The Garfield Show (2008) s01e07 Episode Script

1
-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]
[upbeat theme song playing]
-[Garfield] Hee-hee!
-[remote clicks]
Gee. I haven't seen Liz in days.
-[TV playing]
-Garfield, you don't look so good today.
[sighs] Here we go again.
Wouldn't it be easier
to just buy her dinner?
Can I help you hold your stethoscope?
Jon, there's nothing wrong with Garfield.
[Garfield] See? She knows.
Nothing except his weight, of course.
What do you know?
Which reminds me, I'd better see
how he's doing in that department.
[straining]
Two more pounds
and I'll need a forklift to do this.
Hey, sarcastic remarks are my job.
You're going to inaugurate my new
state-of-the-art animal scale, Garfield.
Jon, would you turn the dial
to "Portly Pussycat"?
"Portly Pussycat." Just as you asked.
[electronic voice] Owww! Get off me,
you overweight tub of pasta and goo!
Yikes! That thing talks!
And it screamed at me, and it's rude.
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
This is a talking scale.
Come back here, you bucket of lard!
I wasn't finished with you!
Oh, my.
Garfield's heavier than I thought.
It says he needs to lose two pounds
right away,
by the end of the week, if possible.
And if he doesn't?
Then we have no choice
but to send him to the cat spa.
The cat spa? That sounds great.
Massages, long naps, more massages,
more long naps
They'll put him on a strict low-fat diet.
long nap and then
Strict low-fat diet?
This low-fat diet, I can still eat lasagna
and pizza and pork fried rice
and bacon wrapped in bacon, right?
Here's a video of the place.
Welcome to Maggie's Cat Spa,
the world's leading health resort
for lazy, overweight cats with attitude!
When we brought Hector
to Maggie's Cat Spa,
he was eating 12 meals a day.
He got so fat that when he had to walk
from the living room to the kitchen,
he took a cab.
But thanks to Maggie's Cat Spa,
this is all behind us now.
Well, look at Hector now.
Doesn't he look
positively healthy and alert?
[feeble meow]
At Maggie's Cat Spa,
your beloved pet will be placed
on a strict regimen of exercise and diet.
Garfield can't go to that place.
Yeah! Listen to Jon.
He's right for a change.
Either he loses two pounds
by the end of the week
or it's the cat spa for him.
[both shriek]
Here. Take the scale home
so you can monitor his progress.
I'll do my best.
Do you think you can do it, Garfield?
-[Garfield crunching]
-Garfield! That's Liz's lunch!
Hey, watching all that exercise
made me [gulp] hungry.
[snickers]
[Jon] Dinner's ready, Garfield!
I want lasagna and ribs and Chinese food
and chocolate cream pie
and roast beef with a side of roast beef
and third helpings
of my second helpings and
Huh?
Hey, what's this?
Enjoy your lettuce leaf, Garfield.
Gee, I was expecting food.
I put him on that strict diet
you recommended, Liz.
These things aren't bad if you cover them
in whipped cream and chocolate sauce.
I'll call you back, Liz.
Let's see where we stand now.
Hey, you gained another pound.
Nice going, fatso.
A few more ounces
and you'll qualify for your own zip code.
See? Now you have to lose three pounds.
I'll worry about it in the morning.
I don't know what will get him
to take this seriously.
Jon won't send me to that fat cat place
And even if he did, it wouldn't be so bad.
[snoring]
Wouldn't be so bad
Wouldn't be so bad
[eerie soundtrack playing]
Let me out! Please! Let me out!
I don't belong here!
It's all a big mistake, I tell you!
I'm not overweight!
I just have a very thick thing of fur!
[cat] I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Nurse Psycho doesn't like it
when we scream in terror.
"Nurse Psycho"?
You don't want to know what she did to
the last fat, obese cat that complained!
What did she do?
Let's put it this way, it was me.
Help! Help! Jon!
Or better still, someone competent! Help!
Wait. I have to get a grip.
This Nurse Psycho
couldn't possibly be that bad.
-Where's the new fat cat?
-[thunder crashing]
Oh, yeah. She could possibly be that bad.
-There you are.
-No!
Have you been screaming in terror?
Wha? Who, me?
Oh, no. I was practicing my yodeling.
Here, listen.
Yodel-ay-ee-hoo ♪
We're going to get you into shape.
First, dinner.
Dinner is good.
I hope you like pea.
Peas? Sure. I like peas.
No. Pea. One pea.
Gee, that's a
That's a pretty small pea.
Would you please turn away?
I don't want to cry
when my fans are watching.
-Eat it!
-Could I eat half now
and then take the rest home
in a doggy bag?
Eat it! You'll start exercising
as soon as you finish.
As soon as I finish it?
Okay, well, here goes.
[straining]
Mmm.
[bam!]
[burps]
[sighs] My compliments to the chef.
Now it's time for your workout.
Wait! I need time to digest
that huge meal!
[thunder crashing]
[Nurse Psycho] Up! Down! Up! Down!
Up! Down! Up! Down!
Now repeat for the rest of all eternity!
No! I must have lost two pounds by now!
Sorry, pal! You're still fat!
No!
Faster! My grandmother
can run faster than that!
And I'll bet she makes
her grandmother do this, too.
[panting]
I must have lost the weight by now.
Didn't you hear me, jumbo?
You're still fat!
Faster!
-Oh, boy.
-Faster!
-[Garfield straining]
-Faster!
We don't like slackers around here!
What am I doing here?
Why are you doing this to me?
And why is everything in black and white?
I must have lost the weight by now.
Guess what, chubby?
That's right. You're fatter than ever!
Even your flab is fat!
You're so fat that when you
sit around the house,
you sit around the house.
Knock off the insults.
You're so fat that
when you step on a scale,
it says, "One at a time, please."
You're so fat that you need a watch
on each wrist, one for each time zone!
Don't be afraid, Garfield.
You're among friends.
In fact, all your friends are here.
I don't see any friends.
Here are your friends, Garfield,
Pizza! Ice cream! Pie! Cake!
Cheese! Roast beef!
And of course, Lasagna!
They're all your friends!
We're your friends, Garfield!
-Get away from me!
-Eat us, Garfield!
We're delicious! And fattening!
We're your friends, Garfield!
No, no! I have to lose weight!
We're delicious! And fattening!
[shrieking]
[shrieking stops]
[gasping]
I have to lose weight!
I don't know what to do, Liz.
I can't get him to exercise.
One, two, one, two, one, two.
One, two, one, two, one, two.
Jon? Jon, is something wrong?
I'll do some sit-ups
after I finish my aerobics.
I'll have to call you back, Liz.
I seem to be having hallucinations.
Garfield, I'm so impressed.
I'm sure you've lost at least two pounds.
He better not insult me.
You still need to lose two pounds.
-[Garfield shrieks]
-[scale laughing maniacally]
I can't understand it.
You must have lost weight. You must have!
Oh, I see what the problem is.
I was supposed to set it
for "Portly Pussycat,"
and by accident,
I set it for "Pintsized Parakeet!"
You're fine. In fact, you may not have had
to lose those 2 pounds in the first place.
But isn't it good you dropped
a few pounds, Garfield?
Garfield, why do you look so mad?
Garfield?
Leave me alone! Don't hurt me! Help!
Help!
I should go after him,
but I have some more
important things to do.
Let's see what you weigh, Jumbo!
[elephant trumpets]
[scale] What are you, an elephant?
You really need to lose weight.
[losing power] You need to lose
Yeah, I know it's cruel.
But there are some things in this world
you just can't forgive
and making me exercise is most of them.
Oh, dear!
-Up there, up there!
-What's going on?
[man] There's a guy up there!
On the girders!
[snoring]
Jon! Wake up, Jon!
Wake up before you take a wrong step and
wind up flatter than fast food pancakes.
-[controller beeping]
-[crowd shrieking]
-[board creaks]
-Oh, my!
Whew!
Oh, hi! You're probably wondering
how Jon got into this mess.
I can tell you,
but it'll have to be quick.
Now then
Jon was having trouble sleeping lately.
He's tried everything.
Uggh! Pwah!
Sleeping in all sorts
of different positions
He got a book called How to Sleep
"Try drinking a glass of warm milk
after a hot bath."
But that didn't work because
Jon was unable to drink the hot bath.
Then he decided to try counting sheep.
But we didn't have any sheep
so we had to improvise.
[Odie bleating]
One.
Two.
Three.
Oh.
That didn't work, either.
But it did tire out Odie.
[panting]
Finally, he decided to watch TV.
Are you wide awake all night?
Unable to sleep?
Are you so tired all day
that you doze off in your oatmeal?
All of those.
Then come see me, Dr. Somnambulo!
I can enable you to sleep all night
through the power of hypnosis!
I'm so desperate for a good night's sleep,
I'm even willing to try that.
Jon went there the next morning,
but he had second thoughts,
which is two more than Jon usually has.
I shouldn't have come here,
Dr. Somnambulo.
[clock ticking]
People with superior intelligence
can't be hypnotized.
You can't cause me to
-[snaps fingers]
-[Jon snoring]
[both] Huh?
When I press this buzzer, you will awaken.
Until I press it again,
you will think you are a chicken.
Bawk bawk bawk-awk!
Bawk bawk bawk-awk!
Better stop him before he lays an egg!
Right!
[buzzer sounds]
because I'm just
too smart to be hypnotized.
I think you will be a fine subject
for the Hypno-tron computer.
Hypno-what?
[Garfield] The Hypno-tron computer was
this thing Dr. Somnambulo had invented
to program people
with hypnotic suggestions.
I just enter the code
for the behavior pattern
I wish to implant in him,
and he will be properly programmed.
I didn't notice but I guess
while the doc was programming Jon,
Odie was distracted by a fly.
[fly buzzing]
[snarls]
Jon Arbuckle!
You will fall sound asleep
every time you hear this sound.
-[Odie barks]
-I figure that must be how it happened.
Jon accidentally got programmed
with the sound of Odie barking.
Only we didn't know it.
-I shall test it and put you to sleep.
-[buzzer sounds]
-[Odie barks]
-[Jon snoring]
And to wake him up,
you just buzz the buzzer again.
-[buzzer buzzes]
-[Odie barks]
I don't think this is going to work on me.
Here, kitty cat.
You put him to sleep with this
and then wake him up
when he is sufficiently rested.
-[Garfield] Got it.
-And keep a careful eye on him.
Once in a while, rarely
people under hypnosis have been known
to walk in their sleep.
[Garfield] And so we headed home.
Liz is coming over.
She's giving a speech next week
to the Veterinarians' Association.
-[snarling]
-[Odie barks]
-[Jon snoring]
-[Garfield] Huh?
-[horns honking]
-[Odie barks]
I promised to help with her speech.
[screaming]
[Odie yipping]
I should have been a little suspicious
that something was wrong,
but my mind was on other things.
Like lunch.
I just want you to listen to this speech.
Glad to be of help.
This would be a good time to eat.
Not that there's ever a bad time.
-Ahem! My fellow veterinarians,
-[Odie barks]
-it is an honor to appear before you
-[Jon snoring]
When I was asked to address you
Jon!
-[Odie barks]
-Jon, are you listening to me?
Hanging on every word, Liz.
All right.
When I was asked to address you
[Odie barks]
[Jon snoring]
If my speech is so boring
it puts you to sleep,
you can just take a nap, Jon Arbuckle!
Goodbye!
-[Odie barks]
-Liz? Liz?
I thought she wanted me
to hear her speech.
-Odie, did you see where Liz went?
-[Odie barks]
[snoring]
Jon dozed off three times during dinner
and six while playing videogames.
And he never even knew it.
Finally, it was time for bed.
You can try that buzzer thing,
Garfield, but it won't do any good.
I can't be hypnotized.
[buzzer sounds]
For a time, it looked like Jon was right.
-[buzzing]
-[Odie barks]
Quiet, Odie!
I'm trying to get Jon to fall asleep.
[Jon snoring]
It finally worked.
[snoring]
Shh! Don't wake him up.
We thought the problem was over,
but it was actually just beginning.
We sat there watching TV, figuring Jon
was fast asleep, and he was.
[snoring]
But something in him
had decided to go for a walk.
See you later, Jon. [gasps]
-[Garfield] Jon!
-[Odie howls]
Where'd he go?
-[horn blows]
-[Odie yips]
[Jon snoring]
Another passenger without exact change?
All right.
Jon is sleepwalking,
just like that doctor warned!
We have to wake him up!
The trouble was,
the bus was much faster than we were.
[Jon snoring]
[mandolin playing]
Huh?
[splat!]
[Garfield] We followed the trail of our
sleepwalking friend to Vito's Pizzeria.
He must have gone out the back.
-Any sign of him, Odie?
-[Odie whimpering]
[snoring]
[elevator door shuts]
You get help.
I'm going to try to wake him up.
And that's how we both wound up here.
[crowd gasping]
The trouble is, I keep buzzing this buzzer
and it doesn't wake him up.
[siren wailing]
-Oh, dear!
-Up there, up there!
There's got to be a way to wake him
before he takes a wrong step.
-[Odie barks]
-Huh?
[Odie barks]
-[Odie barks]
-Huh?
-[Odie barks]
-Huh?
-[Odie barks]
-Huh?
[Odie barks]
-Huh?
-[Odie barks]
-Huh?
-[Odie barks]
-Huh?
-[Odie barks]
-Huh?
-[Odie barks]
-Huh?
-[Odie barks]
-Huh?
-Odie! Stop barking!
-[Odie] Huh?
[Jon snoring]
-Odie! Bark one more time!
-[barks]
Huh? So I don't think there's any way
to hypnotize me to sleep.
I'll just lie awake here in my bed
[sirens blaring]
Whoaaaa!
[shrieking]
[slow-motion yell]
[crowd sighs]
-[shrieks]
-[stammering]
[shrieking]
[Garfield] Oh! No!
Whoaaaa!
Oh, it hurts!
How did I get here?
[sighs]
-He will no longer fall asleep.
-[phone rings]
I'll be right back.
[Garfield] While we're here, I think I'll
give Jon a new hypnotic command.
You know, guys, I got a good night's sleep
and I feel great.
-I have a feeling my insomnia is gone.
-Great.
In fact, I feel so good, I'm not going to
make you any lasagnas now, Garfield.
I'm going for a walk.
Odie bark, please.
-[Odie barks]
-Must make lasagnas.
Odie.
-[barks]
-Huh? Must make lasagnas.
-[barks]
-Huh? Must make lasagnas.
-[Odie barks]
-[Jon] Huh?