Stuck in the Middle (2016) s01e07 Episode Script

1 I've gathered you here at dawn because we have a very important mission, and we're under the gun.
It's go time, people.
I'm first.
I really gotta go.
Eww, gross.
Not that kind of go.
Everybody hold it in until we're done.
You've got three minutes.
After that, I can't promise anything.
Today is Mother's Day, and we have to make our gift for Mom.
Right.
Just let us know when you're finished making it - so we can sign the card.
- I know, right? This is what happens when you're the idea person in the family.
The one who gets things done.
You wind up doing all the work and sharing all the credit.
Finished.
Check this out.
Buenos Diaz.
Get it.
"Buenos Diaz"? Mom's gonna love it.
Yeah, yeah, we'll sign the card during the commercial.
You're doing the card, too, right? Aww! Thank you guys so much.
You always come up with just the right thing.
Buenos Diaz.
Look.
We're on the clock.
You already gave it to her? Shoot.
I knew someone was missing.
Every year, I come up with a special gift for Mom while you guys sit around and do nothing.
That's because you're like a superhero, Harley.
You're Inventor Girl.
On your watch, we all feel safe doing nothing.
I'm not the only superhero in this family.
We all have special talents.
Yeah, but arm farts aren't much of a Mother's Day gift.
Or are they? These would be the worst superheroes ever.
I mean, what would their super powers be? Nonstop texting.
Standing around watching.
Drawing in the margins.
Digging through trash.
And forget about these ding-dongs.
This gang is the opposite of super.
Even our secret hideout is the bathroom.
Come on.
This is about all of us showing Mom how much we love and appreciate her.
We all need to step up.
Not our fault.
You enable us.
Make the gift.
(all agreeing) You know what? If that's how you want it, you're on your own.
This year, my gift will be just from me.
Mom will finally see who cares about her most.
(knocking on door) SUZY: Harley, it's your day to fold the laundry.
I'll get to it when I get to it! Happy Mother's Day.
Sometimes it feels like things are outta control Like you're living in a circus Try to figure out your way in the world Where you're at is kinda perfect So turn it up, turn it up Do your thing, don't stop Let the games begin, let's jump right in I wanna get stuck with you In the middle of the party We're just getting started I wanna get stuck with you In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat I wanna get stuck with you Get stuck in the middle with you I wanna get stuck with you My brothers and sisters picked the wrong year to do their own Mother's Day gifts.
Not to sound cocky, but I've got the perfect thing.
Flowers, candy? That's not what the mom of seven needs.
GEORGIE: Mom, we need more toilet paper.
Hold on, I'll get it.
ETHAN: Mom, we need more toilet paper.
Hold on.
I'll get it.
BEAST: Mom, we need more toilet paper.
Never mind.
I'll use the bathmat.
No, no.
Hold on, hold on.
I'll get it.
The perfect gift for the mother of seven lazy kids.
A 12-roll automatic toilet paper changer.
The gift that keeps on giving in the most important of times.
That's what you wanna do on your special day? Go to the grocery store? Yep.
I'm off to get a bed full of snacks so I can lie around all afternoon and binge watch Heatherton Cottage.
Hey, Mom.
If you had to name your top five presents, what would they be? Starting from least expensive and keeping them all around there.
Right now, all I want is to go shopping without anyone fighting or hanging off my legs.
All right, let's hit the store.
What part of "without anyone" did you not understand? Hey, Harley.
Ow! Sorry.
Test phase.
Still working out the kinks.
You know what? I deserved that toilet paper bullet because I've been acting like a poop.
Your speech about pulling together to make Mom a gift really got to me.
I'm glad I have 11 more rolls here, - because that was a real load of doody.
- (huffs) All right, I couldn't think of anything, and I knew you'd make the best gift.
Fine.
But if you wanna be on Team Harley, you gotta dish on Team Lazy.
What are the other kids doing? Rachel and Daphne are just buying Mom something.
Ooh.
Store-bought gift.
Not personal.
Even worse, they're raising money by selling brownies.
Brownies Mom made for Rachel's class bake sale tomorrow.
My class doesn't need a trip to Gettysburg as much as Mom needs a purse.
A cute suede purse I'll use a bunch.
I hate suede.
It's like leather's wimpy cousin.
Like suede cares what you think.
It doesn't.
Now, we'll never make enough money just selling brownies.
It's all about the tips.
So I'll look hot, and you'll look adorable.
Hot, adorable.
Go.
- I'm so sad.
- Daphne.
I need money to buy something special for my mommy.
I love her very, very much.
And that's how it's done.
Can you believe they're using the money to buy Mom some silly purse? Wait.
They're buying Mom that purse she visits every time we go to the mall.
The one she talks to in the baby voice.
Yeah, the one Security always tells her to stop petting.
She's got a total purse crush on that thing.
What's Ethan doing? Making Mom a strawberry pie.
He is? That's her favorite.
Why didn't you want to be part of that? I have no problem with the idea.
I wasn't comfortable standing guard while Ethan borrowed Miss Peters' strawberries.
Mmm.
He's using berries stolen from Miss Peters' yard? Mom can't stand her.
It'll make that pie much sweeter.
And he's also making organic ice cream to go on top.
Not helping, Georgie.
Can you not hear the rising panic in my voice? Okay, yes, I do now.
Don't worry.
Lewie and Beast are only planning to fix something of Mom's.
Finally.
A gift that's worse than mine.
Lewie and Beast are great breakers, not fixers.
They came up with a pretty long list of options.
Things Mom says we broke.
- Her mirror.
- Can't fix it.
- Her lamp.
- Can't fix it.
- Her spirit.
- She said we crushed it, not broke it.
Either way, can't fix it.
Our Thanksgiving gravy boat.
That wasn't our fault.
Don't call it a boat if it doesn't float.
But still, Mom loved it.
And we love Mom.
- And gravy.
- Gravy boat it is.
Lewie and Beast are making a handmade gift that's also the Thanksgiving centerpiece? They're hitting two holidays in one.
Three.
We also use it at Christmas.
Again, rising panic, Georgie.
Can you not hear the rising panic? Sorry, sorry.
I'm not good at taking the temperature of a room.
Don't panic.
Dad's gift is boring.
Filling that pothole in the driveway.
Oh! Oh, come on! Mom's filled three swear jars because of that pothole.
Everyone's come up with a great gift that's better than mine.
You're upset so I'm gonna remain quiet and not say anything to make it worse, correct? Yes, I am upset, Georgie.
Very.
Got it right.
Yes! Finally.
Georgie from downtown.
And right back to the wrong response.
This sure is a process.
I can't believe this.
The first year Mom really knows who did what, my gift's the worst.
- What did you make? - I just show you with it.
A 12-roll automatic toilet paper changer.
Toilet paper changer? Awesome! That's personal and memorable.
Mom will think of us every time she Oh.
Everyone else totally nailed it.
They have a Mother's Day gift that will touch Mom's heart.
Mine will touch her butt.
You're letting everyone psych you out.
The toilet paper changer thingy is a good idea.
Ask anyone.
A gift for the bathroom for your mom.
She calls it Dad's home office, so probably not.
The good news is we're ahead on our Father's Day gift.
Great.
My toilet paper changer has already hit the skids.
- (snickers) - Yes, I heard it too.
Not the time to laugh.
It's too late to make something else Mom will love.
I can't believe I'm lowering myself to this, but we're going to have to resort to a store-bought gift.
Steer clear.
Concrete needs to set.
It's your mom's gift.
First Mother's Day, diamond earrings.
Fifteen years later, pothole.
At least she won't lose this one down the drain.
(horn honks) Hello, family.
The supermarket was amazing.
First time I didn't hear, "Clean-up on aisle two," followed by, "Suzy Diaz, please claim your child in aisle two.
" Only three tries.
Today really is my day.
Okay, off to watch Heatherton Cottage.
See you suckers tonight.
Dad's right.
The place a busy mom spends her time isn't the bathroom.
It's a place even grosser and smellier.
The boys' room.
The car, Georgie.
We're going to get this four-wheel garbage dump professionally cleaned and detailed while she's watching her show all day.
Great idea.
Plus we'll finally give the car something it's been begging for.
I think I wrote that three years ago.
Anyway, I saw an ad for a car detailer we can afford.
I'll go get his number.
And I'll go empty my Bob Costas piggy bank.
We can use clay to make our gravy boat.
Where should we dig? For sure not near our French fry garden.
No duh.
It's spring.
We'd lose our curly fry crop, Whoa.
Driveway clay.
Way better than ground clay.
I need bus money to visit my mom in prison and Oh.
I'm not wasting this cold on you.
Our sale was huge.
The purse will be perfect for prom if Mom gets asked.
Wow, thoughtful.
Maybe Mom can bake brownies for that, too.
Super cheap car detailing.
Now you're talking my price range.
"Lewie and Beast food tasting service.
Will try any three foods for a dollar.
We eat it so you don't have to.
" Five people took their number, but not a one for CPR training.
What a world.
We'll need it back in an hour.
Do what you can.
And yes, there is a floor in there.
Just keep digging.
Okay, that gives us an hour to make a card for Mom.
A card with just our names signed.
We'll make sure it looks absolutely perfect.
In that case, let's make two cards.
One for safety.
I've been known to botch a signature.
That's why I always disappear when packages arrive.
Daphne, come on.
We've got to get that purse.
Change of plans.
I used the money for a much better present.
Balloons?! Hey, first guess.
Good for you.
Please tell me you did not spend all of our money on balloons.
No, I also went out on the pier and made it rain.
Fishermen and seagulls were fighting over twenties.
It was awesome.
That was you? I just saw that video.
It's already gone viral.
Best 200 bucks I ever spent.
(sighs) I guess Mom's getting balloons for Mother's Day.
Hey, a quarter.
(balloons popping) We could always give her a video of a sailor punching a seagull.
And a quarter.
So you want in on my strawberry pie, huh? I guess I can share the glory.
I'm sure it tastes better than it looks.
If you're a dragon.
I didn't think it was possible, but this gift is a step down from popped balloons.
What do you want from me? I got distracted by my phone.
Some girl started a money riot down by the marina.
Great.
So our only hope is Beast and Lewie? Hey, they could surprise us.
You cemented your hands together?! Cementing your mouths closed would be a gift.
This is not.
We were trying to make a gravy boat.
You stop for five minutes to watch an ant parade and this is what happens.
You think it could still hold gravy? I can stay like this until Thanksgiving if you can.
Georgie, where's the best place to put this in the car? Bigger question where's the car? What? I told the guy he could keep whatever's in the car.
He kept the whole car! Okay, we all talked, and decided we should work together.
How can we help? Find Mom's stolen car.
Wow.
That went south fast.
- You lost Mom's car? How? - It's not lost.
It's stolen.
No wonder he asked for the money upfront.
He needed it for getaway gas.
What were you thinking? Let's all calm down.
He seemed like a nice guy.
There must be some explanation.
We'll just call him.
I don't have his number.
I threw away the tab.
What company is he from? No company.
He was just a guy.
- (all groaning) - Where'd you find him, Harley? He must have some references, contacts.
It's not like he's some nobody off the bulletin board at Dad's store.
Are you insane? Lewie and Beast advertise there.
I can't wait till Thanksgiving.
I've gotta itch my butt now.
Guys! This is a very important episode.
Lady Heatherton is about to have tea with the vicar.
That noise is ruining it.
I really wish I could be screaming this, but we gotta find that number.
The marina bulletin board.
What was I thinking? Don't feel bad, Harley.
We've gotten some valuable clients from that bulletin board.
I ate a two-year-old chicken wing.
Or a cake pop.
Either way, it needed ranch.
This is not good.
Our Mother's Day gifts are bad.
Getting the car stolen whole other level.
My besties say total rookie move, giving the keys to a stranger.
They also say this peach lip gloss is really workin'.
He looked respectable.
No facial scars, no snake tattoos, no ankle monitor.
Anyone who wasn't with his mother on Mother's Day could've easily stolen a car.
How did we not see that? I found it! The candy apple Mom took away from me last week.
Should I eat this? I wouldn't.
I'm trying to be supportive, but we'll never find that car.
This is a big problem.
What part of that was supportive? Don't blame her.
You're Inventor Girl.
You should have this covered.
She's right.
I am Inventor Girl.
That's my super power, and I need to invent a way to use my siblings' lame super powers to solve this crime.
Because together, we make an unstoppable team.
The one who lives on her devices.
The Textinator.
I put out an APB for the car on every app on my phone.
I also informed Taylor Nation.
The squad needs to know.
(phone chimes) Harley's stupidity is trending.
Trending! The one who spends hours watching, mostly from the bench.
The Observer.
Perp was 5'10 and a quarter, mole shaped like a crescent wrench on his neck, smelled like almonds.
The one who doodled his way from an "A" to a "C" in every class.
The Human Pencil.
I don't care what he smelled like.
How beady were his eyes? The ones who "ring and run" every house in the neighborhood.
The Ding-Dongs.
(doorbell ringing) We just need to know if you saw anything suspicious, Mrs.
Davis.
And if you wanna invite us in for cookies, that's your business.
The one who eats rotten apples, despite her brother's advice.
The Dumpster Diva.
I know.
Even in my fantasies, she does her own thing.
Last but not least, the one who masterminded the plan to get Mom's car back.
Inventor Girl.
Yes, America, the Diaz family had everything we needed to bring this car thief to justice.
But mostly, we needed each other.
'Cause like any superhero team, the whole of the Diaz family is greater than the sum of its parts.
Nothing? All that, and we found out nothing about Mom's car? Our gift for Mom is going to be a police report.
Hey, my car.
I just looked out the window.
What happened to my car? Who is responsible for this? (sighs) Mom, I - I am.
- Me, too.
So am I.
Me as well.
- Me, too.
- Yeah, I You all did this? Thank you so much.
The car looks amazing.
Can you believe this? It looks like the day we bought it.
Wait.
Our car was 20 feet from our house? How did we not see it? It's so clean, none of us recognized it.
The car's silver? I always thought it was mud and bird poop color.
It's usually parked under a tree.
That's probably why the guy moved it.
Oh! You've made me so happy.
I feel like Lady Heatherton when Lord Greyweather complimented her tea cakes.
Hey, spoiler alert.
Yeah, my siblings may jump on the Harley bandwagon when it's time to take the credit, but what really matters is, they stay right on when it's time to take the blame.
And that's why they're my superheroes.
Hey, Harley.
Did they really help, or did you do all the work like always, and they took the credit? You knew? Come on.
No one but you is gonna make a cuckoo clock that says Buenos Diaz.
Actually, this year, everyone helped.
We make a good team.
Thanks for always thinking of me, Harls.
This is your present? I swear, I filled the pothole.
I don't know what happened.
Don't worry, Dad.
You can sign our card.
Guys, thank you for the best day ever.
I'm the luckiest mom in the world.
- It was nothing.
- Yeah, no problem.
My tummy hurts.