The Flintstones (1960) s01e07 Episode Script

There's got to be some reason you're so nice to me.
Fred, I didn't buy a thing.
Now sit down and eat your dinner while I give the baby his bottle.
Okay, but I don't understand it.
Baby? What baby? We don't have a baby.
Isn't he cute, Fred? Wilma, how close-mouthed can you be? Why didn't you tell me this morning? I would've stayed home from work.
I didn't know this morning.
He's only been here 10 minutes.
Ten minutes? I hope you don't mind baby-sitting with him while I play bridge tonight.
Tonight? You think you ought to? So soon? Come on, Fred, step on it.
I don't want to be late for work again.
Keep your fur shirt on, Barney.
I can't go any faster.
Not with all these signals.
No, not another one.
I'll get fired for sure.
Don't worry, pal.
I'll take the freeway and duck all the lights.
But, Fred, there's too much traffic on a freeway.
Not now, Barney.
The peak hour is past.
Hold on, pal, here we go.
Now, Fred.
No, hold it.
Not yet.
Now.
No, wait.
- Now.
No, hold it.
- Quiet! I'm doing the driving, and here's our chance.
Made it.
Now watch us make time.
Where are you, Barney? Right here.
Where else, the way you drive? "We'll take the freeway and duck all the lights.
" You and your brilliant ideas.
Hey, Fred here comes one of those little foreign jobs with the engine in the back.
How do you like that? We sit here while he goes through.
Come on, you guys, keep moving.
It's a living.
Here we are, Barney.
Pick you up tonight.
Right, Fred.
So long.
Good morning, Mr.
Rubble.
Kind of late, aren't you? And how.
Take me up fast, will you, Lester? Sure.
Hey, Bill, take us up to the fifth floor.
Right, Les.
Giddap, Matilda.
Good morning, Miss Pebble.
Good morning, Barney.
Mr.
Granite wants to see you.
Mr.
Granite? Yeah, he's been shouting for you all morning.
Oh, boy, this is it.
I've been late every day this week.
- You wish to see me, sir? - You bet I do.
Come in here and close that door, Rubble.
Rubble? Last week it was Barney.
Too late for the coffee break again this morning, Rubble? I can explain, sir.
I've been looking for you all morning.
Sit down.
Not on the floor, dumbbell.
In the chair.
Yes, sir.
Rubble, do you know what these are? Sure, Mr.
Granite.
Two tickets for tonight's fight.
Gosh, they're impossible to get.
How did you do it, Mr.
Granite? I'll tell you, Rubble.
I got them because I'm a big man in this town.
I fought, and I clawed my way up through the business jungle until today I'm on top of the heap.
King of the Jungle! And to you, Rubble, my loyal subject I give these fight tickets I fought so hard for.
- You're giving me the tickets? - That's right.
Gee, thanks, Mr.
King of the Jungle, sir.
But how come you're not going? My wife won't let me.
Oh, boy, here comes Fred.
Watch his eyes bug out when he sees these tickets.
Hiya, Barney.
Hop in, pal.
- What's new, Barney? - I've been waiting for you to ask me that.
This is new.
Two tickets to tonight's fights.
Where did you get them, Barney? The King of the Jungle gave them to me.
- Your boss? - Yup, the queen wouldn't let him go.
His wife? That's a riot.
His wife wouldn't let him go.
That's rich, isn't it? Wilma, are you sure Fred won't mind baby-sitting tonight? Of course not, Edna.
When I tell him it's the last night of the bridge tournament and how badly we need you on the team, he'll be glad to sit with little Egbert.
Sure.
And my Barney will come over and keep Fred company.
That's right, Betty.
Tonight's their night to watch the fights on TV, anyway.
Wonderful! I'll put Egbert in your bedroom and see you in a couple of hours.
We'll pick you up, Edna.
I have the car tonight.
- Thanks a lot, girls.
So long.
- See you later.
- Are you sure Fred won't blow his top? - No.
But just the same, I'll fix a big dinner and get him in a good mood.
That's a good idea.
I'll do the same for Barney.
With full stomachs, those two are as calm as beached whales.
- See you after dinner, Barney-boy.
- Right, Fred.
We'll get an early start.
Wilma, I'm home.
Let's eat.
Frederick, darling! I'm so glad you're home, dearest.
Dinner is all ready.
My great big working man must be starved.
I'll set the table while you clean up.
And don't be long, honey, I've got your favorite dish tonight: Brontosaurus cutlets.
I'm in the right house, all right.
Hurry, dear.
Dinner is served.
Hold it.
All right.
Let me see it.
And how much was it? - See what, Fred? - The new fur dress you bought today.
- I didn't buy a new fur dress, Fred.
- All right, the new hat, then.
I didn't buy a hat, either.
There's got to be some reason you're so nice to me.
Fred, I didn't buy a thing.
Now sit down and eat your dinner while I give the baby his bottle.
Okay, but I don't understand it.
Baby? What baby? We don't have a baby.
Isn't he cute, Fred? Wilma, how close-mouthed can you be? Why didn't you tell me this morning? I would've stayed home from work.
I didn't know this morning.
He's only been here 10 minutes.
Ten minutes? I hope you don't mind baby-sitting with him while I play bridge tonight.
Tonight? You think you ought to? So soon? We're having the playoff at the bridge club and Edna Boulder's regular baby-sitter couldn't make it.
So I told Edna you wouldn't mind sitting with her little Egbert.
Fred, you're turning red as a lobster.
Now don't blow your top.
It's my top and I'll blow it if I want to.
Do you feel better now, Fred? Listen, Wilma, I got a big fat scoop for you.
Barney and I are going to the fights tonight.
We are not sitting for any little egghead.
- Egbert, dear.
- Okay, Egbert.
We are going to the fights.
F-l-T-E-S, fights.
And that's final.
Now you listen to me, Fred.
You and Barney are normally the most considerate men I know.
But you knew Betty and I were going to play bridge tonight.
And you said Barney and you were going to watch the fights on TV.
So I thought surely you would be kind and thoughtful enough to help us out when our bridge team is in a jam.
But you just forget it.
Don't worry about us, dear.
We girls will stay home and lose the tournament.
Okay, Wilma.
I'll stay home.
Thanks, Fred.
I don't know how I'll explain it to Barney, though.
He'll think I lost my mind.
Come in.
Hello, Fred.
Turn on the TV.
We don't want to miss the fights.
- You, too, Barney? - Me, too, Fred.
- What happened? - The whole bit.
You know, the big hello, the big dinner then the big news about baby-sitting.
I blew my top we yakked it up, I felt like a heel.
- And here I am.
- Women.
- You can't beat them.
- And you can't join them.
We're leaving now, boys.
Are you comfortable? Have you got enough sandwiches? - So long, Fred.
- So long, Barney.
And don't forget to look in on the baby.
You know, this ain't so bad, Fred.
We're comfortable, no crowds, no parking problems.
- This ain't bad at all.
- Yeah.
I guess you're right, Barney.
Hey, turn on the TV.
It's time for the big fight.
There we are, pal.
Hello there, sports fans.
Tonight's the big fight night, right? As you know, this bout is blacked out for a radius of 25 miles in this area.
Sorry.
However, we will keep you informed with round-by-round reports.
Meanwhile, for your entertainment we have Alice Blue Jean and her magic banjo.
Miss Blue Jean.
- Oh, no, you don't.
- Fred, wait.
You'll wake the baby.
That's for Alice Blue Jean and her magic banjo! - I'll stop that.
- Easy, Fred.
He's only a baby.
Quiet! Gee, Fred, you sure can handle kids.
Nothing to it if you know child psychology.
Hey, the fight.
- What about it, Fred? - We got tickets.
We could go see it.
What about Egbert? We can't leave him alone.
We'll take him with us.
With a name like that, he's gonna have to learn how to fight.
That's funny, Fred.
- Except for one thing.
- What's that, pal? - I tore up the tickets.
- You tore up the tickets? That's right, Fred.
And I threw the pieces away.
He tore up the tickets.
Of all the dumb things to do.
The tickets are gone.
He tore them up.
Barney, how could you? I hate to see a grown man cry.
Quiet! Barney, I just thought of something.
Joe Rockhead lives outside the blacked-out area.
We'll watch the fight on his TV.
That's a great idea, Fred.
- But aren't you forgetting Egbert? - We'll take the kid with us.
What's the difference if we baby-sit here or at Joe Rockhead's house? - What's wrong with little Egbert? - Search me.
- Why don't you try singing to him? - Singing? Okay.
Rock-a-bye baby In the treetop When the wind blows The cradle will rock When the bough breaks Quiet! That's better.
Come on, Joe, open up.
It's Fred and Barney.
Guess he ain't home, Fred.
Hey, it's Joe's pooch.
Relax, boy, we're just gonna watch TV.
Well, there's only one thing to do.
- You gonna break the door down? - Right.
Come on in, Barney.
Let's watch the fight.
I got to put egghead, Egbert, to bed first.
Boy, I hope the fight's not over yet.
Ladies and gentlemen! How about that? It's just starting.
Introducing, in this corner at 235 pounds the challenger, Rocky Gibraltar! Attaboy, Rock.
And in this corner, wearing spotted trunks the champion, at 242 pounds Blarney Stone.
It's gonna be a good one.
Hurry up, Barney.
Coming, Fred.
Now you stay here while Uncle Barney watches the fights.
Rocky jabs with a left, the champ dances away.
And there is the bell.
What a fight.
- Barney, how's the baby? - Sleeping like a baby.
What else? - Sleeping like a baby? - That's right.
What do you think just went by, a street car? Can't you do anything right? Put the baby to bed quick.
The next round's coming up.
Right, Fred.
Here, Egbert! Company, halt.
About face.
Forward march.
How about that, Fred? I guess Uncle Barney knows how to handle kids, too.
Hut, two, three, four.
On the double.
Hut, two, three four.
Company, halt.
Now, this time stay in bed like a good little egghead, okay? That's a good little pooch.
Keep an eye on Eggy.
Rocky jabs with a left, the champ dances away.
And there's the bell.
What a fight.
Barney, come on.
You're missing all the action.
I'll be right there, Fred.
Go to sleep now, Egbert.
Uncle Barney will be in the next room.
I got the baby in bed.
- What round is it? - Third round coming up, hurry.
Rocky comes out fast and jabs lightly.
The champ dances away.
Both boys are looking for an opening.
And now Rocky comes back strong.
And they're slugging it out, toe to toe.
- Come on, champ! Use the right! - Let him have it, Rocky.
They're coming out for the ninth round now.
So far the fight seems to be pretty even.
Egbert, what are you doing out of bed? Hey, the baby jumped out of the window.
After him, Fred.
He's going around the front.
I'll head him off.
The champ is down.
He's down.
And the crowd is going wild.
- Come on, Fred.
- I'm coming, Barney.
Here's the count.
One two three four five six seven Boy! What an office party! I sure told the boss what I thought of him.
And that homely-looking secretary.
She kept getting prettier and prettier.
"I like you, Joe Rockhead," she says to me.
"You remind me of my mother.
Father.
" My front door is busted down.
It must be burglars.
I'll catch them red-handed.
Okay, you guys, I got you surrounded.
There you are.
Stop squirming, or I'll You're a baby.
I've heard of juvenile delinquency but this is ridiculous.
Come back here, egghead.
His name is Egbert.
Whatever it is, he's the fastest kid in town.
There he goes, Barney.
He's under that rock.
- Go get him.
He likes you.
- Okay, Fred.
Egbert, it's me, Uncle Barney.
Come on out, Eggy.
Come to your Uncle Barney.
That's it, Egbert.
Hold my hand.
What's the matter with you, Barney? Come on.
Get that kid.
He bit my finger.
So how hard can a kid bite? Get out of my way.
I'll get him myself.
All right, egghead.
Come on out.
I got you, you little rascal.
Now, let's get this straight.
Your name is Rockhead.
You got home from an office party, your door was busted in and you captured this baby bandit in the house.
That's right, Sergeant.
They're starting pretty young these days.
Of course.
Infant delinquents.
Lock him up! I'll figure a charge when I find out who this baby belongs to.
If there's one thing I dread, it's the office party season.
I'm getting pooped.
Look, Fred.
He climbed up the tree like it was nothing.
It must be at least 100 feet high.
Good.
We got him trapped.
A little higher, Fred.
I can't reach that first branch.
- Upsy-daisy.
- Daisy? It's a pretty fat daisy, isn't it? Got it, Fred.
Now hold on, Egbert.
I'll be right up.
Attaboy, Barney.
We're doing fine.
We're getting closer.
We're almost to the top.
Now grab him.
We got him! Now what? We had him in our hands.
He bit our finger again.
I've been watching you two.
Now what do you think you're doing? Nothing, Officer.
Nothing at all.
Except our baby is stuck up in that tree.
Maybe you better come downtown with me.
I A baby in a tree? I better call the fire department.
- I got him, Chief.
- Good.
Bring him down.
Boy, this kid's got sharp teeth.
Who does this baby belong to? Me, sir.
It's little Egbert.
Here, Poppa.
I'm so grateful to Fred and Barney for baby-sitting with my little Egbert.
Think nothing of it, Edna.
They were only too happy to do it.
Girls, here's another news flash about that baby up in a tree.
Friends, that baby in a tree item reported earlier proved to be a hoax.
The baby turned out to be a little brontosaurus dressed up as a child.
A practical joke.
Some joke.
They ought to arrest whoever thought that one up.
And here's a picture of the practical jokers as they were being booked by the police.
Barney and Fred? If they're in jail, where's my baby? Talking about babies, we have one that is lost.
If you know this little fellow please contact the police at once.
It's my Egbert.
Okay, lady, take your baby home.
But keep an eye on him.
We're not too sure he didn't try to rob a house.
Sergeant, could we see those two terrible men who put the brontosaurus in the tree? I don't know why, but go ahead.
Thank you, Sergeant.
Hiya, Betty.
All right, let's hear it.
It better be good, Barney.
It all started when the TV was blacked out And I tore up the tickets and the baby jumped out of the window and Skip it.
We'll see you in 30 days.
It'll take longer than that to explain the whole story.
What are you guys doing in jail? - Hey, that's Joe Rockhead.
- Hiya, Joe.
Wait till you guys hear what happened to me.
I came home from a party, see, and guess what? Your door was broken down.
Yeah, but you'll never guess what I found inside.
- A baby.
- Right.
But how did you guys know? It's going on all the time, Joe.
It's going on all the time.
Come on, Wilma, open this door!