That '80s Show (2002) s01e07 Episode Script

1 [TIMPANI PLAYING.]
ohhh! That's me! Wow! Is this all for my birthday?! either that, or you have an obsessed fan.
[GASPS.]
Hi, Katie! Happy birthday! [GIGGLES.]
Really, Sophia, you know, these kinda bright, showy birthday parties only work on children.
Ooh, a Champagne Fountain! I wanted it to be special for you! Didn't I do a great job? It's terrific! [GIGGLES.]
Thank you, Sophia.
Hey! That's it? "Thank you"? no tears of joy, no lingering Hug? Look, it's early.
She'll come around.
Maybe she didn't notice the seafood buffet.
This constant rejection is really wearing on me.
I turned down work to plan this party.
What am I doing? My god! Did I just open up to you? Man, you  have hit rock bottom.
I have a good mind not to pop out of the cake.
Did you invite Tuesday? She's comin' to the party at the house after work.
At least she said she is.
I mean, I heard her say she was gonna come, so she's probably gonna-- I mean, she said she was gonna come, so s-she's probably gonna come.
SoCorey what'd you get me for my birthday? It's a surprise.
So, wow, you're 21! Look at us.
We're all grown up.
Yeah.
We sure are.
So, you think-- you think she'll come? [CHUCKLING.]
She'll come.
I'm gonna go dance.
I need your help.
My look isn't workin' tonight, man.
Gimme your car keys.
I gotta go change my jacket.
Justtake it off.
And wear half an outfit? Man, I'm all about the outfit.
People expect it from me.
Rogeronce you start movin', people aren't gonna care what you're wearin'.
hey.
Who's the mayor of funky town? I am.
Yeah.
Thanks, Corey.
What was I thinking? Katie! Havin' fun? Yeah! Good! I'm a little hurt! Why? I do all this and I get nothing! Oh, my god! Sophia! I forgive you! It's Owen! Love lift us up where we belong far from the world below where the clear winds blow happy birthday, Katie.
Oh, Owen.
Cancel the doves! [SOBS.]
I've missed you.
Me, too, Katie.
A couple of times it got so bad, I--I went into the torpedo room and kinda hugged a heat seeker.
That's sweet.
I wanted tonight to be so special.
It is.
Look how happy Katie is.
No, Corey.
I meant special for me.
I'm done! I'm dumping your sister and movin' on.
Yeah, y-you can't really dump someone unless you've actually gone out with them.
And I'm sure that's what you told yourself when I broke up with you.
Hey, Roger.
Hmm? What do you think of my new toy? Man! I can't wait to be rich enough to call expensive things "Toys.
" Ha ha! Yeah, it's a goal worth working for, all right.
Women love the expensive toys, Roger.
Damn, you could start a church.
Hey, Owen.
I have to use the bathroom.
I gotcha, Buddy.
Hurry up, sailor.
I had a couple of beers.
You filmin' this? I have no idea.
[DOORBELL CHIMES.]
Tuesday! Come on in.
Happy birthday.
Here.
I got this for you.
Oh! Jagermeister! So misunderstood.
It's really a digestive aid.
Hey, you made it.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I missed the party.
Oh, no, no.
This is the party.
It's just family and a few close friends.
Oh.
So this isn't one of those big blow-out kind of things where you can get lost in a dark corner or leave and no one knows the difference? You  are staying, right? Ok.
But I'm gonna need that back.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, I mean it.
How about I get you a glass? You ready to meet people? Uhhh! Sophia, this is tuesday.
[BELL DINGS.]
Oh, the pizza rolls are done.
Chit or chat.
Your choice.
So, you're the rebound girl.
Rebound from what? Me.
I'm the one who dumped him.
I like your look.
Thanks.
The whole  dynasty thing really works for you, too.
Oh, bitchy! You remind me of me when I was your age.
Hair spray? Egg whites and spit.
Attagirl! Man, this really hurts.
I hope it doesn't affect my dancing.
Gee, Roger, I think there's a lot more important things in the world than your dancing.
Take it back.
Take it back right now! Yo! I don't carry cash! UhRoger, this is tuesday.
Oh.
So  you're tuesday.
Hey! Motorhead.
  No sleep   till hammersmith.
Rock on.
Yeah, I like your outfit, too.
Can I get 2 bombpops and a nuttybuddy? [CHUCKLES.]
I get that a lot.
Here you go.
So, uh, you havin' a good time? Well, your father just filmed Katie's first bite of cake, so I don't know how much more excitement I can take.
I missed her first bite? [BITTERLY.]
Thanks a lot, Roger.
Sotuesday.
Uh, sit down.
I want to hear all about-- you said "Party.
" Thisis not a party.
This is a family gathering.
I may as well be here for thanksgiving.
If your sister weren't so damn nice, I would skin you and wear you like a hat.
Wow.
She's scary hot.
Yeah, I know.
Man, you are so lucky.
Well, it's not completely luck.
Oh, man.
When a woman is that wild, she's lookin' for one thing-- to be tamed.
Trust me.
I know what I'm doing.
[SNICKERS.]
I'm so sick of wasting top-shelf Roger on you.
You know what? Fine! You just sit here and figure it out on your own! If you see me gettin' smaller, it's 'cause Roger's leavin'.
I am outta here.
Doesn't really work as well when you can't actually get up and walk out, does it? Yeah.
No.
No.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Oh, my.
Thank you, Margaret, for bringing these over.
I completely spaced on Katie's gift.
You really saved my ass.
Yeah, yeah.
People always take advantage of you when you have a Van.
I gotta go deliver a Couch.
Put down that camera, Owen.
It's only a toy to me.
Oh, hey, Margaret.
How's it goin'? ahh, I can't complain.
How's business, rt? Outstanding.
So, you gonna stick around for our little party? Be nice to have a pretty lady to talk to.
[LAUGHS.]
[LONG SIGH.]
Ok.
Katie: And this is from Roger.
Whoo! Ohhh! Ha ha! It's a certificate for "4 full-body massages" whoo! "By Roger of San Diego.
" Did I write "Full-body"? I mean "Footbody.
" I'm not carrying you to the bathroom anymore.
I'm so glad Corey found someone like you.
His life is so routine.
He needs someone to shake it up.
I am only here for his sister's birthday.
That's good! Keep that up.
You'll have him in your hip pocket, and you can take him out whenever you want.
Hey, lady, you don't even know me.
Go sharpen your claws on Somebody else's post.
We have got to go shopping! Oh! Rubber bracelets! Thank you, tuesday.
I needed more.
Didn't have enough black ones.
[CHUCKLING.]
I love them.
You're gettin' all cozy with the in-laws, huh? Your blouse smells like mothballs.
It's not my blouse.
It's my party bra.
Ok, honey, open that last gift there.
It's from me.
And, uhwalk toward the camera.
I don't know how to zoom.
Oh! My name! And it stands up.
It's for your desk.
I'm offerin' you a job.
As soon as you graduate, I want you to be my director of marketing.
I don't think I'm ready to jump into the 9 to 5 thing.
All right, Well, then we'll make it 10 to 6.
Sorry, Dad.
Hey, rt, how about some footage of me with the 2 lovebirds? Ah.
Camera-shy, huh? [CHUCKLES.]
Ahh, she's a tough nut to crack.
Yeah.
Some women are.
Is it time for poker yet or what? Wait, wait, wait.
Owen, don't you have a present for me? Um well, uhit's kinda personal.
[LAUGHTER.]
Ohhh Oh, come on.
Owen.
I haven't wrapped it yet.
Aaah! Come on! Ha Ha ha! Owen! I don't care! Gimme, gimme, gimme! Corey, chuckling: Yeah.
[RELUCTANTLY.]
Ok [GIGGLING.]
Katie yes, Owen? [LAUGHTER.]
Katie, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
[GIGGLING.]
You're right.
We should do this later.
No, no.
No, I have momentum.
Uh, I want us to have a house on the base with furniture already in it.
Yeah.
I'd spend the day commanding people, and you'd do lady things.
And then we'd have supper, and I'd ask our 3 boys what they'd learned that day.
Then we'd watch family shows on tv and put the kids to bed.
Then I'd thank you for bein' the best wife in the whole wide world.
Twice, if the kids didn't wake up.
I love you, Katie.
Will you marry me? [CHUCKLES.]
[GIGGLES.]
It's a ring.
Boy, they've been up there for a while.
I wonder what's goin' on.
Say, you're about my daughter's age, and you look like you're confused and don't know where you're going.
Tell me.
What is she thinking right now? Dad, leave Tuesday alone.
I'm sorry.
This isn't exactly how I imagined your first night with My family would go.
You know something? I think you're confused about what tonight is.
No, I'm not.
Boy, you people Sure love your pastels, don't you? You know, Katie hates makin' people unhappy so much, she might say yes just to be nice.
Yeah.
I had that problem about 20 minutes ago.
Good-Bye.
Hey, hold on there, Margaret.
Aren't you gonna play a little poker with us? Yeah.
Nah.
The stakes aren't high enough.
If I can't see don Henley lose a jet, I don't get the adrenaline rush.
Later.
Man, that little lady has got it goin' on.
No, dad.
So a pair of queens bets.
I am not your girlfriend! Scary hot.
Scary hot.
[GIGGLES.]
Who needs a beer? Where'd  that come from? Why don't you tell  me? How did you turn this into a fight? Why did you invite me? Why did you come? God, you're irritating.
Oh, like I need you to approve of me.
Like I need anything from you.
Like I need anything from  you.
Oh, you bug the crap outta me.
Freak! Mainstream! Why did you do that?   You kissed  me.
Whatever.
Rt: Hey, son, how about that beer?! don'tmove.
Heads up.
I believe in crystal light 'cause I believe in me hey, hoo-ah, hoo-ah I believe in crystal light 'cause I believe in me Roger! It's your bet! Oh, yeah.
Uh, I'm in.
I'll raise you 20.
I'm in.
I'm in.
So.
What do you have? Nothing.
[GIGGLES.]
Why won't you guys fold? My poker face is perfect.
Because you sing the crystal light theme music when you're bluffing.
I do not.
I  do.
All right, let's take a little break.
I gotta go drain some lager.
Good evening, Mr.
Bond.
Hey, where's tuesday? She walked out.
What happened? We kissed.
In the kitchen? Did you do it on the table? No, no, no.
Counter.
Right? Height advantage.
No.
No, no.
We just kissed.
Why would a girl kiss you and then just take off? Oh, man, that happens to me all the time.
You see, women they, uh well, the thing about women is ok, we're talkin' about women, right? Yeah, yeah, women.
Are you ok? Owen's waiting for an answer.
Sophia all I wanted to do on my birthday was drink and dance.
That's all you should be doing.
Well, why do I have to face all these adult decisions tonight? Throw in stretch marks and an audit, and I might as well retire.
I know you think because I'm 24 I must have all the answers.
But I don't.
But the point is it's up to you to do what  you want to do.
I love Owen.
But I don't think I'm ready to be married.
Maybe I should go back to school.
There you go! That's a beginning.
Why should we let destiny control us when we should control our destiny? I saw that poster at the limited.
They have the most underrated tops.
By the way I really appreciated the club party and everything.
I didn't thank you enough.
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
You know, people think beautiful girls don't get hurt, but we do.
Owen: What are you guys doin'? talkin' about women.
You wanna know about women? Well, you're talkin' to a man who just proposed to one, and you know what? Women uhthey, uh Oh, uh,  she Hey, this cake is it's good cake.
It's good.
It's really sweet.
It's good.
Talkin' about women, huh? Well, I'm tapped out.
So, why don't we play for that job you offered Katie? Ooh.
I want in on  that action.
All right, big shots, you're on.
Whoever wins this hand gets the job.
[THINKING.]
Ok, bluff time.
Focus.
Don't sing.
You don't believe in crystal light, and it doesn't believe in you.
You can do this.
UhRoger? I'll see youand raise you 40.
I'm out.
I fold.
Really? I was bluffing.
I won! Ha ha! Well done, Roger.
Uh, Sophia, when can you start? [GIGGLES.]
Rt, I won.
Look, son, I said whoever won the hand would get the job because I assumed Sophia would win, soshe gets the job.
Well, what does what does Roger get? Oh, Roger gets something much better than a job.
Today Roger learned 2 valuable LESSONS: One, how to bluff, and 2 that life's unfair.
So? Owen I think we should wait.
I don't want to wait anymore.
I'm the only guy Not married I know, and I know lots of guys.
Owen, I'm only 21.
I love youbut I'm just not ready.
I'm not gonna pretend this doesn't hurt like a shovel to the face, but, uh I I understand.
Sort of.
I'm sorry.
I gotta be honest with you, Katie.
I may not ask you again.
Ok.
I guess I'll just have to take my chances.
Will you marry me? [GIGGLES.]
Oh, my god.
You kissed! What? How did you know that? I know everything.
Twice! [SIGHS.]
Why'd you take off? What do you want me to say? That I felt out of control and I don't know what I'm doing? Well, I'm not going to.
And stop looking at me! Well, does it help that I feel the same way? No.
I hate that.
Well, I'm sorry I don't have a map for your crazy emotional minefield.
You are such a pain in the ass.
New nose ring? Drop dead.
Thanks.
Well, look who's here.
Hi, Margaret.
So, can I help you find something? I think I already found it.
Whoa! Oh, that man has got it goin' on.