Svetlana (2010) s01e07 Episode Script
You're Svencome
You guys are gonna love sven.
He's going through a rough time
lately.
What's happening?
You know a new job, the wife,
she's gone.
The job is not really doing
well.
But this is going to be such a
pick me up for this guy.
You're going to be thanking me
hosanas up and down for the rest
of his life.
Well, he's a narcotics
Detective,
what could go wrong?
It's Los Angeles.
You know the economy effects
everybody up and down the social
ladder.
You should know that.
Is this it?
Here we are huh?
It's not so bad terrell.
It's not so bad.
Well it's like a colonial style
post modern ranch condo complex
type, right?
It's like 19 houses in one.
It's L.A.
They put everything together out
here.
I'm excited to meet sven.
Well, no actually he's not here
right now.
He went out jogging.
Oh he's a fitness freak.
He said go in and make
yourselves at home he say.
Of course we will.
He said make themselves at home.
Tell them anything in the
fridge.
They got some hot pockets.
Oh, I like hot pockets.
Hot pockets!
Hot pockets inside.
C'mon.
Oh, leave it under the mat.
Well, you know it's a safe
neighborhood.
St idiot.
What is Americans so trusting
they oh no 911 suddenly
happened.
You guys ready?
Yes.
All right.
Ladies and gentleman welcome to
the good life.
What do you think?
More like mediocre.
This is quality.
Look at this.
This is quality.
Sit down, have a good time,
enjoy yourselves.
Sven is going to be speechless
when he sees you guys here.
All right.
It'll be great.
All right, yeah.
See what I'm talking about?
Did I deliver?
You delivered.
You delivered.
No free housing is always
deliverance.
It is.
Don't worry you'll get your
compensation.
All right, okay.
Well listen, listen.
I have to run and see some other
houses.
You're not going to wait and say
hi to sven?
No, no, no he's out jogging.
You know I got some business to
take care of.
All right, all right, okay.
I'll see you later, all right?
We'll find the time.
We'll pencil you in.
My pad, so to speak.
Sounds good.
We'll make you happy.
We got a tete a tete.
Yeah tete a tete.
Tete a tete.
Okay.
Terrell, what are you doing?
Close your mouth.
Do prute everybody, do prute.
I'm very excited to have our
first weekly employee session in
our new home in
Van Nuys.
Very nice.
Sven not so nice.
I know, hit's crippled but it's
okay because it's temporary,
you know what I mean.
We're here in hiding.
Clandestine.
Clandestine.
We are illegal aliens now.
If anybody finds out we are
here,
we all get deported to gulag,
okay.
If somebody knocks on the door,
you saw we are Jewish family.
Jewish family.
Nobody will kick Jewish family
out,
too much history, too much
baggage.
I control my own destiny.
I am worthy of greatness.
I am a can.
I am not a cannot.
Van Nuys is very European.
Van Nuys.
Van Nuys.
And it comes from Dutch word for
tulips and pornography.
It's actually a double meaning.
I will be lead Detective.
I make the decisions.
I dictate what happens to me.
We have to establish st
Petersburg House of discreet
pleasure 2.0 as a
(raspberry).
As a classy establishment.
How about like a new logo.
It's possible.
Something that has to do with
valley.
Yeah.
Valley sexual.
Valley.
Yeah, maybe like some sort of
punanay with the valley.
I like that idea.
We can take photo of your punany
and then we can make valley St.
Petersburg House of discreet
pleasure.
Oh yeah.
You're more like.
More like grand canyon but it's
okay.
I am great.
And I am destined.
I am great and I, am destined.
And you can always call to the
weiner place if you're feeling
homesick, you know what I mean?
Oh hi!
What..
How are you?
C'mon on in.
We wanted to wait for you but
we're almost done and we can go
have some breakfast.
Who are you?
I'm Svetlana Maximubuskya.
This is my family.
Hi.
What the hell are you doing in
my home?
Terrell said we could come in
because we couldn't wait for
you.
He was called outside.
We had to unpack the boxes.
Terrell?
Terrell?
Oh your
Oh no, no, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry there has been a very
big mistake here.
I told him no.
He said you said yes.
I said no.
Well I wasn't there but I tend
to believe him.
You know I don't know you.
I don't know you.
This is my home, if I tell you,
you can't stay,
I'm sorry you cannot stay here.
You're going to have to go.
Do you understand that?
Do you speak English?
Okay, there is no need to yell.
We do speak English.
What is a weekly employee
session.
We're trying to get more
corporate.
Corporate but family.
You know feedback and we fill
out that what's you called,
not census.
A suggestion box.
No, no.
Questionnaire?
Consensus?
The thing with the..
Quondam, of course Natasha,
quondam.
This is going to be a very happy
day.
That's my wife.
You guys have to go.
Everyone up.
Is that your wife?
Yes it is..
I'll say hi.
No, no, no!
We're not saying hi to wife.
You all have to go, I'm sorry.
Okay, let's go to lunch, we'll
deal with wife later.
Go to that dinner place on the
corner.
That had that weird lips and
assholes.
My client always used to say.
No!
No, no, no!
You can't go out just go back,
go back and hide.
Just give me one minute, okay?
All right.
Two minute.
Take your time.
I know wives can be I know
you're separated now.
You have issues.
How do you know I'm separated?
Well, terrell told me.
You have like some pending
divorce.
You haven't been promoted.
That's none of your business.
It's Cheryl!
Hi!
Hey, I was not really expecting
you.
I know.
Surprise, surprise.
Surprise, yeah, definitely.
I just wanted to bring you some
brownies for your big review day
today.
Oh, you really didn't have to do
that.
I know, but I'm working on being
more giving.
Oh, well.
I'm going to start doing things
that I don't have to do,
but things that I want to do for
us.
You look great.
Thanks.
You really do.
I've been doing a lot of core.
Still doing the pilates over
there with what's-his-face?
Alfonso?
Yeah.
I don't want to let's not.
No, I mean, come on, it
happened.
Let's not go backwards.
It happened.
Okay.
Anyways, I probably ought to
think about heading off to my
hearing.
You know, big day.
Promotion on the line.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
Vlad keeps farting in there.
So I'll just wait in the other
room and you guys can have your
private time.
Okay?
Sorry, I'm being so rude.
How are you?
I'm Svetlana.
Marta!
This is marta, my new cleaning
woman.
Uh, hola.
From Guatemala.
Really?
Que tal?
Est tu I'm 5'6".
I'm 5'4" but with nice good
heels,
I am 5'7".
I am surprised that you can
clean in 4-inch stilettos.
That seems really over the top
for me.
It's more bueno comfortable.
And you can do body work.
You roll on a table with corpo
and it's cleaning,
rubbing body on wood.
And it gives sheen.
Yeah, it's really the way
everyone says you should go now
as far as hygiene.
It's eco-friendly.
Oh, my gosh.
You know, you keep farting.
I know.
But what am I supposed to do?
But I'm trying.
Oh, my God.
Cheryl, this is Thomasio.
Thomasio.
Derek thomasio.
He's her assistant.
Assistant for cleaning.
A qui?
Yes.
Yeah, we should actually
probably get going,
too.
Yeah, okay.
If you could take those, marta.
Actually, hold them for me.
You know, it would be all right.
We're probably in a big, big
hurry.
They look horrible.
That's American baking.
Right this way, Cheryl.
We'll be back very soon.
It's too small.
Just try to do a little extra
vacuuming if you can and do not
touch anything.
Wonderful!
Let me get some clients.
Okay.
All right, yeah, get those in
the bathroom.
Don't forget this towel, honey.
♪.
Yes, okay.
Bye-bye.
Vladsky, how's it going?
It's going great.
You're only on "b".
So?
We have to move quick.
We have to let clients know the
location.
We have to start getting them in
here.
Okay?
Okay, all right.
I'll go to "z".
Okay.
♪.
Holy Mary, mother of God.
Take towels and put them in the
bathroom,
okay?
[Knocking at door].
Everybody get in the room.
Get in the room.
Quickly, quickly.
Let's go.
Who is it?
[Knocking].
Who is it?
[Knocking].
Yeah.
Hi.
How did you find us so quickly?
I have good instincts.
Okay.
Is the devil's work being done
in here?
Not quite yet, we just moved in
only about an hour ago.
Oh, are there fallen angels?
There are fallen angels, but
they're unpacking and one is in
the shower.
Do they need help?
They need your help.
I can provide that.
Okay.
Give me 2 seconds, we'll get the
room ready.
Yes.
Do you smell that?
I smell Satan.
Smell with me.
I smell the distinct smell and
scent of Satan.
Do you smell that?
Breathe.
Oh, that is Satan.
That is Satan's work indeed.
Oh!
Satan moves things.
"Dear board of admission."
And then put little smiley face
like they do on email.
You know what I mean?
You have to get on their good
side.
We'll also put some prophylactic
in the package and business
card.
With pictures.
With picture, of course.
My name is "Anya Maximubuskya."
And then put little red flag
there,
so they know we are, you know,
from the former Soviet union.
"I am 18 years old but I have
the mind of a 22-year-old.
And the body of a
14-year-old."
[Groaning].
[Wind rushing].
Mom, I can't even hear you!
Natasha!
I'm going to buy new mattress,
we can't handle the noise
outside.
But don't open the door for
anybody.
Okay, have fun, father.
You ready to drive?
I always get a little scared
when you're driving.
We should try out every mattress
in van Nuys.
We can do that.
That sounds good to me.
Who is this?
It's the owner of the house.
Hi.
Mama say not open door to
anybody.
What is this?
What is going on here?
This is House of discreet
pleasure.
No.
No it's not.
This is our house.
Sven and I, before we separated,
this is where we lived.
Uncle sven?
I worked really hard on this
marriage and I'm not gonna lose
it to some brothel.
And I am gonna go and find him,
and he is gonna come back here
and he's gonna clear all you
guys out.
Okay?
Uncle sven.
And you're gonna go back on your
hot cocoa box to wherever you
live in another country.
Muhisransk.
Oh, whatever.
Goodbye, toots.
Ooh, this is fantastic.
This is nice.
There's so much to choose from.
Very nice, very nice.
Okay we're gonna have to split
up because we only have an hour.
Okay?
I know, I know.
You go this way, I go that way,
we reconvene.
These prices are unbelievable.
What are they fucking crazy?
Hi.
Where is the $500 to $6,000
range mattress?
Oh, well, let's see, we have
them right over here.
These are nice.
Can you help me for a minute?
Oh, sure.
What do you need?
Okay, basically if you could
just hop on here for one minute.
Okay.
I need to see, you know, 2
people on the bed.
You know what I mean?
Because I don't have that glass
of wine like they do in those
commercials.
They put the wine, "oh, it's not
spilling."
Oh, congratulations.
It's like, come on.
You can jump up and down.
It's amazing.
We do the test all theime
because people don't believe it.
Yeah, I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
Okay, hon, if you could just get
in here and you know,
ease up in there.
I'm sorry?
Ease up.
Get, get, you know.
Grind me, grind me.
If you could just grind me.
But a slow grind, more like an
African-American grind.
You know what I mean?
Think Mary j.
Blige.
Think Marvin Gaye.
Anything for a customer.
There you go, just slow grind.
You know, kind of like we just
had a nice dinner.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
How does that feel?
It feels a little awkward.
Just mount me.
How does it feel on the knee?
You use this position often?
Yeah, all the time.
All right, okay.
Oh, wow.
We have accident there?
How we doing?
She left me 5 times and now
she's back again.
Hut, hut!
You're good.
Oh!
Oh, my testicles.
And then you know, I woke up and
I said,
"what is it all for?"
I know.
I'm so glad we met.
It is really hot.
You want some broccoli?
Oh, thank you.
Can I also get some sort of,
some icy beverage like slurpee?
A slurpee?
We have a where is it?
It's across the street.
That's fine, you can go.
I'll take care of the customers.
Oh.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
But does he have an erection?
No.
That's my bed.
That's my bed.
I want you to actually put
photos inside the package.
You pay now.
Are you out of your mind?
Oh, sven, how did the interview
go?
Oh, it went great!
Great!
Good.
Yeah, beside the part where my
wife bursts in and tells me that
my home has been turned into a
brothel.
And I'm probably gonna get
fired!
What?
Is that my chiropractor?
What is going on in my home?!
We're trying to run a business
here.
You have to keep it down.
You can't run a business in my
home!
It's necessity, okay.
Necessity for who?
For me!
I don't even know you, woman!
You do now, man.
Do you understand that at least
until I get the call that I am
fired, which is coming
inevitably,
I am an officer of the law?
Yeah, but not a very good one.
I mean, look, I don't mean to
rub wrong areas.
No, I got it, I got it.
But I'm just saying you maybe
rethink career.
You're kind of loser.
You think I need you to stand in
front of me and tell me that I'm
a loser?
I've got a wife who is one step
away from marrying her pilates
instructor.
I have been up for a promotion
for almost a decade.
I know, I know.
And I'm watching 20-year-old
kids go out there and move up
the ranks.
Well, what are they doing right?
I don't know.
Gonzalez just has a swagger
about him.
A swagger?
Is he making busts?
Yeah.
Okay, how does he get these
busts?
I don't know.
He comes in today, he got some
tip from someone.
He did some field work.
Next thing I know, he's
arresting the number 2 in the
Pablo Escobar drug cartel.
I don't know.
Pablo Escobar?
I know Pablo.
♪.
I can get him for you.
I can get Pablo here for you for
sex session.
Then you come, make the bust,
get promoted to chief of
narcotics.
Cheryl starts having sex with
you.
And then you let us stay here
for indefinite amount of time.
I don't know about.
Indefinite amount of time.
Okay.
You got 5 minutes to get Pablo
on the phone.
If you don't, I swear I will go
ins on your ass and you guys
will be in the back of a pickup
truck heading towards TJ.
Within the hour.
Do you understand me?
I don't like TJ.
Well, nobody does.
I hope it's the same number.
This land is your land.
This land is my land ♪.
Kind of.
From California.
To the New York island ♪.
[Phone ringing].
Hola?
Hi, Mrs. Escobar?
Direct tv?
The direct tv is not working.
No, it's Svetlana.
Svetlana?
Svetlana.
[Speaking spanish].
I just want to talk to him for
2 minutes.
He's playing Xbox right now.
Hang up!
I can't hang up, she's talking
to me.
I'm not here.
Well, you are here, you're
talking to me.
Look, he doesn't want to talk to
you.
No, he's playing Wii.
It's Wii bowling.
It's Wii bowling.
It's Wii bowling.
He can't talk.
He doesn't want to talk to you.
No, you can go to hell.
[Speaking spanish].
Hang up the phone, mommy,
please.
Ahh!
Okay, okay, okay.
Just have faith, have faith.
Okay different tactic.
Calling you after 15 years,
trying to talk to you?
For what?
What does she want to say to you
now,
huh?
Did she ask about me?
She asked about.
[Phone ringing].
[Speaking spanish].
Hola.
Yeah, I'm calling from, uh,
sweepstakes.
Ed McMahon.
Ed McMahon?
It's ed McMahon.
Ed McMahon?
I though he was dead.
But we need to deliver to your
son,
Pablo.
My son Pablito, he won the
sweepstakes.
Oh, my!
Yeah, but I have to talk to him
in person.
Svetlana?
Yeah, please don't hang up.
No, he doesn't want to talk!
I have money for you.
How much?
$2,000.
Cash?
Yeah, cash, of course, of
course.
Just let me talk to him for one
minute.
Yeah, okay, but for one minute.
Thank you.
You want to talk to her?
You're going to talk to her.
Here you go, honey.
You ready?
Are you ready?
You want to breast feed, again?
Mommy, please, let me talk.
You cry like a baby.
You ready for this?
Are you ready for this?
I've been born ready.
Please.
For the heartbreak?
For the pain?
The pain, the pain!
Do you remember the pain?
Stop it mommy.
You're being a bitch.
[Whispering].
"The pain."
Hello?
Pablito.
Svetlana?
You disappear on me.
I'm sorry, I just couldn't do
the drugs anymore.
I had to live.
You know, build life.
Yes, that's fair enough.
You still have that cure little
potbelly?
I lost a few pounds.
Yeah, you didn't lose anything.
You're still fat fuck.
Are you still flat-chested and
sickly?
No, my boobs got bigger.
I know, I was anorexic then, it
was too much.
I'm wondering if I can see you,
you know,
for a little reunion.
Well, what do you want?
Yeah, you know, like old times.
You know, copulate on different
substances.
Okay, when?
Well, I was thinking tonight.
Tonight?
Yeah, yeah.
Sounds good.
I can do that.
You can?
8 pm.
Are you still in the hills?
No, we don't live there anymore.
We moved to van Nuys.
You are not going to van Nuys.
You are not going to van Nuys.
It's dangerous over there.
Mama!
Yeah, 49627 Hamlin street, like
hamburger Hamlin.
I like hamburgers.
Okay.
Well, I'll see you.
I'll see you soon.
Ciao, ciao, match my love.
Okay, ciao, ciao.
All right, all right.
Calm down.
Now what's the plan?
Just for you, pablito.
♪.
Come in.
Pablo.
Svetlana.
Hello.
Hi.
Come to bed.
Okay.
You look very you look very
spiffy.
Thank you.
What did you bring for me?
My mommy packed us a lunch.
Sandwiches, some grapes, wine
and your favorite,
heroin.
Oh, fantastic.
Okay.
I'm so happy you are here,
Pablo.
Why don't we take off your
awkward leather jacket?
I know that you need some drugs
to loosen you up.
Yeah, do I ever.
Okay.
You brought a bong.
That's festive.
Okay.
Yeah, I won that in a karaoke
contest.
Really?
Very nice.
There's your glass.
Okay, all right, I'm not a big
fan of that one.
Wow!
Wow, okay, he's lightening up.
All right.
That was really great, dude.
Well, you take a little.
Wow, it looks like the jolly
green giant.
How do you like me now?
Sven, sven!
In here.
Now is the time.
Okay, how about some heroin?
How about some heroin?
Let's do that.
Let's do some heroin.
Okay, I'm grinding.
Sven, get in here.
I can't take it anymore.
Cheryl, Cheryl.
Damn pussy.
You are a pussy.
You are a butter dick.
[Snoring].
Psst.
No more heroin.
No more.
No, Svetlana, it's me.
Sven.
You came back.
I'm really sorry about before.
It's okay.
I've never really done anything
like this before.
My grandmother always told me,
sven,
"it's never too late to bust a
fat Mexican on heroin."
Pablo Escobar, you have the
right to remain silent.
Anything that you do from this
point on is considered.
Did one too many, it's okay.
You have the right to an
attorney and anything you say in
front of that attorney.
Taking you downtown, Pablo.
Do not at any point try
resisting,
or else further charges will
be.
Ah!
I can't breathe!
Oh, yeah.
Ooh, yeah that's good.
Terrell's in the house, baby.
Yeah.
I'm gonna do a trick with the
gangster stick.
I'm gonna do a trick with the
gangster stick.
[Grunting].
Coming on the bed now, baby.
Coming on the bed.
Terrell coming on the bed, baby.
Yes, you are.
Take a look at that toe.
That's a toe.
Oh.
Ooh, that's in the canal.
Oh, there's the lollipop.
I'm on a soul, I'm on a soul
train!
Taking a ride, going to station
after station.
[Giggling].
No, in your deep voice.
[Laughing].
He's going through a rough time
lately.
What's happening?
You know a new job, the wife,
she's gone.
The job is not really doing
well.
But this is going to be such a
pick me up for this guy.
You're going to be thanking me
hosanas up and down for the rest
of his life.
Well, he's a narcotics
Detective,
what could go wrong?
It's Los Angeles.
You know the economy effects
everybody up and down the social
ladder.
You should know that.
Is this it?
Here we are huh?
It's not so bad terrell.
It's not so bad.
Well it's like a colonial style
post modern ranch condo complex
type, right?
It's like 19 houses in one.
It's L.A.
They put everything together out
here.
I'm excited to meet sven.
Well, no actually he's not here
right now.
He went out jogging.
Oh he's a fitness freak.
He said go in and make
yourselves at home he say.
Of course we will.
He said make themselves at home.
Tell them anything in the
fridge.
They got some hot pockets.
Oh, I like hot pockets.
Hot pockets!
Hot pockets inside.
C'mon.
Oh, leave it under the mat.
Well, you know it's a safe
neighborhood.
St idiot.
What is Americans so trusting
they oh no 911 suddenly
happened.
You guys ready?
Yes.
All right.
Ladies and gentleman welcome to
the good life.
What do you think?
More like mediocre.
This is quality.
Look at this.
This is quality.
Sit down, have a good time,
enjoy yourselves.
Sven is going to be speechless
when he sees you guys here.
All right.
It'll be great.
All right, yeah.
See what I'm talking about?
Did I deliver?
You delivered.
You delivered.
No free housing is always
deliverance.
It is.
Don't worry you'll get your
compensation.
All right, okay.
Well listen, listen.
I have to run and see some other
houses.
You're not going to wait and say
hi to sven?
No, no, no he's out jogging.
You know I got some business to
take care of.
All right, all right, okay.
I'll see you later, all right?
We'll find the time.
We'll pencil you in.
My pad, so to speak.
Sounds good.
We'll make you happy.
We got a tete a tete.
Yeah tete a tete.
Tete a tete.
Okay.
Terrell, what are you doing?
Close your mouth.
Do prute everybody, do prute.
I'm very excited to have our
first weekly employee session in
our new home in
Van Nuys.
Very nice.
Sven not so nice.
I know, hit's crippled but it's
okay because it's temporary,
you know what I mean.
We're here in hiding.
Clandestine.
Clandestine.
We are illegal aliens now.
If anybody finds out we are
here,
we all get deported to gulag,
okay.
If somebody knocks on the door,
you saw we are Jewish family.
Jewish family.
Nobody will kick Jewish family
out,
too much history, too much
baggage.
I control my own destiny.
I am worthy of greatness.
I am a can.
I am not a cannot.
Van Nuys is very European.
Van Nuys.
Van Nuys.
And it comes from Dutch word for
tulips and pornography.
It's actually a double meaning.
I will be lead Detective.
I make the decisions.
I dictate what happens to me.
We have to establish st
Petersburg House of discreet
pleasure 2.0 as a
(raspberry).
As a classy establishment.
How about like a new logo.
It's possible.
Something that has to do with
valley.
Yeah.
Valley sexual.
Valley.
Yeah, maybe like some sort of
punanay with the valley.
I like that idea.
We can take photo of your punany
and then we can make valley St.
Petersburg House of discreet
pleasure.
Oh yeah.
You're more like.
More like grand canyon but it's
okay.
I am great.
And I am destined.
I am great and I, am destined.
And you can always call to the
weiner place if you're feeling
homesick, you know what I mean?
Oh hi!
What..
How are you?
C'mon on in.
We wanted to wait for you but
we're almost done and we can go
have some breakfast.
Who are you?
I'm Svetlana Maximubuskya.
This is my family.
Hi.
What the hell are you doing in
my home?
Terrell said we could come in
because we couldn't wait for
you.
He was called outside.
We had to unpack the boxes.
Terrell?
Terrell?
Oh your
Oh no, no, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry there has been a very
big mistake here.
I told him no.
He said you said yes.
I said no.
Well I wasn't there but I tend
to believe him.
You know I don't know you.
I don't know you.
This is my home, if I tell you,
you can't stay,
I'm sorry you cannot stay here.
You're going to have to go.
Do you understand that?
Do you speak English?
Okay, there is no need to yell.
We do speak English.
What is a weekly employee
session.
We're trying to get more
corporate.
Corporate but family.
You know feedback and we fill
out that what's you called,
not census.
A suggestion box.
No, no.
Questionnaire?
Consensus?
The thing with the..
Quondam, of course Natasha,
quondam.
This is going to be a very happy
day.
That's my wife.
You guys have to go.
Everyone up.
Is that your wife?
Yes it is..
I'll say hi.
No, no, no!
We're not saying hi to wife.
You all have to go, I'm sorry.
Okay, let's go to lunch, we'll
deal with wife later.
Go to that dinner place on the
corner.
That had that weird lips and
assholes.
My client always used to say.
No!
No, no, no!
You can't go out just go back,
go back and hide.
Just give me one minute, okay?
All right.
Two minute.
Take your time.
I know wives can be I know
you're separated now.
You have issues.
How do you know I'm separated?
Well, terrell told me.
You have like some pending
divorce.
You haven't been promoted.
That's none of your business.
It's Cheryl!
Hi!
Hey, I was not really expecting
you.
I know.
Surprise, surprise.
Surprise, yeah, definitely.
I just wanted to bring you some
brownies for your big review day
today.
Oh, you really didn't have to do
that.
I know, but I'm working on being
more giving.
Oh, well.
I'm going to start doing things
that I don't have to do,
but things that I want to do for
us.
You look great.
Thanks.
You really do.
I've been doing a lot of core.
Still doing the pilates over
there with what's-his-face?
Alfonso?
Yeah.
I don't want to let's not.
No, I mean, come on, it
happened.
Let's not go backwards.
It happened.
Okay.
Anyways, I probably ought to
think about heading off to my
hearing.
You know, big day.
Promotion on the line.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
Vlad keeps farting in there.
So I'll just wait in the other
room and you guys can have your
private time.
Okay?
Sorry, I'm being so rude.
How are you?
I'm Svetlana.
Marta!
This is marta, my new cleaning
woman.
Uh, hola.
From Guatemala.
Really?
Que tal?
Est tu I'm 5'6".
I'm 5'4" but with nice good
heels,
I am 5'7".
I am surprised that you can
clean in 4-inch stilettos.
That seems really over the top
for me.
It's more bueno comfortable.
And you can do body work.
You roll on a table with corpo
and it's cleaning,
rubbing body on wood.
And it gives sheen.
Yeah, it's really the way
everyone says you should go now
as far as hygiene.
It's eco-friendly.
Oh, my gosh.
You know, you keep farting.
I know.
But what am I supposed to do?
But I'm trying.
Oh, my God.
Cheryl, this is Thomasio.
Thomasio.
Derek thomasio.
He's her assistant.
Assistant for cleaning.
A qui?
Yes.
Yeah, we should actually
probably get going,
too.
Yeah, okay.
If you could take those, marta.
Actually, hold them for me.
You know, it would be all right.
We're probably in a big, big
hurry.
They look horrible.
That's American baking.
Right this way, Cheryl.
We'll be back very soon.
It's too small.
Just try to do a little extra
vacuuming if you can and do not
touch anything.
Wonderful!
Let me get some clients.
Okay.
All right, yeah, get those in
the bathroom.
Don't forget this towel, honey.
♪.
Yes, okay.
Bye-bye.
Vladsky, how's it going?
It's going great.
You're only on "b".
So?
We have to move quick.
We have to let clients know the
location.
We have to start getting them in
here.
Okay?
Okay, all right.
I'll go to "z".
Okay.
♪.
Holy Mary, mother of God.
Take towels and put them in the
bathroom,
okay?
[Knocking at door].
Everybody get in the room.
Get in the room.
Quickly, quickly.
Let's go.
Who is it?
[Knocking].
Who is it?
[Knocking].
Yeah.
Hi.
How did you find us so quickly?
I have good instincts.
Okay.
Is the devil's work being done
in here?
Not quite yet, we just moved in
only about an hour ago.
Oh, are there fallen angels?
There are fallen angels, but
they're unpacking and one is in
the shower.
Do they need help?
They need your help.
I can provide that.
Okay.
Give me 2 seconds, we'll get the
room ready.
Yes.
Do you smell that?
I smell Satan.
Smell with me.
I smell the distinct smell and
scent of Satan.
Do you smell that?
Breathe.
Oh, that is Satan.
That is Satan's work indeed.
Oh!
Satan moves things.
"Dear board of admission."
And then put little smiley face
like they do on email.
You know what I mean?
You have to get on their good
side.
We'll also put some prophylactic
in the package and business
card.
With pictures.
With picture, of course.
My name is "Anya Maximubuskya."
And then put little red flag
there,
so they know we are, you know,
from the former Soviet union.
"I am 18 years old but I have
the mind of a 22-year-old.
And the body of a
14-year-old."
[Groaning].
[Wind rushing].
Mom, I can't even hear you!
Natasha!
I'm going to buy new mattress,
we can't handle the noise
outside.
But don't open the door for
anybody.
Okay, have fun, father.
You ready to drive?
I always get a little scared
when you're driving.
We should try out every mattress
in van Nuys.
We can do that.
That sounds good to me.
Who is this?
It's the owner of the house.
Hi.
Mama say not open door to
anybody.
What is this?
What is going on here?
This is House of discreet
pleasure.
No.
No it's not.
This is our house.
Sven and I, before we separated,
this is where we lived.
Uncle sven?
I worked really hard on this
marriage and I'm not gonna lose
it to some brothel.
And I am gonna go and find him,
and he is gonna come back here
and he's gonna clear all you
guys out.
Okay?
Uncle sven.
And you're gonna go back on your
hot cocoa box to wherever you
live in another country.
Muhisransk.
Oh, whatever.
Goodbye, toots.
Ooh, this is fantastic.
This is nice.
There's so much to choose from.
Very nice, very nice.
Okay we're gonna have to split
up because we only have an hour.
Okay?
I know, I know.
You go this way, I go that way,
we reconvene.
These prices are unbelievable.
What are they fucking crazy?
Hi.
Where is the $500 to $6,000
range mattress?
Oh, well, let's see, we have
them right over here.
These are nice.
Can you help me for a minute?
Oh, sure.
What do you need?
Okay, basically if you could
just hop on here for one minute.
Okay.
I need to see, you know, 2
people on the bed.
You know what I mean?
Because I don't have that glass
of wine like they do in those
commercials.
They put the wine, "oh, it's not
spilling."
Oh, congratulations.
It's like, come on.
You can jump up and down.
It's amazing.
We do the test all theime
because people don't believe it.
Yeah, I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
Okay, hon, if you could just get
in here and you know,
ease up in there.
I'm sorry?
Ease up.
Get, get, you know.
Grind me, grind me.
If you could just grind me.
But a slow grind, more like an
African-American grind.
You know what I mean?
Think Mary j.
Blige.
Think Marvin Gaye.
Anything for a customer.
There you go, just slow grind.
You know, kind of like we just
had a nice dinner.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
How does that feel?
It feels a little awkward.
Just mount me.
How does it feel on the knee?
You use this position often?
Yeah, all the time.
All right, okay.
Oh, wow.
We have accident there?
How we doing?
She left me 5 times and now
she's back again.
Hut, hut!
You're good.
Oh!
Oh, my testicles.
And then you know, I woke up and
I said,
"what is it all for?"
I know.
I'm so glad we met.
It is really hot.
You want some broccoli?
Oh, thank you.
Can I also get some sort of,
some icy beverage like slurpee?
A slurpee?
We have a where is it?
It's across the street.
That's fine, you can go.
I'll take care of the customers.
Oh.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
But does he have an erection?
No.
That's my bed.
That's my bed.
I want you to actually put
photos inside the package.
You pay now.
Are you out of your mind?
Oh, sven, how did the interview
go?
Oh, it went great!
Great!
Good.
Yeah, beside the part where my
wife bursts in and tells me that
my home has been turned into a
brothel.
And I'm probably gonna get
fired!
What?
Is that my chiropractor?
What is going on in my home?!
We're trying to run a business
here.
You have to keep it down.
You can't run a business in my
home!
It's necessity, okay.
Necessity for who?
For me!
I don't even know you, woman!
You do now, man.
Do you understand that at least
until I get the call that I am
fired, which is coming
inevitably,
I am an officer of the law?
Yeah, but not a very good one.
I mean, look, I don't mean to
rub wrong areas.
No, I got it, I got it.
But I'm just saying you maybe
rethink career.
You're kind of loser.
You think I need you to stand in
front of me and tell me that I'm
a loser?
I've got a wife who is one step
away from marrying her pilates
instructor.
I have been up for a promotion
for almost a decade.
I know, I know.
And I'm watching 20-year-old
kids go out there and move up
the ranks.
Well, what are they doing right?
I don't know.
Gonzalez just has a swagger
about him.
A swagger?
Is he making busts?
Yeah.
Okay, how does he get these
busts?
I don't know.
He comes in today, he got some
tip from someone.
He did some field work.
Next thing I know, he's
arresting the number 2 in the
Pablo Escobar drug cartel.
I don't know.
Pablo Escobar?
I know Pablo.
♪.
I can get him for you.
I can get Pablo here for you for
sex session.
Then you come, make the bust,
get promoted to chief of
narcotics.
Cheryl starts having sex with
you.
And then you let us stay here
for indefinite amount of time.
I don't know about.
Indefinite amount of time.
Okay.
You got 5 minutes to get Pablo
on the phone.
If you don't, I swear I will go
ins on your ass and you guys
will be in the back of a pickup
truck heading towards TJ.
Within the hour.
Do you understand me?
I don't like TJ.
Well, nobody does.
I hope it's the same number.
This land is your land.
This land is my land ♪.
Kind of.
From California.
To the New York island ♪.
[Phone ringing].
Hola?
Hi, Mrs. Escobar?
Direct tv?
The direct tv is not working.
No, it's Svetlana.
Svetlana?
Svetlana.
[Speaking spanish].
I just want to talk to him for
2 minutes.
He's playing Xbox right now.
Hang up!
I can't hang up, she's talking
to me.
I'm not here.
Well, you are here, you're
talking to me.
Look, he doesn't want to talk to
you.
No, he's playing Wii.
It's Wii bowling.
It's Wii bowling.
It's Wii bowling.
He can't talk.
He doesn't want to talk to you.
No, you can go to hell.
[Speaking spanish].
Hang up the phone, mommy,
please.
Ahh!
Okay, okay, okay.
Just have faith, have faith.
Okay different tactic.
Calling you after 15 years,
trying to talk to you?
For what?
What does she want to say to you
now,
huh?
Did she ask about me?
She asked about.
[Phone ringing].
[Speaking spanish].
Hola.
Yeah, I'm calling from, uh,
sweepstakes.
Ed McMahon.
Ed McMahon?
It's ed McMahon.
Ed McMahon?
I though he was dead.
But we need to deliver to your
son,
Pablo.
My son Pablito, he won the
sweepstakes.
Oh, my!
Yeah, but I have to talk to him
in person.
Svetlana?
Yeah, please don't hang up.
No, he doesn't want to talk!
I have money for you.
How much?
$2,000.
Cash?
Yeah, cash, of course, of
course.
Just let me talk to him for one
minute.
Yeah, okay, but for one minute.
Thank you.
You want to talk to her?
You're going to talk to her.
Here you go, honey.
You ready?
Are you ready?
You want to breast feed, again?
Mommy, please, let me talk.
You cry like a baby.
You ready for this?
Are you ready for this?
I've been born ready.
Please.
For the heartbreak?
For the pain?
The pain, the pain!
Do you remember the pain?
Stop it mommy.
You're being a bitch.
[Whispering].
"The pain."
Hello?
Pablito.
Svetlana?
You disappear on me.
I'm sorry, I just couldn't do
the drugs anymore.
I had to live.
You know, build life.
Yes, that's fair enough.
You still have that cure little
potbelly?
I lost a few pounds.
Yeah, you didn't lose anything.
You're still fat fuck.
Are you still flat-chested and
sickly?
No, my boobs got bigger.
I know, I was anorexic then, it
was too much.
I'm wondering if I can see you,
you know,
for a little reunion.
Well, what do you want?
Yeah, you know, like old times.
You know, copulate on different
substances.
Okay, when?
Well, I was thinking tonight.
Tonight?
Yeah, yeah.
Sounds good.
I can do that.
You can?
8 pm.
Are you still in the hills?
No, we don't live there anymore.
We moved to van Nuys.
You are not going to van Nuys.
You are not going to van Nuys.
It's dangerous over there.
Mama!
Yeah, 49627 Hamlin street, like
hamburger Hamlin.
I like hamburgers.
Okay.
Well, I'll see you.
I'll see you soon.
Ciao, ciao, match my love.
Okay, ciao, ciao.
All right, all right.
Calm down.
Now what's the plan?
Just for you, pablito.
♪.
Come in.
Pablo.
Svetlana.
Hello.
Hi.
Come to bed.
Okay.
You look very you look very
spiffy.
Thank you.
What did you bring for me?
My mommy packed us a lunch.
Sandwiches, some grapes, wine
and your favorite,
heroin.
Oh, fantastic.
Okay.
I'm so happy you are here,
Pablo.
Why don't we take off your
awkward leather jacket?
I know that you need some drugs
to loosen you up.
Yeah, do I ever.
Okay.
You brought a bong.
That's festive.
Okay.
Yeah, I won that in a karaoke
contest.
Really?
Very nice.
There's your glass.
Okay, all right, I'm not a big
fan of that one.
Wow!
Wow, okay, he's lightening up.
All right.
That was really great, dude.
Well, you take a little.
Wow, it looks like the jolly
green giant.
How do you like me now?
Sven, sven!
In here.
Now is the time.
Okay, how about some heroin?
How about some heroin?
Let's do that.
Let's do some heroin.
Okay, I'm grinding.
Sven, get in here.
I can't take it anymore.
Cheryl, Cheryl.
Damn pussy.
You are a pussy.
You are a butter dick.
[Snoring].
Psst.
No more heroin.
No more.
No, Svetlana, it's me.
Sven.
You came back.
I'm really sorry about before.
It's okay.
I've never really done anything
like this before.
My grandmother always told me,
sven,
"it's never too late to bust a
fat Mexican on heroin."
Pablo Escobar, you have the
right to remain silent.
Anything that you do from this
point on is considered.
Did one too many, it's okay.
You have the right to an
attorney and anything you say in
front of that attorney.
Taking you downtown, Pablo.
Do not at any point try
resisting,
or else further charges will
be.
Ah!
I can't breathe!
Oh, yeah.
Ooh, yeah that's good.
Terrell's in the house, baby.
Yeah.
I'm gonna do a trick with the
gangster stick.
I'm gonna do a trick with the
gangster stick.
[Grunting].
Coming on the bed now, baby.
Coming on the bed.
Terrell coming on the bed, baby.
Yes, you are.
Take a look at that toe.
That's a toe.
Oh.
Ooh, that's in the canal.
Oh, there's the lollipop.
I'm on a soul, I'm on a soul
train!
Taking a ride, going to station
after station.
[Giggling].
No, in your deep voice.
[Laughing].