The Franchise (2024) s01e07 Episode Script

1
- (BIRDS TWITTERING)
- (MUNCHING)
- ERIC: And action!
- (BLEATS)
Now make him step through
the portal, please.
- (TAMAZ SPEAKING ARMENIAN)
- ERIC: Come on.
- (MYSTICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
- ERIC: Through the portal.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
- ERIC: Cut, cut.
Cut the dumb fucking goat
heart out with a knife!
DANIEL: Okay, that's a cut, guys.
It's nothing personal,
Tamaz. Um, she'll be great.
- (GOAT BLEATING)
- Uh, the goat is bullshit.
And I say that as someone
who's worked with sheep.
Location brain. He just needs a rest.
DAG: He's had that
hat on for three days.
I heard a rumor that the
toggle got stuck on Wednesday
and now he's sleeping in it.
All right, Eric, it's just a
quick establisher, mate. Yeah?
It was supposed to be a funny bit.
The goat from before has
wandered through the portal.
It was unexpected, it was funny.
Fuck!
I think she's just a very
somber screen presence.
I mean, not to put all our
problems on the goat, but
Can you find me a goat that
does comedy please, Daniel?
I mean, I'm joking but I'm serious.
Dag, can you call the agency?
I need the Armenian Richard Pryor,
- but a goat. Yeah?
- (HICCUPS)
- No, not again.
- It's okay, Eric.
It's probably just a one-off.
It doesn't mean they're back.
(HICCUPS)
(UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUTTERING) Scheisse! Scheisse.
(GRUMBLES)
Motherfucking, cocksucking
hiccups! (HICCUPS)
God. Imagine if we all just
lost our minds out here.
ERIC: (SCREAMS) Fuck!
Oh, it's happening.
(MUSIC CONCLUDES)
BRYSON: What a bridge.
DAG: According to the local fixer,
who wouldn't shut the fuck up,
it is historically significant.
We blow up the bestest stuff.
Eric wants a practical
explosion in his movie,
and the Armenian people respect that.
Survived many centuries,
but it shall not survive our franchise.
Isn't that right, Mr. Explosives Man?
(IN ARMENIAN ACCENT) Trigger
plus bang equals boom.
Safety plus safety equals safety,
and everyone keeps their fingers.
(LAUGHS) Right?
- DAG: What did he say?
- No fucking clue.
They have so much of this
crap, they don't give a shit.
By the way, we're
hosting a local sick boy.
He gets his dream day
and we get a delicious bowl
of Armenian tax credits. Yum.
So, what's, uh what's up with Eric?
I hear he's got a hat stuck on his head?
Broken down by the
jackboot of the studio
stomping on his dream, I guess.
He's currently at the hotel.
He's having a hot bath.
Getting into the zone
to blow up that bridge.
- Are you swallowing gum, Pat?
- Yeah, I do this sometimes.
What happens when it comes out?
You just lay a big white egg?
It never comes out.
That's the best part.
Hey, you see this shit on Deadline now?
- Uh-uh. - Fucking
Scorsese's at it again.
(IN WHINY VOICE) "Oh, cinema's
dead. Franchise movies killed it."
(WHINES, SCOFFS)
(IN NORMAL VOICE) We ran the data
and we think he might be right.
What? Wait, new data?
Yeah, our tracking's in the toilet.
More multiplex closures incoming.
I had Shane on the phone freaking out,
asking me if he killed cinema.
Huh? Obviously, I had to say no, but
Oh, God.
Rome is getting toasty, Anita.
Action may have to be taken.
- ARTAK: Pat?
- Yeah.
You want to see a bone I found?
PAT: You found a bone? Fuck yeah, I do!
Oh, shit! We're in the bone zone, yo.
LANA: Okay, everyone, listen up.
This'll only take a couple of minutes.
Okay, there's one protected
species in the area.
The Armenian whiskered bat. Brown fur.
- Please do not approach it
- Mm-hm. Hmm.
LANA: but come and
speak to me immediately.
(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
Speaking of protected
species, you know Rufus?
Mama fucked a mollusk.
And we did not use condoms.
Oh my God, Steph.
I know, it's awful. It's awful. (LAUGHS)
I don't know why I'm laughing.
He's married. So am I. It's terrible.
I'm rooting for you guys. I am.
The acceptable face of infidelity.
Why didn't we use condoms? We had some.
They were right there. Big thick ones.
What if I'm pregnant?
- I really hope you are.
- (LAUGHS)
Come on, Dag. Come on now, Dag.
Okay, that's quite enough, young missy.
It's just It's a
harmless location-ship.
DAG: Mmm.
Cut to, me breastfeeding baby Rufus.
(LAUGHS)
Oh my God. I don't
know why I'm laughing.
This could destroy lives.
All right, thank you,
Lana. Let's get to work.
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
STEPH: Morning, big man.
RUFUS: Morning, Stephanie.
Uh, may I direct you to our director?
DANIEL: Great, the
cat in the hat is back.
I got excited 'cause I
thought it was a different hat,
but it's actually the same one.
Whew! God, so hot in here.
Let's all take our hats off. Yeah, guys?
(ERIC HICCUPS)
You feel better after your hot bath?
ERIC: Better.
And while I was in the tub,
I read an article on Deadline.
Marty thinks we killed cinema.
And that made me rethink everything.
Oh, goodie.
ERIC: I cannot be responsible
for the death of the
thing that I love the most.
And so, a new subversive ending.
I had Dave from VFX staying up all night
to do the pre-vis.
My friend.
Dave. Long time no see. How are ya?
Working 27-hour days for 17 weeks
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we
see the pre-vis, please?
Uh
Oh, sorry. That's a
- (KEYBOARD CLACKING)
- personal project. Um
ERIC: The new ending.
Same as before.
But then
What What are they doing?
ERIC: They're taking
off their superhero suits
and talking in their shirts, like men.
A frank exchange of views.
They're resolving their
differences and then
- (TECTO AND EYE LAUGHING)
- ERIC: they laugh.
But offbeat, because everything is mad.
The end.
I'm just doing what I'm told.
DANIEL: (INHALES) Yeah.
(WHISPERING) Let's just have a
little seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT)
As your good friend, and
and close collaborator
can I just ask firstly, is
your hat stuck on your head?
Absolutely not. One million percent no.
Categorically and undeniably, no. No.
And I will not blow up the bridge.
Eric.
We have to blow up the bridge.
We We just bought the permits,
and we've flown 300 people to Armenia.
(CLICKS TONGUE, SHUSHES)
Daniel.
We love movies, don't we?
And we must save them.
And this is how.
Are you in this with me?
Are we gonna turn this
whole thing inside out,
save pop culture, Jesus
of Düsseldorf? Yeah?
Oh, there it is. There's
that smile that I love.
Yeah. (INHALES) All right, just
- gimmie two secs.
- ERIC: Mm-hmm.
Yep, he's, uh, gone cuckoo.
Can confirm hat firmly stuck on head.
- Out.
- (DOOR UNLATCHES)
- Eric, see you in a minute.
- ERIC: Yep.
- (ERIC HICCUPS)
- DANIEL: Go. Go. Go, go, go.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(HICCUPS)
Right. Eric's gone stress mad.
Like, full location-weirdness
with a side order of hiccups,
and then like a like a perma-hat.
He's refusing to blow the bridge.
Ugh, no.
Eric cannot fuck around today.
Scorsese gave Shane a panic attack
and now Pat's losing his mind.
Demolition guy looks a bit like Pat.
Sorta Scooby-Doo, Scrappy-Doo.
Daniel, you have to get Eric back on set
and shooting right now.
Yeah, okay. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
(INTENSE PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
DAG: It's like Pat
got shrunk in the wash.
Travel-sized Pat.
Jaz. Jaz.
Roll on the empty set for 30 seconds
and then feed it into
Eric's trailer on a loop.
And then get the cast wired.
We're gonna line up to blow the bridge.
Without Eric.
Operation Truman Show.
DAG: Makes total sense.
If you've gone mad.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Dave, you continue
working on the animation.
I'm going to sketch these peanuts.
Great. Huge help. I appreciate that.
(MUSIC CONCLUDES)
DAG: Right. So we're fucking him?
No, Dag, we're protecting him, yeah?
Eric takes a vision nap
and we do the humdrum.
We're the details.
The nitty gritty itty
bitty titty committee.
- (CHUCKLES) Exactly.
- Right. But you get to do it?
You, Daniel, personally
take over the movie?
No! No, no, no. Obviously,
practically, yes,
but this
We're protecting Eric
and saving him from Pat.
Hey, no, look. I'm all for
it, but while we're all getting
our grubby little hands
down each other's pants
Which isn't what
That's not happening.
If you're acting director,
I guess that makes me acting first AD.
- Oh! Evil. Nice.
- DAG: Thank you.
Well played.
Don't let the power go to your head.
(CHUCKLES)
(OVER MICROPHONE) Earthlings,
this is God speaking.
(CHUCKLES) Only joking. It's Dag.
No, but things are gonna be
changing around here, okay, guys?
(IN ARMENIAN)
that's a big child.
Is that part of his condition?
- TRANSLATOR: He has long COVID.
- BRYSON: He has long everything.
Welcome, sir.
Would you like some Maximum
Studios coloring sheets?
(IN ARMENIAN)
I do have some pajamas,
but I I don't think
they're gonna fit him.
(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)
(SQUEALS, GIGGLES)
Needy woman alert. I'm
just coming in for a hug.
Hmm.
Yeah, only joking. I
am so fucking over it.
- (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS) Right, yeah.
Yeah. Obviously, I am in love with you.
But, yeah, it's just stress love.
I'm just in stress love with you, yeah.
(INHALES DEEPLY) I love you. (CHUCKLES)
Right.
I just thought, Steph, we were on the
on the same page. Hmm?
Ah, okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah.
No, cool. Yeah, no sweat mate.
- (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
- (CHUCKLES)
Yeah. You You're a fucking dead man,
'cause I've got a pair
of lobster crackers
and they are coming for your nuts.
Bloody hell.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- BRYSON: Oh, guys. Guys.
This is our local Dream-A-Dream man.
- Nice!
- BRYSON: For context,
the man has a non-terminal
autoimmune disease,
and his size is nothing to worry about.
Great. Hey, big fella, how are you?
Chenquieh.
Right?
- Should we, uh, sign his shirt?
- BRYSON: Yeah.
Yeah, sign it in Sharpie or something.
Lucky boy. Two for the price of one.
(ADAM LAUGHS)
Tell him he's a lucky boy. Tell him.
(IN ARMENIAN)
Mm. Slogo, DanTDM, MrBeast.
- Here.
Yeah. (CLEARS THROAT)
Peter, also, if you could
please present the man
with this award for being
the real hero of the day.
And a photo, please.
Whoop. Hey!
Oh, this is great. "Tecto" on three.
- One, two, three.
- Tecto!
- BRYSON: (CHUCKLING) Yeah.
- Nice!
Here you are. Thanks.
And maybe one with a big smile.
Yeah! Let's see those teeth.
DAG: (OVER MICROPHONE)
Okay, everyone, listen up!
I don't have anything to say
but I am still very much
enjoying using the god mic.
More to come. Will keep you posted.
Dan, now that I'm first AD,
I think I'm gonna go and
shout at the lighting guys
'cause they're fucking lazy cunts,
if that's cool?
Just make sure I've got their respect.
Eric's blocking doesn't really work.
Oh my God, you look so
much like a director.
You want a photo?
No, Dag.
- DAG: Don't look. Don't look.
- Okay, make it quick.
Yeah, yeah.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
- Dan?
- Yeah.
Uh, question from our demolition team
on the bridge.
Tick-tock on the bomb clock.
Countdown to the countdown.
Why is he talking in riddles?
Is he Is he from
a nursery rhyme or ?
- I got this, Dan. First AD shit.
- Okay.
But the rigging, you definitely
want to blow the bridge?
On my cue, yeah? Me. Don't look at him.
We're blowing the bridge.
- ARTAK: Okay, but you're not
- You're talking over me, Artak.
Let's not be a man who does that, yeah?
(OVER MICROPHONE) Okay, lighting,
you slack-jawed bunch of lazy fucks.
Hey, Dan, is Eric gonna come down
- for this one?
- Uh, he's he's watching
from his trailer, mate, so
ADAM: Dan, what's going on here, man?
Because Eric hasn't
been around much lately.
Is he withholding? Is
he playing mind games?
Absentee dad, he thinks
I'm gonna dance for him
for his approval?
'Cause honestly, I probably will. Yeah.
See, my dad, the last
time I heard from him
was when he, you know,
left a two-star review on Letterboxd.
He said I was unconvincing
as a son and as Buddy Holly.
- Man, that's brutal.
- ADAM: Yeah.
I mean, you could tell Eric, you know,
he was right about Flight Mode.
I broke it up and
smashed all my guitars.
Oh, mate, you didn't have to do that.
- He's watching. He's always watching.
- ADAM: It doesn't matter.
Actually, he he's just I've
- Yeah.
- Is that him?
- Yeah.
- ADAM: Is that him?
- Is it him?
- H He said he thinks you're amazing. Yeah. And
he loves you.
- Real Yeah?
- DANIEL: Yeah.
He said do it, but with energy.
With, like, you know, Adam energy.
- ADAM: Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah, biggest Adam energy. Yeah!
Just Oh, but also, um,
don't forget that Eye's the guy
who wants to destroy the planet, yeah?
- Do g crush it.
- Yeah.
- Got it.
- All right.
Oh my God, now you're
directing the actors.
Yeah, it's not black magic.
Faster, slower, happy, less happy.
The rest of it's just
bullshitting the fuckheads.
"Bullshitting the fuckheads."
Okay, David Fincher.
Oh, Peter, Eric wants
to adjust the blocking.
Oh, am I doing it wrong?
Maybe we should ask that massive child.
Didn't you hear? He's
the real hero of the day.
(CHUCKLES) Can I just show you
what I well, what Eric wants?
Yep.
Oi, fuck boy. You're on the wrong mark.
Lovely. Thank you, Steph.
Oh, it's a pleasure. Barnacle dick!
Yeah, it's gonna be great.
Just, uh, gotta tweak
the blocking, but
Ah, look at you.
Directing a 150-million-dollar movie,
not breaking a sweat.
Hey. H Whoa.
Look at that. Did it
again. I killed the mood.
You know, it's kind of my superpower.
I can walk into any creative situation,
kill the mood like that. (CHUCKLES)
The Mood Hoover.
Yeah, I'm deadening.
I have a naturally deadening
energy, I always have.
Ever since kindergarten.
Where's Eric? I need
some time alone with him.
Eric, uh, he, uh, is
locked away in his trailer.
He's, uh, recutting the
movie while directing it.
He's over absolutely everything.
Hey, why don't I set you
up in the producer's tent,
a little plate of smoky sausage,
hang out with the demo guy?
Yeah, he's me at 70 percent scale.
It's like playing with
my own action figure.
Do you, uh Talk me
through your director's shot.
(INHALES) Uh, well,
uh, it's a tracking shot behind Adam.
- PAT: Mm-hmm.
- Uh, which then goes wide.
You see the bridge full-frame, and boom.
We blow it up. I mean, Eric blows it up.
Hm, that's good. You give good Eric.
I like the way you say in words
instead of, you know, all
of this fucking shit. Right?
All right, you know what?
I have to call Shane.
Maybe I tell him we fire Eric.
You shoot it instead, huh?
- (CHUCKLES)
- (CHUCKLES) All right.
All right, you know
what? Forget about Eric.
I have to head to the airport.
You two break a bridge, huh?
Artak, me, you, WrestleMania?
I'm serious!
What was that?
Maybe Pat was flirting with you.
- (CHUCKLES)
- JAZ: Dan, big problem.
I found something and I wish I hadn't.
Whiskered bat, protected species.
Okay. Have you told anybody?
'Cause then the sustainability woman
will shut us down and you
won't get to direct the movie?
That's irrelevant, Dag. Yeah?
This is about doing the right thing.
DAG: It's twitching.
Okay, how about I just pick it up.
And then we'll see if
it's ready to fly, yeah?
Okay, come on then, buddy.
Ah, that's a shame.
It It just wasn't meant to be.
Holy shit, now we're drowning things.
DANIEL: Okay, Dag, she
would have shut us down.
Yeah? It would have killed the movie.
Maybe all movies, actually.
And as first AD, can I just
ask, does this feel right?
'Cause whatever happened to,
"Ours is not to reason why"?
'Kay, yes.
I get it. Okay? I do. I wanna direct.
I've got everything riding on this, Dag.
- Dan, the bat's caught on a branch.
- (BAT SCREECHING)
It's visible from the shoreline.
It seems like it's crying.
(BAT SQUEALS)
I guess this is what it
sounds like when bats cry.
Okay, let's just
just throw rocks at it.
- Obviously.
- (BAT SCREECHING)
Big ones. Big ones.
Yeah, Jaz, throw big
rocks at the drowning bat.
DANIEL: Okay, Dag, can you help, please?
I know it doesn't feel like
we're fighting the good fight,
but we are.
- (DANIEL GRUNTS)
- DAG: Forward cinema.
(BAT SCREECHING)
Yeah, this is fine. This is good.
Keep going.
We've gone full metal batshit.
(JAZ EXHALES SHARPLY)
- Ooh! Nicked a wing.
- (BAT SCREECHING)
Hey, Dan, can I get
two minutes now, please?
- Uh
- ANITA: Now, please. Let's go.
So, I've been I've been thinking.
I I don't know. May
Maybe Pat's into you,
and maybe this just works?
Like, what if we put Eric in a box
for the rest of the shooting,
and make this movie together?
You know, call the shots.
Uh, yeah, Anita, sorry
Maybe we're a power couple, Dan.
(CHUCKLES) I don't know.
Maybe I'm not thinking
a 100 percent clearly,
but, um, I don't know,
maybe we just say
fuck it.
I should go see a medic though. Um
Oh, this one?
You hurt your little hand,
big time director? (CHUCKLES)
- Okay. (SIGHS)
- (KISSES) Mm, is that better?
- (KISSES) Is that better?
- DANIEL: Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
- Is that better?
- (DANIEL BREATHING HEAVILY)
Uh, okay. No, 'cause
Oh. No, no, no. I'm just kidding.
Unless maybe I'm not.
(GROANS SOFTLY)
I just picked up a dead bat
with the hand that you
just put in your mouth.
What? (CHUCKLES)
You you put
fucking rabies in my mouth?
Mm, no, let's not jump to conclusions.
What the fuck, Dan?
Yeah, I I had my sleeve
ov over over my hand.
- The bat looked pretty clean.
- (YELLS)
I need a fucking rabies shot, Dan,
and a fucking tongue scraper!
- DANIEL: I'm sorry. Um
- (GAGS)
DANIEL: Wh I'll
I'll call the medic, yeah?
We'll get inoculated, and
then and then we can
just pick up where we left off. Yeah?
Oh, fuck you! Get out, Dan!
Get out, get out, get out!
Jaz.
Uh, Eric's leaving his trailer.
A walk, a long think and a walk.
No, he can't do that,
because he'll see the set.
- Okay.
- Go, he'll see the set.
We can't
- Get me some sanitizer!
- ANITA: Call the medic!
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
DANIEL: Hello?
How's that new ending?
Can I just say, the vibes
in here are palpable.
Yeah, palpable, palpable vibes.
We're going for a walk.
Dave needs some vitamin D.
There's only so many yogurt shots
I can give him, apparently.
- (RAIN POURING)
- Oh, hang on, though.
What's that?
Classic Armenian downpour.
Oh. Coats off.
I'm going to redefine the genre,
even if it kills us, right, Dave?
Yeah, sounds amazing. Good luck.
(GROANS)
Oh, man, I wouldn't go out in that.
No way! Not if my life
or career depended on it.
Hoods up.
Right, forecast is apocalyptic rain
for the next two hours.
And we line up for the bridge explosion.
DAG: Lighting are a bit
pissed off with me, but sure.
Nice. Uh, could we get
the big boy to smile?
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
- Nice, that was nearly better.
The boy is tired. He can sit?
Um, cast chairs?
Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Uh
You know he's the reason our
coffees were cold this afternoon?
- ADAM: Oh.
- PETER: Oh my God!
He's sitting in my fucking chair.
Oh my God, he is!
Ah, it's probably just,
like, the tired thing.
You know, his "condition" or something.
We're all tired, Adam.
We're in the makeup chair at 7:00.
Oh, that's it, mother.
In she goes.
Un-fucking-believable.
The death of the movie
star, Adam. I'm serious.
The moment that lady's
cheeks made contact
with the canvas, a way of life ended.
Hold on to your hats. It's
the Wild Fucking West now.
Hey, Dan! Eric watching?
Yeah, mate, he's he's
loving the Adam energy.
Okay, can you just show me
A and B positions, please?
- For Eric, so he can see them.
- Dan, they found two more bats.
Sustainability woman
is inspecting them now.
It could shut us down.
- DAG: Dan.
- LANA: (YELLING) Stop!
DANIEL: Oh, shit, she's coming over.
Okay, calmly but very
quickly line up to shoot.
Tell the demo guy on
Dag's cue, blow the bridge.
One shot at this.
This stunt already cost
me a rabies shot, Dan.
Make it worth it.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
LANA: (YELLING) Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
Okay, ready to trigger? Dag?
Dan, I have this.
Say, "Bye-bye, bridge."
DAG: (OVER MICROPHONE) And action!
(EPIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANS)
(SHOUTS) Eye!
- Please don't do this!
- PETER: Lava men! Attack!
(GRUNTS)
- God, you're hot! (GRUNTS)
- (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS) Eye!
Please! Wait! Wait!
Can we talk about this?
- Cue it on five
- Four.
- Three, two
- PETER: Eye for an eye,
- and now you die!
- one!
- (GRUNTS)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
(EXPLOSION)
(GRAVEL RUMBLING)
DAG: Oh fuck.
No. No, wrong one.
- Oh, no.
- N No.
Dan?
This one. Camera team, this one.
- ANITA: That one!
- Film this one!
This one!
Turn the fucking camera around! (GROANS)
(GRAVEL RUMBLING)
What have you done? What have I done?
What have you made me done?
Oh, shit.
They blew up the wrong bridge.
(ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)
Let's reset the bridge and go again.
ANITA: How?
Oh, fuck. No, the
the sustainability woman,
she was on the bridge.
- (GROANS)
- Holy shit.
We've blown up a sustainability woman.
(GAGS)
Oh (SOBS)
- (ANITA PANTING)
- We killed a woman.
Oh no. No, she's there.
(ALL SIGHING IN RELIEF)
- Hi!
- Hi!
- ANITA: You're alive! (GASPS)
- STEPH: Ah,
but she doesn't look very happy.
(BATS SQUEAKING)
Bats.
Loads of bats. They're thriving.
STEPH: I think maybe
they're disorientated
- by the explosions.
- Dan, should we ?
- Shit. Run. Run.
- We
- (DANIEL GRUNTING)
- (STEPH YELLING)
DAG: This is Dag. We're
being attacked by bats.
God, I think I just
destroyed a heritage site.
No one can know we did
this. Not Pat, not Shane.
If Marty Scorsese gets
fucking wind of this
Okay, look, as far as I can
tell, there was some confusion.
Oh, yeah, you think?
The explosives guy saw
our cameras were pointing
at the wrong bridge and he
tried to tell Dag, but
Okay, we're gonna pay everyone off.
We're gonna erase the DIT drives
and get the fuck out of here.
So long. Thanks for all the tax credits.
It was from the time of
Charlemagne. The bridge.
Okay, Dag, look, Anita's right. Yeah?
We're going to protect our
reputations at all costs.
It says it's on their money.
ANITA: Jesus.
DAG: Sorry. So sorry about the bridge.
It's actually on the
back of the yellow ones
if you ever wanted to see it again
or show your children.
(IN ARMENIAN)
Thanks, Tamaz.
Back-up drives from the DIT truck.
Erase them. Burn them.
Chuck them in the river.
- Okay.
- And make sure they sink.
- Eric!
- God, what a storm!
- The thunderclaps.
- Hammered it down, didn't it?
I mean, I couldn't
believe what I was seeing.
I had a sleep and an
idea. Maybe fuck Scorsese.
Maybe my old ending was great,
and we just blow the fucking bridge?
Yeah, we've run out of
time. Um, but how about this?
We blow up the bridge in
VFX. Dave, got a job for you!
- You are fucking joking.
- DANIEL: No, I'm not.
- BRYSON: Daniel?
- Yeah.
The man-boy filmed the bridge
explosion with his phone.
- (SIGHS)
- (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
TRANSLATOR: (IN ARMENIAN)
SIRANUSH:
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)
you could blow up anything,
what would it be?
United Nations building in New York.
INTERVIEWER: What's
it like working in VFX?
Uh, it's hell. Uh, cruel
and unforgiving grind.
I cried on my drive home last night,
and this morning, I
cried on my drive back in.
INTERVIEWER: Are you
very safety conscious?
Yes, safety's the name of the game.
Safety and extreme volatility
are the names of the game.
INTERVIEWER: What do
you like about your job?
I have a stress hump,
and there are holes in my
beard where the hair won't grow.
Uh, sorry, what was the question?
INTERVIEWER: How did you
get into the industry?
Well, my father is a very
famous explosion expert.
He blew many things,
including his marriage,
and eventually a caravan
that he was sleeping in.
INTERVIEWER: I'm so sorry to hear that.
It went really big.
The fire went for three days.
It was really, really, really bad.
INTERVIEWER: What drives you?
Uh, on several occasions,
an ambulance. (CHUCKLES)
Like, when I fell asleep on my radiator.
I woke up with griddle marks
across my face. Like bacon.
All the other VFX supervisors
called me Bacon Face.
Covered my desk with bacon.
It was bullying.
(MUSIC CONCLUDES)