The Dress Up Gang (2019) s01e07 Episode Script

There you are, sir.
I think you're gonna
- find it irresistible.
- All right.
Do you know where Christian
got these coconuts?
You get clean there.
Uh, hey everybody, listen up.
This park ranger has an
announcement he'd like to make.
Hey guys, a pack of coyotes
has taken over your courtyard.
Now, we believe
that someone may be
leaving food and water
out for them.
Now, they may seem cute,
but they are dangerous
so we're gonna advise
that you guys stay inside
until we get rid of them.
Enjoy your mojito party.
Sorry for the coyotes.
- They just look so hungry.
- Oh yeah, that's all right.
You know, if we're all
gonna be trapped inside
'cause we got
a pack of coyotes out there,
well, at least it's
during a mojito party.
It's actually kinda fun
being trapped
inside the house together.
It's like a little snow day.
Cory.
There's a cockroach
in the bathroom.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
How big?
This big.
And fast.
- You saw it move.
- It ran from
behind the shampoo bottle
to behind the conditioner.
Like this.
- Fast as hell. Fast.
- And where's your shirt?
Crammed it under
the bathroom door.
I don't want that cockroach
to escape.
People are gonna start
needing to use that bathroom.
- What do you propose we do?
- Well, I just
crash on your couch.
It's not my house,
but if it was
- I'd kill it.
- Okay. Uh, you know what?
That won't be necessary.
We'll just have somebody
go in there
with a jar and capture it
and release it in the courtyard.
Why don't you look at that?
That's a picture of a cockroach.
Look how disgusting it is.
Those antennas, the little legs.
I wouldn't feel comfortable
asking anyone
to look at a live one up close
much less capture it in a jar.
Yeah, because then you gotta
flip the jar
and you gotta get
the paper under there.
Then you gotta flip it
at the same time.
It's not worth the risk.
Unless
you wanna do it.
Do you, Donny?
Uh.
No.
They're too gross.
Hey, what's going on
with the bathroom door?
Are people doing
cocaine in there?
There's no cocaine, Christian.
Go downstairs.
We'll be down in a minute.
Hey Cory, you think I could
borrow a shirt?
Getting kinda cold.
All right, everybody.
Listen up.
Donny's got something to say.
There's a cockroach
in the bathroom.
- Oh, my God.
- A cockroach.
- So now you know.
- How big is this thing?
- Ohh.
- Someone needs to just
go up there and stomp it.
You can't stomp it.
It's too fast.
And even if
you could catch it,
it's too big to stomp.
What do you know
about stomping a cockroach?
I stepped on a potato bug
once, Christian.
And I pray that you'll never
have to hear the sound
that it makes
underneath your shoe.
Well, I need to use
the restroom.
Go ahead, Christian.
No one's stopping you.
I'm pretty sure Christian's
bladder is not
the only one that's filling up.
So from now on,
we'll limit our liquid intake.
No more mojitos.
Fat chance.
They're irresistible.
Resist we must.
From now on, we do shots only.
- No mixers?
- And as for
killing the cockroach, well,
we'll be exploring
some different options.
Unless someone
wants to volunteer
to catch it in a jar.
- Is the hole necessary?
- We can't risk
opening the bathroom door
and having
the cockroach escape.
If I can get a good angle,
I'm gonna come right down
on top of it.
- Should be quick.
- Will the cockroach
feel any pain?
I mean, I assume so.
I have a visual.
Let's do it.
Ahh!
- Did I get it?
- Not even close.
Damn it.
I short-armed it.
Hey Kevin,
when you stepped on
that potato bug,
what type of shoes
were you wearing?
- Rachel.
- It's all right.
I was wearing Toms.
That's a thin soul.
- Did it work?
- Negative.
He ran into the bathtub.
Looks like he's stuck.
Surface is too slippery
for his little legs.
Let's drown him.
How are we gonna
turn on the water
without opening
the bathroom door?
We could fill up
some Ziploc bags
with water from the kitchen.
I know we have
about 100 in there.
That should be enough
to fill the tub.
What if the bags don't burst?
Knives.
We could just start
throwing knives
over into the tub.
What we need is something
long enough
to stick through
the hole in the door
and turn on
the faucet from here.
Maybe we could
break the legs off
some of the antique
chairs downstairs.
Pull it up, pull it up!
Oh, you got it.
The bathtub's filling up.
Oh, looks like
he's treading water.
Donny, go get
your toaster oven.
- Why?
- We're gonna toast his ass.
Fire in the hole! Ah!
Hold on, waiting for
the smoke to clear.
It jumped up on Donny's loofah.
What the hell's
taking so long?
I can't hold it any longer.
If you have any better ideas,
I'm all ears, man.
You don't think I have to go?
I got a little bladder!
I'm sorry.
It's my own damn fault.
I snuck a mojito
while no one was looking.
They're irresistible.
Wait. Irresistible.
We're gonna dose the cockroach
with a special concoction.
Christian's mojito
and a pharmaceutical-grade
sleep aid.
If the mojitos are as
irresistible to that cockroach
as they are to us, well,
he'll suck it right down
and fall asleep.
Yeah, yeah.
Cut the line, cut the line.
He's leaving the loofah
and heading towards the mojito.
Oh, man.
He's really taking it down.
He passed out.
Is he dead?
Well, there's no way
to be sure.
Not from out here.
Someone needs to go in there
and finish the job.
Someone who's been
down this road before.
All right, I'm past the sink.
Kev, it should be asleep
in front of the bathtub.
Can you get a visual?
I see the paper plate
- but negative on the cockroach.
- Okay, guys. You know what?
I think we should
get him out of there.
Hold on, it couldn't have
gone very far.
Kev, can you see it?
There it is.
I I found it
and he he ain't moving.
All right, Kev.
Stomp that sucker.
Wait a second.
Now he's by the plunger.
We're so close.
Let's just do this.
This doesn't make any sense.
Oh, my God.
There's more than one.
They're everywhere.
Guys! Ahh!
- Get him out of there.
- What if they're on him?
I don't care. Get him out.
If this spreads beyond
the bathroom, it's on you.
Ahh! Ahh!
Ah! Oh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Get 'em off me.
Get 'em off me!
- Oh!
- Mouth, mouth, mouth.
- Is he clear?
- He's clear.
You're lucky.
Oh, God.
Sport, there's one more thing
we'd like to try.
And what's that?
Burn the house down?
I'm gonna get a hose,
I'm gonna attach it
to the tailpipe
of my Mini Cooper.
Fox is gonna get the other end,
run it into the bathroom.
We're gonna gas him out.
The carbon monoxide
should kill him off.
God damn it.
You know, I felt bad
about killing one.
Now you're asking me
to massacre a whole family?
Kevin's gotta
go to the bathroom.
So does Rachel.
It's not gonna be long before
the three of us
have to as well.
How you gonna get past
the coyotes, Frank?
They're gonna bite you
right on that ass.
Now, now, hold up.
You know I stole
23 bases my senior year
in high school.
All right? I got
a little speed on me.
I think I got a shot.
Go get some ribeyes
out of the fridge, Frank.
It'll help distract the coyotes.
Seems to be their favorite cut.
Oh. All right, Donny.
I'm all set, man.
Just give me the word.
Start the engine, Frank.
Help us, Donny.
Donny, come into the bathroom.
Oh, no, oh, fuck.
Hurley?
Who?
You're Hurley
from the show "Lost."
Oh, no.
I'm the cockroach.
I knew if I came to you
in my insect form,
you'd be disgusted.
So instead I took the form
of someone that you'd recognize
and hopefully trust.
Where are the others?
Hiding under the sink,
out of view.
Thought it was best
if I spoke to you alone.
We don't mean you any harm.
We came up looking for water
through the pipes,
ended up in your bathtub.
I'm sorry we tried
to murder you.
I don't know why
we think you're so gross.
It's okay.
You can't help it.
But when you think about it,
we're really
no different than a cricket.
Well, you're definitely
not as gross
as a potato bug.
Have you seen those lately? Oy.
Ohh. Those guys
are fuckin' gross.
- Yeah.
- Anywho, I came
to propose a truce.
I mean, we could
go back down the drain
but some of us are too weak
to make the journey.
Don, if you just put
a jar in the bathroom,
every last one of us
will crawl inside.
You take that jar outside,
and we'll leave
and never come back.
You have my word.
Deal.
Okay. Cockroach salute
to you.
Now go, before the
carbon monoxide kills us all.
Oh, shit. Okay.
Frank?
- Yeah.
- Frank, kill the engine.
Hey, Kev, get up. Fox.
Get up.
They're gone.
Donny, we're inside now.
You can take
your sunglasses off.
No, that's okay.
I kinda like wearing them.
Well, Donny, they make you
look pretentious.
And that makes me think
that you think
you're better than me
and it hurts my feelings.
Now, take 'em off.
Donny, look at me.
Jesus Christ, sport.
Who gave you that shiner?
Nobody.
- I just fell down.
- Nonsense.
Now, if you're being bullied,
I need to know about it.
Now, who did this to you?
No one. Got it?
Now, I wanna help you.
I really do.
But I can't unless you tell me
who's doing this to you.
Promise you won't tell nobody?
I won't tell a soul.
It was you.
Me?
- Yeah.
- Well, I don't remember
- socking you in the face.
- I think it's 'cause
you're blackout drunk
when you do it.
I see.
And how long's this
been going on?
Ever since you been
crashing on the couch.
Well, then I'd say
it's been going on long enough.
I don't know about you,
but I think we oughta
put an end to this.
Donny, you need to learn
how to defend yourself from me.
All right, pal,
first thing to do
is learn how to
throw a punch, all right?
Give me a right cross.
This hand, right here.
Let's go.
If you can't hit me now,
how are you gonna
hit me when I'm drunk?
Come on. Right here.
Don't slap it,
punch it. Come on.
Put your hand up, like this.
There you go.
Like that. See that?
- Ahh.
- There we go.
Now get mine.
There you go.
Now, defend yourself.
Put your arms like this,
protect your face.
Ready? Look over here.
Put your hands down.
- Ah!
- Surprise.
Okay? Don't put
your hands down.
Now, I heard
protein builds muscle.
Mmm.
I want you to eat
that whole thing.
Okay.
Why would anyone
wanna be a bully?
I don't think anybody
wants to be a bully.
Sometimes people just have
emotional trauma
from their childhood
they've left unresolved.
Like maybe a cat that died
or a dad that left.
And when those issues come up,
well, people wind up taking
them out violently
on the people around them.
Right, right, left, duck, right.
One more, right there.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
It's Jeremy. The guys are
coming to town this weekend
for his bachelor party.
Oh, that sounds fun.
You guys gonna go golf
or hike or something?
No.
You're not gonna drink
alcohol, are you?
We're gonna
get blackout drunk.
Dustin bought cocaine.
I'm gonna be more aggressive
than I thought.
Nothing you won't be ready for.
Hey, pal.
I'm gonna hit the road.
Hey, Cor
have you ever been scared?
Have I ever been scared?
Well, of course I have.
Once.
When I was just a boy,
my father took me to the Forum
to see the Lakers play
the dreaded Celtics.
Oh, we were so afraid
they were gonna lose.
But we walked in and oh,
the place was electric.
And they were playing great
that day.
Magic was just whipping
the ball up the court,
Worthy was hitting his shot
and Kareem with the sky hook
Oh, God.
My dad went to get us
a hot dog and never came back.
Never saw him again.
Ah, but then Magic fouled out.
Tight game, two minutes to go,
there we were, down by one
and I thought, oh,
we had no chance.
But Kareem rallied the boys
and Worthy went out there
and hit that game-winning shot.
Oh!
Place went wild.
Look, the point is,
you're gonna be fine.
Just remember your training.
Now let me see that right hook
one more time.
Pow.
There it is.
All right, pal.
Hey, Cory.
Do you remember how
you used to call me champ?
Yeah.
Can you do that again?
I hope so.
Yeah, me too.
- Fu
- Oops.
Hey, pal, I'm home.
Hey, sport?
Come on, pal.
Let's see your moves.
I'm gonna find you.
Where are you?
You in the kitchen?
Donny?
My dad went to get us a hot
dog, never came back.
Never saw him again.
Like, maybe a cat that died
or a dad that left.
Dad?
Is that really you?
Yeah. It's me, your dad.
But you left.
Well, I'm back.
And I have something for you.
Come on, take it.
Atta boy.
It's a little dry, Dad.
That's okay.
Look.
There's ketchup, mustard.
There's even relish.
Aw, Dad.
I missed you.
And I missed you, too.
And you missed one hell
of a game.
Hey, don't beat up on
your roommate anymore, okay?
He's a good dude.
Okay.
My boy.