The Almighty Johnsons (2011) s01e07 Episode Script
Bad Things Happen
1 I'm Ullr.
So, Ullr is the god of paper, rock, scissors? Of all games, actually.
Nothing gods do turns out well for people around them.
I was 21.
I owned that pool table You built a leaky home.
It's not a leaky home.
I will fix it.
You will? But you're going to have to move out.
We can't afford to-- I know and I will take care of it.
How the hell can you afford that I'll shuffle things around.
What about Valerie? We won't tell her.
Why can't you just admit it for fuck sakes! This is way too hard for you! You want me to gamble, is that it? Take the easy way out? Why not? Please don't leave.
Don't go.
I love you being around.
You know, this job would be much more fun if I was getting paid for it.
The sooner it's done, the sooner your nightmare's over, isn't it? Sure, Mike.
Whatever you say, Mike.
It's not like I'd rather be doing anything else with my Saturday.
Oh yeah? And what would that be, Axl? Pussying it up with Anders? Well, we are on a sacred quest for the good of the family.
Bullshit.
You're getting your end away and you love it.
I'm getting my end away, yeah, but in search of the Frigg, Mike.
Is it my fault there's perks to this job? You're even starting to sound like Anders.
Hey, I didn't ask to be Odin.
Why is he taking away the jib he delivered yesterday? What? Shit.
Hey, wait up! What Fuck.
- Hey.
- Yeah.
Zeb, who is the man that just went into Gaia's room? That'll be Jacob.
Who's Jacob? Gaia's boyfriend.
Since when does Gaia have a boyfriend? Since recently.
What do you mean recently? They hooked up that night you went down the line for your auntie's funeral.
She met him at some jewellery exhibition.
Jewellery? He's a jeweller.
A jeweller? Why are you repeating everything I say? It's good she's finally found someone though, eh? 'Cause female flatmates are way easier to handle when they're getting boned.
You reckon they're actually-- Oh yeah, I've heard a lot of boning going on in that room.
I've never heard any.
'Cause you're always out, man giving the bone yourself.
Well, you rock in here way after everyone else has gone to bed and commence boning.
And while I'm in my room listening to everyone else boning.
The only person I get to bone is me.
Hi.
Hi.
Good day? The washing machine is making that scary noise again.
I thought it was fixed I'll take a look.
Or you could buy a new one like you promised weeks ago.
I said I'll take a look.
I'll take a look.
I just walked in the door, okay? Okay.
Okay.
I was just asking.
Hello.
Mike's actually in the shower.
Sorry? And you are? Judy.
How can I help you, Judy? Well, so Gaia's dad introduced you? Oh, I've just opened an exhibition at the community gallery in Hauraki.
He brought Gaia along to the opening.
Nice.
I think it's fair to say that me and Bryn, we never warmed to each other.
I wouldn't know anything about that.
I like him.
We get on.
That's awesome.
So, you and Gaia were out buying new sheets and stuff today? Yeah, well, she was buying.
I was just there to carry stuff.
Cool.
We should go.
We'll miss the ferry.
Right.
Off to see your dad, then? Yeah.
We're meeting him for breakfast in the morning.
Right.
I'll be at Jacob's tonight if anyone needs me.
Thanks for the beer.
No probs.
Be back Monday.
See ya.
Let's get pissed.
Okay.
If you insist.
There was a call for you on your mobile.
Okay.
It was Judy.
She wants you to call.
Okay.
She's a little pissed off about a late rent payment.
Seems she doesn't want to be evicted.
What's going on here, Mike? It's nothing you need to worry about.
Have you got some South African lovebird holed up in an apartment in town? No.
No way.
Then why are you paying rent on this woman's house? Judy is Pete's wife.
Zimbabwean people.
Pete, the moaning yuppie.
He's not a yuppie.
Well, you finished their place ages ago so-- No, I didn't because Dennis let me down on the roofing job he did for them.
Fat Dennis? Yeah.
Leaked like a bloody sieve.
Maybe because he's too fat to be on anyone's roof without putting bloody great big holes in it but what's that got to do with us? I stand by my build.
I've been fixing up for them.
It's a total refit so I had to put them up somewhere.
That's all.
So this is you doing the honourable thing and paying for everything, I presume.
My reputation is important to me, Valerie.
Even when, strictly speaking, it's Dennis' fault? Yeah, well, Dennis has shot through.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
So it's my responsibility.
I need to do this.
So, what's the problem with the rent? The cash flow is bit tight.
Well, how tight? It's a temporary thing.
Jesus Christ.
I just need to get the house finished.
And you were going to tell me all this when? I didn't want to worry you because we've got the IVF coming up And I suppose that money's gone too? No.
No way.
I have not touched that.
I would never do that.
Why not? Why bring a child into this world when we have no money! Valerie, come on.
Take the blame, pay the rent, do the right thing, be Mr.
Honourable! You always do this! Jesus, you frustrate the hell out of me sometimes! I will sort this.
How, Mike, how? You have no idea, do you? You drag us into this with absolutely no idea how you're going to sort it out! Jesus Christ, woman, give me a fucking break!! Do whatever you want, Mike.
It seems you do anyway.
So, his gun shot his chest But he'll try again for the lady in dress I've been waiting my whole life so Why won't you, why won't you Die, die, die Shit What's up, Ax? Beer's gone.
That's 'cause you drank it.
You had some too.
Like three.
Bloody Jacob.
He had one then you drank the rest.
I want to get wasted.
You've had many beers.
You must be feeling something.
Nothing.
It's very unlike you.
You're usually the first one asleep under the table.
You shut up.
That's you.
We need to find more piss.
An admirable plan.
Unless you're flush with cash, we have a problem because I'm skint.
Anders' place.
Think if he was here, he would have noticed by now.
Useless bastard.
Come on.
Let's go get pissed somewhere else.
Paying for it how? I've got like five bucks left after the taxi in.
That's going to get us a long way, isn't it? Yeah, I guess you're walking home then.
Dude, how did you do that? Maybe it was unlocked all along Not when I tried it.
Maybe you're a weak ass.
Maybe you just broke the door.
Maybe it was already half broken.
Do you want to get pissed or not? Behold the mother lode.
Is this cool? Sure.
Won't he be angry? If he is, he is.
We can take him.
He's a pussy.
Let's get wasted.
Why on earth not.
Hi.
Where are you? Out.
Yeah.
I got that.
Are you in a bar? Yeah.
Try not to spend too much money, eh? It's not as if we've got a lot to go around.
The bloody Irish, eh? Double or quits.
Ah, nah.
You're too good for me, mate.
Good Game Hey, how's it going? All right.
You want a game? What? Darts.
No.
Come on.
There's only one thing worse than drinking alone, that's drinking and playing darts on your own Don't make me a sad ass I'm Brian.
Mike.
Come on.
Quick game.
I don't think so.
501 50 in.
Winner takes ante.
20 in if it's too rich for you.
It's just darts, Mike.
It's not the end of the world.
Make it 100 in.
Good man.
That's three bull's-eyes to double out, isn't it? Good luck with that.
What the Three bulls, I believe.
How the hell did you do that? Just lucky, I guess.
That ain't luck.
That is bloody skill, mate.
I don't mind being fleeced by at alented bastard.
It's the tin-asses that piss me off.
It's all yours.
You play often? I try not to.
You want to give me a chance to win it back? Another time.
You have a good night.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I might just do that.
- Where to, mate? - Casino.
Thanks.
Shit.
Dude, check it out.
Look what I found.
Where did you find that stuff? In your brother's room.
He's a stone-cold freak.
You can't go looking around Anders' room.
I wasn't.
Found them by accident.
Where? Under his bed.
How are you accidentally looking under his bed? I don't know.
I just was.
He's got DVDs under there too.
So? Adult movies.
I don't care.
It's his private stuff.
Put it back.
We could watch a movie together.
No.
No way.
Come on, then.
Loosen up.
I can't.
I can't even get pissed so no way am I watching porn with you.
Come on, Axl.
You've been all weird and uptight all night when here we are in the mothership.
We have piss for Africa.
We have dope when we find out where he's hidden it.
We have freaky sex shit which I don't know-- we can do something with.
I mean, we're consenting adults, right? Zeb? Yeah, what? Turn around.
Hi.
The door was kind of open.
Yeah.
It's broken a bit.
Is Anders here? Not right now.
Do you know if he will be? No.
Sorry.
I'm his brother.
Axl.
Right.
So it's okay for us to be here.
This is Zeb.
Hi.
He's a bit special.
I'm Kylie.
Leah.
Sascha.
We're taking advantage of Anders hospitality.
Drink, ladies, while you wait? Yeah.
Sure.
Why not? Just help yourselves to anything you want.
Axl, can I have a quick word? Won't be a sec.
Which one do you want? What? Which one? And don't say all three 'cause that's not fair.
I don't want any of them.
You can have two.
Just leave me one.
I like Leah.
Or Sascha.
I don't care.
I'll take any one of them.
Zeb, they're friends of Anders.
They're not here for you or me.
But they could be if we play your cards right.
I really can't see that.
Might.
What makes your brother so special? He has a way with girls like this.
I could have that way too.
No, you couldn't so don't get your hopes up.
Look, they'll have one drink and if Anders doesn't show up by the end of it, they'll be on their way.
I guarantee it.
- Right.
Let's do it.
- Do it.
Catch up, boys.
These have some vodka.
Oh yeah, I'm going to drink enough to take down an elephant.
Place your bets.
Good evening, sir.
And hello.
Last call.
No more bets.
Blackjack.
Well done.
Lucky me, eh? Blackjack on 3,000.
Dealer pay 4 1/2.
Dealer has 8.
House pays 20 and above.
What do you know, eh? 3 or 14? Double down.
Ah, bring it on Two or Twelve? Split.
Blackjack.
Well done.
And blackjack.
Well done.
What are the chances, eh? Okay.
This is embarrassing.
House has ten.
Sixteen.
Too many.
House pays.
I was sure she had me.
- 12.
- I'll stand.
On 12? House has ten.
Twelve Too many.
House pays.
Would you believe me if I told you this was beginner's luck? Would you believe me if I said I'd never seen anything like this before? I just might.
So, what do you do when you're not magically appearing in my life? You mean like work or-- You're a model, aren't you? I work in H.
R.
That's amazing because I'm studying I.
T.
and you know what you get when you mix H.
R.
and I.
T, don't you? Nope.
Hirt.
(Hurt) H-I-R-T.
- Get it? - Right.
But hurt in a good way.
So, you're Anders' brother? Yeah.
How do you guys know him? Just from around.
Cool.
You're much taller than him.
Just about everyone is.
Hey, you want another drink? Sure.
Why not? It's not like it's having any effect so far so I might as well keep going.
Maybe you need something a little stronger.
Maybe.
It depends.
What are you talking about? Give me a minute.
Kylie has the best drugs.
Cool.
So, are you a lot like your brother? How do you mean? Do you know how to have a good time like him? Um, sometimes.
I thought so.
So do you think we can have a good time tonight? Yeah.
I think we can.
Come on.
Bring your friend.
Zeb.
Zeb.
You know, we could have done this out there.
It's not like there's anyone else here.
Yeah, I know.
There's something about drugs and bathrooms.
It's sexy, you know? Fuck, yeah.
Plus if you need to have a pee, you can.
Zeb, not now.
I wasn't.
I was just saying.
So, who's first? That's me.
Do you know if Anders is going to be home tonight? Hard to say with him.
Yeah, true.
I hope so 'cause I'm in the mood for a good party and Anders sure knows how to party.
Yes, he does.
Oh, yes.
Awesome.
You girls not having any? Ah, trust me.
We had more than enough before we came out.
Put us in the mood for hours.
Twenty-one Seventeen.
Hit me.
Twenty.
Nineteen.
Yeah, I think I'll stay.
House has an ace.
Eighteen.
House pays 19 and above.
Could you come with me, sir? Uh, why? We're asking you to leave the table now.
What have I done? Come with me, please.
How? How was I cheating? That's what I want to know.
Sorry.
You know, I can't help you.
I just got lucky, that's all.
Crazy, dumb luck.
There's no law against luck, is there? That is not luck.
What I saw out there, that's not luck.
You defied the odds to a level I've never seen before.
How'd you do it? I didn't do anything.
I just played the cards that I was dealt.
You will leave - now.
You never return to these premises.
If you do, you'll be trespassed off.
You understand? What about what I won? You'll be cashed out.
That's all I ask.
Has the second line kicked in? No, nothing.
You must have the constitution of a rhino.
Not usually.
Usually, I'm the cheapest drunk in the room.
well, second cheapest after him.
The one night I need to get completely shit-faced.
Why? Why what? Why the need? Uh, I just do.
What the fuck is going on here? Anders! Hello, Anders.
Hello.
Who broke my door? You're paying for a new one.
Sorry.
Forget about the door.
Yeah, pay some attention to us.
I know you.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah.
K Kylie.
Kylie.
That's right.
And, uh Chelsea.
Leah.
Are you sure? Do I look like a fucking Chelsea to you? No, but Chelsea looks a lot like you.
And you, I definitely remember you.
You wrote some very rude things on my car.
Hey, that's all in the past.
Tonight's tonight and we're here to make things right.
What things? Well, we can talk about that over a drink and a couple of lines You want a line, Anders? You know me.
Yeah, I sure do.
Step this way.
And why don't you get him a drink? I'm still angry with you about my door I think you and I just became surplus to requirements, my friend.
And I don't really want to be around to see Anders in action so I vote we split.
Zeb.
Zeb? What is this stuff? What stuff? The stuff you just put up your nose.
It's like ketamine.
What is ketamine? Horse tranquilizer.
Hey, that's right.
You work at a vet's.
Why the fuck are we putting horse tranquilizer up our noses? 'Cause it's fun.
I said it's like ketamine, except this is much, much stronger When you say "much stronger" Nighty-night, Anders.
So I guess the real question is why the fuck aren't you unconscious? Hey, asshole.
Thanks for that.
Thanks for what? I just lost my job because of you.
Management don't take too kindly to croupiers and clients pulling cons.
But that's not what happened.
No, that's not what happened.
But that is sure as hell what it looked like so I got fired.
This is bullshit.
I'll go back in there and explain.
Oh, get real.
They saw what they saw.
That is not what went on.
I don't know what went on.
All I know is what you did in there was the freakiest shit I've ever seen.
And then I copped it.
So thanks again.
Thanks a bunch.
Wait.
Hey, wait a second.
I am really, really sorry.
Not half as sorry as me, pal.
Here, um let me make it up to you.
For Christ sakes.
Are you totally retarded? There are security cameras around here, dipshit.
They see you paying me off and not only will I lose my job, I'll get prosecuted as well.
I'll pass on that.
Shit, sorry.
What can I do? Nothing.
I just want to get something to eat.
I didn't quite make my dinner break tonight, for some reason.
Then let me buy you dinner.
You just ruined my night and possibly my life.
Why the fuck would I want to have dinner with you? Please.
Will you tell me how you did it? I'll do my best to explain.
Look, I know Anders can be a real asshole at times but-- Hey, that's not nice.
Whatever he did to you and whatever you're planning, whatever you want to do to him, it isn't going to make things better, is it? Who said we're only going to do it to him? You're his brother, aren't you? From the same family.
Did someone send you here to do this? No.
We met on Facebook.
Why? No reason.
Okay, Anders, if you could speak now, that would be good.
What? Speak in your defence.
Speak with your voice, Anders.
Speak, Anders.
Ladies Ladies I know that I'm not perfect.
That compared to you three, yeah, three, I'm nothing.
And all I ask is have a little Thank god he shut up.
I so hate the sound of his voice.
He's good to go.
Just leave him alone.
He's just a dick, you know.
He's pretty harmless, really.
Unless you make the mistake of falling in love with him.
Then you learn the really hard way you're just another piece of meat to Anders, another screw to add to his list.
Do you believe in God? Um I'm not sure.
Are you Christian? Do you have faith? I don't know.
Me neither.
I used to.
I was saving myself for marriage because that's what I thought God wanted me to do.
And then I met Anders and it's like everything I ever believed in just went away.
And the next morning, he kicked me out on a promise of a call that just never came.
At least I had three whole days with Anders.
Hardly left his bed the whole time.
Pity one of those days was my wedding day.
He picked me up on hen's night.
He knew I was the bride.
And to this day, I have no idea why I left that bar with him.
I only know it fucked up the rest of my life.
I think in the bedroom would be appropriate.
- Don't you, girls? - Yep What are you going to do to him?! So how much did you win? I lost count around 50.
Just under 90,000.
And they let you keep it.
Amazing.
There was no proof I was cheating.
It didn't stop them firing my ass, did it? Look, I'm happy to give you as much-- How did you do it, Mike, the scam? There's no scam.
But there is something.
You won't believe me.
Stop stalling.
You owe me the truth.
It's kind of a gift I have.
Oh, please.
It's true.
When I play games I can't help but win.
And that's it? It is that simple.
And this gift, have you always had it? Not always.
A few years now.
And is there an explanation as to how or why you have this gift? Not one that would make any sense to you.
Well, that sure sounds like one sweet gift.
It isn't.
Oh, come on.
You must be set up for life.
You must be a multimillionaire, right? Try builder.
Builder? Okay.
I don't exploit this gift.
Why the hell not? I would.
Because when I do, bad things happen.
Like what? It was undeniably my fault.
Once? And tonight.
I couldn't stop winning, you got the flick.
So trust me, bad shit happens.
Well, maybe it wasn't so bad.
You lost your job.
Which could be read as a sign.
Of what? That it's time to stop pissing around and finally go to Varsity.
The job was crap, actually.
Okay, what would you study? Law.
Okay.
Then let me pay your fees.
Would you get over it? I seriously don't want your money.
Okay.
But what I would like is to test this gift of yours.
Show me how it works and all's forgiven.
I can't go back to the casino.
Who said anything about any casino? Enough? No, actually, because there is one more test, one no one, and I mean no one, can pass.
Which one? That one.
Unfucking believable.
- No going back.
- No going back.
What are you going to do to him? I have no idea why you're still awake but silence is definitely your best plan of action, unless you want to be next.
Please don't hurt him.
Don't worry.
He'll be fine.
Just not the man he used to be.
What the fuck are you going to do to my brother? Well, first we're going to have some fun.
Then I'm going to glue his cock to his stomach.
Sascha's really good at arts and crafts.
Shouldn't take much glue.
Yeah, mainly so it's out of the way for the operation.
No, don't.
Oh, don't worry.
We're not going to cut his balls off.
We thought about it.
Yeah, too messy.
Too many ways it could go tragically wrong.
I mean, we don't want to kill him.
We thought about that too.
We just want make sure that there aren't any little Anders to abuse women in the future.
He's not some kind of dog you can spay.
Oh, I'm not the vet.
I'm just the receptionist.
But don't worry.
I've been studying online and it seems pretty straightforward.
Get away from my brother! How the hell did you get-- Get away from him! I get that you're pissed off.
Kind of hard not to.
And I get why you're pissed off.
This bastard-- And yeah, he probably does deserve it for some of the shit he does.
But not this way.
This is just wrong.
Yeah, he fucked up your lives at one time but do you really want to ruin the rest of it by going to prison? Anders won't tell the cops.
That would dent his pride too much.
But I might.
Oh, he'll really love you for that, especially when we take our stories public and wreck his business.
Okay, fair enough.
But I'm the one holding the knife now, okay? Anders will suffer for what he did to you.
I promise you that.
But you need to take you shit, leave here now and never come back.
Otherwise, you'll have me to answer to.
Go! You missed that on purpose.
You have the next shot.
Look at me.
I am a winner.
Now look, seriously, you can take as much-- No.
I'm happy with my $4.
I still don't really understand you That's probably not a bad thing.
See, I know that there's something you're not telling me.
There's nothing more I can tell you.
- It's time to go.
- It is.
Unless you want to come back to my place for a coffee.
Oh, no.
He hesitated.
I should get home.
Home.
Well that sounds distinctly cozy.
Oh, don't make this harder than it is.
You know? Right.
Well, Mike, the builder guy, it has been truly intriguing meeting you this evening.
Do you think we might do it again some time? I should be so lucky.
I think we both know that is irrelevant in your case.
For if you ever feel it's right.
Good luck.
Oh, but I had yours.
You have no idea how much you should be thanking me right now.
You need to stop this shit, Anders.
What shit is this? The shit that leads to three women turning up in the middle of the night wanting to snip your balls.
Oh, yeah, that.
Whatever.
No, not whatever! I had a girl pull a knife on me tonight all because of you.
So what I've decided is that from now on, there's no more sex for you, not until you learn how to treat women right.
What?! You heard.
Sorry.
You decided that I should stop having sex.
Yes.
Define not having sex.
You'll figure it out.
And this quest we're on, that's got to change, man, 'cause I don't want to turn into you.
So I'm not going to sleep with anyone until I'm sure she's the Frigg and I know that she wants to sleep with me.
A god's got to do what a god's got to do.
Are you deliberately not getting my message?! You may be Bragi, god of pickup lines, but I'm Odin and I fucking rule you.
So no more sex with mortals until I say so.
Got it?! That doesn't sound like very much fun.
Too bad.
Hey.
I called you hours ago.
I know.
I missed it.
Jesus, Mike.
I'm sorry, all right? And about before, I've sorted the money.
No That's not important right now I'm sorry about Rob but we were always going to lose him one day.
Shut up.
Come with me.
Good day, mate.
I go to sleep for 15 years and you marry my fiance.
What's that all about? Isn't that incredible? How the hell-- The nurses said that Rob started moving, like he was stretching.
You know, like you do when you're waking up? And they called in the doctors, who called me, and I tried calling you.
And then I got here and just as I walked in the door, Rob opened his eyes and he smiled.
A sight for sore eyes if ever there was one.
Are you at least going to shake my hand? I'm not contagious.
Welcome back, mate.
I'm a freaking miracle, apparently.
Yeah, you are.
I thought you couldn't get pissed.
Still got the hangover from Hell though.
Is that a god thing? Is that why the horse tranquilizer didn't work on you? The weirdest thing about that drug was how even though you're totally out of it, you can't move a muscle, your brain still sees everything going on around you.
That was inhuman.
Man, that was not humanly possible.
It was an adrenalin thing.
You know, like when people can lift up a car when they need to rescue someone.
Like how you broke Ander's door open when we got there.
Another thing about that drug is you also hear everything.
Are you deliberately not getting my message?! You may be Bragi, god of pickup lines, but I'm Odin and I fucking rule you.
Odin.
That's pretty heavy duty.
I knew there was a reason you could get chicks.
If I tell you, you cannot tell anyone else.
You have my word.
Hold on.
Take your time, bro.
I'll be right here.
So, Ullr is the god of paper, rock, scissors? Of all games, actually.
Nothing gods do turns out well for people around them.
I was 21.
I owned that pool table You built a leaky home.
It's not a leaky home.
I will fix it.
You will? But you're going to have to move out.
We can't afford to-- I know and I will take care of it.
How the hell can you afford that I'll shuffle things around.
What about Valerie? We won't tell her.
Why can't you just admit it for fuck sakes! This is way too hard for you! You want me to gamble, is that it? Take the easy way out? Why not? Please don't leave.
Don't go.
I love you being around.
You know, this job would be much more fun if I was getting paid for it.
The sooner it's done, the sooner your nightmare's over, isn't it? Sure, Mike.
Whatever you say, Mike.
It's not like I'd rather be doing anything else with my Saturday.
Oh yeah? And what would that be, Axl? Pussying it up with Anders? Well, we are on a sacred quest for the good of the family.
Bullshit.
You're getting your end away and you love it.
I'm getting my end away, yeah, but in search of the Frigg, Mike.
Is it my fault there's perks to this job? You're even starting to sound like Anders.
Hey, I didn't ask to be Odin.
Why is he taking away the jib he delivered yesterday? What? Shit.
Hey, wait up! What Fuck.
- Hey.
- Yeah.
Zeb, who is the man that just went into Gaia's room? That'll be Jacob.
Who's Jacob? Gaia's boyfriend.
Since when does Gaia have a boyfriend? Since recently.
What do you mean recently? They hooked up that night you went down the line for your auntie's funeral.
She met him at some jewellery exhibition.
Jewellery? He's a jeweller.
A jeweller? Why are you repeating everything I say? It's good she's finally found someone though, eh? 'Cause female flatmates are way easier to handle when they're getting boned.
You reckon they're actually-- Oh yeah, I've heard a lot of boning going on in that room.
I've never heard any.
'Cause you're always out, man giving the bone yourself.
Well, you rock in here way after everyone else has gone to bed and commence boning.
And while I'm in my room listening to everyone else boning.
The only person I get to bone is me.
Hi.
Hi.
Good day? The washing machine is making that scary noise again.
I thought it was fixed I'll take a look.
Or you could buy a new one like you promised weeks ago.
I said I'll take a look.
I'll take a look.
I just walked in the door, okay? Okay.
Okay.
I was just asking.
Hello.
Mike's actually in the shower.
Sorry? And you are? Judy.
How can I help you, Judy? Well, so Gaia's dad introduced you? Oh, I've just opened an exhibition at the community gallery in Hauraki.
He brought Gaia along to the opening.
Nice.
I think it's fair to say that me and Bryn, we never warmed to each other.
I wouldn't know anything about that.
I like him.
We get on.
That's awesome.
So, you and Gaia were out buying new sheets and stuff today? Yeah, well, she was buying.
I was just there to carry stuff.
Cool.
We should go.
We'll miss the ferry.
Right.
Off to see your dad, then? Yeah.
We're meeting him for breakfast in the morning.
Right.
I'll be at Jacob's tonight if anyone needs me.
Thanks for the beer.
No probs.
Be back Monday.
See ya.
Let's get pissed.
Okay.
If you insist.
There was a call for you on your mobile.
Okay.
It was Judy.
She wants you to call.
Okay.
She's a little pissed off about a late rent payment.
Seems she doesn't want to be evicted.
What's going on here, Mike? It's nothing you need to worry about.
Have you got some South African lovebird holed up in an apartment in town? No.
No way.
Then why are you paying rent on this woman's house? Judy is Pete's wife.
Zimbabwean people.
Pete, the moaning yuppie.
He's not a yuppie.
Well, you finished their place ages ago so-- No, I didn't because Dennis let me down on the roofing job he did for them.
Fat Dennis? Yeah.
Leaked like a bloody sieve.
Maybe because he's too fat to be on anyone's roof without putting bloody great big holes in it but what's that got to do with us? I stand by my build.
I've been fixing up for them.
It's a total refit so I had to put them up somewhere.
That's all.
So this is you doing the honourable thing and paying for everything, I presume.
My reputation is important to me, Valerie.
Even when, strictly speaking, it's Dennis' fault? Yeah, well, Dennis has shot through.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
So it's my responsibility.
I need to do this.
So, what's the problem with the rent? The cash flow is bit tight.
Well, how tight? It's a temporary thing.
Jesus Christ.
I just need to get the house finished.
And you were going to tell me all this when? I didn't want to worry you because we've got the IVF coming up And I suppose that money's gone too? No.
No way.
I have not touched that.
I would never do that.
Why not? Why bring a child into this world when we have no money! Valerie, come on.
Take the blame, pay the rent, do the right thing, be Mr.
Honourable! You always do this! Jesus, you frustrate the hell out of me sometimes! I will sort this.
How, Mike, how? You have no idea, do you? You drag us into this with absolutely no idea how you're going to sort it out! Jesus Christ, woman, give me a fucking break!! Do whatever you want, Mike.
It seems you do anyway.
So, his gun shot his chest But he'll try again for the lady in dress I've been waiting my whole life so Why won't you, why won't you Die, die, die Shit What's up, Ax? Beer's gone.
That's 'cause you drank it.
You had some too.
Like three.
Bloody Jacob.
He had one then you drank the rest.
I want to get wasted.
You've had many beers.
You must be feeling something.
Nothing.
It's very unlike you.
You're usually the first one asleep under the table.
You shut up.
That's you.
We need to find more piss.
An admirable plan.
Unless you're flush with cash, we have a problem because I'm skint.
Anders' place.
Think if he was here, he would have noticed by now.
Useless bastard.
Come on.
Let's go get pissed somewhere else.
Paying for it how? I've got like five bucks left after the taxi in.
That's going to get us a long way, isn't it? Yeah, I guess you're walking home then.
Dude, how did you do that? Maybe it was unlocked all along Not when I tried it.
Maybe you're a weak ass.
Maybe you just broke the door.
Maybe it was already half broken.
Do you want to get pissed or not? Behold the mother lode.
Is this cool? Sure.
Won't he be angry? If he is, he is.
We can take him.
He's a pussy.
Let's get wasted.
Why on earth not.
Hi.
Where are you? Out.
Yeah.
I got that.
Are you in a bar? Yeah.
Try not to spend too much money, eh? It's not as if we've got a lot to go around.
The bloody Irish, eh? Double or quits.
Ah, nah.
You're too good for me, mate.
Good Game Hey, how's it going? All right.
You want a game? What? Darts.
No.
Come on.
There's only one thing worse than drinking alone, that's drinking and playing darts on your own Don't make me a sad ass I'm Brian.
Mike.
Come on.
Quick game.
I don't think so.
501 50 in.
Winner takes ante.
20 in if it's too rich for you.
It's just darts, Mike.
It's not the end of the world.
Make it 100 in.
Good man.
That's three bull's-eyes to double out, isn't it? Good luck with that.
What the Three bulls, I believe.
How the hell did you do that? Just lucky, I guess.
That ain't luck.
That is bloody skill, mate.
I don't mind being fleeced by at alented bastard.
It's the tin-asses that piss me off.
It's all yours.
You play often? I try not to.
You want to give me a chance to win it back? Another time.
You have a good night.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I might just do that.
- Where to, mate? - Casino.
Thanks.
Shit.
Dude, check it out.
Look what I found.
Where did you find that stuff? In your brother's room.
He's a stone-cold freak.
You can't go looking around Anders' room.
I wasn't.
Found them by accident.
Where? Under his bed.
How are you accidentally looking under his bed? I don't know.
I just was.
He's got DVDs under there too.
So? Adult movies.
I don't care.
It's his private stuff.
Put it back.
We could watch a movie together.
No.
No way.
Come on, then.
Loosen up.
I can't.
I can't even get pissed so no way am I watching porn with you.
Come on, Axl.
You've been all weird and uptight all night when here we are in the mothership.
We have piss for Africa.
We have dope when we find out where he's hidden it.
We have freaky sex shit which I don't know-- we can do something with.
I mean, we're consenting adults, right? Zeb? Yeah, what? Turn around.
Hi.
The door was kind of open.
Yeah.
It's broken a bit.
Is Anders here? Not right now.
Do you know if he will be? No.
Sorry.
I'm his brother.
Axl.
Right.
So it's okay for us to be here.
This is Zeb.
Hi.
He's a bit special.
I'm Kylie.
Leah.
Sascha.
We're taking advantage of Anders hospitality.
Drink, ladies, while you wait? Yeah.
Sure.
Why not? Just help yourselves to anything you want.
Axl, can I have a quick word? Won't be a sec.
Which one do you want? What? Which one? And don't say all three 'cause that's not fair.
I don't want any of them.
You can have two.
Just leave me one.
I like Leah.
Or Sascha.
I don't care.
I'll take any one of them.
Zeb, they're friends of Anders.
They're not here for you or me.
But they could be if we play your cards right.
I really can't see that.
Might.
What makes your brother so special? He has a way with girls like this.
I could have that way too.
No, you couldn't so don't get your hopes up.
Look, they'll have one drink and if Anders doesn't show up by the end of it, they'll be on their way.
I guarantee it.
- Right.
Let's do it.
- Do it.
Catch up, boys.
These have some vodka.
Oh yeah, I'm going to drink enough to take down an elephant.
Place your bets.
Good evening, sir.
And hello.
Last call.
No more bets.
Blackjack.
Well done.
Lucky me, eh? Blackjack on 3,000.
Dealer pay 4 1/2.
Dealer has 8.
House pays 20 and above.
What do you know, eh? 3 or 14? Double down.
Ah, bring it on Two or Twelve? Split.
Blackjack.
Well done.
And blackjack.
Well done.
What are the chances, eh? Okay.
This is embarrassing.
House has ten.
Sixteen.
Too many.
House pays.
I was sure she had me.
- 12.
- I'll stand.
On 12? House has ten.
Twelve Too many.
House pays.
Would you believe me if I told you this was beginner's luck? Would you believe me if I said I'd never seen anything like this before? I just might.
So, what do you do when you're not magically appearing in my life? You mean like work or-- You're a model, aren't you? I work in H.
R.
That's amazing because I'm studying I.
T.
and you know what you get when you mix H.
R.
and I.
T, don't you? Nope.
Hirt.
(Hurt) H-I-R-T.
- Get it? - Right.
But hurt in a good way.
So, you're Anders' brother? Yeah.
How do you guys know him? Just from around.
Cool.
You're much taller than him.
Just about everyone is.
Hey, you want another drink? Sure.
Why not? It's not like it's having any effect so far so I might as well keep going.
Maybe you need something a little stronger.
Maybe.
It depends.
What are you talking about? Give me a minute.
Kylie has the best drugs.
Cool.
So, are you a lot like your brother? How do you mean? Do you know how to have a good time like him? Um, sometimes.
I thought so.
So do you think we can have a good time tonight? Yeah.
I think we can.
Come on.
Bring your friend.
Zeb.
Zeb.
You know, we could have done this out there.
It's not like there's anyone else here.
Yeah, I know.
There's something about drugs and bathrooms.
It's sexy, you know? Fuck, yeah.
Plus if you need to have a pee, you can.
Zeb, not now.
I wasn't.
I was just saying.
So, who's first? That's me.
Do you know if Anders is going to be home tonight? Hard to say with him.
Yeah, true.
I hope so 'cause I'm in the mood for a good party and Anders sure knows how to party.
Yes, he does.
Oh, yes.
Awesome.
You girls not having any? Ah, trust me.
We had more than enough before we came out.
Put us in the mood for hours.
Twenty-one Seventeen.
Hit me.
Twenty.
Nineteen.
Yeah, I think I'll stay.
House has an ace.
Eighteen.
House pays 19 and above.
Could you come with me, sir? Uh, why? We're asking you to leave the table now.
What have I done? Come with me, please.
How? How was I cheating? That's what I want to know.
Sorry.
You know, I can't help you.
I just got lucky, that's all.
Crazy, dumb luck.
There's no law against luck, is there? That is not luck.
What I saw out there, that's not luck.
You defied the odds to a level I've never seen before.
How'd you do it? I didn't do anything.
I just played the cards that I was dealt.
You will leave - now.
You never return to these premises.
If you do, you'll be trespassed off.
You understand? What about what I won? You'll be cashed out.
That's all I ask.
Has the second line kicked in? No, nothing.
You must have the constitution of a rhino.
Not usually.
Usually, I'm the cheapest drunk in the room.
well, second cheapest after him.
The one night I need to get completely shit-faced.
Why? Why what? Why the need? Uh, I just do.
What the fuck is going on here? Anders! Hello, Anders.
Hello.
Who broke my door? You're paying for a new one.
Sorry.
Forget about the door.
Yeah, pay some attention to us.
I know you.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah.
K Kylie.
Kylie.
That's right.
And, uh Chelsea.
Leah.
Are you sure? Do I look like a fucking Chelsea to you? No, but Chelsea looks a lot like you.
And you, I definitely remember you.
You wrote some very rude things on my car.
Hey, that's all in the past.
Tonight's tonight and we're here to make things right.
What things? Well, we can talk about that over a drink and a couple of lines You want a line, Anders? You know me.
Yeah, I sure do.
Step this way.
And why don't you get him a drink? I'm still angry with you about my door I think you and I just became surplus to requirements, my friend.
And I don't really want to be around to see Anders in action so I vote we split.
Zeb.
Zeb? What is this stuff? What stuff? The stuff you just put up your nose.
It's like ketamine.
What is ketamine? Horse tranquilizer.
Hey, that's right.
You work at a vet's.
Why the fuck are we putting horse tranquilizer up our noses? 'Cause it's fun.
I said it's like ketamine, except this is much, much stronger When you say "much stronger" Nighty-night, Anders.
So I guess the real question is why the fuck aren't you unconscious? Hey, asshole.
Thanks for that.
Thanks for what? I just lost my job because of you.
Management don't take too kindly to croupiers and clients pulling cons.
But that's not what happened.
No, that's not what happened.
But that is sure as hell what it looked like so I got fired.
This is bullshit.
I'll go back in there and explain.
Oh, get real.
They saw what they saw.
That is not what went on.
I don't know what went on.
All I know is what you did in there was the freakiest shit I've ever seen.
And then I copped it.
So thanks again.
Thanks a bunch.
Wait.
Hey, wait a second.
I am really, really sorry.
Not half as sorry as me, pal.
Here, um let me make it up to you.
For Christ sakes.
Are you totally retarded? There are security cameras around here, dipshit.
They see you paying me off and not only will I lose my job, I'll get prosecuted as well.
I'll pass on that.
Shit, sorry.
What can I do? Nothing.
I just want to get something to eat.
I didn't quite make my dinner break tonight, for some reason.
Then let me buy you dinner.
You just ruined my night and possibly my life.
Why the fuck would I want to have dinner with you? Please.
Will you tell me how you did it? I'll do my best to explain.
Look, I know Anders can be a real asshole at times but-- Hey, that's not nice.
Whatever he did to you and whatever you're planning, whatever you want to do to him, it isn't going to make things better, is it? Who said we're only going to do it to him? You're his brother, aren't you? From the same family.
Did someone send you here to do this? No.
We met on Facebook.
Why? No reason.
Okay, Anders, if you could speak now, that would be good.
What? Speak in your defence.
Speak with your voice, Anders.
Speak, Anders.
Ladies Ladies I know that I'm not perfect.
That compared to you three, yeah, three, I'm nothing.
And all I ask is have a little Thank god he shut up.
I so hate the sound of his voice.
He's good to go.
Just leave him alone.
He's just a dick, you know.
He's pretty harmless, really.
Unless you make the mistake of falling in love with him.
Then you learn the really hard way you're just another piece of meat to Anders, another screw to add to his list.
Do you believe in God? Um I'm not sure.
Are you Christian? Do you have faith? I don't know.
Me neither.
I used to.
I was saving myself for marriage because that's what I thought God wanted me to do.
And then I met Anders and it's like everything I ever believed in just went away.
And the next morning, he kicked me out on a promise of a call that just never came.
At least I had three whole days with Anders.
Hardly left his bed the whole time.
Pity one of those days was my wedding day.
He picked me up on hen's night.
He knew I was the bride.
And to this day, I have no idea why I left that bar with him.
I only know it fucked up the rest of my life.
I think in the bedroom would be appropriate.
- Don't you, girls? - Yep What are you going to do to him?! So how much did you win? I lost count around 50.
Just under 90,000.
And they let you keep it.
Amazing.
There was no proof I was cheating.
It didn't stop them firing my ass, did it? Look, I'm happy to give you as much-- How did you do it, Mike, the scam? There's no scam.
But there is something.
You won't believe me.
Stop stalling.
You owe me the truth.
It's kind of a gift I have.
Oh, please.
It's true.
When I play games I can't help but win.
And that's it? It is that simple.
And this gift, have you always had it? Not always.
A few years now.
And is there an explanation as to how or why you have this gift? Not one that would make any sense to you.
Well, that sure sounds like one sweet gift.
It isn't.
Oh, come on.
You must be set up for life.
You must be a multimillionaire, right? Try builder.
Builder? Okay.
I don't exploit this gift.
Why the hell not? I would.
Because when I do, bad things happen.
Like what? It was undeniably my fault.
Once? And tonight.
I couldn't stop winning, you got the flick.
So trust me, bad shit happens.
Well, maybe it wasn't so bad.
You lost your job.
Which could be read as a sign.
Of what? That it's time to stop pissing around and finally go to Varsity.
The job was crap, actually.
Okay, what would you study? Law.
Okay.
Then let me pay your fees.
Would you get over it? I seriously don't want your money.
Okay.
But what I would like is to test this gift of yours.
Show me how it works and all's forgiven.
I can't go back to the casino.
Who said anything about any casino? Enough? No, actually, because there is one more test, one no one, and I mean no one, can pass.
Which one? That one.
Unfucking believable.
- No going back.
- No going back.
What are you going to do to him? I have no idea why you're still awake but silence is definitely your best plan of action, unless you want to be next.
Please don't hurt him.
Don't worry.
He'll be fine.
Just not the man he used to be.
What the fuck are you going to do to my brother? Well, first we're going to have some fun.
Then I'm going to glue his cock to his stomach.
Sascha's really good at arts and crafts.
Shouldn't take much glue.
Yeah, mainly so it's out of the way for the operation.
No, don't.
Oh, don't worry.
We're not going to cut his balls off.
We thought about it.
Yeah, too messy.
Too many ways it could go tragically wrong.
I mean, we don't want to kill him.
We thought about that too.
We just want make sure that there aren't any little Anders to abuse women in the future.
He's not some kind of dog you can spay.
Oh, I'm not the vet.
I'm just the receptionist.
But don't worry.
I've been studying online and it seems pretty straightforward.
Get away from my brother! How the hell did you get-- Get away from him! I get that you're pissed off.
Kind of hard not to.
And I get why you're pissed off.
This bastard-- And yeah, he probably does deserve it for some of the shit he does.
But not this way.
This is just wrong.
Yeah, he fucked up your lives at one time but do you really want to ruin the rest of it by going to prison? Anders won't tell the cops.
That would dent his pride too much.
But I might.
Oh, he'll really love you for that, especially when we take our stories public and wreck his business.
Okay, fair enough.
But I'm the one holding the knife now, okay? Anders will suffer for what he did to you.
I promise you that.
But you need to take you shit, leave here now and never come back.
Otherwise, you'll have me to answer to.
Go! You missed that on purpose.
You have the next shot.
Look at me.
I am a winner.
Now look, seriously, you can take as much-- No.
I'm happy with my $4.
I still don't really understand you That's probably not a bad thing.
See, I know that there's something you're not telling me.
There's nothing more I can tell you.
- It's time to go.
- It is.
Unless you want to come back to my place for a coffee.
Oh, no.
He hesitated.
I should get home.
Home.
Well that sounds distinctly cozy.
Oh, don't make this harder than it is.
You know? Right.
Well, Mike, the builder guy, it has been truly intriguing meeting you this evening.
Do you think we might do it again some time? I should be so lucky.
I think we both know that is irrelevant in your case.
For if you ever feel it's right.
Good luck.
Oh, but I had yours.
You have no idea how much you should be thanking me right now.
You need to stop this shit, Anders.
What shit is this? The shit that leads to three women turning up in the middle of the night wanting to snip your balls.
Oh, yeah, that.
Whatever.
No, not whatever! I had a girl pull a knife on me tonight all because of you.
So what I've decided is that from now on, there's no more sex for you, not until you learn how to treat women right.
What?! You heard.
Sorry.
You decided that I should stop having sex.
Yes.
Define not having sex.
You'll figure it out.
And this quest we're on, that's got to change, man, 'cause I don't want to turn into you.
So I'm not going to sleep with anyone until I'm sure she's the Frigg and I know that she wants to sleep with me.
A god's got to do what a god's got to do.
Are you deliberately not getting my message?! You may be Bragi, god of pickup lines, but I'm Odin and I fucking rule you.
So no more sex with mortals until I say so.
Got it?! That doesn't sound like very much fun.
Too bad.
Hey.
I called you hours ago.
I know.
I missed it.
Jesus, Mike.
I'm sorry, all right? And about before, I've sorted the money.
No That's not important right now I'm sorry about Rob but we were always going to lose him one day.
Shut up.
Come with me.
Good day, mate.
I go to sleep for 15 years and you marry my fiance.
What's that all about? Isn't that incredible? How the hell-- The nurses said that Rob started moving, like he was stretching.
You know, like you do when you're waking up? And they called in the doctors, who called me, and I tried calling you.
And then I got here and just as I walked in the door, Rob opened his eyes and he smiled.
A sight for sore eyes if ever there was one.
Are you at least going to shake my hand? I'm not contagious.
Welcome back, mate.
I'm a freaking miracle, apparently.
Yeah, you are.
I thought you couldn't get pissed.
Still got the hangover from Hell though.
Is that a god thing? Is that why the horse tranquilizer didn't work on you? The weirdest thing about that drug was how even though you're totally out of it, you can't move a muscle, your brain still sees everything going on around you.
That was inhuman.
Man, that was not humanly possible.
It was an adrenalin thing.
You know, like when people can lift up a car when they need to rescue someone.
Like how you broke Ander's door open when we got there.
Another thing about that drug is you also hear everything.
Are you deliberately not getting my message?! You may be Bragi, god of pickup lines, but I'm Odin and I fucking rule you.
Odin.
That's pretty heavy duty.
I knew there was a reason you could get chicks.
If I tell you, you cannot tell anyone else.
You have my word.
Hold on.
Take your time, bro.
I'll be right here.