.]
I am proud to announce I have finally come out ofthe closet.
Ha ha ha ha! Ha hawhew.
Announcer: Welcome to the Tetherball Invitational Tournament.
Players from all over the world have brought theirtethered balls to Malibu adjacent.
Here's the team from France.
Here's team Micronesia.
And from the state ofIdaho.
We have to hurry! B.
J.
's going to be deflowered in 2 hours.
Can we do anything to helpyou? Kimberlee, to conduct an accurate analysis, I will need to eatyour muffin.
But, Professor, you hardly know her.
Notch, I'm talking about the pastry she has in her pants.
Here it is.
Place it in the food absorption bag on the back of my chair.
- [Alarm Sounds.]
- [Gasp.]
No! No! Wrong bag! [Recorded Voice.]
Step away from the bag! Trust me, you don't want to open that one unless you want to brown-bag it.
Ha ha ha ha.
Announcer: Finally, from Malibu adjacent, Chip Rommel and last-minute substitution, Jamaica St.
Croix.
- Crowd: Aw! - Oh, no.
Yeah! [Scattered, Faint Applause.]
Well? It seems this muffin is loaded with ethyl dioxychloride.
Scientifically, how would this affect someone? Itwould make them really horny.
Well, Doc, doyou have an anecdote? Gladly.
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi went into a bar and asked for-- No.
No, no, no, no.
Not an anecdote.
An antidote.
Oh, why didn'tyou say so? [Chanting.]
We are one.
[Chanting.]
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
Even against Micronesia, Chip Rommel and Jamaica St.
Croix are coming up short.
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
That's far enough, cult leader! Shooh shooh shooh shooh shooh! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm gonna getyou.
Kimberlee, he's got a gun! Ah! That's it, MilkyWay.
Shoot him.
Shoot him! Beej, it's me-- Notch, yourfriend.
Remember B.
J.
and Johnson-- they go together.
Don't listen to him.
Shoot him! B.
J.
, you look tired.
How about some nice, cold water? Ooh What areyou waiting for? Shoot him! Ahh.
Oh, I will obey.
And bytheway, Rod, the name's B.
J.
Ha ha! All right! Welcome back, B.
J.
No, MilkyWay, you'rejust confused.
Now I remember.
I came toyou because I felt lost.
I trusted you to help me! But instead, you wanted to break my seal.
B.
J.
, shooting Rod won't getyou anything but life behind bars.
Yeah, in one ofthose female prisons with a really butch head guard who has a lot offacial hair and carries a billy club.
- Notch.
- She'll use that billy club on ya, and when you go to thewarden, she'll sayyou fell offyour bicycle.
- Notch! Notch! - And ifthat's not enough-- [Sobbing.]
Notch he didn't-- Rod didn't-- No.
No, he didn't.
Nobody messed with Mr.
In-Between.
Yeah.
Well, I would've, if it weren't foryou pesky lifeguards! Announcer: Malibu adjacent is down 1 4 to zero.
It looks like Beverly Hills adjacent will be holding that blue ball in their hands very soon.
Anita, you will be a laughingstock when you seewhat I've got planned foryou.
Johnson, I am about to lose a very embarrassing bet.
Where the hell is B.
J.
?.
She's right here.
- Yay! - Whoo! Announcer: B.
J.
Cummings is in forJamaica St.
Croix! And just listen to the crowd.
I'm telling you, this girl has quite a cult following.
Oh.
Mmm may I try one? Mmm.
Crowd: B.
J.
! B.
J.
! B.
J.
! B.
J.
! B.
J.
! B.
J.
! B.
J.
! Mmm! Whoo! Mmm! Whoo-oo-oo!!!.
Announcer: I have never seen such a comeback in all myyears ofannouncing tetherball.
Because of B.
J.
, this one's sure to be called "The Miracle in Malibu Adjacent.
" Uh-oh.
Yoo-hoo! Yip! Yahoo! R-r-r-r--yeow! R-r-r-r--yip-ooh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Gee, and I was just gonna ask her to wear funny shoes.
Yippee! Oh, hi, teens.
Notch Johnson here.
Tonight's show is about hair loss.
You know, humans are always shedding hair and notjust from their head.
Many people suffer from the heartbreak ofwhat doctors call a receding pubic hairline.
I admit I'm one ofthem.
That's why I got together with the folks at Notch Johnson Laboratories to develop the Notch Johnson Big Boy Merkin.
Full, thick, easy-to-clean, and you know something? The ladies like it, too.
Hi, Notch.
I loveyour phony pubic hair.
Thanks, ma'am.
So until next time, this is Notch Johnson saying, "Ride the big one.
"
-All right! -All right! Girl: Whoo! -All right.
- Whoo! Ha ha ha! Yeah! Yeah! Nice.
Wow, theway you two play, we are a cinch towin theTetherball AmateurTournament.
Uh, no, Kimberlee.
That's the T.
A.
T.
This is the "Tetherball InvitationalTournament.
" Oh.
People always confuse tit for tat.
All I know is this should be the biggest T.
I.
T.
ever.
And don't forget about the pair ofT.
I.
T.
s we already have.
Yeah.
Ha ha! Man: Help! Help! Help me! Somebody help me! Aah! I'm drowning! Man going down! I'm coming! I'm coming! Help! Help! Somebody help me! Ah! Help! [Gasp.]
I got him! I got him! All right! All right! I got him.
B.
J.
, where's the rest ofhim? Huh? [Gasp.]
Announcer: No implants were harmed during the filming of Son ofthe Beach.
I've blown a lot ofthings in my life, Only after you saved him.
You've got to get your mind offit.
Let's try again.
Why didn'tyou save me?!.
I almost died! Aah-- - [Whap.]
- Ooh! Liebchen, I knowyou're upset, but I need you in top form to win the tournament.
Forget it, Chip.
I'm a loser.
B.
J.
, can I seeyou for a minute? Have a seat.
B.
J.
, even I once blew a save.
Really? Stand up, would you? A man fell off a boat.
I swam out to save him but I didn't get there in time.
But this story has a happy ending because that man was a personal injury attorney.
So nobody really cared.
Thanks, but it doesn't make the pain go away.
Oh! Notch give her a little time.
I know.
I just really need to go to the bathroom.
Oh.
Anybody home? Well, ifit isn't the mayor of Beverly Hills adjacent-- Edward James Almost.
I'm still waiting forthat call from, uh let's seelastyear.
Oh, come on, Anita, we got carried away.
You know how those adjacent cities conventions are.
Well, I'll get my revenge when my team kicks your team's ass in tetherball.
Oohyou seem cocky.
I am the one with 2 blue balls.
T.
I.
T.
champs 2 years in a row.
It's a newyear, and I've got a new team.
Want to make it interesting? Ooh, a bet.
But not for money.
The loser has to perform an embarrassing act in public, determined by the winner.
Whywould we want to do that? Listen, Almost nobody takes Anita Massengil to bed, makes her dress like a Catholic school girl, and then doesn't call.
I wantyou to be as humiliated as I was.
Well, I am so confident in myteam, I'll take that bet.
Has this little exchange turned you on as much as it has me? Mount me, Monsignor.
Bless you, my child.
Oh! Oh! Thanks.
B.
J.
Cummings, is thatyou? Tiffany Amber, I haven't seen you since spokesmodel college.
These days I go bythe nameVega, and I'm not a spokesmodel anymore.
Butyou were so successful in those moist and fresh feminine hygiene commercials.
I know, but one day, it all dried up.
I'm so sorry.
Don't be.
I turned my life around.
I wish that could happen to me.
What's wrong? I thoughtyou were doing great as a lifeguard.
I was till about a halfhour ago.
I blew a save.
And now I feel worthless, like there's this hole in me.
When I was down, I met this spiritual man who changed my life.
Hey, he's holding a meeting right now.
Doyou wanna go? Yeah.
Maybe he can fill my hole.
Harken unto me, as Abraham said to Abacus, "Back awayeth from the lamb" for she is the one to be spared.
" B.
J.
, this is our leader-- The Divine Rod.
Please, call me Divine.
Tell me, B.
J areyou familiar with Scripture? I am, but my handwriting's horrible.
I usually print.
B.
J.
, I have been chosen by God to communicatewith mortals here on Earth.
Wait a minute.
I think he's calling me now.
God says, "The lifeguard known as B.
J.
nearly killed one ofmyflock.
"All will be forgiven ifshe devotes her life to Kingdom Come.
" Soyou see, B.
J.
, the choice is in thine hands.
Understand? I think so.
But who's this guy "thine"? Jamaica, I keep telling you.
All you have to do is slap the ball hanging from the pole! Yo, ifyou don't backoff, I will showyou howwell I slap balls.
Herewe--we take care of each other.
We do everything together-- showertogether, sleep together.
Really? Well, what's that like? [Indian Music Plays.]
[Woman Sings In Indian Language.]
That sounds wonderful.
I never knew I could be happy in a home thatwasn't on wheels.
Butwhy are there cameras all over? We protect ourselves with those cameras, and those guns.
Will ya take a look at that rack? Uh, tell me, B.
J areyou hungry? How would you like a nice, warm muffin? Mmm! I love eating muffins.
Mmm! Mmm.
Eh heh heh.
Shut up, fool! Shut up, fool! I ain't down with your game no more.
You can takeyour ball and your pole and shove it upyour-- [Whistle Blows.]
Knock it off, you two! We got a real problem.
B.
J.
's missing.
We've looked everywhere.
She hasn't even been back to her trailer.
Shutyour cakeholes, everyone.
Lookwho's coming this way.
[Sighs.]
Where haveyou been, B.
J.
?.
My name is no longer B.
J.
It's MilkyWay.
MilkyWay? Like the nougat and caramel-filled chocolate treat? No.
I'm a member of Kingdom Come, wherewe're all named after stars.
This is my sisterVega and this is Big Dipper.
So, B.
J.
--I mean--MilkyWay, will your new sisters be staying to watch tetherball practice? No.
I'm going to be living in a different universe.
You sound crazy, girl.
Areyou on the pipe? B.
J.
, let's talk.
[Whap.]
Ow.
See, MilkyWay, they don't wantyou to be happy.
You should reallyjoin.
All pleasure, no pain, and really great muffins.
Did you see the glazed look in her eyes? I think B.
J.
's joined a cult.
She could be in for life.
With one ofthose punk-ass brothers who make 'em trip on that funked-up Kool-Aid.
Ja! Or make them wear brown shirts and obey satellite nations.
Not so fast.
B.
J.
Cummings is notjoining a cult.
I don't care ifit's the Moonies, the Hare Krishnas, or L.
Ron what's-his-name, the guywho wrote Diuretics.
She's a part of our family, and she's never, ever leaving! Never! Ever! I want my B.
J.
! I want my B.
J.
! - I want my B.
J.
! - Guys! Guys, guys, guys, I hate to tell you this, but B.
J.
is a lifeguard.
- Aw! - Come on! Notch, now, I've done a little digging.
Listen to this-- "The Divine Rod, whose real name is Rod Petrie, "is a Vietnam vet turned postal worker, turned day trader "and was originally the fourth dog in the group Three Dog Night.
" Three Dog Night? I love those guys.
Anywho the name ofthis guy's cult is Kingdom Come, but it's not really a cult.
It's a tripleX-rated pornographicwebsite, whereviewers paytowatch the girls bathe and shower and have sex with this Divine Rod.
Oh, good golly! Lookwhat they're doing now! Notch, they're eating muffins.
Huh? Oh, right, yeah.
Muffins.
Hmmyou know, cults sometimes put mind-controlling drugs in the food.
Hey, look! We accept Visa, Mastercard, and fun-packvalue coupons.
Aw, damn it! I feel so helpless.
All shewanted to be was a virgin for her husband, to keep her precious hymen intact.
I understand.
Closed for business.
No entry.
The airtight lid sealed forfreshness.
Notch.
Kimberlee, somehowwe have to find a wayto get in there and sniffaround.
Hmm I just got an idea.
Oh! Ah! [Chuckling.]
What's your problem? I can't decidewhat embarrassing thing I'll wantyou to do.
So, not only did my boyfriend leave me for someone else, he left me for another man.
We'll rake in a fortune the night I bang her on the Internet.
Heh-ho.
[Sobbing.]
"Hark!" As Thelonius said to the monk, "Thou shalt not lie down with thine own gender "orthou will wakest up sore, liked a bruised fruit.
" What does that mean? It means that fate tookyour boyfriend so thatyou could serve a higher purpose.
Oh.
And that would beyou? And Kingdom Come.
Kimberlee,, you look hungry.
How about a nice, warm muffin? Ohooh that looks good.
Mmm Tasty, too.
Would you mind if I used your bathroom? All that bran.
Oh! Oh.
Oh, thankyou.
[Chuckles.]
[Alarm Sounds.]
Big Dipper, go and get her.
She came out through the bathroom window.
[Gasp.]
Oh.
- Aah! - [Rip.]
Uhh! Arrr! - Aah! - Ooh! Ah! Ah! Rah! Ooh! Arrrr! Uhh! Ra-a-a-ah! Ah! - [Whack.]
- Ow! Ohh! Ha ha! Nice work, Kimberlee.
But something aboutyou is different.
It's probably the mud.
Oh.
But look, this is what Rod's using to drug the girls.
Now, ifwe can find out what's in these, maybewe can stop him.
Of course.
I've got it.
Kimberlee, there's only one person who can analyze stuff like nobody's business.
Professor Milosevic? [Ding.]
[ComputerVoice.]
I am proud to announce I have finally come out ofthe closet.
Ha ha ha ha! Ha hawhew.
Announcer: Welcome to the Tetherball Invitational Tournament.
Players from all over the world have brought theirtethered balls to Malibu adjacent.
Here's the team from France.
Here's team Micronesia.
And from the state ofIdaho.
We have to hurry! B.
J.
's going to be deflowered in 2 hours.
Can we do anything to helpyou? Kimberlee, to conduct an accurate analysis, I will need to eatyour muffin.
But, Professor, you hardly know her.
Notch, I'm talking about the pastry she has in her pants.
Here it is.
Place it in the food absorption bag on the back of my chair.
- [Alarm Sounds.]
- [Gasp.]
No! No! Wrong bag! [Recorded Voice.]
Step away from the bag! Trust me, you don't want to open that one unless you want to brown-bag it.
Ha ha ha ha.
Announcer: Finally, from Malibu adjacent, Chip Rommel and last-minute substitution, Jamaica St.
Croix.
- Crowd: Aw! - Oh, no.
Yeah! [Scattered, Faint Applause.]
Well? It seems this muffin is loaded with ethyl dioxychloride.
Scientifically, how would this affect someone? Itwould make them really horny.
Well, Doc, doyou have an anecdote? Gladly.
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi went into a bar and asked for-- No.
No, no, no, no.
Not an anecdote.
An antidote.
Oh, why didn'tyou say so? [Chanting.]
We are one.
[Chanting.]
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
Even against Micronesia, Chip Rommel and Jamaica St.
Croix are coming up short.
We are one.
We are one.
We are one.
That's far enough, cult leader! Shooh shooh shooh shooh shooh! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm gonna getyou.
Kimberlee, he's got a gun! Ah! That's it, MilkyWay.
Shoot him.
Shoot him! Beej, it's me-- Notch, yourfriend.
Remember B.
J.
and Johnson-- they go together.
Don't listen to him.
Shoot him! B.
J.
, you look tired.
How about some nice, cold water? Ooh What areyou waiting for? Shoot him! Ahh.
Oh, I will obey.
And bytheway, Rod, the name's B.
J.
Ha ha! All right! Welcome back, B.
J.
No, MilkyWay, you'rejust confused.
Now I remember.
I came toyou because I felt lost.
I trusted you to help me! But instead, you wanted to break my seal.
B.
J.
, shooting Rod won't getyou anything but life behind bars.
Yeah, in one ofthose female prisons with a really butch head guard who has a lot offacial hair and carries a billy club.
- Notch.
- She'll use that billy club on ya, and when you go to thewarden, she'll sayyou fell offyour bicycle.
- Notch! Notch! - And ifthat's not enough-- [Sobbing.]
Notch he didn't-- Rod didn't-- No.
No, he didn't.
Nobody messed with Mr.
In-Between.
Yeah.
Well, I would've, if it weren't foryou pesky lifeguards! Announcer: Malibu adjacent is down 1 4 to zero.
It looks like Beverly Hills adjacent will be holding that blue ball in their hands very soon.
Anita, you will be a laughingstock when you seewhat I've got planned foryou.
Johnson, I am about to lose a very embarrassing bet.
Where the hell is B.
J.
?.
She's right here.
- Yay! - Whoo! Announcer: B.
J.
Cummings is in forJamaica St.
Croix! And just listen to the crowd.
I'm telling you, this girl has quite a cult following.
Oh.
Mmm may I try one? Mmm.
Crowd: B.
J.
! B.
J.
! B.
J.
! B.
J.
! B.
J.
! B.
J.
! B.
J.
! Mmm! Whoo! Mmm! Whoo-oo-oo!!!.
Announcer: I have never seen such a comeback in all myyears ofannouncing tetherball.
Because of B.
J.
, this one's sure to be called "The Miracle in Malibu Adjacent.
" Uh-oh.
Yoo-hoo! Yip! Yahoo! R-r-r-r--yeow! R-r-r-r--yip-ooh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Gee, and I was just gonna ask her to wear funny shoes.
Yippee! Oh, hi, teens.
Notch Johnson here.
Tonight's show is about hair loss.
You know, humans are always shedding hair and notjust from their head.
Many people suffer from the heartbreak ofwhat doctors call a receding pubic hairline.
I admit I'm one ofthem.
That's why I got together with the folks at Notch Johnson Laboratories to develop the Notch Johnson Big Boy Merkin.
Full, thick, easy-to-clean, and you know something? The ladies like it, too.
Hi, Notch.
I loveyour phony pubic hair.
Thanks, ma'am.
So until next time, this is Notch Johnson saying, "Ride the big one.
"