Ten Year Old Tom (2021) s01e07 Episode Script

1
- Now as our poor
young lungs deflate ♪
I'll admit
I've gotten older ♪
Mellowed out ♪
Chatting up
those I used to hate ♪
[acoustic music]
The feeling that we're lost
will always fade ♪
I present no explanation ♪
Can't expect
our tired patience ♪
To satiate for long ♪
And therein lies a truth
we can sip when we want ♪
Disciples of the flow,
we can float anywhere ♪
- Okay, kids.
All right, simmer down.
[students chattering]
Look up here. Eyes up here.
I'm Mr. Shifrin.
I'm your substitute teacher
for today.
If you guys could
all just be quiet
for one second,
that'd be great.
I just got a few things
we gotta go over, okay?
Hello? I am demanding respect.
I demand respect.
- Tom, you see what I see?
- Yeah,
the sub's losing control.
- Let's go loiter
in the bathroom.
- Loiter?
We're not allowed.
We're in class.
- We got a sub.
The laws of society
no longer apply.
- No, no, no, I've had
too many incidents.
I can't get in trouble.
- We won't get in trouble.
This guy's clueless.
Look at him.
- Let's bring
the noise level down, okay?
That is rude.
- I mean, if he let us leave,
we done nothing wrong.
- Why would he let us leave?
- Watch this.
- I am a grown man,
and I am in a position
of authority.
- Hey, uh,
can we be excused from class?
We have
chiropractor appointments.
- Yeah, joint
chiropractor appointments.
- Is that a pun
or do you have
simultaneous chiropractor
appointments?
- Yeah, I've got a bad back,
and he's got a bad foot, so
- I have a note by the way.
Here you go.
- I can't argue with this.
What are your names?
- Just put down Hank and Irv.
- All right, cool.
Yeah, I'll write it down.
- We can leave?
- Yeah, I mean, you got a note.
- Come on, Irv.
Whoo!
- Oh, my God, it worked.
We're on the loose.
- Yeah!
- What do we do?
Go in the bathroom?
- Guys, I'm in.
- In where? In with what?
- I'm in with
whatever weird stuff
is going on here.
- Oh, no.
- Let's get in some trouble.
- That seems a little
out of character, no?
- My brother gets in trouble
all the time,
but my mom expects me
to be perfect?
- All right, what you thinking?
- Small fires,
defecating on walls
- What? I signed up
for loitering, that's it.
- Ah, busted!
- Oh, no.
- You guys have hall passes?
- All right,
I guess we're busted.
Don't tell the principal.
- I'm kidding.
I don't give a shit
about hall passes.
I'm a janitor.
What kinda trouble
you guys getting into?
I love this stuff.
- Pretty messed up.
We made fake
chiropractor notes.
- Yeah, now we loitering
by the bathroom.
- That's it? That's what
passes for trouble these days?
- You know,
let's go back to class.
Let's pretend
this never happened.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You can't go back to class.
Years from now,
your best memories of childhood
will be when you misbehaved.
Do you know what
"carpe diem" means?
- No; I learned Latin
for the spelling bee,
but it didn't really stick.
- It means "seize the day."
Look, if you wanna
leave school grounds,
I'd be happy to smuggle you out
in my garbage can.
- All right, this guy's
clearly lost his mind.
- We're in!
- In?
- Everybody in the can.
- What? No, no, please.
- Get in the trash,
you little rebels.
- I'm not getting
in the garbage can.
- It's been
a light garbage day,
so you'll both fit.
[sneaky music]
Look, you want me
to drive you to a bar?
- Oh, no,
we're gonna part ways.
You can't be part of the team.
- I wanna hang out
with you guys.
I'm lonely.
- No, that--that's
where I draw the line.
Wow, what an adventure.
We walked to Taco Bell.
That's crazy.
Should we head back?
- What are
we gonna tell people?
We stood in line for tacos?
- That sounds like
a good story.
I'd tell--I'd tell
my grandkids that story.
- Oh, my goodness.
- I've got an idea.
Why don't we just
dine and dash?
- Yes!
- Stop, stop.
No, no, no.
- Yes.
Tom, let's use that honest
little face of yours.
You get up there,
you do the talking.
- Whatever happened
to loitering?
I thought that was the plan.
- Yeah, but now we about to
put the whole plan together,
which is a Taco Bell heist.
- Okay, fine,
one quick Taco Bell heist,
and then
we're going back to school.
Hey, can I just get,
like, 30 tacos?
- Oh, wow, do you want them
in the Fiesta Party Packs
or do you want them individual?
- Yeah, just a couple
of Fiesta Party Packs.
- Okay.
- And then we'll just
settle the bill later.
So, you know.
- So you want me to
give them to you on a tray
and then watch you
come back and pay?
- You don't have to
watch anything.
Just typical restaurant stuff,
you know.
- This isn't a restaurant.
This is fast food.
- Just give us the food.
Be cool, come on.
- You see this guy behind me?
- Yeah.
- Okay, that's
the assistant manager.
Do you know how
freaking hard he would get
if he could fire me for this?
- I just want to be clear,
we're not, like,
dining and dashing or anything.
- It sounds like you're
trying to dine and dash.
- Why, 'cause I just said
we're not dining and dashing?
- Okay, bye.
- Very disappointing.
Very disappointing
restaurant experience.
- Go ahead and write a review.
I dare you to take the time.
- As soon as I get a phone
and open a Yelp account,
this place is gonna hear it.
- Lord, save me
if I'm still here
when that happens.
- Come on, Tom!
- I'm sorry.
- Rule number one
of dining and dashing,
don't discuss dashing.
- All right, well,
that didn't work.
Let's head back to school and--
- No! Since you
screwed up the heist,
we have to do something else.
Let's, uh--I don't know.
Let's hitchhike.
- All right,
you're out of control.
- Let's take a vote.
Nelson, do you wanna hitchhike?
- Uh, I gotta go with Dakota.
- Nelson, please, come on.
- You blew it with
the dining and dash,
so we gotta take it
to another level.
- Here's the plan: find
the creepiest weirdo we can
and get in their vehicle.
[horn honks]
- Hey, kids. What's up?
You guys need a ride?
- Sorry, buddy.
You're not creepy enough.
Keep it moving.
- All right,
down the block I go.
- Let's just--come on,
let's go back to school.
Are you feeling okay, Dakota?
- I can't go back to school
until I commit
a crime so heinous
that my mom disowns me.
- I thought that was you guys.
Hop in, you crazy rascals.
- No way.
- No?
- He's known to us.
- This is perfect.
He's creepy,
but he's a familiar face.
This is cool.
I've never hitchhiked before.
- You still haven't.
I was sitting in the same seat
two hours ago.
- Yeah, but now
we're hitchhiking.
I mean, once your thumb is up,
it's against the law.
- What are you guys
arguing about?
I hear you talking
about thumbing things.
I'm nervous.
- Oh, we skipped school,
and now we just
tooling around town.
- Ooh, I like that.
You're pulling a Bueller!
- A what?
- All right, I wanna help.
- Let's just go back to school.
- Sorry, for nostalgic reasons,
I need to facilitate
any Bueller-related activities.
Strap in, kids!
- Whoo!
- Oh, no, don't turn around.
What are you doing?
- I have to.
- Stop, stop.
- Back it up right now.
Okay, over shot it
a little bit.
[glass shatters]
That's bad.
Now I'm gonna gun it forward.
And we are off!
- You should not
be a bus driver.
- I know.
- can't see what my hands
are doing, though.
- Um, sub?
- I have a name.
My name is Mr. Shifrin.
I've said that repeatedly.
- Yeah, okay,
so my friend, Dakota,
she's been gone for,
like, a really long time.
Can I go
check the halls for her?
- No, you cannot
go check the halls.
I've got this.
The only kids missing
are Hank and Irv,
but they had simultaneous
chiropractor appointments.
- Are you an idiot?
- Why does everybody
keep asking me that?
- Kids haven't had names
like that for, like, 50 years.
- Oh, God, no.
Oh, come on, Kevin.
Get your shit together!
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
- Can I go?
- Okay, kids.
I am taking you
to the sketchiest,
sleaziest strip mall
in the tri-state area.
- Cool.
- They had a pack of wild rats
living in one of the pretzel
stores for a long time.
- No, this sounds dangerous.
My mom doesn't like me
hanging around with wild rats.
- I mean, as a kid,
I got in so much trouble here
for doing doughnuts,
giving rim jobs.
A cop pepper-sprayed me.
All kinds of fun kid stuff.
- Ah, I love it.
- Oh, come on, man.
- This is
the sleazy strip mall?
[jazzy music playing over
speakers]
- Well, looks like it's changed
a little from back in the day.
- Where are all the rats?
- Yeah.
You've really played up
the rats too much.
- Well, on the plus side,
we can get a smoothie
and some throw pillows.
Who's with me?
- You know what?
We'll meet you in there.
- Go team.
- Guys, we are so not
meeting him in there.
- What?
- The clock is ticking,
and we need to do
something wrong.
Use your brain, Tom! Think!
What would the janitor do?
- What would the janitor do?
- The world's crazy
so you get crazy.
Get in the trash,
you little rebels.
Why don't you
poop in your hand
and throw it everywhere?
- Let's not do any of that.
- Okay, I have an idea.
What if we steal the bus?
- All right, stop.
- Oh, snap.
- You like it?
- If we drive the bus
even ten feet,
we will be legends.
- Guys, we're not
driving a bus, obviously.
- Oh, come on, man.
You read about
these stories all the time.
"Little kid went on a joyride.
What a little rascal."
- That won't be
the headline here.
It's gonna be
"Tom murders multiple people."
- You gotta be 18
to murder somebody.
If you young, it's a joyride.
- The desk is on fire!
Let it burn!
- Guys, let's bring it down,
all right?
- Eat my shoe, sub!
- That was uncalled for.
[phone dialing]
- 911, what's your emergency?
- Yes, hi, I need to
report some missing kids.
I am at a school.
I believe the name
is Shady Oaks Elementary.
- Wait a minute, you believe?
- Yeah, I believe--
I think I saw it.
- You don't know
the name of the school?
- I believe its name
is Shady Oaks Elementary.
- Hold on, are you
a substitute teacher?
- Yes, ma'am, I am.
I don't know what that
has to do with anything.
- Sorry to say, sir,
we do not take calls
from substitutes.
It's a state-wide policy.
- Excuse me?
- Well, you're really
unreliable sources,
and you can't
retain information.
- I'm a grown, mature man,
and I am reporting
some missing children.
- I'm sorry, goodbye.
- Did you just hang up?
Did 911 just hang up on me?
- I don't feel good
about this.
I don't feel good
about this at all.
- Woah, woah, woah.
Keep us steady.
Straighten it out a little bit.
- I'm trying.
I don't have
the upper body strength.
- Oh, my gosh.
Straighten it out, Tom.
- I can't control the vehicle.
- Tom, we are in the grass.
Straighten her out!
- Oh, no, what am I hitting?
What is that sound?
Bushes or people?
- Uh-oh.
Everybody,
head between your knees.
Brace for impact.
We're hitting something.
- Iceberg!
[crash]
[car alarm beeping]
- Guys, we just crashed
into my mom's car.
This is amazing!
- Amazing? This is a disaster.
- I crashed into my mom's car
in a stolen bus
with Tom, of all people,
who she hates.
I can't wait to see
the look on her face.
- I'm so confused right now.
- All right, you know what?
I'm not gonna
stick around for this.
- Guys, what's the point
if I don't get credit for it?
I need her to know it was me.
- You gotta
work this out in therapy.
We outta here.
- Here we go.
[car alarm beeping]
- "Please don't be mad.
"We took the bus.
It happens."
[sighs]
Rule number one of bus driving,
never leave the kids
in a running bus.
They steal it every time.
- Okay, we're about
to become legends.
- They're gonna talk
about us for generations.
We are the kids
who stole the bus.
- Woah, guys, look.
- Oh, my God.
- There's cops,
there's teachers.
This is amazing.
We're gonna be on the news.
- Just tell them
it was all your idea.
Tom really was a bystander.
- I know what I'm gonna say,
I'm ready.
Okay, you got me.
- "You got me"?
That was your big zinger?
- Uh, hello? Criminal here.
- Oh, my God, Dakota.
there you are.
You've missed, like, so much.
The sub is, like,
totally losing it.
He was slapping himself
and just, like, freaking out
and was like,
"No one respects me!"
And now he's, uh, threatening
to jump off the building.
- I'll do it!
Maybe you'll appreciate me
when I'm gone!
How do you find
a sub for a sub?
It can't be done!
- Sir, to be honest,
I don't know your name,
but we value you
at this school.
- Oh, please!
No one respects me!
- I respect you.
- Here, we'll do a little test!
Let's hear a round of applause
from everyone here
that respects me!
Crickets!
That kid right there,
he told me
he had an appointment
for a chiropractor
so he could skip school
and I believed him.
- He skipped school?
- How clueless am I?
Goodbye, world!
[crowd gasping]
Ah! Oof.
What kind of idiot
lands in a bush?
- Wow, that was
so anticlimactic.
- Tom, skipping school?
That's not okay.
- I'm sorry.
- Hey, you wanna use
the handcuffs?
- Yes, handcuffs!
- What?
- All right, come here,
you little son of a bitch.
- What? No, get off.
- Here we go. Oh, don't resist.
- I literally left school
for 45 minutes.
- What about me?
You don't wanna cuff me?
I stole a bus,
and I almost stole some tacos.
- Oh, that's funny, Dakota.
You're so responsible,
often I think
you should be the principal.
- Okay, let's go.
Downtown, buddy.
- You know what?
This whole persona
is just not
getting any traction.
- Look, it's
a running bus right here.
If nobody's gonna question it,
we should take it
for another spin, right?
- You know, I feel like
you're the only one
who gets it at this school.
[upbeat music]
♪
[noble music]
♪
- "Not great at math."
What kind of idiot
would write that?
- Look at this kid.
Going nowhere real fast.
- "Not great at math?"
I'm gonna destroy this guy.
- Hey, Randy, what's new?
How's that applesauce? Good?
- Tom.
You know I don't like
talking about applesauce.
They take an apple,
they mush it up,
they make it sauce, we eat it.
End of story.
- Sorry, Randy.
- "I'm not great at math?"
- What? What's wrong?
- Come on, Tom!
You need to run this stuff
by me first.
- I promised
my mom I'd be honest.
I thought people would
find it disarmingly charming.
- That's too honest.
Look at the posters.
People are not even
defacing the posters.
That's how bad it is.
- The reaction has been tepid.
- All right, let's not panic.
We can save this
with a good speech.
- Oh, yeah, I've got
a speech that's gonna
knock your dick off.
- Excuse me?
- Don't tell anyone
I said that.
I'm not allowed to curse.
- We just gonna let that slide.
Just run the speech by me,
baby, let's go.
- All right, it goes,
"Hi, my name is Tom,
and I apologize
for my appearance."
- Why am I friends
with this guy?
- All right, and then it
kicks into high gear.
"Sure, I'm not great at math,
"and sure,
I don't tuck in my shirts,
"but someone
has to be the treasurer.
So why not me? Vote for Tom."
- Tom, this is the worst
speech I've ever heard.
- What part don't you like?
- Hey, mind if I join you guys?
- Oh, woah,
you eat in the cafeteria?
- Technically, I never
graduated from this school,
so yes, my student ID
still works.
- You still go here?
- Yes, I'm basically enrolled.
I'm one of you.
I'm amongst my peers here.
- Don't touch me.
- Get out of my way, kid.
That's my seat.
It's been my seat for 26 years.
- I hate this. I hate you guys.
- So what are we talking about?
- Tom's running for office,
but he's not comfortable
with the concept of lying.
- You don't need to lie, Tom.
You need to learn
to stretch the truth.
- What does that mean?
- You talk in a way
that's deceiving
but not technically a lie.
- Okay?
- Let me give you an example.
You can't say something like,
"I will be a good treasurer,"
'cause you won't.
- Of course not.
I'll be the worst.
- You say, "I believe
I will be a good treasurer."
- Oh, that's good.
That is nice.
- Wow, this is like
a whole new language.
Can you help me rewrite
my speech? We've got an hour.
- Tom, I got nothing but time.
As a bus driver, I'm busy
from about 8:00 to 8:20 a.m.
and then again
from 2:00 to 2:20 p.m.
Otherwise, I'm good to go.
- So in conclusion,
as treasurer,
I will work hard
and do what's best
for the school.
And more importantly,
I am not Tom.
Thank you. Not Tom.
- Okay, he's, uh, not Tom.
- Next up for treasurer is--
and don't boo people.
Please, come on, be nice,
listen to him.
Please welcome Tom.
- This guy sounds trustworthy.
- Thank you.
Anyone who knows me
knows I'm a
real straight shooting
son of a B.
The kinda guy
you can have a beer with
if you're old enough
to drink beer.
- Tell 'em, Tom. Preach!
- I don't know much about math,
but here's what I do know.
I believe school should be fun.
- Okay, yes,
that's interesting.
- I believe
we should have a rock climbing
wall in the gym.
How does that sound?
- Yes!
- I believe!
- What? That's so dangerous.
- I believe we should have
free gum
being shot out of a cannon
- What?
- As we walk
to and from the bus.
That's what I believe.
- Yeah, Tom!
- I'm a believer!
- Hey, hey, hey,
come on, you guys.
- I believe we should have
an old Italian man
feeding us gelato
throughout the day.
- I hear you, baby!
- Yes, say it!
- Gelato?
- All I know is this.
I believe my name is Tom,
and I believe I'm running
for treasurer.
Thank you.
- Yeah, Tom!
- Go, Tom! Whoo!
- Gotta believe.
- All right, gang.
Well, listen.
This is our first
student council meeting.
- Woo!
- So there you go.
I like the enthusiasm.
Let's introduce
our brand-new president.
Take it away, Dakota.
- Okay, thank you.
Uh, guys,
our first order of business
is to discuss these
insane promises Tom made
to become treasurer.
- Oh, no, no,
those weren't promises.
I just listed things
I believe in.
So I think
we're good to go here.
- Good to go?
Tom, you lied to everyone.
- No, I stretched the truth.
It's very common.
- What was the truth part?
- Gelato clearly exists.
No one's disputing that,
are they?
If you're gonna be
sticklers about it,
I mean, let's just
purchase all the stuff
and be done with it, right?
Meeting adjourned.
- First of all,
you can't adjourn a meeting.
Treasurers
can't adjourn meetings.
- Oh, no,
the treasurer is all--
all powerful.
- What?
- I thought I'm the boss.
What happened?
- How would you pay
for all this stuff?
- How would I pay?
That's not my department.
- Yes, it is!
- I'm just the treasurer.
- I don't think he knows
what a treasurer does.
- I obviously know
what a treasurer is
if I ran for the job. I--
- So what is it?
- I oversee the inner workings
of the school.
- Even you know
you're full of you-know-what.
- No, okay, I have to
stop this right here.
- Not a strong first meeting.
- Tom, I worked very hard
to become class president,
and I need my first
hundred days to go well.
- Okay.
- My father is a CPA.
I want you to go to
his office tonight,
and he'll teach you his, uh,
quote, "accounting tricks."
Got it?
- Oh, no, please, no.
Anyone but your dad.
He's messed up.
You gotta admit, Dakota,
your dad is messed up.
- He's got his issues,
but when it comes to, quote,
"cooking the books," unquote,
he's the best in the biz.
- Now, listen, Tom,
right out of the gate
let's address
the elephant in the room.
I mean, I did some weird stuff
on that fishing trip.
- It was.
It was very weird.
- Trying to bang an escort
in front of a little kid.
Who does that?
- That was a lot to process.
- Peeing in a circle.
I mean, that's not for me.
- I don't know why
I went along with it.
- So Dakota tells me
you need my help.
- I do; I need to find funds
in our student council budget.
I miscalculated by,
like, 20 grand.
- Well, this should be easy.
[upbeat rap music playing]
- What's happening?
- Bang! Eight Gs just like that
out of nowhere.
- Wow.
- Depreciate some assets there,
move that over there.
Yeah, take that, number seven.
- Wow, you really
get into this, don't you?
You're taking your shirt off,
oh, my God!
- Well, it's gotta
come off, Tom,
I'm a superhuman computer.
- Feels inappropriate,
but let's keep adding.
- Yeah! Ah, fund it, baby,
fund it.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, feels good,
doesn't it, Tom?
- It's a little weird but--
- Yeah.
Take that down your throat,
number five.
- This is on the up and up?
We can do all this?
- We can do anything
we damn well please.
We're accountants, bitch.
- You calling me a bitch or--
- The secret is to create
a document that's so thick
no one will take the time
to read it.
Anddone.
- All right, great.
Thanks for all your help.
- All right.
- The whole thing was great,
a lot of fun.
The music,
the taking the shirt off.
The whole thing
was really great.
Good news, principal.
I found the money.
- What is this?
- Feast your eyes
on the new budget.
- Okay, I gotta ask you.
How did you find this money?
- You know, I ran the numbers,
crunched the, uh, math.
It's all in the document.
Feel free to read it.
- Uh, how many pages is that?
- Exactly 1,000.
- Wow, okay.
- I just need an approval.
If you wanna read it,
that's on you.
- Well, you know what, Tom?
I trust you, it's approved.
- Amazing.
- A rock climbing wall.
Wow, Tom.
How much did this thing cost?
- Don't worry about the money.
That's my department.
- All right, everybody!
Who likes gum?
Boom!
- This is amazing!
- Bubble-licious!
- Wait, did he fly you in
from Italy?
- He doesn't speak English,
but yes, I flew him in.
That's right, rock climbing
wall compliments of Tom.
- Thank Tom, Tom the treasurer!
He got you this gum! Yeah!
- All right, enjoy, everyone.
Remember who got this for you,
Gelato Tom.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Come on in, guys.
- Hey, hi.
- Hey.
- I'm proud of you, Dakota.
You're the most
popular president
this school's ever had.
- I have to say
it was a team effort.
Tom did a great job
with the budget.
- Glad it's working out,
you know?
It's just the way I am.
I get things done,
and I deliver the goods.
- Sorry to interrupt.
We got a disaster on our hands.
- That didn't take long.
- Nelson, please,
you're not part of
the student government.
- I'm Tom's fixer.
- Yeah, he's my guy.
Is there an issue?
- Gelato guy says
his check bounced.
- Oh, no.
- Hector's on his way.
- Hector?
- Yeah, he's coming to see
the budget.
He think you lied, Tom.
- How could I lie?
It's all in the document.
- Yeah, he prepared
this big, thick document.
- Did you even
read that document?
- Oh, no, what have I done?
Fantasy football stats?
- Oh, no, don't read it.
- This is a job application?
- Stop reading that.
Don't--don't look at that.
- Leasing offers
for a Dodge Durango?
He just glued stuff together.
- That's literally
a leasing quote?
- This whole thing
is gibberish, Tom.
- There are clearly some typos.
- Tom, you're a great friend,
but I'm throwing you
to the wolves now.
- Your dad's the one
who printed it, so
- I don't know
who you're talking about.
My dad's a chiropractor,
and I was never here.
- What is going on here?
The whole administration
is betraying
their beloved treasurer.
- Okay, listen, this looks
really bad for both of us.
There's only
one thing we can do.
- Be honest
like my mom says, right?
- No, not at all.
You go on a shredding rampage.
- Oh.
- Nelson, go distract Hector
and buy us some time.
- I'm on it.
- Tom, start shredding.
Just shred,
shred, shred, shred.
- We should lower our voices
if nothing else, right?
If you're gonna shred,
you don't scream,
"Shred, shred."
- What? Are you trying to
just be right on something?
Shred, shred, shred!
Imagine what a maniac
looks like when he shreds,
and then do that.
[percussive music]
- Yo, Hector,
could I ask you a question?
- I'm in a hurry. What?
- I was thinking,
there's not a lot
of famous Hectors, are there?
- What?
What are you talking about?
There's Hector Ballesteros,
you know,
the Colombian weightlifter.
- Nah, that don't count.
Famous weightlifter?
- Yeah, he's a big deal.
Hector Crawford,
the Australian radio producer.
- There's no such thing.
- Trust me, there are more.
I just don't have time
for this right now.
- Wait, whoa, Hector,
come back, there's a call.
There's a call for you
on my phone.
I think it's an emergency.
Hector, they need you!
- You know what, Tom?
I'm proud of you.
I mean, this is a great
life lesson in integrity.
- Integrity? I feel like
we're covering up a lie, no?
- Stop. I love that your head's
always spinning
with ideas but no.
When something is shredded,
right? You're following me?
- Yeah.
- It's like it never existed.
- What does that mean?
I don't--
- Abraham Lincoln said,
"Shredding isn't lying.
It's the absence of the truth."
- I can't imagine
Abe Lincoln had a shredder.
- Somebody said it.
- Ah-ha!
The jig is up, Tom.
I know you cooked the books,
and I wanna see this budget.
- Do you see a budget?
I don't see a budget.
- Wait a minute.
Are you shredding evidence?
- I don't think
there was a budget.
I don't know
if a budget even existed.
Who's to say?
- Wait a minute.
Isn't this the budget
right here?
- Wait, what?
- "Student council budget."
- Oh, no, don't touch that.
- Tom, please!
What have you just been
shredding this whole time?
- I was just
shredding everything
in the filing cabinets.
- Oh, my God!
Tom, you shredded
the students' master files!
- You've really gotta do
something about your voice.
It sounds too high.
- This is a disaster!
- Are those important?
- Yes, they're important.
Now every student
has to repeat fifth grade,
and you know what?
I want you to tell them.
- Okay, I'll write a speech
that'll knock your dick off.
- Woah.
- Forget--forget I said it.
That was inappropriate.
I'll just prepare some remarks.
How's that?
Hey guys, it's Tom,
your beloved treasurer,
here with another speech.
Listen, it sounds like
due to a shredding mishap
we're just gonna start
fifth grade over
so should be a fun year.
By the way,
am I still treasurer
in this scenario or no?
- No, Tom,
you're not treasurer.
You're gonna resign.
- All right, this is--
I guess this is also
my resignation speech.
So getting a lot done.
- Remember
there's more road ♪
And places to go ♪
And patterns to contemplate,
more people to fornicate ♪
And remember there's a lot
of good omens supplying ♪
The proof that our life
is the best joke ever told ♪
Remember it's a joke
and leave it alone ♪
Let go and try to be
always abiding ♪
Remember if there's
one good reason for dying ♪
The sweet silver lining,
through you, she lives on ♪
And therein lies a truth
we can sip when we want ♪
Disciples of the flow,
we can float anywhere ♪