Telenovela (2015) s01e07 Episode Script

1 A piano? What's that doing here? It's for a scene.
What's the problem? You jealous 'cause you can't sing? What? I can sing.
It's just this place is full of performers.
They're going to be drawn to that thing like moths to a flame.
[playing lively tune.]
Ah.
You see? O eh, o eh Xavi, don't.
- O eh, o eh - Mimi! O eh, oo aah O eh, oo aah - Here we go.
- At night When you turn off all the lights There's no place that you can hide Oh no, no Both: The rhythm is gonna get'cha All right, good for you.
Both can sing.
Great.
In bed Throw the covers on your head Nope.
I don't want to dance.
Thank you.
You pretend like you are dead - But I know it - Okay.
The rhythm is gonna get'cha Yeah, yeah Okay, we should get back to work now.
The rhythm is gonna get'cha the rhythm is gonna get'cha Thank you.
Thank you.
The rhythm is going to get you tonight - Seriously? Bongos? - No clue Of what's happening to you And before this night is through, baby The rhythm is going to get you Okay, well oh.
All: The rhythm is gonna get'cha There's a dance routine? All: The rhythm is gonna get'cha The rhythm is gonna get you tonight The rhythm will get you tonight Really? Everybody can sing? Tonight Oh, my God.
We just did that.
I know.
That just happened.
Well, I hope the rhythm gets all of you.
[laughter.]
[flamenco music.]
[playing poignant tune.]
Good luck with both your wives.
Thanks.
Ugh.
Stupid piano is still here.
Stupid? [chuckles.]
This thing is saving lives.
All I have to do is sit here and tickle the ivories and people will open up their hearts.
[playing livelier tune.]
I still sleep with the light on.
Wow.
It really works.
James didn't come in with you? You guys finally took a night off? Nope.
He's right behind me.
Whoa! Hey.
Hey, everybody.
What is that? It's an electronic balancing scooter.
My schedule is so packed, so I'm trying to increase my efficiency.
Oh, he's getting better.
Oh, for sure.
Mr.
McMahon is really, really good.
Hey, listen.
You don't have to suck up to me, okay? Don't think of me like your boss.
Think of me as Ana's boyfriend.
[chuckles.]
Boyfriend? Wow.
After only three weeks.
He doesn't waste any time.
Uh, yes.
I mean, that's the first time I've heard it, but it makes sense.
We sleep together every night, so he's either my boyfriend or a very hairy body pillow.
[laughing.]
- Good for you guys.
- Oh, thank you.
- Cool, Mr.
McMahon.
- Oh, come on, call me James.
Okay? Or Jimbo.
Or Jaime.
- Mm-mmm.
- No, not Jai Okay, okay, fine.
You guys come up with something.
- How about Jimmy-jam? - That's terrible.
I want 100 ideas on my desk by noon.
Listen, beautiful, I gotta go meet Bill Gates for lunch.
You're friends with Bill Gates? I like to think of it more as friends with benefits.
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no.
He gives me free tech support.
[chuckles.]
Okay, babe, I'm off.
Get in here.
Um, ex oh.
One more time.
Here we go.
Also not happening.
Okay, there.
That's fine.
- Besos.
- Eh, don't help him.
- He needs to learn.
- Whoa! Aah! [crashes.]
- What you doing? - Moving in.
I won Rodrigo's dressing room in a poker game last night.
You only won because you lie.
- It's called bluffing.
- It's a lie.
- It's part of the game.
- It still hurts.
When are you guys playing next? I'd love to join.
Both: Ooh.
Ooh, yeah? Ooh, no.
I can play cards.
You're a sweet kid, Roxie, but this game is not for the faint of heart.
Where am I supposed to hang my cat's clothes? Oh, no.
Ana, is it your birthday? I mean, of course I know it's your birthday.
You didn't get my cake? I'm calling the bakery right now.
Oh, I am dialing.
I am so going to yell at them.
Gael, it's not my birthday.
Thank God.
I was falling apart fast.
"Ana, life without you would be 'unbearable,' James.
" - Both: Aww.
- Ah.
- Both: Ah? - Oh, I mean, aww.
- You okay? - Yeah, you know, James is the perfect guy.
He's smart and successful.
It's just it's been getting a little intense.
Flowers every day, this big bear.
Last night he took me to a Cuban restaurant.
- So? - In Cuba.
So romantic.
I feel like a supporting character in your romantic comedy.
I'd be up in the top corner of the poster going like this.
You're lucky.
My ex's idea of being romantic was closing the door when he went to the bathroom.
Well, it is your first real post-divorce relationship.
Yeah, I know.
It's just moving so fast.
But I'm sure I'll catch up to him.
I mean, besides, this bear is pretty cute.
[muffled scream.]
[all screaming.]
Sorry.
Suit gets really hot, so sometimes I pass out.
Which one of you is Ana? [playing piano.]
You know, it's weird.
I've been all over the world and I've only ever seen it through hotel windows and conference rooms.
That's right, man.
Let it out.
But there is one thing that is really going right for me.
Ana.
She is amazing.
I have never met anyone so fun.
Does she still sleep with those mittens on? Yeah, so she doesn't scratch her face during her night terrors.
Yes.
I mean, what is that girl running from, man? [laughter.]
Is it strange that I'm talking about this stuff with her ex-husband? You're not talking to the ex-husband here.
You're talking to the piano man.
James.
What are you doing here? Hey.
I just came to give you Not another talking bear.
A kiss.
I came to give you a kiss.
Oh, okay.
Just a kiss.
Well, in that case, I am gonna kiss you first.
Well, my kiss is gonna kiss your kiss.
Aah! Okay, thank you.
Oh, look at that.
My kiss is having little baby kisses.
Now I'm kissing all over your face.
Oh, this is almost too many kisses.
[phone ringing.]
Oh, oh, oh.
I gotta take this.
I'm gonna see you tonight though, yeah? - Yeah.
- I love you.
No, Mark, I'm talking to my girlfriend.
[chuckles.]
This guy.
I like you a lot too though.
Wha did James just say he loves me? 'Cause if he did, that's not moving slow at all.
That's moving very, very fast.
Maybe he just meant love you like in a cool way.
You know, like, "Love ya.
" Look, if James loves me, we have a problem 'cause I don't love him yet.
I haven't even let him see me without makeup on! I've never seen you without makeup.
Okay, this is not the point.
Don't freak out.
We don't know what he meant by that.
Hey, um, I just said I loved you and that was weird, right? Yes.
Yes, thank you.
So weird.
- Look, it just slipped out.
- Okay.
But I wanted you to know what I meant by it.
I love you, Ana Sofia Calderon.
I really love you.
Muah.
Well, that was very clear.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna have to break up with James.
[dramatic piano sting.]
Really, Xavi? - I mean, the longer you put off bre - I know, I know.
She's breaking up with our boss? Are you sure that's for us? I meant you.
I said you.
He's got a point.
Whatever you do, just do it nicely.
If he gets upset, he can cancel our show.
Next thing you know, we're sweeping floors for a living.
He didn't mean it like that.
You're a very important part of the show.
You know what? Let me finish up for you.
Guys, what do I do? What's the best way to break up with someone without hurting their feelings? Well, when my time with a partner is over, I take her to my cabin on the beach.
After a few days of crying, journaling, and orgasms, we write our farewells, put them in a bottle, - and send them out to sea.
- Ah.
Or? You know what you shouldn't do? You shouldn't take all their stuff, dump it in the front yard, and set it on fire.
Hey.
I was doing you a favor.
Back then, your wardrobe was 90% fringe.
Lift your feet, please.
Okay, I'm going to say something crazy.
Why don't you just tell him the truth? That you're not ready for this kind of a relationship.
The truth? But that's hard.
James deserves the truth.
Ever since his parents got divorced he's had trouble trusting.
How do you know that? And why don't I know that? I'm the piano man.
People tell me things.
Have you ever had a threesome that got out of hand? Hey, you guys want to know whith - is always late to work? - All: Why? - He drives his kids to school.
- Mm.
What? I didn't say they were all interesting.
Okay, you can do this, Ana.
Just be honest.
Just tell him your feelings.
He'll totally understand.
- Aah! Don't kill me! - Wait, I'm not gonna kill you.
- Unless it's with kisses.
- Oh.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey dude.
Uh, I really need to talk to you about something.
I've been thinking about our relationship.
- Yeah? - And, well, I've been uncomfortable for a while, you know, because Because I'm your boss.
I knew it.
Yeah.
Yes.
That.
You are my boss.
And it's awkward for everyone at work.
Our relationship has raised a few eyebrows - over at corporate.
- Mm.
Which is hard to do considering we have in-house Botox.
Oh, that's not good.
I mean, I'm not the relationship police, but you're under arrest.
[chuckles.]
You know, I was just I was trying to ignore the whole work thing so that we could be together, but I don't think we can keep going on like this.
Me neither.
I'm sorry.
Me too.
- Mm.
- Mmm.
Hey, we're gonna be okay.
Yeah.
I'm sure we will.
Oh.
[gasps.]
[dramatic music.]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Was I in the shot? - Cut! - James? I I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I have some fantastic news.
I just quit my job.
So now we can be together all the time.
[beeping.]
Aah! Oh, this is gonna be amazing.
- Oh, oh, James, I need - Oh, yeah, here.
- One, two, three.
- Okay.
Um, wait, uh, you quit your job for me? That's so romantic.
Do you have a gay brother? Father? A gay anything? Aunt.
So I am no longer the network president.
I feel so good! [chuckles.]
This is crazy.
You love your job.
But it was taking up all of my time.
I wasn't living life.
Now I can be all in in our relationship.
Oh, you you weren't already all in? 'Cause you seemed pretty all in.
Hardly.
I can't wait to spend every free moment getting lost in your eyes.
Oh.
James? Wait, what what just oh, my God.
I just did it again.
[laughter.]
Muah.
[sighs.]
I thought you broke up with him.
I thought I did too.
I mean, I may not have been 100% honest about it all.
Well, be honest now.
Are you kidding? He just quit his job for me.
Now I have to see this thing through.
Oh, God! We're gonna be married together.
So we all agree, no lying tonight? Yes.
You lying right now? Yes.
- Is this my seat? - Oh.
I thought we agreed you weren't gonna play.
All right.
Well, I gotta warn you.
We're playing Texas no-limit, one-eyed jacks wild.
So, suicide kings, no river don't play, I'll deal.
Buy-in is 20/40.
Don't get caught crossing Fourth Street.
Aah! YouTube shuffling videos are very unreliable.
- No! Don't kill me! - [muffled gunfire.]
- What the hell? - No, no, get back! [gunfire continues.]
Aah! What? James? What's going on? I thought you were being murdered.
I was gonna save you.
With your stain remover? Oh.
It was either this or my mace.
Why didn't I grab my mace? Ja what's going on? Well, I woke up this morning and for the first time, my whole day wasn't planned right down to the second, so I got up, I took a shower, I went for a jog, I took a shower, I made a frittata, I read the paper, and then it was 6:00 a.
m.
and I had nothing to do, so I figured I'd, you know, come here and wait for you.
- That was 12 hours ago.
- Uh-huh.
Did you know that you can get everything that you need now online and they'll deliver it in, like, an hour.
Pizza, beer, a TV, video games.
- Rodney and I were talking - Who's Rodney? 'Sup? Rodney, the pizza delivery guy.
So we were talking and I realized I never learned how to chill.
But Rod-Rod here, he is the king of chilling.
He recommended these amazing breadsticks.
- You should try one.
- Look, James, - this is all just - Try, try, try.
- Okay, thank you.
Uh-huh.
- Okay.
Mm.
What a these are amazing.
Right? What I was saying is, I'm not comfortable with all these changes.
I know you probably think quitting my job was crazy.
Yes.
A little.
It's just, you can't spend your entire days waiting for me.
You need a "you" plan.
There has to be more to your future than playdates with Rodney.
- Huh? - Look, I've actually been thinking a lot about the future, and I promise you I have a plan.
Good.
Oh, my God! There's cheese in here! I know.
Just fold, Rodrigo.
I know you got nothing.
What? I have a great hand.
You have a queen and a four.
How'd you know that? 'Cause you mouthed "queen" and then counted to four with your fingers.
Fold.
Don't get cocky.
There's lots of money in that pot.
You know what they say about money.
It's very useful when you need to buy things.
You're in over your head.
You're going down.
[sobbing.]
What's happening? Are you okay? I just wanted you guys to take me seriously.
You were right.
I can't handle this game.
No, no, it's okay.
How about this? I'm going to fold.
Just please stop crying.
I fold.
You just got played, player.
[chuckles.]
Come on.
That's not all you guys bet.
We're headed out.
You coming? No, I'm just gonna stay here and wash my hair pieces.
You don't want to go home because James is there.
[scoffs.]
Okay, I'm hearing, like, zero words.
I told you you needed to talk to him.
I did.
I talked to him last night.
And I told him we couldn't go on like this, and he said he had a plan for the future.
Okay, what's the plan? - I don't know.
- I think I do.
A couple of days ago, James asked me for your ring size.
Oh, my God.
You guys don't think he's gonna - Both: Propose? - I know, I was just checking.
I gotta find James and stop him before it's too late.
Come on.
[gasps.]
Oh, my God.
- It might be too late.
- Oh, it's happening.
It's happening now! [piano music playing.]
Oh.
I have so many burning questions Oh, no.
Oh! Oh! No, I don't want Mimi! Things I need to know about you Like how are you so amazing? Thank you so okay.
I'll sit.
Do you like when I call you my boo? Where have you been hiding all of my life? Why you stick your tongue out when you drive? And how do your green eyes sparkle like they do? I'm just kidding.
I know they're brown.
Won't you indulge me? You make my heart bulge-y Being without you causes me strife So I have to ask the biggest question of all Ana, will you be my I don't want to marry you.
I want to break up! Date to my cousin Danny's wedding in Omaha [confetti shooting.]
Oh, little Danny's getting married? With the sure.
Yeah.
Okay.
[playing poignant song on piano.]
I didn't want to hurt James, but things were moving so fast.
I thought he was going to propose.
But he didn't Ah! I got sucked into the piano therapy thing.
I'm done.
[resumes poignant piano music.]
It's just he's such a great guy.
And I care about him so much.
[sighs.]
I just wasn't ready for all this.
You should tell him that.
I tried.
He won't talk to me.
I even asked Bill Gates to call on my behalf, but he didn't want to "get in the middle.
" Well, you need to find a way to make him listen.
Shh! I have an idea.
James, we lied to you.
There isn't a loose tiger onstage who only responds to your voice.
- Yeah, I figured that out.
- When? The second after you told me.
I know I'm here to talk to Ana.
I'm not here to talk, I'm here to sing.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry.
[lively piano music.]
James.
Please forgive me I should have been honest all along So I put my apology Into this little song Oh! [grunts.]
I'm okay.
I messed up I li-li-li-li-lied I ruined Harmonize with me, Xavi.
Come on.
I can't.
- I ju - Okay, stop, stop, stop.
Stop.
Just I forgive you, okay? Just stop singing.
Both: Please See? There it is.
James, I just oh, God.
This dress is so uncomfortable.
Oh, there was also a dance number.
A whole lot of this.
[chuckles.]
Um, look, James, I really thought you were gonna propose.
Why did you ask for my ring size? I was getting you custom-made gloves.
I mean, what was I supposed to do? Just buy 'em right off the shelf? Hands are like snowflakes.
I'm so sorry.
That's why I sang that song for you.
I wanted to give you that gift.
[chuckles.]
Was that a gift? I should have been honest with you from the start.
Aw, look, I know I come on strong, okay? I'm just an all in kinda guy.
I'm all in on love.
I'm all in on work.
I'm all in on "Law and Order," I'll tell you that much.
Man, I have seen every single episode, including all the spinoffs.
That's like a thousand hours of television.
Oh, my good God.
Maybe I do go a little overboard.
Well, maybe it's time for you to slow down and figure out what you want.
Yes.
Bingo.
Yes, you are right.
I need to eat, pray, love on this.
I need to travel, take some classes, read.
Oh, my gosh.
I am gonna slow down so hard.
I am going to crush slowing down.
- Hey, James.
- I'm doing it again, am I not? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Okay, look, maybe when I get back we'll both be ready to try this again.
- I'd like that.
- Me too.
Ana Sofia Calderon.
- Thanks, Jaime.
- It's Jimmy-jam.
- Hugo, we're home.
- [cat meows.]
Oh, my God.
James, where are you? - Tibet.
- Oh, looks like Wisconsin.
Well, they call Tibet the Wisconsin of the east.
- [chuckles.]
- But this trip is amazing.
I'm really having some me time, you know? I peed "James" into the snow on four different mountain tops.
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
You're really doing it.
Oh [feed distorts.]
James? Well.
Hey.
How'd it go? Good.
He seems to be in a good place.
You were right.
Being honest was the way to go.
And in the end, no one got hurt.
Mm.
Want to go get some froyo? You know what? James has inspired me.
Let's be crazy and get some ice cream.
[chuckles.]
I mean, no one lives forever.
Right.
Ana? Ana? Whoa! Oh, no!